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Should I let my daughter go to this Baby Shower?
My daughter is 15 and she has a friend that is 16 and pregnant and is having a baby shower. I am not sure if I should let her go what do you all think
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Pregnancy?
Your daughter is not the one that is pregnant and you should not punish her by denying her the friendship of her friend who has made a choice to have unprotected sex or to have sex at all. In the same vein it is not your place to punish the pregnant girl by denying her the support and friendship of a close friend. I'm sure at this time she needs all the support and friendship she can muster.
What you need to do is to use this situation as a teaching moment and have an adult conversation with your daughter. Like it or not and I'm positive you do not like it, your daughter is capable of having adult sexual relationships. As a parent myself I know I can talk to my children about the problems of teenage sex until I'm blue in the face. Short of locking them in their rooms until they turned 21 once out of sight I had no control over what they did.
Sex is an adult subject and needs to be discussed with someone your daughters age in an adult manner. Nothing has changed since you were a teenager. If anything the pressure a teenage girl is under today is worse than when we were teenagers. My advice is you acknowledge this and remind her that you are always there for her and she can come to you with any question or concerns including how to handle certain situations with boys. Emphasize the any of the concerns.
My niece lost her virginity at 16, pressured not only by her boyfriend at the time but her girlfriends as well. Had she come to me before she had sex and told me of the pressure she was under I would have told her what I tell the girls that write to us.
I tell them that high school romances are just that. They rarely if ever last beyond high school as everyone goes their separate way after graduation. That to have sex with someone to prove your love for him is not a reason to have sex and that any boy that says this is not in love with you, he lusts for you. Boys her age have a different definition of love then girls her age do and it more closely has the meaning of lust. This is something she needs to know and feel free to use what I have just written when talking to her.
Last, after you have discussed everything including safe sex for the purpose of disease as well as pregnancy protection. If you still have concerns she may give in to the pressures of her boyfriend and others. Then there is no shame in putting her on birth control. At least you can monitor that she takes it daily and have the peace of mind that you will not be facing what there girlfriend family is presently dealing with. Just reminder this is not permission to have sex just a safety net if her will power is broken.
Just so you know: By law you now longer have any medical control over your daughter's reproductive system. The law is called HIPPA and anyone over the age of 14 has total medical confidentiality over their reproductive system. Your doctors will no longer talk to you about any condition concerning her reproductive system without her expressed permission in writing and she cannot give under duress or the doctor will not honor it. You may not be in the room during an examination of her reproductive system. If she were to become pregnant it would be strictly her choice as to what to do about it.
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Is your daughter planning on having unprotected sex at the baby shower? Probably not. So yes. Your daughter should attend the party if she wants too, and show support and love for her friend.
If you are worried about your daughter's thoughts on what her friend is going through right now, or your daughter's own choices around sex, then talk to your daughter about that like she is a human being.
Unless your daughter is bouncing around talking about how much she wants to get pregnant right away, then there is no reason to step in. (And even if she is, refusing to allow her to go to the baby shower is still not an appropriate reaction.) It is not your place to punish a pregnant sixteen-year-old by denying her contact with her friends.
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It's not your business. Whether you have a morality conflict or not with it this girl isn't a bad person, needs support and friendship and not scorn and judgment from people. Your daughter is her good friend and should make her own choice to attend and bring a gift.
She should make an appearance as that's what good people do. They stand by people no matter what they face. You can't resent her baby either who needs and will benefit.
Insisting she not go and making her stay home is a form of shunning this person which is on the same level as bullying over a mistake that led to pregnancy. If it were your daughter and you herself how would you feel if people refused to go to her shower objecting to her pregnancy? Not very good.
You have some seriously work to do on yourself on your own time. Love this girl as you would your own and respect your daughter's friendship, butt out and decision to go. It's between them but says a lot about you and your daughter if it gets around the reason why you didn't want her to go.
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