I have a B.A. in Psychology, an Associate's in Private Investigation/Security and currently am studying dream interpretation through the International Association of the Study of Dreams. I have been happily married for 13 years and have 3 boys. For as long as I can remember I am the person that everyone goes to for advice, whether it be friends, family or co-workers. Let me help you with your life choices and problems!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: stay at home mom
Age: 39
Member Since: October 22, 2015
Answers: 17
Last Update: December 9, 2015
Visitors: 2966
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I'm a college student who currently works as a nanny. I've been a nanny for the same family for about a year now and I've really enjoyed working for the Mom and really care about her, her son and pets. She pays me really well for not having to work very much and it's been perfect for my school schedule.
Before this I'd worked at several other places in either retail management positions or graphic design, but none of them worked out. Although I'm a good worker and very intelligent (straight A honors roll student) I've had a hard time with my past job positions. At my first job I did very well and was promoted to management in less than six months, but was forced to quit when I came down with a lung infection that caused me to be hospitalized for a while and took me some time to get back on my feet.
After that job affairs just went kind of south. I took three different retail positions, where I did well at the first, but was laid off six months into it. The second and third jobs I really had a difficult time with. I never seemed to know what I was supposed to be doing and when I requested further training, management at both places acted as though they didn't have time. I would wind up doing my job duties incorrectly due to this and would make myself look bad. The second job I was fired from after three months after I asked some coworkers to help teach me what to do (after requesting it from management and never getting it) and they taught me to do things incorrectly to get me in trouble. I wound up finding this out later on (from a neighbor who also worked there) and that it was because they felt like I was taking their hours.
The third job I was hired on for management and things started out well. Basic tasks were explained to me efficiently and I grasped them right away but then the more intricate (and also important) tasks would be skipped over as the manager didn't seem to want to train me in them or two other managers who were also hired on and quit quickly after. I hung in there but things just got worse, as people constantly quit I was left with more and more tasks to fulfill and just couldn't do it all. I started being held responsible for moving very heavy furniture and decor up and down ladders and onto displays and walls. I'm a very petite female that weighs less than 100 pounds so moving furniture was difficult for me and I was scared to death every time I had to climb an XL ladder to put things away in the attached warehouse on shelves that were 50 feet high. I quit after four months and lots of sprained ankles, swollen knees and cuts on my hands.
The next job was a web design job and I felt I did well there, but the job bored me to death and I wound up getting laid off three months into it after the company's profits took a nose dive and they let go of half the staff.
Then I got my current job which is my favorite job and much less stressful than the previous jobs I took. I love being a nanny and I feel like part of the family as we're all very close.
Here comes the bad part: I'm transferring from my current small college to my dream school in a month, which is several hours away. I'm ecstatic to have been accepted and have also received a nice scholarship that will help with some of the expenses. I haven't told the Mom I nanny for yet as I still need a job (as I have a car payment and insurance to pay) and I loathe the idea of having to find another seeing as how badly my past jobs have gone. I've been waiting as well just in case something falls through and I wind up not being able to go. I want to at least keep this job until the end of the month to save up as much money as I can, but by not telling her I'm taking away time she could be using to find a new nanny. If I do tell her I realize she'll be hiring on somebody new and I'll probably lose out on the money I could have saved up until the point I move. I don't want to be selfish though and leave her high and dry by keeping this job until the very list minute.
I don't think I can continue working for her after I move. It's just too long of a distance and even if I made the drive I don't think I'm going to be available for multiple day stays like I can do now (as I go to school and live locally to her so I just stay at her home and then leave to go to school for a few hours and then come back). I'm also taking on a double major in January so my work load is going to be crazy. I'm also afraid I won't be able to find anything in my new city or at least nothing before bills start coming due, in which case I'll need this job...augh what do I do?! (link)
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Hi there! Congrats on going to the school of your dreams! I understand your dilemma. Of course you cannot keep this job since you will be so far away. It will not be convenient for the mom. For any job, the right thing to do is to give at least 2 weeks notice. But I know what its like to be a mom and how hard it is to find good child care. I think that you should give at least 1 month notice to give this mom enough time to find another great nanny such as yourself. If you have done good work for her and she likes you, she is not going to fire you. She NEEDS you. If you give her only a two week notice or no notice, she is going to feel deceived, hurt, and you will leave her in a jam. You are going to need her to make recommendations for future jobs. Do not burn your bridges. When you come out of college and are looking for your dream job, you don't want negative feedback regarding your previous jobs to hurt your chances of getting hired. So this is what I would do. Good luck telling your boss and good luck in school!!!!
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Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this. (link)
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Hi there! I am so sorry that you are going through such a hard and confusing time right now. First thing I want to address is the boyfriend. People come into our lives to teach us lessons for us to learn. And when we are done learning from them, we can feel in our heart that it is time for us to leave. I think that is what is going on with you. I feel that you are ready to move on with your boy friend and your heart is urging you forward. Always honor your feelings. They are never wrong.
As for the guy friend, I'm glad that he is there to make you feel better and make you laugh but make sure he is not a rebound or an excuse to leave your boyfriend, because you will eventually hurt him once you get back on your feet.
Regarding the depression, do you know why you are depressed? Are you seeing a therapist or on medication? Depression comes from the feeling that we are not in control of our lives or our feelings. It is defined by "anger turned inward." We cant control everyone else, but we can control ourselves. Figure out why you are depressed and control what you can. Are you uninspired? Do you need to find a purpose? Find things that you love to do and make you happy. Is it your home life? Do what you can to stay busy and you will be 18 before you know it. Go out with friends and confide in them when you need to let it all out. Find the fun in everything that you. And when that all does not work, look to your higher power. Going back to spirituality is a big factor in people's happiness. Honor your feelings and love yourself. Good luck to you!
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When I was around the age of 10 I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but I'd say I've had it all my life. Every year it got worse, when I was 12 I had my first panic attack and ever since I've had them badly. I am now 16 and I can't leave the house because of my anxiety and panic attacks. I just feel so alone and hopeless and I don't know what to do, I was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice for how to get through anxiety. Thanks in advance!! (link)
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I am so sorry that you are dealing with anxiety. I have had anxiety all of my life and dealing with it is an ongoing process. My anxiety stems from my relationship with my mother. She was a very fearful woman and would impose her fears onto me. I use to see a great therapist who helped me immensely. She helped me see the reality of the situation. It is important to go back to when the anxiety started. What was going on in your life at 10 years old? Find a different way to look at the situation. Knowledge is power. To help in the present, do your research into relaxation techniques such as meditation, yoga, chakra healing, tapping etc.... I do meditation and chakra healing and it has helped me so much. Anxiety stems from overthinking the future. What "might" happen. Try to keep yourself in the present moment as much as you can. There is a great quote that I have heard, "The worst things that have happened to me were in my head." God bless!
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I can't stand my life anymore I'm so depressed. I feel like my family hates me and everyone else hates me I just don't feel loved at all. Because of this I I ran away from home but then got caught and I'm annoyed about that because I just wanted to get away from my life and start over but now im back to where I started.. Me and this guy we were so close to dating but then suddenly he just friend zoned me and it really hurt my feelings coz he made me feel special and good about my self and was the only thing that made me happy in my life now I have nothing , I havnt gone a night with out crying my self to sleep somtimes I feel like I'm better of dead but I'm scared of death so I could t do that
How can I make my self happy (link)
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I am so sorry you feel lost and depressed. I have been there, believe me. First thing I want to tell you is that you do not need the love and approval of all of those other people to feel good about yourself. You need to look within and find what makes you happy. People become depressed when they lose sight of their purpose in life and become uninspired. You are here for a reason and you have special gifts that you need to offer the world. Go within and figure out what makes you happy. Is there a certain career path that you've always been curious about? Is there a hobby that you love to do? Is there a class you've always wanted to take? The cure for depression is action. Move your body and do something that you love to do! You have a lot to offer the world and you do not need outside validation. You only need your own love and acceptance. Go find your bliss!!!! God bless.
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I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help. (link)
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I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Love is hard and complicated and doesn't always go the way we think it should.
What pops into my head when I read this is that you were not sure about this guy and you acted on that feeling. Sometimes when it comes to love our head tries to tell us all the logical reasons why we should be with someone but our heart knows that its not what we want. You sabotaged this relationship for yourself on purpose. Your feeling was to get your life together first (which is very mature)and to not be in a serious relationship. When you talked things over with another guy and felt like you cheated, that was your true self sabotaging the relationship. If this guy had been your soul mate your head and your heart would have been perfectly aligned. You would of had no doubts in the first place. You need to go with your first instinct to take care of yourself first. There was a reason you felt that way. Your intuition was telling you that this guy was not for you. Do not doubt what you feel.
And now that this guy is not interested any more tells me that he may not have been as into you as he thought. He would not of let some guy friend of yours get in the way. Forgive yourself because you did what was right for you whether you know it or not. Focus on your future and figure out who you are and what you want before getting into a serious relationship. When we find happiness within ourselves first everything else falls into place. Good luck and god bless!
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Is it normal to talk to myself?
Sometimes when I am doing homework, particularly when I am just starting a task, I talk to myself...just little things like "so how shall we start?" or "what's next" or "okay, let's.....".
Also, a lot of times if I am doing math, I talk myself through each and every step: "now we multiply by two" "oh look! that works!" "how do we go on from here?...." One of my friends described it like I have a bunch of little men in my head telling me what to do. I don't feel that way, I don't feel like my head is messed up. She didn't mean it that way either, just to clarify.
Anyways, I am wondering, is it normal for me to do that? Can I talk to myself when I'm doing stuff? (link)
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Believe me, I talk to myself all of the time. It might just be how you reason or problem solve. You just need to hear it to figure it out. A different angle I can give you is people who operate out of their throat chakra tend to talk to themselves more. Your throat chakra is the energy center of communication and creativity. So those are probably strengths of yours. I say don't worry about it and don't change a thing if it works for you. I would just make sure you are alone when you do it. You wouldn't want to be annoying people at work or home. Lol.
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I never had a boyfriend in my life and time goes by fast..... How do I get a boyfriend? ......... (link)
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My question is why do you think you have never had a boyfriend? Second, how old are you? If you are younger, such as teens or early twenties, ask yourself why this is so important to you right now? Because while you are young, it is so important to date yourself first. Focus on your career, hobbies, and going out with friends. While you are enjoying life and keeping busy you will attract the right man for you.
If you are older and confident in yourself, then maybe you need to get out more. Go to places where you can meet guys that would be your type and then be open to them approaching you. Trust me, if you are sitting in a nice restaurant by yourself looking your best, a guy will not be able to resist coming up to you. Guys are more intimidated when you are with a group of chicks.
Once you start dating, if you want the relationship to become serious, do not have sex with the guy for a couple of months and once you are sure he has feelings for you. You can tell by the things he does and how he makes you feel. If you have sex before he develops an attachment to you then the relationship is going to be short lived. Guys lose interest real quick when they get what they want too soon.
All in all, it is important in life to find our love inward instead of looking for outside gratification. Once we do that, everything else falls into place. Good luck!!!
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We are hosting a potluck for turkey day. the person who wanted to do this is a vegetarian, and then my boss said we all have to participate (yet, i normally dont involve myself in these activities, but since i must) ive decided to make dressing. Do I have to go out of my way to accommodate a vegetarian
co-worker?
(link)
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My sister is vegetarian and it becomes a kind of issue every year for the holidays. So I completely understand this situation. Lol. Since it is a potluck, the vegetarian will probably make something themselves that is vegetarian so they know there is something they can eat. I wouldn't worry about accommodating them since there should be multiple things to choose from. But if you feel the need, you can make two different types of dressing. One vegetarian and one not. But I wouldn't sweat it if you don't have the time or if its too much work. Vegetarians are usually very prepared when they have to eat at different places.
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How to grow in career (link)
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If you want to grow in your career you need to become an "expert" at what it is. Read and watch everything you can about the topic. Read about professionals who succeeded before you. Search online or go to the library. Be the first one to show up at the office and the last one to leave. It is also important to develop a relationship with the people above you. Take an interest in them and pick their brains. They paved the way before you and will probably have some great advice. And it is good to have connections in high places. They will think of you first for promotions or recommendations. Do at least one thing towards your career everyday. Think of your career as your calling. It will inspire you forward. Good luck!
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While my boyfriend is eating me out, my legs and my arms and everything go tingly and I cant control my body and I want to close my legs. Am I about to orgasm or what? Why does it make me want to close my legs? (link)
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It sounds like you are about to orgasm. The wanting to close your legs could either be that he is pushing too hard with his tongue and its too many sensations at once or you are pulling back in the moment out of fear. The trick is to relax into it and let the sensations run all over your body. If you think he is being a little rough then let him know to be more gentle. I hope this helps.
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Me and my ex broke up twice and then last year april we started speaking again almost everyday and hanging out once or twice on a monthly basis and yes we do have sex but recently he just stopped speaking to me and i dont know why,sometimes he would just text me randomly asking how iv been and if im alive eventhou i text hm so much he would rhow up unexpectedly...but this past week ive been texting him alost everyday but he just dont want to reply back to me i even phoned hm but he didnt answer..a few weeks ago when i saw him he told me he likes being around me he just dnt like how clingy iv gotten cause his not keen on clingy...He ignores me like i dont exist anymore and i dont know what i did wrong and i dont know what to do..any advice? iv decided to stay away from him and make myself vanish from him like he never knew me..I dont mean to seem clingy and i dont mean to bombard him with all those texts everyday,i just want to speak to him...do u think his silence and ignoring me is his way of saying leave hm alone and move on,im done and bored of you cause you are clingy..do you think he will show up again and speak to me again wheneva..today i msgd him saying im sorry for always texting hm so much i dnt mean to im just ona other trip and i feel really bad and stuff and i hope hes not mad or anythng..i thought he wouldv replied but he just read it so now i havent heard from him for a week now..isit my fault that he dnt wana speak to me anymore cause i seem clingy lately and iv pushed hm away cause its a turn off...im just worried cause this is the longest he hapnt spoken to me and i dnt knw why im being so ignored..i dont knw what to do anymore,.if i distant myslf and stop texting him do u think he wil show may..im so confused (link)
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He is basically using you for sex. He disappears during times he has found someone else. When that person doesn't work out? He goes looking for you again. Women become clingy when we know a guy is not with us and we are trying to hold onto something that is not working. I would stop giving this guy the time of day. You don't need him and there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Fill your time with friends, hobbies, and moving forward in your career. The right guy will come along when you are happy and busy.
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During my last year of school, when everyone else was revising for their exams and preparing for university, I was spending all of my time reading fanfiction. Suddenly, it's August 2014 and I've managed to get into university despite intentionally sabotaging three of my exams because I didn't have the guts to tell my parents I had no desire to go to uni in September.
For six months I dragged myself to uni everyday to go to classes for a degree I didn't want to do. Whilst my classmates were making notes and asking questions, I was doodling (despite my total lack of artistic prowess) and staring blankly out of the window. Eventually I started willing myself to be sick so I had an excuse not to show up for class. Slowly, I stopped attending and instead spent my days hidden under my winter duvet pondering my pitiful existence and why I felt so unfulfilled. I was easily spending four hours a day doing nothing but watching the ceiling.
So, after a year of this torture I dropped out. It's been seven months since I left and I still feel immensely unhappy. I have a Saturday job but that's it since no one is hiring where I live and I can't yet drive to apply anywhere else. So what do I do? I occasionally think about going back to university to do a different degree but I can't decide what, and I don't want to end up on another course that I don't enjoy. Despite what my family think, I don't want to spend all my time in bed thinking about the futility of life but that's all I feel capable of right now. I try drag myself out of this pit but then I blink and I've spent five hours face down on the floor because I just couldn't get up. Everything feels pointless but I don't want it to feel that way. I want to find something I love and to go out and chase it. I want to got to uni or get a job and be happy but I don't know what will make me happy, and I can't afford to not know (student finance won't pay for me to mess up again). So I suppose my question is, what next? How do I work out my next step? How do I find the thing that makes me happy? What do I do with my life? How do I stop everything feeling so meaningless? (link)
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You are depressed because you are not on your path. It sounds to me like you have been denying yourself and doing what other people want for so long that you forgot who you are and what you want. You need to go inward and do some serious, hard, honest self reflection. Sometimes it helps to go back to the beginning. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you have dreams as a child? What are you good at? Do you have any hobbies? Is there any subject that you are obsessed with? How can you incorporate all these answers into a career? You were born with a purpose and that purpose is to use your gifts that God gave only you to help others. How can you serve?
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Hi, is he looking for my reaction to his behaviour or what, i do know for sure that he likes me and we flirt well more like teasing but he can be quite mean to me. we're friends. my question is when a guy says, 'she likes me' could that mean other way around just to see my reaction saying if i like him?
Guys view, please (link)
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I agree with Dragonfly. Friends are not mean to friends. And the old saying, "If he's mean to you, he likes you" does not fly with me. If he does like you, it doesn't matter. He probably wont get that much nicer to you or may treat you well for a while and then show his true self. Run far, far away. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect from a man.
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I always research my dreams as I am a big believer that there's reasons and meanings behind them. However, I keep having dreams of my ex boyfriend, it's most likely my subconscious mind because I do miss him, but the dreams are really odd. Not only is he in my dreams, but they are so weird. I have had 2 dreams of where I have seen a picture of him with another girl but the pictures are blurry so I can't make out who she is but then last night I had a dream of seeing a photo of him, his auntie and his dad, they all looked the same apart from him, he was old with a gray, stubbly beard. I've searched all over the Internet but I can't get an answer, can anyone interpret this? (link)
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Hey there! I do some dream interpreting so I will help you out the best way that I can. Only the dreamer can know for sure the meaning of a dream. I can only try to offer suggestions and you will know if it fits. If you are dreaming of your ex, it definitely means that the you have unresolved issues or conflicts. Your subconscious mind wants you to work these out and you may not be able to move on until you do. You are seeing pictures of your ex because your subconscious mind wants you to "see" the truth. The pic with the other girl is your mind telling you that he has moved on. The picture of him being old is telling you that he is "old news." Not sure what the aunt or the dad could mean. Some questions you want to answer regarding the dream are: What do I want in the dream? What is the conflict? And what is the solution being shown to me? I feel that your dreams are telling you to move on from this guy. Don't wait around for him. There is a saying I recently heard, "God's rejections are God's protection." There is a reason it did not work out. Every ex-boyfriend is another step closer to our perfect mate. In the meantime, do things that make you happy, spend time with friends, and do something that you've always wanted to do. Nurture and love yourself. God bless.
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Okay well I guess my topic is self explanatory. I am confused on my sexuality. I am a 19 year old girl and it seems like everyone around me knows their sexuality. It frustrates me that I still haven't figured it out yet. I have liked boys my whole life or at least I thought so until I met this girl who I completely fell for when I was 17. The feelings were more intense for this girl. Nothing I had ever felt for a boy before. Now I am currently in deep like with this other girl. It seems like my feelings for girls seem to intensify and as far as boys it's more of a "oh he's kinda cute" type of deal. I was wondering if you can give me advice on how I can find out who I am? I'm just so confused and I wish I knew so I could try the dating life, but I want to figure myself out first before I do so. Any suggestions? Thanks (link)
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You are at an age that sexual exploration is normal and common. It seems like you are enjoying being with a woman right now and that is fine. Go with what makes you feel good and free. Have fun and not worry about answering any questions at this moment. You will figure it out.
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I am having a difficult time getting out of what I think is a rut. I feel depressed. I am happily married to an amazing man, my high school sweet heart. My husband is in the military and is often gone. Recently 5 friends moved to the state we live in and lived with us for too long, almost a year to be exact. They now cut all communication with us which we honestly don't mind as they really upset us for the fact that they did not respect us or our home. Anyways I feel that my depression comes from knowing I will be alone once again. I am completely not motivated for anything. I been battling my weight for 3 years and I reach my goal but then I binge when my husband comes home from deployments and I gain the weight back. I'm often comparing myself to others. I am too trusting. I need help. I feel like I may be bipolar I am extremely happy at times and other times I just bawl my eyes out for no specific reason.. I don't know whats wrong with me, I don't know what to do. (link)
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I am so sorry you have been going through a rough time. It is hard when a spouse is away a lot and I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to someone in the military.
Also, your friends were not very good people to do that to you. Be grateful they showed you who they are and good riddens to them. When you get rid of negative people in your life it opens the door to more positive people. Better friends will come.
I agree with adviceman and it would be a good idea to seek out therapy. It feels really good to be able to talk to an objective party about your problems.
I also think you need a purpose. One cure for depression is moving your body. Get out and do something. While your husband is away it might be good to fill your time with things that you like to do. Take some classes, play a sport or volunteer. Use your talents to help others. When you are down it feels good to put your energy outward and lift others up. You may also make some new friends in the process.
You have to find your happiness within yourself and not depend on your husband and your friends to give it to you. When in doubt always look to your higher power for help and have faith. This too shall pass...
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22/f, 28/m
I'm upset. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and it has always bothered me about the amount that he has traveled. We do have communication and trust issues that we're trying to rebuild (due to his past mistakes), and we're going to our first couples therapy on Wednesday. However, I'm debating on whether or not to go at this point.
My boyfriend travels at least once a month. It's for both business and for travel for his fraternity (not college fraternity). Recently, I told my boyfriend that I felt that he travels too much. When he's back, he works during the day, comes back home, uses the restroom for 20-30 minutes, comes to bed and wants alone time for awhile, leaving me only 20 minutes of his undivided attention with him.
He told me today that he won't be here on Valentine's Day. He told me that it's because his fraternity brother is being ordained as a minister on Valentine's Day. I wanted to be okay with it, but I'm really not. He told me that Valentine's Day is a joke to most people in America and that everyday can be Valentine's Day to us. Which doesn't make any sense if I feel that he's absent or not here... But saying, "I love you" everyday should make it seem like it's Valentine's Day. I told him that sometimes it's not enough due to his daily schedule and he tells me, "it should be enough." Whenever I bring up this situation, he says, "I've been laying here with you for the past hour. It should be enough." Talking about something that bothers me, is undivided attention, but it's not any way for us to connect or bond. Then he would say, "You should focus and appreciate about what you have and not focus on what you don't have."
I don't want to sound needy, but 20 minutes of undivided attention per day is not enough. It seems like he spends most of his time on Facebook than he does with me, and according to him Facebook is "down time" for him.
Talking about it doesn't seem to help because I can see from his point of view, but he doesn't seem to understand that it's not enough time for me to feel emotionally secure in the relationship. He only has time to talk about this at night, and it's a long discussion, so he gets tired, tells me he's tired, and goes to sleep. Then he wakes up acting as if the conversation never happened.
I keep trying to have this conversation but neither of us are getting what we want. Me talking about it, frustrates him and makes him unhappy. Me not talking about it, makes me unhappy.
In the case of one, the freedom to travel and have their own schedule, in the case of the other, participating in their definition of a true relationship, with attention to time spent together, trust, and transparency. What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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I'm sorry you are unhappy in your relationship. If you have only been dating a year and need couples therapy, then that's big red flag that this relationship probably has little longevity. Only people who have been together many years and have been through many things should need to go to therapy. Every couple that I know who went to therapy before marriage ended up getting divorced within 5 years. A therapist once told me that you don't really know someone until you've been with them 3 years. The first year is the honeymoon stage and everyone is on their best behavior. The second year, everyone slowly starts to show more and more of their true selves. And the third year is the test of whether the two people can still get along while both being who they truly are. From what you are describing about your boyfriend, he is starting to show his true colors. You have communicated your concerns with him, but he does not seem to care about your needs. He sounds self-absorbed and selfish. I think it is time that you moved on and find a guy that makes more time for you and maybe does not travel as much. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled with a guy who shows that he cares about you. And believe me, they are out there. Good luck!!!!
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