Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.

Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)

    (Rating: 1) Wow, I just read your answer and it really triggered anger. The way you express yourself is simply unacceptable. This is a site for advice in a supportive way not pushing someone or judging their actions. I simply do not agree with your answer and even though it isn't worded correctly, I thank you. I only thank you for responding but for your advice, I'll pass.
    (Rating: 1) As a matter of fact, I do have more weight to lose. I'm much higher than the average for my height and weight. My waist is about 2-3 inches wider than average, and I want to be skinnier than average. Same goes for weight; average is about 95 and I'm 108. Therefore, I need to lose 20Lb to reach my goal.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. Sorry for the late review, I forgot the first time I read it. I find your approach, accepting the unplannable as simply unplannable, to be actually very comforting. Thank you again!
    (Rating: 5) Lol thanks. Just needed someone to slap me with the truth! Good job lol
    (Rating: 3) ABSOLUTELY I am dealing with fear and anxiety upon finding out this information. What is wrong with you? That's what this is based on. I AM involved. This IS my business. I am in a program with a rapist, one who has targeted me and spread around that he had a crush on me. He hangs around some of my very close friends all the time and I see him almost every day. This is a RAPE. How dare you accuse me of "involving myself" for the sake of gossip? Thanks for your help, but again what is wrong with you? Perhaps you are just another heterosexual white man who couldn't possibly empathize with the crippling fear a woman in college deals with on a DAILY basis. We're all just big gossips running our dumb mouths right?
    (Rating: 4) Very good answer, thank you very much for the reality check! Only reason i knocked down a star is because your use of quotations around "gay 'marriage'" to me was implying that you don't believe it is actual marriage, or a lesser marriage. In addition, while i understand and agree that tedious and frustrating adult responsibilities and tasks are rough and i have no way of knowing how it can affect a relationship, the reference to almost losing someone due to suicide as "an acute mental health crisis" just doesn't sit well with me at all. Also, not a criticism but rather an fyi, the reason i did not use gender pronouns is because my partner uses they/them pronouns and is nonbinary. Thank you very much for taking the time to answer my question and helping me!!
    (Rating: 5) Yes I know,it all seems really ridiculous,thanks so much!!
    (Rating: 4) Yes my sister is 15 and we are african american and so is the hairstylist so if you know african american hair it shouldnt be washed that much because it will just overdry the hair saying and wash out all the oils thats essential to keep the hair naturally moisturised. Also thank you for the feedback my mom is making sure we dont go there again and also my dad still sees no problem with what the women did so i dont know.
    (Rating: 4) I'm sorry, I shouldn't have given a 2 earlier, I didn't know how it worked, i thought I was going to the next page...anyways thanks for the advice
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much, you have been very helpful
    (Rating: 5) You're right. Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my question!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for answering. I did reach out and we're talking again. Since we live about 700mi from where he's from he's unable to spend time with the family but your suggestion to reach out seems to be going well and he's appreciating the gesture.
    (Rating: 5) thank you so much for your response. You truly are an angel. I really have been thinking for a long time that i'm the bad one and that I'm going crazy. But, hearing from a sane and normal person that I'm not really means a lot :) I think that talking to student services is great idea. thank you!
    (Rating: 5) Thanks very much - I do appreciate all you have to say, and it rings true. Let me assure you that any doubts I've had, I've kept to myself; I have not asked her if she's "sure" or said anything to make her think I didn't believe her. As far as she knows, I've taken her at her word without any second-guessing, and having heard what you've had to say, I can now do that honestly.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you very much, you make a really good point about discerning between hurt and disrespect. I will definitely continue to try to minimize the damage as much as possible and speaking to an older girl was a great suggestion. I wasn't planning on telling anyone about what Henry said, I think you're right, it will probably only escalate the drama. Thank you again!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you.
    (Rating: 4) i get that and i think thats what ill do, thank you so much!
    (Rating: 5) Sorry I didn't come back and say thanks sooner. :( THANK YOU!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much :)
    (Rating: 5) If i were to describe how reading this has made me feel, i wouldnt be able to put it into words. You really hit me with your words, all im gonna say is thank you, your going to be the reason why I will change and be better and never expect less than what I deserve. Thank you again, God bless you forever.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks
    (Rating: 5) My mom told me if I talked to him again she would ground me for 6 months I thought at first she was over reacting but now I see she was right and mabye I deserve to be grounded.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks, that makes me feel much better.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you, I just saw this after a long absence from Advicenators!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for your input. It's just weird because he makes sure I don't think he believes me at all about anything and he talks as if all I've ever done since we met has bad motives and is selfish that now he doesn't believe I'm not suddenly selfish, and yet he said he still cares for me and wants to be friends still. It's just too confusing. :( Thank you again.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks, you've been very helpful.
    (Rating: 4) Thank you.
    (Rating: 4) I understood all of what you wrote and it makes me feel much more confident on my decision. I understand that it's a long journey being embraced as a new citizen. I do appreciate your help. Thank you for the answer.
    (Rating: 4) Thanks! I think I will follow your advise despite the money involved
    (Rating: 3) Can you name one pit fall to a whole foods, plant based diet? Yes, I could eat oreos everyday and still be vegan, but that is not what I said. I agree about misinterpretations, though, and I'm far less tempted now than I was as a faux omnivore. Thanks for your take on that, but I have to say that I never claim authority when I speak to people about such things, I defer to the findings of many famous, successful doctors and researchers. I don't try to come across as someone with a PhD in Biology, it's often easier for me to pass on links to info or comment on my own life experience than to summarize medical jargon. Can you give me one reference about dairy and meat not leading to early menarche? I was an average weight and regularly exercising during elementary school, too. Here's two links saying the opposite of your point: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJvrlwnEqbs and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/joel-fuhrman-md/girls-early-puberty_b_857167.html 50 years ago Americans were still eating plenty of dairy and meat, so so compare the age of menarche in America with 1980s rural China. As China westernizes, it gets more and more at risk for what were previously deemed just diseases affecting westerners. If my mind was that inflexible then I wouldn't have become vegan in the first place, just two months ago. Just six months ago I was one of those people wondering where vegans got their protein from. I don't know about you, and other people you're referencing, but I am a rational, open minded person. Turning back type 2 diabetes isn't a belief, it can be proven. Would you tell Bill Clinton he just "believes" he has improved the state of his arteries, too? There's nothing wrong with someone being able to say they don't eat as healthy as they should. I could go without coconut ice cream, for example. It's a problem when someone is so far in denial that they'd rather say that all diets can be healthy than be honest with themselves. Learning the science is what made able to eat the way I do now, a far cry from where I was one year ago, always tempted when driving by restaurants and at the check out counter of grocery stores. Yes, I'm aware I am not as knowledgeable as the relevant experts, but a basic understanding of why certain foods are addictive, why certain foods have a negative effect on my body, why there aren't commercials on the benefits of kale, and etc. benefits me on a daily basis. As a kid, I hated when my mom would tell me to eat a certain food just because it was "healthy", without any explanation further, because that leads you to just have a "fuck it" attitude about "foods" that have been fucked with. You say I won't convince anyone when hours after writing my question, my mom said she wants to start making fruit smoothies for breakfast, too, and I also forgot to say earlier that a co-worker of mine was interested in the diet, as well as one family friend. If you truly gave people the option between open heart surgery and going whole foods, plant based, most people would choose the latter. And many have done so, and reversed many, many conditions. If one tries the diet, and it doesn't work out for them, do they lose anything? My alternative was starting type 2 diabetes medication, which likely would have been more expensive than what I pay monthly for food, with a number of potential side effects. It's not even as difficult as I thought it would be. At all! There are alternatives to literally everything. I made epic veggie burgers yesterday, basically a baked hybrid of falafel and kimchi. I now work on getting enough calories and enjoying food than constantly worrying about them before, and feeling guilty over my inevitable constant binges from my aspirations and failure at eating low carb. Sure, nobody has to care about me, but people care about themselves. People care about their own blood tests and saving their own money. I'm not trying to be praised, I'd love to people take charge of their own lives instead of being pawns to the standard american diet and big pharma. The facts are the facts. I'm not trying to be this quirky individual, eating some special diet just to be quirky and different. If you had been in my shoes, essentially a social outcast, and insecure your entire life over your body, you would understand why I want to be slim. Maybe you're your ideal body type and have never had that issue, so it's hard for you to relate, but no, that doesn't make either of us "weird" for our real experiences and body preferences. I agree with most of your final paragraph, though, but my feeling is just that if I didn't give a shit about someone or didn't respect them I wouldn't try to give them an alternative to expensive, and often ineffective medical solutions to their problems, and fad diets you can't maintain in the long run.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks
    (Rating: 5) That's what I thought. I think I just needed to hear it from someone else too. Thank you.
    (Rating: 5) thanks :)
    (Rating: 5) Thank you SO much for your insight, and your praises. It's just nice to hear the opinion someone who's not involved, and have it be comforting at that. Your post gave me some confidence to justify me focusing on myself. Thanks again <3
    (Rating: 3) Thanks for the response. I've pretty much ended the friendship and I've even got another girl from the same dating site I met this girl, but she's the one who has refused to leave me alone. I'll just keep ignoring her.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks so much:)
    (Rating: 5) Thanks a lot for the wonderful advice. I really appreciate it and you've helped me have a better understanding of my situation. Thanks again and God bless you.
    (Rating: 5) Confusing is an understatement!! I guess I will just have to wait and see!! Thank you so much!!
    (Rating: 5) aww thanks I appreciate that :-)
    (Rating: 5) Thanks so much :-)
    (Rating: 4) Thank you, that was really informative. i will speak to a doctor about all the different methods, thanks again :)
    (Rating: 5) Valid points. Nobody can claim 'clean hands' here. But surely no oversimplification to state that all debt (individual or national) only ever arises from one cause? Irresponsible borrowing. Selling of the 'family silver' of resources (and in what suddenly becomes a buyers-market) is the inevitable consequence. The IMF beleived that 'contries won't default' and surely hoped that loans for development would actually lead to the development of the countries concerned? Not in debts which cannot ever be recovered?
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much. Your advice was perfect and helped me understand the right way to help them. Thank you.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you! I feel stupid for believing. :)
    (Rating: 5) thanks for putting my mind at ease!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for responding to me. I've recently been started on antidepressants because I was getting severe social anxiety, but my doctor suggested counseling to go along with it. I initially didn't want to but I think I might follow through with it. I already feel a little better just typing what I was feeling here. Thank you for your kindness and advice
    (Rating: 2) Actually, I think that you are the one with issues. There are reasons why I haven't spoken to my family in years, and it's because of distance, and I wasn't on social media. So, why don't you just shut the fuck up?
    (Rating: 5) Okay,this has calmed me down greatly,thank you.
    (Rating: 5) I know, it has been very frustrating growing up with her. She is very supportive and protective. I don't want to upset her or make her worry, but I haven't been able to do a lot of things because of her fears (of me getting her and letting me go) I have been trying to be more firm that it is my life, but it is still hard. I am definitely going on the trip though. Thanks for the advice!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you
    (Rating: 5) He actually approached me at work and we're both off Wednesday so he said he'd pick me up and we'll go do something fun. So, thanks! :)
    (Rating: 4) We have talked about outside activity and I have seen her around the neighborhood and she is always just as pleasant. Not sure how to pick up on whether or not she is opening up the door.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks
    (Rating: 5) Thank you very much. I really appreciate it.
    (Rating: 5) thanx :)
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for your answer.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your advice. As much as it sucks I should leave him and the situation alone. I don't want to just be his friend and what you said makes it clear that he's not looking for anything but a convenience. Again thanks for the solid advice and for not sugar-coating it.
    (Rating: 3) depends i work with this person i waited about a week i mean she's not going anywhere i mean don't you want her to think about you don't you wanna make her wonder about like wether your gonna call its like they call that challenge this one I've never heard of you calling her then on the 5 ring it just say call ended i did call some woman a couple days ago called her 1 then 20 minutes later she called back 2 left a message 2 tuesday got to see her mention it to her she said i didn't know who it was when i was listening to her message it sounds like she was at work but this she sounds like she's driving
    (Rating: 5) Thank you, you highlighted a very important aspect that I was overlooking entirely - we all make choices to do or not do things
    (Rating: 2) What country do you live in? I said that I understood why abortion should remain legal, but I don't think it's justified or effective for taxpayers to pay for it. If a woman has to pay of out of pocket for it, maybe next time she will consider her sexual partners more, consider contraceptives, etc. that's the same reason why we pay for tracfic violations out of pocket, isn't it? If we can discourage bad driving why can't we discourage reckless sex? It's pretty obvious that life begins at conception, because we are formed from a man's sperm and a woman's egg. It's more than a belief, that's literally what science says. I feel like a lot of pro abortion people try to justify their bad behavior by lying to themselves that a fetus doesn't really matter til it's late in term and "looks" more like a human, when it was a human since it's conception, just a human in progress. We are all humans in progress, even after birth, until we die. Old people aren't more humans than babies. A disabled person isn't less of a human than an able bodied person. Science is even still trying to figure out the minds of babies and what they can remember and what not. I'm a catholic, and catholic doctrine comes from a logical place, even if that means they have to amend doctrine to better fit scripture. Im not in a position to defend Jehovah's witnesses, as I am not one. If it takes religion to come to the natural realization that life begins at conception, which I believed even previously as an agnostic, then so be it. The less religious a country is, the more abortions take place in it. There are still people today who believe the world is flat. They can think that, but at the end of the day, the truth is the truth. I don't support the death penalty either, but I support people getting paid for their jobs and getting other medical care. That's not related to this issue. This issue involves an unborn life and it's not meaningless just because the mother sees no value in him or her. Even people already born, they're not meaningless just cause their parents don't care for them, whether it's blatant enough for child protective services to save them or not. Being born to 2 married parents doesn't mean you'll necessarily be happier or more successful than someone who got adopted, got put through the foster system, etc. so often people ignore the real reason sex exists, in this culture where casual sex is promoted, and and I don't want to pay for the execution of the innocent. Yeah, the military gets innocents killed too, and that's why people protest such things, too. The military has a purpose but it can also take things too far.
    (Rating: 2) Thanks for your definition of fat acceptance, but the problem occurred once you put words in my mouth. Everyone has the same worth and deserves the same respect, so it was wrong for you to assume I devalued overweight people just so that you can have a nice and neat rebuttal. I'm overweight myself, and have overweight and obese family and friends. Diabetes is rampant in my family and one of my grandfathers died from complications of diabetes, so if I truly devalued myself and others in my life I'd be all "fat is beautiful" and what not, when high blood pressure isn't beautiful, diabetes is not beautiful, etc. that cuts how much time they have on this earth short, unnecessarily. no, i don't go up to people saying they're fat and need to lose weight, that's between them and their doctors, but I'm not going to deliberately co-sign negative behaviors, either. It's a battle, one I'm still fighting myself. to truly love a person is to acknowledge their flaws and help them on their path to improve as individuals. Everyone has their vices. Some people are addicted to food and don't exercise enough, others have eating disorders, etc. if its supportive to support an anorexic person getting back to a healthy weight, then how is it disrespectful to support an overweight, even possibly obese person to also get to a healthy weight? Look at the diets and workout routines of Victoria's secret models, for example. Even ask the routines of fit people at the gym. I don't do enough, and the evidence is present in the fact that I'm still overweight. When I went to Africa for 3 months, I lost a lot of weight, due to eating more healthy food and walking around a lot. When I came back, I started getting into old habits and gained back weight and then some. I'm currently halfway back to my Africa weight. There's no magic pill, I could do more and others can do more as well. It's not some genetic thing, where some people are skinny and others just don't have that "skinny gene". I think most people know they have to eat healthy and work out more, I think a problem in America is a lot of people don't realize how bad junk food is for us, and all that's put in them to make them so addictive. That's not stupidity, that's the fault of schools for not teaching this and our government for allowing such crap. Once your body is addicted it's going to be difficult to wean off, but it's not impossible, many have done so. I wouldn't call a recovering drug addict lazy or stupid, food is a drug, too. Not to mention, the mental state of people. If someone doesn't think they're worth getting healthy for, that's going to affect their effort, too. So at the end of this, I now get what the fat acceptance movement is about, but I think it would be more positive if it still had a focus on weight loss, just with sensitivity and respect to those still overweight, and still fighting, even if they're fighting to just make that first step in the right direction. Not that people should just stay overweight and obese, so that they can have shorter, more difficult lives.
    (Rating: 2) I show others respect by not causing a scene in public. The couple, either intentionally or unintentionally are the only ones showing their lack of respect for others, as they force people to witness their foreplay
    (Rating: 5) Yes, I did already email him a thank you note.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks. This was a big help.
    (Rating: 4) Thanks for the answer & apologies for the delayed feedback. Already made sure that they can't get in and the apartment and surrounding areas are very clean. Although didn't make that clear in the question!
    (Rating: 5) Thanks, I made sure to let him know that I wasn't interested, but I didn't tear into his behavior. He was really cool about it so thank you!
    (Rating: 2) Yes, she is in another part of the world, but I've heard of other ocean apart scenarios that have worked out well. And what proof do you have that " we don't actually know each other. " We know a fair amount about another, yes there are things like physical queues, subtle things we may not know about another, but a fair amount of information about each other is known. And I don't believe this to be as much of a fantasy as you think it be, (yes, coin me being in denial if you please ) to a point, she treated it as one similarly too, I just believe I over stepped how far I should have gone too soon. And I don't think it'd be impossible, don't be so pessimistic. And no, this can't be a full blown in person relationship, I agree. But that doesn't mean trying with what is there should be frowned upon. I will keep that boundary thing in mind as well. She no longer has a boyfriend, if what I remember correctly, he treated ok at first, but as time grew he became less... kind. I don't know how far I'd go to " I crafted a love story ". She is the one who took the first step in that, I just took too large of one in return which brought it off balance. I will admit that. Hurting myself, yes, I am. she may be imperfect, agreeing with that seems mean, but yes, she can be. Of course, I can be too. Now, me driving myself to confusion and misery can be debated, when things are going fine, it's fantastic. when she skips over something I've said, how far I take into it is my own fault, yes. I don't have a good order to reply for this, so I will just say, I don't see how having a more focal one on one conversation is unhealthy and unrealistic. Calling it unfair, or me calling her mean when she blatantly ignores something I say, I can both agree and disagree for that being right. Sure, I guess you could say ever expecting anything out of someone they don't initally want to do is totally unfair or mean. But, on the other hand, if it is someone that cares for you, occasional adjustment to the other person I wouldn't see as unreasonable either. If she asked me to do something I normally don't do once, I may do it. I find that acceptable in non-extreme cases. Constant requests on the other hand can be considered bad, and I see that. And, burn me for this if you like, but I can't help but feel this part is more of a " girls should be able to do whatever they please, and the guy shouldn't demand anything, and it's unnatural if she wants to " type of thing. Anyway.. And the power to stop it, is me. But she also has the power to. But she never has, and I don't want to either. To quote a cliche line, anything worth getting, isn't easy.. Or something close to that. Again with the fantasy thing, I don't see it as unreasonable thing. Things were more close to this " fantasy " before. They've just degraded. instantly blame me, I know. And, to some point, it probably is my fault. "She's in Romania" So, you're saying that distance makes the emotional attachment not possible? And that is is pointless? Because, to be honest, I have an emotion feeling towards you, and that is that I don't like you that much at the moment. ( you don't care what I think, I know I know... ) But that is proof that distance does not entirely hinder emotions. It just makes some things more difficult. This last one I am not sure how to start off. I think I can be reasonable, very reasonable. If you were left hanging after random moments over and over, you would not be upset? I assume the answer would be " no, I'd just quit " or something of the sort, but the point is: it's not something that someone would happily take. And when it from someone who says the care for you, it brings concern. And it's not just a friendship, but it's not just a "fantasy relationship " either. But again, I will consider most of this, and the boundaries thing. She and I have not had the luxury of simultaneous free time to have a direct conversation that could resolve questions and concerns like this. I don't consider this a wound, but, maybe more like an unfinished bridge. One side is working too much overtime, while the other is unsure what to do. And the phone line between them is damaged. As for the rest, how much space, don't talk for months on end? Only speak half a dozen words in a week? And what kind of connections around me? Are we talking about friendships, or relationship? A relationship where my heart is somewhere else and I am just using them to kill time? That's a horrible thing to do. As for enjoy my life.. I don't have much to enjoy. So, eh. And yes, I would want there to be a chance in the future for this, but what behavior changes? She should not change at all ( I am not saying she should ) But I am then? And change my expectations how? Lower them to expect her to never show she cares, and if she says something I should celebrate? Or just expect nothing and crawl into a ball and wait? ( Extreme but you get it. Maybe. ) Despite most of this was saying how I am entirely unreasonable and evil as a person, you did give me a small amount to think with and maybe discuss. With her. And on an off-topic and comedic relief note: How'd the hell did you find another one of my posts?! I mean, once you read it, the context was similar and putting them together was not hard. But being able to find another by me again? Anyway, good day. Or night..
    (Rating: 5) Shit, thanks for being honest. I appreciate that 110%.
    (Rating: 2) Rating changed from a 1 by L2 moderator. You may not have found the advice useful but it is NOT harmful OR abusive. ------------------------------- Discrimination is discrimination. I didn't have to include that I'm a black female and he was a white male. I could have been the white male, and he could have been the black female, anyone can be prejudiced. And I've crossed the store many times in my life. If the self check out was one side of the store, there were long lines for regular cashiers, your car was on the other, and there was a thunderstorm with heavy rain outdoors, what would you have done? Discrimination isn't something to just accept. I did indeed speak with the manager, not just for myself, but also for other people who potentially could have experienced the same unfair treatment but weren't brave enough to speak out about it. The encounter would not have even offended me as much if the guy had just said it was a routine, random check they did to discourage shoplifting, and had not outright claimed he was checking me cause I could have sneakily added items to my bags without an associate looking. That's way too specific, and it felt way too much like an accusation.
    (Rating: 5) Thanks for the advice. I broke up with her. She was texting someone that initially as a wrong number. Exchanging pictures and what not. So, Im guessing she probably was cheating all along.
    (Rating: 3) Eating changed by L2 mod
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for your honesty. But it makes me sad that anyone would say that! :( Guess I should be honest and say that I was teh one she called "Duff." Two years ago she was my best friend. Why are people cruel for no reason?
    (Rating: 5) Thanks!!!! I took your advice and got a great date.
    (Rating: 5) Hmm. Good advice. Thank you!!
    (Rating: 5) Good advice!! I'm telling you he likes these photos several times a day. And he also keeps following these "stars" its almost like he can't function without looking at them. To me its still cheating. Because he keeps getting worse. Thanks for your advice!
    (Rating: 5) I suppose that pattern is just being young. It's hard when everyone else around me has had super long relationships when I've only really been known to jump from person to person. I do feel like it's given me more insight in what I need. Hopefully things don't falter and the move goes quick so everyone can move on. Thank you for your support and answer.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your excellent advice to my daughter. She is banned from all things internet related for a bit, so I am thanking you an her behalf. You probably knew this already, but this wasn't the whole story. My daughter blackmailed this girl into having lesbian relations with her or she would spread lies about her on the very same facebook page she mentioned here. The other girl had no interest at all in girls and tried to kill herself after she gave in to my daughter, which is how I found out about all this. The pictures in question were taken in self defense by my daughter's victim. I have gone through everything on her phone and laptop, which is how I found you. Compared to everything else I have found, I have to tell you that you are a serious credit to to the internet in general! I can't tell you the destruction this has caused in our family, and the other girl is unlikely to recover at all. How would you feel if you found out that the "rapists and pedophiles" that you mention turned out to be your daughter? Sorry for this long response. I hope you don't mind if I ask you a question once the shock of this subsides a little since there is nobody at all I can talk to about this. Thank you for taking the time to run this site!
    (Rating: 2) I did not give you a low rating because of what you said about me. I have already apologized to him about snooping and I have already told him that I snooped. I did not lie about it. He was the one who lied about the message and even denied the fact that he said such things to his ex-girlfriend. I admitted my faults whereas, he didn't. Possibly because he didn't believe he was at fault for saying such things to his ex-girlfriend and then lying to me about it still even after I confronted him (even though I didn't do it properly). The first two paragraphs of your responses made sense. The rest seems like you have high respect for privacy (which is fine) but it seems like you're also deflecting. Out of everything I said, it seems like your main focus was on me going through his phone and somewhat ignored everything else I said. As if you stopped at me "snooping" and just decided to "answer my question." Here's one thing that was not considered. I would understand if someone got angry for snooping if that person had something to hide. If he/she did not have something, there's no reason to be angry, correct? It's all due to perspective. But thanks for your feedback.
    (Rating: 2) Sheesh, calm down. All I was asking was if it'd be rude to tell the people I want what baby names I like and be secretive towards others. I wasn't saying that people aren't entitled to their opinions or that I don't need to be ready to hear criticism if I do decide to tell. I know I'll face criticism I tell anyone my names, that's why I don't want to HAVE to tell, but if people are going to think I'm being rude or get their feelings hurt that I'll tell others, but not them, I don't think I can keep from telling. I just wanted to know if that'd be rude or not.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much for your answer. As a matter of fact I did visit the store this morning and all is well. Thanks again, Dzadzyx4
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for your advise.
    (Rating: 3) No one is pretending to no anything about law we ate seeking advice together
    (Rating: 5) You're right. and I have ended it before but he just talks me back into it, i don't know how to escape this cycle
    (Rating: 5) thank you
    (Rating: 5) Thanks! But the problem with crate training is they cry and wine.
    (Rating: 2) Wow that's bad advice do you answer every question negatively. You made me feel hopelessness. It bothers me yes but you don't know everything that goes on on other aspects of our relationship. I just don't know if its normal and how I should handle it. Dang you are good at making people feel guilty and horrible about asking for advice. But thanks for trying.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you so much and I'm sorry I'm a male
    (Rating: 5) Thank you for advice only problem now is how do i help my father see I am capable of my own decisions?
    (Rating: 4) Without giving too many details ----he is neither an employee or a partner with us. We are two separate entities, we are just doing his work for him, my husband told him that he should hire an employee to help out but he refuses to pay anyone.
    (Rating: 3) I never said they didn't know how to lose with grace and respect!I am not sure where you got such an idea. They have been in many competitions and always handled themselves gracefully, they have just never competed against each other. I am not concerned for outward behavior just emotional damage.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you, I appreciate your advice very much. I'll keep it in mind when I talk to my sister.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you, I hope he does care enough about the marriage to seek help. I'll make sure my limits are clear to him.
    (Rating: 4) I appreciate your concern,and thank you for caring.I do have a support group of other trans but they have much the same problems,too. I don't align myself with queer individuals because I'm not a homosexual,but rather a trans-sexual.Marginalized people are often lumped together in odd alliances the general public sees fit to group people.Some of these are non-sensical,such as the ever popular "WOMEN AND OTHER MINORITIES",which in itself idiotic because as census data shows, the MAJORITY of the U.S. population is FEMALE!Again, Thank You sister for your kind words and good intentions.I really do appreciate them. Peace & Love, Shelli Anne {old hippie trans-chick} P.S., I hope you don't mind being"lumped together" in Sisterhood,it just makes for good vibes for us old hippie types.May the Goddess be with you,and all that jazz!!!
    (Rating: 5) Thanks! Very heplful!
    (Rating: 5) I cant thank you enough! You were very helpful!
    (Rating: 5) Thank you, I agree!
    (Rating: 5) Thank so much for not just jumping down my throat and calling me names! I have been looking into it more and someone I was talking with in person said something that really made sense to me: "Homophobia is a FEAR of homosexuals. If you aren't AFRAID of them, that you cannot be called that." I am not afraid of them, any more than I am afraid actors who have had one wife after another they cheated on. I don't approve of that lifestyle either, but there is no line of people waiting to call me an "scumball-actor-o-phobe!" :) Thanks!
    (Rating: 2) Your answer is very rude. I would never be rude to you. If you posted a question I would answer what you needed answered.
    (Rating: 5) Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. I'll take your advice.
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