CLN's advice column

askCLN

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: I need help. I'm anxious. I'm almost 14. I cut and I'm depressed and anxious most of the time. School is horrible and I hate it. At home things aren't perfect at all. I somehow need to end up in hospital or something.. Please don't say I'm selfish you don't know me or my life.. Please don't say you need to go because you're cutting. I can't my mum won't take me just for that.

you should know that people do these things like cutting to hurt themselves to be close to death just to avoid pain and the problem. yo shouldn't do that sweety that's a sign of weakness and I know that your strong, your basically letting what ever is making you cut your self get the best of you, they are winning, the are sitting there or somewhere perfectly fine and your hurting yourself, I wouldn't say your selfish I would say your acting weak you haven't found out how strong you are and what the future holds for you I hope you get it right

Q: Okay...so I am a practicing hedge witch. I am not a satanist, niether do I hurt anyone, controll anyone, make poisons, sacrifice goats or do anything to harm anything or anyone...infact I do quite the oposite..I make home made remedies from herbs ect, to help peoples illnesses and beauty problems, I help as much wildlife as I can (I have had multiple resued wildlife from crows with broken wings to a snail with a broken shell.) I'm just a genuinely peacefull person who goes out of their way to help anything or anyone. So why, do i get so much abuse from christians? I've done nothing wrong towards them at all...I thaught it was suposed to be a peacefull religion that respects everyone and every living thing yet they abuse people who do a better job at meating ther religions teachings than what they do...and im not even close to a christian...

ok lets get straight to the point, in the bible witchcraft is forbidden and evil. the only healer is god the only savior is god, so if your doing these things basically they believe your doing it with satans help, which is true god wouldn't give you that power because he created everyone equal and in the bible god people was told to not take part in the evil works. if you believe in god you should look into it if not,,, do you

Q: Hello!

As the headline says, im trying to be a better man, and being able to do some self defense is never bad idea. I heared that some martial arts are tied with some sort of philosophy and through it teaching other things for life then just "beating people" (because beating people is NOT my desire in the first place). I will be most grateful if you give me any suggestions i could follow.

Thank you!

I'm not sure if i can help with this lol i have no idea but... you can always do research, like how to develop your chi with martial arts which in my eyes is building up your inner strength and gaining control over most of your body which the average person has no control of, i wish i could say more but i hope i helped a lil

Q: im looking to spice things up in the bedroom for my girlfriend and i was wondering if i could get some tips she mainly likes getting eaten out but i want to make her feel like the only girl in the world any tips?

IF love is involved in your relationship then the best thing to do is to make her feel wanted..

as a female i love to be held and kiss while being intimate but thats me... I'm more of a making love type person,

i would want a man to make love to me then after tell me I'm beautiful and while he does that look into my eyes that moment there will be stuck in my head like all day maybe on and off during the week

somethings could send chills through a womans body, what sends chills through mine is when i get a kiss but not just any kiss but like look in my eyes talk low and slow and meaningful then gently touch my face to kiss me that would drive me nuts

tell her she is all you want and you can't find what she has in no one else.

basically don't make your sex life with your mate just about sex, make love and passionate love, listen to the way she breaths and you will also makes this moment special for your self,

i hope i helped lol remember make love to her :)

Q: Hi! My name is Brianna. I recently got out of a relationship of 4 years...so I'm a little lost with this "does he like me" stuff". I'll try not to make this too long. BUT HELP!

Alright, I'm in this internship. One of the other students and I basically began texting and you know, it seemed like it would be flirting. We would go to group lunches and stuff and text basically all of the time. But we decided to make this whole thing a secret because i'm the student coordinator for this internship (he's 22 and I'm 21). He invited me to his house after a few weeks and I said no because i hadn't really known him and I said I would prefer meeting alone for lunch or something. It's rather hard to meet because he works in a different city, commutes to a different city for his internship, and comes to my city for classes on Friday. Eventually, I decided to come over to his place because it's just hard to get together besides friday and I don't have my pwn place either...

I'm not looking for a realtionship either and we've expressed that to each other. But I'm not gonna lie, he's very well together, just graduated, attractive so I wouldn't mind if things worked and maybe i am getting some feelings...but I'll live if it doesn't happen. SO we had sex...a few times. it's fun making this a secret. But I wannt say he's catching feelings too? We had a work trip last week and basically hung out the whole time. even though he asked to keep this a secret, he moved 4 times on the bus to sit next to me, flirts with me like normal and he made a lame excuse to hang with me after the trip once everyone left. He said "where can I get an oil change?". It's like we hang out at his house and sit there like we're 12 and nervous. He comes up with the lamest exucses to text me and they form into conversations (usually questions about work
thats irrelevant). After taking him to a gas station since he wasn't from the area after the trip, we hung out there for like 10 minutes like idiots. Then sat in our cars and stared at eachother smiling at eachother like we didn't want eachother to leave for the next 5 minutes. like WHAT IS GOING ON! So I asked when would we hang out again WITHOUT a group of people and he said he was busy and had to drive home to kentucky. I'm like fine. But we act kind of secret in groups, but more and more hes a little more flirty, but then has moments where i feel like he's just not interested. He hasn't invited me back to his place, and i feel like i'm bugging him and don't want to. So how should i do this? Just let it go? or give him space. There's like 2weeks left of our internship anyway... one more thing...I've hung around him plenty now. He's not a slow texter from what I notice. At first, he would text back pretty quick. Now it's an hour or two or even several. Or sometimes it'll be fast, but mostly slow. Thoughts?

ok this is very interesting just to say lol

but think about these things. who was the first to say that relationship was out of the picture?

if you were then maybe he agreed with you so that you would think he's on the same page,
(i done this before and i felt very dumb when he said no relationship i agreed and stop hanging out with the guy, because i wanted something real.)

then think what would you do? what would be 3 reasons you stop texting someone as quickly..?

ill tell you my three
1) we have boring conversations or same questions are being asked
2) I'm no longer interested or found someone more serious
3) not trying to be rude but no excitement

but most of the time when someone is not texting you back as soon as they use to, its because something has changed and they don't want to tell you that because they fear of hurting your feelings.

from the sound of things my love this is kinda weird but maybe you can change that,,

what id would do is come straight forward when you guys hang out in groups pull him to the side and tell him whats the worst that can happen.

good luck my love

Q: Hello I'm a 13 year old that came for fifth time but I've whacked off ten times mor than that. Now that I'm starting to produce cum I have an orgasm five minutes into masterbation and cum thirty seconds after my orgasm. It isn't fully white yet and it doesn't shoot out yet because I haven't fully matured yet. But the problem is I used to not cum at all but now I cum too fast. I used to reach orgasms and release pre-cum but no real cum and stop in frustration. I want to last a long time and still cum but even if I jerk day after day it comes out too fast. Please help.

its because your 13,

if you keep doing it, most likely gods going to get you in the long run, he's always watching

be careful don't get blue balls, i hear it hurts..... bad... really bad. :)

Q: name sleeping pills for sucide

suicide is such a selfish act, you will pass why your family and love ones won't to kill themselves because you did not take the time to tell them this emotional state your in, so they cry and you take the easy way out of your problems.
to me suicide is like cheating on a test the difficult parts if for you to work out you can't cheat that those difficult parts are still going to surface the death while you lay in your grave, only way to get through your problem is to face them speak up. weather it is not having any friends bullied or bad relationship its ways to over come that, prove those assholes wrong.
piss them off with you success, suicide is not doing anything but telling them " hey you won, now I'm going to take my life away because YOU brought me to this" it will be so much better to be like " hey, you got me this time, but i going to grow and shine and your going to wish that you were cool enough of to be me or know someone like me,"

from the sound of it your young you have so much time to prove yourself if you are

and if your older....... i honestly think its time you grow up as an adult and make way better decisions

life is a gift from our father and its to precious to let it end by our own hand

take care

Q: how to tell if a girl like you or not?

age wise is what you should add but il do this

14-16 they would talk to you whenever say hi smile make eye contact wave, and even sometimes make you seem like your awkward depending on what type of girl she is

17-20 they will instantly answer text phone calls and not have you on hold for too long, ask you wyd a lot not to be nosy but to have a conversation with you

21-25 they will try to pretend they are not so desperate but continue to hold a conversation but at any given chance they will be openly willing to hang out, drinks clubs or just movies at home

but al girls that like someone will try to put that i don't like you face on unless you show them that you like them other then that they may be here asking the same question about you

HOW TO TELL IF A GUY LIKES YOU OR NOT?
so the best thing to do is, make it know that your interested, i prefer one on one when you say, so that she can be more conformable by making it clear that its just you and her

whats the worst that could happen?
only one answer out of two YES or NO

Q: How do I make my dad understand how much he's mentally hurting me by taking away my iPod permanently until he can block chat sites? When he takes it away and blocks the chat sites, I can't talk to my friends or my girlfriend anymore, and it's really hurting me. I try to talk to him, but all he does in response is not listen and make fun of me. I really need someone's help right now... v.v
I am a 13/F

we all have this problem at your age, and parents think taking away your personals will stop you from being sexually active,
not saying you are the problem but just think have you done anything to make him take it away, maybe something that you shouldn't have been doing. if not then state your issue to you father and let him know how you feel just like you explained to me.

sometimes making a parent feel bad or guilty about their actions would make them think twice, tell him your around the age to know right from wrong, its a time in life they would have to let you have your freedom,

if your doing right and not making silly choices then tell him why does he have to take your only way of contacting your friends away,

i know how you feel like your blocked out of your own life.

if he doesn't come to. tell him you won't do it again your sorry and you understand why he did what he did, followed by you doing things at a more mature level, but he also must let you make these silly mistakes why your young so that when your older you will be prepared for these choices,

depending on the sites your on like kik or insta Facebook maybe even tiny chat those should be acceptable for your age, but the adult sites my love i could so see why he wouldn't want you there. but if the sites are not that extreme let him know if you don't have anything to hide tell him he could have your password so that he could still be in control

its not much i could say to you to help in this case but if you can explain more i can for sure give you better advice

take care

Q: Hey guys well I had a guy that's known me all my life I'm 19 years old and a girl btw.
He was always making up excuses for why he would have to do something with me another day or when he wanted my help with something the he would be like I'm sorry but I'm busy maybe another time.

But anyways I need to know how to distance myself from him because he was supposed to be there for me but I'm feel like I'm done being his friend.

What should I do?

ok so your 19 and your basically an adult

at this age you come to realize that most of your friends are not really friends and most of them will turn away not for the worst but for the better,

you saying "I'm not going to be your friend anymore" will sound very childish, am i right? so what you do is minimize contact you could still be cool with that person but you know that he is not going to have your back when you need it. so make a choice whether you want to have his back or not,

treat him as if you guys are just associates. it would be better than just ending a friendship because one incident

Q: Hi, I've always been kind of shy. I never really talked much even as a kid, so I wouldnt talk to people I'd just smile (if I liked that perons). But now I'm a lot less socially awkward. I have less friends. And when i try to make new friends I never know what to say, I always start with asking them basic questions but then I get stuck. Today I even went to hug my grandma before I left and I felt awkward because I hugged her, said hi and just left. I feel like if someone else did that it would've run smoother but I feel like it was awkward. So my question is: how do I become less socially awkward?

ill give you a short simple answer, sometimes it helps to get out of character i felt the same way once in my life but if you gather a since of humor then it won't be so awkward unless you take that to far, another think is, think of what to say and tell yourself in your had to say it, if I'm talking to a guy and i get nervous about something i want to say in my head i dear myself to say it and build up the courage and just come out with it, last you can also say something about yourself and maybe you can ask them if they can relate to it, most social convos with new people are awkward anyway i don't think i am the only one who thinks that but when you get to know that person it gets so much better because you would know what to expect and they will as well,

Good luck.

Q: I am scared to report c porn because i am afraid they will blame me. i don't know why. please report these sites for me?

(link removed after being reported)

(link removed after being reported)

(link removed after being reported)

(link removed after being reported)

please help me and report sites above!

all i searched for 2was teen! OMG! i m a girl!

wait so what happen on the sites just don't go to them why do you need to report them

Q: I love a girl named Tyra King but I need to know if ur advice worked?

what do you need advice on?

Q: So there's this guy at my work that I like, and we've been texting each other back and forth pretty often. Before reading week ended, I gave him this gift card to a sushi restaurant and he said we should go, and asked me to go to dinner! He picked me up and dropped me off home but didn't make any move. All throughout dinner it was really nice, it never felt awkward , but I just couldn't read him. Fast forward a few days, I texted him a "so do you know what I was craving today ?! Crepes ! Haha When are you free ? We should go out sometime !" And he replied "Haha I had some on my birthday! But I'm still down for crepes! We should go after exams are done! We can celebrate all of the A's we got haha" . Does it seem like he's interested in me ?? There were other instances where we were talking about soccer and I said I would watch him play over the summer and he said that he'll score a goal for me, or the time when he said he'll buy me green tea kit kat when he goes to Japan cause it's my favourite, or like how he'll teach me ukulele because I'm teaching him violin .... Like does it seem like he just thinks of me as a friend or more ?

its possible that he is thinking of it that way.. but then he could be playing it safe because he thinks you are not really into him.. when you get to the point you are in now, someone has to speak up so if he isn't my love you have to, the worst that could happen is that he say he's not into you like that, but it will give you a clear mind of friendship or relationship… or you could keep doing things with him and sooner or later one of you will speak up. most of the time you could always throw out hits and maybe he would catch on.. like you both being single and ask about him, maybe he's looking for a person to come to him.. but my official answer is i don't think he is putting you in the friend zone, i honestly think he's trying to see if you want to be there or he's not trying to run you off too quick…

hope all goes great and SPEAK UP and BE HEARD lol have a good one

Q: Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills).

i really wish you would email me loveworks.cn@gmail.com i want to help you if i could… just every time you get that thought keep in mind how you would make others feel ending things that way.. its selfish and if you believe in god its the worst way to handle things.. you are strong and i know you can over come these thoughts… you have much to live for even if you feel worthless soo many people will be hurt and disappointed in the end… please keep your head on straight and really thing these things through

honestly take great care you are a gift to this earth…

its all about overcoming and self control.. only you could make things right but again i would love to continue to chat with you

Q: I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me.

So basically you won't a man for sex…

by you saying that your still going through puberty you must be young… and your in school? the best thing to do my love is focus on yourself.. in your little bright mind you might say your not young.. but the best thing to do at this age is not worry about boys because from experience and how things are in 2015 these teenage or even preteen flings don't last you should try taming yourself before things get out of hand darling.. i could tell you this it will feel zoo much better to save that for someone who really loves you and care about your feelings.. a "boyfriend" now could be your worst enemy later. and just if you don't take this advice to heart.. practice safe sex my love.. and don't treat men as objects because somewhere in the future you will see how it feels all women go through it.. value your self baby… sex is not what should keep a relationship together… your better and stronger you are a female…. do me a favor…. look up FE on the periodic table of elements and I'm pretty sure you know what male mean.. when you put that together you will come to find we are much stronger and stronger and stronger then men we are FEMALES be safe sorry i can't help you more than this angel

Q: i think that it worked how would i find out tho?

you have to remind me who you love I don't remember where we left off

Q: Hello,
My boyfriend and I are 17 and 18 years old. We started a long distance relationship a little over six months ago. Back then, I was still a virgin and he knew that. However, a few months ago I cheated on him and lost my virginity to a guy I honestly had no feelings for. I was completely aware of what I was doing and I did it because I really just wanted to get it over with. I made sure there were no feelings attached. Now, the guy still chases after me, but I want no business with him, or any other guy rather than my boyfriend. I love him to death and really have no trouble remaining faithful. I realized it wasn't worth it and he's truly the only guy I ever want to be with. However, I know that he'll want to break up with me and his heart will be completely shattered if he knows. He keeps talking about how magical he wants my first time to be once we finally see each other again. And I believe it will be magical because it'll be with him. I don't want to lose him, but I do think he needs to know. I also don't think it's any conversation to have via phone/text/video. A close friend told me not to say anything '"cause there's no point". I know if we were in the same time zone it'd be easier to confess and try to win his trust back, but I have a serious disadvantage by not being able to daily demonstrate my true feelings towards him. I've thought of telling him in the far future, once we're living together, but I don't know how he'll feel about it after such a long time...
Also, I'm actually kind of glad I did it only because it was extremely painful, and he wasn't the one who caused that terrible experience. The guy was gentle, so it would've been bad either way. Should I tell him when we finally meet again? If so, should I do it as soon as possible, or do I give it some time? If I do choose to tell him, I know I probably shouldn't have sex with him until he's known, but I'm terribly scared of ruining the possibility of a future with him.
I'd appreciate any thoughts and advice,
Thank you.

Hey love.
what I would do is not say anything and promise yourself that you won't do it again.. if you really love him when you see him you will feel in your heart that you did the wrong thing.. and sweetie if you want to tell him it's. notnothing wrong with that but since you guys are away from each other it will surely start giving him trust issues.. so to keep things how they are I say keep this one thing to yourself.

hope I helped

Q: I have been giving it a break. For like two weeks know or since i last asked. Its not working.

Then maybe you should go to a doctor and see where it go from there

Q: I am 20 years old girl.2 years ago I met a boy (23 years) on facebook.He was from the another city of my country.I never add unknown people. Actually I was searching someone from his company. And I sent friend request to him. But after chatting I came to know that he was not the one. I decided to remove him. But from his old status I came to know that he lost his mother last year. I really felt bad. And decided not to remove him. We became friends. We used to chat for long time. He shared a lot of things with me so did I. He was a nice boy. He cared for me. I forgot to take my medicine. He asked me everyday that I took my medicine or not. He asked my opinion about his business card. I mean he gave me priorities. But after 2 months don't know what happened he started to change. He didn't reply me back like before. I didn't ask why. And I started to realize that I like him. I felt bad about it that how I fall in love with someone on internet. I decided to move on and not to talk to him anymore. But that time it seemed very difficult to me. I decided to remove him. One night I knocked him and told him something about my family and then told him that I am going to remove him. He said please tell me the reason. I told him and removed him.but still I used to message him and he replaid me. That time I came to know from other source that he hided things from me. He didn't told me that his father got married few days ago. He told me that he had a girlfriend for one year but he never loved her. But I came to know that after that he also had a girlfriend almost for 3 years. But he didn't tell me anything about it. After one months I added him again. He accepted friend request and talked to me like nothing happened. Everything became normal again. I gave him my number. We started to chat on whatsapp. Almost like before. It was my birthday. I asked for gift. He asked what I want. I told as your wish. He told me to ask for something. I told him that you won't be able to give me. He asked me what. I didn't want to tell him. But he forced me and requested me to tell what I want. I told him that I liked him seriously and I really wanted to spent my life with him. He told me that we didn't meet each other ever so we shouldn't think about it. One night I asked him,won't you ever love me?He said "you are a very silly girl,stop this childish,it will be good for you and relationship are really trouble thing for me". On reply I said I will wait for you because I am unable to love anyone else.He didn't say anything.One day I called him and we talked for the first time. That day he told me about his father marriage. We talked for 20 minutes. And he was nice. After that we used to talk. His birthday was coming I decided to send him a gift. I asked for his address but he refused to give it to me. But I knew his addressed already so I sent the gift. And he accepted it(There was his another female friend. She also liked him. She also send him gift but he didn't accept it.I came to know from someone.) And on his birthday he called me and said that I am crazy. But he was happy.Every thing was going well. One day I knocked him on whatsapp and after sometime he replaid. Like he always does. But I felt something is wrong. Don't know why!!! But my mind telling me that something is wrong. I felt that he was not replying me. Someone else was doing it. And the person talked to me little rudely. I knew that he couldn't talk to me like that. I end the conversation. I was so upset that he allowed someone to reply me by his phone. After 7 days I knocked him and asked about the matter. He told that it wasn't he. I asked who it was. He told it was his colleague. But he didn't tell the name. I got very angry. He tried to explain me that it wasn't intentional. But I didn't pay any heed to his talk. I asked him how could he allowed someone to message me. He said that his colleague borrowed his phone for some work and I knocked that time and she replaid. She also deleted the message but told him what she wrote. And she did it for fun. I was so angry. I shouted at him. And told him not to contact me ever. At last he also got angry and told me that I was just a facebook friend to him nothing else and he never thought about me.
After that I found out the girls name. She is 1 year older than him. She also proposed him. But he said no. I contacted him again almost after 3 months. He also did. One day he called me we talked for so long. And the next day the girl tried to commit suicide and admited into hospital but he didn't even go to see her. When I heard about it I really felt bad.I come to know that the girl is back in his life.They talk to each other.But they are just friend. He never tells me anything about it ever. I found it out from another source. I also ask him that if he has any problem to talk to me he can tell me directly I won't contact him again. But he says he has no problem to talk to me.
We don't talk like before.He never knocks me. I don't knock him much. I still have that feelings for him. I still like him. But it doesn't hurt me anymore. I am doing okay in my life. I call him sometimes(like once in a month/months) . And he talk to me nicely like before we used to talk. I wonder he still remembers little things about me. I talk to him like a friend. I never talk about my feelings and all this. But last time when we talked he asked me,do I have a boyfriend now? I said,no. He asked,why? On my mind I was telling,because I told you that I will wait for you. But i didn't tell him that. I told him that you know the answer but may be you don't remember it.I was a little angry.
Should I move on?Should I cut contact with him?
And yes I always feel that he has some feelings for me. May be its not love,but its special.Did/does he have?I accept the fact that he would never love me. But I still love him. And I am okay with that.
Tell me what to do now?

You should move on to someone you could feel their love mentally and physically it will feel way better than what you feel from a picture and a voice I promise you

Good luck xoxo

bio

I am always willing to answer any question you have make sure you include your age. Just know if u dont want to ask in public you can always email me (loveworks.cn@gmail.com)

xoxoxo