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I'm Em.

I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.

I dig art, music and books.

I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.



I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.







Photo:

Yayoi Kusama

"Infinity Mirror Room"

Performance art.

Mirrors, soft sculptures.

Castellane Gallery, New York.

1965.




Gender: Female
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
Answers: 391
Last Update: May 22, 2014
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i am 13 and my boyfriend is 19. he wants to have sex with me ? what should i do ? (link)
If you\'re asking that question, then you know there\'s something wrong with it. You say no. If he doesn\'t like that, that\'s too bad because a loving boyfriend would respect your wishes and wait until you are ready. If you have sex with him, make sure that you use a condom and be aware that after that point, he is committing a crime and can be sent to prison. I\'m not trying to tell you what to do, but you should keep in mind the consequences of your actions.


So i am 15 Years old, and people in my year have started becoming more sexual. There is a guy i know and like who wants to do more than kissing but i am too insecure about my vagina to do anything. It hangs down alot and im worried he will be grossed out. Help:( (link)
You know what? If you feel insecure, don't do it. You should always listen to your feelings. If it doesn't feel right and you don't 150% want to do it for whatever reason, then don't. I have a girlfriend that had sex before she dealt with her security issues and she is suffering now. She's had sex with a lot of guys that don't care about her, she's never had a boyfriend or gone on a date, and she feels so sad because guys are only interested in her for a one night stand. Don't be that girl. It's hard in school to not have sex or give in. I waited until I was 18 until I lost my virginity and honestly, I wish I waited longer. It was horrible, it hurt and I really wasn't ready. I knew I wasn't but I did it anyway.

I can't stop you from doing whatever you want but if you're not feeling secure and comfortable, even if he's on top of you naked, you ALWAYS have the right and the responsibility to say no.


hi there guys im needing help im wanting to write a letter to my ex bf;s mum. i was with my ex for a year an a half, we broke up in febuary, i can tell he still likes me and weve recently started to spend time with each other again however his mum is the problem, his mum hates me, she goes mental with him when she knows he has been with me, i hate goin g behind her back because its just disshonest. id like to write her a letter to explain im sorry for anything i have done wrong and that i want to make amendments and just get along with her and be able to see my ex without going behind her back and also i would like to know why she does not like me... can anyone help me with what to write and the structure please :)
thanks (link)
Why don't you try talking to her one on one? That would be a lot more successful than writing a letter. Sometimes there can be miscommunications with text because you may mean to say something in a polite way but she may take it as offensive. When you're saying it out loud you use tones, facial expressions and body language than can better express what you are trying to say.

I'd suggest plotting out everything you want to say to her and finding the best way you can say it, then sitting down with her and talking about it. You can ask her why she's angry at you and let her say whatever she has to say. She might be angry because when you two broke up he might have let it all out to her so she's still got uneasy feelings.

I would rather that someone have the courage to come up to me and tell me what's wrong or ask me a question than find a letter under my door.


Im not your average guy. I get attached easily, but I hide it well. All I want to do is care for a girl and treat her like the queen she is without being crushed. I want a commitment. I want to be nice, but nice guys always finish last. :(

I go through this cycle maybe twice a month. And my results are making myself more handsome or working out. But nothing works. (link)
Are you in High School? If so, stick it out. High School is hard for a lot of kids to have relationships because you basically live in a bubble. Once you finish it and go on to college, work and life you realise just how big the world is and how much different it is to High School. I know pleeeenty of people that never had relationships all through High School and then as soon as they were out found someone they clicked with.

If you're not in High School, it is still going to take time to find a girl that is suitable for you. After a few relationships I've realised that as much as I want a partner sometimes, what matters to me is finding someone special. I would rather wait years to find someone that I love being around, that makes me laugh, that's similar to me but so incredibly different that it means things are exciting, than date an endless number of men that last a few months then burn out.

My advice is to be more outgoing and social which is a lot easier said than done. Spend more time going out with your friends places and don't be afraid to meet new people. You aren't going to meet someone if you're in the same places all the time. If you see a girl you like or are interested in, make the chance and go and talk to her. Ask her out on a date. The worst she can say is no, and confidence is something that a lot of women find very attractive.

And no one wants an average guy. Your differences are what will make girls fall in love with you.


19/f. my boyfriend is 20. we've been together for 2 yrs. I'm currently falling for another man who i work with. We've known each other for about 6 months... This man makes me feel better about myself than my boyfriend does... I am not and never will be a cheater but I do talk to the man from work on a regular basis. Lately my boyfriend and my relationship has been on the rocks and I'm getting extremely sick of him and I'm irritated with everything he does. I know he can see it. But I know he doesn't want to lose me. I'm not sure what to do about how i feel. Advice....please? (link)
You're in a pretty emotional spot right now. You want more from your boyfriend than he's giving you, and another guy is providing an outlet for you to vent that frustration and to be a shoulder to lean on. It's so easy to fall for someone when you're having relationship problems, but make sure that you are making a decision that you know is best for you.

If you don't think you and your boyfriend are going to work out, then absolutely reassess the relationship and if you should be with him. You're 19 and have your whole life ahead of you. If it's not meant to be with him, then it's okay, there are millions of other guys out there and so many opportunities for you to travel or do incredible things in your life. Your world only boils down to one person, and that is you. If you're not happy then maybe it is time to let him go.

And if he's seeing what the problem is and is doing nothing about it, then he's not a very good boyfriend. Sit down with him and talk. Let everything out. Say what the problem is, and if you want it to work then really give it a good try. If he won't do anything about it, or if he says he will and then a month later everything is the same then I think it's time for you to move on.

If you think that there is a chance for you and your boyfriend, or if you really do want to make it work, then give it everything you've got. Try your best to help make it work, and avoid talking to work guy. But, if you don't think it's going to work or you don't want it to, then maybe you should just let him go now. The relationship is only going to work out if you BOTH put in the effort. Yes he may need to change or whatever, but you need to change too and accept him when he tries and fails, because it's hard for someone to know exactly what to do all the time and to be perfect.

My last piece of advice is to not dump your boyfriend for his new guy. It takes time to get over someone that you've been with for so long, and rushing into another relationship or dating so soon can be damaging. If this new work guy is 'the one' or really cares about you he'll wait until you're ready to get into a relationship with you.

And if you don't want to cheat but you don't think you can control yourself around this work guy, then break up.


we have been broke up for almost 2 months we talk everyday still and kinda flirt and stuff but when i mention i wish i was good enough for her or something she will say why do you have to start? am i just being too pushy and just need to go with the flow for now? (link)
She doesn't like you the way she used to. She isn't in love with you anymore. She doesn't want you to be in love with her, because she doesn't feel the same way back. She's not confusing; she wants to flirt with you but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you because she's not in love with you any more. Maybe she does love you in a certain way, maybe she is still attracted to you, but she is not IN love with you. You're the confusing one that can't seem to make your mind up about wanting to be with her and then giving up on her!

When you say "I wish I was good enough for you" you're instantly giving up. You're admitting and accepting that you aren't good enough for this girl, so why should she bother? Why should she be with you if you're not good enough for her and she can do better? Stop with the self-pitying and start trying to be good enough for her. Start saying to yourself that you are good enough for her and you're going to prove it to her that you're a great person to be with. If you really love this girl and want her in your life, how about you try do everything you can to get her back? Whatever the problem with the relationship was before, try fixing it. Try just being a great friend to her, talking to her, being there for her when she needs you. Try sweeping her off her feet and being romantic instead of telling her how you wish you could be.



I'm 17 and I get guys in their early to mid twenties hitting on me, but when I'm in school most guys just want to be my friend. I've had boyfriends but none lasted very long. There's this one guy that's been hitting on me since I was in middle school, he chased me down the street one time just to ask me how old I was and where did I live. He's friends with my brother and every time he comes to my house hes either staring at me or trying to flirt with me and I don't like him. He's 24 yrs old and he's been hitting on me since I was like 12. I was having a conversation with this one guy and he was 18 and I told him I was 17, he reacted with a holy sh*t. I don't dress slutty or wear make up and I don't understand why older guys hit on me or think that Im older than my age. So is it because I look older or because guys think I'm easy because I'm younger? (link)
I think it would be more because you look a little older than you actually are. You might have a mature personality or be quite intelligent for your age as well which can make you seem like you're older. A lot of people (male and female) mistake me for being a year or two older than I am because I seem a little more mature than most of the 19 year olds that they know.

A lot of guys like younger girls too, and I'm sure you're a really pretty girl that just happens to look a few years older than she actually is, so you attract older guys. I don't think it's because they think you're easy, though you should be careful and remind yourself that not everyone has good intentions.

You might notice a lot of guys your age date girls a year or so younger than them. I think it's just a preference thing. I know I personally like guys older than me rather than my exact age or younger. And remember guys your age aren't exactly completely mature yet and haven't got the same confidence as older guys. I think there are probably guys your age that like you but they're just too shy to tell you.

Try to consider it flattering. Obviously you're a gorgeous girl and that attracts attention from older guys. But once again, be careful with hanging around or dating older men. The guy hitting on you since you were 12 is a bit odd though, keep a distance from him. I mean it's flattering, but still weird which you seem to have already picked up on.

And don't worry about the short relationships, most girls your age don't have long term relationships. I know because it was only two years ago for me and most girls my age now still don't have long term relationships. You'll have one when you find the right guy.

Don't get upset about it, it happens to a lot of girls. It's just because you're a really pretty girl and you look a year or two older than you are.


So, I turn 19 in December and there's a guy who's 24. I really like him and he likes me, but is that age difference too much? We are both sophomores in college (I have a late birthday for my year and he took a few years off). Any advice/opinions are appreciated! (link)
I'm guessing you're living in America, so legally there isn't a problem with the age difference. It's really up to you whether you think it's a problem or not.

A problem that may arise may be the drinking thing. I don't think you're allowed to drink yet which could be a future issue. He's legally able to drink and go to bars/clubs/pubs, and being a sophomore he'll probably want to. It it could be a problem if he wants to go out all of the time and you can't. This might not even be a problem for you two, but just throwing it out there.

Always remember that you're young and older guys can and will take advantage of your naivety. I'm not trying to sound condescending or anything like that, it's just the reality of the situation. And I know that even though I'm aware that older guys will take advantage of me, I sometimes just can't see it. I might like them a lot, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and it makes me forget sometimes that not everyone is a nice person.

My advice is to be careful and take things slowly. Don't rush into anything, especially sex. But if the two of you are cool with the age difference then go for it. You only live once man.


mmmkkkaayy i wrote on here like last week the love of my life moved ....cant talk to him and so on so on. well its been like 2 weeks and i still really care for him right but now that he is gone ALOT of guys been trying to talk to me no like 5 or 6 but like 10 or 11 ..... like no joke but i only think some are cute and some i would love to date but i feel guilty that my ex moved. i mean he probably doing what he does and im here not wanting to do anything bcuz of that .what should i do ... i cant call or talk to him bcuz i dont have a phone and i miss him terribly /:
thxx :D (link)
In my opinion, it's not good to date when you're still in love with someone else. It's better to get over that person completely before deciding it's time to move on with another person.

I'm sure you're a pretty girl with a great personality, so lots of guys are talking to you. But there's this thing that happens to a girl when she suddenly becomes single again. Normally the girl is lonely and wanting a little bit of attention, so she gets super excited when a guy or several guys start noticing/talking to her. The thing is, in reality there's probably a lot of these guys you wouldn't want to be with but because it's all exciting having these guys interested in you, you can't see that normally you probably wouldn't like a lot of these guys.

Give yourself some time to heal and get over your ex before dating other guys. This could take a few months, but you need to be patient. It's better to start off on a clean slate with a new person than bring another person into your messy situation.


My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and we love it. we have had multiple fights in the past but we have never broken up. we always make up. he and i have both never cheated either. the problem is that the 'spark' went away. i don't get butterflies when i kiss him, i just know that i love him and the kissing feels good. So i've talked to him tonight and told him i don't know if i am IN love with him like i used to be. i've never been in love before so i don't know what it truly feels like. i know that this feels different though. and then he told me the same. how would we know, and how do i let him know that he is in love with me ? or at least help him realize if he is or not. thank you (link)
Love is one of those things that never seems to make sense, and when it does it's a rarity and a complete surprise.

In love, when you know something, then you absolutely know it. If you know with every part of yourself that you love someone, then you love them. And if you know with every part of yourself that you don't love someone anymore, then you don't. When you don't know something, I think it's because it's not for certain yet.

I find that the butterflies only come for me in the beginning when it's exciting, new and flirty. As the relationship progresses, it can become kind of boring because things like kisses are something you get every day. It's not special or exciting anymore. But I think there is a different kind of feeling you get when you're in love with someone. It's kind of like butterflies but different. For me, it's this happy feeling. It kind of warms up inside of me and makes me smile. It's this feeling that makes me comfortable wherever I am and relaxes me. It's kind of a feeling that makes me feel special too, like I'm important and beautiful. Its a feeling that makes me know I'm in the right place, doing the right thing; a feeling that makes me know I'm meant to be with that person. But I don't know if everyone feels that way. It can be different for every person.

I don't think butterflies happen when you're in love, I think they happen when you have a crush on someone or you're just starting to love them. They're a combination of exhilaration, anticipation and nerves. When you fall in love with someone, you lose the nerves because you're comfortable around them.

I've had this before in a relationship where I had huge feelings for the person I was in that relationship with. We were best friends and fit together like two puzzle pieces. We started losing those in love feelings and eventually broke up. We stopped talking for a long time and I felt like I was a whole different person without him, a person that wasn't me. I tried to move on and felt like I was improving. We got back in contact and became really great friends again. I just had this epiphany one day and realised that even after two years, I was still just as in love with him as i was back then and suddenly everything made sense. I couldn't feel like I was myself without him in my life, I was not at all attracted to any other guy even though I tried to pretend I was, and since we'd met seven years ago I had been in love with him. It's funny how things work out.

I guess my terrible advice is that you don't really know until you know. You could wake up tomorrow and know that you're in love with him or that you're not in love with him. You could break up and realise that you really do love him or that you just weren't meant to be together any more. If you don't know how you feel, don't give up on your relationship just yet unless you think it's a good idea.

I honestly believe that if it's meant to be, it will. Maybe you two aren't in love right now because for whatever reason right now isn't the right time to be together, but in the future you'll get back together and it'll be a lot better for the both of you.

I'm sorry this is answer doesn't help you out much, but it's impossible for anyone to know if you are in love with your boyfriend or if he is still in love with you, that's something only the two of you can figure out.


this guy likes me, i would say yes but he has a flaw dat i really have a prob with i dont know why it just bothers me its dat he has a big birth mark on his chin and its the red kind. i know he cant fix it but i just wanna ask him in a nice way 2 like put concealer on it or something i cant think of a nice way 2 say it tho it just sounds mean but i dont think its 2 unreasonable (link)
It doesn't sound mean, it is mean and completely unreasonable. This is something he's lived with his whole life that will never go away. His birth mark is a part of him. It's so rude to ask him to cover up a part of him that he has no control over and that he can't 'fix'. How would you feel if he told you to cover up a part of yourself? Like, to cut or dye your hair because he didn't like it, or to wear shoes all the time because he thought your feet were ugly?

If you can't accept him with the way he looks now, then don't bother. There's no nice way to ask him to cover up a part of himself that he probably already feels horribly self conscious about, and shame on you for trying to change someone to make yourself feel better.


Hi I'm Haley I'm 13.Well yesterday my 15 yearold brother's friend came over and my brother wasn't home.Since I knew him we were just chillin in my room and talking and stuff.Then we didn't have anything to talk about and he asked if I wanted to makeout I said yes and we started kissing on my bed and my dad justs comes in my room after like 5 mins.He was pretty mad at me and today after he picked me up from school he told me I'm grounded.Why is my dad so upset with me?! Any advice is welcome (link)
Because you're his 13 year old daughter and you're making out with a guy, who also happens to be older than you which doesn't help. He's being a dad and getting upset that you're growing up.


My boyfriend and I just broke up and I have never felt this horrible..

I cant get over it. Theres times when I think im fine but it always goes back to wondering if hes thinking of me and wondering if he will ever come back.

Our relationship hasnt been good for a while and so I ended it. But now im regretting everything, I know he wont accept me back and honestly I dont think that I'd be okay if I had to chase him. It was a weird break up because we talked on the phone for like 2 hours and we ended with saying we'd prob get back in a year or 2 and that we love each other. But now that ive had time to think about it...Im doubting we will get back if its been that long. I cant stand the thought of him getting with other girls but this is probably going to happen :/ I feel pathetic and horrible and I really dont know what I should do to get over this. I love him so much but it just wasnt working out :[ (link)
What you feel is expected. Most of the time when anyone breaks up with someone they feel massive regret after wards and feel like they would give anything just to be back with them.

This decision is really up to you and what you think would be best for you, but I'll try and give you some advice that might make the decision a little more clear.

Sometimes two people just aren't compatible, but sometimes it's just timing and place. Sometimes two people just cannot work right now for whatever reason, and it's healthier for them to not be together.

This is my experience with incompatibility-

My previous relationship wasn't working out well, so we broke up. We had the same kind of thing you did, but we were sitting in a car talking for an hour or two and it was really sad. In a week or two we got back together because I missed him so much, and things just got worse. The problems I had with him before hadn't resolved and only became worse during the next few months. We broke up again, and still I had that regret feeling and wanted to be back with him. I think it's normal, even when you know you don't belong with someone or that it's not good to be with them, to feel utter regret when you're not with them any more and to want to be back with them. They were a part of your life, and for anyone to leave your life that you care about and have been emotionally trusting in really hurts.

You need to look back on why you two broke up and whether the better decision (which is a really hard decision to make) is to just let him go. It wasn't too good for a while, but why? Do you think this problem is going to continue if you get back together now? Are you willing to deal with this problem again, and also the possibility of having to break up again?

It's really difficult, but you have to force yourself not to talk to him in any way for a while. When your feelings start to subside (and they WILL after time) then you can consider being friends. Remember that too, no matter who they are you will always move on from them in time. Sometimes it can take a really long time, but eventually you will get over them.

If you know he won't want to get back with you now, then you just have to deal with it. It's so hard and it hurts so much, but the first two weeks are the hardest. It's critical in this stage to try to avoid him so you don't keep hurting yourself.

I honestly believe that if it's meant to happen, it will. My current boyfriend and I had been together before about 2 years ago. It didn't work out because of the timing and place. We were still in high school, he moved far away and we weren't dealing well with long distance, and we both weren't ready for a long term relationship. We started talking again a year later and became really great friends like we were for several years after we first met. After about a year, we finally told each other that we'd never gotten over one another and felt even stronger about each other than the first time we were together.

In this time I had another boyfriend, he'd had another girlfriend, and I think if we had stayed together it probably would have ruined the relationship forever. Sometimes things turn out a certain way in life so that they can work out better for you in the future. Sometimes a little heartache now will lead you to a better relationship or a more compatible boyfriend later in life. And breakups and things that hurt us make us mature us and make us better people.

Maybe it won't work out again with my boyfriend and I, but I think I'm okay with that. Because I believe that things happen for a reason and even though things hurt sometimes, they hurt so that we can have wonderful things later on.

I'm sorry this is a bit all over the place lol. I just want you to know that what you're feeling is normal and that it can work out in all different ways. You could get back together, you could never get back together, you could meet someone else you love a lot more, there's all different possibilities. It's up to what you think is best for NOW, right here and right now. Anythings possible in the future, but you need to make sure that you're happy and healthy in your current time and place.

And I know you want to know how to get over him, but I know how easy it is to get back with someone. And even though you say he won't get back with you, I think there's always a good possibility you two might. To help yourself get through it, you just have to be strong willed and avoid him for a while. Preoccupy yourself with homework, study or work and surround yourself with loving friends. Remember that it's good to cry, but after a little while you need to pick yourself back on and get back to being a happy person.


Okay so lately me and my ex boyfriend(we are basically back together but I keep telling him no because my family or friends arent ready to accept him back into my life) have been growing kinda distant. Its not my doing and Ive been getting really emotional over it all. He just moved a few states away but weve done long distance for more than a year. Its like the more I try the less he does. He still says he loves me and wants to be with me for a really long time but im just not feeling the love really. He says its all in my head and nothing is wrong but I just dont know. For example, last night I tried talkiing to him about it and telling him that I was upset and asked if we should see other people. He was like do whatever you want. And I got upset and was like wow do you even care if I leave? And he said that he does and he still loves me but hes tired of me asking the same question over and over. But he doesnt call very much and barely texts me back. I know hes always been bad with the phone but we are back to long distance so he should be dying to talk to me like before. What Im scared of is pushing him away by being too clingy but I dont want him to forget about me either. If anyone knows a way that I could win over his heart again or feel better about this because maybe it really is in my head. I mean it is the first few days of him living away from home but when I first moved away last year I loved talking to him and telling him about my adventures.

Another problem is that I feel completely dependent on him. I really want to fix it. It might be the main reason we are fighting...because I keep wanting more and more. I just really want to be loved and feel like I still make him happy. Hes so focused on boxing and stuff that he seems to always be too tired for me. I know for a fact he isnt cheating on me because hes not the type at all. I really want to feel okay and not so freaking pathetic without him. Please someone help me and give me some good advice about all of this. I dont want to lose him but I dont want to keep being upset. (link)
It's really difficult for me to know if he does love you and is just getting frustrated at you always asking, or if he is growing distant. But I think it's probably the first reason.

I know how it feels to be dependent on someone, and it's hard to not be when you love them so much. The problem with being dependent on someone else is that you don't understand when that person is hurting you, and you run back to them every time you break up.

Honestly, he sounds like a nice guy. But think about why you two broke up before and if those problems have resolved. These might be what's causing friction.

Okay so with the dependence part. The only way I learnt to be independent and not so needy was by being in terrible relationships. But the good thing about my terrible relationships is I can tell you what I discovered without you having to go through the same thing!

I realised that what's most important is me. You have to always remember that. You come first in your life. That doesn't mean that everything is about you, or that he should be perfect to you, it means that your primary focus should be your education/work/career. What I mean is that you should enjoy your life and work hard to get wherever you want to be. You should hang out with friends and spend time with family. Yes he's important, but there are a lot of other amazing things in your life that you should focus on too.

To stop the clingy-ness, just put things into perspective. He's not perfect, and no one is. You shouldn't expect him to be. In fact, he's a boy, and boys never live up to girls' expectations. You should be less hard on him. He's not intentionally avoiding you or trying to upset you, he's probably just trying to deal with a new place and a long distance girlfriend, both of which are difficult. This is what makes me less clingy with boyfriends, understanding that they are human and they aren't perfect. They make mistakes, say the wrong thing and they will never do or say what I hope they'll do or say. But the more understanding I am with them, and just the more relaxed around them I am, the more they want to be around me.

Also, make sure that you can financially and emotionally support yourself on your own. It doesn't matter if you're 15 or 25, having a job and being a strong, confident woman are important. I'm 19, and my last boyfriend made me realise how much I love being financially independent. I like working, I like earning my own money, I like putting that effort in and getting something back for it. I like paying for myself and paying my own bills. Just being able to take care of myself makes me feel more independent and a lot less dependent on others. I don't have a huge group of friends, but I regularly see my closest friends. Some only once a month, and others once a week, but having other friends gives me emotional stability. I'm not relying on my boyfriend constantly for his love and support, because I have others as well which makes me less dependent on him. And with or without friends or boyfriends, I still feel smart, special and beautiful with how I am. You should remind yourself that you're all of these things with or without your boyfriend every day.

The reason why he's probably being more distant is because of how you're speaking to him. Why would he want to talk to you when all you do is question whether he loves you or not? Think about it in reverse. Would you want to talk to him if he kept asking you if you loved him? Even though they're boys, it hurts them to think you don't trust them and believe them. Especially when they really care about you. Just back up a bit and try to be more positive. Don't be so worried about if he loves you or not, just enjoy talking to him whenever you get the chance.

If you really don't think this guy likes you, then maybe you should consider letting him go. If you decide this though, it has to be definite. You CANNOT go back to him. Because you're really dependent on him, this can be really difficult to do, so you have to have a lot of will power to stop yourself from going back to him.

Long distance relationships can work, but it takes effort. Even if you don't speak to each other every day, there needs to be a lot of trust, which is lacking here. You don't trust him, and that's putting pressure on the relationship. It's hard to accept that he loves you, but just give it a shot.


my boyfriend turns 17 soon and im only 13 what should i do???? (link)
Over the 4 and a half years on this website there have been a lot of questions about being too old or young for someone, and I think I'm finally coming to a conclusion.

Life is life. You'll make mistakes and regrets. You'll accomplish some things, fail at others, and succeed in your own way. You'll meet people, make friends, lose friends, love people and lose people.

If you don't think he's too old, and you don't think you're too young, then I think it's fine. If you feel uncomfortable with it, or if you feel like maybe he is too old or you're too young, then you should really think about whether you should be in this relationship.

If you decide to stay with him and it doesn't work out, that's okay. Sometimes that happens in life. You'll meet new, amazing people and have more relationships in the future.


im 13 and i talk to alot of older guys mostly 15 16 17 year olds and like we talk and get to know each other and then they ask me out i usally say yeah and then they send my umm picks that i really don't want then they ask me for pics and i have sent them but then the next day i usally have a new boyfriend i love talking to guys but i just feel like a slut because they are so much older then me does that make me a slut??? (link)
A slut is normally someone that sleeps around a lot. You're definitely NOT a slut.

I think the word 'slut' is an ugly word that people shouldn't use. People have their own bodies and can use them however they want, it's no one else's business but theirs.

You're really young, and older guys know that they can take advantage of your naivety. When I was in school, a lot of guys my age would date girls in younger grades. One, because it was easier to date them then girls their own age, and two, because it's easier to persuade them to do things like take pictures of themselves or have sex.

You're a really smart girl for not taking pictures. You could send one picture to a guy you really like and trust, and he could show everyone he knows. You're a teenage girl and no matter what I say you're going to do your own thing, but try not to give in to something you don't want to do. If you don't feel comfortable doing something, even if you're under a lot of pressure to do it, you have every right to say no.

Every girl, especially when they become teenagers, love hanging out with guys and having boyfriends. It's normal! But if being with them makes you uncomfortable, then stop for a while. You will always have the chance to have boyfriends in the future. If they ask you to take pictures and you don't want to, then say no straight out. If they have a problem, well who cares? They're not a nice guy if they aren't willing to listen to you and understand when you don't want to do things.

I know you're smart enough to make your own decisions. Just remember that older guys can and will try to manipulate you to do things that they want, so be careful.


Hi so long story short I'm 15f and the guy is 17m andwe had a lot of flirting going on in summer 2010 nothing happened and I guess you can say it's the closest I ever got with a guy. He switched schools last school year half way through idk why. But he randomly just stopped texting me way back in septtember. No I just over think things all the time and I'm allways sad bc I miss him and I want that summer back. And I hear stories about him doing stuff with other girls and yet they don't effect me the way I think I still feel. Ive been wanting to get over him bug allways he just pops into my head and I don't share stuff with people so I allways just go in my room and cry like every day:( please help to getoverhim (link)
You're not depressed or obsessed, you're a normal teenage girl!

I remember when I was 15 and had the biiigest crush on a guy in a few of my classes, which lasted for about a year!

At any age, when you like someone and they stop talking to you, it hurts. Whether you're 15 or 25, you always get upset that the guy you like doesn't feel the same way back. The difference is that this is one of the first guys you've liked a lot. I know it's one of the first guys you've liked a lot because you're still upset about what happened.

I promise you'll find someone else and get over this guy eventually, it just takes some time. The best way to get over someone is to take a deep breath, hold your head up high and enjoy your life. It's okay to be sad and cry, but you should be happy! Spend more time every week outside of school with your friends, by surrounding yourself with people you love and happy times you'll become a happier person.

The only thing that will help you get completely over him is time. You liked him a lot, and that's why it hurts so much. But think about it as a good thing. Isn't it wonderful that you were able to feel something so strong? Not everything in life can be good, you have to take the bad that comes with it to.

Don't keep it all pushed down inside of you, talk to your friends! I love being able to talk to my best friends about problems and if I'm still sad about old boyfriends and what-not. And I love when my friends come to me to talk, because it means they trust me and want to share their personal thoughts and feelings with me.

What you feel is completely normal, every girl I know has gone through the same thing! Just don't let this stop you from living your life and being happy. So remember, spend more time with friends, don't forget to smile, and always remember that you WILL get over him in time.


If you get itchy "down there" does that count as masterbating? cause I get itchy sometimes, but I don't masterbate. just saying. (link)
Nah, masturbating involves stimulating yourself. Scratching is just scratching.


Hey I asked you a question on may 17th about me and my boy of almost 2 years broke up and he used to do pills. Well its now been a week and a half and ive never felt this heartbroken. Hes been going out a lot and we have the same friends so I havent been trying to hang with tjem cause honestly it must depresses me more. But what bugs me so much is that he seems completly over it :/ like I can barely function and hes out and forgot about me. This boy used to tell me when hed break up with me and when we were together how much he wished we met later in life and he prayed wed get married someday. Im not tje kinda girl who fishes for this stuff so I know he wasnt just saying it. But how can he be so fine, like I feel like crap about myself and like im the biggest loser ever. Do you think he will come back in a couple months? Hes also moving to pennsylvania togo to school and I live in florida but we had a long distance relationship for a year now so I dont think itd matter. Please help :( im so depressed and I feel so lonely :( (link)
I know how horrible it is to love someone and them move on so easily. Recently, I lost one of my best friends that I'd been friends with for such a long time, and it was like being in a break up. I was so upset and depressed, and she didn't care one bit.

I knowwwwwwww how horrible this is, I really, really do. But, I promise you that it will go away. It might take some time, but really it will go away and you'll wonder why you even wasted your time on him.

I think the fact that he's fine and moving on easily is telling you that you did the right thing. It feels so horrible that you invested so much time, energy, trust and love into a person to have them throw it back at you like that, but there is always a little bit of silver lining in that big dark cloud. If he's able to move on so easily, then you deserve someone so much better than that. And now, he's gone. You're not going to waste another 2 years on someone that doesn't appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. It'll hurt for a while, and it might even make you a bit distant when it comes to your next relationships, but you'll learn what you expect in a relationship to avoid people that hurt you like this.

The first couple of weeks are the absolute hardest. You want to talk more than anything, you want him to feel bad, you want him to come crawling back to you begging for your forgiveness, but if you can get through the first two weeks, then you can get through a month. And if you can get through a month, you can get through 6 months. And if you can get through 6 months, you can live your life without him. You've already made it a week and a half, so I know that you can live a happy life without him.

It is so hard and horrible right now, and it will be for a while, but I promise you with every part of me that it WILL go away. As long as you stay away from him and don't let him back into your life, it will go away. If you let him back, even a little, it's not going to disappear.

Maybe he really did want all that, maybe he does, but he doesn't deserve you. He hasn't made the effort, and he's had soo many chances! Please don't go back to him, I know it's hard, but he's not going to change sweetie. Let him go. Deal with the pain, even as horrible as it is, so that you can move on and be with someone better for you in the future.

If you want to hang out with mutual friends, then you do it. Ask them to not tell you about him, even if you want them to. It's just going to make it harder for you.

You're nothing close to a loser, you are so strong and wonderful.

It's meant to be depressing and lonely, that's how it's meant to feel, but it will go away in time. Don't cut your friends out because they know him. You should always take out a little time for those people that have always been good friends to you. And if you don't, then maybe turn to your personal friends or even family (like siblings or your mum) and spend some time with them.

I think he probably will come back at some point. But don't give in. He's coming back because he knows you'll take him back. I know it's hard, but give him up. Let him go and move on with your life.

Don't ever forget how amazing you are, and that you deserve so much more than him.


I just got asked out by one of the most popular kids in my grade. You could tell he really wanted to go out with me. I don't like him, but practically all of the girls do. They keep telling me that I should of said "yes" to him. They also say, "You were so dumb for not saying yes! Any girl would want to be asked out by him!!!!"
BUT I DON'T LIKE HIM!!!!!! Should I go back and say "yes"? Or say "no" and be real? I'm only 11! Help! (link)
NOOO! Don't just date a guy because people tell you to!

You did the right thing! If you don't like someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. It's mean to them, because you're just leading them on. If people have a problem with that, so what? It's none of their business anyway.

Always be real.




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