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wedding for daughter
so, I have been friends with tracy for 15+ yrs and thought our friendship was a close one. ( she lived with my family for over a year when I was over the road truck driving). her daughter is getting married in july and dress fitting is this week. tracy and I haven't been talking lately and im chalking it up to her boyfriend.
you see, tracys boyfriend jeff wants to go to her daughters wedding. seeing jeff up close and personal and dealing with him for a week at another vacation we had taken. I really don't think this is the guy for her. he is an alcoholic and talks to tracy like crap whenever he drinks too much. I don't like it and wont put up with that at her daughters wedding. I don't know if I even want to go knowing he is going to be there and up tracys ass the whole time. she wants to introduce him to her parents ( dad recovering alcoholic from many moons ago). I don't think this is a smart decision. what to do
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This a problem that needs to be talked about with Tracy. If he is not acting appropriately then I see no reason he should go as you do. How does Tracy feel about this whole thing? You have evidence that this is not a smart decision so I recommend confronting Tracy and solving this problem together.
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Being the long time friend that you are I believe you should attend the wedding if for no other reason than to insure that the Daughters wedding is not ruined by Jeff.
It may be possible between you and Tracy's father, him being a recovering alcoholic that the two of you can point out that which she is love blinded too. Most importantly though is her daughters wedding be the wedding the daughter wants and not ruined by someone who gets belligerent when he drinks.
With you and the grandfather their to keep and eye on Jeff and remove him before he ruins the wedding. Then hopefully Tracy's daughter will have the day she has dreamed of.
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This is a tough one! You should definitely go to the wedding to show support and so that you can be there if/when things get out of hand.
If you feel comfortable enough, tell her how you feel about this guy, and that you think she deserves so much better! (Sometimes, women have been through a lot and settle for less than we deserve because we have been hurt or lied to) Even though we may not want to hear it at the time, we will thank you later. She may get upset that you are telling her you don't like this guy, but, it is for her own good.
Maybe even bring up her dad being an alcoholic and the things that her mom probably went through, I am sure that she hated her dad being an alcoholic so maybe that will open her eyes a little bit.
I say, go to the wedding, have fun, and talk to her a day later (so you don't ruin her night) Take her out to lunch, or stop by her house.
The sad thing is, it may take her a while to realize that this guy is a real jerk (or so he seems) but at least you let her know how you feel and can hopefully open her eyes to the situation before it is too late.
Good luck and let me know if you need anything else!
Sami
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Well, as it's not your daughter and neither is it your daughters wedding or your own wedding, you have no say in who she invites. She could invite all the lowest of society to the wedding but if the girl getting married doesn't want them as guests, its really only her say. To say you won't put up with it, is a phrase someone uses when they realize that some action needs to take place. The only thing you have control over to change is yourself. So in actuality, either you decide to go, or decide to stay away. If you decide to limit your interaction with him, try attending only the wedding ceremony and leave a gift for the friends daughter, where you likely won't have any contact with him, unless seated next to him. To assure this doesn't happen, let the usher know you aren't willing to be seated next to him but the possibility is slight. People are seated in the order they arrive. As mother of the bride, your friend will be in the front row and likely may have her daughter agree to let the guy sit up there with her, even though not her dAD. Her Dad if living, will be seated in front too on the brides side front row, the grooms parent on the other and you will get seated somewhere in the back. If you can't handle just knowing he's in the same room, then don't go at all. If you can handle it, enjoy the wedding but don't attend the reception where you won't be able to avoid him.
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Ok, so it sounds like his father is a crazy alcoholic but the fact that he will be at his daughters wedding is not a good idea, and you know this, therefor you don't think you should be there...
Hmm... thats a tough situation and i think i have some advice for you:
Not having a parent at your wedding is probably going to be the worst feeling ever unless they are dispicable people... maybe you should give him a chance, or talk to the daughter abuot her father being at the wedding. If she thinks it will be okay, just let it be and if things go awry, then you can speak up or talk to Tracy... If the daughter doesn't think the dad should be at the wedding, then you have your answer..
Hopefully this advice was good. if not, please specify more or something :)
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Ask your friend how she thinks things are going with her relationship. If she admits then discuss steps in ending it but otherwise she needs to figure it out herself.
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Dear friends with Tracy,
I understand and appreciate your dilemma. However, this wedding isn't about you, Tracy, Jeff or anyone else. It's Tracy's daughter very special day. It should be something that she will remember for the rest of her life. Should you, Jeff or anyone else do anything to to mar the beauty or perfection of the ceremony or the reception, she will not forgive them in this world or the next. If you decide to attend, your sole function will be to share in the joy of the occasion.
My advice to you is to attend. Dress in your best suit and put on the aspect of character that best reflects the spirit of the occasion, happy, smiling, respectful, unflustered and loving and maintain it to the end of the day. However, if you don't think you're capable of putting your resentments in your pocket for the duration of the wedding, it would be for the best to make a credible excuse and do something else on the day of the wedding.
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