about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

so I need advice about my boyfriend. He's 21m and I'm 19f. We both have been dating for two years. I love him and like who he is but I have a problem. I don't really think he takes me seriously when I told him to wait on have sex. He's nice and acts like he'll wait but when all of a sudden something seems sexual in the conversation he make it into one not intended to be one and says he was joking about it. He knows that I still get embarrassed about sexual stuff he says to me. Another thing he gets confused about things easily. He irritates me but I keep it to myself because I have no friends sometimes and he proves he's there for me. I feel like I always have to guide him because he doesn't have any idea on how to do many things, I like being there to help him but he has to have mind of his own right?. I feel bad talking like that about him he's nice but his actions speak louder. I need any advice I can get thanks!

Go back and look at all of the questions that you've asked on this site before. Do you see a pattern? It can be powerful to see all of the words that you've written over the course of several years all at once. It seems like you've been trying to talk yourself out of being with this guy for a long time. Sex has always been an issue with him. Not knowing what you're feeling or if you're really invested in the relationship has been an issue for a long time too. He is not the guy for you. It has never felt right and it never will. You're not compatible. It seems like you're just staying with him because you'd rather be with him than not and because he's "nice". This isn't good for you and it isn't good for him either. It's time to break up with him. The longer you stay with him, the longer you will be away from the guy who is actually right for you. It's going to be a hard thing to do because you've held on for no reason for so long. You can do this. Gather your courage and finally do the right thing.

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Lately, I have been having a gut feeling that my husband may be big curious or even gay. In the very beginning of our relationship (been married almost three years together almost 4yrs.) He admitted that when he was younger a friend and him were playing around and the friend ended up giving him a Blow***. I asked him then if he was gay or if he would do it again. He said no. Keep that in mind. A few months back my husband his friend and I started going to the gym. My husband is a man who is in and out of the shower, 7 minutes top! Every time the two went in there they would take ATLEAST 30 mins. I take long showers I would take one myself in the girls room and would still have to wait. I have asked my husband and he said he would just wait for him. Now his friend on the other hand, let's just say if you met him you would think he had sugar in his tank. I live in a small country town and my female friend said her husband had sex with a man before. People in this town including his family say he may be gay or curious as well. For a week now my husband and I are not talking, because I feel like I am being lied too when I ask him if he is gay or bisexual. I can work with bisexual, I just want to know so we can both have safe sex. He still says NO. I don't want to think that I am over thinking everything but I don't want to end up like my husbands mother, lied to and turn out that my husband is bisexual or gay. IDC what he is, I just want to know. I have told him how I felt and how its okay to like other men. I just don't know anymore. I won't let my husband touch me nor look at me because I feel like I am being lied too. I even talked to his friend and asked in a mature matter. I was not disrespectful nor did I just pop the question are you gay? Or what's going on with my husband and you. I explained my reasons first then asked. His friend says he's not gay.

Take a minute and breathe. Think about this: what if he is completely 100% straight? Think of it from his perspective. He can only tell you so many times before becoming frustrated. If he really isn't gay, you are completely destroying your marriage out of fear, which is coming from what happened to your in-laws. What if he hasn't done anything wrong and it's all you? You have to consider this as a possibility. Flip the switch for a second. Imagine your husband accused you of cheating on him and you hadn't, but nothing you could say would make him believe you. You fought over it every day and your relationship began to deteriorate. What would you do? Would you start to think that he'd never give up on getting you to "admit" something that you never did? When you say "I just want to know" to him, it really means that the only thing that he can do to help the situation is tell you that he is gay whether that's the truth or not. That's what you want to hear (even though it isn't what you want to be true). That might not make sense, but think about it. What can he do to make you believe him if he really is straight? Would you believe him or have you already decided?

Here's what you need to do. Look for concrete evidence. Talk to your husband's friend that he goes to the gym with. It is very possible that you're right, but at this moment, you're rampaging like a madwoman with no reason to do so. If you can't find any evidence, you have to believe him when he says he's straight. If you can't believe him, you need to speak to a counselor to help you resolve your issues. What happened with your in-laws is very much affecting how you are relating to your husband and it shouldn't. He is not his father and your relationship is not their relationship. You need to follow your gut and not completely drop this because you could be right, but start going about it in a more constructive and less anxiety-filled way. Trade in your fear for self-reflection, realism, and logic. Good luck.

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I'm 16 and yes I do cut and I don't need a lecture. I'm trying to stop but I have an overwhelming amount of mental disorders. With that out of the way, I have to go to y cottage in 2.5 weeks and it's just me, my mom, younger brother, and aunt. No one except my best friend knows about my cutting and burning. I have a few faint scars from cutting on my arms and thighs and I want them to remove themselves because I have to wear a bathing suit at the cottage most of the time. And I have some very prominent burn scars on the wrist. There are 2 very pinky/red ones and one of them has gone white/ beige. I want the brighter ones to go white or beige so it isn't as noticeable. Does anyone know any remedies I can make at home tha works? I cannot just go out and buy special creams an it need I be fast acting, thanks

Scars don't go away. That's the problem. You probably didn't really think about the embarrassing long-term consequences of what they're doing and if you did, you didn't understand how awful it would really be. You'll stop cutting soon, but many many years from now you'll still have those scars. You'll still have to deal with people questioning them years and years beyond when you could justify having even done it in the first place. Just like you can't make your boobs bigger, you can't get rid of scars. Let this hard truth be what it takes for you to stop. Since you're only 16, your skin is still young and the scars have a chance of fading. Keep cutting and burning for much longer and that won't be the case anymore. Stay out of the sun because getting a tan will make the scars more obvious. Could you pretend that you have your period and not wear a bathing suit as much or put shorts over it because you're feeling uncomfortable? The only thing that you can really do to reduce the appearance of the scars is makeup. Experiment with it over the next 2 weeks and you should be able to find something that makes them less apparent. There are actually makeups specifically made for covering scars and tattoos. I'm not sure how easy it would be for you to get a bunch of makeup unnoticed, but that's really your only option. Unfortunately, there's very little that you can do about this. The next time you go to harm yourself, think about how permanent what you're doing really is. The pain of dealing with the scars all the time is going to be much worse over time than whatever you're dealing with now. Good luck!

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I have been with my boyfriend for close to 3 years now. When we first got together we both heavily discussed not wanting to get married. He has a child from a previous relationship (they never married) she is 4 now and I think of her as my own daughter. With a child involved being serious or not being together are really the only 2 outcomes of a relationship. Well we moved in together after 1 year and we are very happy. I love him and we are still sexually active and emotionally involved, we don't fight very often and his little girl just puts the bow on top of it all. Well, recently we decided with his former girlfriend that it would be best to get custody legally set. During the meeting he kept referring to me as his fiancé. Not sure if he did it because it sounds good legally or what. lately we have discussed buying a home after the lease goes up on our apartment. He said he is ready to sign a mortgage with me, we talk about building a green house and how we would paint his daughter's room. It seems so serious and I feel like at least for me how I felt 3 years ago when we first started dating has changed and I am starting to think he is the one. I am nervous to bring it up to him though, what if he still does feel that way? I don't want to feel the sting of being rejected by the man I have built a life with. I'm not sure how to bring it up without sounding like i am asking. How should I approach him? What should I say?

Dragonflymagic is right. You should never enter into agreements like a mortgage with someone without the benefit of marriage. This is because if the two of you split up and you're married, divorce court can settle everything. If the two of you split up and you're not married, you can't go to divorce court and things can get very complicated. People like to think of marriage as a big huge scary commitment and it is on one side. On the other side, though, it gives you legal rights and protections that you are really going to want to have unless you keep all of your finances completely separate and never have children. I think it would be perfectly reasonable to bring this up since he called you his fiancé. There's your easy opening. Because he did this you can bring it up in sort of a joking way. Ask him if he called you that because it sounded better than girlfriend or did you swallow the ring last week when you went out to eat and he was too embarrassed to tell you? Clearly that didn't happen, but telling a joke is a way to break the ice. You MUST discuss the ramifications of purchasing or building a home together without being married. It's not like you have to have an extravagant wedding. You can go to the courthouse and make it official. No matter what he says to you DO NOT sign a mortgage with him if you're not married. It can turn into a complete nightmare and all you need to do to protect both of you is get a piece of paper saying you're married. It doesn't have to change your relationship or anything. Since he seems to be very serious about getting a house, you need to get serious about this. It's going to be hard to bring it up, but the conversation needs to happen before you get swept into a situation that turns out badly and all you had to do from the start was just say something. Do not just go along with the flow because it's the easier thing to do than opening your mouth and asking him where he wants your relationship to go. If you can't talk to him, you shouldn't be with him. Force yourself to bring it up and you'll know what to say. The words will come. The hardest part is finding the courage to start the conversation. Once it's over, you'll be kicking yourself for how easy it was and wondering why you were so afraid of just talking. Seriously though, do not enter into a mortgage with him unless you're married. Stand firm on that. Don't pressure him into getting married if he doesn't want to, but don't put yourself in a vulnerable position. It's not like you have to be married to get a house. You just have to be married if both of you are on the mortgage. One person's name could be on the mortgage and you could come up with an arrangement that you can agree with if you split. As long as you put everything in writing and sign it, you should be okay. Be very careful not to say anything that will make it seem like you are pressuring him into getting married and you'll be fine. Say something like this toward the beginning of the conversation: "I am not and would never pressure you into getting married because that's not me. I just want to talk about our relationship and where it's going since we're beginning to talk about making serious financial commitments. I want to make sure that both of us are protected no matter what happens. If we get a mortgage together and then split up, it would be a disaster. If we get married first, we'd actually be much more protected from harm. Such a big financial commitment could cause big legal problems for us and I don't want either of us to get hurt. Getting married would protect us from more harm than staying unmarried would if we were serious enough to get a mortgage together. That's what legal marriage is for. To protect people. Why wouldn't we want that protection? We can still get a house and both of us can contribute, but I wouldn't be comfortable with both of our names on the mortgage unless we were married. It probably sounds like I'm pressuring you into getting married, but I promise I'm not. I just don't want to make any mistakes." Good luck!

http://homeguides.sfgate.com/buy-house-jointly-not-married-49893.html

http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/real-estate/unwed-buying1.asp

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15/f and I have a few questions about having pubic hair. I don't have wax available to me so I do shave it but that area gets really irritated and forms bumps of red and is really rough unlike the skin on my legs or underarms when they are shaved. Also, in which direction is it better to shave the pubic region? Sorry this is awkward

To add to the advice you've already gotten, hair conditioner makes a really great shaving cream and let it grow in a bit before trying to shave again.

http://www.wikihow.com/Shave-Your-Bikini-Area-Completely

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This guy has been asking me for sex since Sophomore year. He's been asking me stuff like sex, and stuff related to that I see him a lot bc I'm a lacrosse manager and i became one in 10th grade and he plays. He asked me and I was like watch the game bc he was talking to me and this was during our junior year. And he was like is that a no. I didn't say anything. He asked me again and he was like are u in the middle like yes and no and i nodded my head. Also he snap chatted me after and was like i know you want to have sex with me, he's serious. I snap chatted him saying "ok ill admit it, I want too. happpppy?" and he didn't snap chat back. And then we planned on hooking up after one game but I sorta faked because we were going to his car or mine and Im very unsure about myself he's been bugging me since 10th grade. He showed interest too in 9th grade like its weird!
But all of that is over! We never did anything and he has a gf. So our summer started this year, he contacts me in the very beginning of summer and it was just a awkward but he still wanted to do stuff with me.
We are rising seniors now, do you think he's still trying to get my pants, once lacrosse season starts again or maybe during the school year? I want him so bad..

I snap chatted him saying "I guess.. you'll never f*ck me" and he didn't snap chat back, but he always views my stories all the time. What is he thinking now?? Maybe bc its summer? Please answer my question right here!

It's nice to feel wanted. It's nice to know that someone wants you. It's easy to want someone back. What's very different than all of this is actually hooking up with someone. Take this for what it is: flirting and hormones. It is not, nor should it be, anything else. This guy seems like an idiot. It's nice to feel wanted, but what's nicer is someone that wants you because they like you not just because they think you're attractive. If you ever did have an experience with this guy it wouldn't be good. He's not interested in your needs and he was probably all talk back then. He has a girlfriend now and has matured. You need to mature too. Wanting to have sex with someone because they talked abut sex with you isn't mature. All you're going to do is get him in trouble with his girlfriend by sending him these messages. He's not going to want anything to do with you once you ruin his life. Seriously though, if this guy wants you, others do too. If he was so bold to say what he said, there are a lot of other guys interested in you. You're probably really attractive to guys. He can't be the only guy looking at you and being like "damn". He was just the only one that was immature enough to talk to you about it in the way that he did. Let your experience with him be a confidence builder. There are tons of guys that want you. I'm sure he still does, but it's not going to happen and it shouldn't. Find someone that you actually like personality-wise, get to know him, start dating, and have sex with him! It'll be so much better than this creeper. As good as it made you feel to hear it, he's a creeper. Non-creeps want you too. They're just not going to be creepy and let you know about it so directly. Forget about this guy. You can do way better. Good luck!

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My parents brought a dog home last night and it's so annoying! It keeps fighting with the other dog and has peed on the floor three times. Despite this, I'm the only one ticked off as everyone is like "aw look how cute the wittle puppy is". He was barking at three in the morning last night, and not just a little bit, a full-on frickin' chain of YIP YIP YIP. He knocked over my Chromebook and my mom got mad at me even though I put the charger up on the chair where I thought he wouldn't get it....I hate this dog and wish we would've gotten a kitten instead. Kittens are cute. I wish I could love or at least tolerate it though....what do I do? Just suffer until he's trained?

Puppies aren't for everyone, but there are some things that you can do to make things better. The reason why the puppy was making noise at night was probably because it was the first time away from his mother. This is very common and shouldn't last for more than 2 or 3 days so just hang in there. Knowing that there's a puppy in the house that can knock things over, just be careful about where you put things. If it's peeing on the floor that much, your family is not taking care of it properly. It should be let out every half hour or so and someone needs to be watching it constantly. Consider crate training. Do it yourself if you have to. It may be worth it if you can train the dog more quickly. Crate training is also a nice way to keep the dog out of trouble. If that's not an option, maybe baby gates? Put them up so the dog can't go certain places in the house? Good luck! You won't hate the dog forever. After awhile it won't act much like a puppy anymore. Honestly a kitten probably would have caused just as much trouble too. Rather than suffer until it's trained, train it yourself. There's tons of info online about how to do it. It can actually be fun and rewarding. If you're not willing to do that, then don't complain and just tough it out.

http://www.humanesociety.org/animals/dogs/tips/crate_training.html

http://www.inch.com/~dogs/cratetraining.html

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Because I can insert a tampon but it always feels a little odd. Not necessarily uncomfortable, but I can tell it's there. I'm just wondering if I'm still doing it correctly or if I need to push it in farther.

As long as it doesn't hurt you're fine. It is true that some people can't feel them, but certainly not everyone. It can also depend on the brand a bit so try a few different kinds. Good luck and don't worry about this stuff!!

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My boyfriend and I are middle school sweethearts and we have finally decided to try and start a family. For 9 months we have practically been having sex every day maybe 3 days tops inbetween we wouldn't. I have weird periods where i skip every other month,so it's hard to schedule anything. I'm still not pregnant, i don't know what I'm doing wrong. Seeing a negative on every test i take is heart breaking. Please set me up with some useful advice. My boyfriend and I are ready to have one of our own, it's just not happening.

I think that what she's saying is that they've been together since middle school. "Middle school sweethearts" like "high school sweethearts", meaning that they've been together since they were young, not that they are young now. If you're at least 20 years old, continue reading. If not, are you crazy? Wait!

Lots of people have trouble getting pregnant. It's not uncommon at all. The best thing that you can do is schedule an appointment with a doctor especially since you have an irregular cycle. It's possible that all you need is a fertility drug. It's also possible that one of you is infertile. A doctor can help you with everything. Good luck!

This link contains way more information than you need, but is informative.
http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/ss/slideshow-which-treatment-is-for-you

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I'm quite embarrassed to say that I am a 33 year old female virgin and have never masturbated. I don't think there is something wrong with me, it's just an opportunity to have sex never happened. But now I am constantly thinking of sex, getting sexual urges sometimes for days on end etc. I am even thinking of getting a vibrator just to please the urges. I am quite scared to do it, since it will be my first experience but I am also quite excited at what I might feel. Is there something wrong with me or my sexual urges? Will it calm the urges a bit if I masturbate? I am quite shy about this subject as sex and masturbate is not a common subject in my family / friends circle. I am quite a sorry Suzi / sad case and feel like I am doing something so out of character by ordering a vibrator. Any advice? Should I masturbate?

You shouldn't be embarrassed! If you're thinking about trying masturbation, why not go for it? It's very different from an experience with another person so don't think of it as losing your first experience. That will be just as special and different when it does happen whether you've tried masturbation or not. As for calming urges, it may or it may not depending on the person. You can only really find out once you try it. Since you're shy about this, it might be a good idea to try without a vibrator first. This might not make sense, but you shouldn't try using a power drill before you know how to use a screwdriver. Start small and easy just using your hands. Get comfortable with that and work your way up to the vibrator. Once you've had a little experience, buying a vibrator might not be so scary and you might even have a better idea of what you want. It seems like you really want to try and just needed a little reassurance. Go for it and good luck! :)

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My bf of 9 months just dumped me. We were Absolutly head over heels in love. He comes from a super strong Christian background but when he was in his early 20's pretty much split away from the church. His fam is super religous still and recently have been attempting to bring him back to the church. The past month he became distant because he was so torn on what to do. He is very about loyalty to fam and was struggling w the fact that they would dis-own him if he didn't come back. He's almost 30 and says he had been thinking of one day trying church again and so because of the pressure of losing his fam, he has decided he really wants to make a good hard effort now. Because I am not of the same faith, he said he had to end it. His family would never accept him marrying a girl not a part of their church. He said he still wants to stay friends because as bf/gf we are also each other's best friends. My bday is in 1 1/2 months and he says he wants to still get me something and I asked and he agreed maybe hang out if we are ready. Till then I'm going to back off and let us both heal for a while first, but do you think down the road maybe we could work on things once he feels more like he has a grasp on this? I've even been considering maybe converting if in a few months I'm still not over him. I don't know how to go about bringing that idea up as well. Has anyone else ever gone through this and had it work out, or is it pretty much, if it's about religion, it's over...?

His family is more important to him than you. You can deny this or defend him all you want, but based upon his actions, it's true. You may even say that it's okay if your family is more important than your girlfriend. Do you think that someone's family should be more important than their spouse? Of course not. If you were to marry him what would make anything change? It's not just his decision to follow a particular religion that we're talking about here. Your family shouldn't ever be more important than yourself. He decided to go back to the religion because of them, not because of him and what he really wants to do or believe. His family's wishes are the most important thing in is life. This is a hard truth that you need to come to understand and you need to realize that it's not good. Your feelings are getting in the way of seeing that he's a bad person to be in a relationship with because of what he has done here. If you find a way to get back together with him, his family will always be an issue. Whether it's about religion, kids, or something else. It's best to move on. If HE changes his mind again and decides to be with you, maybe it's worth trying, but leave it up to him. If he is going to cater to what his family wants rather than what he wants, he's not going to ever be a good partner for you. Something like this causes huge problems within a marriage. Even if you're okay with accepting it now because you love him, you won't be okay with it later, especially when kids are involved. The last thing you want to do is begin catering to his family yourself. Converting to a religion for the primary reason of being able to date someone is completely ridiculous, desperate, and pathetic (and you probably know that). You should only convert to a religion because you believe it, not so that you can be with a guy. If you're interested in Christianity, look into it and see if it's for you. Don't do it for him. It wouldn't be believable and is an insult to the religion. If you're able to be friends with him go for it, but it might be difficult to just be friends at this point. I may sound kind of harsh, but when you're desperately in love with someone, you're bound to do something stupid if someone isn't harsh with you. It may be hard to see something like caring about your family and being religious as a bad, unforgivable dealbreaker, but it should be in this case because he's doing it for the wrong reasons. Get out and get over him now before you get in too deep. It will only feel worse the farther you make it with him. Just because you love someone does not make them right for you. Good luck.

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I have a question if I have a to go pre paid phone but I put that sm card in an I phone and I'm on a friends wifi and I post something dumb talking about someone. If someone like the law were to trace what I post what will they pull up the wifi address my IP address? Which would be bunch of numbers and What if my I phone has my name as it's name? Can they pull that up? Will my IP address on my phone give me away?

Yes it will. Absolutely. Don't say dumb things. If you have to say dumb things, never put them in writing. It will come back to you. This means that in order to say dumb things, you have to say them to the person's face. Since you don't want to do this, you must be a complete coward or you're just trying to hurt people. Either way, you should probably think about being more of a better person who says smart things and less of a loser who says dumb things. Good luck.

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I'm going on a diet and I only want to eat around 500 calories a day (with little to no cheat days) I was wondering if this is safe/ healthy as long as I get all if my vitamins and nutrients. My Bmr is about 1,400 and I'll be exercising so I know I'll lose weight. I've been eating avocado, almonds, milk, oranges, apples, bananas, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, oatmeal, spinach, tomatoes, fish, tofu, grapes , broth, watermelon, green tea, black tea,and of course water. I'm planning on expanding the list if I do this long term. I eat 5-7 small meals a day. So is this safe? I've heard that if I do this my body will start eating my muscle so I've put the diet on hold until I know for sure. If this isn't safe, I'd like some suggestions to improve my diet, like how many calories I should eat. Thanks! (Oh and by the way, I'm a woman if that matters.

If you were to completely gorge yourself with food every day to the point where you were consuming enough food to gain a pound every 2 days, you'd be really really unhealthy and disgusting. Agreed? Well, it's no different the other way around. If you completely deny yourself of food to the point where you're consuming so little, it's SUPER unhealthy and disgusting. It took you awhile to put on the extra weight and it's going to take you awhile to get it off. That's life. Healthy weight loss is about 5 pounds per month. In order to lose 5 pounds per month, you need only cut about 500-600 calories per day from your regular diet. That's like one snack. If you are really serious about losing weight, you have to set realistic goals for yourself. It it not realistic to limit yourself to 500 calories. In order for your body to sustain itself so you don't get sick and die, you need at least 1200-1500 calories per day. You might be able to pull it off for a week or so and lose a bunch of weight all at once, but you won't be able to sustain it and you'll feel miserable all the time because you're hungry and your goal is simply unattainable. You'll probably end up gaining more than you were able to lose. I was able to lose 12 pounds in 3 months by limiting myself to 1500 calories per day. Isn't that good? Wouldn't you like to be the one saying that? Three months isn't really that long. You can do it too. It's going to take dedication and it's going to take time. Avoiding food will destroy your body, you'll look terrible, and you won't learn how to sustain your weight once you lose what you want to lose. Good luck!

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So I met this girl in school and I've known her now for a year, and I really like her but she has a boyfriend. Now I'm friends with her on Facebook and I looked at her boyfriend and he looks like a low life, degenerate, douchebag. And I've called this girl sweet names before like sweet heart and stuff like that and she said that's one thing she likes about me because her boyfriend doesn't call her sweet names and I would take time out of my day to talk to her when her boyfriend wouldn't even talk to her when he's watching TV. But I went on one of those sites where you can look up people's info from there email and username and I found out her boyfriend has been on dating site and I know they didn't meet on one because they met in school together. But I'm not sure how I should tell or even if I should tell her at all. I was going to do it anonomysly through a fake email, because she already knows I like her, so I didn't want to tell her straight out because I know how girls think and she will probably think I'm a nut job or a psycho to go that far to get dirt on him and I don't want her thinkin I did I to break them up so me and her could be together. So I need someones opinion on what I should do.
Also

She's 15
He's either 16-18 I don't know because he can drive and I'm not sure if he lied about his age on Facebook

This is a weird situation because if you tell her, she might respond differently than if someone else told her. I've been in a few situations where I've discovered things about friend's and close family member's boyfriends online. It's always a tough situation. You don't really know how her relationship is, just one side. You don't know if she already knows about this and has accepted it by allowing it to happen. Your situation is complicated in that she may wonder if you have ulterior motives in telling her (which you honestly do) and she may end up getting upset with the wrong person (you). I think the fake e-mail route is a good way to go because she does need to know and you don't want it to affect her relationship with you. Make sure you include hard evidence, screenshots, the link, etc. The problem with the fake e-mail strategy is that since it's so impersonal, when she reads it, it might not work. She may want to deny what's going on and not tell anybody. She may not want to believe the faceless paragraph on the screen or may not trust it because it was anonymous. If no one in her life convinces her that it's time to break up with this guy, she'll probably stay with him. It can't be you because then you'd have way too much involvement, which would come back to bite you in the end. She has already stayed with this guy after how she says he treats her so why wouldn't she just accept this too? What you can do to help with this is send an e-mail to one of her close female friends as well. It's likely that her friends don't like him either. The other problem with this strategy is that if she does break up with him and you do end up with her, you HAVE TO come clean about what you did. If you don't, you're no better than the guy she's with. Going behind her back and manipulating her life online isn't a particularly noble thing to do and is really rather cowardly. It's probably the right thing to do if it's what it takes for her to break up with this guy, but it isn't good and you know that. You have to consider the idea that if she disagrees with your methods, she may not be interested in you and you have to be okay with that because at least she's not with him. You risk losing her by getting involved at all. She will have every right to know that it was you so you will need to plan for how to tell her. Be ready to explain why and answer any of her questions. Set a date and make sure that you do it. If you know that you can't bring yourself to tell her, do not do this. Doing something that you can't be honest about would make it so that you don't deserve her, just like the guy she's already with. If you do send the e-mails and it doesn't work, you have to let it go. Do not get very deep into this. Once you've responded back and forth with like, one more e-mail, that's it. Set very clear limits for yourself. You don't want to become obsessed with this. If she chooses to stay with him knowing everything, that's her decision to make and all you can do at that point is continue to be a great friend. If the e-mail thing has started to scare you, another option would be to speak to a close friend of hers that you think you can trust. Explain to this friend what you found and explain that you don't want to be the one to tell her because of your interest. Tell the friend EVERYTHING. How you feel about her, that you were thinking about sending an e-mail instead, really, tell everything. The friend will sympathize with you. She may reveal to her where she got the information from, but she will probably paint you in a positive light. This is the more noble way and simpler way to go if you're brave enough to do it. Good luck!

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Question

End of everything i want to die

So this all comes to this , let me tell you readers about me
I'm not gonna mention my name but i really need some help and hope that you guys can give me some :(
Its midnight here and its raining quite heavily , and here i am a lower middle class boy who is about to lose everything he had .
Well i am a university student , even though I am a middle class my parents worked so hard for me to get into the university i am not a scholar guy I'm just average at first year in first semester i had 3 ATKTs and because of that i had to give 9 subjects this semester
I worked hard i did my best there was a time when i didn't even slept well for 6-7 days and keep studying hard
Now exams are over and i need to pass in at least 4 subjects to get in second year and i know that I'm gonna fail cause how badly I've done in my exams
My results are on next month
Plus i hace a education loan from bank and they cant continue my loan if i fail
Worst of all guys I'll drop out of the college
And i couldn't stand the embarrassment of it i couldn't stand look on my parents wyes when they will find out i droped out :(
I know guys results are not declared yet but i know how i done in exams and I'm surely going to fail
And ill get a drop :( i just don't know what to do
I cant stand the shame
I can't sleep in night
My dad got 2 heart attacks already and he cant work for much long and i feel really terrible now i am crying at this very moment
I messed up everything life disent give another chance
MK

You're mistaken about your options. There are ways to continue with school if you fail. There are ways to continue to get loans if you fail. This is a very stressful time for you so it can be easy to lose control and feel yourself begin to spiral negatively downward. It was the right thing to do to ask for advice. My advice to you is this: Don't be a pessimist, be the type of person that finds a way. Talk to a financial or academic counselor at your university. Tell this person what your fears are and ask them what your options would be in the worst case scenario. There are options. There is still a lot of hope for you. It is certainly not the end of everything. You haven't even asked yet. Rather than an end, make this a beginning. Take a look at the link below for comfort. It's a list of very successful people who failed, but persevered. You can and will move past this and be successful in your life. You don't need to be given another chance. Search, find another chance, and take it. Good luck.

http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/02/16/50-famously-successful-people-who-failed-at-first/
http://www.onlinecollege.org/2010/02/16/50-famously-successful-people-who-failed-at-first/

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Im not sure how many calories i should consume everyday.
My BMR is 1589 and i go to the gym 4-5times a week. Im 16 and weigh 73kg right now but im trying to change that. i read somewhere that for leight loss you should consume around 1500 calories but then in another place it said something different and id appreciate it if someone could help me out :) thnx in advance

I like to use livestrong.com/myplate to track my caloric intake. It gives you a custom goal. Then you enter in what you eat as well as any exercise that you do each day. It keeps track of all of the numbers for you. It's a great tool and it helped me lose 12 pounds a few years ago! Then it helped me keep it off. Since you're 16, it would be a good idea to run all of this by your doctor first just to make sure you're being safe. Good luck! :)

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Ok..I dated this guy for a couple of months but he was 6 yrs older than me..I'm 16..we were first just friends but then we began to "love" each other. I would go by him everyday but we never did anything really..then we almost did and I stopped him...he got a bit mad at me. He said he didnt want to date me now at 16 because he didn't want me to do things that were not right..we didnt talk for awhile...then he called but we are sort of awkward friends now...I still like him though and i told him but he said he dont want to destroy my life. Should I get back with him? If yes how?

No. He's right. An age difference of 6 years isn't a big deal when you're in your mid-20's or older, but at your age it's too much. Any guy that is 22 that would want to be with a 16 year old, no matter how mature she was to talk to or how much he liked her, has something wrong with him. It's natural for a 16 year old to fall in love with someone older, but it's just a crush and is NOT a good idea for a relationship. He's too far ahead of you in life for the relationship to be meaningful or balanced. Stop trying to pressure him into it and move on. We all have that older guy that we fell in love with when we were young. Let him be that and that only for you. If when you're 22 and both of you are single maybe it's worth a shot, but for now, you're not ready for him yet. You're probably going to disagree and you probably don't understand why, but just trust me on this. You don't want to push him into being with someone who is too young for him. Good luck.

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So I've been on a diet for a while and it's kind of spiraling out of control. I use to intake about 1,500 calories a day and then work out and all of that but now I work out and eat only 500 calories a day. Is this bad? How many calories do I need a day? I've tried eating but I just can't make myself because I don't want to get fat. What can I do about this all? I'm a 14 year old female by the way. Thanks in advance!

Yes that's very bad! And I'm sure you know that it is. You don't get fat from eating, you survive from eating. It is VERY dangerous for an adult woman to eat less than 1200 calories a day and probably for you, since you're 14 and your brain and other parts of your body are still developing you need a lot more! I limit myself to about 1500 when I'm trying to lose weight, not when I'm trying to maintain my current weight. You should be consuming around 1800-2000 calories every day. It actually takes an EXTRA 3500 calories beyond that just to gain one pound. That's a lot. You really don't have much to worry about. If you are truly concerned about becoming overweight, a doctor will be able to give you the correct number of calories that you should be consuming so that you don't. I feel as if there are other issues going on here though. You've taken this to the very extreme which is not a good sign in terms of where your mind is at. Talking to someone who knows something about nutrition can help you come up with the right diet. Doing what you're doing could cause permanent damage to your body over something that is a temporarily exaggerated and irrational fear. The good thing is that you're not crazy. You really aren't. It's normal to worry about this sort of thing. What isn't normal is trying to figure it out yourself and going to the extreme as a reaction to how you're feeling. Just because you're growing doesn't mean you're getting fat. You're 14. I'm guessing you're not an expert in health and nutrition. Talk to someone that is if you really want to do this right. You could really mess yourself up if you don't. Things will get out of control for you very fast. You'll want to stop doing this because it's wrong, but the longer you do it for, the harder it's going to be and your whole life will get messed up. That's not what you want. Get help. The only thing that can happen if you talk to someone is exactly what you want - to not get fat. Don't let your brain keep telling you that the wrong choices will give you the right results. Good luck.

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It so hard for me to talk about these questions to people in person, mainly because I'm worried everyone will think I'm crazy. I totally feel like I'm going completely nuts, but there's something I can't get my mind off of.

Does anyone here believe testimonies of people who claim to have been to Heaven or Hell? I didn't really in the past, but there are these two girls who claim to have been taken on by Jedus on tours of hell and came back to tell about it. They both say some of the same things, like that they saw Michael Jackson there and children who watched cartoons.

The thing is that these girls messages may actually come from satan, or they may be making their stories up for whatever reason. Regardless, they are causing people to have intense fear about their eternity. They're making salvation seem impossible.

Some of what they say seems extremely random. Like, "Oh, God doesn't like blondes, God doesn't like people who own Chihuahuas, God doesn't like people who drive Ford's." They don't actually say those things, but that's how bad it can seem. Like we're all unknowingly doing things that can get a person sent to Hell. Like no one can know that they're doing anything that will condemn them later. Like we're all doomed and God tries to make salvation as hard as possible.

When one girl was giving her testimony, I thought to myself that if some of what she was saying was true, it didn't seem as if God could be the loving, gracious, and just God that some believe that he is. I know better than to believe that though. I know better than to think that he is a cruel God who likes to see people go to Hell and who makes salvation practically impossible.

I feel like God states everything you are and aren't supposed to do in the Bible, but some of these people say that you can get sent to Hell for things that the Bible doesn't mention and things that you'd never think of.

They claim that dying your hair, painting your nails, wearing makeup, and using perfume will keep you from having any hope of getting to Heaven, but my grandmother did all of these things and, at the risk of sounding crazier than I already do, I know she's in Heaven because she gives us this sign that she is and that she's watching us. I reject that these things will sent you to Hell.

The last reason I don't believe them is because their stories seem to contradict the Bible. For example, they say that they were taken to Hell and brought back to warn people, but doesn't the Bible say that if someone doesn't already believe, they still won't even if somebody comes back from the dead to tell them? Also, one girl sounds very high and mighty and says that God made her responsible for saving people, but isn't Jesus the only one who can save you?

There are plenty of other inconsistencies, but the majority of people seem to believe them. It seems like most people don't believe Colton Burpo, Alex Malarkey, or people like that, but they wholeheartedly believe these people. They say, "I don't see why any real Christian would feel the need to question this." Even though the Bible TELLS us to test these things. It's like people don't want to hear nice stories that give you hope,they only want to hear terrifying ones that make you feel hopeless.

I guess my question is am I right not to believe any of this? And also how do you KNOW you're going to Heaven?

.

A lot of people have a lot to say about what God does and doesn't want, don't they? It's more complex than these being messages from either God or the devil. The world is a complicated place and there are very few things that are pure good or pure evil. People who claim to have been to heaven or hell may just believe that they have because they dreamt it. There are so many different denominations of Christianity, many with different beliefs. Any one of them could be right or wrong. Perhaps none of them are true...but aren't there good people in all of them? The whole point is that we don't know exactly how to get to heaven and are left to our own devices and our FAITH. The only thing that you can do as a Christian person who believes in God is to follow your conscience and what you believe. Live a good life. Do good. Help people. If in the end, when you face God for judgment, you can be proud of the life that you led, that's all that matters and all that means anything. Trying to hack the system and figure out exactly how to behave isn't possible and even if you could it's cheating. Live the best life you can and if you can be proud of the person you become, chances are, God will be too. :) It's hard not to stress over the unknowns of religion, death, and the afterlife. For some reason, people like to make it complicated, but it's not that complicated. According to the Bible, you need only believe in Jesus. Remember how just before He died, He told the criminal who was being put to death with Him that He'd see him in Heaven? Surely this guy lived a horrible life, but was welcomed simply because he believed. Don't let yourself become consumed by figuring out how to be perfect and trying to be perfect. God made you perfectly imperfect. It is impossible to live a life without sin, but that's the great thing about Jesus. Before he came along pretty much nobody got into heaven. Jesus made it so that all you have to do is believe in Him to get there. So take a deep breath, believe, and just try to be a good person. People who say that watching cartoons or straightening your hair is going to send you to hell are completely missing the point and focusing on weird stuff that doesn't even matter. God is much bigger than all of that. When you can get these worldly, insignificant worries out of you mind, there will be room for Him. Good luck!

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So my husband and I have an age difference of 22 years, and he will turn 50 soon. I am a soldier and on the tail end of a deployment. This is the first time that we have been apart for longer than a week, and I was really scared at first. Not because I didn't think I could handle it, but because I didn't know what he would do. Early on in our relationship I now realize he was very controlling. Would go through my phone and emails, and interrogate all of my contacts with other men. He always says he needs to feel needed, but it always feels so forced. He quit caring about how he looked, acted, what he wore when I left. He has also gotten lazy and overweight. He gets angry with me because he doesn't think I prioritize him anymore. He refuses to make friends or join a support network while I am away and clings to me for everything. I was first attracted to him because of his strength and independence but now it seems that he is weak and clingy. When I was home on mid tour leave I cherished the moments I wasn't around him because he was suffocating. On top of all of this he is always negative. Always in crisis. Negativity is my huge pet peeve. I talked to him about it 3 times over 9 months then finally gave him a warning shot that it had damaged my ability to care for him bc I couldn't handle it anymore. I cringe to think about going home. Is there a way I can move through this or should I just start preparing myself for the dissolution?

A situation like this has a lot of layers and is much too complex for a person that doesn't know you to examine with a simple paragraph. It is often the things that are left unsaid that are the most important and you can only provide one side. If you truly want an answer and you want the right answer, you need to speak to a professional. Find a marriage counselor in your area. What I can say is that this is definitely not a healthy relationship. If you want to try to make things work, you will need to see a counselor anyway. Find someone that both of you can agree on. If he is not interested and refuses to see a counselor, the decision is clear. I'm so sorry that this is happening for you and I wish you the best of luck.

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