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hey i an from Limpopo.im in a new relationship.me n my bf we a naw datin for 1month n 3days.i love my bf so much n i try to make him happy but dat doesnt hide de fact dat my bf is still inlove wth his ex who has died.wen he need me i go n be wth him.on saturday it was his bdae n i made a suprise party for him n i invited his friends n ada gals.he was very happy n i was happy to see him happy.but dat dae at nyt he said i shuld not leave i shuld sleep ova n i did so.he started talking abt his ex who died n his ex was buried on saturday on his bdae.he told me dat he is over her n he dnt luv her anymore but his actions was telling me another story.he evn cried for his ex infront of me n didnt wt tu du or wat to say.my heart was heavy wen he was kissing me he suddenly stopped n he said he cant.yesterdae he removed de status on watsap he wrote abt me n write dat he love his ex n he change a profile pic n put his ex.i cried alone n my hurt was heavy realising dat im truly,madly n deeply inlove wth him.what do i have to do? (link)
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You need to let him grieve. The fact that he is hurt over loosing someone he loves, in no way is a bad thing. It shows compassion and emotional maturity. It would be scary if his gf died and he didn't even care right? Only men that are incapable of feeling love and caring for other people don't care when when their gf dies. Give him some time to be sad about it. If he asks you to stay over and then cries, it's because he wants comfort while he is grieving. If you love him, you should comfort him when he cries. Let him cry on your shoulder and tell him everything will be alright.
Him being sad about loosing his gf in no way stops him from loving you. We all fall in love and sometimes we loose love and we have to find new love. That is how life works. A relationship is a partnership, life partners should be there to support each other when times are hard. Wouldn't you want him to be understanding and supportive if you were suffering the loss of a loved one? If you want to show him you love him, be understanding and be a shoulder to cry on if he needs it.
Good luck honey
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Hi,
I'm usually pretty good at giving advice, but this I can't help myself with. I'm 13 and I just got transferred to a new place. I've been here for two months now. As many people here are teens they love to act all grown up and I'm not comfortable with the kind of things they do and the language they use, so I'm not friends with anyone, I tried to adjust and get used to them but without a friend I just can't manage. I'm kind of shy but I can make friends easily, but no one is like me (a little kiddish and crazy) everyone loves to act all grown up. I'm having a tough time making friends, please give me some advice on how I can adjust or I'll end up a lonely girl who talks to herself (link)
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So you're 13, that means your in seventh grade right? So the kids your age are tryon to act grown up, but you all are far from it. I think that you've got the right idea! Enjoy being a kid you have a few more good years of it and the rest of your life to be an adult (which, isn't what it's all cracked up to be). Although the kids at your school might like to act like they are already adults, they are just like you. They can't drive yet because they're the same age as you and they are 100% dependent on their parents just like you.
I'm sure there are kids like you in your school, you just need to find them. Often the people that are the loudest, seem like the majority, but their NOT everyone, they are simply the loudest. They get the most attention because they make the most noise, but they are NOT everyone. We want to find a way to meet all the other kids like you. Do you have an interest or school subject you like? For example, singing, math, painting, science, computer science, books, writing, ect? Are there any school clubs for the thing that you like? You should go to the office and ask to talk to someone about clubs at your school. See if anything is available for your interests. Thats one way to meet people that like what you like and might be in a different social group than the one you don't think fits you.
Also check to see if there is a near by Rec Center for kids in your area. You'll probably need a parent to help you. Most areas have Recreation centers for kids to meet other kids in their area and do activities together. In the city I live in there are after school groups for kids that want to learn to make films and video games. Search google and see if there is anything like that in your area.
In general, fallow your interests and get involved, get involved, get involved. You will make friends and find people with similar interests to you.
I don't know how long you've been at this new school but it generally takes six months to a year to establish yourself with a new group of friends. So be patient with the process. It will happen. You'll make friends, don't give up :)
Good luck honey!
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It's gross, especially when it's overt and/or persistant. I thought a relationship was meant to be between 2 people? Why do some couples try to get other people's attention? I noticed yesterday at the mall. There was this interracial couple all over each other, as we stood in line at this food place, and i'd focus on other things but they'd sometimes look back with this look on their face line they want their relationship to interest people, incite anger or jealousy, etc. it was awkward for me, directly behind them, and others in line. I have no problem with any couple, interracial, gay, lesbian, transgender, one young and one old, etc. I'm happy others can find love and be in relationships. I'm not jealous either, it's just uncomfortable to essentially be viewing foreplay without consent. There were children in line, too. Some people seem to get a sexual thrill out of people seeing their pda and that just seems sick and self centered. It makes me understand why there are countries that ban it. (link)
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One important thing to consider when you see PDA is age. I think you'll notice that it's usually young people. People in their teens and early twenties. People that are experiencing relationships and sexual relationships for the first time. Older couples (with exception of some drunks at a the night club), generally wont have this problem. They've become more accustomed to social rules and have realized that sort of thing is not kosher! They also don't have raging hormones that make them think being all over each other in public is a great idea!... later they'll look back on their behavior and be embarrassed trust me.
If you want to comment that the couple is making you uncomfortable but you don't want them to think you're commenting on their race, gender, sexual orientation, ect. There are some fun friendly ways to do it. You could say, with a smile and a wink, "wao, get a room you two." Then the couple know you support their relationship but it's getting a bit graphic for public. Many of the time a couple just wants their relationship recognized (especially if it's controversial in terms of race, orientation, ect.) Dropping a friendly line like, "It looks like you two love birds could could get a room," acknowledges their relationship and also lets them know it's getting a bit graphic.
Once when I was young and making out (ashamed to say much too graphically) with my boyfriend at his sisters large wedding reception, his uncle said something that really changed my mind about PDA. He was a large overweight man in his 40's, bald, very unattractive. He said "Aaaahh, young love, you two should save that for the bedroom, you're getting me way to excited!" The thought of him thinking about us GROSSED ME OUT! I was 17 years old and realized I didn't want strangers thinking about my sex life, especially my bf's gross uncle!! So think of it like this, all those PDA couples are poor unfortunate souls that just haven't encountered their gross uncle yet!
I hope you can see it more as a type of social immaturity then a type of nonconsensual objectification. By all means please say something to the couple if you they're making you uncomfortable and obviously being inappropriate. People will always hold hands and perhaps do a smooch on the cheek or a peck on the lips. But if they're really going at it, and it seems like they want attention for it.... they just haven't realized they're getting attention they don't want. They just have't found their gross uncle yet!
Try to laugh at it, and not be bothered too much.
Good Luck Honey!
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hi hope you can help me i'm a 15 year old male i'm a devout christian i love god with all my heart and i wanna be a better christian and devote my life to god i want to help people to get closer to god i wantto start to spread god's word i'm a bit nervous not sure where to start but i want to start talkinhg to people about god maybe start with people that i know not sure how do i go about it? (link)
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Do you go to church or belong to an organized religious community of some sort? Do you have a pastor, preacher, bishop, minister or some type of church leader in your area? I'm sure your local church leader would love to help you find a way to talk to people about god. You should ask them.
If you want to talk about god outside your immediate community, try using google to find some sort of on line community. Perhaps a blog or website? I don't know specifically what doctrine you follow but it may already have a live and thriving online community. Here is a website for christians to find ways to volunteer. Maybe it can give you some ideas of the type of things you'd like to be involved in?
http://www.christianvolunteering.org/
Good luck
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ive been pretty depressed for a while... i got my first bf in feb. 2014 and we broke up last week. also my frinds started fighting and hating eachother. i lost my only 5 frinds that i had made since 1rst grade. i started getting bad grades on my report cards and im getting made fun of for it. im just 10 years old but i cut myself and hav suicidal thoughts... please give me advice. (link)
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Do you have a parent or older sibling you can tell about the cutting? Or Perhaps a school counselor?
I'm very sorry that you're hurting sweet heart. I promise things will get better. Once you start dating more and more, you will realize that most relationships wont work out. Dating is a series of failed relationships. Eventually you will find one that doesn't fail. But that person is usually not your first boyfriend. At the end of the day it doesn't matter if you broke up with him or he broke up with you. In your life you will experience both and no one really keeps track anyway. The important thing is that you tried. It's a very brave thing to do at ten years old. If you think it's a little too much, then wait a few years before having a bf again. You have plenty of time to date. Jr high, high school and college will be filled with lots of dating experiences. So don't rush anything, if a bf brings too much drama in your life then give it a rest for a few years. I know it hurts but trust me it will pass.
Over the time you're in school, you will make and loose many friends. The ones that are true, will stick with you for ever. I am 27 years old now, and I am only close with one friend from first grade still. I have about five friends from high school i'm still in touch with and a lot of friends from college!!! This isn't the end of the world, you will make new friends TRUST ME. Kids can be very harsh and mean and immature. I"m sorry that you are hurting and believe me people get more compassionate and nicer as they age.
Your grades are your own private business. You don't have to tell anyone what they are. If the kids ask you and pressure you to tell or show them, tell them your parent's said you can't. Tell them they we're so mean to you about it last time that your parents said you can never share your grades with anyone else EVER AGAIN! I know they're picking on you and it's awful! Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you. Everyone gets bad grades at some point in life. Just try to stay focused and do the best you can and things will get better.
check this video out, or google 'bullying it gets better'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DV4EmSviDfQ
The most important thing is that you get some support! Like I said do you have someone to talk to? A parent a sibling a counselor or someone from church? You are beautiful and perfect and should not feel this way. Reach out and get some help. Tell one of your siblings you are thinking about suicide and hurting yourself. I DOESN"T HAVE TO BE THIS WAY AND YOU SHOULD NOT BE GOING THROUGH THIS ALONE. Reach out for help and ignore all the A** hole kids in your class.
I'm totally on your side. Stay strong and remember that it gets better!!!
Good luck honey
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I don't really know that my guy likes me or not but i think so that kind of he likes me ......... But sometimes he just shows that he hates to hell and sometimes he just turns back looks at me....... i seriously don't know what to do plz!!!!! I am from INDIA (link)
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Men have awful social skills, based on what you said there is no way of knowing? You should just ask him.
I assume if he is with you by choice, he likes you. You should just ask him. Say "I can't tell if you like me or not? Are you into me? Do you want to be in this relationship?"
Are you living in India now? I know that India is not the best country for womens rights. However, if you have a choice about your partner, you should choose someone that treats you good.
If he acts like he hates you and is violent or verbally abusive to you, GET OUT! If you have a choice, don't put up with abuse. Let him know you want to be with a man that is good to woman. If that man is not him, he should tell you so you can find someone else. End of story NO COMPROMISE, don't put up with men treating you badly.
I'm sorry this is happening. I'm sure it's very confusing. I hope you're able to talk about it with him.
Good Luck honey
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Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills). (link)
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I don't see any question in this? I read it several times and all I can draw is that you would like my reflection/opinion about your life? When you say you are "going through preparations," do you mean suicidal preparations?
So weather you were asking for it or not here is my opinion. DEPRESSION/MENTAL ILLNESS IS FUCKING HARD! I'm sorry you're suffering. There is no single fix for any one person, everyone is different. What you are doing now is NOT your solution, you need to keep looking. If your meds are antidepressants, you either need to tell your psychiatrist or find a new one. You should NEVER experience suicidal thoughts on an antidepressant. If you are, THIS IS NOT THE DRUG FOR YOU. You need to tell someone and try a different med. A suicidal thoughts on an anti depressant means you are experiencing a bad reaction to this drug. For one reason or another your body is rejecting it. Bad reactions can be accompanied with all sorts of bad side effects from temporary psychosis to rapid or violent mood swings and weight gain or loss. You need to switch and try something else because what you're doing is not working! If your doctor does not see that, this is not the doctor for you! SERIOUSLY, he/she is not doing their job. Find a new one, and perhaps solicit the help of a therapist who can't prescribe you meds. Therapists tend to be a bit more personable. Just like doctors you have to find one that works for you, but they can be beneficial in ways that doctors/psychiatrists can't for many people. It's very obvious if your therapist is not someone for you. Do you feel like you can actually be honest around them and not receive judgment? If the answer is no, its not the right therapist. A therapist also cannot demand you get institutionalized. They are not a medical doctor. They can help you get institutionalized, IF YOU TELL THEM YOU WANT IT, but they can't prescribe it.
You deserve to know what the good parts of life feel like. I'm sorry our system has failed you this far. It is flawed and imperfect just like us. If you choose to keep searching and not give up, you can help our system get better. If you find your way, maybe all the other people like you, will have an easer time finding theirs? If you can't do it for you, can you do it for them? It sounds like you have nothing to loose and can't get much lower anyway so you might as well try. This is a Ted talk by Andrew Solomon. He talks through the darkest times of his life, much like what your experiencing now, I hope you watch it.
http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share#t-2562
If this speaks to you, search his name on Ted.com, he has more good stuff on there.
This is a combination of speakers that have all been on the roller coaster to Hell with mental illness. This is here so you know, you're not alone.
http://www.ted.com/playlists/175/the_struggle_of_mental_health
You seem like a good person, you seem like a thoughtful person. I hope you can experience some reciprocity and belonging in this world. It's a big complicated world and things take time. I hope you choose to keep searching and learning. You're already here anyway, don't you think you might as well try?
I'm sorry your childhood was traumatizing. I'm sorry your job is miserable for you. Life is long, and thats good because growth is a slow and winding process. It's also limitless, you will never stop learning if you foster your interests. May you allow yourself to be interested, my friend :)
Good luck honey, I hope this is what you needed.
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Hello, I'm 20/female.
I don't even know where to start. I just passed the entry exam for Nursing school last week. I'm super excited because I studied so hard for so long and was one of 5 people out of 50 who passed in my testing group. Nursing is my dream and I'm very dedicated but I know the schooling is going to very difficult and time consuming after my first year. I start in a month.
I've also been with my fiance for two years, who is a male and I love him to death but I'm starting to really doubt how good we are for each other. Our life goals are vastly different and his hobbies and pass times don't line up with mine. We get along fairly well and everybody except my brother, father and my bff (who know better) think we're a perfect couple and want to see us get married. Right now we're making things work and love each other but the thing is...I think I'm lesbian. My fiance was my first and since then I've come to realize that I enjoy the company of women much more than I do men and I find them much more attractive.
I live in a small town though (where I'll be in college for several years) and in the past when I've looked to try and date other lesbians there just weren't any (even on the dating sites) and I don't want to come out without knowing for sure.
I was starting to think about actually telling my bff in the hopes she would support me and go with me to some lgbt friendly clubs and help me decide what to do. Her and her boyfriend have been fighting a lot and she'd been talking about breaking up with him and showing me pics of these other guys so we'd discussed us getting our own place together so we could just be single and mingle without men in our lives. Then yesterday she announced to me that she's pregnant with her boyfriend's baby. I was of course massively shocked as she hasn't even been with him a year. Her parents didn't even know he existed and now she's acting like they're super happy again and everything is going to be just wonderful with a baby coming even though they're late on all their bills and in debt now, without a baby.
So then she got the idea to talk to her boyfriend and her boyfriend talked to my fiance (we're all friends) and the three of them decided that we're all going to get a house together in a month (same time I'll be starting college) because according to them "it will lessen everybody's finances and she'll have a good home for her baby".
So now she's super excited and has decided their accidental baby will magically fix all their problems and that she's so happy that we're all going to be living together as two "perfect couples" and that it will be "so much fun" to raise her baby with her boyfriend and her best friend (me).
Meanwhile I feel like I'm drowning now and my hand is being forced and all the sudden her life is my responsibility too and I didn't even get a say because I don't really have any other options.
What do I do?
(link)
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Wow, I can understand why it feels like You're drowning! I would feel the same.
The first thing I want to point out about your letter is that you assume your father, brother and bff "know better." Hummmm...?? Why do they know better when it comes to you and who you are? They can't hear the thoughts in your head? They aren't you, they don't walk in your shoes every day, you do. When it comes to you honey, you are the one that knows best. Being honest about what you know and acting on that knowledge is what your struggling with. Know that your thoughts are valid, you know you best! Don't let other people convince you otherwise. I know they love you and they're just trying to help but they don't know you like you know yourself.
It seems like your bff is getting a rocky start into adulthood. My guess, is that she is going to need you for a stable voice and support later. Do anything you can to NOT to move into this house. It has TRAIN WRECK, written all over it. Things are most likely going to go up in flames in that house and the distraction could cost you, your college career! If nursing is your passion and goal you need to prioritize it. You can't take responsibility for your friends life, its not your life it's hers. Attempting to do so, can lead to resenting her and ruining the friendship. Tell her that you love her and you are there for her but you can't move into this house. You need to focus and study and the idea of two couples and a baby is giving you anxiety. Plus you want to have a place where she can come to getaway, or get a little silence from time to time. Trust me, new moms need that!
Nursing school is not easy, and many that attempt, never make it through! Seriously, if you want this make it a priority. You will be studying late nights. How is that going to go over in a house with a baby crying in the next room and, a fiancé that wants sex/attention that you may not have the time for or be interested in? This situation could also lead to you resenting him. Which, brings me to my next point. Do anything you can to NOT move in with him. Due to resent self discoveries, you need to be deescalating this engagement, NOT escalating it. If you're not sure what your sexual preferences are you don't need to come out as anything but you do need to stop this marriage for right now. If you really love this guy and care for him, you cannot let him keep believing in this life with you thats potentially a lie. It will really hurt him down the road to find out after you're already married and/or living together. To continue misleading him is wrong. You don't need to tell your whole family but I would at least tell him whats going on and be honest. Tell him you're questioning your sexuality and you think you might be a lesbian. Tell him, it's not for sure, you're sorry but you love him too much to mislead him. He might be sad and hurt but if he is a decent person and he really does love you, he will come around to being grateful that you were honest. If the two of you are meant to be you will come together again.
Lastly, you have options! Please know you have options! You can make choices about your life. This is what being an adult is all about. You have to do the right thing and you have options. The reason it feels like your drowning is because everyone else is choosing for you. You feel like you have no control over your life because you are letting everyone else make decisions for you. Now, some really bad ones are about to happen if you don't speak up. You can do it! I can tell you are a good and caring person so use that as your strength to pull the brake on this nightmare!
If you meant that you don't have options in terms of a living arrangement, you just have not looked. Your parents won't let you continue living at home? Can you take out a student loan and live in the dorms? Can you work for your school as an RA and live the dorms for free? look around, I promise there are options, you just have to look. If you can live in the dorms, girls like you are pretty common. Even in a small town, college is the time for experimentation. They don't call it "the college try," for nothing. I tried being a lesbian several times in college. Although I never went pro, I enjoyed every minute of it! If you're town isn't conducive to the lifestyle you want, school can be a door way to finding a place that is. If you get really great grades and do really well, you can transfer to another school easily. If you have a good GPA and do a lot of activities in your department, college, etc, you can transfer with a scholarship to another city. SERIOUSLY, someone will pay your tuition to go to school in a place filled with lesbians and bi-girls that are waiting for you!!!! Even if you stay at your school for all three years, you can get a job after in one of those bigger cities. I of course, would kill it my first year and then transfer but thats just me. Bottom line, go for what you want. You can't help people and be good to others when your dying inside. You want to serve other people, thats why you want to be a nurse, I understand that. You may never get there if you keep letting everyone else make your decisions.
The people that love you will love you for doing what you know is best. The people that really love you want to see you happy. If they don't want to see you happy, that's not love.
Good luck, be strong honey. The world is at your finger tips, I hope you take it.
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I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me. (link)
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I'm sorry you're going through this honey, its sounds really frustrating... Sexually frustrating! Not to worry, it happens to the best of us. If I were you, I would put partnered sex on the shelf for a year or so and focus on having really great sex with myself. Your body is dying to be pleased so this is a perfect opportunity to learn how to do that.
Are you close with your mother? Do you have an older sister you're close and honest with? Basically, would one of them help you to get a sex toy to masturbate with? At your age, boys are not where you are yet, in terms of puberty. Some of them might be, like your ex, but for the most part they will catch up with you in a couple years or so. That is probably why you are much more interested in sex than your current boyfriend. If you want to keep dating him and learning about the social and companion part of relationships then go for it. If you feel generally unfulfilled and depressed, tell him you would rather just be friends. Believe me, there is no shame in being single and in the next 1-3 years the tides will turn. The boys will grow taller, thicker and start getting facial hair. They'll look much more like men and their sex drive will become equal to or greater than yours. I know it might seem hard or frustrating now, but take this time to learn about your own body and learn how to masturbate. Then when partnered sex becomes more of the "norm" in your peer group, you can show the boys how to please you. You will actually be doing a favor to women everywhere by doing this!!! SERIOUSLY! Men learn to please themselves very easily and some never learn how to please women, it's very sad. If you have an older person in your life that is open minded and willing to help you get a vibrator or dildo, I highly recommend getting assistance on this. Make sure it's someone you trust, that is understanding and error on the side of females. Don't go asking any older men that you know, they might get the wrong idea. Here is a link for young women wanting to learn about and explore their bodies and sexuality. Maybe it can be a jumping off point for you.
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/masturbationwomen.htm
The next thing you need to be aware of is safe sexual practices. when you start finding more and more young men that want to have sex these are some precautions you should take.
1. Use condoms, they the quickest and easiest way to protect your self from STI's and pregnancy. They can be bought at any grocery or convenience store. If you start a long term sexual relationship, you can talk to your doctor about birth control.
2. Make sure you're selecting partners that you trust and that are respectful to you. If a boy is unwilling to have a conversation about condom use and safe sex, that is a good sign that you should NOT have sex with him.
3. If a man/partner is ever doing anything you don't like or don't feel comfortable with SPEAK UP! This is your body, and your choice. No one can take that from you. NO means NO! If your partner is ever disrespectful of you saying no, or ignores it, tell him you're going to report him to the police. Not respecting someones sexual boundaries is a crime, it's called RAPE. Your consent and choice is the key ingredient to a good time, remember to own it girl! (This is another great way to do a big favor to women everywhere!)
Good luck honey, please let me know if you have anymore questions.
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A close friend is struggling with a strong emotional attachment to a much younger male. My friend is male, and the two are friends as of now;
however, he thinks he needs to distance himself for sometime to reevaluate where this friendship might be going. He claims there are no sexual fantasies, only a deep, abiding compassion, and affection, that he is afraid could be miscontrued, even though he has written messages describing his feelings, but has gotten no real response. I fear for his meatal and emotional well being, as he tells me cries often when alone, and prays constantlly to God for understanding of why his heart is so burdened to this friend, and just wants an outlet to show his affection, through financial assistance if nothing else, just so he can feel some sort of release of his urge to love and be needed. I really feel sorry for him, because he is a good person, who truly loves his friend very much, but is simply confused as to what to do, without being a annoyance. (link)
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Well if he has written these messages and received no answer, not even a, "yes I'll take the financial help," then it's tool late, he's already an annoyance. Many times we think we find the missing pieces of ourselves in someone else. Then we realize, it was a case of mistaken identity all along. For some reason, your friend thinks constant, non sexual, deep abiding compassion and affection from this young man will make his life full? Well this young man does not seem to want deep abiding compassion from your friend and there is nothing anyone could and should do about that.
It sounds like you're friend is a bit lost, probably depressed and looking for love and/or affection in all the wrong places. You should tell him to stop annoying this poor young guy and delete his number. Then you should tell him that behavior is creepy and it's scaring the shit out of you. He should go see a therapist and maybe the two of them can get to the bottom of what is going on... whats really going on. You should also encourage him to be involved in social activities having to do with things he likes. For example, if he is into novels, join a book club. If he enjoys writing or painting encourage him to take an adult continuing ed class. He needs some community in his life right now and an interest for growth. Generally, we all feel better about ourselves and life when we're growing, learning or connecting in some relevant way. By relevant, I mean something we are willing to believe matters. Right now he is pouring all his passion and energy into a person that is not interested, will give no return and only make him feel like a desperate failure. He obviously has a lot of passion and beauty inside him but he is being self destructive with it. The self distractive nature of all this, is the mane problem here. That is why he needs to get help.
Encourage your friend to get professional help and get out there and ACTUALLY give life a chance. NOT to be confused with setting himself up to be a tortured failure and then wonder why the process is so unpleasant. That young man will never be his happiness.
You're a good friend honey, he's lucky to have you.
I wish you the best.
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Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you. (link)
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HI Honey,
So I know it feels like the world is crashing down and it's awful, but believe me it's not. You and your bf are both so young, you have no idea the type of people your going to grow into. I thought I would be with my BF when I was 17 forever also. However, once we both graduated from high school I realized we had some fundamental differences in the way we wanted to live and just weren't compatible. I still think he's a great guy and I'm so happy we had all those great times together. Part of me will always love him but we just weren't right as life partners.
You have to take a step back from the plan of living together when you don't even know for sure that you can live near each other and get along. I've been in LDR's (long distance relationships) that didn't work once we were in the same city. It happens... frequently... google it if you don't believe me!
Because you guys are young, the chances of your bf forgiving you for this are slim to none. If you were older and a bit more mature he might be understanding but at 18, yea, he wont be. So this is what I would do. If this was a one time thing, and you are never going to do it again, it's okay that you don't tell him. Trust me, sex hurts the first few times. I felt like I was loosing my virginity for the first 6 months of sex!!! Don't tell him, and then when you are together, let him think you lost your virginity to him. If it works out and you are the life long partners that you think you are, in years and years from now, when it doesn't matter anymore, you can tell him. If he truly loves you, he will know that you did what you had to do because he wouldn't have given you a chance if he knew at 17. After being together for years and years and becoming much more matured people that trust and love each other, he won't care that much. It's not worth it to ruin a future and hurt someone you love over something that really doesn't matter that much. If you start living in the same city and it doesn't work out, then it won't matter that you didn't tell him anyway. If this becomes a habit and you keep doing it, again and again, you need to tell him. If this becomes a habit, that is another level of deception and you need to get out of this relationship.
I also think you should experiment, by your self, with your self! Try and to find a pleasurable relationship with your body. Men go into sex after years of masturbating and knowing how to please themselves. It takes them years and years of having sex to learn how to please a woman and some of them never learn!!!! Also, to avoid having a bad relationship with sex in general (because it starts out very painful for us) you should learn how to please your self. Sex should be enjoyable, not something to "get it over with." Plus, if your bf is smart he should be willing and happy to learn what you like :)
Here is an article with some tips if you're interested.
http://www.yourtango.com/20085990/10-tips-please-your-self
Lastly, I know boys and society, treat your virginity like some sacred object. Like you should give it away to a deserving man to proudly hold forever. But really... your virginity belongs to you!! Someone should love you regardless of how you choose to loose it. As long as the sex was consensual and safe, you should not feel bad! Fidelity is hard, people are messing up right and left (I'm sure you've seen tv and have the internet so I'm sure you know). Forgiving is how relationships stay together and someone that only wants you for your virginity doesn't deserve to have you anyway. If you end up telling him and he freaks out at you, remember this, you don't owe him your virginity! You don't owe him your body! He has your love and he should feel lucky for that. If people tell you you're basing the relationship on a lie by not telling him, tell them to F*** off! A relationship based on your virginity, isn't a relationship. This is NOT 18th century Japan and you are NOT a Geisha. Thank God, right?! He should love you with or with out the V-card. In terms of infidelity, LTR's are hard and we all get a ONE TIME ONLY, messed up really really really bad pass.
Good Luck Honey!
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My wife and I have been married for 47 years. Admittedly shew has made some good financial decisions over the years but now I am concerned about something very serious. We have approximately 95,000.00 in nth stock amrket. ait goes up and down, most.y down lately. I want it all sold and the money put into the bank where it never goes down. She refuses and I hate confrontation. She will simply not talk about it. I asked her one question that I thought would seal the sell it all deal. "Is there more of a chance of it getting to 100,000 or going to 80,000.00"? we've all seen the crashes and we're to old to go through another one. What do you suggest? (link)
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Well that sounds frustrating I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It seems to me that the core of this problem lies in the fact that you're both looking at this as a fight so no communication is happening. She is unwilling to talk or discuss and you now see the conversation as a confrontation when it really shouldn't be a confrontation. Every relationship has it's power struggles and we have to pick and choose and our battles. However, the usual ebb and flow of the power exchange can become very destructive when communication breaks down. That's what it seems like has happened here. You should be able to talk to a parter of 47 years over finances, it's only the predictable, responsible thing that we all have to do with our partners. I don't know your whole financial situation but I do know social security has generally failed and we have more seniors retiring now than ever before. Becoming more conservative with your finances in your latter years is a valid discussion and you should be able to have it.
If you're wife is becoming hostile when you bring it up your first goal is to disarm her hostility. Communication can not happen if she gets defensive. Here are some general things that might help you do this.
First, don't think of it as a confrontation. Go into it just as willing to hear her reasoning and get won over by her side as you would like her to be in understanding yours. Second, don't be afraid to expose your own vulnerability in the face of her hostility. You exposing your fears, and expressing your love for her can do wonders for defusing a bomb! For example what if you started with something like this. "I'm getting a lot of anxiety over this financial choice and I don't understand why we can't talk about it? I want to believe we're making the right decision but you won't explain your reasoning to me. I just worry all the time for our future. I love you and I wan't us to be financially stable. Please talk to me about it. It's cruel to leave me like this, constantly worrying in confusion over this choice that feels destructive. I love you and I only want the best for us both. Please talk to me about this."
If approaching her is too hard, write a note. You can plan you're words better on paper. The note can be simple all it has to do is express you're concerns (vulnerability) and ask for communication. Remember the goal is communication! Not being right or proving that she is wrong. Thinking like that will destroy any hopes of resolution. Also, if it works and you have the talk and she does agree with you, it's best that you don't take it back to I'm right your wrong ever again! Finances are a serious matter so try to keep the childish games out of it. Steer clear of the blame game!!! For example, It's NOT your wife that is destructive, it's the current state of your finances that's destructive. Using the word "IT" while identifying a problem is a huge help. People need that tiny word to provide one vital degree of separation. It's NOT you that's bad, it's this thing outside of you thats bad.
Starting with a question, will allow her to start and then when she sees you're actually listening and trying to understand she won't think you're just trying to get you're way. Then she is more likely to bite her tung and listen when it's your turn to talk. Maybe you won't totally get your way, maybe only part of the money will go in the bank. However, isn't that better than suffering in silence?
Finances are uncomfortable conversations for all of us. However, the pain of ignoring them is far greater than the pain of having them. We just never see it until the conversation is done and over with.
You can do it, Good Luck honey!
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My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends) (link)
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So, why can't your husband go with you to the wedding? He can be with you if you don't go but he can't go with you? I don't understand? A true friend and a husband that loves you shouldn't put you in a pressure cooker like this. Your partner should work with you not demand that you sacrifice your best friend on his behalf. Does your husband think he is in competition with your friend or something??? This should not be a problem.
I don't know what you were planning on doing for your anniversary but imagine this... On your anniversary eve, you and your husband get a hotel. You wake up to breakfast in bed, have a couples massage at the hotel spa or go for a swim in the pool. You finished it all off with hot sex in the shower as you get ready for the wedding. Then you watch another couple, as they embark on this amazing journey that is marriage. Going to a wedding as part of your anniversary could actually be a very symbolic and beautiful way to revisit and remember your own wedding. To appreciate the ceremony and ritual of marriage. The fact that you and your best friend married on the same day is a really unique bond. You and your husband could be joining them for anniversary cruises or trips to the Bahamas in another few years. It sounds like he needs an attitude adjustment. He should also consider asking himself why is he acting like your friends marriage is a threat to him? Marriage is a beautiful thing and celebrating that doesn't make your marriage less, it makes it more. It's not a threat and you should not have to choose between the two.
Being so inflexible about how you celebrate your anniversary isn't going to last long, especially if you ever have kids!!!! Funerals, weddings births, illness, and accidents will forever effect the way you celebrate any and every holiday. You and your partner should look to working together to conquer these obstacles that will surly come. I think your husband missed that memo. Situations like this are what marriage is for, It's about working together despite what life throws at you right? Not about pushing your partner into a corner where she has to miss the most important moment of her best friends life, when you could be enjoying it with her.
In the case that you are married to an abusive awful person that does these things to isolate you from your friends and control your life... Your friend should be understanding. She should stay close to you despite the fact that your husband tried to destroy your friendship. If your husband does not allow you to go, explain that to your friend and know that she will hate him from now on. When the people that love you the most slowly start dropping out of your life because of your partner, that is a red flag that your in an abusive relationship. I hope that is not the case for you. However, if your husband is dedicated to being hated by all your friends and family, he will do it anyway. He will do it and he will blame it on you.
The present situation is not only not a problem it's also not your fault. You and your best friend marring on the same day is cute! You both chose dates you had to choose and it ended up like this... cute and serendipitous!!! Little girls play Barbies to this story, are you kidding me??? This is adorable, or would be if one person (your husband) wasn't being a dick about it.
Have you explained this to him? Have you let him know that he is stripping every little girls fairy tail right out of your hands? He is acting like your friends wedding is an enemy battle ship for no reason! Wy can't he go with you? This is not a time for GI-Joe this is time for Ken. And Ken, lets Barbi have the best friend fairy tail. You should be able to do have both. Her wedding should be a part of your anniversary. You both should go together.
I hope it goes well honey, good luck!
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I raped someone I want to turn myself in immediately. Tell me what I need to do. I need to be punished. I will not say how it happen and why. I can't make up any excuses. I was drunk but it doesn't change anything. The person who was hurt doesn't want to do anything and prefers to just forget and move on, but I can't . I need to be punished and I want to turn myself in. The person wouldn't have to worry about trial or publicity. I just need to know what I have to prepare for. (link)
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It sounds like you have been through a rather traumatic discovery about yourself. I'm proud of you for wanting to take action and right the wrong, it's brave of you. I don't know what the particular state laws are where you live but, many states have a system something like this... You can call the police and turn yourself in. However if the victim of the crime does not want to press charges nothing will happen. Basically you would be filling out a police report on yourself. Then in the future if anyone ever reports you for rape again, there will be a record and it will be easy for that person to prosecute you.
What I think you should do ASAP is get into therapy! You obviously have some dangerous and scary demons that you need to get to the bottom of. I suggest you start asking around about a good therapist. If your insurance covers mental health check the list of covered professionals on your plan. If you don't have insurance for mental health you still have several options. If you are in school every university and high school should provide free mental health counseling. If not, any religious organization or state public service center should have Mental Health Care available on a "pay what you can," bases. For example, I see a therapist at the Jewish family services center and my payment is based on my income. Religious affiliation has nothing to do with receiving help from these organizations. They are given tax money to help the community and are not allowed to turn people away.
Try and find a good therapist you feel like you can be honest with. Not one that you feel like is judging you or afraid of what you're saying. You might have to try a couple before you find one that works for you but dedicate yourself to getting to the bottom of this. No one is supposed to deal with hardship alone and there are systems in place to help you so you don't do this to anyone else ever again. I know you must be overcome with shame but if you hold it inside it will only get worse. Like I said, I can tell you are brave so look at it honestly and do what you know you need to do.
If you're worried this could happen again or even if you aren't, I think it is a great idea to call the police and turn yourself in!! That way if your drinking again and your mind starts to go to that violent wrong place, you know that there will be consequences. Plus, if you're victim changes her mind (which often happens) the legal system will most likely be empathetic knowing that you turned yourself in.
It's very common for victims of rape to go through a period of self blame and self hate after the incident. They think they asked for it and become ashamed. Many spend years before admitting that it even happened. However, many come around to that idea in days or weeks and immediately take action. This is why when one victim comes forward on a rape case it often has a snow ball effect leading to many victims coming forward. Just because she wants to forget it now doesn't mean she always will.
So yes, report yourself, yes, find a therapist. Then I think you should tell your victim that you feel awful about what happened and you can't forget it and that you have turned yourself in and started seeing a therapist. Tell her you hope your actions have not made her dislike herself in anyway. Tell her that you know your behavior was inexcusable and you are concerned for her thinking otherwise. Perhaps you should suggest that she seeks therapy also? Encourage her to care for herself, love herself and assure her that this was NOT her fault!!!! You have a problem and now that you know how bad it is, you're going to work on it.
You're in a very unique position at a crucial time in society. Rape has been all over the news, being talked about in colleges, and countries across the world. Something is going wrong in terms of our socialization with gender, aggression and sex. It's harming people everyday! The people that are not speaking up in this issue right now are the rapists. You're voice could be the missing piece to help so many communities in the fight against rape. Maybe if you help yourself and speak up about it, others like you will speak up also? I know you feel awful right now but you have the opportunity to do something beautiful with this ugly experience. You seem very brave to me, I'm sure you can do it.
Good Luck honey, feel free to keep me posted or ask any other questions you might have :)
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This guy likes me and keeps talking to me and I want to make sure I'm not accidently flirting with him. Can you tell what not to do? Thanks (link)
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If you don't like him and don't want him talking to you, say so. I don't know hold you are but men in general and especially when they are young, will not get subtleties. If you give them any acknowledgment at all they think you are flirting with them. So don't make conversation at all. Just politely ask him to stop and leave you alone.
This is a good strait forward way to ask him to stop.
"I really don't want to talk to you. Would you please stop bothering me, you're making me uncomfortable, thank you."
If he still persist after that you might want to tell a teacher or parent because that is harassment.
Good luck honey don't be afraid to stand up for yourself.
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I have lied to my boyfriend his car handle fell off so I try to fix it with some super glue he came to my house that evening and asked me if I tried to fix his hand on his car with super glue and I stood in front of him face to face and I said no so he said well I'm going to call my son and see if he done it so you got a hold of his son and his son said no I didn't do it look at the cameras that you have at your house and it will tell who did it. So the next day when he left for work I text him that I did ithe forgive me for that stupid lie but he still broke up with me because I did it face to face if you truly love somebody you shouldn't have to lie to him you should tell them the truth what should I do I asked him for a second chance but he's not listening or even talking to me (link)
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You should not feel like you have to lie, especially over something that could have happened to anyone. The fact that you did shows that you're AFRAID of this man. I don't know the dynamics of this relationship but it can't be healthy if you are afraid of him over something like this.
If a car handle falls off, there was obviously something faulty going on with the handle already because, that should not happen. The fact that it fell off when you grabbed it was coincidence. It could have happened to anyone. You being afraid to tell your boyfriend when you did nothing wrong, is scary!!
You should not try and get back together with this person. It seems like he blames you and punishes you unfairly. This is a type of abuse! Seriously think about it... Dose he shame and blame you over accidents? Does he use accidents to control you and make you feel bad about yourself? If you answered yes, to either of these questions, you have been in an emotionally abusive relationship.
You should never be afraid to be honest with your partner over something like this. RUN AWAY! This guy seems like bad news.
Take some time being single, treat yourself nicely with compassion and understanding. (That is how your partner should treat you.) Try and surround yourself with good people. People that are understanding and kind. Don't date men that blame and shame you. If you are afraid of being honest over a harmless accident, you should not date this person.
Be good to yourself, you deserve to be treated with compassion and understanding.
Good luck honey, I wish you the best :)
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I am 20 years old girl.2 years ago I met a boy (23 years) on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replaid me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. One night I asked him,won't you ever love me?He said "you are a very silly girl,stop this childish,it will be good for you and relationship are really trouble thing for me". On reply I said I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else.He didn't say anything.One day I called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but he refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it(There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it.I came to know from someone.) And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.Every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replaid. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person talked to me little rudely. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't intentional. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replaid. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. I contacted him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And the next day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited into hospital but he didn't even go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad.I come to know that the girl is back in his life.They talk to each other.But they are just friend. He never tells me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me.
We don't talk like before.He never knocks me. I don't knock him much. I still have that feelings for him. I still like him. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am doing okay in my life. I call him sometimes(like once in a month/months) . And he talk to me nicely like before we used to talk. I wonder he still remembers little things about me. I talk to him like a friend. I never talk about my feelings and all this. But last time when we talked he asked me,do I have a boyfriend now? I said,no. He asked,why? On my mind I was telling,because I told you that I will wait for you. But i didn't tell him that. I told him that you know the answer but may be you don't remember it.I was a little angry.
Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?
And yes I always feel that he has some feelings for me. May be its not love,but its special.Did/does he have?I accept the fact that he would never love me. But I still love him. And I am okay with that.
Tell me what to do now? (link)
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Love is a two way road. Sometimes you think your experiencing it with someone that does not love you back but that is NOT love it's only lust. love feels reciprocal, you give to someone and they give back. So you probably don't love this guy your just young, a little obsessed with him and confused about your feelings. There are many great people in the world. I suggest you meet other men, try to go on dates and experience dating. That is what your 20's are for. Your missing out on a great part of your life that will pass eventually and you'll never get back again! Go!! Enjoy your youth! If you are meant to be with this guy (and he is going to love you back someday) then it will happen when it's supposed to happen. You don't need to deprive yourself of one of the most exciting times in your life waiting for it. Go and date people. Learn about relationships and learn about men.
I don't know where you live, or if it's easy to date, but maybe you should try online dating? Be sure if you decide to date anyone you meet on line you do the fallowing for safety.
1. tell people you know and trust like family or close friends where your going to be.
2. meet them in a public place like cafe, cinema, or restaurant.
3. Don't let them pick you up from home.
4. make sure you have chatted enough on line and on the phone that you feel you can trust them.
5. At least at the beginning, stick to dating people close to your age.
I think the reason you're having a hard time relating to this guy you met on facebook is the fact that he is a bit older and more experienced about relationships. To him stating that you love someone you have never seen in person or spent any time with is a bit unrealistic. It shows that your rather inexperienced and don't have the best judgment when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
So put this guy on the "friend list," and try dating some people that are a bit closer to you in terms of experience and age. You might date a few people and really fall in love and look back and think you were foolish for thinking you loved this guy. You might date people and keep him as a good friend and years down the road you might be together. You never know where life will take you or what it will show you. But you should never sit at home waiting for someone that does not love you back! The world is too big and there are too many great people out there just waiting to love you, the way you deserve to be loved! So go find them girl, you can do it!! Find someone that loves you back. I can tell you're very passionate, you seem like a beautiful person inside and out. Give your love to someone that loves you back, you deserve it!
You're young, don't "accept" that someone wont love you! That is unnecessary. You deserve to be loved!! This guy sounds like he doesn't deserve you. Or because you have exhibited some youthful bad judgment he thinks your too young and crazy. So either way now is not the time sister. Stop waisting your 20's and get out there and date. Experience being adored by a man, it's absolutely delightful, I highly recommend it. I also know you deserve it --
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'fingering girl, may have precum on finger, but girl took ipill after the incident....will she be pregnant? (link)
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Almost 100% no. The chances of pregnancy are very low. I don't know about the ipill particularly but most emergency contraceptive pills prevent pregnancy with a 90-100% success rate when they are taken correctly. If she took it within 72 hours of this incident you should be just fine. You should know within the first week because she should get her period sometime in the next 7 days. Each pill is a bit different some are 3 days others can be 5 to 7 days. If your curious about this specific pill you can always ask your pharmacist, check the ipill web site or ask your doctor.
Fingering with precum is an extremely low risk sex act in terms of pregnancy. Precum is generally sterile. There is no sperm in pre-cum. It's fluid your body releases to clear out your urethra in preparation for the actual cum. It leaves the urethra less acidic for sperm survival and with a clear passage so the maximum amount can pass through when you orgasm. Sometimes precum can have sperm in. If you had an orgasm right before that, and some left over sperm from the last orgasm was still in your urethra, then it could be in your precum fluid. It wouldn't be a lot but it is possible.
Good luck hope this is helpful. :)
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husband tells me he wished I'd kill myself. I have no one to talk to, visit, see. Even told my Dr. and he acted like I didn't say anything. I am living in a town full of hate and crime, a fixed income, husband is sick and I am barely keeping it together, all he does is scream at me and stay mad. I am 63 yrs. old and he is 59. He has cirrhosis of the liver, Hep C, diabetes, weighs 340. we live in opposite ends of the house and barely see each other, only at night around 8pm til 10 or 11 pm in the living room to watch TV together, but he usually wants to start an argument. we take turns cooking, but I am the only one who does any cleaning. Never leave the house but for groceries or Dr.'s. Am so ready to just end it...I see no end in sight , we are too poor to move and too disabled to move. WTF do I do? (link)
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I don't know what small hateful town in particular you live in but it sounds like you need to reach out and get some support. If you have no family, no friends and your in a town of hate it sounds to me like you have nothing to loose! If your husband wants to be a verbally abusive old troll, thats just fine but quite frankly, he can do it alone. Now days lots of people are living far beyond the age of 60. Since you have nothing to loose I think it's about time you took some risks. Risk the possibility that your life can be better than this. Whats the worse that can happen? You die trying? Well it's better then just ending it all not trying.
Here is a link to social networking group for 60+ to make connections and share ideas. Seems like it could be a great way to meet some positive proactive people anywhere in the country.
over-60-social-club.meetup.com
If you thought it's too late to leave your husband, think again! YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Check out this article about why women are deciding at age 60 to leave their husbands.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2068324/Why-women-dumping-husbands-sixties.html
If you're worried about money, you'll be happy to know that we have more 60+ seniors in the workforce now than ever before. There are even jobs for the disabled! Check out this sight dedicated to helping people find work after 60.
http://www.anti-aging-articles.com/jobs-for-seniors.html
You will probably live another 30+ years and you should at least try and see what life has out there for you, it might surprise you. Start with the things you can do right now that don't ask a lot of you. Like connecting with other people like you on the internet. Your not dead your in your 60's and your not alone, reach out and get some support. In today's day and age there is no reason not to.
If I were you I would go for it. I would tell my mean old husband that I'm leaving him and if he doesn't think I can then he can watch me. I would get a credit card and charge it up getting the hell out of there and starting over. If you have no family then no one is going to have to pay the bank if you never pay it off. I normally don't advocate being irresponsible but you seem like a really nice lady and banks don't exactly have a good moral reputation themselves. I think they can foot the bill on this one. Your happiness is more important. Its more important to have a doctor that is kind and caring and a community of people that treat each other like human beings. Why let money stand in your way, it's just paper that your not going to take with you in the end anyway. This is your life and it doesn't have to end like this. If your husband wishes you would kill yourself then I guess he wont miss you when your gone. He can enjoy rotting away in that house alone.
Can you connect to retirement communities or senior centers in neighboring towns? Are you functional enough to get work there or qualify for housing? Check out your options. It feels like you have been settling your whole life. Now is the time to take risk and be free in ways young people can't be. You have nothing to loose and thats not depressing it's an amazing OPPORTUNITY!!
Remember you are free and your situation can be a blessing in disguise if you let it.
Good luck honey,
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Hi solidadvice4teens, I am not looking to start a fight. I am not a person who likes arguing. However, after reading your reply to my post I will not keep my thoughts about it to myself. Again, I am not replying to insult you in any way. With that in mind, first of all, let me tell you that in the past I have suggested to my current psychiatrist that she wean me off meds. She said exactly what you said. Was she right? Yes, for the most part yes. Adding onto that, at the beginning of your response you stated that you agreed with adviceman49. Saying that you are both right whether I like it or not. You both are PARTIALLY correct I say partially because you both assumed I was feeling mentally stable while on meds. There is a reason why I suggested to my psychiatrist that she wean me off meds. All those years I had been on them I never felt they truly helped me as much as they sedated me and I have been on loads of different cocktails of drugs. They have all been the same. They all dumb me down tremendously. Psychiatrists have tried prescribing me a smaller dose, changing the medicine altogether to a more "effective/modern" drug but the fact that I was drugged out, to the point of not knowing what I was really doing, on antipsychotics has never changed. Abilify was the last drug I was on and I do admit it was the most helpful one. Not 100% or even 80% either.(As my psychiatrist says the pill is the miracle worker, it does 80% of the work and you only have to do 20% of it). I was on it for four years and it was never the miracle worker my psychiatrist said it would be. Now, you also suggested I visit an emergency room. Why would I go to such an extreme? Doing that would surely result in me getting a 51/50. I have a tight work schedule, if I am gone for even 1 day without notice I would surely lose my job and if I told my employer to let me off the hook because I was in a mental hospital he would surely not sympathize. Not to mention how intense it would become at home with my own family members giving me looks of disapproval and disappointment or even amusement because of my mental "weakness". Adding on to that I was hospitalized when I was about twenty one twice in the time span of one month. I must say the psychiatrist there was horrible, HORRIBLE and the employee's were awful as well. They either hated their jobs or loved their jobs because the patient's crazy behavior entertained them. This is no lie, I got a rash on my face while I was hospitalized because a negligent nurse didn't tell me how to properly use a prescription acne face wash. Yet another thing that sparks my curiosity about what the psychiatry and drug industries true intentions are. Why would they give me a prescription for my acne when that has nothing to do with my mental health. Also, because I was put on so many drugs that had potential increased appetite/weight gain listed as side effects I was eating A LOT. I gained twenty pounds in ONE WEEK. That is ridiculously fast weight gain. They had no problem with serving me three meals in one sitting. That was extremely hazardous to my health. The way everything played out while I was there steers me into believing they were milking my health insurance for all it was worth. In conclusion, adviceman49 suggested I keep a note on my fridge to remind myself that I feel okay because of medications. If you took your time to read this which, I know, ended up being really long you now know that was never the case and also never will be. If I have managed to stay even slightly productive it has mostly been because of my own will. As a teenager I honestly thought they were helping me but I realize now that some of the craziest and most destructive things I have done in my life were done when I was on meds. I completely agree that my mind isn't average. Possibly even inferior and defective but one thing I don't agree with is psychiatry's approach to people like me. My last words may be shocking and insulting to either one or both of you: I am back on my meds. After all these years of being on if go off them my mind becomes too much to handle. It is bad when I am on them but worse when I am not. I hate being overly sedated. Most people see right through it and view me as slow and mentally impaired and I have never in my right mind told anyone other than family and psychiatrist's about my diagnosis. If anything those drugs that you refer to as meds. have done nothing good but turn me into their slave. I know 100% deep down that if the first psychologist I saw didn't order me to take drugs and would have stuck to therapies and counseling my situation in the long run would have been much better. I am not stating everything that has to do with psychiatry is bad but MOST psychiatrist's are and the pharmaceutical industry most definitely is. (link)
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This question wasn't meant for me I'm neither solidadvice4teens or Adviceman49 but it somehow ended up in my inbox. It seems like you have had a wild rid with psychiatrist's and meds for mental illness. All I can say is that you are not alone. Many people struggle with med's and many indefinitely decide it's not for them. Many feel like they somewhat work but not really. Some maintain a strict diet and exorcise is the best medicine. I know in terms of research and innovation, mental health is the most underfunded field of medicine!! Seriously! This is a link to a talk by one my favorite Ted talk speakers. He is talking about depression, which it doesn't sound like is what your dealing with... but I don't know for sure because I don't know the original question you wrote. However I think it's a good (and humorous) talk about our society and it's failure to know how to handle mental health issues. Maybe you can relate to something in it?
ww.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share#t-7986
Other than that all I can say is I read so much passion in your writing. You are passionate about mental heath and it seems like the current system has honestly done wrong by you. I encourage you to reach out, use your experience as a vehicle for change. The system is not perfect, in fact it's very flawed. Write blogs, share your experiences, let your voice be heard, even when your discouraged don't give up. You can help be part of the change you want to see. Although your experience has obviously been very hard, believe me, it's valid. You may struggle with mental illness your whole life. You may never know what %100 feels like. But it doesn't' have to be for nothing. So many people are like you. So many have been failed and damaged by this system. I hope you put all that passion to good use.
Good luck honey
ps. I totally agree with what you said about serving you three meals at once YUCK! That is one fast way to make anyone feel like S***!
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