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I'm new to dating again...
Hi! My name is Brianna. I recently got out of a relationship of 4 years...so I'm a little lost with this "does he like me" stuff". I'll try not to make this too long. BUT HELP!
Alright, I'm in this internship. One of the other students and I basically began texting and you know, it seemed like it would be flirting. We would go to group lunches and stuff and text basically all of the time. But we decided to make this whole thing a secret because i'm the student coordinator for this internship (he's 22 and I'm 21). He invited me to his house after a few weeks and I said no because i hadn't really known him and I said I would prefer meeting alone for lunch or something. It's rather hard to meet because he works in a different city, commutes to a different city for his internship, and comes to my city for classes on Friday. Eventually, I decided to come over to his place because it's just hard to get together besides friday and I don't have my pwn place either...
I'm not looking for a realtionship either and we've expressed that to each other. But I'm not gonna lie, he's very well together, just graduated, attractive so I wouldn't mind if things worked and maybe i am getting some feelings...but I'll live if it doesn't happen. SO we had sex...a few times. it's fun making this a secret. But I wannt say he's catching feelings too? We had a work trip last week and basically hung out the whole time. even though he asked to keep this a secret, he moved 4 times on the bus to sit next to me, flirts with me like normal and he made a lame excuse to hang with me after the trip once everyone left. He said "where can I get an oil change?". It's like we hang out at his house and sit there like we're 12 and nervous. He comes up with the lamest exucses to text me and they form into conversations (usually questions about work
thats irrelevant). After taking him to a gas station since he wasn't from the area after the trip, we hung out there for like 10 minutes like idiots. Then sat in our cars and stared at eachother smiling at eachother like we didn't want eachother to leave for the next 5 minutes. like WHAT IS GOING ON! So I asked when would we hang out again WITHOUT a group of people and he said he was busy and had to drive home to kentucky. I'm like fine. But we act kind of secret in groups, but more and more hes a little more flirty, but then has moments where i feel like he's just not interested. He hasn't invited me back to his place, and i feel like i'm bugging him and don't want to. So how should i do this? Just let it go? or give him space. There's like 2weeks left of our internship anyway... one more thing...I've hung around him plenty now. He's not a slow texter from what I notice. At first, he would text back pretty quick. Now it's an hour or two or even several. Or sometimes it'll be fast, but mostly slow. Thoughts?
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ok this is very interesting just to say lol
but think about these things. who was the first to say that relationship was out of the picture?
if you were then maybe he agreed with you so that you would think he's on the same page,
(i done this before and i felt very dumb when he said no relationship i agreed and stop hanging out with the guy, because i wanted something real.)
then think what would you do? what would be 3 reasons you stop texting someone as quickly..?
ill tell you my three
1) we have boring conversations or same questions are being asked
2) I'm no longer interested or found someone more serious
3) not trying to be rude but no excitement
but most of the time when someone is not texting you back as soon as they use to, its because something has changed and they don't want to tell you that because they fear of hurting your feelings.
from the sound of things my love this is kinda weird but maybe you can change that,,
what id would do is come straight forward when you guys hang out in groups pull him to the side and tell him whats the worst that can happen.
good luck my love
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Well, you did say the following, I'm not looking for a realtionship either and we've expressed that to each other.
That is something you set as boundaries or ground rules for the relationship before you really knew each other.
You know that when terms are done and he's on his own way, there's little likelihood of the two of you being close enough to get a chance to meet together again. So you need to decide what it is you want.
If you just want a social relationship for now and nothing serious because the timing is off for you, then let it go.
If you didn't want something serious but realize that if the right person seemed to come along, you'd be willing to investigate further is thats so, in order to not lose a chance with the guy, well, then you have to say something.
What I would say is, "I know that in the beginning, we both established that we weren't looking for anything serious yet, no real relationship. Well, I want to amend that. I am not looking for a relationship, but I was open to checking out a person further if I ran into anyone who seemed promising enough to check out further. So far, I'd have to say that you catch my interest in that way. I'd really like the chance to get to know you even better and see if it develops into anything. What do you think?"
This brings the issue to the table, and you're asking for his opinion at the end after telling him how you're thinking and gives him the option to decide yes or no without you begging him to stay in touch, in touch as a friend or start a relationship with you.
Of course you can choose to not say a thing and the two of you drift apart, going your own ways. Then you will have to put up with a lifetime of wondering always if something could've worked out between you. That wondering can bring on regrets for not saying anything and make your thoughts tend to dwell on the past rather than on your day to day life. So to avoid that, best to say something. good luck and let me know how it goes.
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