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I'm Em.

I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.

I dig art, music and books.

I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.



I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.







Photo:

Yayoi Kusama

"Infinity Mirror Room"

Performance art.

Mirrors, soft sculptures.

Castellane Gallery, New York.

1965.




Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
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i have been confused about what i should be, i am a female that is more comfortable dressing in male clothes, i act more masculine then i do feminine however i do have certain female traits that keeping coming out (maternal - from when i was a step mum). i have been reading up and considering going through with a sex change operation. the only thing that is holding me back is i want kids and want to be able to conceive naturally. (link)
I have never experienced what you are going through, but I think if you search around where you live you will probably find groups or even online groups with people who feel the same way that can give you better advice.

All I can say is that what we classify as feminine and masculinity is all a social construct. It's all made up. You can be, feel and act however you want. You can be a woman that dresses and acts like a man, that's totally fine! If you're considering surgery, always remember it is irreversible and if you want kids then definitely take that on board when considering. Also, why not speak to a counsellor or therapist? They might be able to tell you about LBGT groups and maybe help you understand what you want to do.

Whatever you decide, it's totally fine. As long as you're happy, then that's all that matters. Good luck with everything!


I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.

Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"

Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.

So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.

The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.

This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th

The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.

Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.

After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.

March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.

We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.

Sad.

April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.

April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...

So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...

Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.

Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.

2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.

Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.

So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.

My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.

Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.

The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.

What can we do?!

I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...

Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.

I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.

When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
Look, I'm not an expert on law and I have never experienced this. I would suggest not seeing her for your own safety. This family is unstable and you can seriously get into a lot of trouble, like prison time, if you keep doing it. I know you love her and want to help her but you have to be smart about this. Putting yourself away won't help her at all. Go to your school, maybe try going to the police station and sitting down with an officer. Just talk about it and ask them if there is anything you or they can do. It is a really difficult and sad circumstance but do not ruin your life. I know the answer seems easy because we know what's right and wrong, but it's not when the law is involved. I'm not sure when the legal age is, but she might be able to leave by her will at 16 and then she can come live with you. Go to your school counsellor or teachers for advice if the police won't listen, they can help. And if you don't go to school, seek out a local counsellor


i am 13 and my boyfriend is 19. he wants to have sex with me ? what should i do ? (link)
If you\'re asking that question, then you know there\'s something wrong with it. You say no. If he doesn\'t like that, that\'s too bad because a loving boyfriend would respect your wishes and wait until you are ready. If you have sex with him, make sure that you use a condom and be aware that after that point, he is committing a crime and can be sent to prison. I\'m not trying to tell you what to do, but you should keep in mind the consequences of your actions.


I am 17 f and am the fattest in my year, I know for most teenagers being thinner is just a part of anxiety and hormones however I have been told by doctors that if I don't start losing weight soon I am going to have to deal with several health problems when I am older like heart attacks and diabeties. I have been given diet plans by doctors but I just can't stick to them, it's starting to affect my confidence because people are so judgemental. I need a way to convince the rest if my body that it is a time for a change. I need diets that are easy and effective. Because it is not just my physical health that it will be affecting, please help. Thanks (link)
I went through exactly what you\'re going through. Dieting is incredibly hard, but it\'s not supposed to be a \'diet\'. It should be a lifestyle change. A healthy diet is something you live with forever, not a temporary thing to lose weight. Diets are hard, but they aren\'t impossible. You CAN keep to healthy eating and exercise but you don\'t.

This is how I lost weight, but honestly, I think everyone makes this journey in their own way.

1. I stopped looking at healthy food as a \"diet\". I stopped trying to starve myself or eat only particular foods because it wasn\'t about a quick or short term change, I wanted to lose weight and keep it off.

2. I researched. I looked up so many tips about food and exercise and compared them with other websites for the best answer. This helped me understand that with my height, weight and level of exercise, I needed to consume a certain amount of calories every day from food. If I ate more, I had to work out. If I ate less, my body would store the fat it was consuming because it thought I was starving (starvation mode).

3. I started to remove bad food from my house and life. This was hard because I lived with my mum and siblings, so I had to use a lot of self control not to eat the food like chocolates and chips that they wanted in the house. When I was out, I would pick the healthier option or wait until I got home to make something better than fatty or fried food. Instead of ordering a pasta like my friends at dinner, I\'d order a vegetarian salad .

4. I ate regularly. I started forcing myself to stick to the breakfast-snack-lunch-snack-dinner cycle. When I ate a meal, I used portion control (always a small plate to make sure I didn\'t over eat) and wouldn\'t eat until my next food session. My snacks were healthy (fruit, nuts..etc). It takes a lot of control at first to do this, but once you\'re on a habit it\'s easier and you\'ll notice you aren\'t as hungry.

5. I started exercising. At first I was walking my dog but one day I decided to go for a run. I figured that it didn\'t matter how big I was and if people saw me running, because at least I was doing something about my weight. It turns out that I love running. At first I could only run for a minute then walked the rest of the way, but now I run for 15-20 minutes. Dieting is 70% of weightloss, but exercising will help you burn that fat faster than just eating well.

6. I counted calories. I lost a lot of weight without doing this for a long time, but after a while I gave it a try. It really opened my eyes to how many calories are in the things we eat and that a donut or a can of coke really isn\'t worth it when you see how sugary and fatty they are.

7. I substituted. Over the years I learned more and more about food and you would be surprised how many healthy alternatives there are. Instead of full cream milk, I drink skim milk. Instead of white sugar, I use raw sugar. Instead of soft drink, I go for tea or water with lemon. Instead of lollies, I eat berries or apples for a sugary hit. You might really want a fatty snack, but if you eat an apple instead of a bag of lollies, you\'ll feel full afterwards.

I can\'t do strict diet plans, it\'s just not me. But once I understood what was healthy food, what wasn\'t, and used a little willpower to change my food habits, it was easy. I still eat a bad meal or sweets now and then, but only rarely, which is how your diet should always be. Exercise was harder than food, but the results over time were amazing. I never thought I would have a small stomach! That\'s from cardio (running/walking) and ab exercises.

Good luck with your journey, but remember that you CAN lose weight, the only person stopping you is you.


So i am 15 Years old, and people in my year have started becoming more sexual. There is a guy i know and like who wants to do more than kissing but i am too insecure about my vagina to do anything. It hangs down alot and im worried he will be grossed out. Help:( (link)
You know what? If you feel insecure, don't do it. You should always listen to your feelings. If it doesn't feel right and you don't 150% want to do it for whatever reason, then don't. I have a girlfriend that had sex before she dealt with her security issues and she is suffering now. She's had sex with a lot of guys that don't care about her, she's never had a boyfriend or gone on a date, and she feels so sad because guys are only interested in her for a one night stand. Don't be that girl. It's hard in school to not have sex or give in. I waited until I was 18 until I lost my virginity and honestly, I wish I waited longer. It was horrible, it hurt and I really wasn't ready. I knew I wasn't but I did it anyway.

I can't stop you from doing whatever you want but if you're not feeling secure and comfortable, even if he's on top of you naked, you ALWAYS have the right and the responsibility to say no.


Hello advicenators,

I am going to be buying a "new used" car pretty soon. I got a new job recently and I will be able to afford the payments. Im looking to spend somewhere in the $18-25,000 range. I don't want to buy something I'll regret with that amount of money. I have never bought from a dealership before.

What are some tips? What are some things I should look out for (Any salesmen tricks I should be wary of, or extra things that I shouldn't be paying for?) I'm a girl in my 20s that knows pretty much nothing about cars (other than how to fill up oil and change a tire-the basics) and I totally expect to be taken advantage of when it comes to cars. I'm not stupid but there's a lot of car stuff I don't know.

So anything helps, really. I'm going to do some test drives this weekend. I've researched and decided on a couple of different makes and models based on extensive internet searches and reviews. I would like to be prepared before I go.

Thank you! (link)
Hey there,

My friend bought a car from a dealership a few years ago and I actually just bought that car off of her! I would recommend bringing someone with you that knows something about cars - a friend, family member. I started out by going to car websites (like carsales.com for Australia) and I looked at the kind of cars I wanted to buy. These are people selling them and you can see the average price. Buying from a dealer will always be more expensive because they charge extra for their expenses. Sometimes looking around you can find the exact same thing and it's a few grand cheaper buying it privately than from a dealer.

You have a lot to spend so shop around and take your time. Don't tell them how much you want to spend straight away, and don't be too eager or they won't budge much on the cost. If you are interested, ask them for their best price and check out other dealerships/online for the same car and how much they're charging.

Hope it helped x


Me and my bestfriend have been fighting more recently and I feel that the friendship isn't even worth keeping. For example I went to the pool with her and took a wine cooler with me, and there was only one more left and I was planning on drinking it the next day, I told her she couldn't have it and she didn't make a big deal out of it at all, but when we had both parted ways after we left the pool she goes and tells her mother that I'm a rude and stingy person because I don't ask her if she wants a drink at the pool, as you can understand I had bought them for myself. Also she always makes me out to be a bad friend when we argue, like she is ungodly and has never done anything that I would consider 'rude' myself, and I have done literally everything for this girl, took her to Chicago and Flordia and didn't even have to pay for half of her trips . But yet she still feels I owe her something because I have 100 dollars in my wallet, to pretty much sum it up , do you feel this friendship is worth keeping ? Because I think having someone constantly get mad at you for little things just makes life stressful (link)
When you're in a close friendship it's a bit like being in a relationship because you're around each other a lot, you give and take from one another, and you also accept each other's good qualities and flaws. There has to be a balance and equality for it to work, and from the sounds of it it's like she's take take take and not giving anything in return.

I have a few close girlfriends that I see often. My best friend and I have similar personalities but different interests so we get along pretty well and see each other often, though as with anyone we sometimes get a bit sick of each other and need a break. The great thing about our friendship is that everything is equal. We play-fight who will pay for a meal and the other always ends up paying for a meal or event another time. Everything is split right down the middle. The thing is, we both work a lot so we have a lot of money to spend. Maybe your friend doesn't have a lot of money or earns less than you, so she might feel like you should pay more than her because of it. If this is the case, it's still a no. It means she should say she can't do a lot of things or organising events that are a little bit cheaper. Yes it's nice sometimes to do something special for your friends or buy them random gifts, but if it's going unappreciated then it isn't worth it.

I have other girl friends that sound more like your friend. When we go out to dinner, I'll end up paying $50 while they pay $20 each and never offer to pay more. Money is an uncomfortable thing to talk about, so now I just don't see them very much. When I do go out with them it's a rare occasion and I try to go to cheaper places so that I'm not spending more than I should.

I think, even though it's uncomfortable, that you should talk about it with her if it's really bothering you. When you do things, make sure that it's equal - that means making sure she pays half for everything. If you're drinking, tell her and let her know that she should bring some drinks too. If she doesn't or says something like "yeah sure I'll pay you back" don't accept it. Say, "that's okay, we'll wait until we can pay the costs together." Friends don't always pay you back when they say you will.

I don't really like when people ask me if a friendship is worth it or along the lines of 'should i keep this person in my life' because the thing is, you care about this person. She IS a part of your life and will probably still be even if you decide you don't want to be around her anymore. I think if it's stressing you out and you believe that it's unfair, then don't spend as much time with her. Do what makes you happy and spend time with people that you love being around. Try talking to her and if she doesn't understand, then that's her problem. Maybe she'll come to her senses if you leave her alone for a while and just enjoy your life.


hi there guys im needing help im wanting to write a letter to my ex bf;s mum. i was with my ex for a year an a half, we broke up in febuary, i can tell he still likes me and weve recently started to spend time with each other again however his mum is the problem, his mum hates me, she goes mental with him when she knows he has been with me, i hate goin g behind her back because its just disshonest. id like to write her a letter to explain im sorry for anything i have done wrong and that i want to make amendments and just get along with her and be able to see my ex without going behind her back and also i would like to know why she does not like me... can anyone help me with what to write and the structure please :)
thanks (link)
Why don't you try talking to her one on one? That would be a lot more successful than writing a letter. Sometimes there can be miscommunications with text because you may mean to say something in a polite way but she may take it as offensive. When you're saying it out loud you use tones, facial expressions and body language than can better express what you are trying to say.

I'd suggest plotting out everything you want to say to her and finding the best way you can say it, then sitting down with her and talking about it. You can ask her why she's angry at you and let her say whatever she has to say. She might be angry because when you two broke up he might have let it all out to her so she's still got uneasy feelings.

I would rather that someone have the courage to come up to me and tell me what's wrong or ask me a question than find a letter under my door.


We were playing Bowl of Questions and it got really deep and secrect and she trusted me with all these secrects..and later on I spilled one secrect to my brother..he told a few people..and now everyone knows..I tried apologizing she just said "that doesn't change anything" what should i do? (link)
People make mistakes and people also forgive. It takes time and effort, but they do. She's hurt and probably really embarrassed which takes some time to get over. The best thing you can do is apologise, say that you understand what you did and how wrong it was, then try and give her a little space. Don't avoid or ignore her, just don't annoy her by constantly saying how sorry you are because that'll just make her angrier.

I've had fall outs with my closest friends before and regardless of what happened, I cared about them too much to let them go forever. In some cases it took a lot of time to feel like I could trust them again, and for some I don't have the same relationship with them as I did before. I used to be so close to one girl and now, even though we are still close, there's something different between us which isn't as great as it was before. This might be the consequence of your actions.

At least you can take something from this experience. Trust is something that takes time to build up and can be destroyed in minutes. It's better to stop an urge to tell someone something if it means keeping someones trust in you. Maybe next time just think before you speak. And also just think about how you would feel if you were in her position, and think about what you would want her to do for you to make up for that. That might give you ideas on what to say to her.


My mother lost MY own phone, and now she is saying I can't have another one! What do I do? (link)
Get a job and buy your own.


Im not your average guy. I get attached easily, but I hide it well. All I want to do is care for a girl and treat her like the queen she is without being crushed. I want a commitment. I want to be nice, but nice guys always finish last. :(

I go through this cycle maybe twice a month. And my results are making myself more handsome or working out. But nothing works. (link)
Are you in High School? If so, stick it out. High School is hard for a lot of kids to have relationships because you basically live in a bubble. Once you finish it and go on to college, work and life you realise just how big the world is and how much different it is to High School. I know pleeeenty of people that never had relationships all through High School and then as soon as they were out found someone they clicked with.

If you're not in High School, it is still going to take time to find a girl that is suitable for you. After a few relationships I've realised that as much as I want a partner sometimes, what matters to me is finding someone special. I would rather wait years to find someone that I love being around, that makes me laugh, that's similar to me but so incredibly different that it means things are exciting, than date an endless number of men that last a few months then burn out.

My advice is to be more outgoing and social which is a lot easier said than done. Spend more time going out with your friends places and don't be afraid to meet new people. You aren't going to meet someone if you're in the same places all the time. If you see a girl you like or are interested in, make the chance and go and talk to her. Ask her out on a date. The worst she can say is no, and confidence is something that a lot of women find very attractive.

And no one wants an average guy. Your differences are what will make girls fall in love with you.


19/f. my boyfriend is 20. we've been together for 2 yrs. I'm currently falling for another man who i work with. We've known each other for about 6 months... This man makes me feel better about myself than my boyfriend does... I am not and never will be a cheater but I do talk to the man from work on a regular basis. Lately my boyfriend and my relationship has been on the rocks and I'm getting extremely sick of him and I'm irritated with everything he does. I know he can see it. But I know he doesn't want to lose me. I'm not sure what to do about how i feel. Advice....please? (link)
You're in a pretty emotional spot right now. You want more from your boyfriend than he's giving you, and another guy is providing an outlet for you to vent that frustration and to be a shoulder to lean on. It's so easy to fall for someone when you're having relationship problems, but make sure that you are making a decision that you know is best for you.

If you don't think you and your boyfriend are going to work out, then absolutely reassess the relationship and if you should be with him. You're 19 and have your whole life ahead of you. If it's not meant to be with him, then it's okay, there are millions of other guys out there and so many opportunities for you to travel or do incredible things in your life. Your world only boils down to one person, and that is you. If you're not happy then maybe it is time to let him go.

And if he's seeing what the problem is and is doing nothing about it, then he's not a very good boyfriend. Sit down with him and talk. Let everything out. Say what the problem is, and if you want it to work then really give it a good try. If he won't do anything about it, or if he says he will and then a month later everything is the same then I think it's time for you to move on.

If you think that there is a chance for you and your boyfriend, or if you really do want to make it work, then give it everything you've got. Try your best to help make it work, and avoid talking to work guy. But, if you don't think it's going to work or you don't want it to, then maybe you should just let him go now. The relationship is only going to work out if you BOTH put in the effort. Yes he may need to change or whatever, but you need to change too and accept him when he tries and fails, because it's hard for someone to know exactly what to do all the time and to be perfect.

My last piece of advice is to not dump your boyfriend for his new guy. It takes time to get over someone that you've been with for so long, and rushing into another relationship or dating so soon can be damaging. If this new work guy is 'the one' or really cares about you he'll wait until you're ready to get into a relationship with you.

And if you don't want to cheat but you don't think you can control yourself around this work guy, then break up.


we have been broke up for almost 2 months we talk everyday still and kinda flirt and stuff but when i mention i wish i was good enough for her or something she will say why do you have to start? am i just being too pushy and just need to go with the flow for now? (link)
She doesn't like you the way she used to. She isn't in love with you anymore. She doesn't want you to be in love with her, because she doesn't feel the same way back. She's not confusing; she wants to flirt with you but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because she's not in love with you any more. Maybe she does love you in a certain way, maybe she is still attracted to you, but she is not IN love with you. You're the confusing one that can't seem to make your mind up about wanting to be with her and then giving up on her!

When you say "I wish I was good enough for you" you're instantly giving up. You're admitting and accepting that you aren't good enough for this girl, so why should she bother? Why should she be with you if you're not good enough for her and she can do better? Stop with the self-pitying and start trying to be good enough for her. Start saying to yourself that you are good enough for her and you're going to prove it to her that you're a great person to be with. If you really love this girl and want her in your life, how about you try do everything you can to get her back? Whatever the problem with the relationship was before, try fixing it. Try just being a great friend to her, talking to her, being there for her when she needs you. Try sweeping her off her feet and being romantic instead of telling her how you wish you could be.


Hi,
I'm a 26-year-old college graduate with my Bachelor of Arts in English. It took me awhile to graduate because I wasn't sure if a formal education was what I wanted or needed. My parents assured me it was but, so I finally finished my degree a couple months ago. My parents insisted that I have a full-time job until I found something better so I currently work at a daycare. Even though they don't understand, the job is very stressful--and I get paid minimum wage without any benefits. I really would like to try something new but my parents only want me in a professional job. I also live in MI and the job market is awful here. I feel like I should abide my parents wishes since I live under their roof, but like I previously stated, I am absolutely miserable at this job. I've been snapping at the children lately and I really feel like the stress has been getting to me. My parents say, "deal with it--you need to pay your dues, everyone has stress in their life" My question is: doesn't my happiness count to. Do they really want me to be happy or do they just want me to find a professional job so they can push me out the door as soon as possible. I'm considered a "loser" in my family because it took me so long to graduate and I don't have a good job. A lot of emphasis is put on careers in my family. I don't know what to do; I'd rather work another less stressful job, even if I'm still getting minimum wage. I feel like I put way too much work and effort into my job to be paid so little. What are your thoughts on the matter-do you think I just have to bite the bullet and do what my parents want or do you think a job is a job and as long as I find a replacement, it shouldn't be an issue. Please let me know; I would greatly appreciate your help and insight. Thanks, Whitney (link)
1) The job.

I'm 19 years old. I've been working in reception on weekends at a real estate agency for two years. I started when I was 17 years old and from the first moment I stepped into the place I hated the job. I hated the whole four walled office feel and working 9-5. I'm a creative person and I need space and freedom, so this was just not my thing. But I thought that a job was a job and you're meant to deal with it.

A year after I got this job I applied for some holiday work when it was Uni (college) break. I worked for about 6 weeks at this little Christmas stall as a retail assistant, and I absolutely loved it. When I went to work at the real estate or whenever I thought about the job I got anxious feelings. After the retail job, I realised that that is not what a job is about. Work and life are not about being unhappy, stressed, and simply earning money. You should enjoy your job and you should be happy and feel fulfilled in life.

The other day when I was sitting in the office my manager was talking to another colleague of mine. He said, "If you get a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach every day when you finish work, then you're in the wrong job." What he means is, if you don't feel happy, if you don't feel fulfilled, if you don't feel like this is where you should be, then you are not in a job that is right for you.

A job is not just a job. A job is a part of your life and it's something you should absolutely enjoy. It's not always perfect, but at the end of the day you should feel happy about being there. Childcare does not seem to be your thing, and that's totally fine. It means that you can start crossing off things that you do not want in a workplace and start considering things you do want in a workplace.

By the way, what do you want? Not your parents, but YOU. Make a list of things YOU want in a job, or simply in your life right now. So, for me, in my future career, I want to be happy. I want to earn a decent amount of money, but I still want to be happy doing what I do. I want a job that provides opportunities and promotions - so maybe a job in a company that has sectors overseas for me to travel to. I want a job that treats me like a person and not a number. I also want something that has some sort of creative element that can keep me stimulated. These are just ambiguous things, but they're things that I want in a job. Making a simple list like this of things you want can help you understand what kind of jobs would suit you. And then you can make the next step to apply for them and try them out. The thing is, happiness in your career does exist. I've met teachers who adore their jobs, retail assistants that love going to work every day, and University lecturers that wouldn't want to be doing anything else.


2) The parents.

You're 26 years old. I absolutely do not think you should be letting your parents or family decide what you should do with your life. I think in a way they're trying to decide what is best for you, and in a certain way that is their way of protecting you and taking care of you. But, if it's not what you want to do, you have to stop listening to your parents and go your own way. Think of all the things you've wanted to be, and maybe you've tried to forget them because you've been trying to do what your parents want you to do. And it can be anything; a dancer, scientist, mathematician, gardener...etc. Why not do it? I'm at University with 60 something year olds who are studying to become teachers because they've decided that's what they want to do, why can't you do what you want to do? Don't feel threatened by your age, you're still so young! And it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get you where you want to be, as long as you end up happy it will all be worth it.

Stop listening to what your parents and family say and start thinking about what YOU want, and honestly what you need right now in your life. This is your life, live it! Get a passport, travel the globe, move to a new city and try new things, get into a new degree, read, write, dance, apply for new jobs, do whatever you want to! The way I know I really want something is when I think of it and I get this crazy, impulsive, excited feeling all over. I want to move overseas desperately, and whenever I think about it and how crazy it is I just get this energising feeling all over and it makes me feel like I could do anything. This feeling is what makes me want to do it so much, because I've never wanted something this much in my life.

Be crazy. Do crazy things. The world is your oyster, so go for it!

And you are not a loser. You're a college graduate which is something to be proud of. You're an amazing person and I hope you really reach for the stars and find something that suits you and makes you happy. Even if it's just by looking for other jobs and sending out resumes - everyone has to start somewhere! My only tip is to start saving now, even if you don't know what you want to do. Put a bit of money away each week. It could come in handy one day.

Goodluck!


My boyfriend and I have had sex a couple times. I'm taking birth control, but he wants to be extra safe and use condoms too. The first time we used them, it went smooth, like usual. However, we tried them the other day because I'm off BC for a month while I'm changing brands, and for some reason, every time he would try and put it on, he would go soft. He says they feel like they're cutting off his blood flow and that's why, but if they're the same size as the other ones, shouldn't it feel the same?

Has anybody ever had this problem, or knows what could possibly be causing it?

And I know he's not complaining about it just because he doesn't want to wear them because a) he's the one who actually insisted on wearing them, even when I was on BC, and b) I can physically see it happen (link)
This could be totally wrong, but maybe he's unconsciously scared of getting you pregnant. He's the one that insists on condoms even with birth control, and now that you're off the birth control and only using condoms, the likelihood of you getting pregnant is intensified.

He might just unknowingly be freaking himself out about the condom breaking, and so his body reacts. In other words, he's losing his erection because he's terrified of getting you pregnant. Maybe just wait until you get on your new birth control. Or, you could try calming him down by looking up the statistics on how effective condoms are.

If you type in "condom statistics" there are thousands of sites with details. This one http://www.avert.org/condoms.htm says that there is no exact percentage, but from what I recall in High School it's at least 80% and some of the studies I've looked over just then have said that for people who know how to use condoms and use them regularly, breakage only occurs in up to 2-3% of users. This means they have a 97-98% efficiency. But once again, as the website says, every study is different and no answer is conclusive, but I think between 80-95% is a pretty fair call. As long as you use them regularly and properly, and remember to dispose of each one after use and apply a new one for every time you have sex, you have an incredibly small chance of falling pregnant.

There is always that small chance, which is why I recommend just waiting until you get on your new birth control to have sex if your boyfriend is freaking out, but try giving him the details and see if it makes a difference.


How to get some one back in your life that used to mean so much to you? (link)
What about talking? Nothing else is gonna work. Make the first move and start a conversation. Ask questions, offer to go out somewhere, for coffee or a movie or lunch or whatever.

You're not going to magically form the connection you once had in a day, it'll take some time, but keep at it. If it doesn't happen, then it's not meant to be.


21 female

So last night me and my boyfriend were having sex. It was just missionary style -he was on top. It was all fine until I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, but not go pee but poop. So embarrassing right! Or it also felt like I could fart, I was trying to hold it in. The thing is that when we were done ...I didn't have that feeling anymore. Do you think I really had to poop/fart or was it just something that he did that made me feel like this? Ahh I don't want this to happen again! I kept having this feeling like I had to hold it in so i wouldn't do it.

Sorry this may be too graphic or something but I just want to know if I really had to go or if it had something to do with us having sex. (link)
Maybe he was hitting close to your bladder? Or just a bad place. Try a different position or moving him around, or even a pillow under the butt to move your body up a little bit. If it doesn't happen regularly, then that might be it. If it's continuous, just go to your doctor and ask them a few questions.

Oh, and if it happens again, just tell him to stop for a second and move around to see if it makes a difference.


Okay, Im in my first year of college and I go full time. I'm going to be a Neonatal Nurse. I go from 8-4;; I got a job back in Sept 2010, and I got fired in June of 2011; My boyfriend currently lives with My parents and I; and I have to take him to work at 7pm and pick him up at 4:30 in the morning; (because he is saving up enough money to buy him a car, since his mother left him homeless&&he has nothing!) therefore no job will be flexible with my hours; my dad has always put me down. He's called me a mistake, worthless, ect.

Just yesterday, he wanted the new MW3, so having class the next day, and having to pick up my boyfirend at 4:30, I went and got it for him at Midnight. Sure he was happy he got it, but I dind't even get a thank you.

He told me today, that I'm not going to make it in life.

All I have ever wanted was to make him proud, and I feel like I failed him at a daughter. Everything I've ever done, I've done to try to make him proud of me. In high school, I got AB honor roll, and I even got a scholar ship into college. But even then he never said he was proud.


I told my mom about dad saying I'm not going to make it in life, and she just looked at me, didn't reassure me, or nothing. I cried, the only person who reassured me was my boyfriend.

I just feel so worthless, and such a burden. I've tried talkin to him, and nothing ever changes. Any advice? (link)
Sometimes people we love say horrible things to us. In this situation, it might be because he just wants to hurt you, or maybe because it makes him feel powerful, or he might feel like he's failed at life and wants to make you think you will to make himself feel better. He could be incredibly unhappy or stressed as well, and be letting it out on you. Whatever the reason, it's never acceptable and it's so horrible to go through.

When someone you love says cruel things to you, it's damaging and sticks with you for the rest of your life. The thing is, you're absolutely not worthless. You're utterly priceless. I think deep down you know you are, and I think you also know that you'll never let yourself be anything less than amazing. A neonatal nurse? That's an amazing job. And if it's what you want to do and it makes you happy, then it's an incredible job. You know you can become one, and I think you can too. You just have to stay in school and keep working at it.

Your dad has no idea how wonderful you are, and I wish you didn't have to have such horrible things said to you. I don't know what to do about him, except leaving the house, but you can't do that yet because you and your boyfriend cannot afford your own property. If it's possible to move in somewhere, with friends or other family with little to no costs, then try that. But don't force yourself out of college and into homelessness.

Also, with your boyfriend, would it be possible for him to catch public transport? I know he's trying to save, but it might help you find some weekend or evening work which will give you some money to save for a rental property. There are also bank loans he should look into so that he can get the car sooner rather than later, but make sure he looks at how long it's going to take him to pay it off and how much will be going to it every week. You've got a lot on your plate and I know you're trying to help him out, but seriously one person can only do so much.

I wanted to comment on this to tell you that you are an amazing person and you are going to make it in life. When someone puts me down and says I can't do something or that I'm not good enough for something, I feel even more motivated to work hard and make something of myself. I know what it's like to grow up with a dad that says cruel things and makes me feel worthless, and to live in a pretty unloving household. But having these things made me want to be someone, and want to have a better life for my future family. Having the family I have has made me realise that when I grow up, I want to be a wonderful and loving mother for my children.

I worked my butt off for over a year and a half, and I'm now in one of the top Universities in the world. I have a distinction average which is 75% and above which will get me into the masters degree that I want to get into after University. I came from a poorer family and all of my University fees are coming out of my pocket. I work weekends and have at least one summer job every year, and every week I put away money into my savings account. I've also lost 14 kilos. Nothing is impossible, no matter who you are, where you came from or what your family is like. And no matter what anybody tells you, the only person in the world that decides how successful or how amazing you are is you. If you start telling yourself you're worthless, then you'll become it. But if you keep reminding yourself, even if it's so hard and so painful, that you are worthy of life, of being successful, and of being happy, then you will be.

p.s, if you feel like you're at breaking point and don't know where to go, talk to someone. Don't feel afraid or embarrassed about talking to a counsellor or psychologist, talking to someone about how you feel and problems you have is the healthiest and best thing for anyone to do. At your college there should be a free counselling service. Go to your student help desk or centre and ask them where to go. The student help desk is there exactly for that reason, to help you when you need any kind of help.


20/f
Okay so I have a boyfriend, we've been together for a while and I love him very deeply. We plan on getting married once I'm finished with college. My problem is, I think I may be addicted to porn. I am so horny every day, and feel the urge to masturbate. This has been going on since I was 13. I go through phases where I won't look at it for months, but ever since this past September, I look at it almost every day. My boyfriend and I have an amazing sex life, and have sex often. But I STILL feel the constant urge to watch porn. I know it can't physically harm me, but is this healthy? Or normal? (link)
It's normal for women to be horny a lot and to watch porn. You'd be surprised how many women actually do watch porn and masturbate regularly, just not a lot like to admit it.

An addiction is a little different to watching porn to help you feel aroused. If it becomes something that interferes with your life, like maybe you're not studying or going to work because you're at home watching porn, then it's a problem. Addiction is a physical or psychological dependance on something - if you feel like you physically need porn every day and cannot go without it, then this may be a problem. But, if you need porn to help you orgasm when masturbating, then I don't think that's a problem. I think it's normal and healthy to need something to arouse you and turn you on when you're masturbating, it can be difficult to do it without any stimuli.

If you think that it's an addiction, seek out help in your local area. Try counselling at your college, or even go to your doctor if you have absolutely no idea where to go.

And I can understand the months not watching it then the sudden need for it. Sometimes you just don't feel horny or feel like you need something to help you get aroused, and sometimes you feel really turned on a lot. It's so normal! So don't worry :) even girls with boyfriends masturbate and watch porn, it's totally fine.


Last January I told my doctor that I needed to switch to a new birth control because the kind I had been on for two years never alleviated my cramps and I still had moderate acne. I realize that is not the main purpose for birth control, but if I could get a kind that had other benefits, I wanted it!

Anyway, she switched me to Beyaz brand birth control. By my next period, my cramps were GONE, my flow was so light and only lasted about 3 or 4 days, AND my acne was almost completely gone. My skin looked awesome. So I have been on Beyaz for the past year, except for one time when I missed a pill, started my period, and had to wait until the Sunday after my next period so that I could start a new month to get back on track. And again, my skin immediately got clearer and cramps stopped, period lighter, everything.

All of that being said, I just had to restart my pills last month. I know it sounds like I start/stop a lot, but I'm actually pretty good about taking it. Anyway, I have taken them all on time but I started my period EARLY, which NEVER happens with or without the pills, and now my skin is breaking out really bad. And I've been on my period for over a week. It's just light spotting, but still.

Any help is greatly appreciated. (link)
Always go to your doctor just to clarify. Unless someone here is a doctor or knows a lot about birth control, you can never be 100% sure. It might just be your body (hormones, flow) getting re-used to the pill, and if it's only been about a month or so since you started then that seems logical. It might just be like a balancing effect, because previously you only had short period intervals and your skin was completely acne-free. Anyway, if you want to wait then maybe wait another month and see what your next period is like, otherwise drop by your doctor and ask them what's up.




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