|
Confused on sexuality
Okay well I guess my topic is self explanatory. I am confused on my sexuality. I am a 19 year old girl and it seems like everyone around me knows their sexuality. It frustrates me that I still haven't figured it out yet. I have liked boys my whole life or at least I thought so until I met this girl who I completely fell for when I was 17. The feelings were more intense for this girl. Nothing I had ever felt for a boy before. Now I am currently in deep like with this other girl. It seems like my feelings for girls seem to intensify and as far as boys it's more of a "oh he's kinda cute" type of deal. I was wondering if you can give me advice on how I can find out who I am? I'm just so confused and I wish I knew so I could try the dating life, but I want to figure myself out first before I do so. Any suggestions? Thanks
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You are at an age that sexual exploration is normal and common. It seems like you are enjoying being with a woman right now and that is fine. Go with what makes you feel good and free. Have fun and not worry about answering any questions at this moment. You will figure it out.
]
Ask yourself this: are you SEXUALLY attracted to males or females? When you see a cute guy, do you think about the possibility of a relationship and sex with him, or does the thought of sex with a male gross you out? Same with females, would you have sex with one if things got to that heavy point?
When I was your age, I had been dating boys all my life but eventually found a girl I had strong feelings for, as well. I've come to the conclusion that since I am sexually attracted to both male and females, I am bisexual. It sounds like you might be, too. Its also a lot easier to develop heavy feelings for a female because they are emotional creatures, just like you. Your intense feelings are returned with another female's intense feelings. On the other hand, a lot of males have been called "emotionally unavailable" because of their tendency to bury intense feelings they don't understand.
Anyway, don't stress too much. You're young, and whomever you find a relationship with, just as long as you're happy, its going to be okay.
]
I will start with your commet: I wish I knew so I could try the dating life, but I want to figure myself out first before I do so.
Noe it may seem like sound reasoning initially to you and others, but let me share a comparison to make this clearer for you.
Lets say you lived in a remote place in the world your whole life where no such thing as icecream existed. Then you come to the U.S. and are bombarded by the knowledge of existence of so many different flavors. Its so much to choose from and you're afraid of trying one and not liking it, so you want to figure out first which one is your favorite by just watching others eat icecream, read about the newest flavors available, etc.
The gist of the story is that if you aren't opeto do so, you are not going to figure out what your sexuality is. Some people like myself and my daughters, all went thru HS without ever having sex, not wanting it with the child males available. And it took a year or two before any of us had an opportunity of someone mutually interested in us to even begin to explore that. Heck, some people marry and have kids but always have a question in the back of their minds whether they might be bi. There are people labeled bi-curious for a reason. An opportunity never came along to find out until sometime much later in life like 30's 40's. I was at a large home party for 4th of July once when a gal came out to the pool to announce that a bunch of ladies were going to gather to try out sex with girls with a few who were bi. I declined as I'd had an opportuity already with a friend. Was sure I wasn't, and doing it proved to both me and my friend that we just weren't attracted sexually but anyone can go through the moves and have sex. Once in life much later I met a female friend of a friend who needed her dog watched while she went on a business trip. She came back deciding to move out of state so I never had a chance to check out if she might develop feelings for me that way. The one time only in life I've felt that. I do not call myself, bi or gay, I'm hetero. However, I think I understand the fluid gender thing. I believe that some souls who live previous lives as both males and females can have an equal time of feeling like both. I embrace my femininity however sometimes, during sex, my husband and I feel inside like we are the opposite sex . This didn't occur for me until my early 50s. I just share this, to tell you that what you learn and how you may change or add in things sexually is actually quite normal to occur over the span of a lifetime as long as you are sexually active that long.
Stop waiting to figure it out first, that's not the way to go. Experience it first. Take precautions tho. Make sure to be on birth control, use condoms by the male to prevent STD's, but STD's can still be caught in other sex play so best is to choose partners carefully, make sure they have proof from a clinic that they are disease free and do the same for yourself to prove to other potential partners.
]
At 19 one would think you would know what your sexuality is. One thing you are not is a lesbian. Scientist believe that Lesbians and Gays are born that way and know this long before puberty hits. Since you have at one time been boy crazy then fell in love with a women you may just be bisexual.
From reading what you have written I get the feeling you may be a virgin in all respects both with a female or male partner. If I'm correct the problem you face is one of experiencing both forms of sex and seeing which or if both satisfies you need for sex. If you have experienced sex with one form of partner then you should try sex with the other form of partner to satisfy what at this time may be just a curiosity, I really can't say.
You are an adult now and entitled to a sex life of what ever type of sex life you enjoy. Given your, shall we say, confusion I believe you need to experience sex with both a female and a male to learn if you are bisexual or not.
While you may have a crush on this women she may not have sexual feelings for you so go slowly if you approach her. You also should understand that sex with a women and sex with a man are two different types of sex and it is okay to enjoy both.
You may also find that having sex with a women is not what you thought it would be and that is okay two or sex with a man is okay and something you would like to experience once in awhile but prefer sex with a female partner. This too would be okay.
In short the only real suggestion to find out just what you sexuality is would be to experience sex with both male and a female.
]
More Questions: |