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Friend who loves someone attached


Question Posted Monday February 16 2015, 6:58 pm

A close friend is struggling with a strong emotional attachment to a much younger male. My friend is male, and the two are friends as of now;
however, he thinks he needs to distance himself for sometime to reevaluate where this friendship might be going. He claims there are no sexual fantasies, only a deep, abiding compassion, and affection, that he is afraid could be miscontrued, even though he has written messages describing his feelings, but has gotten no real response. I fear for his meatal and emotional well being, as he tells me cries often when alone, and prays constantlly to God for understanding of why his heart is so burdened to this friend, and just wants an outlet to show his affection, through financial assistance if nothing else, just so he can feel some sort of release of his urge to love and be needed. I really feel sorry for him, because he is a good person, who truly loves his friend very much, but is simply confused as to what to do, without being a annoyance.


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DDiazella3 answered Wednesday February 18 2015, 1:43 am:
Well if he has written these messages and received no answer, not even a, "yes I'll take the financial help," then it's tool late, he's already an annoyance. Many times we think we find the missing pieces of ourselves in someone else. Then we realize, it was a case of mistaken identity all along. For some reason, your friend thinks constant, non sexual, deep abiding compassion and affection from this young man will make his life full? Well this young man does not seem to want deep abiding compassion from your friend and there is nothing anyone could and should do about that.

It sounds like you're friend is a bit lost, probably depressed and looking for love and/or affection in all the wrong places. You should tell him to stop annoying this poor young guy and delete his number. Then you should tell him that behavior is creepy and it's scaring the shit out of you. He should go see a therapist and maybe the two of them can get to the bottom of what is going on... whats really going on. You should also encourage him to be involved in social activities having to do with things he likes. For example, if he is into novels, join a book club. If he enjoys writing or painting encourage him to take an adult continuing ed class. He needs some community in his life right now and an interest for growth. Generally, we all feel better about ourselves and life when we're growing, learning or connecting in some relevant way. By relevant, I mean something we are willing to believe matters. Right now he is pouring all his passion and energy into a person that is not interested, will give no return and only make him feel like a desperate failure. He obviously has a lot of passion and beauty inside him but he is being self destructive with it. The self distractive nature of all this, is the mane problem here. That is why he needs to get help.

Encourage your friend to get professional help and get out there and ACTUALLY give life a chance. NOT to be confused with setting himself up to be a tortured failure and then wonder why the process is so unpleasant. That young man will never be his happiness.

You're a good friend honey, he's lucky to have you.
I wish you the best.

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