Kendra is a young woman working as a professional in Toronto. She's a cat lover, a bookworm and has always had a deeply rooted interest in people, love and what happens when the former attempts the later.
She's been in three long term relationships, lost her mother when she was 16 and has lived through her father's alcoholism and drug abuse. She's a college graduate in journalism and art, has a quirky personality and has acquired some realistic yet romantic beliefs about love and relationships.
She lives with her boyfriend. Life may not have always been good, but it is good now.
Gender: Female
Location: Ontario
Member Since: August 22, 2008
Answers: 207
Last Update: February 14, 2013
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Hi i am married for the pass 2 an half yaers and have ababy of 7months from the time i had my baby whenever i have sex with my husband i bleed last night even i was bleeding but as we wear done it stopd as i washed my self i do get a little pain but after that i am fine i did go to my doctor she told me after the baby you didnot regur have sex thats why try to do it 2times a week so i did that but still i bleed and i fell weak even my leg i cant feel if i am standing i dont konw wat to do (link)
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So, you had a baby seven months ago and now when you have sex you bleed? I'd be curious how long this has been going on for, but bleeding during sex is not healthy or normal. It's possible you have an STI. Get yourself screened, and if possible a new doctor.
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im 15 can my mom force me to get an abortion or adopt my babay? i dont want to please help im 5 weeks pregnant.I did it so i kno i have to deal with it. (link)
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No, you cannot be forced into either one, legally.
To abort, you need to speak privately with a counsellor at the clinic and they will ask you if this is what you want. You can tell them no, and they will not perform the abortion. They are obligated to respect your wishes.
To adopt, you are the one who would have to sign the papers. Your mom would also have to, I think, because you're so young, but without your consent, your child stays with you.
Now, she can decide whether or not you live in her house, which could complicate the decision to parent your baby. By the time you're 16, you're in a legal grey area in terms of being a minor and being an adult, making it easier for your mom to kick you out.
Have you talked to your mom about this, or are these your fears? How about your dad? Aunts, uncles, grandparents? Are there other people you can also talk to or depend on to help you?
Parenting requires hundreds of dollars a month just for baby supplies, plus you'll need child care to continue school (without an education, you'll never be able to support your kid down the road). Look into high schools that support teen moms and offer daycares (They're out there). Look into parenting classes (ask your doctor). Scout thrift stores for used baby clothes and ask around your family to see if they have any used baby stuff of theirs you can have.
You're in for a major life change. Let your mom know your plans when you talk to her about this. Ask for her help and be prepared to talk to her about all these ideas I've just mentioned. Good luck.
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I have not gotten my period in over a week late, but i have never had sex with my boyfriend. What is wrong? i cant be pregnant right? im scared pease help. (link)
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If you've never had sex, then don't worry about pregnancy.
Changes in exercise routines or stress can jostle a period around. Some women skip periods regularly. It's hard to say why you didn't get yours in over a week, but I wouldn't worry. This is common. Some women are like clockwork, others are all over the place.
Do some cardiovascular exercise and try to de-stress. Lots of movement can help an expected period along, and stress can potentially make a late period later.
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ok so i took emergency contraception like a week and a half ago...after 5 days of taking it my period came ...but heres the thing....
i first got my period on february 7th until february 12th ...on february 12th i had sex...and on february 16th i got a condom slip...so i was scared and eventho i know probably ovulation havent occured by that time,,,i took emergency contraception on the 16th.. after around 5 days..i got my period again ! i know this pill can cause your period to be early...so i had it and ended on february 24th....then on the 25 the period ended apparently i had no bleeding etc...BUT on the 26th (yesterday) i had sex and i started bleeding ! i dont know if this is realted to the fact ive had sex about 8 times and i just lost my virginity about 2 weeks ago ..so i dont know if this bleeding could be caused by maybe he didnt broke my hymen the first times? i must admit it stopped hurting..sex..and yesterday it hurt again, alot and i was bleeding ..but looked like a period bleeding cause it was quiet alot ! but it stopped it was only for a little while....
should i be worrying about possible pregnancy? since i just ended my "fake period" induced by emergency contraception...and is it normal that people bleed after sex when they just recently started having sex? i must say the first time i had sex i didnt bleed at all...and also the next ones..but until now the 8th time i bled :S not like a loooot but it was quiet alot i thought i was getting my period again or something ...after being off from it for 1 day..
please im very confused any advice would be good, im starting oral contraception but not until i get my next period :S (link)
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Wow. Okay, so there's a lot of complex things going on here, and this is a hard time line to follow. I also don't know entirely what you mean by this, "on february 12th i had sex...and on february 16th i got a condom slip...so i was scared and eventho i know probably ovulation havent occured by that time,,,i took emergency contraception on the 16th.. after around 5 days."
So I'm just going to give you some facts:
If you take emergency contraception, you need to take it ASAP. If you wait longer than three days after sex, then there is no point in taking it at all. It doesn't induce an abortion, it will only prevent a pregnancy. Taking it within 24 hours is best. Taking it in three days is a last-ditch effort that still might work.
Once an egg is fertilized, then it has to implant itself in the uterus. That is when a woman becomes pregnant. The emergency pill is a high-packed BC pill which will prevent the implantation from taking place, if indeed there is a fertilized egg there at all. It will also prevent you from ovulating-- if you haven't already ovulated.
The window of time from when sex occurrs to a pregnancy beginning is about three days. Sperm can live that long in your body and if you ovulate within that time, then your egg can get fertilized. Waiting longer than three days won't do anything to prevent anything. You either didn't get pregnant and you're pumping your body full of hormones, which can affect your period that month, OR you're already pregnant and nothing will happen.
If you had your period after having sex, then you're not pregnant. If you're bleeding while having sex, you need to get yourself examined. It's not healthy for that to happen, and it indicates something might be wrong. You may have an STD. Symptoms of chlamydia, for example, show up around 1-3 weeks after initial exposure, and one of the symptoms is bleeding during sex. Stop having sex until you see a doctor and get tested. Condoms don't always work, and it does sound like you had a slip-up.
If you're worried about pregnancy, ask them to test you at the doctor's for that as well, and you can kill two birds with one stone. Make sure you discuss your birth control method with your doctor, too. He or she can guide you in making safe and reliable choices.
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18 female
Okay so I've been with my boyfriend for 5 months and it is absolutely the most perfect relationship. We have been having sex since month 2 and we always use a condom. My period has ALWAYS been on time. However, my period is a week late right now and I don't know what to do. I didn't have unprotected sex but I am starting to get worried. Need advice! (link)
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Using condoms is smart, but they're not 100% effective. Using old and expired condoms, condoms that have been in extreme cold or heat (think sitting in a glove compartment in a car), condoms that have gone through the wash or have been sitting a wallet getting bent-- can all lead to breakage. Also incorrect use lowers their effectiveness.
And even when you're perfect, there's still the chance of getting a faulty one.
So could you be pregnant? Maybe. It's possible. You're late enough that you can take a pregnancy test, so I'd haul ass over now to get some answers. Put yourself out of your misery and find out for sure. It's also very possible that you're not. Nothing like reading a negative on a pregnancy test to help you sleep at night.
I'd also look into another additional method of birth control, because the odds of getting pregnant while using two methods is ridiculously low. Discuss it with your doctor.
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My girlfriend found out she's pregnant two weeks ago. When she told me she immediately said she was going to abort it and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I tried to tell her that I really would love to raise the baby, with or without her around.
I think she's making a drastic decision. I feel like if she seriously goes through with getting rid of the baby we created together then I'll be forced to dump her. I love her but I wouldn't be able to get over this sort of thing. We've been together for 2 years and this cold side of her is completely new to me. It's like I don't know her at all now.
I understand her not wanting to be a mom right now. I'm 22 and she's 21 and so we have a lot of time to make those sorts of family decisions. I would love to be a father already though, even if it means raising my son or daughter as a single parent. I know I could do it, and I would never make her be a part of raising him or her if she didn't want to.
I have a really good, reliable job. I have my own apartment. I have a great family support system. I'm in good health. I have a few younger brothers and sisters so I know what it means to bring home a newborn. I know I could do this, and it's what I want.
How can I convince her to give birth? I know about the rights of the woman and "her choice" but what about the rights of the man? I helped make this baby with her. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life, alone or otherwise, raising him or her. I want this baby. Is there anything, absolutely anything, I can do to keep him or her around? Somehow get some sort of custody? Please, help me. She has an appointment coming up and she just won't listen to what I have to say about this. She just has to give birth and from there I will take care of rest of the baby's life. Why won't she just listen? (link)
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Unfortunately, you cannot take over this pregnancy yourself. Unless science devises a way for this to be possible, you can only voice your opinion.
Being pregnant can permanently change a woman's body. It can be uncomfortable, painful, and life-threatening. Giving birth is 13% more likely to kill you than an abortion (http://www.guttmacher.org/sections/abortion.php?pub=sheets). Being pregnant is no small matter. Delivering a baby is a gigantic and life-changing (sometimes life-ending) matter. Medical science has dramatically reduced the number of women who die from childbirth, but it's still a real possibility.
There's also the very real potential for an episiotomy, C-section, gestational diabetes, hypertension, postpartum depression and many other issues, all just from getting pregnant and giving birth. It's no walk in the park and without feeling ready to go through it, it's to much to demand of a person. A woman who has no desire whatsoever to be pregnant cannot usually be persuaded to change her mind.
Having you raise the baby would be a solution for not wanting to be a parent, but does not solve the problem of her not wanting to be pregnant.
You can keep trying to talk to her about it, but I'd lose the "She's cold" attitude. She doesn't feel up to these very real risks I've just outlined. That's her prerogative. I think your best bet is to educate yourself on what a pregnancy and parenting entails. I think you're not being realistic.
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I'm 15 and I'm pregnant. I know it's not ideal. I know it's a bad situation. I'm not happy or proud of what I did. It's something I know I have to deal with though.
I told my mom two days ago that I am pregnant. She was really mad at me and told me that we'd get rid of "it" soon enough then.
I tried to tell her it's not what I want. I want to take responsibility. I know it's a hard road. I don't want to kill my baby or "get rid of it." I want this baby and I want to do my best with him or her.
My mom says I'm being stupid and on Monday she's going to call the clinic to schedule an appointment to have an abortion done.
I get where she's coming from, but it is NOT what I want to do. I want to give birth and raise my kid the best I can. I'm not perfect. Nobody is. I just want to try my best.
They always say it's 'my body and my choice' but I feel like my mom isn't giving me a choice here. It's my mistake and I want to do what I think is best. It's my baby I am carrying. I don't want to have an abortion. What do I do? How can I get help so she doesn't make me get one? (link)
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You will have to be seen by the medical staff privately and they will ask you questions. One of them will be why you want to abort. This is when you can say that your mom is forcing you to. They will then not perform the abortion. It's illegal to force someone to abort.
No one, not even your mother, can legally make you stay pregnant nor end your pregnancy against your will. You have the right of choice.
Go the Planned Parenthood and ask them about your options for parenting. They'll have resources available to you to help you get through your pregnancy. They'll also help prepare you for parenting. Don't delay. There may be cuts to PP coming soon, in you're in the States, so get what you can out of them now.
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19/f
hey i dont know how to put this but my vagina latey has been very itchy and then when i itch it, it hurts too. i noticed that i have like cuts inside? and i dont know what that means. it really hirts and idk what to do. is it because of sexual contact? has anyone expeirenced thisss what do i do!? (link)
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Make an appointment with your doctor. You could also go to a sexual health clinic. Make sure you don't have any sexual contact until you're seen and diagnosed. It might be due to any number of things, but only a medical professional can give you a proper answer.
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i'm 18 year old girl
i wouldn't categorize myself as a "sexually active" person.. but my boyfriend and i have talked about it and he really likes to get horny and mess around. I told him i'm willing to do some things with him because i want this relationship to work. i really want this relationship to work. i think i'm in love with him.. i think he's the one.
we have been dating for about 7 months now and we recently had another discussion/argument/kinda fight about oral sex. he said he really wants me to give him head and wants to give me head. I've done it before. i'm no virgin mary. but i'm not crazy about it either. I just don't really "get off" when i do oral sex. can someone help me?
when he gives me head, it tickles. like sometimes i will start laughing because it will tickle. it doesn't really get me horny, but its not like uncomfortable. its just like enjoyable i guess. but i dont get off from it. does anyone know why i don't get off of it? and how i could?
when i give him head, i tend to gag a lot. I don't like the taste of cum or pre cum. i tried licking it and it just made me gag even more. there was a point when it felt like i needed to throw up.. so then i tried just sucking it without tongue and that was ok but he wasn't too crazy about it. so any advice on how i can get past the gagging? we tried putting a condom on him but it just tasted like latex :/ blech.
please help!!!!
thank you!!! (link)
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Are you really attracted to your boyfriend? And are you comfortable around him and telling him what you want and don't want?
The attraction part cannot be fixed. If kissing him isn't fun or arousing, you're not going to like doing anything else. You don't reference any of this, so I'm offering it as a possibility. You can't communicate your way into good sex if there's no attraction.
The communication question is important, though. If you're attracted to him, letting him know your concerns and feelings about what you want and don't want is vital. If you gag while giving head, then try using your fist to grip the penis at the base and just use your mouth near the head.
If you're nauseated by his penis that it's triggering your gag reflex, ask yourself why. Taste? Make him shower first, maybe use chocolate sauce. Also, there's no rule saying you have to taste his semen. Have him warn you before he ejaculates. If you simply don't like his penis and it gags you to be near it so intimately, you may just not be attracted to him.
As for receiving oral, either he's not doing it right and you need to tell him what you want (and he needs to listen!) or perhaps you just don't enjoy oral. It happens. I'd try better communication first-- also a lot of foreplay prior to it starting. A man shouldn't just dive in there cold. If that's what he's doing, no wonder it feels weird.
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okay so I have been dating this guy for the past three months and I recently found out he was cheating on me! He told the girl he made out with that he was single and that I was just his friend! I found this out cause i incidentally talked to the girl.I really got angry when I found out he had been lying to me all this while and I immediately broke up with him. when i confronted him about the whole thing he had to accept it but then for the first five hours after confrontation he was all like "i cant believe i could lie so well.." but after that he said sorry and kept on texting and calling me up! he wanted me back and told me he was very sorry and all and he actually spoke to some of his friends (who i know too) about the whole thing and how he really feels sorry about everything. he told some of our mutual friends to call me up too ..should i trust him again and go back to him or not???? (link)
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I wouldn't.
Sometimes in a lengthy marriage with children and the ups and downs in life, there can be infidelity slip-ups. And people work through them because they're committed, raising children together and own property and it is actually easier to stay than to go. And of course some people still throw in the towel. It's a very serious betrayal of trust.
But this is a three-month relationship. This is the testing ground to see if someone is worth getting serious with. He's failed the test. You take someone back after cheating at three months, and I can guarantee you that you'll be dealing with even more similar nonsense at 6 months, 1 year, 2 years.
And think about this: how long would it have continued had you not caught him? You'll never know and that will likely haunt you if you stay with him. You'll know he's capable of cheating, lying convincingly and that the only way to know if he's being faithful is to check up on him or catch him. Is that any way to live?
Get out now. You don't want to fall in love with someone like this. Consider yourself lucky you discovered his true nature so early. And ask your friends not to mention him to you anymore. You need a clean break from this guy.
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19/F
I've had sex 3 times now and the first time, I bled, a lot. But I blew it off as me losing my virginity so it was "normal". The second time, I bled a little bit, but nothing too tragic, so I assumed that meant it was gonna get better as I had sex more often. Well, the third time was a re enactment of the first time. I bled. A lot. What's up with that? Why? Am I gonna have to worry everytime about "Omg, am I gonna bleed this time?" I'm convinced my vagina is defective. lol (link)
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Have you been experiencing pain while having sex? If you're not feeling any sort of tearing or stretching pain in your vagina during sex, then it's possible that the blood is not your hymen. In fact, it would be odd if you were still experiencing tearing after two previous penetration.
I ask how long it's been between your sexual experiences because STDs like chlamydia (easily curable, but easily passed on) have a short incubation period, and one of the symptoms is bleeding after sex. After initial exposure, symptoms can surface within 1-3 weeks.
My recommendation is to get to a doctor and get an STD screening, something that you must start doing anyway now that you're sexually active. Chlamydia is not the most dangerous of STDs and it's super easy to treat and actually fairly common. It is, however, very serious if left untreated. Don't have any more sex until you've determined the cause of the bleeding with a doctor.
Hopefully it's nothing, but if it is something, you want to get that fixed so you can relax and stop worrying.
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17/f
i feel like im the only girl in the world who doesnt like it.. like i cant orgasim from normal penetration.. it just frustrates me and my boyfriend.. whats wrong with me. (link)
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Most women don't orgasm through vaginal penetration. Try oral, manual stimulation and you can bring toys like vibrators into bed as well.
Every woman's genitalia is different. Some women have larger clitoris, some smaller, Some need deep penetration, others need external stimulation, some need heavy vibrations and others need precision.
You can experiment with various positions. Woman on top is often the best position for females to control the action and get what they need. But if that doesn't work, don't sweat it. It doesn't mean you're broken or defective in any way. And your boyfriend needs to know it's not a failing on either of you if the big O doesn't come along through intercourse alone.
Pornography tends to show women coming like crazy over nothing, over little effort or attention to her needs. Real sex with real women is a much different story. You're like a fine violin, and you need to relax and take the time to understand how you need to be played. Women can take years to do this. You're so early in the game.
Do what it takes to orgasm, whatever works, and then enjoy it. You don't have to box yourself into some notion of what you "should" be doing to orgasm.
And of course, use a condom :)
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My boyfriend had cam on my stomach. We waited probably up to an hour, maybe less? Than we had sex. He also had fingered me. I usually get my period between the 8th and the 12th. It is now the 11th and it hasn't came yet. I am getting very worried, and have been for about 2 days. Could the stress be holding off my period or do you think that i could be pregnant? (link)
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If you mean that you've been having sex and practicing the withdrawl method, that is no condom and no birth control pill, patch or ring, and relying only on your boyfriend to not ejaculate-- then it's possible you're pregnant.
If you're telling me that your boyfriend first ejaculated on you and then afterward you had sex-- did you use a condom? Are you on the pill or something else? Did you let him ejaculate inside you?
See, men generate sperm pretty fast. They generally don't become ready to have sex again until they've got more sperm to deposit. Maybe they won't have that much, but there will be some. And some is all it takes.
Being fingered or anything else associated with female pleasure (like recieving oral) are aspects of good sex, but bear no impact on pregnancy. All that matters is if the man had vaginal sex with you. Once that occurs, if you are not protected, you can become pregnant.
Stress can affect a normal period, however, you have good cause to suspect pregnancy. Wait until the 13th and then take a test. I would locate the nearest planned parenthood and call them. They're not exclusively abortion providers, they offer medical help, advice about adoption, pre-natal care and parenting.
And if you're not pregnant, they can review some birth control options for you. Without contraception, the average sexually active female has a 60% chance of becoming pregnant within a year. That means your chances are higher of getting pregnant than not getting pregnant.
If you are on the pill, with regular use, your odds are closer to 1-3%. Or if you use it perfectly, 0.1%.
There is nothing wrong with having sex in a loving relationship so long as you're ready and you're being responsible. And consider it this way: if you both really love each other, you won't put each other at such high risk of becoming a parent before you're ready.
I'll tell you what I told a friend of mine a long time ago: Do you want your parents finding out you're on the pill? Or would you rather tell them you're prengnant? Because one conversation is way worse than the other, isn't it?
Good luck, and I mean that.
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I read you answer to a question asked by a guy who wanted to do other things in bed with his girlfriend, but she didn't want vaginal sex.
Although your answer was great and informative, I just felt the need to point out that in general, girls do not lose their virginity until they are vaginally penetrated.
Really, oral sex still means you're a virgin.
Just be cautious with what you tell some people, because that particular guy could get very worried about something like that.
Sorry, I hope you don't think I'm a bitch now, because I appreciate the advice you give to people - it really is good. (link)
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Definition of VIRGIN
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a : an unmarried woman devoted to religion b capitalized : virgo
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a : an absolutely chaste young woman b : an unmarried girl or woman
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capitalized : virgin mary
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a : a person who has not had sexual intercourse b : a person who is inexperienced in a usually specified sphere of activity
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: a female animal that has never copulated
As you can see, there are many definitions by which a person can be determined a virgin, and the young woman I mentioned is not absolutely chaste. And the penile-vaginal intercourse definition excludes many sexual orientations and valid sexual experiences. Oral sex is sex, as is anal sex. I think it's dangerous to pretend that they're not.
I would recommend the book Virgin for further reading: http://www.amazon.com/Virgin-Untouched-History-Hanne-Blank/dp/B001G8W5W6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1286065202&sr=8-1
It's an excellent resource for those who are confused about the nature of what virginity really is, which medically speaking (you may be interested to know), does not actually exist. At best it's a weak concept with which society tries to control women and their reproduction in a patriarchal manner by chronicling the history of their vaginas with titles such as "virgin".
And I don't think you're a bitch at all, just programmed by contemporary beliefs, like most people are, which unfortunately fetishizes virginity to the point vaginal intercourse is seen as the most valid sexual expression, and all others don't compare.
It just happens to be the most risky act, but not the most important or the most definitive. Food for thought, and thanks for reading!
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So long story short, I'm hanging out with my ex-boyfriend tomorrow, and I still have major feelings for him. But the downside is I do have a boyfriend, but were definatly not as serious as my ex and I were. I really don't know what to do, because I'm not asure on my exs feelings towards me, and if I'd be a mistake or not to end things with my current boyfriend. I know it aounds really bad, but I really haven't been able to get over my ex in the last 2 years. So anything would really help me out! 17/female. (link)
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My advice is to steer clear of the ex. It's such dangerous decision making to go spend time with someone who broke your heart, and who you're not over. Things ended with him when you were 15. This is statistically not going to be the man you marry. The odds of that are so low it's not even worth considering. You haven't even gone to college yet, have you? Oh man, the romantic possibilities at college are enough to erase high school drama boyfriends off the map.
So bearing that in mind, really think: Why aren't you over him yet? Really give that some thought. Personally, when I want to get over a guy, I make a list of all the things about him that make me mad, irritated or hurt. Then I write down all the great things there are about not being with him anymore. Trust me, it works pretty well. Also, you have to stop yourself from fantasizing about the ex.
If you don't really want your current boyfriend, you're better off ending it with him anyway. Remove your ex from the equation before even making that choice, too. You don't want to string someone along as a consolation prize, right? And it's way too much of a bummer to be with someone who's still hung up on their ex, so if you can't focus on your current boy, let him go.
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ok im young 17 and im on birth control i have sex frequently so at any time and any moment and always a posiblity that i may be or become pregnant. i dont use condoms any more and havnt for a bout half a year. same boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. stick to the question. i dont know if im being pranoid or that i really am pregnant. i hear that while on birth control i could still be pregnant and get my so called period. for two weeks before my period i have had bad cramps. some say ovulating maybe idk. i have had frequent car sickness feelings that come and go. yesterday i was working and i felt like i was going to throw up i felt totally fine the night before and when i came in to work towards the end i was going to puke. i thankfully had enough power to not throw up embarasingly infront of everyone. but when i came back home i laid down still felt sick and RAN to the bathroom and threw up like three times ew. i'm not the one to throw up randomly the last time i really threw up like this was YEARS ago i was 12 im not kidding. on the other hand people could just feel sick then be okay. which happend to me i felt fine after it was a great releaif. i told myself if i feel this way again ill take a pregnacy test but i didnt but then again it comes and goes. idk if im being stupid i have not yet got my period im gonna wait and see its coming in 7 days supposed to and i have been spotting this week but i did forget to take my pill once day this week and have been taking the rest of my pills later at night so that might be why on the other hand if that was the case i would have more brownish blood in my panties i just dont know i dont want to feel stupid i keep telling myslef im not but then again i could be. i have some sighns of pregnancy and same amount of getting my period ugh but how will i know if im going to get it any way because im on the pill i need major advice. calm myself let me know if im being paranoid i havnt told my boyfriend any of this becuase i dont want to be wrong and have worried him. which is annoying. (link)
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You can take a pregnancy test when you're as much as one day late. So if it doesn't come in eight days, take a test. Based on your info, you have four more days to wait. Try to relax. Take a hot bath, clear your head, maybe go jogging to relieve the stress. Stress does bad things to your body and may mess with your period.
You are experiencing some potential signs of pregnancy, but you don't need to panic yet. Nausea and vomiting have other causes.
If you find out you're pregnant, call your local Planned Parenthood. Contrary to popular belief they're not only an abortion centre, though they do provide that healthcare to those who need it. They offer all kinds of valuable information about all of your options (adoption, parenting, abortion) and how to get the best reproductive care YOU want and YOU decide on (prenatal care, post-abortion counselling, adoption services). Do not call a crisis pregnancy centre. They're run by religious-based organizations and they don't keep information confidential, nor do they offer medical care.
If you find out you're not pregnant, start using condoms. When pills are used perfectly (never missing any, never taking them late) you have a 1 in 1,000 chance of getting pregnant over the course of a year (and you could be that 1 in 1,000). Based on regular use (human error), it can be as high a risk as 3 in 100 women getting pregnant in a year (and you could be one of those 3 in 100). When you use condoms as well, you are managing that risk better because if your pills fail, the condoms likely won't.
Good luck to you.
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soo me and my boyfriend have sex all the time. but sometimes i just get this guilt feeling afterwards like im doing something bad. and likee sometimes its not even during sex. like we'll just be doing sexual things and ill make him stop because i start feeling guilty. its nothing like my religion and it has nothing to do with him. i love him with all my heart. but i just dont understand why. any ideas? (link)
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1. Did you feel ready to start having sex?
2. Do you feel like your parents may disapprove?
3. Are you not using protection?
4. Are you afraid that nice girls don't have sex?
5. Are you ashamed of feeling pleasure?
6. Do you not feel loved by your partner?
7. Are you concerned you're not connecting enough to your boyfriend emotionally?
These are all possibilities. Some may be valid reasons to hold off on having sex (like 1, 3, 6, 7) while others may be issues to rethink so you can banish those unhealthy thoughts (like 4 and 5).
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Okay so I'm 19 male and my girlfriend doesn't want to be penetrated. I'm okay with it. But she still likes doing sexual things with each other. We have been together for a year and didn't start fooling around till 6 months ago. Basically, we are getting bored with the things we do and i don't want to hurt her by suggesting straight up sex. I want her to keep her "virginity" but we just don't know what to do. I know this is an awkward question and i feel really awkward asking it but i could really use the advice and i think i derserve this since seeing how all the advice i've given. Thanks in advance guys(gals) (link)
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If you've been doing sexual things for six months, your girlfriend is not a virgin. Vaginal sex does not determine virginity. If that were so, gay men would be considered virgins, even after doing anal. Lesbians would be considered virgins even after becoming experts in oral. Does that make sense? No, of course not, right?
So, perhaps your girlfriend has some sort of weird hangup about "virginity", or maybe you do. Why do you want her to remain a "virgin"? It's hard to determine how you really feel: you want sex, you want her to be a virgin? Is it religious? Because there's not a religion in the world I'm aware of that allows a penis in the mouth, for example, as A-OK before marriage.
So let's approach this from another angle, because her virginity is not at stake. If she's enjoying oral and mutual masturbation with you, it's pretty much a thing of the past. She's vaginally inexperienced, not a virgin.
Ask her why she wants to hold off on vaginal sex, ask her if she thinks oral sex is not sex (it is), and let her know that you feel the need to move to the next level with her. Is she worried about pregnancy? This is a concern you can address and you can discuss BC methods.
To be frank, if she has problems with being penetrated because the idea repulses her, you really need to know this. It's information you deserve to have so you can decide if this woman is for you.
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so all my friends have already had sex, and me, well, i havent. im scared its gonna hurt and such. i have a very low pain tolerance. its beyond low. anyways, i feel like im uncomfortable with my body. im comfortable with it, i just dont know if im comfortable with anyone else seeing it. i really love my boyfriend and when its the right time, i wanna do it for the first time with him, but i wanna make sure im comfortable. is there anyway to do this? and is there any explanation for the way i feel? (link)
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Sex sometimes hurts the first time, but it's not a guarantee. The more gentle and attentive your partner is, the more likely the experience will be a good one. The more scared you are, the more tense you'll be, so the odds increase that it'll hurt due to your fear.
I'm going to suggest you practice breathing calmly while visualizing the act. Get comfortable with it and think very positive thoughts. Communicate to your boyfriend your concern about pain and your need for his patience and awareness: that if you want him to stop or go slower, you need him to pay attention to that and do as you say.
Spend time looking at yourself naked in the mirror and come up with five things about your body that you like. Lay down in the tub in the bathroom and take a pocket mirror and aim it down so you can see what your vagina looks like. Get used to it and tell yourself how attractive it'll be to your boyfriend when he finally gets to see it.
If you don't masturbate, you will want to start. Get familiar with what feels good to you so that you can communicate it to your boyfriend.
Girls often are uncomfortable because we have to see about 1,000 images a day of other women being sexy and we don't look like air-brushed creatures. We're lead to believe we're not good enough all the time. You're totally not alone.
What I've just described to you are tools to help you not just get ready for sex, but to truly make yourself ready to be a sensual person who knows her body and appreciates her awesome self.
You'll know when you're ready. Make sure you have condoms handy when the time does come. Best to plan ahead once you're aware your time has come, so that you won't get caught unprepared. No shame in being smart.
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Hey! I'm seventeen and my boyfriend is eighteen. So the problem is whenever we're getting physical and what not he is super super super gentle. Like to the point where it's not even enjoyable. I mean I love how tender he is but I can always feel him being all catious and careful so I feel like he's not enjoying it or with it at all and thattt turns me off. I want him to actually get into it. I've brought it up with him a few times and he says he's scared he'll hurt or "break" me. I'm like 5'5, 105 lbs and he's 6 foot and pretty built... so I mean yeah I can see how he thinks he'd hurt me but I really don't think he could do that much damage... I just want to feel his intensity and I don't but I don't know how to show him that he doesn't have to be so tentative... (link)
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The time to bring up this sort of thing is in the moment. You don't have a sit-down conversation about it, because you've done that and he seems iffy. You encourage him whilst in the throes of passion, with sexy words and demands and dirty talk and vocalizing your appreciation when he ups the ante more to your satisfaction. Positive re-enforcement works wonders.
And, just 'cause you can never say it enough today, if you have sex, use a condom!
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