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How to celebrate Father's Day?
It's Father's day tomorrow (so advice needed quick!)
This Mother's Day my husband did something really nice for me so I feel obligated to return the favour.
However, yesterday he hit me in the face in front of our toddler and I'm not really feeling "into" it.
How should I celebrate?
1. Ignore Father's Day completely.
2. Give him the card and the one gift I've already gotten which is literally from the $ store.
3. Do something commensurate to what he did for me for Mother's Day.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Your husband is lucky it wasn't me he hit or he would have spent the night in jail for domestic violence. No one has the right to hit another person not even one spouse hitting another. As for a man hitting his wife; our mothers have told us from our earliest days how wrong it is to hit a women. Your husband seems to have forgotten this advice.
Since it is already Fathers Day my advice is a little late. What I would have done in your place is sign the card from your child and given him the present from the dollar store. If he seemed hurt by it remind him of how he hurt you when he hit you in the face. I would have then told him how lucky he is he didn't go to jail and doesn't have a police record for hitting me.
Do not let him hit you again and get away with it. IF he hits you again call the police and let them charge him with domestic abuse. He probably won't spend more than a night in jail. This will give you time to get a protective order from him while the courts order him to anger management school. Once he's finished the anger management school then you can decide if he is welcome back in the house.
If you let him get away with slapping or punching you he will continue to do so. Statistically speaking if he gets away with hitting you once it will escalate to the point where you might get seriously hurt. Stop him before it gets to that point. He may have apologized, he may have even said it won't happen again. If he is a wife abuser, which he know has shown himself to be, it will happen again.
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Hi,
As the other columnists have mentioned, I think the more important aspect of your question is the reason you don't feel like buying a present.
It's really bad to show that kind of behaviour to your toddler, and could cause him?her? serious anxiety and trauma problems in the future.
But regardless of whether it is front of your toddler or not, It's not okay for him to be violent towards you.
You obviously have a long history together with this man, and at some point felt close enough to have a toddler together. Can you talk with him? If you don't feel that you can talk with him, what friends do you have who you can talk about things with?
Women are usually better listeners than men, but men are often bad at talking, and that leads them to physical expression of their emotions. If it's possible, you need to let him know it's not okay to hurt you, but you will listen to him, and support him if he talks. If that's not possible, get help from elsewhere.
I'm really sorry to be asking you questions in answer to your question. If you have more specific questions about domestic violence, or want to give more details, please ask a question again in that topic.
Best wishes,
SilentOne
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I'm going with 4. Talking to him about his anger problem and telling him he needs to address it.
I mean seriously, Fathers Day is not your issue! Domestic Violence is your issue. Tell him you need to come up with a plan together to address this, anger management therapy for him and/or marriage counselling for you both would be the best way to start.
Give him the fucking card and present, because 'punishing' him by ignoring Father's Day is a stupid ass move that simply distracts from the actual problem - the one where he hit you.
Get it together. Don't waste your time stressing about false little problems. Deal with the big problem head on. Tell him he needs to change this behaviour for the sake of your marriage and his relationship with his child.
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Honey, your problem is not figuring out what to give him for Fathers Day, its that you need to learn how a person should treat another human being.
For one thing, it is never right to hit anyone. That is assault and battery. You should be calling the police and reporting this. That is not love, hitting someone. For one thing, he has an anger problem, temper, unable to control himself and often this comes from a past of abuse in some way as a child. IF i were you, I'd contact the nearest office for battered women and start learning from them what the signs of an abusive partner are. What is acceptable behavior and what is not. Which is a criminal offense.
If you don't make a big deal of this and address this, he will continue to get away with it and get worse over time and may at some point begin hitting child/children. That is no way for them to grow up. If he is not willing to go see a counselor and get some help, then you may have to think seriously about continueing to be his wife. Right now I'd lay off on having any further children with him til this is resolved if at all fixable. Sorry to have to pass on such a hard point of view. I know what I am talking about, I am one of those women who was once in an abusive marriage. It started with verbal abuse and over time got worse and he began to push, shove, grab hit all wrong. I was pushed to point of losing balance and falling and could have got injured.
If you are not ready to face the real issue here, then get him something or ignore fathers day, it doesnt really matter.
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