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humorist-workshop
What next?
During my last year of school, when everyone else was revising for their exams and preparing for university, I was spending all of my time reading fanfiction. Suddenly, it's August 2014 and I've managed to get into university despite intentionally sabotaging three of my exams because I didn't have the guts to tell my parents I had no desire to go to uni in September.
For six months I dragged myself to uni everyday to go to classes for a degree I didn't want to do. Whilst my classmates were making notes and asking questions, I was doodling (despite my total lack of artistic prowess) and staring blankly out of the window. Eventually I started willing myself to be sick so I had an excuse not to show up for class. Slowly, I stopped attending and instead spent my days hidden under my winter duvet pondering my pitiful existence and why I felt so unfulfilled. I was easily spending four hours a day doing nothing but watching the ceiling.
So, after a year of this torture I dropped out. It's been seven months since I left and I still feel immensely unhappy. I have a Saturday job but that's it since no one is hiring where I live and I can't yet drive to apply anywhere else. So what do I do? I occasionally think about going back to university to do a different degree but I can't decide what, and I don't want to end up on another course that I don't enjoy. Despite what my family think, I don't want to spend all my time in bed thinking about the futility of life but that's all I feel capable of right now. I try drag myself out of this pit but then I blink and I've spent five hours face down on the floor because I just couldn't get up. Everything feels pointless but I don't want it to feel that way. I want to find something I love and to go out and chase it. I want to got to uni or get a job and be happy but I don't know what will make me happy, and I can't afford to not know (student finance won't pay for me to mess up again). So I suppose my question is, what next? How do I work out my next step? How do I find the thing that makes me happy? What do I do with my life? How do I stop everything feeling so meaningless?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
You are depressed because you are not on your path. It sounds to me like you have been denying yourself and doing what other people want for so long that you forgot who you are and what you want. You need to go inward and do some serious, hard, honest self reflection. Sometimes it helps to go back to the beginning. What did you want to be when you grew up? Did you have dreams as a child? What are you good at? Do you have any hobbies? Is there any subject that you are obsessed with? How can you incorporate all these answers into a career? You were born with a purpose and that purpose is to use your gifts that God gave only you to help others. How can you serve?
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I'm not certain what country your from but I believe you may be from a country that has National Health Insurance. If so you need to find a psychologist who will see you under the National Health Insurance program for I believe your lack of motivation is related to a form of depression. Just why you are depressed will come out in therapy sessions with the psychologist and with his or her help you will overcome the problem.
Once you overcome what is troubling you then you can focus on what you want to with your life( Since you have not direction, not your fault something to talk over with the psychologist) there are test you can take that will tell you what you are best suited for. Based on these tests you can then decide what courses to take at Uni.
Don't be surprised if the test points you in a direction you least expect. I took this test probably when I was your age. The test indicated a career in Sales and Marketing. I considered myself a shy introverted person there was no way I could be successful in that career. Well it is 40 years later and I have just retired from a very successful 30 year career in sales and marketing. What I have learned over the years is that there are times people and yes test will see or reveal things in us that we will never see in ourselves.
MY advice is to see you family doctor and get screened for depression. It is a simple verbal test. Then find a psychologist your comfortable with to get at the root cause of your depression if found to be depressed. When the psychologist feels your ready take a test to see what you are best suited to do in life.
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My advice would be to go to counseling. If you can't go out of your way to see a counselor, go to your school counselor.
You definitely aren't the only young adult who feels this way.
So go talk to your counselor and keep going to see them and they will help you figure out what to do. They'll help you figure out what the next step is. Maybe just take a couple of classes that sound interesting to you.
When I was in school, I was getting so tired of taking general ed classes and having no direction and I hadn't chose a major. Once I took some classes that sounded more interesting, it really helped figure out what I would be interested in pursuing. There's tons of classes, so look into it and try taking a couple of classes so you're not overwhelmed.
But my number one piece of advice would be to talk to your counselor. Let them know exactly what's going on.
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