about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

I just got really expensive human hair extensions, and i was wondering since i want to grow my hair out before i wear them ( they are clip ins) if they can ruin if i dont use them?? They ayre sealed in a bag in my closet and i dont use them at all. I mean, they cant possibly ruin if i dont use them, style them or anything at all right? thanks.

As the first answerer mentioned, make sure they're not wet. Ensuring they're dry, and sealing them in a bag has worked for my GF, but they're probably just as happy being stored hanging up like clothing if you have the space.

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I am a 30 year old female and I live at home my mom and stepdad . I live at home because I have some disabilities. I just dentures and the place I went to did not do them right. My stepdad has took me 3 times already and refuses to take me again. The dentures are to big for mouthy. I can't even wear them . I don't drive due to anxiety. He yelled at me when I asked me to take me again. My mom can't take me due to an illness where she uses a wheelchair. I don't know where to turn. I even suggedted going on the medical van by myself because they take you to all appointments for free if you have Medicare but my mom said no to that. Is there anything else I can do to get these things fixed. I have been going around with no teeth.

Hi Unnamed,

I’m sorry to hear that your stepdad was unkind when you asked to go for adjustments. I don’t know your relationship, but perhaps that would be a separate question if it’s a big enough issue that you feel the need to ask for help with that. I’ll focus on your teeth in my answer.

Quality of the dentures:
You said you’ve been to have adjustments three times already. Is the place making a good effort to have them adjusted when you go? Is there another clinic that you think will do a better job?

Ability to travel independently:
Why did your mother say no to using the unaccompanied medical van? Maybe she has a good reason. Is it possible for her to go together with you? Do you actually need her permission? If you don’t *need* her permission, be sure to consider why she doesn’t want you to. Maybe her reason is a good one. Can you get a personal friend to go with you, that she will agree to?
If you have not already, perhaps seeking professional treatment (counselling or pharmaceutical) for the anxiety you experience when driving could open up a greater ability for you to travel.

Coping until you have comfortable dentures:
What is a bigger issue for you; The way it looks, or pain eating?
If you are having pain eating, you cold try eating soft foods, or blend your food until you can get things fixed. Showing your parents that it hurts you to eat may help them have empathy and agree to take you to an appointment.

---For future questions---
Please give information like;
What kind of disability do you have? This is relevant because if it’s physical it may be harder for you to get to the clinic on your own, or if it’s mental, it may mean you need to convince your parents, because you don’t have your own legal capacity to do things unless they allow it.
Do you have insurances that cover transport?
What is your financial situation – Could you use a taxi if needed?
How far is the dental clinic?

I hope this helps you think of a good way to have your dentures fixed, and generally gain more freedom in your life.

-Silentone

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My 63 year old dad was recently diagnosed with early on-set Alzheimer’s. My family dynamic is not exactly easy to mobilize to help with the long haul we’re in for. I don’t live in the same state & my sister (who does) hasn’t been much help (outside of directions ive tried to put in place from time-time).

Making matters worse is my dads 20 year girlfriend. They own a house together and are technically in a legal “domestic partnership”). She has never been very supportive in any matter, let alone something like this. She still works and travels almost half the month for business leaving him at home for 2-3 days at a clip. All the while interacting with every man on social media when out of town. If you saw her FB, you wouldn’t even know he she is with anyone. No pictures of them. No check-ins, likes. They’re barely friends.

They have never really been too in love...more like convenient partners after each of their first divorces. We’ve begged him to leave her several times (prior to the his health concerns) to no avail. Even when we see the frustration & depression sinking in through the years. He does not want to be alone (which i fully understand).

My sister has always said they’d take care of him, have him live with them if ever needed but he has always been a stubborn one & would never agree.

Neither my sister or my dad’s gf have helped with the doctors, appointments, paperwork...

My father is getting worse. Is on medication (when he remembers to take it) and conversations are slowly becoming harder and harder with everyone.

I don’t know what to do.

I feel like I’m the only one that can diffuse the situation & lead things on the right path. It’s pretty impossible for me to move back home & every time i start the ball rolling with everyone, it always gets dropped and nothing progresses. It pretty much digresses every time and i have to start all over. My dad has alienated his friends and family over the years. Mostly because of the girlfriend. She always finds a way to piss them off one-by-one until they eventually stopped coming around completely.

He is on disability (gets something each month to live), has an ok (not exceptional) amount of money in savings, retirement plans that he can use (but hasn’t drawn from).

The main problem is the girlfriend. If we forced her out, it would lead a path for destruction. First, my father would be devastated if she ever left. They own a house together. Believes that he is and has always been in love with her. I’ve tried talking to the girlfriend, leveling with her, but she plays doe-eyed deer every time. Promising to help & take the lead, but never does. I’ve asked if nothing else if she could make sure medication is being taken & i still have no confirmation ever. She wouldn’t even take a morning off of work to drive him to a doctors appt & is completely manipulative. To her and pretty much everyone.

By not helping at all, she’s endangering my father every day. I’m trying to stay positive as much as possible, but the appearance is that she’s content with things this way. Uses it to her advantage some times, manipulating him by claiming she said or done things that i know 100% are inaccurate. She’s always been like this. And now it’s frightening to think she could be using it to her advantage every waking minute of the day because he won’t be remember most of it anyhow.

Should i be taking any preliminary legal actions at the moment (he refuses to sign a will by the way) in order to prepare for a fall-out with the girlfriend?

Should i hire a private detective to watch the girlfriend in case there is a domestic partnership battle over anything?

Has anyone had an experience like this with a difficult loved one & a manipulative spouse/partner?

Any advice at all would be sincerely appreciated! Thank you.

Hi Sincerely Appreciated,

Sorry I didn't have time to get my thoughts together on your question sooner;
You say you feel a sense of responsibility that you're the only one who can deal with the situation. Your sister, and doctors could help defuse the situation, but don't feel the obligation to. While I don't think that you should feel that this is solely your burden, or that you would be to blame for things continuing to be wrong, I do think it's admirable that you care enough for your father's health to want things to be better for him.

Feeling like there is nobody to help you doesn't mean you have to do everything yourself, and sometimes it is not within your ability. The concept that I think of is not a perfect fit, however I would recommend you look at circle of interest, vs circle of influence. https://uthscsa.edu/gme/documents/Circles.pdf
I would apply this in the sense that maybe you need to look at what things are easy wins, what you do have influence over. For example you said that your sister is not helpful unless you give her directions. You can't always be there to pull the strings on the puppet, but if she doe care about your father, maybe you can try an emotive appeal. You can try to help her see that there is an important person who will not be around forever, and that it's important for her to keep him company, so he is not lonely.
You may not influence your father to live with your sister, or influence your sister to push for him to move in, but you may improve the situation by reminding her that she should be sad, and she should care about him and see him. At the very least, guilt may drive her to visit more often, and this will make your father happier, and you will feel less stressed.

You didn't detail why it's impossible for you to move back home. You said that you start the ball rolling with everyone, and "it always gets dropped". You may feel like you need help to move, and you may have work that you need to keep, in order to keep yourself afloat financially, and I'm sorry, but I'll be frank; Saying 'the ball gets dropped by everyone when I try to move interstate' is a very passive way of looking at it. If you want to move, you move yourself, and you do as much preparation as you need. Whether you should move, or want to move is an entirely different question, and perhaps you don't really want to or need to move.
Ask yourself about your motivation, willingness, and finally, if you are willing and motivated, list up the blockers, and preparatory actions, what order they need to be done in, and start knocking them off one by one until they're gone.

What do you do when someone is stubborn and won't let other people look after them?
I think you need to be prepared for him to remain that way, and get more stubborn. This will be an incredibly difficult experience for you, but in the end, if he is being stubborn, pushing harder will meet with more resistance. You will need the patience to be gentle, sit back and allow him to do what he will, and help from other people. (Help with him, and emotional support for you).

"conversations are slowly becoming harder and harder with everyone."
I think you need to understand the progression of Alzheimer's, and prepare yourself mentally for this. Different people change at a different rate, and there may be things that will slow that rate, but ultimately, it's likely you need to be prepared for a decline over time, be prepared to grieve, be prepared to deal with the person you knew fading in and out, and eventually mostly out. Savour what you have while it's there, and give him your love in caring for him as long as you can, with the help of caring professionals.

A few suggestions on things that could help with forgetfulness; Pill organisers that have days and times written on them, routine based on time of day, a sequence in which he does things, or a specific spot he will always put objects can help to alleviate the issue of losing objects, or forgetting to do something. The more established a routine is, the more likely he will be able to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and remember what comes next. I have also heard there may be scientific merit to listening to classical music.

Any time someone really close to you is unwell, or going to die, or has died, it's very scary, sad, depressing etc. Please regularly check that you are taking care of yourself too.

Now for the girlfriend thing:

The wording in your question confused me at first. I think that you're saying that your father and his girlfriend have been together for 20 years. At first I thought you were saying she is 20. Depending on which one it is, my perspective changes dramatically, from "She's a gold-digger", to (If she is also older) that they may have grown together, and that she may also be afraid of being alone. It is unfortunate, that she does sound a bit self-centred, and it is a concern that she seems to keep him a secret. Perhaps she is setting herself up to have ongoing relationships when he's gone.

I would recommend that you study up on Narcissism, and method that narcissists use to cut people off from their friends and family. Alienating people from their friends and family can assist narcissists in having more control over people who they manipulate, and making those people feel like the narcissist is the only person that the victim has left. Understanding what the girlfriend may be doing to keep people out of the picture of the two of them will help you combat it.

The next thing I will suggest you think about; I don't want to be mean, or sound fantastical, is it simply something I think I would consider in your position. If it's completely wrong of me to think it possible, I apologise in advance; Is it possible your father's domestic partner is poisoning him and contributing to the onset of medical issues? Domestic partnership = inheritance. What does she stand to gain if he becomes less healthy and passes away sooner rather than later?

Do you think that your father would be open to the idea of using nanny-cams, to ensure that she doesn't lie to him, and that he is safe from mistreatment?

I hope that some of this gives you ideas on a way forward for you, and questions to ask yourself to act on.

-Silentone

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So I pretty much want to forget about my dad he hurt me a lot and I even searched the internet for help but nothing helped me My dad was abusive and he cheated on my mom a lot. He also sexually assaulted me when I was little. Pretty much my mother had me at a young age around 15. And my 'father' was fine and all as I can recall. But when my mother left to work he would bring me with him and he would pick up a woman and bring them over to our house and well you know have sex with them. What was worse is that I had to be in the room with them when they were doing that, I remember when he did that and he turned all the lights off cuz u suppose he didn't want me to see I dont know and when he did I would cry silenty. He left me when I was 5 and I never knew he was abusive towards my mother till the day he hit her in front of me and my brother and I tried defending her and when she called the police he left and I heard he is in mexico now I always try forgetting him but its hard and he pretty much affected my life. Please give me some advice......

Hi Howcani,
Time will probably be a key part of forgetting about someone who hurt you, and keeping away from them.

You should try to identify how he may have affected your life, and situations that may trigger memories of him. You’ll need to work towards writing over those situations with better memories, so that everyday life situations don’t stress you out unexpectedly.

Please be mindful; Although you may see reliving things and trying to get other them by repeating them as a way of temporarily forgetting about how someone else hurt you, it’s ultimately not a productive way to deal with your hurt. Hurt feelings don’t pass from one person to another, they spread. Work on healing yourself by understanding what makes you happy within yourself, rather than propagating your feeling.

You may find yourself thinking about situations at night, your heart racing, your head gets hot, and you can’t sleep. Get an ice-cube to cool yourself down, and think about SOMETHING ELSE. You can’t change the past, but you can change your present moment, to not let the past continue to affect you and make you lose sleep or feel stressed.

I would strongly recommend talking to a professional psychologist (no, they’re not only for crazy people). If you’re still attending school or university, there are probably services available to you at little cost.

Knowing a little more about you, such as your current age, and gender would be helpful in answering your question. Please try to include more information about yourself in future questions.

Wishing you the best

-Silentone

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im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him..two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels ,during school,i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him,he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him.then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church ,and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online.now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s ok, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more ,now i ignore him bc i dont know how to act to him..he sent me friend request on fb but i didnt accept it yet..he was good friend to me before i told him about my feelings..please help me should i be his friend again or not? if yes what should i tell him,why i suddenly accepted his friend request on fb,and also today is his birthday, should i wish him happy birthday even i removed him from my friends??..thanks for help :)

Your male friend is very considerate, and emotionally intelligent. I’m sorry to say, but “He’s just not that into you”.
You need not to get hung up on him, and consider other boys, because he’s been very clear that he’s not interested in more than friendship. If you keep wanting more, it’s just going to hurt you, and destroy any chance you have of friendship with him.

Removing him from FaceBook is not a good move. It sends him a bad message. Either you can’t handle being just his friend, or worse, he may think you dislike him. He noticed, which is good, so he obviously values you as a friend. You need to decide if you’re able to be friends with him, without more, or if you can’t deal with that, in which case, do what he’s allowing you to, and just disconnect from him completely.

One thing that I feel is important in your circumstances is to consider how much experience you have dating different people.
I had a crush on a girl in primary school that I carried into high school, and only ended up telling her a long time after.
When you’re not in a relationship with someone, it’s very hard to understand them well. You can have strong feelings for someone based on your fantasy of who they are, but it has very little grounding in who that person really is.

Please take a moment to honestly consider. Are you in love with him, or are you in love with the-man-in-your-mind?

If you decide you’re able to be friends, sure, wish him a happy birthday. If not, don’t intrude on his life, it will be better for the both of you.

Good luck
~Silentone

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My question is why do adults teach their children not to interrupt people because it's rude and then they end up doing it? It happens to me ALL the time. I can be talking to my mother at a party for family friends or something when one of her friends just comes up and starts talking, to which my mother would go to listen to because or else it would be considered rude. So what are kids just not worthy of being the first voice? Is interrupting a kid who's talking somehow justified with "oh its just more important" when its its actually not even close to that? Are kids talking to somebody just invisible to the other? Why should kids not interrupt adults when adults do that all the time to kids?

Hi Young Questioner,
I think that you've answered your own question to some extent.
It's not acceptable for people to interrupt other people taking, kids or adults.
There are several reasons Adults may do it;
Adults often don't see the kids as equals, or think that they should respect their speech equally.
Kids are often not as good at (and not experienced at) saying "Excuse me, I was having a conversation here with my mother. Is it urgent?"
Kids are (usually) short, so yes, unfortunately, sometimes you are less visible than an adult, and easier to interrupt unintentionally.
You need to talk to your mother as well, as it's also her responsibility to show you value, and show other adults that you shouldn't be interrupted. They've had many more years to learn what you seem to understand, so they're long overdue to have her teach them not to interrupt you ;)

This is one thing that will get easier as you get older.
I hope you will not forget what it was like to be young, like many Adults do.

-Silentone

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Can a pregnant woman use xasten?

Hi,
Firstly, if you're ever unsure about whether something is okay when you're pregnant, read the pamphlet that comes with it. That will usually tell you if it's a big problem.
Second, you can ask a pharmacist. Pharmacists are much more accessible than doctors, but also know what's safe and what's not safe, and what not to mix.
Please don't ask for pharmaceutical or serious medical advice here. I agree with the previous answerer, we are not doctors, and on top of that, as much as I love advicenators, you risk receiving incorrect advice. If it's to do with heartbreak or what colour socks to buy, you'll get better, but don't take the chance with medicine and (your/your friend's) baby.

-Silentone

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Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.

I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.

My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.

I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.


My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!

Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!


I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.


Please help me with some ideas!


Hi Freaking Out,
Overdrafting an account isn't such a big problem. Banks usually just charge you a small fee when you have enough money to get it back into the positive. Considering you're already in overdraft, you need to know what their policy is. How much can you overdraft, and for how long, and what rate of interest will they charge you? Your best bet may be to use that capacity to ride out the next week or so, as long as you know that you will have the ability later to pay it back, and get your balance back to +

You may be able to borrow money from your college if the overdraft stuff is not acceptable.

How essential is your car? You have had capacity to buy and maintain payments on it in the past, but that may have changed.

I know that moving for College can be stressful, perhaps it would be a good idea once you are back in the green to make sure you always keep a buffer of funds in your bank account to absorb unexpected expenses and loss of income.

If your meal plan includes access to fresh fruit, or any additional servings, take advantage of it. Students are generally not very well off to do financially, and so it's important to take things when they are provided for you. Stock up for the weekend, and you should be able to ride it out. Colleges have to cater for this, but obviously they don't openly support it, so try not to be too overt.

Good luck with money, and good luck with College, congrats.

-Silentone

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I used to have bright blonde hair, just lately thanks to the hairspray I use my hair is more brown than blonde. I'm going to start using sheer blonde hairspray since it sprays on clear without changing the color more, but I'm wondering how I could get my blonde hair back? I heard sunlight was good for it, so is there any hair product I could use that would attract sunlight? It doesn't even have to be a hair products as long as t doesn't damage my hair.

Use a product that lightens like others here have suggested. Many good products will have UV blocking agents in them, because UV from sunlight damages hair at the same time as it bleaches the colour.
Ignoring the effect on your hair, too little sun means you can't produce a lot of things your body needs, most people refer to VItamin D. Too much sun will burn your skin and give you wrinkles.

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I'm a 15 year old girl and my 7 year old little sister has strep throat. We were playing and I was pretending to be a dog (I know I'm too old to be doing that but whatever, it happened) and I had her pencil in my mouth. I forgot that she had been touching the pencil while she was contagious and chewing in it and everything. I only had it in my mouth for about 20 seconds and then I realized that it had germs on it and I spit it out and drank a cup of water to try and wash out the bacteria. Is there anything that I can do to avoid getting sick? I have very serious OCD and I hate the idea of germs so I'm always washing my hands after touching things and I try not to touch garbage cans and things like that, so as you can imagine I'm kind of freaking out right now. Any advice helps! Thanks in advance!

Hi,
First of all, the disclaimer ^_^... I'm not a doctor, and nothing I say should be taken as medical advice. If you feel sick, consult a professional.

Okay, now that's over... my personal opinion is that it's probably not a big problem. Most germs don't like being outside the body for prolonged periods, or exposed to air.

For future reference, (and I know this is a little more difficult because you're not 18/21 depending on what country you're in) I'd go for a small amount of vodka over water.

Studies of a cruise boat where a bunch of people got food poisoning from eating old seafood showed that the people who drank spirits didn't get nearly as sick as those who didn't drink... in moderate to high concentration, alcohol will kill germs.

Other general things you can do to avoid all illnesses are brush thoroughly, including your tongue, and get plenty of sleep.

Once again, if you start feeling sick, see a doctor. Strep is fairly easy to treat.

-Silentone

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I've had cystic acne for over 10 years. it is painful and embarrassing. The doctors in the past have told me that I have the worst kind of acne. I don't have medical insurance right now & I can't afford that expensive stuff like accutane, etc. I've tried every face wash/cream in the stores. The dermatologists have given me pills/creams that don't help. My acne is on my back, chest and its even worse on my face. My skin gets really oily around my nose and I have to wash it. I drink plenty of water and eat healthy. I've been made fun of since elementary school because of my face acne and it hurts.

I have bumps like this: http://s1.hubimg.com/u/4039650_f520.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eIj3oI3EdaU/UBh6vqr4ECI/AAAAAAAAAeI/Oooy36j6bPc/s1600/cystic+acne.jpg

Hi,I tried to answer a few days ago, but something was wrong with the Advicenators system, so I'm sorry it's taken a while:

I had Cystic Acne when I was a teen, it's horrible when your skin starts ballooning up like that, and you don't know what to do about it.

Accutane/Roaccutane (has many names) is simply a high dose synthetic vitamin A. You have to get liver function tests regularly to make sure that it's not causing damage, and it has a lot of nasty side effects.

The other side of the coin is that it works. I would suggest eating a diet high in natural vitamin A:
(The following is copied from a website, I didn't write it)
Sweet potatoes, carrots, spinach, goji berries, kale, collard greens, cilantro, broccoli, and many other fruits and vegetables are rich in natural vitamin A. Red palm oil, the richest natural source of beta-carotene, a precursor of vitamin A, is an excellent food for combatting acne.

If you can afford, you could also try vitamin A supplements, but don't go over the recommended doses without advice from your doctor.

Avoiding oily and fatty foods may also help. I found that cheese and cream really came out as oil on my face fast.

When I had large cysts, I found that they wouldn't come up to a head, and just keep getting bigger. My way of dealing with them was to prick them with a pin and drain them gently, but I don't know what a doctor would say about that.

Lastly, I noticed that your profile is female, so you may also try asking a beautician about your skin type. I hear certain make-up can cause serious skin problems if it doesn't suit your skin type.

Good luck

-Silentone

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I am 12 years old and I am from canada and I weigh 146 pounds. Please tell me how to quickly lose weight because I do not want to be this big.

This question is answered on the Advicenators FAQ:
http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=60
Please read the FAQ, and use Google.

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OK, my life sucks. My mother hates me and is doing drugs, my dad keeps molesting me and I can't feel emotions or make friends. Now how the fuck do I commit suicide.

I'm sorry to hear that you can't feel happy in your life. Please think about why carefully. From my point of view, the problem with your life is not you, or that you are living; the problem is the situation that you are in.
I know that the people around you don't make you feel special, and it's difficult for you to feel self-value, but you are important. You are important enough for me to care enough to write this in response to you, and above what I say, you are important to yourself. If you weren't important to yourself, you would have posted this question.

So now, I'm going to answer the question I think you should be asking: How can I end the bad parts of my life, without committing suicide?

Find out what organisations are available to support you. Without knowing what country you're in, I can't do it for you, but I know they exist everywhere. They usually have names like "Save the children", and "Lifeline".

Call them from a public phone, or find out where to go so that they can help you. They can organise places for you to stay, and counseling to help you understand your value, and try to heal some of the damage that your parents have been doing to you.

Don't tell your parents you will be doing it in advance. Don't leave them a note telling them what you are doing. Let the organisation help you figure out what to do when you contact them.

Good luck, and don't give up
-Silentone

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I am 25 years old and I am a female and I had oral sex for thefirst time ever I have ner fone anything sexual before nowb in my life and I am a virgin . I knowbyou proble dodon't get a lot of women who are old as I am who are virgins asking about stds on this site but iam terrified that I might have aids when I didn't even have intercourse. We were both naked and he ate me out and I sucked his dick and he gingered me could I get aids from letting this guy that I have known since I was 16 do this to me . I know this may make .e sound like a whore but we was only dating a week before he wanted to have sex and I said didn't want to have sex so we decided on oral sex . I am so scared because the other day I was in the shower and I noticed 3 little bumps inside my vagiana and I also have a boil that's kind of grey looking sorry if this is to grafic but I wanted to give you complete detail of what's going on with me so you could answer my question properly. I talked to my cousin about my situation and she said that I needed to go see a gbyon and get tested for aids and other stds . I am so scared. Please help . I made an appointment gor the 10th of my next month and iam absolutely terrified because I don't know what to they are going to do. How do they check for aids is it s blood test or do they actually have to check down there ? Will they tell anyone if I have aids . Please help me. Thank you so much.

The only way you will stop feeling scared about this is when you know what is wrong with your body.

Follow your friend's advice. Go see a gynaecologist (ObGyn) (A type of doctor that specialises in female sexual health). They will test and give you medication to deal with whatever problem you have. They will probably need to look down there, and may need to take blood or urine tests.

Your vagina doesn't like to be dirty. I suspect that his hands/ nails/ mouth weren't clean enough, and you have some kind of infection or bad reaction that you should get looked at.

I'm not a doctor, and none of my advice is professional medical advice. You should go see a doctor about this.

When asking questions, please be careful with your spelling. It took me a good minute to figure out what "he gingered me" meant.

Good luck

-SilentOne

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so basically im having trouble deciding if i should break up with my byfriend he dosnt message me first we barley hang out and when we do we dont really talk we like kiss in stuff i dont know what to do should i stay and see where things go or dump him because honestly i dont feel like we are gonna last

If it's bad, break up. If it's not bad, then give it a little time.

In terms of messaging, match his pace. If he doesn't message you, don't go out of your way for him. Maybe he's busy, or maybe he's just not that into you (sorry if that's the case).

Only doing stuff like kissing doesn't sound right. There's a balance between no kissing, and just kissing, with a sweetspot in the middle, where you talk, and date, and do things together that aren't just kissing. It doesn't sound like you have that balance right just yet.

Look up some date ideas, and plan out some dates. If he doesn't seem interested in the date, in you, or anything but kissing and touching, then that's what he values about you. If that really is all the value you have to him, get rid of him fast.

Hopefully by going on some dates and trying to cool things down a little, you'll develop something stronger.

Best of luck - Silentone

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Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed)

An anal virgin, no. Vaginal virgin, yes. Overall, it's up to you, or anyone who you discuss it together with to decide.

There are a lot of different interpretations of the word Virgin.
1 Religious
2 Psychologically
3 Hymen not broken
4 Never had any kind of sexual contact

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I am 12 years old and my weight is 50 what can I do

Sorry not to give you a straight answer, but you need to give more details in your question.
12 years old (okay, understandable)
50 what? kg? pounds?
- How tall are you? We need to know.

Advicenators suggests this website http://www.am-i-fat.com/

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It's Father's day tomorrow (so advice needed quick!)

This Mother's Day my husband did something really nice for me so I feel obligated to return the favour.

However, yesterday he hit me in the face in front of our toddler and I'm not really feeling "into" it.

How should I celebrate?

1. Ignore Father's Day completely.
2. Give him the card and the one gift I've already gotten which is literally from the $ store.
3. Do something commensurate to what he did for me for Mother's Day.

Hi,
As the other columnists have mentioned, I think the more important aspect of your question is the reason you don't feel like buying a present.
It's really bad to show that kind of behaviour to your toddler, and could cause him?her? serious anxiety and trauma problems in the future.
But regardless of whether it is front of your toddler or not, It's not okay for him to be violent towards you.

You obviously have a long history together with this man, and at some point felt close enough to have a toddler together. Can you talk with him? If you don't feel that you can talk with him, what friends do you have who you can talk about things with?

Women are usually better listeners than men, but men are often bad at talking, and that leads them to physical expression of their emotions. If it's possible, you need to let him know it's not okay to hurt you, but you will listen to him, and support him if he talks. If that's not possible, get help from elsewhere.

I'm really sorry to be asking you questions in answer to your question. If you have more specific questions about domestic violence, or want to give more details, please ask a question again in that topic.

Best wishes,
SilentOne

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I am a 21 year old Asian girl but it seems that whenever I apply any kind of makeup it has the effect of making me look old and harsh-looking, like I'm about 35. (Though curiously enough, when I go barefaced I look about 17) I've been told that it's important to wear makeup to auditions and job interviews and such but why do I look dreadful every time I put it on?

I've tried experimenting with different eyeshadows and lip colors but I look old and washed-out even when it's not dark shades. Like even when I wear a peach or pink lip gloss. Any kind of paint on my visage. Makeup is supposed to make you look more youthful, right? So what's the problem?

First of all, disclaimer: I'm a guy, so I have only superficial knowledge of makeup.

I lived in Asia for a while, and I've had asian friends in Australia as well. Cosmetics are designed to enhance your skin, but to me it sounds like you're using cosmetics designed for Western skin. If that's the case, try and find some designed for Asian skin.

If you're using cosmetics designed for Asian skin, consider finding a beautician to match you up with the right products. Some colours, and sometimes powder vs creams will create a big difference in how the makeup makes you look. A beautician should be able to figure out what is best for you.

Good luck finding the right products for your skin.

-SilentOne

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I downloaded the Up All Night album by One Direction the other day, but then i realized there was more songs out by them that i didnt have so i bouoght them individually and put them on iTunes also. I want them to merge as all on one album but it wont! I have tried making every single detail of their info the same and it still wont merge. Its starting to annoy me and i need some help!

Hi, it should be possible to do what you want.
First, use the search feature of iTunes to get all of the OneD music up in a single list.
Second, select it all in the list.
Third, get info on MULTIPLE Items at the same time.
Fourth, tick the checkbox next to Album, and write in the album name that you want them all to appear under.
Fifth, for good measure, tick any other checkboxes that the information should be the same for, such as Artist, and REENTER "One Direction".
Sixth, click okay, and accept any changes.
Seventh, try resynching the ipod/phone.
See if the songs are all in the same album now.
If they're not:
Eighth, copy all those songs out of iTunes to a single location.
Ninth, delete the songs from the iTunes list.
Tenth, sync the iPod/phone again.
Eleventh, re-add the songs to iTunes.
Twelfth, sync the iPod/phone again.

If that doesn't do it, take the iPod/Phone to Apple, there's something wrong with the hardware.

With luck, the first steps will work for you :)

Good luck

-SilentOne

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