I am 20 years old girl.2 years ago I met a boy (23 years) on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replaid me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. One night I asked him,won't you ever love me?He said "you are a very silly girl,stop this childish,it will be good for you and relationship are really trouble thing for me". On reply I said I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else.He didn't say anything.One day I called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but he refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it(There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it.I came to know from someone.) And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.Every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replaid. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person talked to me little rudely. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't intentional. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replaid. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. I contacted him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And the next day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited into hospital but he didn't even go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad.I come to know that the girl is back in his life.They talk to each other.But they are just friend. He never tells me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me.
We don't talk like before.He never knocks me. I don't knock him much. I still have that feelings for him. I still like him. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am doing okay in my life. I call him sometimes(like once in a month/months) . And he talk to me nicely like before we used to talk. I wonder he still remembers little things about me. I talk to him like a friend. I never talk about my feelings and all this. But last time when we talked he asked me,do I have a boyfriend now? I said,no. He asked,why? On my mind I was telling,because I told you that I will wait for you. But i didn't tell him that. I told him that you know the answer but may be you don't remember it.I was a little angry.
Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?
And yes I always feel that he has some feelings for me. May be its not love,but its special.Did/does he have?I accept the fact that he would never love me. But I still love him. And I am okay with that.
Tell me what to do now?
nascarfan1987 answered Friday October 24 2014, 3:30 am: You need to move on sweetheart. This guy has a lot of secrets and from what I read, I don't think he is the person your mind has him set to be. He has made it very clear that you are just a friend and personally, he only asked about you being in a relationship for a friendly conversation starter. I know when you fall in love with someone, it's difficult to cut ties- but you are wasting your time. I guarantee that if you leave this boy alone- maybe within time, he will realize what he lost and if he comes back- great. If not, then atleast you are already on the verge of moving on.
OctoberBeat answered Monday October 20 2014, 12:59 am: I cannot tell you what to do. I can however, give you my advice for you to consider and then you can come to your own decision.
Long distant relationships are difficult, meeting people online is nice but if you don't talk on the phone or video chat, or visit one another than it puts stress on the relationship; leaving you with doubt and insecurity about many things. For instance this other woman who "likes" him.
You cannot see him all the time or that easily in person, you do not know what he is doing, who he is talking to and what is happening. You only know what he tells you; uncovering "lies" or "secrets," he held from you for whatever reason personal of his...seems to have had a negative affect on you.
It is understandable. Because then you question what is real and what is a lie and or what else they might be keeping from you.
He got upset, said you were nothing but a facebook friend, whether he said it because he was angry or because he really holds no romantic feelings towards you, only he knows.
You might say you have a feeling that he does have feelings for you, while I won't say you are wrong or right...I will say that psychologically speaking, you are more than likely projecting your own personal feelings onto him and hoping and wishing he feels the same as you do. Since you grew to have feelings towards him.
It is possible to grow feelings towards someone though they are so far away, feelings are complex. I won't get much into it, but if he already told you he had no feelings towards you than you should reflect on everything that has happened up until that point; take a deep breath and think about what is best and realistic.
Though you say you cannot love anyone else, I'd suggest you try to think more in the form of, "I cannot love anyone else like you, for you are only one person. Special to me, but there are other people in life...perhaps I will grow to love someone very different from you, or slightly similar...we shall see."
Depriving yourself from other relationship opportunities, or "waiting for him" seems romantic; but think about it...as I said, you cannot see him. He might be going out, meeting people and you are just waiting for something that will never come.
So I think it is best you try to "move on."
You two can remain friends but you should take time for yourself and go out more.
Speak to people, make new friends; have fun and live life.
Don't just stay on facebook waiting for one person your whole life.
Hardcore-Band-Geek answered Friday October 17 2014, 10:53 pm: Obviously he has caused you A LOT of grief in this time that you have known him. Internet relationships are hard and not even close to the real thing. It sounds like he doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about him. I'm sorry to tell you this, but i think you should forget about him. He uses mean language with you too which is not cool at all and you should not stand that! Delete him and move on. Find some nice guy who lives near you :) [ Hardcore-Band-Geek's advice column | Ask Hardcore-Band-Geek A Question ]
Lola answered Friday October 17 2014, 12:57 pm: What he feels for you is not LOVE. And trust me, even though you won't believe me now, but what you feel for him is not LOVE either.
You can't love someone you've never met, or seen in real life or been with in real life, or shared the thick and thin of life together. Love is about being together through hard times and also sharing good times. But being there through a distance, each one of you behind a computer screen, that is not love. It's called longing for someone, you are longing for him to be yours and for him to turn out to be the right one for you and hoping that when you meet him, you will still feel what you feel for him. Him on the other side, just feels like you are someone who he can tell anything to, whether it's true or a lie, whether it's half the truth and he keeps the rest to himself, he can choose to tell you only what he wants to tell you, because you will never actually know if it's true or not, cause you're not physically with him in his life. Now, long distance relationships never work, like when two people meet, fall inlove, live together, and then one of them travels, and they try to pursue the relationship long distance, it never works, cause each partner starts to indulge in a whole new life, away from his/her other partner, and they start keeping secrets, leading two lives, their old life with their partner, and their new life. Now you are not even leading a long distance relationship because there was no point in time when you guys actually met each other, it has always been an online relationship. That is not love, that is not based on honesty or loyalty or any of the things that love must be based on.
I think that you are a very loving and caring person, and you can give all this love and care to someone who actually physically exists with you in the same place. You don't deserve to spend all this time behind a computer screen or on the phone longing and loving someone who you don't even know anything about, because you don't, because you can't even be certain about the things he shares with you. And yes, sometimes he sounds nice to you when you talk, and then sometimes he doesn't reply. Because the times he sounds nice, are the times when he's available or he's bored or he has nothing else to do. So he chats with you like he chats with so many other people at the same time. He's a person who is friendly and likes to talk with people. But then when he's busy or has other engagements, he totally forgets about you.
You deserve so much better. Because if he cared at all about you or felt anything, he would at least suggest you seeing each other, meeting up, getting to know each other more, but he never mentioned it. He wouldn't even give you his address for you to send him a gift, that's how much he didn't want you to have this address just incase one day you wouldn't show up and surprise him.
Let it go. Text him and tell him how you feel, or you already did, and tell him that you are moving on with your life, you want to put yourself out there and meet other people. And tell him that you will still be there for him if he needs anything, and that you guys are just friends. And then move on with your life, cause he has been moving on with his life all this time that you guys have been talking to each other.
And you know what, sometimes, and i said 'sometimes' , this is what guys need, someone to give them a wake up call, like when you tell him that you will move on with your life, only then would he realize that he feels something for you, IF he really ever did feel something for you. But don't settle for anything less than him making a move and saying that he wants to meet you in person and have a relationship with you in person, in one place. This whole online distance thing, that is just...you deserve so much better.
And i'll tell you what, this is my email address abuali.alaa@gmail.com
You can email me if you need to talk more about this, or to update me, and i'll be there for you. Just if you email me, remind me a little about your problem, for me to know that it's you contacting me.
Or you can continue to inbox me, whatever you feel more comfortable with.
I hope you make the right decision, and know how much your worth, and you are worth much more than what you're putting yourself in. [ Lola's advice column | Ask Lola A Question ]
luchia94 answered Thursday October 16 2014, 3:47 am: Look darling. This guy doesn't know what he wants. He may feel something for you but is too chicken to act on it. You have convinced yourself that you love him and you don't see what I just said. Please have some self respect and give up on this guy. He is not someone you would want as a long term partner. Look at this objectively and you will understand.
CLN answered Wednesday October 15 2014, 2:11 am: You should move on to someone you could feel their love mentally and physically it will feel way better than what you feel from a picture and a voice I promise you
FemaleKenshi answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 11:11 pm: If I was in your shoes, I'd pray about it while still living my life.
As a young lady, you're still young and you have so much ahead of you. I admit, I have been there myself. I let my feelings become my brain. One thing you don't ever want to do is let your feelings take control.
AshokLifeCoach answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 3:48 pm: Hi,
Thank you for your question to my inbox - I am very happy to try and help you with this.
I am sorry but I am simply going to have to be quite blunt here. You are sounding like a crazy stalker. I don't mean to be rude, but lets look at the facts.
You have never met him in person - not even once. He has said quite clearly that you are just a facebook friend to him - and even if you think that's a little harsh given how much you have talked on facebook and whatsapp etc. still the fact remains this is an internet only friendship so to say you are 'just a facebook friend' to him is consistent with the facts. He has shown alarm and concern with your behaviour when you are doing such things as declaring your love for him. He doesn't want you to have his address or didn't want to give you his address. Proper friends know one another's addresses - however not wanting to give a person you have never met and only talk to on-line your address is normal.
The above are some of the cold hard facts of the situation - as you have presented them to me. I am sorry if you think this is harsh but you asked for advice and its no use not telling it as I honestly see it.
You asked if you should stop talking to him. If you can't just view him as a facebook friend you chat to on-line sometimes then yes you should as he seems to want nothing more.
I would concentrate on 'real life' friendships and relationships. Don't fixate on people on the internet you have never even met.
The above having been said. Don't let this get you down. We all do things we look back on and wonder what we where doing or why we acted like we did. The past is the past what has happened has happened.
Take a deep breath and move forward. Concentrate on the friends, family, relationships which you have in the 'real world'.
You deserve to be happy. Chasing boys on the internet you have never met and who don't really want to know will not assist you with being happy. You deserve more.
Please do reply to give more info and / or ask further questions about this if you wish.
I wish you happy real life relationships!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined,
tats answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 1:56 pm: It's hard to believe that you love someone you never met. Most of the people you meet on the net are fraud. I suggest you should move on and meet real people who care. [ tats's advice column | Ask tats A Question ]
ksca answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 11:09 am: Move on if you broke up and he isn't showing any interest then move on you'll never fully forte him but you can find someone better Best wishes [ ksca's advice column | Ask ksca A Question ]
Magii answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 10:53 am: Well im no expert on this stuff but if I was you I would tell him the truth why stay in the dark for ever when you can be free if he rejects you just move on with your life and find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated. This is also a problem if you really do love him the way you say you do then ask him to give you the chance, anyways if you haven't met In person how do you know the guy your talking to is really or not but remember this the choice is always your. Make sure to make the right one not just for him but for yourself be happy. [ Magii's advice column | Ask Magii A Question ]
Jheel answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 7:33 am: This bloke is just an inhuman cheater and all his showoff of care is fake.He is just keeping you as a steady option by neither being serious nor cut-off from you completely..Its better that you throw him out of your life as soon as possible or things may turn out really ugly.. This guy is not trustworthy at all. [ Jheel's advice column | Ask Jheel A Question ]
Sharonj answered Tuesday October 14 2014, 12:11 am: One thing that has always been true in my life is that if a guy wants to be with you, he will be with you. He will do everything to be by your side. This guy doesn't sound like he wants to do anything to keep you in his life.
I was going through some religious things in the beginning of my relationship. After my 4th date with him, I told him I couldn't be with him because he wasn't part of my religion. I thought that was it. I felt sad. But, he emailed me this beautiful long email of why we should be together. He told me although we don't have the same religion, he was supportive of me. I found out from him later that he cried when he read my email. That's how much he cared about me.
You need to be with someone that cares so much about you that they are unwilling to let you go. This guy is willing to let you go.
I had a boyfriend before that cared about me, but didn't love me. He was happy if I was around, and he was happy when I wasn't around. He wouldn't go out of his way to contact me. He kept a lot of things from me. I felt very confused. I broke up with him. I was happy after that.
A guy should never make you feel confused. Either he likes you or he doesn't. If he likes you, he will do everything he can to be with you.
kkayy answered Monday October 13 2014, 12:17 pm: I think it is time to move on. It doesn't seem as though be loves you the way you want or deserve to be loved. He seems confused with what he wants. It seems like you guys are just meant to be friends and nothing more. Don't be in such a rush to fall in love. Soon enough you'll find someone who wants you and only you and won't see any other girl other than you - and that will be worth the wait, I promise. [ kkayy's advice column | Ask kkayy A Question ]
DDiazella3 answered Sunday October 12 2014, 10:28 pm: Love is a two way road. Sometimes you think your experiencing it with someone that does not love you back but that is NOT love it's only lust. love feels reciprocal, you give to someone and they give back. So you probably don't love this guy your just young, a little obsessed with him and confused about your feelings. There are many great people in the world. I suggest you meet other men, try to go on dates and experience dating. That is what your 20's are for. Your missing out on a great part of your life that will pass eventually and you'll never get back again! Go!! Enjoy your youth! If you are meant to be with this guy (and he is going to love you back someday) then it will happen when it's supposed to happen. You don't need to deprive yourself of one of the most exciting times in your life waiting for it. Go and date people. Learn about relationships and learn about men.
I don't know where you live, or if it's easy to date, but maybe you should try online dating? Be sure if you decide to date anyone you meet on line you do the fallowing for safety.
1. tell people you know and trust like family or close friends where your going to be.
2. meet them in a public place like cafe, cinema, or restaurant.
3. Don't let them pick you up from home.
4. make sure you have chatted enough on line and on the phone that you feel you can trust them.
5. At least at the beginning, stick to dating people close to your age.
I think the reason you're having a hard time relating to this guy you met on facebook is the fact that he is a bit older and more experienced about relationships. To him stating that you love someone you have never seen in person or spent any time with is a bit unrealistic. It shows that your rather inexperienced and don't have the best judgment when it comes to interpersonal relationships.
So put this guy on the "friend list," and try dating some people that are a bit closer to you in terms of experience and age. You might date a few people and really fall in love and look back and think you were foolish for thinking you loved this guy. You might date people and keep him as a good friend and years down the road you might be together. You never know where life will take you or what it will show you. But you should never sit at home waiting for someone that does not love you back! The world is too big and there are too many great people out there just waiting to love you, the way you deserve to be loved! So go find them girl, you can do it!! Find someone that loves you back. I can tell you're very passionate, you seem like a beautiful person inside and out. Give your love to someone that loves you back, you deserve it!
You're young, don't "accept" that someone wont love you! That is unnecessary. You deserve to be loved!! This guy sounds like he doesn't deserve you. Or because you have exhibited some youthful bad judgment he thinks your too young and crazy. So either way now is not the time sister. Stop waisting your 20's and get out there and date. Experience being adored by a man, it's absolutely delightful, I highly recommend it. I also know you deserve it --<3
Cardigan answered Sunday October 12 2014, 10:11 pm: "I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else." You ARE able, yet you are CHOOSING instead to maintain an unhealthy fantasy relationship with someone you don't actually know--you don't know his friends, his family, his colleagues, what he does all day, how he walks, his scent, his annoying habits (does he make noises while eating or talk to himself on the way to work?). Everything you idolize in him is something you have constructed. It is imaginary. He has said you don't mean anything to him more than a Facebook friend. He is telling the truth about that. He only talks to you because it feels good to be admired and adored and you stoke his ego. He spends time talking to you because it makes him feel important. The fact he would accept a gift is not a reason to put all your hopes on him. He is seeing other people and not telling you about them.
The issue isn't whether to talk to him or not, the issue is how to spend this precious time you have on earth while you are young! You are wasting energy and hours of time that could be spent pursuing projects: work you are passionate about, volunteering and helping others, and love and friendship from people who will treasure you and share their real four-dimensional lives with you. There are people you could be spending time with in real life, knowing their habits and their foibles and caring for them in ways that allow you to know their families, their friends, their REAL lives. So he's nice and did a few caring things. You can get that pretty much anywhere, it's not that soecial. What's more special is someone who will integrate you into his actual life and be clear that you are a priority for him. Don't waste so much time online, don't waste your love waiting for someone you have basically invented, there's a life to be lived and it's quickly passing! Here's a video that illustrates this: [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) [ Cardigan's advice column | Ask Cardigan A Question ]
ArghhJill answered Saturday October 11 2014, 2:26 pm: This is a really hard position to be in and I'm sorry you are going through this.
In my opinion, you should cut ties with him and let him go. Block him from everything and just work on yourself. It's hard because I know you still like him but he's hurting you right now. And like you said, you are okay without him. He's playing games with your heart by asking questions like that. And it sounds like he has other girls wrapped up in the games as well.
You deserve someone who will cherish every bit of you and not let time go by without talking to you. Think how amazing you will feel if you find someone out there that loves you as much as you love him? And he's out there. I promise. But if you settle for this guy than you may never find him.
I know it's a hard thing to do. Recently my boyfriend of 6 years dumped me. I was so heartbroken and hurt and I kept trying to convince him of what I saw in our relationship. But the truth is, he will never see it. I need someone who sees the same amazing life that I saw with my ex. And it hurts still, but it makes it easier knowing that I did everything I could and now I'm moving on and talking to a guy that treats me like an angel. In the end it's their loss, you are losing someone who treated you decently every now and then and that you could talk to. But with him, he's losing someone who loved him through everything and would always be there for him. To me that's a much bigger loss!
The easiest way to get over him is to delete everything. I'm such a pushover that this was tricky for me. But you need to get away from seeing his name on Facebook or anything else. You'll feel much better. And know that you aren't alone. So many people go through heart breaks with the people they saw a life with, but they also find new loves and end up where they are meant to be. I believe that divorce happens often because we accept too much of what we honestly don't want. You need to not settle.
victorhope answered Saturday October 11 2014, 5:03 am: from what you have said i can see that the man is someone who have a wound from love. i think his previous relationship was not so good. if u want him you have to help him heal, you have to stop pushing him, stop expecting him to be nice or show care, stop behaving like u are desperate because all these will make him confuse about your true feelings to him. instead start acting more like a friend. show him care without expecting anything in return and one day he will realize how wonderful you are and that knowing you is a blessing, a blessing he cant afford to loss in his life then he will be yours forever. [ victorhope's advice column | Ask victorhope A Question ]
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