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My girlfriend wants to have an abortion but I want to keep the baby!
My girlfriend found out she's pregnant two weeks ago. When she told me she immediately said she was going to abort it and that I didn't have to worry about anything. I tried to tell her that I really would love to raise the baby, with or without her around.
I think she's making a drastic decision. I feel like if she seriously goes through with getting rid of the baby we created together then I'll be forced to dump her. I love her but I wouldn't be able to get over this sort of thing. We've been together for 2 years and this cold side of her is completely new to me. It's like I don't know her at all now.
I understand her not wanting to be a mom right now. I'm 22 and she's 21 and so we have a lot of time to make those sorts of family decisions. I would love to be a father already though, even if it means raising my son or daughter as a single parent. I know I could do it, and I would never make her be a part of raising him or her if she didn't want to.
I have a really good, reliable job. I have my own apartment. I have a great family support system. I'm in good health. I have a few younger brothers and sisters so I know what it means to bring home a newborn. I know I could do this, and it's what I want.
How can I convince her to give birth? I know about the rights of the woman and "her choice" but what about the rights of the man? I helped make this baby with her. I'm willing to spend the rest of my life, alone or otherwise, raising him or her. I want this baby. Is there anything, absolutely anything, I can do to keep him or her around? Somehow get some sort of custody? Please, help me. She has an appointment coming up and she just won't listen to what I have to say about this. She just has to give birth and from there I will take care of rest of the baby's life. Why won't she just listen?
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abortion?
Unfortunately, you cannot take over this pregnancy yourself. Unless science devises a way for this to be possible, you can only voice your opinion.
Being pregnant can permanently change a woman's body. It can be uncomfortable, painful, and life-threatening. Giving birth is 13% more likely to kill you than an abortion ([Link](Mouse over link to see full location)). Being pregnant is no small matter. Delivering a baby is a gigantic and life-changing (sometimes life-ending) matter. Medical science has dramatically reduced the number of women who die from childbirth, but it's still a real possibility.
There's also the very real potential for an episiotomy, C-section, gestational diabetes, hypertension, postpartum depression and many other issues, all just from getting pregnant and giving birth. It's no walk in the park and without feeling ready to go through it, it's to much to demand of a person. A woman who has no desire whatsoever to be pregnant cannot usually be persuaded to change her mind.
Having you raise the baby would be a solution for not wanting to be a parent, but does not solve the problem of her not wanting to be pregnant.
You can keep trying to talk to her about it, but I'd lose the "She's cold" attitude. She doesn't feel up to these very real risks I've just outlined. That's her prerogative. I think your best bet is to educate yourself on what a pregnancy and parenting entails. I think you're not being realistic.
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You have to understand that this is her baby too, and she will have to go through alot of pain to have this baby. I do also understand that you want to have this baby and you are willing to raise this baby on your own. Tell her this, and tell her that you feel as if you wont be able to carry on the relationship with her if she goes through with the abortion. Having this baby would be like having a perfect family. you sound like a very committed person, and you sound very responsible, so tell her this.
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well thats a very difucult choice. you just need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. for example you could tell her that if she aborts the baby is like killing her own baby.well talk to her and tell her that you want that baby tell her that if you guys are willing to take care of it and you have the money that is needed to take care of that child well thas the best choice ! well i wish you all the luck in the world and actually my sister was going to abort her baby but thanks to god she changed her mind and now her baby is a girl shes 11 months old and her name is emma and shes beutiful! i wish you good luck!!! bye
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When she goes to get an abortion, she's going to have to go to a compulsory session with a professional to determine if she is certain she wants an abortion and to let her know the physical, emotional and psychological impacts of having an abortion.
Certainly tell her how you feel and express your opinion. But please don't go for the "if you don't keep it, I'm leaving you" route. Even if she did choose to have the baby just to stay with you, what would happen to that child? Would she grow to loathe you for making her choose this, or would she even grow to loathe the child?
Having an abortion is such a traumatic event for all persons involved. When the procedure has been made, she will probably go through a lot of psychological stress for a very long time. I understand that having this baby is what you want, but at least try to be there for each other through all of this. If you really cannot be near her, then make sure her friends and family are.
You've loved her for 2 years, and though this is something you feel so utterly strongly about, remember how much you love her. When she's ready to have children she will, and then you can love that child twice as much as you ever could have believed possible.
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The rights of that man are to have an opinion, and to share it clearly. Until a fetus can be removed from a woman and grown in a test tube, that is all you have.
So share your opinion clearly and with good information. Look up the paper work that you could sign that would release her from financial obligation and make you the sole provider for the child. Tell her if she aborts you don't feel you can continue to be in a relationship with her. She deserves to know that truth, even if it's difficult for her to hear.
However, she also has a right to turn you down and have an abortion. Her window to get an abortion is closing quickly, so if you want to be heard, you are going to need to get yourself heard quickly.
I'm sorry for all the pain and struggle of this, but the only thing you are able to do is try to make her hear your alternative plans. In the end, you can't remove the nine months of life changing work, plus the early infancy stage where she will medically need to be present, from her shoulders, and it is up to her if she wants to take that on.
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You're both very young- too young to even think about being parents; this is why she is choosing to abort. She is simply not prepared to be a parent, and no matter what you think to the contrary, neither are you. I know you have a reliable job, apartment, family support, etc., the fact of the matter is you're 22.
Both of you need to be prepared to bring an innocent being into this world. If she wanted to be a mother, she would have made the decision to keep the baby, with or without your input. The fact that she is choosing to abort means that under no circumstance does she want to be a mother.
But you were part of all this too. By all means, let her know how you feel, because you need to communicate your concerns, if even to get things off your chest. You can try to convince, but you cannot force. She probably will not decide to keep the baby- her mind has been set, and for good reason (sorry to say). This is ultimately her decision- she's the one who is pregnant, and if she feels totally unprepared to have a baby, she is well within her rights to decide not to bring an innocent life into the world.
Just because you know what it's like to bring home a newborn doesn't mean you know what it's like to be a father, or even to be prepared to be a father. Maybe you would make a great father, at the ripe age of 22, I don't know. But what about 32? Have you even thought about the amount of emotional growth one goes through in that time? I'm not necessarily saying to wait ten years, but please do wait. Bottom line, you will have to respect her decision. I know you helped make the baby, but it takes two to parent, and if one is not ready, then... the foundation of your family is already unstable. It's not about what you want, or what she wants. It's about taking into account the situation you would be bringing an innocent baby into- " mom didn't want you to begin with," is no way to begin a life.
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I've never met a man that's carried a fetus for nine months. What was it like?
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