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Question Posted Friday June 15 2012, 5:38 pm

I know I have a good life. I have a family that loves me, I have a lot of good friends, I get good grades in school,etc. but for some reason, I still get depressed a lot. A couple years ago, I was having extreme self esteem issues (which led to an eating disorder) and problems with my relationship with my parents and I started cutting myself. And the only people I could talk to about it weren't helping me in the way I needed. My parents don't understand what I went through then. They thought I was overreacting when I tried getting help from them.

It was hard, but I finally started to pull myself out of that state. The thing that helped the most was distracting myself with school and extracurricular activities. I've finally realized that I don't want to that anymore, but I still get depressed a lot and I get really moody around everybody. My relationship with my parents has gotten better in some ways, but I get in fights with them a lot. I can't help it sometimes.

I was doing a lot better this year because I started my freshman year (I'm year ahead in school) and I was busy with band too. I met a ton of new people and I started becoming friends with a senior. We got really close and we flirted a lot too. He made it seem like he really cared about me. And then, out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. I thought he needed a little space and that he would talk to me when he was ready. Days turned into weeks which turned into months. And I got no answer. I spent 6 months thinking that I did something wrong. I recently found out that he did something similar to my best friend too. But even knowing that he is a jerk hasn't made me feel any better.

Maybe I just set myself up for failure. I try to have confidence, but I get my hopes up and as much as I try, I am never as good or can compare to the people around me. I just got through applying for an student engineering camp through a university. I got this idea in my head that I could actually get in. I worked so hard, but I know it's going to be good enough. I don't know how I would deal with not making it in. I don't want to be the person I was 2 years ago. I guess I just need somebody to tell me everything's gonna be okay.

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alexisgirlie answered Saturday June 16 2012, 5:31 pm:
First of all, sweetie, you should know that it's not your fault that you're depressed, but you seem to be working very hard to combat it. That's good. It's not fair that you should have to deal with all that, you are so young, and have your whole life ahead of you. If getting help before didn't help you, then those people aren't right for you. Finding the right therapist will change your life. You can take out a book about DBT from your local library. DBT has wonderful tips on how to deal with depression without cutting. I'm bipolar, so I get depressed a lot, but I've discovered two tips that really help me overcome it. 1:Keeping to a healthy diet and exercising. It is crucial to your mental health, in ways that you can't imagine. It boosts your self esteem, and makes you feel glad to be alive. 2: laughter; laughing is a great way to combat depression. It's like a temporary medicine.
Always remember that if you fight to reclaim your special place in this world, and fight for things you really want, you will be happy again, and things won't just be "okay", they'll be great! Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon :)

[ alexisgirlie's advice column | Ask alexisgirlie A Question

adviceman49 answered Saturday June 16 2012, 11:32 am:
Yours is a very complex question. First you most likely are suffering from a form of depression, more on this in a minute. You are an over achiver, nothing wrong with this. You are a grade ahead of kids your own age, could be at the cause of self-image problem. Your 13 in the begining stages of puberty and hormonally imbalanced, effects most of what you have written about.

Teenage depression is very really. Over all 1 in 6 people suffer from some type of depression. For girls the root causes of depression, which is stress, is more evident, as they feel more stress due to the many changes they suffer with puberty than boys do.

If you were an adult I would say you were more of a type "A" personality with a stress disorder. But your not an adult, your a young teenager who has placed a great deal of added stress on herself results in a form of depression. I'm not a doctor and can't make a diagnoses but I have suffered from this form of depression.

To answer your question: Things will get better. You need to have another talk with your parents though for you need to be properly diagnosed. There is no shame here as this is more medical than anything else. If I'm correct in my thinking and you are suffering from teenage depression help is inessence just around the corner.

Once diagnosed the doctor can decide if medication is required or just talk therapy. Talk therapy with a therapist trained in this area gives you a confidant you can talk to about anything and it stays with him or her. No one can be told what is duscussed in therapy. This is how you learn to let go of the stress.

If you cannot talk with your parents than possibly a grandparent or Aunt or Uncle is there that you can talk to who will talk to your parents. Or when you return to school in the fall you can talk to a guidence counselor.

[ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question

sivarocky answered Saturday June 16 2012, 5:30 am:
recovery for you require action .taking action during this time may be difficult.take small goal and accompolish it .the energy you put in recovery will get back you soon.dont be lonely and isolate.develop close relationships with your family members and other good friends.practice yoga, meditation,keep stress in check,sleep 8 hours a day,do exercise ,do whatever you enjoy ,eat healthy and mood boosting diet.thinking about your past is waste of time just come out of it,but slowly that will go out of your mind.just think positive .consult a professional if your condition worse

[ sivarocky's advice column | Ask sivarocky A Question

Melody answered Friday June 15 2012, 7:30 pm:
Of course everything is going to be okay, but I think you already knew that. :)

You seem to be a very level headed thirteen year old. This is rare. In my opinion, the age you are at right now is the hardest age to go through. Your emotions and hormones are going absolutely haywire, and you are just beginning to discover yourself and who you are going to be as a teenager and an adult. I felt like an adult at thirteen. I thought the depression (yes I was going through it as well) was something I was going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. I thought I knew who I was, where I was going in life, etc. The truth is, I was so wrong. I am a completely different person now at 21 then I ever was at thirteen. And I am sure that at age thirty I will say the same thing. As humans we are constantly evolving, finding ourselves, and learning from our mistakes. I don't think this ever fully stops to be honest. You mess up, you take a life lesson from it, you don't do that again, and you repeat. Over and over and over again until the very end.

Cutting yourself, as well as dealing with depression are two things that I could go on about forever, but I don't want to make this response too terribly long. If you would like advice on these things, please inbox me.

Otherwise, as far as the boy trouble goes, you will have your heart broken time and time again in high school. You'll probably break some hearts as well. That's part of growing up. It's important to let yourself be sad about it for a little while, and then pick yourself up and move on because it's not the last time that's going to happen. Chalk it up to experience, like I said, and move on. Eventually you will find the guy that's right for you.

And regardless of whether or not you get into the camp, congratulations! You took the initiative to apply, which is more than a lot of people can say. As with the boys, you will be rejected for things like this many times, but eventually you will get a YES if you keep trying and keep your head up. And remember,

"Shoot for the moon...even if you miss, you will land among the stars!"

This advice is very scatterbrained. I apologize for that. But hopefully you will find some good advice in there somewhere. :D

[ Melody's advice column | Ask Melody A Question

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