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trisspoke (7:31:17 PM): make me your forum link!

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Hey everyone!

So I'm talking to this guy I met through an app called kik messenger. I'm really starting to like him, and he likes me ever since he met me, says he. We were talking about what we would do when we meet, and I told him Id like to cuddle with him on the couch while we watch a Kevin Hart movie or one of his stand-ups (really anything that involves Kevin Hart lol) and he said "yeah I'd love to do that!" and I said "really?" and he said "I love you..." then 2 seconds later, before I could even respond, he said "OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY THAT SLIPPED OUT! OH MY GOD!" and I wasn't sure how to respond. Then 2 days ago he said it again when I told him I could video chat with him. This time I said "?" after he said "I love you" and he said, more calmly this time, "oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that..." or something of that nature and again I had no idea how to respond.

I'm afraid that when we actually get to talk on oovoo that he'll say it again, and I really don't want to have an awkward silence. Does anyone know what I can say to him that won't make him uncomfortable? If you do that would be amazing.

Thanks to everyone in advance!

Tell him he's moving way too fast for you.

You should feel uncomfortable if someone you've never really met in person is confessing their love for you. That's not normal. Honestly, I'd have my guard up if I were you. It's likely he's either A) a weirdo or B) does this to every girl. Despite how well you might think you know this character, love has a whole lot to do with pheromones and all that good stuff that only comes into place when in person. He's neglecting that.

And on that note, do yourself a favor and avoid cuddling on a couch or doing anything in private the first time you meet him. The first few meetings you have with a stranger from the internet should be in a neutral, public space.

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When my ex and me met there was an amazing instant connection, he was everything Id ever wanted, completely perfect and we knew we were eachothers soulmates...I would have died for him. (Im 18 years to clarify) He took me out for meals, we had fun, spent everyday with eachother and for 7 amazing months were inseperable.
But 7 months in he got scared, I came back from a trip skiing and everything was re-ignited, he realised he loved me a lot and freaked out about me going to uni after my gap year (he was cheated on by his past 4 girlfriends) and said he wanted to get engaged after uni, but couldnt stand losing me to another guy there. I was devastated.
After he dumped me he slept with someone else (his choice, he was single), and came crying to me, saying he'd made a massive mistake and wanted what we had, he'd been an idiot.
I took him back, but it's not the same :/

He likes to keep his private life (me) and his social life (his friends) seperate.
He won't say he loves me because he's too scared of what it will mean.
We don't go out for meals anymore, its like Im a secret?
He always seems tired and never excited to see me...I only see him once a week for a few hours and I KNOW he has more time, he always used to make it for me.

I know he's being exclusive, but we're just stuck seeing eachother with him not acting like he really cares :( He says Im over emotional, and I do get upset about everything sometimes, but he used to cuddle me and tell me it'd be alright, and now he just gets angry :( He doesn't act romantic anymore and seems kind of bored with me :(

I'd still do anything for him, as I remember the guy he can be...I just don't understand what I should do? :(

Advice appreciated xx

This guy doesn't necessary sound like a bad person, but he does sound super immature. Getting scared and backing out of a relationship is something younger guys tend to do because they're scared of getting hurt or rushing into something their heart isn't fully in. They really just don't know what they want. It sounds like this guy doesn't either if he hooked up with one girl and then came crying back to you. Does that seem like someone who has a really great sense of self and what they stand for? Probably not. He's not going to be able to have a mature, stable relationship until he figures out if that's actually what he wants or not.

Now let's talk about the red flags that should be hinting that you need to hightail it out of there. He considers you his private life and not his social life? What kind of fuckery is that? If you're his girlfriend, he needs to include you in other areas of his life. He can't simply be intimate with you then refuse to be seen with you in public. He should want to incorporate you into his social circle. Furthermore, if he's too immature to say that he loves you because of "what it will mean," then you shouldn't be wasting your valuable time giving him your love and affection. A relationship needs to be a two-way street. You can't be the only one coming from a place of love. Finally, if you aren't going out anymore, it's safe to say the honeymoon is definitely over. Once it is, there needs to be something more than infatuation to keep a relationship together. There needs to be respect and understanding, and it doesn't seem like there's too much of that going around in your neck of the woods.

Leave the relationship. I know it's going to suck. You're going to spend months crying in bed. We've all been there before, and most of us will probably be there again. But you'll learn from this. You'll see that you don't need to be with someone who strings you along and plays with your emotions. You'll learn to stand on your own two feet. Go away to university single and don't promise ANYONE that you might get engaged afterwards. You need to be on your own to get a better sense of self, which will ultimately help you nurture mature relationships. You two have really outgrown each other, and now it's time to be on your own.

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16/f
ok ive never had a bf in my whole life and my friends are startin to pick on me and my mom is startin to worry about me never havin a bf. Is this normal cause im not sure ive just never met 'the one'. My friends go out with people all the time and try to hook me up with people i dont even know. Guys ask me out but i just dont have the heart to say yes. Is this normal, to be 16 and never have had a bf in whole life?
Please any advise will be very thankful!!

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17. Now, I'm in college and usually have more boy drama than I could have ever bargained for.

High school is just a really superficial place. If you were a little awkward or quirky when you were younger, often times your peers will refuse to overlook that stage. They're really just insecure themselves, but they might focus on the shortcomings of other people to take the focus off of their own flaws. As you get older, this attitude tends to disappear, and people will see you for you and be interested in dating you.

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Hi, so I bought some eos lipbalm today and I love it but I called my friend and she said that on the news (in Canada) the lipbalm was discontinued because there a deadly bacteria found in it, people have sued because of it and it would illegal to bring it back into Canada (where we both live) Is she telling the truth and should I stop using it if it is?

I haven't heard of it, and haven't been able to find anything on the internet about it. Many of the safety standards on products between the United States where eos is popular and Canada are similar because of NAFTA. It's doubtful that this is illegal. It's probably safe to bring back to Canada.

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I wear my hair natural during summer and the school year. I have hair that touches my shoulder and most of the time I wear it with a headband or scrunchie. Nothing too fancy.

My hair is like this sometimes: http://www.blackgirlhaircare.com/wpcontent/uploads/2011/03/natural-hair-braid-out.jpg

or I wear it in a ponytail.

It seems like everybody else I know think that my hair is cute and say I'm unique. But I get insulted during the school year by people my age. They ask me why I don't perm my hair, the guys are rude too. Not all of the kids are like that, but most of them.
I'm thinking wtf did I do? I just walk away because it was not worth starting an argument with bumbling idiots.
I just think it's a damn shame that it is like this :\

Unfortunately, we live in a society where white beauty triumphs all other beauty. We have been socialized to think this way for centuries in the United States. When you don't relax your hair, you're breaking the social norm, so people start to question it and question you. It's likely you make them feel insecure because you are willing to be true to yourself, while they are not. The boys are simply buying into the beauty ideals that the media is selling them: that only thin, white women, often with blonde straight hair and large breasts, can be considered beautiful. Kudos to you for having the all to walk away. Keep your head up. It sounds like you're in high school or grade school which really sucks for most people. Once you get out in the real world you will find people who accept you for your choices.

As a white women, I'm not an authority on this subject. For a more detailed answer, shoot a question to these tumblrs:

http://mochafleur.com/

http://brown-fat-owl.tumblr.com/

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Would you trust your significant other if they were living with their Ex boyfriend/girlfriend?

My boyfriend is still living with his ex girlfriend.. he claims they are just best friends and hes just living with her because their contract isn't up till october and he doesn't want to leave her stranded paying for the whole rent. They don't stay in the same room, but I don't know if I can trust them. He told me he was living with her and they were broken up a little while after he met me. He says that he can't put her out on the street.Should I trust my boyfriend that still lives with his ex-girlfriend?

That's sketchy as shit my friend. I understand this is a shitty economy, and no one necessarily wants to back out of a lease and have to continue to pay rent, continuing to live with an ex while dating someone new is all sorts of unhealthy for the psyches of everyone involved. Tell him to call you when he's living with someone else.

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Im not your average guy. I get attached easily, but I hide it well. All I want to do is care for a girl and treat her like the queen she is without being crushed. I want a commitment. I want to be nice, but nice guys always finish last. :(

I go through this cycle maybe twice a month. And my results are making myself more handsome or working out. But nothing works.

Let go of all this self-loathing "nice guys finish last" bullshit. Nice guys don't always finish last, you just hate yourself too much to think you deserve what you really want. Don't work on your body or your level of attractiveness. Work on your self-confidence and the way you feel about yourself, and the ladies will take notice.

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I am a shy guy. I dont know why I am that way but I lack this confidence to initiate a talk with any girl. Too many questions come to my mind and its gone.

One thing that bothers me is what is the usual or normal duration of an intercourse excluding the time spent on the fore-play.

I am curious because first and the last time I had an intercourse, it lasted merely 1 minute. Is it a normal duration as a first timer or how is it.
What effect does masturbation has or will have on this duration?

What are the possible solutions to enhance the duration of intercourse?
How can I improve my confidence?

The first time is generally a little bit shorter, so don't beat yourself up over it. Actually, the average duration of intercourse is somewhere between 3-10 minutes. This means you should actually be paying extra attention to foreplay so your partner can get the most pleasure out of any sexual encounter.

Masturbation will definitely help you last longer, but do keep in mind that the youth and inexperience that causes you to come quickly has some other perks. You'll probably be able to get it back up again quickly for round two.

There is no quick and easy way to improve your confidence but this could help:
http://www.askmen.com/money/body_and_mind_60/77b_better_living.html

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im 10 and im a female what should i talk about when on the phone with my boyfriend?

I'd probably talk about my puppy. She's so cute!

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Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost two years now and he is a great guy. I have nothing to complain about him. He treats me very well and I really do love him. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. There's only one catch though. I'm sexually bored. I never am in the mood with him anymore and I never feel like doing things or having sex. I feel bad because I love him to death and I know I should but I'm never in the mood. He took my virginity and for awhile after that I loved being "with" him. But now, it's different. Im not sure why I am like this. I really don't understand. I love him but I never want to have sex anymore or mess around. Why am I like this? And what can I do to get out of this funk?

Like adviceman said, this could be caused by your birth control. You should have a conversation with your OBGYN and consider switching to a non-hormonal form of birth control if this is seriously affecting your relationship.

If you're not on birth control you may have just grown bored and complacent in the relationship. Don't beat yourself up over it--it happens all the time. Right now you need to try to bring the spark back. The easiest way to do this is trying new things. This doesn't necessarily have to be sexual. Even trying a new restaurant while wearing sexy new perfume might be enough. The theory is new experiences get our adrenaline pumping and helps us become sexually interested in each other.

Spicing things up in the bedroom a little bit doesn't hurt either. Try to make your foreplay last a little longer, wear sexy lingerie, or convince your lover to give you a back massage to put you in the mood. Also, try having sex every day for a week with no exceptions. Doing it regularly might light that fire under you again.

If all else fails, consider if you can really be happy in a relationships where the sexual chemistry has gone away. If you can't get it back, it might be time to move on.

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I'm a high school girl who likes a guy one year older than me. He's in my band class, but we've never actually talked and I think he likes me. I admit that he has a really attractive body and a cute face, but I don't think it's only a physical infatuation because I've kind of picked up his personality from Facebook (his comments, statuses, his friends' comments,etc.) and he's so nice and mature and funny. I know this sounds kind of stalker-ish...-_- I always feel nervous around him and keep try to find out more about him like searching up his name on the soccer team roster or watching soccer games of his favorite teams that he liked on FB (im a soccer player too) and um..other stalkerish things haha. So, is it possible that I love him? and is there any way I can get to know him without being really awkward? Thanks a lot!

It may not only be a "physical infatuation", but it's still an infatuation. You don't love him. Love is much more complex than taking an interest in someone's hobbies based on what you saw on the internet.

Unlike the other response, I don't think you're a creep for Facebook stalking him. Any teenage girl that claims she's never Facebook stalked her love crush is a big, fat liar. It's what Facebook was created for (remember that scene in The Social Network when some rando asks Zuckerberg is the girl he likes is single and Zuckerberg has his epiphany to include relationship statuses on his website?). That being said, you're never going to date this kid if you're stalking him from afar and not interacting in the real world. At the very least, send him a facebook message to get the ball rolling if you aren't comfortable with speaking to him in person.

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I didn't pass my exam this morning at university and I'm so depressed.Even though I can sit for it again in two months,I feel like my chance was today and I missed it.Any piece of advice that helps me feel better?Why am I feeling so sad?I feel like doing just nothing,I'm just lying in my bed.

Failure is a big part of life. Every successful person can tell you that they failed multiple times in their life before reaching the place they are today. Anyone who has never failed in life has never tried.

Failure is not only inevitable, but it is important. We learn from experience in hopes that we won't repeat our mistakes in our future. What have you learned from this experience? Is there one area you could have focused on more while studying? Did you give yourself enough time to prepare for this test? Objectively examine what you did wrong so you can improve the next time you take the exam.

No one's going to blame you for lying in bed doing nothing. Give yourself an entire day to do just that, then get up and get your life together. Start studying again now and change your routine so you're getting 8 hours asleep every night, which will help you focus on the exam.

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when I was 15 I noticed that my penis was below the average size it should be so I hoped it would grow as I got older now im 18 and its still the same size will that make women laugh or walk away when im about to have sex pr do something with them?

Real talk: if you're good with your hands and mouth no women will give a single damn about the size of your penis.

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How do I get my ex bf talk to me again.
Pls help I will do anything to get him back

If he's your ex, you guys broke up for a reason. Count your losses and move on. Judging by your grammar, you aren't old enough to really be that concerned with a broken relationships. Listen to a bunch of Taylor Swift and find a new boy you're crazy about.

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What are some free dating sites you guys recommend? I've tried Zoosk and Okcupid.. Anything else? Anything better??

Match.com and EHarmony aren't free. Try PlentyOfFish and HowAboutWe. Beware of POF--I've heard some of the users are looking for more casual relations. There's also this really cool Tumblr where you can review your dates if you live in NYC http://stateofdate.tumblr.com/

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My school isn't very big, so it only offers 10 AP classes (I think). But anyway, for college admissions, how many is too many? Some kids take 5 or 6 classes and they end up being miserable. I want to have time to do other things in the areas I want to focus on (Science and Foreign Languages). Anyway, in my junior and senior years I can take 4 classes each (English, math, science, French). Is that too much? If it helps any, I'm planning on applying to several Ivy League schools. Thanks in advance!

The second answer is the correct answer: take AP classes that don't relate to your major. You want to exempt as many gen ed requirements as possible so you can get to work on your major as quickly as possible when you enter college. If you're applying to several Ivy League schools, I suggest you take as many APs as possible and sell your soul to Satan now, because I took 6 AP classes, scores of 4s and 5s on all of them, and still didn't get into the Ivy I applied to.

Also beware of what AP credits the colleges you're applying to will actually take. Some schools will only accept AP test scores of a 5, some will accept 3 and above. Similarly, some credits may not transfer over. I ran into this problem with my AP English Language and Composition class: all freshman at my school were required to take two writing courses anyway, so I couldn't use the credit I learned in AP English to exempt a class. Don't waste your time on classes where the credits won't transfer.

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I've been on birth control for almost 2 whole months, I'm halfway through my period and my boyfriend and I had sex. He was about to ejaculate and the condom broke. Could I become pregnant?

Could you be pregnant? Yes. Is it likely that you're pregnant? No.

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I am 18 and female and am never going to have sex, is that such a problem? I think sex is gross!
I also think losing my virginity will hurt really bad and I don't want to ever have sex

But I think that no guy is ever going to want to be with me once I tell them that I never want to have sex

Do you think that a guy will leave if I tell them I don't want to have sex?

Have you heard of asexuality? While this desire to never have sex might just be a phase, it's possible that you could identify as asexual. Asexuals can be homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, or pansexual just like anybody else, but they do not express love or desire in a physical way. For more information on the subject check out this website:

http://www.asexuality.org/home/

This specific part of the site gives a much better explanation on what asexuality is than what I provided:

http://www.asexuality.org/home/overview.html

It will definitely be difficult to find a man who respects your choice, but there are some out there. You might be more comfortable finding someone who, like you, does not feel any desire to have sex.

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During foreplay when I go down on my man, I never know if you're suppose to blow him until he comes, or just stay down there for a couple minutes to get him warmed up before we start to have sex. I've gone down on him until he finished, but once he entered me, he was already tired and couldn't pump anymore which made me get nothing out of it. So my question is, what do the guys expect to receive when girls go down on them begore intercourse? Please help!

If you want to have sex afterwards, stop before he cums.

Matt said it more eloquently.

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Well,Im 14 and me and my boyfriend have already spoke about how we feel for eachother and how we want to spend our lives together,i know many say your too young to be thinking about it let alone discussing it,But we really love eachother and he said if we last a few more weeks he will propose to me. Honestly i don't know what to do,i mean i love him alot and weve been together for a while now but im not to sure how to react.i dont know wether to say yes so we have a long time to talk about our future or say no and deal with it when were a btit older.Any ideas?

It really does not matter whether you say yes or no because you aren't going to marry him anyway.

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