about

I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
*employed
*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I'm planning on starting college soon and I have to get extra on my student loan, so I can afford fuel to get back and forth. I'm wondering if it might be worth it to get a larger amount and use it to move out of my parents house before I graduate. I'm talking about 20k extra, so that I can buy furnishings and essentials for the apartment as well as have a little cushion afterwards.
Now as young as I sound right now, I'm actually in my 20s, so I have been weighing the pros and cons, but I'd really like an outsiders opinion.
Right now all I have is my boyfriends and he just told me he'd support me no matter what I decide to do. We will not be living together for another couple years, because he is overseas.
Health issues, family issues, and personal issues have kept me from going to school and moving out up until now, so I'm very antsy, and very ready, to move out and on my own. Thanks for your advice! :)

Private student loans are the absolute worst kind of debt. You can't get rid of them if you claim bankruptcy. Often, even if you die, someone still has to pay for them. Avoid them at all costs. DO NOT take out extra so that you can have a nice apartment that you can't afford. I would say, it's even a huge mistake to take out extra for fuel. Have you ever watched Suze Orman's show? Look into it. It's a real eye-opener about the dangers of any and all student loan debt.

That being said, nobody told me any of this before I did it. My parents were upset with me and refused to pay for any of my college expenses. I paid for my tuition with government loans, but took out private student loans to cover my expenses so that I could live off-campus. I was able to get decent private student loans with fixed interest rates. $20,000 worth of student loans is going to cost you $200+ a month until you're 50 or 60 on top of whatever else you're having to pay. This was a huge burden when I was just starting out. After college, I went through some really hard times where I wasn't paying other bills because I knew I had to pay this one. I do have it under control now. Sometimes I look around and think to myself, wow, I'm still paying for that Xbox. How can I have all these nice things and only $100 in my savings account? I made some mistakes. I should have been pinching every penny. It DOES NOT cost $20,000 to furnish an apartment. If you have to take out loans for this, all you can truly afford is a card table and some camping chairs. Really. I'm not trying to be mean or funny. You'd be living way above your means and starting your life out the wrong way. This could be a real slippery slope for you. If you do it and it seems like it works out, you could start taking loans out for other things. You can't afford any of this. I should have lived on-campus so that government loans would have covered more. I often ask myself why I was so stupid with money back then. I should have been more concerned about my future and I should have done more research about how bad private student loans were. Instead, I ignored it because I had already made up my mind and I was going to do it anyway. I worry what will happen if I ever lose my job, if I die, or if I have a kid with a lot of medical needs. Luckily, everything's good right now. There's no telling what next year could be like, though.

The deciding factor for you should be what profession you're planning on entering. What is the starting salary of the field that you're planning on going into? How long could it take you to get a job? How much money will you be making in the first 5 years? If it's not much, taking out any loans is a very bad idea. I should not have done it. If I could go back, I probably wouldn't do it. It feels like the right thing to do right now and you may be thinking "what's the worst that could happen" "everything will be fine, it always has been" "people take out student loans all the time and they're okay". You really, really want to do this so you probably will regardless of what advice we give you. Just know the risks. Will you be able to pay for these loans when they come due? That should be your biggest question. If you're not sure, don't do it. You can't be totally sure, can you? There is always another way.

You don't have to take out extra so you can afford fuel. Work so you can afford fuel. Seriously, student loans are really bad to have. Avoid them. I have a friend who worked all the way through college. She was stressed and tired all of the time. Now though, she's way better off financially than I am. She has a great, carefree life. She's able to pay for her own wedding. I'm still scraping to get by. I'm getting by, but it is a struggle. She's doing great and has absolutely no student loan debt. I envy her for what she was able to do and I wish that I had felt strong enough to do it myself at the time. I would have such a better life right now if I did. The little bit of comfort that the loans gave me robbed me of the comfort I could have had for now and won't have for years to come.

Any student loan debt is never worth it because it can be avoided if you're willing to put in the time. The way that your question is worded, it seems like you're looking for someone to agree with you and tell you that you should do it. Don't have that attitude because it will make it hard for you to see the downsides. The downsides here are really horrible.

What this whole situation comes down to is one question. Are you willing to risk future financial stability for comfort now? It sounds kind of bad when you put it that way, but it's really what this whole thing boils down to. Discomfort now will ensure financial stability later. Is this a risk you're willing to take? Those are the pros and cons in a nutshell. Whatever you choose, you'll figure your life out and things will be okay. Just be careful not to make a decision that will haunt you. Good luck.

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I feel scared to ask my parents for a snapchat facebook Kris even an instagram because of how over protective they are what should I do

Bring it up slowly. Say that you feel disconnected from other kids your age and that you want to start taking more responsibility, but with guidance. Start with whichever one you think will be least scary for your parents. My guess is that it would be Facebook. Facebook has been around for awhile and there are a lot of adults using it too. It's less scary because it's more well-known. Tell your parents that you really want to do this, but that they would be able to monitor your every move. This means that they would have your password and would be able to check what you were doing at any time. I think that as long as you allow this, they'll let you have the account. After some time has passed and you're doing well with it, nothing is going wrong, and you've completely earned their trust, you can discuss the possibility of more privacy with the account. It would suck a little, but it's better than not having it at all and it shows your parents that you understand the dangers so much that you're willing to give them complete access in order for you to be safe. This isn't the best scenario, but it's a way to get your foot in the door. Good luck!

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I bought a white dress for a wedding I am suppose to go to thos Saturday but I started my period today and I don't have anything else nice enough for the wedding to wear what fo I do?

Unless you are positive that the bride isn't wearing white, DO NOT wear the white dress under any circumstances, period or no. It is considered highly inappropriate and disrespectful to the bride. Depending on her personality, the bride my be angry at you. Even if she is okay with it, there are sure to be at least a few other judgmental guests who will disapprove and scrutinize you mercilessly behind your back. Just a warning!

If you're dead set on wearing the white dress, why are you worried? Do you normally leak to the point where it shows through your clothing? If so, you're using the wrong products to begin with and need to find something that offers more protection. If not, don't worry. White shouldn't be any scarier than any other color to wear.

Are you afraid of tampons and don't want a pad to be visible? Give tampons a try. There are actually really great instructions in the box on how to insert them and once you get it in correctly, it shouldn't hurt at all. Bring a big purse filled with lots of extras and change them a lot. Wear a thin pantyliner along with the tampon, just in case.

Another thing you can do is wear a slip underneath the dress so that there would be another invisible layer that the blood would have to soak through in order to show. See if you can return or exchange the dress.

My advice to you is to not wear the white dress, but for reasons other than because you have your period. Good luck and have a great time!

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I've had cystic acne for over 10 years. it is painful and embarrassing. The doctors in the past have told me that I have the worst kind of acne. I don't have medical insurance right now & I can't afford that expensive stuff like accutane, etc. I've tried every face wash/cream in the stores. The dermatologists have given me pills/creams that don't help. My acne is on my back, chest and its even worse on my face. My skin gets really oily around my nose and I have to wash it. I drink plenty of water and eat healthy. I've been made fun of since elementary school because of my face acne and it hurts.

I have bumps like this: http://s1.hubimg.com/u/4039650_f520.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-eIj3oI3EdaU/UBh6vqr4ECI/AAAAAAAAAeI/Oooy36j6bPc/s1600/cystic+acne.jpg

The reason why no one has answered your question for a few days is because you've asked a question with unreasonable conditions. There's only one way to answer it and if that answer isn't out there, what are we supposed to say? What I mean is, what you're looking for and what you want to hear just don't exist. If you have cystic acne, the only solution is to work with a doctor to find a medical treatment, which will probably be expensive. If you had cancer, you wouldn't be dabbing in home remedies, you'd be paying for expensive treatments. What you have is a condition requiring expensive treatments. I'm so sorry to say this to you, but there's just no way around it. It may be less expensive to get insurance than you think. Seriously look into it. Other than that, you'll need to either live with your condition as you have, or come up with the money necessary to treat it. I hate to be the one to tell you, but someone has to. It's probable that no one else is coming on here to tell you the same thing because they fear a low rating from you so I feel like I'm speaking for many when I say that what you're asking for, just isn't out there. Good luck.

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I am having a hard time calculating when I conceived. I had unprotected sex on August 14th, and my period was due August 26th. I had sex again on August 23 protected. About 6 days later ( my period was late by then) I went to the bathroom and when I wiped the condom came out. I didn't look inside of it so idk. I took a pregnancy test yesterday September 3 and it was positive. Is it possible I conceive earlier on like on the 14th?

I'm not sure why this matters. When you go to the doctor to confirm your pregnancy, they may be able to give you information. There are ways that the doctor can see how far along you are. How could random strangers on the internet have any idea? It's quite possible that you conceived on the 14th. Take a look at the pregnancy test that you used. What does it say about how long you should wait? Some home tests cannot detect a pregnancy for 2 weeks. If the one you used was one of those, it's likely that you conceived earlier. All that aside, who cares? You've got better things to worry about than when you conceived. It's a given that you should be worrying about your child, which I'm sure you're thinking about. The other thing though, which really angers me actually, is the guy that you were having sex with. Where did he think the condom went? It was absolutely awful of him not to say something to you. It's very, very dangerous to leave something like that in your vagina. Getting pregnant wasn't that big of a concern to you because you were having unprotected sex anyway, but you could have gotten a serious infection from the condom being left there like that. You should have serious concerns about the maturity and responsibility levels of this person as a continued partner and father of your child. He may pretend like he had no idea or didn't think about it, but that's just as bad as purposely leaving it there. How could you ever trust him alone with a baby if he's going to be that stupid or forgetful? Make sure he knows that what he did was unacceptable and that he'd better get it together. Good luck.

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I'm a 14 year old girl and occasionally I will get a red circle on my thigh. It's about 3-4 inches in diameter and it's right above my knee. It can happen on either leg and on any part of the front of my thigh though like I said, it's usually directly above my knee. It's not a bump or a zit type thing with a center, it's just a circle and it doesn't hurt it itch or bother me at all, it's just there. It's only there for a day or two and then it's gone and stays away for a few weeks. Should I see a doctor or does this just happen and it's normal?

It doesn't seem like a big deal because it isn't changing and it goes away. Take a picture of it and the next time you're at the doctor for something else, like a physical, ask about it. You'll have a picture to show the doctor just in case it's not there right then. It's probably just a vein or something, but it's always best to just ask. Good luck!

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What is considered the normal way to grieve for a beloved friend who has recently committed suicide? Is it abnormal or even crazy to dump your current significant other of several months and develop romantic feelings for the guy who died? (Let's call that guy Levi just so we have something to call him BTW.) Would that be sick or unhealthy in any way?

I just miss Levi so, so much. I miss the time I had with him, I miss his smile, his laugh, his wonderful ability to make me and anyone else laugh until we hurt. Most of all, I miss his kind, generous, and loving heart.

I'd do anything to be able to go back in time and save him, or even just spend some more time with him. I'd give a kidney, an ovary, an eye, a limb, and 40 years off of my life to have been able to prevent his death, but of course it's too late.

I've also seemed to develop a bit of an anger issue since his death. Sometimes I feel like Jekyll and Hyde because I can be calm one minute, explode the next, and then go back to being calm. I don't know if this anger is really for Levi, the situation, or myself for taking him for granted.

One thing that can easily spark my anger is people judging him. As a devout Christian, I believe in Heaven and Hell, but unlike some, I don't believe that suicides go to Hell. Not if they've accepted Jesus that is. I believe that anyone who does that to themselves cannot be in their right minds and that God has mercy on them for that reason. Levi was mentally ill with bipolar disorder and clinical depression. Something was not working right in his brain at the moment he decided to end his own life and I believe God understood that and took him to Heaven where is happier and doesn't suffer the problems he did here on earth.

Needless to say, some people don't feel the same way and I get so mad when I hear some judgemental person who thinks they know more than God claim that Levi's in Hell. These people did not even know him. He was a devoted Christian, he loved God, he accepted Jesus, but these people claim that he died because he worshipped the "God of the unbelievers" as if that even makes sense. Also, they put him down and spit on him for killing himself when they have no idea what a great, kind hearted person he was. He really, honestly was an inspiration to me to be a better person, but his suicide was caused by him being sick, not cruel or selfish and certainly not evil.

The break up with the guy I was seeing was partially caused by romantic feelings for Levi and partially because I felt that I needed some space from my now ex that guy. He was a great guy, but I felt like things were kind of dying between us anyway. I don't want to become the kind of person who distances herself from everyone and keeps all of her feelings bottled up though, nor do I want these new feelings for Levi to make his death more painful.

Are these feelings normal? Is having grown an obsession with suicide and mental illness normal for someone in my situation? What is the normal, textbook way to mourn the loss of such a precious life that did not have to end, but that did end at the hands of the person whose life it was? Any tips on how to get through this?

What's going on with you is very normal, don't worry. :)

It can be hard to deal with at times like this, but some people with strong religious beliefs feel the need to preach, unsolicited at others at the most inopportune times. This is an unfortunate fact of life that you'll deal with from time to time. Nobody can know what happens after death. That's why we call them "beliefs". It's hard to be polite to people when they are being forceful and/or insensitive, but that's the best way to go. Politely excuse yourself from any conversations about where someone goes when they commit suicide and don't start any of your own. Don't argue with anyone, try to convince them of anything, or try to change their minds. No amount of debate will change anyone's minds and it's just going to make people upset for the wrong reasons. It's just not a productive thing to do. You know in your heart where he is and that's all that matters.

Even though what you're going through is completely, 100% normal, there is still something that you need to do. In all likelihood, you have easy access to grief counselors through your school. Talk to someone about how you're feeling and the choices you've been making recently. Breaking up with your boyfriend, even though it wasn't just because of this event, wasn't wrong, but it could be a concern. It's a red flag. You want to make sure that you're okay and that your life isn't going to spiral out of control suddenly. You may feel like you're alright, but it's good to talk to someone just to be sure. Grief counselors are awesome people that have a lot of experience in helping people understand their feelings and do the right things.

You're going through a lot right now. Try not to make any big life changes or decisions for awhile. Even though what you're going through is natural, it's definitely hard to handle. Good luck.

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I'm a 13 year old girl and there's something wrong with my jaw. It's been going on for about a year now. At the beginning, it was just when I chew food or him or whatever it would kinda get stuck if that makes sense. It gets really hard to keep chewing. But last month it started not opening all the way. When I yawn it'll sometimes only let me open halfway so I have to close my mouth and test every few minutes to see if I can open it because I'm afraid that I'll get hurt if I force it. Is there some easy way to fix this or should I ask my parents to take me to a doctor?

It could just be muscle cramps or it could be something very serious. If you do a search online of your symptoms, you'll find a lot of people complaining of the same exact thing. Your parents don't need to take you to the emergency room or anything, but you should explain to them what has been happening, talk about what it could be, and schedule an appointment to get it checked out just in case. Good luck!

http://www.webmd.com/oral-health/guide/temporomandibular-disorders

PS - Don't let the Internet frighten you. Most of the time when you start looking up symptoms online, you end up thinking that you're going to die. It's probably not serious at all.

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how do you burn pics and videos from your camera to a dvd disc so you can view them using your dvd player?

This is a really hard question to answer without knowing what kind of camera and what kind of computer you have. You probably have a program that you can use for this, but different programs are available for different types of computers. Add additional information to your question or ask another question with more information. Windows or Mac? What kind of camera?

You will also need to check to make sure that your disc drive will burn DVD's. Some can't.

http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/determine-whether-your-computer-can-burn-cds-and-d.html

http://support.apple.com/kb/HT1152

The whole thing could be really, really easy, but it's impossible to tell without knowing exactly what you're working with!

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Hi.I am in a relationship with my guy for almost 9 months.We have our ups and downs but now adays , we've been having our downs only.It's like , we had sex 4 months ago and now , we just don't have a place where we can have it.I am absolutely okay with it , but he's all horny and devastated.We've been having so much fights lately.It's just so bad!I just love him so much and he does too.We end up leaving each other after every fight but we get back together and have a fight all over again.I cannot live without him.I try to fix the fights and they do get fixed but we have a fight all over again.I don't trust him anymore.He describes how horny he is every single day but I can't do anything about it.We don't even have privacy when we meet , it's just public places.So we can't really do anything.And his ex lives near his place , she always pops up out of no where and that girl is extremely horny aswell , he doesn't talk to her much and all but lately he has been talking about her a lot.I try to keep my cool but she sent him a text asking him to go at her place to go get some songs and shit with using all the winking emoticons.So I was like "So go to her place ;)" and he just went like "yeah" an then I was like "Have some good sex with her maybe" and he went like "If I tell her she will do so" and it pissed me off so much!I expected a different reaction but I was like wow!and then I went like "If you're trying to make me jealous think what would you have done if I told you something like that regarding one of my ex" and he was like "I was just telling you what she said" and so I didn't answer his text anymore and he just sent me another text saying "Just dont talk to me if you can't behave properly!" I mean like what the hell?!And so later we fixed the fight and I told him what I expected from him and he just went like "I am devastated and horny but I keep calm and I didn't expect you to ask me things like that , I was shocked" and so I told him that "That doesn't even make sense , I don't even trust you anymore!" and we ended up having a fight again.
I don't know what to do.I love him.Mom knows about us , my cousins know.I don't want us to end.But I don't see any options either.

You need to be brutally honest with him. It's not like he wants sex and you don't so you're avoiding it. The two of you cannot find a place and time where sex is possible. He knows that.

What you need to tell him is that he needs to quit telling you how horny he is. Tell him that there's nothing that you can do about it and bringing it up all the time accomplishes nothing. It's making you feel like all he wants you for is sex. If he's so horny all he needs to do is masturbate and stop bothering you about it. Once an opportunity arises for sex to take place, he will be the first to know about it and it will happen. Until then, tell him that he needs to stop talking about it because it is destroying your relationship. There is no reason to bring up his horniness again until there is an opportunity for sex.

If he can't do that or doesn't understand your feelings, I'm here to tell you that he's not interested in you as a person or a partner. He's only interested in you as a body. You're much more than that and you can't allow someone to treat you that way. Sure he's said really nice things to you, but anybody can do that. It takes a person that really cares about you to act like they do, not just say it.

You say that you can't live without him. That's an outrageous statement to make. You certainly can. You have before and you will again if things turn out that way. There's no reason to overdramatize your statements. Yes, it would absolutely crush you and it would hurt for a long time, but you'd be okay.

If he can't respect you by abiding by one little request to stop mentioning how horny he is, he is not a good person to be in a relationship with and your fighting will eventually lead to a very painful breakup. Try to get him to understand that his words are hurting and worrying you and that you'd like to talk about something else for once. How awful it is of him to want to talk about himself all the time? What is your relationship even based on now? Endless conversations about hormones? What a dreamy guy! Ugh.

So, to recap - There's a very simple solution to being horny. He needs to just shut up about it, masturbate as much as he needs to, and wait patiently for the opportunity for sex with you. That should be pretty simple. If it isn't simple, it's over. Good luck.

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So... I have been having this issue going on for some time now. I have been with my boyfriend for a few years and my mom has not liked him for a while. I first thought that it was a phase. Then, I thought she would grow to like him eventually. But, now it is worse than ever. He was away for a few months for something that he needed to do for school. Those months were pure bliss with my mom. I finally remembered what it was like to love my mom again because we weren't butting heads. We were just friends. I'm 23, by the way. I live with my mom and grandparents at the time because I cannot afford to move out. I live in an expensive city and I'm a teacher, so I don't make very much money. I had a plan to move out, etc. when I had some more money just so that I could have peace of mind. But, it's not happening right now... at least for another couple of months. This summer, like I said, my mom and I re-kindled our relationship.

Upon his return, it was like everything I ever saw in him was different. Things that I took as a joke now seemed serious and rude. For instance, today, I was running late or wanted to slightly change our plans and he told me that my mother was a psycho liar and that I should never believe anything she says. PS, he doesn't know how she feels about him. He was just saying so because she was part of the reason I had to change the plans. Then, I told him that we have all had to sacrifice our plans at one point and I gave him the example about how we both left town on my birthday (to the same place) and didn't see each other because he was with his family and I was with mine. He could have chosen to come with me and I could have chosen to go with his family. But, it was my birthday and I wanted to spend it with my family. I was just using it as an example. I wasn't implying anything about it. This was months ago! And he said that it was my fault that he didn't see me because I decided to go with my family. We were in the same city! He could have certainly made an effort to take a cab or even send some flowers to my hotel... i don't know. I'm not saying something huge. Just an effort to know he was thinking of me. I've excused his behavior since I've met him. Now, I look back and see that it wasn't so nice of a thing to do. And before summer, I would have excused this too and say "he's just frustrated." Now I see how quickly his anger escalates and I don't like it.

There have been other situations that have happened in the past. Like, how he got angry at me because I didn't have cash to pay for parking when he had a wallet full of cash. If we've had a difference in political views, he turns bright red in anger and has pushed me away. One time, he was fighting with someone over politics and I thought they were just talking until I walked through the middle to throw something away. They were at a reasonable distance away from each other so it wasn't like I was cutting through them. He got angry both at me and the other person, but grabbed me and bent my thumb to my wrist. It was throbbing till the next day. I have excused it all. It was like I was under some weird spell. And now, I see how wrong it is.

So, this question is going to be broken down into a few pieces. First of all... I wouldn't even know HOW to end it. I feel like I still care. It's not like I'm a ball of fury. It's just that I think that I deserve to be happy. I want to feel loved. And I have felt loved before, so I know the difference. I don't always want to feel scared that I've offended him. And I can only see this getting worse. Imagine... bending thumbs now... how about when we are married? How about by the time we hit a 20 year anniversary? Do you really think it's going to get better? But, it's just hard. It's like I'm not ready... even though I know this is necessary. How can I get over this? What do I do?

Secondly, I have some issues with my mom that need to be addressed too. She turns into a PSYCHO when he's around. When he's not, she's my best friend. When she's around, she wants to throw me out of the house and tells me that she hopes I know that if I'm with him, she will never be a part of my life and she won't want to meet her grandkids. As much as I love my mom, this is unacceptable behavior from a parent. She is in no way providing a safe environment for me to come to her with real issues that a mother is to help her daughter with. Instead, I feel fear. Then, I burst into anger because I get angry at the fact that at 23, I need to live in fear. And then I feel even angrier because if it weren't for financial issues, I would be able to move out. So, it turns into a whole circle.

I don't want to be deciding this for my mom. I just wish someone can extend a hand and just say: "I think this is what you should do." An objective person. Someone who is not in this situation at all. I am crying out for help. Please answer!

I think that a big part of the issue is that you've defended your boyfriend to your mother for so long that it's almost something that has to work out. Now that it isn't working, you feel as if ending it will be giving in to your mom's inappropriate reaction to him, even though it really wouldn't be. You know you're going to get a lot of "I told you so's" and she's going to be happy when you are heartbroken.

The thing is, you have to take your mom out of this entirely. Separate from your mom, the relationship isn't going well on its own. If you choose to stay in the relationship, it would be more because of your mom than choosing to get out of it. An overcorrection of sorts. Because you don't want your mom to have an influence on your decision so badly, she actually will and you'll stay in a relationship that you probably would have otherwise ended if she hadn't been so against it. It's weird when you switch your logic around, isn't it?

Don't stay with this guy because of how you remember him. How you remember him isn't how he is. Even looking back, you're seeing things now that you failed to see before. There were good times and he's a good guy, but it doesn't seem like you're compatible with him long-term. If things are bugging you now, yes, they will big you more later on. A breakup will hurt more later on, too.

The last thing I want to address is your lack of openness. Why didn't you talk about how your mom feels about him? What makes you think that he doesn't know? Maybe he does. People are more perceptive than you think. If you had talked about it, things could've gotten better. Tactful open communication is important in any relationship. Don't tell him about it now because you may be ending things with him soon so there's no point to make him feel worse for no reason. But, it's something that he should have been aware of and that you should consider in any future relationships.

People break up all the time. There doesn't have to be a major betrayal or catastrophic falling out. If more people were honest and were more concerned about avoiding mistakes than about preserving each others feelings, don't you think there would be fewer divorces? Don't let this get worse over time. It will. End the relationship before it gets bad. It will be hard, but for every day that you wait, it gets harder. It seems like he's ready for it to end too, doesn't it? Good luck.

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I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything?

This isn't a criminal matter. Do not go to the police. You sold him pictures, so what are the police going to do? Break into his house and take them back? They can't do that. The pictures are his property because you sold them to him. He can legally do whatever he wants with them now. It's not blackmail at all.

Unless you have a contract in writing with him that a condition of him purchasing the pictures is that he will not share them, there's absolutely nothing that you can do about it, ever. Him saying "yeah, okay" in a chat isn't enough. Even if you do have a legal contract, it might not matter. If and once he does post them online, they're there forever. At that point, it would be a civil matter and you could try going after him for money, but there's little chance that you'd win. You don't need me to tell you that you did something really stupid. You know that it was. A judge would know too.

Are you a minor? If so, contacting the police would be a horrific idea because you could get into trouble for selling child pornography, which is rather serious. Besides the fact that they wouldn't legally be able to get involved, the police have much more serious issues to deal with than someone being upset over the very foreseeable consequences to a really stupid decision.

I am very sorry that this is happening to you. We often don't realize or we choose to ignore the possible consequences of our actions when we're in the moment. Unfortunately, you're not alone. This happens to a lot of people. The laws need to catch up to the times. They haven't yet.

There's a good chance that the guy is bluffing and isn't going to do anything. He's getting off on the power that he thinks he has over you. Take that power away by refusing to send him anything else. If he's really going to put them online, he's going to do it whether you send him more pictures or not. It would be best if there were fewer. Rather than saying "no", come up with a bunch of fake excuses. My camera isn't working, my Internet connection is acting up, I can't get a minute alone, I have the flu, I dropped my phone in the toilet and can't afford a new one for a month, etc. He might lose interest on his own. There's a small chance that you're the only person that he's doing this to and he'll focus his efforts on the others if it starts to be too much effort to get anything from you. Good luck.

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He has a baby on the way by a girl he got pregnant before we set boundaries and he has had money issues and i helped im with him every night and im happy but i just feel,for myself, i need that commitment especially before the child gets here to feel that security and have that commitment..i deal with a lot dating him and this situation and i feel i deserve at least that...but i dont want to feel im forcing anyone to "be" with me..although im always with him, his family knows about me, etc...do i wait it out or stand my grounds about having his all or nothing...

I could tell you that you need to give up on this relationship, move on with your life and never look back and you might even agree with me, but you'll never listen to my advice, which breaks my heart for you. Attempting to make a life with this guy is the wrong thing to do and you know it, but you'll continue trying because the chemicals in your brain are forcing you to even though it's the worst decision in the world. Take a long hard look at your situation and try to see it from a point of reason. You deserve for him to leave you forever because even though it will hurt for awhile now, you will be much, much happier without him than you ever were with him once some time has passed and you get over it. He got a girl pregnant before you set boundaries? I'm pretty sure you shouldn't need to have a direct conversation with someone about how they shouldn't have unprotected sex with other people if they're genuinely interested in you as more than a fling in the first place. You don't want to be with a guy that's going to be that stupid. There's no way the pregnancy was planned and you do not want to be with someone that makes such bad decisions. Unprotected sex? Are you kidding me? If he's having money issues now, how is he going to ever pay child support? You say "I'm with him every night" like that's some sort of win. Don't you think it's a bit pathetic? You deserve for him to dump you and never talk to you again because that would be the best thing for you. You deserve so much BETTER, like a good man that's going to treat you right and he is not one. You have so much loyalty, but you're giving it to a person who doesn't give it back and won't start. He accepts money from you? What a guy! Get the idea of "love" out of your head and make a good decision for yourself. Every good thing that he does for you, you can find someone that can give the same things, but without the pain. You need to require more for yourself. Again though, you're not going to listen to me, so why am I even saying any of this? Like so many before you, you're going to give in to your desperation to be with him because of how you feel when he's awful for you and you know it. Feelings fade, his bullshit will not. When the next guy could make you feel just as good as he does, never make you feel bad, not have to have discussions where you need to prohibit him from participating in behaviors that if he really cared about you he wouldn't even dream of doing, and not have to give him money, you can't choose this. Get out of it NOW, this minute, today, or YOU might get pregnant, get stuck with this loser forever, and spend the rest of your life dreaming about what your life could've been. You asked for advice and there it is. Do with it what you know you need to do, not what you want because even though he is what you want right now, he is not what you need and once you experience someone that is actually right for you, you'll wonder how you could ever have wanted this. I promise, you'll never look back. Good luck.

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My wifi is fine, I've uptaded the app, and I've restarted my phone (I have the samsung 5) and it still won't upload my videos. When I try to do it it try to upload it for a mila second and says it failed again. Another issue is it won't say I have 16 followers. If I click the followers thingie and count it I have 16 but it still says I have 15. I tried emailing instagram but they won't answer. What should I do?

Since nobody has answered this yet, I'll give it a shot. I don't have an instagram account, but I know that oftentimes if you have a questionable internet connection, it can cause issues like this. Try resetting your wifi or attempting to upload a video using someone else's wifi or your data plan if you have one. This seems like the most logical thing that could be wrong. Even though everything appears to be working just fine, uploading a video involves a lot of data being sent through thin air and a slow connection will become an issue. I hope you figure it out, good luck!

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I'm a 14 year old girl and there's a job that I want to have when I'm older and I don't know what it's called or if it's a real job at all. I've always had incredibly strong senses of empathy and sympathy so I'm always wanting to help people. The job I want is going around to different troubles countries and helping those who are starving and need medical help that they can't get in their countries. If obviously be putting myself in very dangerous positions sometimes but I'd rather die young changing the world than die of old age at home after a life of changing nothing. I'd also need to get some kind of doctoral training to get a ton of medical knowledge. Is this actually a career I can pursue?

Absolutely! There are a lot of programs that do just what you're describing. Once you get into medical school, you can talk to your professors to see what kinds of opportunities are out there for you. If you live in the United States, think about joining the Peace Corps. http://www.peacecorps.gov/

It might also be a good idea to talk to your school guidance counselor about your plans. Make sure that you're taking the right classes and performing well enough academically to realize your dream. Even if you can't get into med school, there are other ways to help abroad. Good luck!

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hi people!

im a 19 year old girl & ive only tried anal once. from that experience im terrified to do it again.

when i did it the first time i got a hemorrhoid, disgusting yes i know! & also he cummed in my butt & when he pulled out it made a couple farting sounds but i dont think i farted? im not sure but it was embarrassing & i dont ever want that to happen again!

any suggestions or comments? thanks!

also any suggestions on how to clean your butt out before anal? because you poop there lol, i dont want anything coming out or smelling, sorry i know this sounds very out there! i just need some help!

thanks in advance and sorry about how weird this sounds haha!:)

Why would you be asking for help on how to solve these problems if you had such a bad experience the first time around? Anal isn't your thing. So don't do it. It resulted in you getting a hemorrhoid, that's awful. Don't risk it again. You were humiliated by the sound of air that had been pushed in, coming back out. Knowing that it wasn't a fart doesn't make it any less embarrassing because it still sounds like one. This is going to happen when you do anal and can't really be avoided. You're worried about how clean it is in there because you don't want anything coming out or smelling. People that participate in and enjoy anal are not worried about this. Clearly, you aren't into anal. There is no reason for you to do it.

This brings me back to my question. Why would you be asking for help on how to solve these problems if you had such a bad experience the first time around? Someone is asking you to try it, right? Some guy really wants you to do it for him. Well, the answer to all your problems is to just explain to him that you're not into it. Explain that you tried it once, had a bad experience, didn't like it, and that was enough for you. Do not do this just to make him happy. You may be willing to, but even if you are, it's not the right thing to do. No part of a sexual encounter should be a sacrifice. Both people should enjoy all parts of everything that the two of you choose to do. Otherwise, it's just bad sex and sets you up for being pressured and having your generosity taken advantage of or stretched too far in the future. If this guy is worth anything, he's not going to care if you don't want to do anal. He might want to try it, but he'll certainly live without it. I'd prefer it if my husband would trim his pubic hair better than he does, but he doesn't want to and it's his body to decide that for. I really don't care about it that much and I respect what he wants to do. It's really that simple. Your need to please needs to end.

If you don't have a boyfriend asking to do this with you, I apologize for assuming so. In this case, my answer is still essentially the same. Anal isn't your thing. Don't worry about it. Communicate this to your partner and everything will be fine. BOTH of you will be happier if you do. Trust me. :) Good luck!

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I'm 13 and I know that all teenagers have acne but I have an unusual amount. My denatiligist have me a cream but it's not helping. I clean my face with a gently soap and cloth in the morning and evening then pay it dry with a towel, use the cream my dermatologist gave me, and pull my hair out of my face. Even after all of this my face is oily again a few minutes later. With seven kids, my parents really can't afford any of those special soaps. What can I do? Are there any home remedies that really work? Oh, and the acne is in my forehead, chin, and cheekbone area if it matters.

If you've seen a dermatologist, see him/her again! If the cream that you were given isn't working, there are often stronger concoctions or different kinds that might work. I would imagine that it's very rare that the first thing that you try is going to be perfect. Let the dermatologist know what happened and that cost is an issue. Remember that if your family has health insurance, something that the dermatologist prescribes to you should be covered by your insurance and won't cost your family very much at all. If you go out on your own and try to find something in a store, you're going to have to pay full price and you're going to have less of an idea of what might work. Definitely go back to the dermatologist one or two more times before giving up on this person's help. He/she an expert and will be able to help you more than anyone else. Good luck!

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My boyfriend had sex with me yesterday and it was my first time doing it he didnt pop my"cherry" and today I feel sick and my stomach was bouncing, what does it mean? And can I still get pregnant if my "cherry" isn't popped?

This "cherry" that you speak of is a bunch of nonsense. There isn't something in you that "pops". You may bleed your first time if your partner isn't cautious because of stretching and tearing, but nothing in that area "pops" open. Your vagina is already open. There is no such thing as a "cherry". If your boyfriend's penis entered your vagina, you have a chance of becoming pregnant.

Sometimes, people are referring to the hymen when they are talking about a cherry. The hymen is a completely different thing though. Some very young girls have a membrane covering most of their vaginal opening. If you've had your period before and blood has come out, your hymen is not completely covering your vaginal opening, which means that your vagina is open and you can become pregnant from sexual contact. The hymen can be torn open a bit larger when you are a child as a result of normal human activities such as running, biking, and horseback riding. Your hymen doesn't pop when you have sex for the first time. If you are healthy and have had your period before, your hymen already has an opening in it, so there is nothing blocking sperm from traveling into your body.

It was very foolish of you to have sex without protection and I'm sure that you know that. Do not allow anyone to convince you to do something unsafe ever again and never just "go with the flow" because you don't want to ruin the mood or hurt someone's feelings. Even if you're a shy or quiet person, you must speak up when it comes to things like this because it's your body and your life that are most at risk. The next time you have a question as important as this, find out the answer before participating in a risky behavior.

Feeling sick and your stomach "bouncing" are probably just a result of you being nervous and over thinking things. We become more aware of ourselves when we think about it. For example, whenever you start to think about breathing, you become very aware of it when just a second ago, it was happening automatically without a conscious thought from you. These things are not related to your sexual encounter.

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Ok so I have became and extremely needy girl towards the guy I love we have only been a thing for like 4 months in the beginning everything was good then i took things way too serious i text him all the time and always ask him if we can hang out... he knows he has me whenever he wants so he takes advantage of it..if i back off and stop texting him and let him make the moves will this keep him more intersted?

Be careful backing off too quickly. If you all of a sudden stop texting him all the time and asking to hang out, it might concern him. You don't want him thinking that something is wrong, you're cheating on him, or you're not interested in him anymore. It is important for you to give him some space though. Not to keep him interested, but to keep him from getting annoyed. If he's interested, he's interested and if he's not, he's not. By being "needy" you run the risk of annoying him to the point where even if he is interested in you, he won't feel like he can be with you because he doesn't have enough space. What you need to do to get the situation under control is tell him that you feel like you're being needy and you want to try to stop texting him as much as you do. That way, you're backing off like you need to and he knows why. Good luck!!

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So, I recently graduated in December with my bachelors in education. I never really wanted to pursue teaching. I wanted to go into either counseling or administration. But, I needed to make ends meet with the degree I had and I had to take on this assistant teaching job. Mind you, I did not sign a contract for the year. I signed a payment contract (that said how much I would get paid for the year) and then I signed a paper about upholding the school's standards. I have worked in schools before. But, this by far is one of the most exhausting jobs I have ever had. I get there at 8am (not too early), but, those of you who are teachers know that unlike other jobs, you don't really ease into your mornings. You have to go right away. Lunch is from 11-11:20, but we eat with the kids. I don't have a break all day. Since I'm an "assistant," I have to travel with the kids to each and every class. At lunch, I find myself scarfing down my food because I need to take people to the bathroom, get water, etc. The special area teachers expect me to do the majority of the work. Most of them don't do anything. They think the whole day is a vacation. I have them all day. I don't mind staying in the class while they are in art/spanish/science.... but, do I really have to manage their behavior? It is truly exhausting. Every time that children misbehave, it is your fault. If you happen to just have a rowdy one in your class, be prepared for all of the blame to go on you. I come home SO exhausted. I haven't washed my hair in days because of how tired I am when I get home. I can't even enjoy my life after 4:00 because of how tired I am. I don't mean to sound like a whiner.I know that no job is easy. I've been working since I was 16. My first job was at a nursery. Since then, I've worked in an office setting (throughout college) and then an after-care program. This is the worse and most tiring job that I have ever had in my life. I'm not saying that teaching is like this in any other school. I really don't know. It might be. But, this experience in particular is just the worse. This job is just pure torture. It is also a very small school and with such a small faculty, they have people doing extra things. It's just too much. This is not for me. Out of all the jobs I have had, I have enjoyed the office setting the most. Yes, there were days when I was tired. Yes, there were days when we had a ton of work and I was stressed. But, it was nothing like this. I was able to sit and eat lunch (even on those heavy duty days) and believe it or not, 20 minutes of quiet time at lunch (watching netflix, reading a book) made a HUGE difference. I went back to my work a different person. I come back more tired from lunch than the way I came in now! At the same time, the work is also boring and not challenging... just exhausting. All I do is grading and classroom management. Managing a group of kindergarteners for 7 hours a day is extremely difficult. It's strenuous on the body but not challenging to the mind. I use to have hobbies. I use to come home from work and write, read, exercise, cook! Now, I don't even have dinner because I'd rather just go to sleep. Even though I would leave work an hour later, I still had the physical energy to do all the things I loved.

Now... it is wonderful that I didn't sign a contract obligating me to stay. But, I would feel horrible just quitting out of the blue. It's not like anyone has been mean to me or that the people are difficult. The people are beyond nice, the children are great, etc. Plus, we JUST started school. But, this is already affecting my health. I'm willing to send out some applications to institutions that may take a while to respond (like hospitals, universities, etc.) Bigger places. Because that gives me some more time. It's not like I'm thinking of starting at a new job tomorrow (although I wish I could). But, you know what I mean! :). In the event that I would get offered a job elsewhere and I would be making more money and have a more positive health change (right now my salary is $21,000 a year), what can I say? I can't just quit by absence because the people have been very nice to me or quit unexpectedly. When I was in college, I tried retail and 1 week into working, one of the shift managers asked me if I was stupid because she wanted me to walk into a dressing room with a customer and I said I wasn't comfortable). I quit unexpectedly at that moment. They begged for my forgiveness and asked me to come back... but the university had offered me a job as part of a scholarship. But... those people were rude. It wasn't like I didn't like the job or whatever... but, I was disrespected and that was reason enough to quit. But, here, I don't really have a reason to quit other than I don't like the job. I"m not bound to the job because they could find someone else to replace me. I'm just an assistant. But, how can I break the news nicely in the event that I do find another job?

Thank you for reading this far!!
Cristy

Talk to your union (if you have one) and get a copy of your contract. It doesn't sound like your schedule would comply with it. There are rules and laws and agreements in place that prevent a schedule with no breaks. Having a break and not being able to use it is an issue that your union can definitely help you with. If this isn't the case or it doesn't solve your problem, don't worry too much about leaving. People leave jobs at schools all the time for all kinds of reasons. There are a million reasons that you can come up with like you found a job closer to home, you've been offered a great opportunity someplace else, you'll come up with something. Don't feel bad at all about leaving if that's what you need to do. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that things get better for you soon!

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