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Is he playing mind games? Or just not interested..
So i met this guy a few months back. (Im 19 and hes 21) To be specific we met mid April, we have been talking non stop every single day since then. Hes my best friends cousin so she was always trying to build things up between us when we met. Thing is, I got out of a relationship 3 months before I met him, so when we met it was really difficult for me to believe in anyone or anything for a while, I was devastated and it was a terrible time for me. When I met him, he really liked me.. he asked my friend for my number and asked to see me all the time, he was such a gentleman and was such a sweetheart. At first, he told me he liked me and I told him that i thought it was too early to talk about it because what comes easily breaks easily and he was iffy about it but I think he agreed. I thought to myself, well if this kid really likes me then he'll wait until the time is right between us and thats what I thought before he started pulling what hes pulling right now (Ill talk about that in a bit) Anyhow, we went on vacation together for 2 weeks..me, him, my best friend and their whole family. He would always ask my best friend to take pictures of us, everytime I was sitting down he'd rub my lower back very softly (not sexually at all) he was great and I started to really like him, I felt like things were really starting to build up between us and i could finally see us being together after feeling like I was not at all in the right state to be in a relationship, we came back from the vacation and he was the same..sweet all the time, texting me and calling me. till just last week when he stopped. He doesnt call me at all anymore unless I call..he barely texts, so im like okay this kid probably lost interest right? Then he texts me going, I dont know why you havent written me lately.. i kind of felt like he was trying to turn tables on me because he knows that I was upset with him for not coming to see me the day he said he would, so i told him that I always write him but hes the one being weird and distant and hes like No im not but I really liked that you called me previously to go out and see me, I apppreciated your effort" and im like okay well great if you appreciate my effort and write me and get annoyed that I dont write you, then why are you being weird and distant and not writing me at all or calling or being half as sweet as you used to be ? I didnt literrally say that but thats what i was thinkig. Before our vacation and even a few days after, he would call me sweet thigs like "Love, babe " Now, nothig at all. What happend? Did he randomly lose interest?? What do i do. should i just forget him? To be honest its all making me feel terrible about myself, I feel like my self esteem is so low and I keep thinking its somethig I did. I showed him I liked him A LOT after our vacation, even if I didnt say it im positive he knew because Id say things like "Im telling you this because your special to me, your the only guy I really care about" and I swear I meant it all. Im just confused now. Any advice would be helpful, thank you!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Sorry to offend you if I will but I think what you both had was only Mutual Understanding I don't really know about it that much.But this may help understand it
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What you need to find out is what the word "Like" means to him and ask yourself what it means to you as far as a potential dating partner is concerned. That may solve alot here.
Some people use the word "like' when first 'attracted' to someone. It doesn't necessarily mean that a person really likes another if they know next to nothing about them and with a guy, how he is like 24/7 even when short on sleep, had a bad day or when ill and not feeling well. Does their personality change and they treat you different under difficult circumstances for example?
He may just have been saying he's attracted, not offering anything more yet until he gets to hang with you and date you some to get to know whether he actually likes you. Dating is not just a socially thing. so few are using it for its best ability, dating as a way to learn what you like about a person or dislike. If the dislikes are a deal breaker, then you break it off and move on the next person, looking for someone a st ep better without the dislikes you had on the previous one.
You said
"everytime I was sitting down he'd rub my lower back very softly (not sexually at all) he was great and I started to really like him".
Having ones back rubbed is enjoyable yes, but it has nothing to do with whether you know a person well enough to fully trust them with your life and to begin to love everything about them. I am guessing that what you were feeling was attraction, you liked the feeling of the attraction, but it doesnt mean you liked him yet as a person. Your stance with him when he first asked you, even though right after a break up 3 mo. prior, may have made him feel that you were unreachable. If he hasnt gone through a bad break up, he may not be able to understand why you c ouldn't just take the step to become just friends, not dating to become an official couple. Females tend to read too much into a guy wanting to date them believing they are instantly a commited couple when the man needs more time to get to know her and thats all he's doing at this point. A friendship like this is not sexual unless you are prone to having casual sex with friends. Dating at this stage is exploratory, get to know the person. If the person doesnt pan out for you, then you break up. THe female tends to let her heart get tied to him too soon. Just take the time to get to know him, no pressure. Remember neither of you are mind readers so he wont know why you are saying or doing anything unless you volunteer info along with to explain. Not enough c ouples ask each other what they meant by something. If you had asked him when he said he liked you if he could explain what 'like' meant to him, he would have given you a clear answer and you could have known a little better what the situation actually was. Never let your self esteem be affected thinking you are less of a person in dating arena. AS I said, it doesnt reflect on you if he has indeed lost interest, he may have decided that you are not the type of girl who truly interests him enough to get into a commited relationship with, the kind where you give your love and have trust with each other. Even once in a committed relationship, some people thought they really had the best person for a marriage lets say to get engaged, but they didn't know they were settling for someone less than the personal best for them until they accidently meet someone better for them. That can be recognized whether the relationship has sex or not. Again, it doesnt mean you are lacking, you are just different. Don't settle for less for yourself either. At your age, you are still going to trying to learn what and who you want for a life time love and the process is not an instant one and may take several dating relationships to learn. the best thing you can do is have deeper talks with him and explain what you mean and ask him what he meant. There may be a chancee theres time for you two to spend time getting to know each other as friends first or he may have already found someone else to date. You wont know until you ask. good luck.
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