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i am lost, what should i do with my life?
im 22yrs will turn 23 next june. i am an average guy to the core.. like really average that goes or my looks to spirit. still living with my parents because no balls to move out. i attempted college but couldn't even finish the first year. i want to do IT or Cyber security i do find that interesting. but im not that smart or rather i know im very lazy just not willing to care enough to try my best. though i took 4 attempts at college and the last term i attend i couldn't handle it so i just stopped showing up. so i failed and my gpa went from 3.0 to 1.4. i dont think i can get financial aid anymore because of it... my parents cant help but want to help as much they can. i cant do that to them my father works 75-80hrs a week and my mother works 40 i have two little sister age 16 and 10... with that said yeah we are not poor but live a hard life. my parents never take time for themselves and i feel like worthless son... i love them so much. i attempted to work and help and college ... but all that i failed at....i really gave an effort but i work or go to college for few months then i feel so much pressure .. fear... anxiety that i cant take it and i quit. i have friends who are doing good now and try to help but i dont want that...i wanna be independent but i dont know how i can be. most of the time i rather be left alone i dont always like to hang with my friends i rather be on my room.. yeah iknow in my comfort zone...pathetic.
things i want ...
i wanna get my BS but dont know how i can pay for it. cant do much with a $9hr wage. only jobs i can get are with that pay rate.
i wanna move out. so my parents have one less kid to worry about and feed even tho its 22yrs old.
have my BS use it to get decent job.. i dont need a a lot of money i just want a comfortable life where i can help myself and my parents.
with alll this in my head i still dont know where to start what to do .. how to do it .. how to pay for college..can i get over my laziness or my anxiety and get my head out of my a@@ and get to work?
hate on this... tell me i am a loser or give me advise anything is appreciated.
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what I wonder is if you've ever talked to a college counselor. I understand todays times are hard and there are more 20 somethings living with parents or parents moving in with successful grown kids simply because it truly is too hard to make it on ones owns anymore. This should not be something you feel bad about.
I would say you need to think of something you are good at, however small or insignificant you may think and do that whenever you feel down on yourself.
However you may have to face the fact that doing the same as you have done isn't getting you ahead so you need to try something different.
It sounds like schooling is out of the question for the moment until you can get some therapy to help you work past whatever is holding you back from acheivements. This may mean that even tho you are working min. wage and working on your anxieties fears, ect... with a counselor or psychologist who in particular advertises that they are trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy which means that our actions are fueled by our thought life. So if you don't like your actions, then its time to focus on your thought life and distorted thinking can easily be responsible in part and a Dr. can determine what else. Best thing is, CBT is not medicinal but actual teaching, retraining with homework of things you are given to do to get past your fears or anxieties.
Don't think there isn't any hope. My own nephew quit job after job and just sat at home with a Dad who did everything and a Mom too ill to work so money is tight. He recently got a job with a moving company and is earning big bucks cus they move the expensive and priceless stuff. This in turn has helped him to feel better about himself and he is exactly your age.
Basically you need to look at what needs accomplishing and put the goals in the right order. Getting into college and graduating shouldn't be the first thing on the list until you have gotten yourself to a point where you are ready to be a student, or even a worker in a job.
You may not be able to afford college in your 20s. It may have to wait until you are older and have accomplished earning as much as possible so you can get out on your own, perhaps share apt with a couple friends to cut costs or even just rent a bedroom with common areas shared in a home but you need to be working for that and you already know you have trouble sticking with a job.
I won't say its all roses out there. I have to put up with some crummy management at times. But at least I focus on what I can personally do to make things better. See, I can't change what other people say, do or think but I can improve myself. I have learned to go from just doing the basics in a job position to taking pride in my job ability, to go well beyond what is expected of me. Its hard getting there, but if you push yourself to get to this state of mind, the self pride when you know you've done well, even if not one person compliments you or acknowledges it (that happens a lot) there will be more willingness on your part to keep with it. Do I aspire to be a minimum wage worker? No...but I have dreams for still owning my own business even though I am in my 50s. Its never too late unless you're dead.
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I think the first thing you need to do is get help with raising yourself esteem. Frankly I see a lot of me in you. When I was your age I had the same problems . Four years in the Air Force made a big difference in my life especially when I exceeded my own expectations and was promoted to the rank of SSGT in just over 3 years. My shop chief almost died when I walked in with 4 stripes on my sleeve as no one he knew ever got promoted to SSGT in under 4 years. In the morning the Colonel came into the control room and explained I was promoted on merit at his request.
Now I'm not recommending you sign up for the military there is an easier and better way to go about raising one's self-esteem. Living with your parent's allows for you to use one of theirs EAP programs to meet with a psychologist who will help you raise your self-esteem. Most programs allow for a certain amount of visits them their health insurance kicks in.
No one plans on being a losers it is something that happens to them. Generally speaking it happens over time from being bullied or being told over a period of time that you will never amount to anything. One of my sons teachers once told us we should teach him to flip burgers for that was all he was qualified for. Today he is a firefighter/paramedic and was she surprised when he showed up at her school for a medical emergency. Of course she know takes all the credit for how he turned out. Like me the military gave him the self-esteem he was missing.
A qualified psychologist can help you gain the self-esteem you are missing. Once you feel better about yourself you will have the confidence to return to school.
Anyone capable of a 3.0 is not dumb so learning is not the problem. Laziness and anxiety can be helped as I have suggested. Of course if your so inclined there is nothing wrong with the military either on active duty in the Guard or reserves.
Once you get the self-esteem under control you should also look at the technical trade schools for the area you are interested in. There are many fine schools that can train you for those areas and get you working faster than if you went to college.
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Sounds like you want people to tell you you're a loser. But why do that when you are more successful than anyone at doing that. I am not going to tell you to think positively, as that is just a foolish platitude. You need to see the connection between the negative why you talk about and see yourself and using that as an excuse to continue in the same way. if you keep labeling yourself as lazy, you will continue to live up to that characterization.
You do seem to have a genuine concern for your parents and their well-being. That's a good quality. So, if you won't get off the dime for yourself, do it for them, until you can work up to doing it for you.
As for paying for college, go to a local or community college and discuss that with them. They are much more qualified to know what assistance is available. Gather information and stop worrying about the end result. Just get going in the process.
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