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I need help with friends
Hi,
I'm usually pretty good at giving advice, but this I can't help myself with. I'm 13 and I just got transferred to a new place. I've been here for two months now. As many people here are teens they love to act all grown up and I'm not comfortable with the kind of things they do and the language they use, so I'm not friends with anyone, I tried to adjust and get used to them but without a friend I just can't manage. I'm kind of shy but I can make friends easily, but no one is like me (a little kiddish and crazy) everyone loves to act all grown up. I'm having a tough time making friends, please give me some advice on how I can adjust or I'll end up a lonely girl who talks to herself
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
Friend is always required in life but it is not mandatory. You can make friends with your parents to overcome your loneliness till you find somebody who thinks like you.
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Moving to a new place is always tough at first, even for adults. Look for people who like the same things you do. Since your biggest concern seems to be that that the kids are trying to act too grown up there is certainly nothing wrong with looking for a friend in a younger age group or perhaps even boys would make a better choice since they tend to mature at a slower rate than girls. Look around and see if there are others who don't seem to be hanging with any certain group, maybe you will find someone in need of a friend as much as you are. Do not be afraid to make friends with kids who are not popular, the "outcasts" so to speak. It takes a great deal of confidence not to worry about what others think or say about you but the rewards are great. This just means you are a leader, not a follower and trust me if you can adopt this attitude now it will serve you well for the rest of your life. Whatever you do don't try to change yourself or behave in a way that you are not comfortable with just to fit in. It is better to be a loner with self respect than to lower your standards to please others. I am sure there is at least one other person who feels the same way you do about this crowd and one good friend is all you need. Talk to the guidance counselor, he or she may know someone else in need of a friend and maybe even introduce you to help break the ice. Don't give up, there is someone out there needing a friend as much as you do! Good luck!
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Hi there :)
Well its a new environment and in such situations its pretty common to meet different people.
Considering how it's easy for you to make friends,I suggest you try joining few clubs at school in which you're interested in. You have high chances of meeting like minded people.
If people try acting all grown up and sophisticated, doesn't mean you change Yourself to fit in. You can be yourself and still make friends.I suggest you inviting them home and hanging out.don't worry too much about they are. Be yourself around them, when they realize that's how you actually are, they will act normal. Hope this helps :)
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It is hard to settle into a new place, everything is just so different. The others are probably struggling to find their place in the world as well but are choosing another path to yours.
If you feel you're not going to be able to make friends at school try looking at a club or group out of school where you are more likely to find people you have more in common with.
It won't be long before you'll find yourself becoming more grown up so enjoy the time you have left as a kid and build some memories to look back on.
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It's not easy to adjust to new places. But it my not sound like much advice ,but be yourself. A lot of kids feel the pressure to grow up because they think its "cool" be yourself and watch your friends start to come around. There's nothing better than having friends that are there because they like you for you. Do they Have any clubs to join at your school? Maybe you can start there. I hope this helps. Be yourself friends will come
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Well what you definitely SHOULDN'T do, is change who you are to fit in with everyone else. If sticking out alone is what it takes, then so be it. But Never change for someone else. Only for yourself. I personally don't think that Everyone in your school-or whatever your social thing is-acts that way. There are always different groups who act and do different things. So I suggest you branch out and try to find the few, or many, different people out there. Even if certain people seem a certain way on the outside, doesn't mean they aren't different on the inside. Because that happens a lot. So you should try to get to know people on a deeper level, and look into different groups of people. If you can't find anyone in your school, then get into other things like camp, music groups, sports, church groups, paint classes, etc. If all else fails, then you could always get online friends. May sound lame, and it can be, but I have found a few great friends online. I have also found a LOT of bad ones on here too, however. So be careful with that.
Hope this helps~
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If you're not comfortable being around certain people, then don't be around them. Better to be alone than with bad company. I'm sure you're not the ONLY one that's like you. Maybe you can join some club or something where you meet people and you can make friends there. The club doesn't necessarily have to be a school one. When I was 14, I moved to a different country and barely spoke the language. I didn't fit in at all and it really sucked. My parents put me in karate and I loved it. Not so much cause of the martial art, but because I made a lot of friends there and there was a lot of good people. It also helped me with my confidence. After that, it didn't matter so much that I was an outcast at school. Maybe joining something will help you the same way. You can try some and quit if you don't like it or like the people. Better to be your genuine self than be phony to surround yourself with people you don't even like.
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Sometimes in situations like that it may just be better off to be without those people it is good that you're not getting into the bad things or language kids are using nowadays and I applaud you for that. There are some other kids like you there km sure it's just a bit hard to venture out and find them. You should check out if there are clubs or sports you like to find ways to interact with people who have similar interests. Hang in there!
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You may need to look around, some people may try to act grown up, but are kiddish and crazy on the inside. You could also join some after school activities. You would get to know other people better, and maybe get to see them on the inside. Just remember to always be you and someone will like you for who you really are! I believe you can make a wonderful friend if you put your mind on it. Hope my advice helped. :)
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I totally understand what you're going through. My suggestion is to put yourself out there. There has to be somebody out there that could be your future bff! Don't try to be friends with somebody that you don't want to hang around. If you don't find anybody at school, you can always get into after school activities! I met a lot of my friends there and they have similar interests to mine! Hey, if you do end up "lonely" you can always talk to me :). Also being a loner is not necessarily a bad thing. Put yourself out there and bring out your inner kid! I certainly do. :)
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If I'm correct, you're a freshman in high school now, right? Well, that's alright if you are. Starting new things can be scary and stressful sometimes... But it's only a matter of adjusting to it, and making sure it fits with you and your life.
Here's the key to making friends with anyone at anytime in your life: Don't change who you are so you could try and fit in with others. You should always be yourself, otherwise, you'll feel awkward not being you and it'll be even more stressful--cause once you change one part of you, you'll be changing everything else from that point on. Instead, find a friend that has a similar personality to yours, someone funny, honest, easygoing, and friendly. Usually, it's not hard to find one. I say, give it two weeks tops and start with one friend. Maybe find someone in one of your classes that you think you'd like to get to know better. When you start with one friend, chances are--you'll find even more friends from there. Maybe 20, 50, or 100.
When I first entered high school, I was also shy and didn't say much... But after a few days, I met a girl who was really friendly to me. So friendly that she asked me to come have lunch with her and the rest of her friends. We all became close after that and we even stayed friends for the remainder of those four years.
You may feel the need to grow up fast when you're around people who are like that... But don't act like them if it doesn't make you feel comfortable. The time will come when you are ready to make that change yourself. It's just a part of life.
Make the best of being young, real talk. Be happy, do what you love, be yourself, and go out and make more friends if you feel you're up to it.
Good Luck! =]
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Aww, I can say I know what you're going through. I was in private school my whole life and then went straight to public high school! I know what you mean by people trying to act all grown up and like they have life perfectly figured out. But don't lose hope! I know you may feel like EVERYONE acts that way, but I can assure you that's not true! There are toooons of people, with tons of different personalities. I know it may be hard to find people that don't act all grown up or annoying, but don't give up! A friend will come your way! I pray that you find good, positive friends! Hoped that I could help!
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Some teens do like to act all grown up (trust me I know A LOT), but some still like to go crazy and childish such as you and I would. Remember this, girls mature faster than guys do, so it would be best to focus on finding a guy friend first. I'm sure there has to been some fun places around such as a laser tag, roller rink, etc. you could try your luck out there and see if there's anyone welcoming to have fun with. There's bound to be some fun people at places like that. And remember, a bathroom is a girl's best friend. I can't tell you how many times I've met people in the bathroom. I go in there to do my hair and next I'm having a long conversation with a total stranger in a bathroom about the meal I ate or the things I did at whatever place I was at. sometimes you just have to find the right place to meet the people you want to hang with. if you have any fun places in your area, I would say that would be
the best way to start. Or maybe try joining a club at your school or get involved with activities there so you can spend more time with different people and im sure there has to be someone you can relate to. I wish you luck!
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I can understand this I moved from a small country town to a ghetto city. I wasn't used to things and there were tons of people who act more grown up than they were. I did find people that were like me, I just had to stop paying so much attention to the people that I didn't particularly like or would get along with. I found that if I talked to the people that didn't seemed to have many friends or just generally nice people. I found that I was able to find people that were a lot like me I just had to stop judging everyone and got to know people. The people I became friends with weren't exactly like me but very close, and even though they were a little bit grown up than I was used to they became one of the best friends I ever had. I think that because you are younger than I was that it may be harder to make friends. What I've noticed is that when you are younger you tried to act like grown up but as you grow older you actually grow up and they start to realize by trying to act grown up they were acting pretty immature. Making friend should become a little bit easier once people actually grow up, but until then you should try your best on finding the people that don't have many friends and just try to be friendly to the people around you and friends should start coming into your life. Also sharing a tiny little bit about yourself and finding common interests. I hope this is some use to you on helping you make some new friends. I know how it is to be in a whole new place and starting fresh. Don't stop talking to your old friend just because you don't see them everyday. Stay strong and just know that you aren't alone, and good luck. :)
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just give it time you will find a friend to get along with . try to fit in with people introduce yourself to you , and tell them what you like to do like your hobbies , someone will be nice to you and become your friend, i knwo friends are hard to find just give it time , and you will adjust your new home . maybe you will find a new friend at your new school im alays here to help if u need more advices . make sure you dress the cute way , people will love your clothes , and maybe you can talk to people dont be shy .
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So you're 13, that means your in seventh grade right? So the kids your age are tryon to act grown up, but you all are far from it. I think that you've got the right idea! Enjoy being a kid you have a few more good years of it and the rest of your life to be an adult (which, isn't what it's all cracked up to be). Although the kids at your school might like to act like they are already adults, they are just like you. They can't drive yet because they're the same age as you and they are 100% dependent on their parents just like you.
I'm sure there are kids like you in your school, you just need to find them. Often the people that are the loudest, seem like the majority, but their NOT everyone, they are simply the loudest. They get the most attention because they make the most noise, but they are NOT everyone. We want to find a way to meet all the other kids like you. Do you have an interest or school subject you like? For example, singing, math, painting, science, computer science, books, writing, ect? Are there any school clubs for the thing that you like? You should go to the office and ask to talk to someone about clubs at your school. See if anything is available for your interests. Thats one way to meet people that like what you like and might be in a different social group than the one you don't think fits you.
Also check to see if there is a near by Rec Center for kids in your area. You'll probably need a parent to help you. Most areas have Recreation centers for kids to meet other kids in their area and do activities together. In the city I live in there are after school groups for kids that want to learn to make films and video games. Search google and see if there is anything like that in your area.
In general, fallow your interests and get involved, get involved, get involved. You will make friends and find people with similar interests to you.
I don't know how long you've been at this new school but it generally takes six months to a year to establish yourself with a new group of friends. So be patient with the process. It will happen. You'll make friends, don't give up :)
Good luck honey!
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Okay before i even finish reading your question im gonna tell you ive been to 3 diff schools in the past 4 years and 7 my entire life. Okay so maybe you can prove to them that you can be grown up to just a bit. Im kinda with them on the mature side but when u get to know me i act 2 years old. You dont have to do the things they do or talk the way they talk but not everyone is going to be the way you want to and your gonna have to learn to accept that. Once one person thinks your cool to talk to everyone will youll just kinda have to put urself out there a bit. thats all i got for now but if you wanna talk more email me bellastar92000@yahoo.com or kik me at briellabella13 :)
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That's a hard one believe it or not I'm 13 too and I've actually tried to put myself in your position so I can work and think better.i can talk to you tell me if you have facebook and tell me your username ill be your friend. I'm no creep trust me my name on facebook is Eric Tolley. đ
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All you have to do is be yourself and the right friends will find you.
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Hey! The best advice I can give is don't change yourself to fit in with others. Be yourself and your type of people will come around. I know it's hard being a teenager and having to make new friends, but you will! If you're not comfortable being around their type of behaviors and the language they use you'll only feel pressured into changing yourself and in the end you'll end up still being unhappy. Just be yourself and you'll make friends. I hope this helps. Good luck (:
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Talking a bit 'big' at thirteen is fairly common. Adult subjects and language all of a sudden. I don't think there's much wrong with joining in the chat a bit if you can adjust, to fit in with the crowd. But the 'things they do' you have to keep your own limits and values about. Definitely. You don't want to be led into stuff you're not comfortable with, not ever. Plus, if they've got you down as a 'new face' they'll probably test you out, try and convince you to do stuff they're doing. Or should I say, probably what they're NOT doing. They'll be ready to set you up, it's the way people are. Like we said. Use your own judgement, always. There'll be people around who don't act and talk so extreme. Some will be 'putting on the style' a bit when the ring-leaders of the group are around, but quite different when they're not. And keep in mind, that they're not doing everything they're discussing in many cases. They're talking the talk, but not walking the walk, as they say. That's not a bad way to play it in many cases. Talk yourself up a bit by all means. Just don't get led into anything you aren't happy about. It's pretty tough making new friends when you're dropped into a new environment, lots of existing assocoiations, groups and dynamics are all in place and running. And you have to kind of break into them, find and claim your place. I'm sure you will. Be open and friendly. Don't let shyness make you hang back. It so often looks to the others that YOU are rejecting THEM. Honestly! It's like "She thinks she's too good for us." So get in there and get chatting. If you end up romancing a bit, and talking 'big' sometimes....don't worry. But DO remember to use all your discrimination, good judgement, personal values etc when it comes to actions. Crazy and kiddish can be pretty cool actually, if you play it right. Make THAT your image mate! Bit left-field, an original thinker. Not one of the herd!
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Welcome to the grown up version of yourself. :) No seriously when I was 13 I went through what you are going through now. I was very lonely throughout high school. No real friends because everyone was too busy following the growing up fad but never really maturing. That and because the people I wanted to be friends with my mother didn't like, so I never had anyone over. I even had a "Loser" book where I would find the tiniest imperfections about myself and call myself a loser because of them.
I use to hate their language(regular cussing) and back then everyone was smoking marijuana. Nowadays the kids come up with the most stupid way to talk to each other. Even if they are in a hurry to act and be grown up. How they speak now is the most immature use of the English language I've ever heard.
With you having a dislike about that means you're more mature than you give yourself credit for. Making true friends will be something that comes later in life. And sometimes things will fall through with them. There will only be a couple people that you trust. You will be a little kiddish and crazy because that's how you're supposed to be until you're ready to start acting like an adult. Everyone says grow up, be mature, act like an adult when you very well aren't one. It's not fair to you.
But there are different interpretations of adult. Mine, for example, is taking care of my children, homeschooling them, taking care of my home, cleaning up after myself and my family(with their help), and making sure the bills are paid before spending on anything else, not feeding the drama fiends that look for cracks in my life to expose to feel better about themselves....
You will be okay. And talking to yourself can always be justified as getting expert advice, unless it's downright negative. Constructive criticism is okay, but only to better yourself in doing what you love and being who you are.
I still talk to myself. :) I will be here if you have any other questions.
Blessed be and take care dear.
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Hi doll,
Well let's see,new place,new people.
The people around you are not what you hoped for them to be. And yes,isnt bad language such a turn off and disrespectful? Yes,it is! And you are smart not to get caught up in that,Bad words spell trouble.Using bad language doesnt make you an adult,being responsible does.
Now then,what activities do you like to do? Is it cooking? Building legos? Art? Fashion design? You can join clubs that have similar intrests as you and go from there,and if not,start your own group/or club,that way you can set a few guidlines.
Dont change yourself to fit in,just be you!
If starting or joining a club at a new school/place doesnt work,try the library,they are more modern now and have more opportunities for teens to get involved in different groups where they can make friends with respectful and honorable people.
Hope it helps and be blessed
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Everyone is different, and as hard as it may be you've just got to accept yourself and not fall victim to the peer pressure of not being yourself. I am like you, quite shy- very childish and crazy, and all of my friends are. I know it may be hard but trust me, you will make friends like you. I know you're in a tough place right now, but don't give up on the idea of making friends. At the end of the day you'll have a better time waiting a little while until you find the right friend who you'll have a great time being yourself with, than a load of fake friends who you have nothing in common with. I wish you good luck, trust me, whether it's now or in a while you'll find some good friends as as hard as it may seem there are people similar to you out there.
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Like you, I had no care to be like the majority of kids I saw. So I understand. Initially, at first, I had no idea there were others like me, not many mind you, the majority are still those greater in number, possibly more confident or good at faking it and just 'out there'.
But once I started really looking around and paying attention, I noticed that there were others like me on the fringe. It didn't mean they were 'rejects' as possible good friends, just that they didn't care to go along with the crowd.
So if for good reasons, you don't want to have a friend from the 'popular crowd', start looking for those like you who follow their own path and I have found potential friends in the shy people group, the nerdy types, the Christian girls and the Goth girls. Not all goths are part of the bad crowd. Often they choose to stand out and be different, especially to the eye as they don't want to follow the same path as others, and be themselves instead. So a Goth if they can allow you to be you as long as you allow her to be Goth, it can work. Just what I found worked for me.
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hi! dont worry about a thing. there are 7 billion people all jumbled up in this melting pot called earth. there's bound to be people who will get along with you just fine. i have a story of my own to tell you.
i dropped out of uni and transferred to a community college closer to home. i had trouble in uni in the first place due to depression and subsequently, had low self esteem, so i wasn't really looking forward to meeting new friends. furthermore, everyone in class is younger than me, so obviously i wasn't keen on getting to know some "brats". i wasn't the friendliest person, is what im trying to say. eventually, though, i smiled at this one girl and we ended up talking and apparently had a lot in common. she introduced me to her bunch of misfit friends who are geeks who love games, animes, comics, and it's weird but i love their company. i didnt feel judged or felt the need to be similar to them, it was just fun hanging out with them. slowly i got more confident to apply as a waitress in an on-campus cafe and got to know more of my college mates around. now, i cant walk to my class without seeing a familiar face and greeting them.
so my advice is, if you want to make friends, you just have to take the first step and make yourself noticeable. say hi to the girl next to you, if you dont have good chemistry, then we can just move along. one of these days, you're gonna meet people you get along with, i know it for sure. alternatively, you can join some clubs in school, like drama or music club, basically anything you want. make yourself noticeable, participate in alot of school events, just smile a lot at people, sometimes ask people for help or ask questions about class. i promise you, if you are willing to put yourself out there, people will come to you and ask to be your friend. hope this helps! it sucks being lonely, i know, so good luck to you!!!
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You don't always have to adjust and blend in. I'm just like you. Instead of trying to fit in, stand out and just focus on your school work. Its okay to be alone, just wait and pray about it.
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