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Getting Rid of a Crush
F/18. I have been thinking way too much about my old English professor and I think I might have some weird crush on him. I try to avoid anywhere he's at and it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Usually when I like someone I tend to be shy and, as mrntioned before, I avoid any contact. I'm doing that even though he doesn't give me class anymore. He's about nine to ten years older than me and he told my class once that he actually had an “unrequited" crush. In case you're wondering, I would never attempt to be in a relationship with a professor even if the age difference wasn't major. Its not that I don't have an open mind, I just feel that it would be... just plain weird. He's a really nice guy - in case you're wondering, he's not a charmer or anything like that. I guess that's what I found attractive; he's considerate, funny, and generally one of those nice people you just can't hate no matter what. That's the problem. I usually look for flaws or reasons to dislike the person I like... but its not working so far. In fact today I saw him out of the corner of my eye and I literally just took a different path simply so I would not pass by him - he still passed by me and I hope to God he doesn't remember me at all. So... anyone have any thoughts? How can I get over this quickly without falling into depression or any crap like that? I already have hypothyroidsm, I have enough hormonal problems to put up with for a crush to be added.
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Unfortunately, there's not much that you can do. The feelings will go away with time, but it could take a lot of time, and time away, where you haven't seen him for like a year. I've had weird crushes before and they can be so flippin persistent. Just when you think you're over the person, you just happen to see them one day and your stomach starts back-flipping all over again. One thing that you can do about this is change the way you think about it. Don't see it as a burden, see it as a guiding light. What I mean is, you've found someone that you'd certainly never date, but is a great model in many ways for what you do want in a person. Knowing what you want and what kind of person that you want to be with is very, very valuable. You're lucky, not everyone can see things in this way. This annoying little crush could possibly prevent you from making stupid dating decisions in the future. There's no reason for this to cause you any anxiety. Take charge over your feelings. You've acknowledged what you feel, but you can't move past it until you've accepted it. Try not to take yourself so seriously and try to look at it from a place of humor. Think of it as "funny" how much this is throwing you off. I would imagine that every single person in the world has this same issue. Is there anyone that you can confide in that will laugh with you? It's all in how you handle it that determines whether or not this takes over your life and causes you anxiety or whether you can laugh about how silly you are after you see him and run away. I know you were probably looking for a really specific answer, but there just isn't one. Sorry to say that this is a part of life that has to just go away on its own. In the meantime, try to enjoy it rather than fear it. Good luck!
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This starts at puberty and will follow you through life. At your age it is very normal to be looking at any males that catch your attention and age doesnt matter, it can be family, neighbors, teachers, friends of your parents as well. What you are automatically doing is following a natural instinct that females of the animal kingdom have been doing for a long time, checking out and evaluating the male to see if he would make a good male to mate with. Humans have more specific reasons why they look and then have crushes. It also doesn't have to involve a full blown crush as some men you find yourself admiring are taken or not capable, being married, already dating or gay.
What will help you to not feel so bad about your feelings and see it as a natural thing is to take the proper response in these circumstances...which is:
Study the person hard to be able to put in words, in a journal, or a document on your computer, a list of pros and con's about guys of what you have interest and a desire for and what you do not want. So maybe it's his self confidence that jumps out at you, along with a winning smile, easy going, laid back type of personality with a great sense of humor. List those all out. I am serious. I did this in my forties to find my second husband. I wish someone had told me this when I was 19 because I had no idea of what I wanted so the first guy who asked, I married at age 20 and it was a disaster.
Watch couples in public, maybe even girls dating at school. How do you see their boyfriend/husband treating the girl. If you witness a guy belittling his girl in front of others, he's inconsiderate and unwise with his words and not a caring person. If you hear a guy call his wife an idiot. That's a guy who is verbally abusive and if he makes a big deal of telling others how the girl falls short in his eyes, he is seeking to purposely hurt her and shame her. Again, these are actions that don't come from a guy who truly loves you. YOu get the idea I am sure.
Remember that there isn't just ONE guy with the traits and attributes that attract you making you crush on him. When you realize you are simply being forced by nature to begin sembling an idea of what the perfect boyfriend or future husband is, this is a very important matter. So you take it seriously too. Do you want kids some day? Is your religious belief or lack of it important to you. If agnostic, you might not want to be involved with a Christian who believes your soul is in danger of Hell and wanting to convert you to his beliefs which become an even stronger desire to do to you if he has fallen in love with you. Love or not, that's one area it wouldn't work. If there are too many others, then he won't be a good prospect at all because the constant irritation of differences will eventually break up a relationship or cause one to cheat if they don't want to break up.
At your age, I found things I admired in men usually older than me, even up to senior citizens. Sometimes I crushed on a guy, other times I just admired what I saw in them. Once I was married, it didn't stop me seeing a guys looks as very attractive, feeling chemistry just being in their presence. This has been the sexual arousing thing. Hubby had a friend over and I found myself thinking all of a sudden of wanting to touch his hair, play with it as I passed his chair. The impulse was so strong that I was afraid I would do it. I had to run and hide in another room until he was gone. Like yourself, run and hide, and I was Married! But it wasn't a Happy marriage, hooked to a guy very wrong for me. So that instinct in a case like that will keep on working no matter how old you get, until you find that Mr. Right for you. And yes, we all have our faults and odd habits but those things should irritate in a relationship if he meets everything on your list or close to it.
Work with your list often. Something you thought important before you may not think so as you grow and mature as a person. You will refine your list until you have 10 criteria (at the most) that are a must have to you. I had 7. But some of those, when describing a characteristic covered a whole lot of things like being kind and complimenting, building me up with words, no tearing down or belittling as I had before, no voice raised to me in anger and very communicative. That can be covered in "I want a guy whose is good at communicating and its always done in positive ways. Then all thats left when you do meet someone who is available and shows interest in you, is to stick with your list and not settle for less.
Your frame of mind in how you think about your crushing and how you use the situation to your benefit with starting this list, will take the focus off of it as something uncomfortable or wrong or awkward and I believe you will be able to comfortably handle being around him without feeling you have avoid or escape. At least, it has worked for me.
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