|
My relationship with my family is having a negative impact on me.
Hi,
I'm a 26-year-old college graduate with my Bachelor of Arts in English. It took me awhile to graduate because I wasn't sure if a formal education was what I wanted or needed. My parents assured me it was but, so I finally finished my degree a couple months ago. My parents insisted that I have a full-time job until I found something better so I currently work at a daycare. Even though they don't understand, the job is very stressful--and I get paid minimum wage without any benefits. I really would like to try something new but my parents only want me in a professional job. I also live in MI and the job market is awful here. I feel like I should abide my parents wishes since I live under their roof, but like I previously stated, I am absolutely miserable at this job. I've been snapping at the children lately and I really feel like the stress has been getting to me. My parents say, "deal with it--you need to pay your dues, everyone has stress in their life" My question is: doesn't my happiness count to. Do they really want me to be happy or do they just want me to find a professional job so they can push me out the door as soon as possible. I'm considered a "loser" in my family because it took me so long to graduate and I don't have a good job. A lot of emphasis is put on careers in my family. I don't know what to do; I'd rather work another less stressful job, even if I'm still getting minimum wage. I feel like I put way too much work and effort into my job to be paid so little. What are your thoughts on the matter-do you think I just have to bite the bullet and do what my parents want or do you think a job is a job and as long as I find a replacement, it shouldn't be an issue. Please let me know; I would greatly appreciate your help and insight. Thanks, Whitney
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Yes your happiness does count you deserve happiness like the rest of us your no different
i do think your parents want you to be happy &
want nothing less you shouldn't call yourself a
loser seeing as you aren't you graduated college
& have your degree that's a huge accomplishment not to mention you've got a job be thankful jobs aren't easy to come by these days yes it took you a while to graduate but you did that's the main thing that matters the amount of time it took you doesn't i think you should try to stick it out at your job for your sake you getting paid minimum wage is better then getting paid nothing & being unemployed even though their your parents i wouldn't listen to them their stressing you out & are controlling you it's your life not their's you can do what you want your able to make decisions & know right from wrong yes you should listen to your parents to a certain extend but this time you shouldn't when it comes to your life your in control of it not your parents(:
]
You are 26 years old and can make your own decisions. You want to a different job with more money and benefits you do that! You did what your parents asked you made it threw school you graduated college now you do your thing.
]
You have asked several questions as well as made some statements I would like to address.
Lets start with an easy one; your happiness: Yes you are entitled to be happy, everyone is. Part of being happy is a job you actually like doing. You can have a job that pays all the money you could ever have and still not be happy. You could have a job that pays very little and be extremely happy.
This does not or would not mean you are a loser. Any job that pays an honest dollar for an honest days work is a good job. If your good at that job and you are happy at at job this counts more than having a job you are miserable at and makes you unhappy. You cannot in my estimation be a "Loser" when you are working at an honest job, making an honest dollar, regardless of whether you are happy or not.
"I feel like I should abide my parents wishes since I live under their roof." You should be very proud of yourself for wanting to live by this rule. You are also stifling yourself by trying to honor them this way. It is unfortunate that many young people today cannot leave the nest as they are destined to much earlier in life. You are indeed fortunate that your parents are not forcing you out. They should not be forcing rules on you meant for young teenagers. Your an adult and you need to find you way in life. Yes the job market where you live is bad. This means to find a more fulfilling job you may have to look outside the area you live in, possibly in another state. You need the freedom to do so.
There are pockets of areas where jobs are plentiful. The Dakotas have jobs going empty. The District of Columbia has a very low unemployment rate for educated people. If this is what you want, a job you are qualified for and would be happy in. Then you need to be prepared to move. You need rent, food, transportation and utility money to hold you until the first pay check arrives. Once you have this money start searching for these out of state, out of area jobs.
You can continue to work at the job you have while job searching. Use the web to send out resumes and complete online applications. Many of these out of state positions will do initial interviews over the phone. If invited for a face to face interview it is almost granted you will be hired.
For what it is worth I don't think you are a loser. You are caught between the old ways and the unfortunate situation of today. If you sat around feeling sorry for yourself living off your parents and not working, had not finished college. In other words just being a free loading dead beat, then maybe you could classify yourself as a loser. I don't see that here.
About the only thing I can see here is that if you want a better job where you presently live you are going to have to look harder for the few that may exist. The alternative is to look to relocate to where the jobs do exist.
]
1) The job.
I'm 19 years old. I've been working in reception on weekends at a real estate agency for two years. I started when I was 17 years old and from the first moment I stepped into the place I hated the job. I hated the whole four walled office feel and working 9-5. I'm a creative person and I need space and freedom, so this was just not my thing. But I thought that a job was a job and you're meant to deal with it.
A year after I got this job I applied for some holiday work when it was Uni (college) break. I worked for about 6 weeks at this little Christmas stall as a retail assistant, and I absolutely loved it. When I went to work at the real estate or whenever I thought about the job I got anxious feelings. After the retail job, I realised that that is not what a job is about. Work and life are not about being unhappy, stressed, and simply earning money. You should enjoy your job and you should be happy and feel fulfilled in life.
The other day when I was sitting in the office my manager was talking to another colleague of mine. He said, "If you get a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach every day when you finish work, then you're in the wrong job." What he means is, if you don't feel happy, if you don't feel fulfilled, if you don't feel like this is where you should be, then you are not in a job that is right for you.
A job is not just a job. A job is a part of your life and it's something you should absolutely enjoy. It's not always perfect, but at the end of the day you should feel happy about being there. Childcare does not seem to be your thing, and that's totally fine. It means that you can start crossing off things that you do not want in a workplace and start considering things you do want in a workplace.
By the way, what do you want? Not your parents, but YOU. Make a list of things YOU want in a job, or simply in your life right now. So, for me, in my future career, I want to be happy. I want to earn a decent amount of money, but I still want to be happy doing what I do. I want a job that provides opportunities and promotions - so maybe a job in a company that has sectors overseas for me to travel to. I want a job that treats me like a person and not a number. I also want something that has some sort of creative element that can keep me stimulated. These are just ambiguous things, but they're things that I want in a job. Making a simple list like this of things you want can help you understand what kind of jobs would suit you. And then you can make the next step to apply for them and try them out. The thing is, happiness in your career does exist. I've met teachers who adore their jobs, retail assistants that love going to work every day, and University lecturers that wouldn't want to be doing anything else.
2) The parents.
You're 26 years old. I absolutely do not think you should be letting your parents or family decide what you should do with your life. I think in a way they're trying to decide what is best for you, and in a certain way that is their way of protecting you and taking care of you. But, if it's not what you want to do, you have to stop listening to your parents and go your own way. Think of all the things you've wanted to be, and maybe you've tried to forget them because you've been trying to do what your parents want you to do. And it can be anything; a dancer, scientist, mathematician, gardener...etc. Why not do it? I'm at University with 60 something year olds who are studying to become teachers because they've decided that's what they want to do, why can't you do what you want to do? Don't feel threatened by your age, you're still so young! And it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get you where you want to be, as long as you end up happy it will all be worth it.
Stop listening to what your parents and family say and start thinking about what YOU want, and honestly what you need right now in your life. This is your life, live it! Get a passport, travel the globe, move to a new city and try new things, get into a new degree, read, write, dance, apply for new jobs, do whatever you want to! The way I know I really want something is when I think of it and I get this crazy, impulsive, excited feeling all over. I want to move overseas desperately, and whenever I think about it and how crazy it is I just get this energising feeling all over and it makes me feel like I could do anything. This feeling is what makes me want to do it so much, because I've never wanted something this much in my life.
Be crazy. Do crazy things. The world is your oyster, so go for it!
And you are not a loser. You're a college graduate which is something to be proud of. You're an amazing person and I hope you really reach for the stars and find something that suits you and makes you happy. Even if it's just by looking for other jobs and sending out resumes - everyone has to start somewhere! My only tip is to start saving now, even if you don't know what you want to do. Put a bit of money away each week. It could come in handy one day.
Goodluck!
]
More Questions: |