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Q: Is it possible to get pregnant when he comes in the condom but it isn't broken or anything?

It's highly unlikely. Condoms are 98% effective, and most pregnancies that coincide with condom use occur because the condom wasn't put on early enough. So make sure it's on before you start intercourse and you're quite safe.

Q: I am pregnant and we think it is a girl. I have been thinking about what to tell my child about what I would like from her when it comes to sex. Well what I want to tell her is that she should wait for someone she has been with for a long time, who we (parents) know well and she is pretty sure she loves. The reason I want that is because that is what I did. I didn't have sex until I was 17 and was in love with the man that is now my husband and I really like that I can say I only had sex with one man and he is the one I am with today. I guess it makes for no regrets and stuff like that.

I am really just curious to know something. Those of you who have had sex just because you wanted to do it do you regret it? Also those of you who have had sex with the one person that you were in love with was it worth it?
The reason I ask is because I hear about how many teens are having sex with so many people but I don't hear about the regret. I just would like to know if there is any regret out there.

The problem is that most teenagers don't have sex just because they want to, they have it because they honestly think they're in love and know the person very well. I think you should wait and see what being a mother is really like in all stages before worrying about what your daughter will be like as a teenager. I'm glad you married the man you were with when you were 17, but things don't work out that well for 99.9% of other teenage relationships. Waiting until you're in love doesn't guarantee that you'll have no regrets... in fact there are very few guarantees in life, and the sooner you realize that the better you'll be able to help your daughter through whatever comes her way.

Q: im trying out for cross country in about a month or less. any tips on what to do to prepare? and does anyone know how much it will cost for like everything? its the freshman girls' team

The biggest part of the cost will be your shoes. Good running shoes cost $60-$100 (do not try to cheap out and find $30 ones, your feet and legs will not forgive you!).

To prepare you just need to run. Definitely start now. Run for at least 30 minutes a day... if you can't run 30 minutes, walk every once in a while, but decrease that walking time each workout until you can make the whole half hour.

Q: How do you know when to keep trying to make it work or give up entirely in a relationship?

usually if you're asking this question, you should give up.

You should try to make it work if you:
- Are married
- Have a child
- Can point to obvious things that are changing, so you know your problems will soon be over (ie, he's had the flu lately, when he recovers he'll be in a better mood)

Whatever you do, don't stick around trying to make it work just because you've been together for a long time, that's a horrible mistake people make! I've seriously heard girls talk about, "I know he's a jerk, but we've made it for two years, there's so much invested in this relationship I don't want to give up!" So what, you're going to stay with him for the rest of your life because he managed to keep you pinned down for two years? That's insane. Get out, there are millions of other guys and relationships to try out, and if you were really meant to be with this person, you'll end up back together.

Q: Can two people who have never had sexual contact with anyone else become infected with STDs after having sex for the first time?

No, but if you're sexually active you need to practice safer sex and be tested for STDs regularly. Never believe anyone who tells you they've had no sexual contact with anyone else. It's not worth betting your life over.

Q: I'm not jewish and I was born in England- so my parents didn't have me circumcised when I was born (in Europe they don't do it often).

I've only had sex with one girl, and it was strange when she first learned about it.

So my questions:

1. Does it bother girls to be with a guy who is not cut?
2. Should I go ahead and have surgery to have it cut?
3. How would I tell my parents? I don't have any problems with hygeine or peeing or anything- and I don't want to tell them that it is because girls prefer it the other way?

Please help.

Cheers.

Do not have surgery. There are no medical reasons to be circumcised, girls have no reason to care about it, I've never known a girl who cared about it. It's like any cosmetic surgery... do you really want to undergo a major medical procedure just so you can blend it with what American society tries to say we're all like, or can you just be yourself, realize that you're valuable the way you were born, and avoid complications from surgery?

Q: how can you tell if someone has low self-esteem

They're annoying and generally insecure. They pick on people to make themselves feel better. They can't ever just sit and listen to people having a conversation, they have to butt in with a bigger/better story.

Q: i have major cramps and its killng me so bad.
what can i do to maybe release some pressurevor make things better

I do yoga... look for some good back poses, the "bridge pose" is my favorite (you can google for that and see pictures of it, it's very common).

Q: I'm doing a report on the social injustices of Anti-Abortion laws. Does anyone have any pro-choice opinions on why abortion should stay legal, and general opinions on the topic?

Lots of reasons. But here's the quickest one: I would never have an abortion myself, but I also don't want to live in a world where I get investigated by police if I have a miscarriage. m'kay?

Q: i have homework to do on microsoft access. the thing is, i dont know how to do it! can someone tell me how to do the following things:

---Create a query displaying item Id, Description, Cost, and vendor code for all items where vendor code is TM

---Create a query displaying item id, description, and vendor code with items greater than $10

---Create a query displaying the items that have a vendor code of TM or hae a sellng price of less than $10

The list headings are item id, description, on hand, cost, selling price, and vendor code if you didnt know what i was talking about when i said those things earlier!

that is what i need to know how to do. when you answer this question, be sure you be detailed on what i should click on and do and everything, because i dont know hardly anything about microsoft access! thanks bunches

I don't think anyone is going to give you detailed instructions for something like this, it's a very basic skill and there are tons of resources out there about Microsoft Access. Access also has good help files. I'd suggest searching for something like "creating queries in access" to get started.

Q: Can anyone here explain this to me?

If somebody kills a pregnant woman, then why would they ever be charged for two murders, instead of one? It seems to be in conflict with laws that permit an abortion. A woman can legally choose whether or not the baby can grow, develop, and live within her. If somebody makes that same choice by killing the mother, then wouldn't it make sense that only murder was made, not two? I'm not arguing for or against abortion, but rather don't see how these two laws can remain in effect when they contradict each other. Any information would be helpful, thank you.

These laws were put in place by pro-lifers trying to intentionally blur the line between a human life that's protected by law and a fetus, which is not. Their goal is to get everyone to ask questions like yours, and then to eventually rule abortion illegal.

The thing is, if we wanted to protect pregnant women we could create special laws that increase sentences for harming them specifically, but that's not what's happening, because not everyone cares as much about pregnant women as they do getting their political agendas pushed forward. I know you didn't ask for individual opinions on this issue, but I think it's sad.

Q: my boyfriend always looks at porn and whenever i go over he has pictures of naked girls on his computer and hes always watching it on t.v and it gorses me out. and hes only 14. hes like i wish you looked like that it makes me feel bad about myself. but i love him. what should i do?

Well, I think a lot of guys look at porn, but I've never heard of one who wished his girlfriend looked like what he saw on a computer. I'd suggest getting a new boyfriend. That's a really jerky thing for him to say to you, I'd slap him.

Q: Can people with REAL relationship experience please answer? People that have been in serious relationships that lasted more than a few months? Thanks.

I'm 17/f and he's 21/m. We've been together since July 5th of 2005. It's the first serious relationship each of us has had.

Everthing was going wonderfully between us until the beginning of this year. We fought over stupid things. I kept getting really angry with him because he wouldn't go get a job and all he cared about was playing his computer and video games. He IS in college though and is going for internet security, so that was a good thing. Most of the time we worked through whatever problems we might have had, though. I really got better at respecting his hobbies and such. Plus he finally has a job now. Okay.

Lately though, I just feel like I don't want to be around him because I know it will be boring or he'll just make me angry in some shape or form. I don't want to hang out with just him because I know we'll just sit around and be bored because there's nothing to do.

Whenever he calls to say goodnight or something, sometimes I don't even pick up the phone because there's nothing to talk about or I don't even want to talk to him.

The point I'm getting to is that I think I might be falling out of love with him. I don't know if maybe it's because I see him too much or what, but I see our relationship more as really best friends instead of loving boyfriend and girlfriend. I know I care about him because I would never want him out of my life.

So my question is, how do I fall back in love with him? How do I make our relationship more fun and loving? We've been together for nearly two years and I can't figure out a way to keep things as lively as they were the first few months we went out.

At this point, I'm not sure a "break" would work for us because I'm going to college in the fall. If we took a break, that would be it and I know we'd be done. So that's a last resort.

I know that deep down, some part of me needs to stay with him and keep loving him because I'm asking this question. I want to find that part of me and bring it out. I want to be just as much in love with this man as I was the first time I told him.

Any advice?

To me it sounds like the only reason you're still with him is that he's your first serious relationship and you've been together so far. Those are both bad reasons to stay with someone. Move on. You will be in love with someone else, and eventually you'll find someone who keeps you in love with him, instead of you working to keep yourself in love.

Q: hi, i am a 19 year old guy and i have been dating my 17 year old girlfriend for a year and 3 months. when we started dating everything was awesome and we spent all of our free time together and now i have realized that i have taken her away from her frinds and family. this is the last thing i want to do. friends and family are so important in your life that i would never want to take them away from her. we both just recently realized that we need to give each other a little more space. i have no problem with doing this but whenever im not with her i find myself calling her and texting her a ton. i feel like i should know exactly what she is doing and who she is doing it with at all times and i know that this isnt right. it has made our relationship worse. neither of us have ever lied to the other and i trust her completly but i cant seem to just back off and let her go do what she wants. i feel like i am obsesive and i need help to get over this. we both love each other more than anything and i am willing to try anything to make her happy again. like i said i love her more than anything and dont want to push her away because of this. what do i do?

It's good that you're admitting that there's a problem here, that's a big first step.

You need to find a way to distract yourself while she's out with her friends. If you don't have your own friends, hobbies, things to do, and just sit around being bored when she's not around, then you're definitely going to obsess because there's nothing else to think about.

Another thing you can do is pick a day or two out of the week, like Tuesdays and Thursdays, where you promise to have no contact. When you see each other the next day it might be fun to talk about what you did on your "day off" from one another... it's make both of you more interesting people.

Q: So when I was 13 in the summer at a wedding reception, I ended up chugging about 2 glasses of red wine (and some champagne) and well after a little while I remember feeling severely depressed (I have depression, but it was unlike anything else) and I was running into the bathroom every 2 seconds because i was about to cry.

That night after it I couldn't stop crying from midnight-3 am, and i was shaking and breathing really fast and i really was so suicidal i was honestly about to do it right then and there. It was so weird.

Was this just the effects of the red wine that i was feeling? Because it seems like that wasn't enough alcohol to actually feel the effects of it.

Also- I used to drink about 3 sips of red wine a day for about a week- and I would always get hangovers every morning so I'd have to go and drink some then... But why was i getting hangovers from just 3 sips?

Alcohol is a depressant, meaning that it slows down brain activity, and in a lot of people it definitely makes them sad. I'd suggest avoiding it altogether if this is the effect it has on you.

Most hangovers are caused by dehydration, because alcohol deprives the brain of water. If you ever drink alcohol you should make sure to drink lots of water, and that'll help reduce the effects of it.

Q: Well when my mom and dad were married, they adopted 4 kids, myself, my younger brother, my older brother, and my older sister.
We arent blood related, all different, but from the same country.

Anyways, they were married for like 22 years and then they got divorced, I'm 16 now.
They got divorced when I was too little to understand, but as I got older I did go through the 'every other weekend' at my dads house, and on 'wednesdays' where i would visit with my younger brother.

Well my dad got married again,
then he got divorced,
and then he got married again to a women named *jane
And currently he's married to her right now.
See my dads like 52, and his wife is in her mid fortys I guess. I'm not sure.

But recently we found out that they are expecting a baby. My mom said it didnt really bug her anymore, but today during church, she just started balling and left the service, it was about mothers day.

She said it was because she doesnt think its fair we didnt have a dad growing up really, and now he's going to devote so much time a new baby. I understand that, and I feel really bad for her. But I really dont think I need a father, my dad and I never really had a relationhip, a good one, and he has been verbally abusive and sometimes physically but not horribly, and I think that is the cause why I have such resentment towards "men" I dont like my friends dads, because they make me uncomfortable.. but thats not the point, I cant deal with that problem right now.

What am I supposed to do about this,
I mean how am I supposed to feel?
I honestly dont care, my dad hasnt fully come out to me and told me that they are having a baby, but he already told my older sibblings,
and they told me.

He wont flat out tell me and my younger brother yet, he said that he has good news to tell us but wants to tell us with *jane. I already know what it will be. His whole spiel that he told my older sibblings.. "i love you, and even if i hav e ababy it wont change anything... i wont love it more than i love you... ' blah blah, frankly I dont care if he did.

Its not a big deal to me.
I dont know, if I'm asking for a specific question, its just my whole life has been "this" kind of complicated. Having divorced parents, and just the little things that happened, the things that you cant just explain to people on the internet, you know, I'm jsut confused, and I dont know what at all to think.

But PLEASE dont tell me I shoudl accept the baby and everything, I dont want to be part of its life.

I certainly wouldn't say you should accept the baby. You don't have to accept anything if you don't want to. It sounds like you want to really be there for your mom and that's awesome... if this is hard on her, having your support is very important. For your dad to automatically assume that you'll see this as "good news" tells me that he's out of touch, and if you want to tell him that I think you have the right to.

Q: Ok, so my mother is letting me sale some of my stuff on ebay, to get rid of a lot of stuff, and to make a little cash, BUT I don't know how much to sell any of it for. If I list these two items, can you PLEASE tell me how much i can get for it. These are probaly the most valueble items i have:

Trumpet(3 years old. Only used for 1 year. No dents. ALMOST perfect condition.)-

Playstation 2(used, works perfectly fine)-

I'd recommend just searching ebay for the items you're selling first to get an idea of what they're going for. I just searched for playstation 2 and found some that were going for $50, and some that were going for $130. It depends on what kinds of accessories you're offering with it, what type you have, all that. It also depends on your ebay account... if you're a power seller with 500 ratings, more people will bid on your item. If you've never sold before, you're going to suffer because people won't trust you - sell some little things first to get positive feedback before you try to list something big like a trumpet.

Either way I think it's always easier to list low and be realistic... if something is overpriced, people won't bid on it, but if you give it a low price and get some people started bidding, the amount will frequently meet that higher price just because people are excited and don't think about it.

Q: why do some people judge someone by how they act when they are drunk?

For the same reason we judge people when they're tired, hyped up on sugar, sick, overworked, whatever. You are who you are, and if you're going to be friends with someone you take the whole picture into account. If you're dating someone who beats you, does it really matter if he beats you when he's drunk or when he's sober? Either way you're getting beaten, and it hurts. People need to take responsibility for who they are no matter what's influencing them.

Q: 15/f.
how do i become more confident?

I don't think you can, but if you act like it and learn how to fake it well that'll be a very good start. Walk fast like you know where you're going, talk loud like you know what you're saying, that sort of thing.

Q: I was wondering for people who wants their body to be burned to ashes when they die, how come there's still a coffin to be burried even though their ashes are going to be kept in a jar?

For example, Anna Nicole Smith

Most people don't do that, if a person is cremated the family holds a memorial service instead of a funeral and they never get a coffin. The ashes are stored in an urn until they're disposed off... some people bury the ashes, others request to have them spread out somewhere. Coffins are expensive and personally I think they're wasteful, but if you're a celebrity worth millions of dollars I guess your family won't want to spare any expense.

bio

I've been in the advice column over five years now so I think I've pretty much heard it all... the love, the hate, the random insanity. I don't take it too seriously, so I'm not always giving the best advice, but my column is fun to read!

I am a 23 year old electrical engineer, a feminist, a Christian. I don't know everything but I can sure pretend to.

Disclaimer: Now that I'm on advicenators I'm getting even more questions every day. It's fast and easy for me to answer them, yes, so at least I'm answering something now, but if your question contains the words "there's this guy that I like..." chances are I won't get around to it. I'm only answering interesting questions that I haven't answered before. Register at the site and ask everyone for advice if you must have an answer, because if people read my column and boring love advice was all they found, they'd never come back.