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Want to break up with boyfriend. Don't want to hurt him!
18/f
I'm going to try and keep this simple because I know how boring it is reading through a long question.
I want to break up with my boyfriend. He's the sweetest most lovely guy, just I don't fancy him, he's already talking about marriage (we've been together 6 months) he's a bit immature-and I think I can do better.
Idk how to break up with him know because saying all this will break his heart and will come so unexpected. Also his parents love me which makes it harder.
I just want to have fun-you know?! Any advice would be appreciated :)
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There is never an easy way to do this but if you don't fancy him it MUST be done. You can not stay with someone out of pity or fear of hurting them. I think I would start off gently by letting him know you are not in any way ready for marriage or commitment. That way it will not be unexpected when you tell him it's over. You don't have to feel guilty, you should be having fun right now at your age. You should also try to get your boyfriend to understand that. It is very immature to want to tie someone down when they are not ready! If his parents really do love you they won't stop because you broke up with their son. You might even want to let his parents know how you feel before the break up. That way they will understand what is about to happen and be prepared to help their son get through this. I hope he takes it well and it isn't too hard on either of you. Good luck!
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Anything you say will probably hurt him but as you think he's a lovely guy then I think he deserves the truth. Most times just saying "im not ready for a serious relationship" is the kindest way.
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Breaks up are difficult for the person breaking up and for the person who is being broken up with.
No matter what you say, or how you say it, it'll hurt him. Just be honest and straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. Also, it's better to do it face to face rather than over the phone, through text or a note. Just talk to him and tell him that you care about him a lot, you think he's great but you aren't feeling the same anymore and you think it'd be better if you guys were just friends.
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A “great person” (or really nice guy/girl) is not a “perfect person for you” unless they meet your needs and desires in a partner. You needn’t feel guilty about your lack of physical chemistry with a person. In fact, if you don't feel that spark and attraction in return, then you’re doing the nicest thing you can by letting them know you’re not attracted, as soon as you are aware of it yourself (even if it takes a 2nd or 3rd date before you were sure) In your case its a handful of months. Perhaps you knew already earlier but held off doing anything about it until he hinted at future marriage. At least you can't be accused of making a rash decision. And you can't be accused of leading a guy on when not interested. This now leaves him free to move on so he can find someone who does find him physically appealing and does have desire for him.
So an example sentence to break the news to them might be, "Brian, I don't feel any spark or attraction to you. You are a really nice person. In fact I wish I did because any girl would be lucky to have you as her boyfriend but sadly, I don't feel a spark with you. It isn't fair to you or to me to be with someone that we don't feel that level of attraction to.
This builds up their esteem in themselves as far as being good dating material while letting them down at the same time. He may be hurt initially but you have no control over how people process through this.
It's going to be hard to do with the fact that you have a good relationship with the parents. Keep that in mind when you get older and ready to marry...good parent-in-law relationships are important. If you feel close enough to want to say something to the parents, thats up to you, perhaps in a card you send them or a phone call, just so they know it wasn't anything they did or said to you. This is just optional depending on how close you all really were. Most people would not take this step, just saying cus of what you mentioned about the parents.
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Just keep it simple and honest and make sure you talk to him in person. Tell him he's a great guy and hasn't done anything wrong, but you don't feel you guys are right for each other and you aren't ready for a serious relationship right now.
Then break off all contact- long-term it'll make it easier for both of you. He will be upset, but don't let it make you feel guilty- you are doing the right thing.
- Krista, 23/f
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