Hey, I'm Melody! I've been giving advice on and off since 2003. I'm a 23 year old military wife, expecting a baby boy in August, and working on my Bachelor's degree. :)

Oh, and ask me anything!


Hey guys,

I'm going to be moving to California for a job and I'm starting to think about how much I can afford on a apartment among other things. I'm a single female and I'll be making about $50,000. So I was wondering how much of that would be taken in taxes and what I'd actually be able to spend. I tried and I don't know if I can trust it. As a test I used my current salary and it said I made about $7,500 less than I do now after taxes (even though things like retirement and such are taken from my paycheck currently). I checked with the new salary and it said I'd make $20,000... It sounds too crazy that $30,000 will be taken in taxes...

If you're a California resident, can you please give me an estimate on how much I can expect to make? One coworker said it's safe to assume that half my paycheck will be gone which is awful... Any advice would be good. Or if you have a site you know is more accurate.

Also, I'll be moving out of the house with this move to a new state so I want to make sure I can afford to support myself.

I\'m not from California.


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Is it possible to get a rental car with 100$ in NYC?

Very doubtful.. NYC is incredibly expensive. Try going through your insurance company (enterprise is a favorite of mine) and see what they can do for you.

Otherwise I recommend using the subway! Enjoy NYC the New Yorker way. Traffic is horrible there anyway. I imagine it is even worse during Labor Day weekend.

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I would like to state that I am a 20 year old adult. I cut and have since I was 13. I'm not depressed but am going through a very stressful time. I know this issue may be more common in younger teenagers but I'm an adult and am not in the same mentality as a younger individual so, please take that into consideration to those of you who are kind enough to help me. when I was younger I tried to seek help but with my experience asking for help did more harm than good so i haven't told anyone since I was 13. This issue has carried on with me and hasn't gone away and I don't know how to stop. I've tried many times to stop but all I have managed to do is get better control over it at times. I've thought about going to counseling but am scared because of my prior experience and wonder if it is even necessary. i have a hard time sleeping without cutting because I feel so overwhelmed. sometimes when I do I'm happy. I don't understand why I do or why I cant stop.
Thank you for the help

I started cutting when I was 13 as well (I'm 22 now). I cut quite regularly for a good 2 or 3 years. Eventually my mama sent me to a therapist. Unlike you, I didn't have a particularly negative experience, but it wasn't positive either. Counseling did not help me either way. They tried putting me on medication (Zoloft) which did nothing for me. So eventually I stopped going.

My need to cut was quite strong throughout high school. Any time I felt stressed or overwhelmed I would cut; it became a part of my everyday routine before I knew it. It's an addiction. That's the first thing you have to realize (which you seem to have done).

If going to a professional counselor is an option for you, then by all means do it. Keep searching until you find someone you are comfortable with.

As an adult, the urge for me to cut is still there when I get into a situation I feel helpless in. But I literally force myself not to. I just tell myself "Why? What's the point? What good is it going to do?" I find one reason I want to cut the most is because I need a way to release my pent up emotions (whether it be anger, sadness, anxiety) and cutting seems like the best way to release these feelings. Find something else to do. Go for a run, do something that keeps your mind and your hands focused on something else (color, draw, play a video game). Do this until the urge passes. Everyday you don't cut reward yourself. Jot it down somewhere, and find a goal; ie, "when I get to a week without cutting, I'll reward myself with so & so"

You can do it. Others have done it before, and as an adult YOU are in charge of your destiny and actions.

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How long Do you Put Ice On Your Hickey ?

I assume until it melts.

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I used to have sex with my girlfriend always, but when we broke up obviously we couldn't anymore. I got a new girlfriend but she's frigid. Dunno what to do?
Men, answer plz

I am a woman, but I am answering anyway!

Talk to your new girlfriend. See where she stands on sex. If she tells you she doesn't want to have sex until marriage, don't pressure her. These are her values, and it would be wrong to try & change them. You will just look like a douche bag. And trust me, she will let other girls know about your douche-baggery :)
If she says she's interested in sex, but not right now, give her time. Let her get to know you and form a relationship first. Tell her to let you know when she's ready.

If sex is that important to you, and she's just not interested, you should probably consider finding someone with similar interests as you. It may sound wrong to "break up with someone because she wouldn't have sex with you" but in my opinion it would be worse to try and pressure her into it.

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I am really not sure of their friendship I mean we hung out and stuff but I've only dated my ex for 2-3 weeks so it's not like I know my ex well enough to figure out who his best friend is...

All I know is they play football sometimes, go out to eat... and yeah... friend from high school...

Oh by the way I am 21/f...

I really don't think you owe your ex anything. He is your ex for a reason, after all.

However, if you are interested in dating your ex's friend, it's probably a good idea to consider how you would feel if a friend of yours dated him. If that would bother you, it will probably bother him as well. Be sure to discuss it with your potential suitor as well. If a relationship was to evolve, would it be awkward for the parties involved? Is it worth going through?

Just some things to think about.

I was rated a 5

My bestfriend is starting to annoy me. She constantly complains about her life being terrible but I know for a fact it isn't that bad. Her family is so nice and she treats them like shit. I know she just wants attention so I'm not giving it to her. It's starting to ruin our friendship though because she's clingy and doesn't want me to have other friends. I'm hanging out with new people because she's not fun to be around anymore. I want to tell her life isn't that bad but I know she's going to freak out and I don't want to deal with it. She's selfish and thinks she's the only one with problems but all her problems could be solved if she tried. I'm going through a lot and I can't deal with this anymore. It's to the point where I don't want to be friends with her anymore if this is how she is going to be.

I am not liking the advice you got before you me at all. I think that is an extremely immature way to handle the situation.

Next time she starts complaining, tell her how you feel! You obviously have bottled up feelings regarding her, which is making you resentful. This could be why you don't want her as a friend anymore. Maybe you will feel differently once you get this off your chest. Just tell her, in a nice way, that A) since she discusses this with you so much you assume she values your opinion; which is that she is overreacting and should be grateful for her family and the life she has, and,
B) you have other friends. She can either accept that fact and get over it, or wallow in self pity and stay mad about it. It doesn't change the fact that you have other friends besides her. Be sure to let her know that this doesn't mean you care about her any less, but that having other friends is healthy and encourage her to make new friends as well.

Good luck!

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I know I have a good life. I have a family that loves me, I have a lot of good friends, I get good grades in school,etc. but for some reason, I still get depressed a lot. A couple years ago, I was having extreme self esteem issues (which led to an eating disorder) and problems with my relationship with my parents and I started cutting myself. And the only people I could talk to about it weren't helping me in the way I needed. My parents don't understand what I went through then. They thought I was overreacting when I tried getting help from them.

It was hard, but I finally started to pull myself out of that state. The thing that helped the most was distracting myself with school and extracurricular activities. I've finally realized that I don't want to that anymore, but I still get depressed a lot and I get really moody around everybody. My relationship with my parents has gotten better in some ways, but I get in fights with them a lot. I can't help it sometimes.

I was doing a lot better this year because I started my freshman year (I'm year ahead in school) and I was busy with band too. I met a ton of new people and I started becoming friends with a senior. We got really close and we flirted a lot too. He made it seem like he really cared about me. And then, out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. I thought he needed a little space and that he would talk to me when he was ready. Days turned into weeks which turned into months. And I got no answer. I spent 6 months thinking that I did something wrong. I recently found out that he did something similar to my best friend too. But even knowing that he is a jerk hasn't made me feel any better.

Maybe I just set myself up for failure. I try to have confidence, but I get my hopes up and as much as I try, I am never as good or can compare to the people around me. I just got through applying for an student engineering camp through a university. I got this idea in my head that I could actually get in. I worked so hard, but I know it's going to be good enough. I don't know how I would deal with not making it in. I don't want to be the person I was 2 years ago. I guess I just need somebody to tell me everything's gonna be okay.

Of course everything is going to be okay, but I think you already knew that. :)

You seem to be a very level headed thirteen year old. This is rare. In my opinion, the age you are at right now is the hardest age to go through. Your emotions and hormones are going absolutely haywire, and you are just beginning to discover yourself and who you are going to be as a teenager and an adult. I felt like an adult at thirteen. I thought the depression (yes I was going through it as well) was something I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I thought I knew who I was, where I was going in life, etc. The truth is, I was so wrong. I am a completely different person now at 21 then I ever was at thirteen. And I am sure that at age thirty I will say the same thing. As humans we are constantly evolving, finding ourselves, and learning from our mistakes. I don't think this ever fully stops to be honest. You mess up, you take a life lesson from it, you don't do that again, and you repeat. Over and over and over again until the very end.

Cutting yourself, as well as dealing with depression are two things that I could go on about forever, but I don't want to make this response too terribly long. If you would like advice on these things, please inbox me.

Otherwise, as far as the boy trouble goes, you will have your heart broken time and time again in high school. You'll probably break some hearts as well. That's part of growing up. It's important to let yourself be sad about it for a little while, and then pick yourself up and move on because it's not the last time that's going to happen. Chalk it up to experience, like I said, and move on. Eventually you will find the guy that's right for you.

And regardless of whether or not you get into the camp, congratulations! You took the initiative to apply, which is more than a lot of people can say. As with the boys, you will be rejected for things like this many times, but eventually you will get a YES if you keep trying and keep your head up. And remember,

"Shoot for the moon...even if you miss, you will land among the stars!"

This advice is very scatterbrained. I apologize for that. But hopefully you will find some good advice in there somewhere. :D

I was rated a 5

Hey there(: well in a couple of days me, my mom, and dad are going to go to an amusement park btw in 14/f and well I'm an only child and it's embarrasing to go on vacations with your mom an dad and that's it when you see
Other kids your age with Boyfriends or friends, Well I'm trying to convince them to let me bring a friend but I'm pretty sure they won't let me. So I'll feel REALLLY akward, having to ride rides and stuff with my mommy when other people my age are with friends or boyfriends and it's embarrasing. Sodo you have any tips just in case they don't let me have a friend, to look I guess you can say cool and stuff even tho I have to be with y parents. I mean I always feel that way on vacation and everything. And no they won't let me go around by myself. So do you have any tips on how to look cool and stuff. Instead of people thinking ha look at her with her mommy an daddy and stuff. Because they do look at me weird. I've seen them. So please help me!!! Thanks(:

They are probably looking at you weird because you feel awkward & it shows. So, people look at you funny. Forget other people. Especially people you don't even know. If you are having a good time like the people around you, no one's going to look at you weird.

There are kids your age that don't get to take vacations at all, so you should be grateful that your parents take you on them. Enjoy this time with your family now, because one day you will be praying to have this time back. It's a family vacation, so go with your family and have a good time.

I'm sure this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it is the way it is. Talk to your parents about how you feel, and discuss taking a friend a long on the next vacation. Just a thought.

I was rated a 5

mylast period was march 30th,nd its now may 2nd and i have not gotten a period for april,im 35yrs old,i took a $1 pregnancy test and it came bck negative am i pregnant

There is a chance you are pregnant, yes. However if you waited over a month before testing then odds are you probably aren't. People do often misread pregnancy tests however, so my advice to you is to wait a month. If you still haven't started, take another test. If you still don't get your period, you need to see a doctor. They can do a blood test a completely rule out a pregnancy and give you an explanation as to why you haven't been getting your period.

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So lately my life has taken a turn and three guys who I happened to all like asked me out on dates.
I've gone out with one of them a few times and I really like him. He's barely 21 and I am 18. He's a way sweet and cute guy and we have a ton in common.

On the other hand this guy who is a year or two younger asked me to his prom and I said yes. The thing is where I live people just don't go out on dates with multiple people. I want to date around and I don't want anything serious how do I tell these two guys that's what I want? The older guy will probably understand but I'm worried about the other one. The third guy has already passed it by me that he doesn't want a one on one dating experience either.

I feel a bit sleazy doing this but at this time in my life I am too young to be in a relationship.
How do I clear this up with these two lovely guys?

If you aren't in a committed relationship, technically you don't have to clear anything up. Until one of these guys asks you exclusively out, you really don't owe an explanation to any of them in my opinion.

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hi ! my name is kamil and i am from Pakistan.i just wanna ask you some questions.but first i am going to tell my story ..i am a student in a collage .in my collage i have many friends .but in the last 6 months of my collage i had made a new friend.she is very pretty and beautiful & very intelligent .i am in love with her but she is committed with someone else.when ever i sit with her she always talk about her boyfriend .in 6 months she talk 90% about that person.his boy friend is not treating him nicely .she always cry and share her issuse with me .due to this i got angry one day .and i insulted her very badly .due to which she left me.and i appologyies her many times but she is not repling me plz help me. ! give me some suggestions

Message her and let her know where you stand. Tell her that you care about her deeply, and it hurts you to see her upset. Let her know that you kept your feelings to yourself, but ended up exploding as saying things you didn't mean. Tell her you know there is no excuse for your reaction, but that you don't want to lose her as a friend.

She may choose to forgive you and she may not. Either way you just have to let her know.

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What is EVERY SINGLE EOS Lip Balm flavor? And I mean EVERY. Like in USA, Canada, China, anywhere!
Please tell me. And give me the source

They have put out a lot that are limited edition.

However here is the lip balm flavors that they currently offer:

summer fruit
lemon drop spf 15
strawberry sorbet
honeysuckle honeydew
medicated tangerine
sweet mint

The above information came from the their website:

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Hi everyone! So heres the deal. Theres this guy that I have been talking to for about a month now. We havent been able to go out on a official date due to the fact that I work long hours (which he doesnt like). So we had arranged to go out on Sat. night. But then, my cousin won tickets to a concert that I have been dying to go to. So I cancelled plans with him, and now he is super mad and acting like a child. Dump him or no?

What you did isn't cool. You should never cancel plans with someone just because something better came along. That's just rude! Not to mention it makes you look unreliable.

IMO, he has every reason to be mad. If you disagree maybe you should dump him. Otherwise my gut tells me he'll end up dumping you.

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I'm 17 years old and I have a boyfriend now, but then there is this guy I use to talk to and decided to contact me again after one month. I don't want to inform him that i'm in a relationship. He asked me why I have not spoken to him and all I said is " I felt as if you were pushing me away ". He tells me he has been busy and that he misses me. How should I signal him that i'm not interested in being with him?

You should just tell him the truth. Let him know that it's nice to know where he stands, but that unfortunately you've already moved on.

If you aren't careful you'll end up losing both guys. Trust me!

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so i'm 18 years old (female) and i've noticed for a while that i'm finding alot of girls really attractive and sometimes sexually attractive. I've never kissed a girl or anything of that sort just guys, and well how do u know if you're bisexual? Someone once told me it could just be my hormones or i just look at other girls and compare them to me and admire them, but i'm not too sure

You are 18. Essentially, you are an adult, and as an adult you get to make your own decisions in life. Even if that decision is being indecisive.

What I mean is, it's okay to not know. A lot of people think sexuality is black and white. I'm not one of them. Personally, I am straight. But I also don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to the opposite sex. Whether that means you are just sexually attracted to the opposite sex or you like both. I also don't think there is anything wrong with appreciating a woman for being beautiful, or attractive, even in a sexual manner. That doesn't mean you have to act on those feelings. It just means you also don't think sexuality has to be black and white either.

Who cares if you are homosexual, heterosexual, bi-sexual, tri-sexual (someone who will try anything once! HAHA), or whatever. Just be you. Don't worry to much about what you are, just be it. Maybe one day you will be able to classify yourself into one of the above categories, and maybe you won't.

But really, how important is it?

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i have redish blond brown hair that's washed out looking, i dont know how to make my hair look sexy when curling it and its short, its about the length up to my shoulders/chin? and i have brown eyes, i have no idea what makeup idea i should go with, i've looked up so many and i can't find the right one. i have an oval shaped face, and i biggish nose. im pregnant and don't feel sexy at all! please help.

The previous answer was great, I just wanted to add that if you want one of those quads the person below me was talking about, Almay is a great brand to look into. They have quads, eyeliners, and mascaras all made to compliment eye colors.

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I found these shoes on a blog website & have fallen in love.

It's hard to say exactly where they came from, but I would imagine that UrbanOutfitters would have the same, if not extrememly similiar pair. Try their website.

Other options may be Forever21, Aldo, or Topshop.

I was rated a 5

What does it mean when someone says your'e emotionally retarded?

I'm not sure that's an actual term. More than likely it's a word someone has made up at some point or another to describe someone.

My educated guess would be that it means someone doesn't understand or act on his/her emotions well. They may wear their hearts on their sleeve or not understand what being in a relationship would mean.

Either way I wouldn't put much thought into the meaning. More or less it means nothing. :]

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Im leaving for 2 months to visit dad during summer holidays in december,been with my bf for 5 but have know each other for 8 months.We both want to stick together but during summer theres always partys new years etc that are on. What if something bad happens? will he find someone new or do something silly? will I .. could it end badly if I leave? everythings great now

In situations like this I think it's best to just let time take it's course. If you guys are in a happy relationship just see where it goes from there. If something bad happens, then end it. But don't stop a good thing because of what COULD happen.

Good luck!

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