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I'm bad at social interaction
Hi, I've always been kind of shy. I never really talked much even as a kid, so I wouldnt talk to people I'd just smile (if I liked that perons). But now I'm a lot less socially awkward. I have less friends. And when i try to make new friends I never know what to say, I always start with asking them basic questions but then I get stuck. Today I even went to hug my grandma before I left and I felt awkward because I hugged her, said hi and just left. I feel like if someone else did that it would've run smoother but I feel like it was awkward. So my question is: how do I become less socially awkward?
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ill give you a short simple answer, sometimes it helps to get out of character i felt the same way once in my life but if you gather a since of humor then it won't be so awkward unless you take that to far, another think is, think of what to say and tell yourself in your had to say it, if I'm talking to a guy and i get nervous about something i want to say in my head i dear myself to say it and build up the courage and just come out with it, last you can also say something about yourself and maybe you can ask them if they can relate to it, most social convos with new people are awkward anyway i don't think i am the only one who thinks that but when you get to know that person it gets so much better because you would know what to expect and they will as well,
Good luck.
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If you can approach and hug or smile at people and attempt to make new friends or start a conversation, I wouldn't really classify it as being shy or having social anxiety, you just simply have your mind go blank and can't think of how to have a conversation.
It just may be that your personality type doesn't do well in this way but conversation is needed to interact in your world so you need to be able to converse on matters that are an issue at the moment.
Such as talking to teacher after class /talking to boss if an assignment given isn't understood and you need clarification. You need to be able to do those basics of communication.
I don't think that is your problem. My instincts say you are only concerned about how to make social conversation for feel like you have to become a coversational pro, just find a balance with what you are comfortable with.
A couple good clues to making conversation is to thank a person for something they did for you, or to compliment them on something.
Lets take grandma for example. With the hug you could say a simple "Grandma, you give the best hugs." She'll say thankyou and it ends there. Or if you wish to push yourself further, compliment her on something else you really like about her, maybe what she's wearing looks good on her. Dont say it does if you think she looks so outdated, only if you like the way she styled her hair that day, the jewelry she's wearing looks cool or she always wears colors that look good on her. You can also compliment her on something from the past, like "Grandman, another like I like best about you is your cookies. I like home made better than store cookies. She'll say thankyou or that its something she likes to do that gives her pleasure. Next you could add something more along the lines of the same subject such as letting her know of any specific favorites. Always find something in the last thing you or the other person said to latch on to as an excuse for the next thing you say. So here you could be saying, "Your snickerdoodles are my favorite, I could eat them every day. then if you want to add in a bit of easy humor, you simply end that last sentence with 'hint, hint.'
I myself love to tell stories and use that to fill in spaces, My own experiences or those of others told to me. But you might want to learn to ask people first, questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves so in effect, you'll not be doing much talking once you get them started but only nod, smile and add comments along the way.
Once you get comfortable with that, you add in a story to something they mentioned.
Example: A friend was asked what they did last weekend and said they helped their Dad work on rebuilding a deck or helped Mom painting the living room. Think of a time you helped a parent with a task. And you could then mention it too. Maybe they mentioned the color of the paint and you ask if Mom liked it still after it was all done. then you share of a friend you know who thought the paint sample they decided with was a light color but once the entire bedroom was done, they remarked the room felt more like a tomb or dark cell now. The word, tomb, dungeon or cell gets your friend thinking about a movie they just watched with that word in it and they ask if you've seen it. YOu say no, but then scary movies aren't your type, you like comedy instead like...and give an example. I hope you see how each person listens close and when a word or something they said reminds you of something you can share, do so. Its easier to say, "When you said, such and such, that reminded me of ......, would you like to hear the story?
Write me any time even if you had trouble and give the setting, the person you tried to talk to, what was said and how it didn't go well and I can feed you ideas of other ways it could've been handled. Even after the fact, you will get used to seeing a pattern here of how to make conversation and it should help in the future.
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