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What should I do? Future love life put on hold now?
I am 19 and I've dated 2 guys. Technically, just one because the second didn't last very long. My first boyfriend I was very close to. We had problems but we were very fond of each other, went out for almost a year. I was 18 when we were together. When it comes to dating, I don't want to just date around for the fun of it, I want to pick someone worth being with, worth actually having a future with. The problem is, I don't really know guys like that. Also, the problem is that I'm not going to just date anybody. Religion and culture is very important to me because I was raised in such a family. It is of importance to me, so don't think it's not. I find myself attractive to guys of my same culture and religion as well, because it plays such a huge role in my life. The thing is with the guy I dated, he is of a family that holds my religion and culture, but he's not religious. Also, I am going off to either grad school or med school. I would like to be with someone of that educational standard. I mean, it's only fair to him and to me. These are just preferences, but I don't want to be the girl who has the secret love affair with the mailman, if you know what I mean. My first ex wants to go off to the airforce, and I am not holding him against it. My question is basically, should I hold on to him and forsake what I want in a guy? Or should I wait and further progress my life in the direction I want it to go in and then worry about finding the right guy? I am also not the kind of girl who has guys hitting on her all the time, so it's not easy for me to put myself out there. What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
There is a book I want you to read:
"Escape from Freedom" by Erich Fromme.
You are basically voluntarily imprisoning yourself inside of a cage created by your religion and culture, which greatly limits your possibilities in life. Moreover, it fosters an "us against them" mindset that causes things like wars and terrorism. And the primary motivation for you being so xenophobic/ethnocentric is fear.
Listen kiddo, there are seven billion people in this world, each with his/her own sensibility, and everything is becoming increasingly globalized. Those who can't or refuse to adapt to diversity are going to be in for a rough ride down the line.
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I think you have a lot of great goals and you have a lot of great ideas for your future. I think when it comes to guys however you hold an unreal standard. Ever heard of the saying you 'can't help who you fall in love with'? Love is love no matter how you define it. Whether you fall in love with someone who is going to be a lawyer or someone who is a sales rep at a clothing store. You don't choose who you fall in love with.
You are very similar to me. I only date guys to see if there is a future I don't want to play around and just date to date. You being 19 though, you ahve plenty of time to get whatever you need to do done and to date. You aren't going to find Mr. Right right now or maybe you already have and you just haven't looked hard enough. Now I'm not syaing your ex is the one but what was the reason for the break up? Was it because he didn't meet your standards? If that's the case then I would rethink your decision. The only standard I whole today is you have to have a great personality. All the other things are just extra.
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Well, you have to ask yourself if this guy is worth putting your beliefs and wants behind you. If you truly love him, what he wants to do with his life shouldn't be a problem.
But I understand that your religion and culture is very big part of your life. And I really respect that about you. But you have to understand finding a guy who shares the same amount of committment and love towards it will be kind of hard to find. If your religion and culture mean more to you than a guy who could be the one, than I say focuse on school, and wait for this guy to come to you. You never know, once you start school there will be plenty of guys who will share the same interest as you, and be getting a degree which is also what you want.
You just really have to think about the pro's and the con's and see which one balances out to fit what you truly want inside.
Good Luck!
If you need anything else feel free to inbox me<3
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