ask AdviceMistress

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

I really want to help people with whatever they maybe going if you have a question please send me a message I would be happy to help! Or feel free to send me an email, I check it daily.

Gender: Female
Member Since: July 12, 2004
Answers: 1501
Last Update: March 6, 2015
Visitors: 38719

Main Categories:
Work/School Relationships
Love Life
View All

Favorite Columnists
24/f in college

The semester started two months ago but there was this one class that just started in the middle of the semester. It was suppose to be my first day in it and I was feeling very sick since the night before. I thought it was nothing and was going to sleep it out. I would feel better tomorrow and go to school. The next morning, I woke up and could barely move. I got out of bed and felt my heart beating really hard, my ears were buzzing, and I temporary blacked put. I kept thinking I can sleep it out. As the day went, it got worse. I quickly emailed my teachers and told them I'm sorry. I was sick and will miss their classes since I was going to the ER. Apparently, something triggered the disease I have. I was rushed into ICU. I have a serious pre-existing medical condition which my primary doc said was being maintained. The doctor said if I waited longer I would have died. Surgery was performed right away. Luckily, it was a success but I am in a lot of pain despite the painkillers. Post op, when I finally got a hold of a laptop, I checked my student email. The new teacher sent me an email. It sounded like he didn't receive my earlier email about going to the ER. He said I was irresponsible for missing the first day with no excuse, made assumptions about my priorities and work ethics. The things he said and the tone was very belittling. I'm a straight A student. I never missed class unless I have too. I never even meet this teacher and for him to accuse me of these things made me feel awful. I cried. The nurses thought I was in pain from the surgery and kept giving me painkillers. I was just discharged. What should I do when I meet him in class? I might be emotional from the whole ordeal but I feel like I don't want him as a teacher if he said those things about me. (link)
I would definitely talk to this teacher and make sure you get a doctors note to let him know. Just sit down and have an honest discussion with him and tell him the situation. If he doesn't understand I would definitely talk to a guidance counselor or maybe another authority at school. Feel better!


I don't know how come,but literally every girl is beautiful and I am not. I always ruin photos,they look gorgeous and then there's me. I'm 160 cm tall and I'm plus size but not fat. I just don't feel good being me. I feel ugly and am ugly. Why is everyone blessed with beauty and I am not? I am dressed up most of the time,I have nice clothes on,jewelry,make up,everything. I try to eat healthy,I exercise an hour and a half three times a week. Yet despite all of that I'm still ugly. I can't even get a boyfriend,and my best friend will be married in 2 days. In short I'm simply desperate. (link)
I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think the one thing you need to do is love yourself. I personally use to beat myself up about the way I looked but in the end this is what God gave me. Don't put yourself down it's not going to help you. You only have one life live it!! You deserve to just as much as anyone else. How do you expect someone to love you if you don't love yourself?

I have been dating this guy for a while now.we are in a long distance relationship. Last night after I spoke to him,he said "be mine,always be mine".
What does that mean?I kinda got confused! If we are dating,am I not already his? (link)
I wouldn't think to much into it. He was just saying that he cares about you. I would ask him what he really meant but then again don't think too much about it. It was sweet.

21/f, 27/m

I have been friends with almost all of my exes. Some of them are close friends (the ones that were not serious and dated when I was in middle school/high school). I don't see them as often and I don't talk to them as often, whether or not if they are my close friends.

He is friends with this girl who was his first serious relationship... And for some reason, it bothers me.

I want to be okay with it because it's not fair that I'm friends with all of my exes but I have a problem with him being friends with... I don't know how many but her in particular. How can I be okay with it? How can I stop being paranoid?

I remember he told me he was planning on giving her stuff back. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months but not exclusively. He's told me he doesn't like her anymore but I can't help but worry he may want to start things up again with her since they only broke up in the beginning of the year.

How can I be okay with it? How can I stop being paranoid? How can I stop thinking too much into it? (link)
Have you told him how you feel? It's tough especially if it's his first love? Are they talking constantly? Because if that's the case then he needs to get his priorities straight. I don't think it's okay to talk to your ex when you're in a relationship. They are an ex for a reason. I don't talk to any of my exes. Yes I've tried in the past to make a friendship work between us but it never did because they was always hurt feelings or an argument. If you're going out with someone it's best to get rid of the extra baggage (ie your exes). I would really talk to him and tell him how you feel that is really the only way to fix things. Chances are if you feel like something is wrong than it normally is. Listen to your gut.

My brother in law had a heart attack, we have been doing his share of the work in our business for nearly a year. He isnt well enough to probably ever work, but he wants his income to continue so he wants us to keep doing his work. He has been careless in every aspect of his life, has substantial debt, and lives a lifestyle that will eventually kill him. How do we shake him loose? My husband is exhausted from all the extra work, I am frustrated and want to leave, my son feels like a slave. All we do is fight over this, we need him to stop being a burden to us. (link)
It sounds like you need to stop helping him. I feel bad for the fact that he had a heart attack but if you're not going to take care of yourself why should someone else. Now I'm not saying you should cut him off completely. Of course you can always say that you are there for support and if he ever needs to talk. You have your own family you need to take care of. If he isn't capability of taking care of himself then he should be in the hospital or in a facility that will do so. Where is his wife or children? I know it sounds harsh but honestly you've got your own life to worry about. Good luck!


There was this guy in college that I confessed my feelings to. He was a bit startled by my confession but he said we could try dating after our exam term is over. After 2 months he hasn't sent me a single text. We live in different towns. It is clear to me that he doesn't like me. I'm incredibly mad that he wasn't honest. I told him that it's ok if he doesn't like me back,that I understand and we can still stay friends. In spite of that he insisted he likes me. And then he went without even acknowledging my existence. I have an exam in 2 days and he'll be there too. I hate liars from the bottom of my soul. I will have a hard time resisting my urge to rip him apart. Confronting him will not help because he just avoids the subject. So,how do you suggest I should act around him? I'm a medical student and I am here to help people,not hurt them. But I really have an urge to kick this guy's a**. (link)
I think you should rise above it. I would just act natural and friendly towards him. It's loss in the end anyways. You can just say 'hi how are you?' and end it there instead of getting into the whole thing. Maybe he was nervous to tell you that he didn't feel the same way. Regardless, you should move on because he's the past and you should be looking toward your future.

Dear Vikki

I'm 24 and from South Africa. I have been in a relationship for almost 7 months now and before that we were only friends. I love him a lot and care about him a lot, but at times I feel that my insecurities gets in the way and it ends up in us having an argument about something small and stupid. See we have a long distance relationship at the moment and it is mostly when he cannot have decent conversation at night because his busy and then I start thinking "maybe he doesn't want to talk to me" , "maybe he doesn't find me interesting anymore and he will leave me for someone else" and I do know that he cares for me a lot and that he loves me and as soon as I think I have these feelings under control, it creeps in again. I don't want to lose him, because I was insecure and clingy. I never was like this in the beginning. I was cheated on before and most of the times it is when I'm away from him, when we are together, I don't have it and because of this it makes things hard for me. I care about people real fast and they can actually hurt me with words. How do I get past this? How can I get past my insecurities and not be clingy when I feel like these emotions are creeping in? I'm not jealous when it comes to being his girlfriends, because I know what type of guy he is. I know he will never cheat on me, but because I don't always see myself as beautiful, I'm sometimes afraid he will leave me for someone more beautiful than me. The guy that cheated on me used to say to me, that I shouldn't think that someone can love me, because there feelings will change. I was so deeply hurt.

Is there any advice you can give me? Guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to that I don't know personally!

I've always heard people say 'you have to love yourself before anyone else can'. Sometimes guys have a different way of showing how much they care. My fiancé use to be one of those guys and it would bother me to no end. I realized my worth though, and if I was going to stay around with him he needed to try a little harder. I don't think you're the problem. Just because he isn't always talkative doesn't mean you are the problem. 'The only trouble with long distance relationships is doubt'. If you love him and care about him just let him be and don't take it personally. Good luck!

I havnent been able to sleep very well for the past week, and when I do it's maybe 5 hours a night with me waking up every 45 minutes in that time span. What should I do to get some sleep? (link)
Are you stressed out about something? I would definitely talk to your doctor about that. I was just diagnosed with a disease so my sleep patterns are off entirely. I take melatonin which is an all natural supplement. However you should definitely make a call to your doctor. Good luck!!

You answered my question about making a job change recently. After initially accepting the offer, I recanted and turned it down. Later that day the HR Manager left me a voicemail stating management really liked me and wanted to sweeten the offer. I called this morning. Instead of making an offer, she asked me what it would take to get me to come. I gave her a number that was 6% more than what Iwas offered, but still well within the stated salary range. She later sent an email saying she gave the proposal to management and that they were going to pursue other candidates. They didn't even make a counter offer, and said they really didn't think I wanted the job. I thought it was bizarre. (link)
I'm sorry to hear that. That can be tough. I believe all things happen for a reason. I'm sure the job was great but you wanted a better salary than what they offered. I would just get up and move onto the next job. I'm working now, and I don't love my job but I do it because it pays the bills. Do what makes you happy!! Good luck!

so my really close friend was taking to my other friend and my other friend say "oh I have a lot of pimples" and my close friend said "u must have gotten them from rose" should I confront my close friend? (link)
If I was you I wouldn't consider any of these people as your friends. Kind of crappy to talk behind someone's back. If you really want to, you can confront them and ask why they would say that. I think this gives you an idea of who you can trust.

my girlfriend of 3 years is constantly looking for fights. she says she gets mad when i don't give her attention and that's why she's always wanting to fight about nothing. when we start fighting she gives me the lowest blows though. she's always reminding me that she can get any guy she wants. which i already know but i don't need to be reminded. she calls me selfish and the worst boyfriend she's ever had. she's constantly telling me that if she wanted a crappy relationship she'd have stayed with her ex. not only that but she's very controlling, anytime i go out i have to pretty much ask permission. i don't like her talking to guys but all of her friends are guys and she knows how much i hate it but does it anyway. what do i do? i've tried so many times to let her go but i can't, i really love her. i just don't know how to get her to stop without starting another fight. (link)
I know you probably don't want to hear this but she's very manipulative and controlling. Both qualities are not attractive at all. I would usually suggest sitting down with her and talking it out but it sounds like she is too selfish to consider anyone else's needs but herself. Do you see yourself with her for the rest of your life? It's your choice. From the sounds of it, it doesn't sound like you're too happy. Maybe it's time for you to move on and leave this girl and get a girl who is going to treat you well and be supportive. You don't want a girl who is going to hold you back from living life. You have to think of yourself. Why are you going to let someone treat you like that? Just think about it. Good luck!


I'm having a hard time right now. There are things that are changing in my family environment and now things are changing in my relationships.

There's this guy. We dated when I was 17 years old. We went on and off when I was 19 years old, we weren't really seeing anybody in between those times. Our on and offs were pretty much him saying that he wanted to move on, and three days later he'd come back. We were going through a rough patch of him telling me to move on and then coming back asking me to stay. We fought constantly over the past 4 years... But recently, things got better. We stopped fighting. I thought because we've been through so much we don't fight as often anymore. When we get into an argument, we apologize and we automatically know what to do and we make up within those 1-3 hours. I thought things were going well.

I saw him two days ago and he seemed fine... But after I got out of the car things changed. He avoided me, he barely spoke to me, etc. I told him instead of keeping me in the dark, what was going on, he said he didn't want to "continue this complicated relationship anymore" and that he wanted to "start moving on" again... Since he was planning on moving to Japan.

I hate it when he says that. About Japan, he told me these news sometime last year. He told me he wanted to move to Japan for a couple of years and work for a company before he goes off to medical school because after medical school, he would not get a chance to go. I was in denial.

For the past year I was trying to believe what other people told me. The people that I trust the most and has a pretty good grasp about him, believe that he won't go and that it's just a dream that he has since he has this habit of running away from his problems and trying to escape reality and if he did move, he'd only be there for a month because it's quite pricey and the work environment there is terrible. His friends told me that they don't know what he's going to do, and that maybe he's doing it now because he feels like this is the only time to do it and that he will be back for medical school. Others? They say they don't know him well enough to tell whether or not if he's going to go.

To be honest, I've been having a hard time grasping onto that idea. The more he talks about it, the more he tells people, the longer time passes, it makes it hard for me to try to believe he's not going because I don't want him to. And I feel selfish thinking and hoping he wont go.

I've been needing the reassurance that he won't go but I feel more sad when the time may come.

I fear that if he goes, what if he finds someone else? What if things do work out there and he's there for years? To even think about that, it scares me and worries me. His decision on going makes me feel like I'm not important enough for him to stay and he's leaving me behind instead.

What am i going to do? I've been trying to be the best for him because i want him to stay but it comes off as not enough. Do you really think he's not going to go at this point or is it still a dream he has to escape medical school? (link)
I have been in this situation and it's not an easy one!

I totally understand how you're hurting and you can't move on and you feel stuck. I was on and off with a guy for awhile. It would be great and then we would end up falling apart. I think one thing you need to know is that you need to think about you. You need to worry about yourself! I have always believed if you are meant to be with that person, you will be with that person. Good luck!

My boyfriend have been together for around 2 and a half years and we moved in together 8/9 months ago. Over the past few months things between us have started to go downhill pretty badly. We argue several times a week (mostly about things like house work and money) and our sex life is terrible! We treat each other horribly and don't show each other any respect.

I love our life together and when we are getting along things are great. Up until this point we were planning our long term future together but now I don't know if we have one at all. It all came to a head last night and we now haven't spoken for around 24 hours, something we have never done before even after arguing. We're at a total stalemate and I don't think either of us knows what to say anymore. Should I just give up on the relationship? (link)
You have to ask yourself is he the one?

If this relationship is worth fighting for then stick with it. If it's not then I think it's time to break up and move on. You have been together for 2 years and that's big but if you are getting into a lot of arguments and finding that living together isn't the best then I think you have your answer. My fiance and I argue but we make up in a matter of minutes. I don't like going to bed angry so if there is an issue we fix it. Good luck!

does anyone know how old alice cooper is and when his birthday is? i just found out about his music and i love him! (link)
Alice Cooper is 66 years old! He was born on February 4, 1948.

I am a 24 year old female and me and bf have been together for almost four yrs. My boyfriend doesn't kiss because I get cols sores and he's scared to get it even if I am not out breaking he won't kiss me. It's been at least. 2.5 yrs since the last time he kissed me. He said if we ever get engaged he'd kiss me because by then he'd take the risk. I also started liking someone at work and I don't know what to do? I don't want to leave my bf, I saw myself having kids and being married to him . Help? (link)
I say leave him but that's my thought because when you're with someone how can you not kiss them? I don't understand it and I'm sure you're not feeling good about it. I would have a serious talk with him and if things don't change I would move on. I know that maybe hard but when you love someone nothing should stop you.

im a 35 year old woman on trigestel pill, for the past 2 months i have not been sexually active. i hadmy periods a month after i stopped having sex but now i missed my periods 2 months after not having sex. i did a urine pregnacy test it came out negative. is it possible that i am pregnant, im still waiting for the blood tests (link)
Unfortunately I'm not a doctor. So it's hard to say whether you are or not. Although you mentioned you have not been sexually active so the chances are very slim. Sometimes periods change cycles so it could be that too. I think the best thing is to wait for the blood tests. Also try not to think about it too much. Good luck!

Want to know quiCkest way bto die martin 010172 40yrs (link)
We all have our moments in life where we feel we can't go on. Whether it be something personal, work related, or something else. These challenges thrown at us, only make us stronger. Its better to face the problem. I'm sure you have family and loved ones who care about you. Please talk to someone and you might feel better. Suicide is not the answer. Good luck!

I am 14 years old and there is this guy in my theatre class that I really like but so does my best friend. She and him are always flirting and it makes me jealous, but then I feel bad... She knows that I like him but she just forgets sometimes I think and I don't know how to fix it without ruining our friendship... What should I do? (My friend and I are female and freshman in high school and he is a male sophomore in high school) (link)
No guy should ever come between you and your friend. I would say the both of you should just move on and find other guys that you might like. I've been in this situation with a friend and it didn't really turn out well. We fought a lot. Until we realized our friendship means a lot more to us than this guy. Good luck!

he need 2 love hm as he loved me before (link)
I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about but you can't make someone feel the way they do. And why would you want to? Wouldn't you want them to be honest with you instead of pretending to be what you want them to be?

or is that too enabling or encouraging?

my 22 year old daughter is incarcerated for a year for fraud charges. I am unable to have much sympathy for her about this because she committed a crime even though I never told her it was OK to participate in illegal activities, wasted her education (which was as good as anyone could hope for( , set a bad example for her younger sister, and this is her punishment and maybe it will be a good learning experience and toughen her up.

I wonder if I should visit her. I hear it may take a month to get visits. Is visiting also something that should be encouraged or is it seen as too enabling or encouraging to the person inside. I don't want to give anyone (especially her younger sibling) the idea I support criminal activity.

is there an account that she needs money on or something? Is it for necessities or for some luxury items? If only for luxury items I am not sure if I should send anything since I don't have the desire to make the stay all cushy for her.

anything else I should tell her? Maybe she can get some job inside or something? (link)
You're her father you should visit your daughter whether or not you support her that is your children. Going to visit her in jail doesn't mean you support what she has done but its showing her that you care. I don't have children, but I know my mom would stand by me no matter what...I understand if I was arrested or what have you she wouldn't be too happy but she would have my back. That's what parents do and I think right now your daughter needs you the most.
I don't know if I would bring her anything. I would call the jail and see what they allow...maybe something from home that is comforting.

Good luck!

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker