I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.
I dig art, music and books.
I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.
I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.
"Infinity Mirror Room"
Mirrors, soft sculptures.
Castellane Gallery, New York.
Location: Sydney, Australia.
Member Since: January 11, 2007
Last Update: May 22, 2014
Colleges & Universities
I'm 17 and I get guys in their early to mid twenties hitting on me, but when I'm in school most guys just want to be my friend. I've had boyfriends but none lasted very long. There's this one guy that's been hitting on me since I was in middle school, he chased me down the street one time just to ask me how old I was and where did I live. He's friends with my brother and every time he comes to my house hes either staring at me or trying to flirt with me and I don't like him. He's 24 yrs old and he's been hitting on me since I was like 12. I was having a conversation with this one guy and he was 18 and I told him I was 17, he reacted with a holy sh*t. I don't dress slutty or wear make up and I don't understand why older guys hit on me or think that Im older than my age. So is it because I look older or because guys think I'm easy because I'm younger? (link)
I think it would be more because you look a little older than you actually are. You might have a mature personality or be quite intelligent for your age as well which can make you seem like you're older. A lot of people (male and female) mistake me for being a year or two older than I am because I seem a little more mature than most of the 19 year olds that they know.
A lot of guys like younger girls too, and I'm sure you're a really pretty girl that just happens to look a few years older than she actually is, so you attract older guys. I don't think it's because they think you're easy, though you should be careful and remind yourself that not everyone has good intentions.
You might notice a lot of guys your age date girls a year or so younger than them. I think it's just a preference thing. I know I personally like guys older than me rather than my exact age or younger. And remember guys your age aren't exactly completely mature yet and haven't got the same confidence as older guys. I think there are probably guys your age that like you but they're just too shy to tell you.
Try to consider it flattering. Obviously you're a gorgeous girl and that attracts attention from older guys. But once again, be careful with hanging around or dating older men. The guy hitting on you since you were 12 is a bit odd though, keep a distance from him. I mean it's flattering, but still weird which you seem to have already picked up on.
And don't worry about the short relationships, most girls your age don't have long term relationships. I know because it was only two years ago for me and most girls my age now still don't have long term relationships. You'll have one when you find the right guy.
Don't get upset about it, it happens to a lot of girls. It's just because you're a really pretty girl and you look a year or two older than you are.
my frinde is scared of caterpillars and i want 2 get rid of her fear once and 4 all! (link)
How about you show her they don't hurt? Like, pick one up and let it crawl over your hand. She'll probably freak out when she sees it, but just stay calm. And they're only caterpillars for a little while until they become butterflies, so maybe if you explain that she'll look at the more as butterflies that squishy crawling bugs.
I find with my fears the best way for me to overcome them is to force myself to conquer them. I had a huge fear of heights throughout high school, but at school camps I decided to do the giant swing and high ropes and now heights don't bother me. This isn't for everyone though, so don't force her to touch the caterpillar.
So, I turn 19 in December and there's a guy who's 24. I really like him and he likes me, but is that age difference too much? We are both sophomores in college (I have a late birthday for my year and he took a few years off). Any advice/opinions are appreciated! (link)
I'm guessing you're living in America, so legally there isn't a problem with the age difference. It's really up to you whether you think it's a problem or not.
A problem that may arise may be the drinking thing. I don't think you're allowed to drink yet which could be a future issue. He's legally able to drink and go to bars/clubs/pubs, and being a sophomore he'll probably want to. It it could be a problem if he wants to go out all of the time and you can't. This might not even be a problem for you two, but just throwing it out there.
Always remember that you're young and older guys can and will take advantage of your naivety. I'm not trying to sound condescending or anything like that, it's just the reality of the situation. And I know that even though I'm aware that older guys will take advantage of me, I sometimes just can't see it. I might like them a lot, and I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and it makes me forget sometimes that not everyone is a nice person.
My advice is to be careful and take things slowly. Don't rush into anything, especially sex. But if the two of you are cool with the age difference then go for it. You only live once man.
What is it|
It's spelt 'masturbating'. It's where a person stimulates their genitals by touching it, usually using their hands but also with objects like dildos and vibrators, for sexual pleasure. In other words, it's when a person touches their penis or vagina in order to feel good.
mmmkkkaayy i wrote on here like last week the love of my life moved ....cant talk to him and so on so on. well its been like 2 weeks and i still really care for him right but now that he is gone ALOT of guys been trying to talk to me no like 5 or 6 but like 10 or 11 ..... like no joke but i only think some are cute and some i would love to date but i feel guilty that my ex moved. i mean he probably doing what he does and im here not wanting to do anything bcuz of that .what should i do ... i cant call or talk to him bcuz i dont have a phone and i miss him terribly /:|
thxx :D (link)
In my opinion, it's not good to date when you're still in love with someone else. It's better to get over that person completely before deciding it's time to move on with another person.
I'm sure you're a pretty girl with a great personality, so lots of guys are talking to you. But there's this thing that happens to a girl when she suddenly becomes single again. Normally the girl is lonely and wanting a little bit of attention, so she gets super excited when a guy or several guys start noticing/talking to her. The thing is, in reality there's probably a lot of these guys you wouldn't want to be with but because it's all exciting having these guys interested in you, you can't see that normally you probably wouldn't like a lot of these guys.
Give yourself some time to heal and get over your ex before dating other guys. This could take a few months, but you need to be patient. It's better to start off on a clean slate with a new person than bring another person into your messy situation.
I'm 5'5" and 145 pounds. I want to lose 20 pounds
I know you have to exercise, eat healthy and drink water. How long does it take a person to lose 20 pounds exercising and stuff? (link)
I agree with the previous answer, but it really depends on the person as well as their diet and exercise plan. In about a year I lost just over 20 pounds because I did it really slowly. This is because I went on and off diets and exercise plans constantly, and my lifestyle changed in this period of time (I changed schools and had to walk from the train station to school every day which meant more exercise). I wasn't exactly too serious about losing weight, I just wanted to get healthier and so I was okay with losing it slowly. I also had trouble keeping my weight down and occasionally my weight would rise back up a few kilos.
I know one girl who's lost about 50 pounds in a year or so but she was a lot more determined than I was, and stuck to her diet and exercise plan. And it's not so much about how long it will take, but making yourself healthier now to benefit yourself in the long run.
I also know people who can lose weight really quickly simply because they enjoy exercise and it's something they can do really easily. But I do know that these people also gain weight back quite quickly if they go back to their normal diet and lack of exercise after they've lost weight.
It can take a little longer than you hope, but don't be disheartened. You'll get down to your ideal weight as long as you persist at exercising and watching what you eat.
i want to lose weight on my stomach really fast; just my belly. the rest of my body seem to be perfectly fine, its my belly that needs the work. I havent been going to the gym yet becuase im underage and in school i only get a double lesson in a week and thats not enough. food: i eat 4small meals a day to get a high metabolism and i eat alot of healthy fruit and vegs! any tips ? (link)
You can't target areas of your body to lose weight, but cardio activity will help you lose belly fat. This would be running, jogging, walking, dancing, and things that get the whole body moving around. There are various stomach/ab exercises you could use, and you can look them up easily on youtube or google by simply typing in "stomach exercises". I also do crunches which are similar to sit ups but far more effective and less damaging to your back and neck, once again you can search "crunches" on youtube and find videos on the correct way to do it. I find that doing crunches/ab exercises helps to tighten up the stomach, but you need to be doing some form of cardio to help as well to help the fat melt away.
Also try to eat less carbs or things that make you gassy or bloaty. These will make you feel less bloated and physically slim down your stomach slightly.
My boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years and we love it. we have had multiple fights in the past but we have never broken up. we always make up. he and i have both never cheated either. the problem is that the 'spark' went away. i don't get butterflies when i kiss him, i just know that i love him and the kissing feels good. So i've talked to him tonight and told him i don't know if i am IN love with him like i used to be. i've never been in love before so i don't know what it truly feels like. i know that this feels different though. and then he told me the same. how would we know, and how do i let him know that he is in love with me ? or at least help him realize if he is or not. thank you (link)
Love is one of those things that never seems to make sense, and when it does it's a rarity and a complete surprise.
In love, when you know something, then you absolutely know it. If you know with every part of yourself that you love someone, then you love them. And if you know with every part of yourself that you don't love someone anymore, then you don't. When you don't know something, I think it's because it's not for certain yet.
I find that the butterflies only come for me in the beginning when it's exciting, new and flirty. As the relationship progresses, it can become kind of boring because things like kisses are something you get every day. It's not special or exciting anymore. But I think there is a different kind of feeling you get when you're in love with someone. It's kind of like butterflies but different. For me, it's this happy feeling. It kind of warms up inside of me and makes me smile. It's this feeling that makes me comfortable wherever I am and relaxes me. It's kind of a feeling that makes me feel special too, like I'm important and beautiful. Its a feeling that makes me know I'm in the right place, doing the right thing; a feeling that makes me know I'm meant to be with that person. But I don't know if everyone feels that way. It can be different for every person.
I don't think butterflies happen when you're in love, I think they happen when you have a crush on someone or you're just starting to love them. They're a combination of exhilaration, anticipation and nerves. When you fall in love with someone, you lose the nerves because you're comfortable around them.
I've had this before in a relationship where I had huge feelings for the person I was in that relationship with. We were best friends and fit together like two puzzle pieces. We started losing those in love feelings and eventually broke up. We stopped talking for a long time and I felt like I was a whole different person without him, a person that wasn't me. I tried to move on and felt like I was improving. We got back in contact and became really great friends again. I just had this epiphany one day and realised that even after two years, I was still just as in love with him as i was back then and suddenly everything made sense. I couldn't feel like I was myself without him in my life, I was not at all attracted to any other guy even though I tried to pretend I was, and since we'd met seven years ago I had been in love with him. It's funny how things work out.
I guess my terrible advice is that you don't really know until you know. You could wake up tomorrow and know that you're in love with him or that you're not in love with him. You could break up and realise that you really do love him or that you just weren't meant to be together any more. If you don't know how you feel, don't give up on your relationship just yet unless you think it's a good idea.
I honestly believe that if it's meant to be, it will. Maybe you two aren't in love right now because for whatever reason right now isn't the right time to be together, but in the future you'll get back together and it'll be a lot better for the both of you.
I'm sorry this is answer doesn't help you out much, but it's impossible for anyone to know if you are in love with your boyfriend or if he is still in love with you, that's something only the two of you can figure out.
Hello. I have been having all these weird dreams about two of my co-workers and me. Let's name them jack and rose. In one of my dream jack and I are going out, but then rose comes in to the picture and jack decides to leave me for her. In my second dream, jack and rose are together. While rose takes some time of me and jack become really close. And at some point I become the other woman. The thing is, I don't see my co-workers like this. And as a matter of fact there cannot be relationships in he workplace. It's weird because I don't like jack. All my coworkers and I have an okay relationship. Were not friends, just coworkers. And I wouldn't mind these dreams, but they have been influencing how I work with them. I talk less to them, I don't hang of with them during break, etc. What can I do? What do these dreams mean? (link)
Well, dreams are all about the repressed subconscious bubbling up into our imagination. The subconscious is like this big space of confusion in our minds. Occasionally, something from the subconscious bubbles up into our consciousness, usually in dream form, where it morphs into strange and sometimes incomprehensible things.
You're not allowed relationships in the workplace, so it's kind of a taboo. Any idea of a relationship is pushed down and repressed into your mind because you're not supposed to have it. These, I'm guessing, are people you see all the time, maybe even daily. It's realistic that they would appear on your dreams because they're a common and recurring visual memory for you. Your mind combines the repressed 'taboo' like relationships in the work place with people you see from the workplace quite often and creates a love triangle.
But that's just one interpretation. Maybe you do have a thing for Jack or Rose, or maybe you've noticed something going on between the two of them? Or maybe you're just imagining having a more personal relationship with your coworkers. Not necessarily romantic relationships, but friendships.
I know it seems weird, but you just have to remind yourself that they are dreams. They're not reality, they're just figments of your imagination. Just try not to think about it too much when you see them and eventually you'll stop dreaming and forget the dreams altogether. Why not try to be friends with them instead of just coworkers? Invite them out for drinks after work or something like that. The mind is a funny thing, but don't let it get to you so much. I usually just laugh at my ridiculous dreams and continue with my day.
this guy likes me, i would say yes but he has a flaw dat i really have a prob with i dont know why it just bothers me its dat he has a big birth mark on his chin and its the red kind. i know he cant fix it but i just wanna ask him in a nice way 2 like put concealer on it or something i cant think of a nice way 2 say it tho it just sounds mean but i dont think its 2 unreasonable (link)
It doesn't sound mean, it is mean and completely unreasonable. This is something he's lived with his whole life that will never go away. His birth mark is a part of him. It's so rude to ask him to cover up a part of him that he has no control over and that he can't 'fix'. How would you feel if he told you to cover up a part of yourself? Like, to cut or dye your hair because he didn't like it, or to wear shoes all the time because he thought your feet were ugly?
If you can't accept him with the way he looks now, then don't bother. There's no nice way to ask him to cover up a part of himself that he probably already feels horribly self conscious about, and shame on you for trying to change someone to make yourself feel better.
Okay, I just got the HTC Evo, 2 weeks ago. I want to get the iPhone 4S in March of next year when I will have my Evo for about 6 and a half months, just in time for my trip across the world. It's only going to be about $100 because my contract would be up and since it would be up, I would get a discount. So, I told my mom that I would like to get the iPhone in March and she freaked out calling me spoiled, I just got a new phone, I don't need another. I am talking six months away AND I will pay for the iPhone with my own money! This is what grinds my gears, my brother smokes weed, he buys it all the time thus leading him to be broke constantly. She is okay with him using his money for illegal drugs and I can't buy myself a new phone with MY money? What is her deal? My dad agrees with her and they both said they aren't letting me get it. Why are they being so ignorant to me? I don't get it! Also, how can I talk them into letting me get the phone without them freaking out again? I love my Evo, it's a great phone, honestly. The only thing that makes me hate it is the battery, it lasts 4 hours and when I go across the world on my trip, I want to be able to take pictures and send them to the friends that I am there with and play games and find local restaurants on the internet without worrying about losing battery every time I click my phone on like I do with my Evo. Please help ): (link)
Did they buy you the HTC evo? If so, that's why they're upset. It's rude to tell them you're going to get a new phone if they've just bought you one. It's pretty much like a slap in the face to them because you sound ungrateful for the gift they've just given you. In this circumstance, I would advise an apology.
But, if you bought the phone with you're own money and now you're thinking of buying another phone, then I don't know what their problem is. They might just be being parents and trying to look out for you by helping you save money. I'm pretty independent but my mum still gets frustrated at me for buying things I don't need because she knows I could save that money and use it for something better.
If you want your parents to back off a little, I would suggest opening a savings account. These are usually cheap or free, but go to your bank and ask them about it. Bring one of your parents with you and promise to put a small amount every week or every month, whenever you can, into it. This shows them that you're independent and mature about your finances, and they'll be more trusting and understanding of future investments/purchases.
It doesn't seem fair that they're getting on your case about money and not your brothers, but it's difficult to deal with someone who buys drugs. Of course they can't stop him from buying weed and most parents don't know what to do about drug addictions so they tend to avoid it. They just care about you and want what's best for you.
Hi im 13/f. And I have a major dilemma! You see my BFF is dating my BGF, which is great I guess you could say because she had a huge crush on him and he finally decided to ask her out. Well, now the problem is all she ever talks about is him. & our other 2 bffs(were a group of 4 bffs) are really annoyed with it too. Were fine with her talking about him and everything but almost every single sentence has his name in it!! It's so annoying!! And all of us have been excluded from her and he tried to group us together totalk to each other but we couldn't do it because she would run off to him. We don't do any of the things we usually di in our usual routine. After lunch we would watch guys jump off swings & laugh but she refuses to do that now and she wants to go hang out with her bf. But at lunch she was emavaressed to look at him. She completely ditched us! And at lunch she was support to Dave me a spot but then her bf comes up and takes my spot and she knew it was for me but she gave it to him instead. & she doesn't even care. She even told me she gave it to him instead. She hardly talks to me now. & even when her bf & my BGF tries to make us talk to each other she just runs off with him. She doesn't realize that it's BFFs before bf. & he tried to tell her that too! & all of us in our group is so sick of the exclusion, & I don't wanna say brattybess but I have to, and not talking to us anymore. & we told her the realationship was gunna fall apart but she doesn't believe us. So we need your help please because were at our very edge of this and her!!!!! (my BGF & her bf has actually tried to help but she won't listen!) we really need your help please!!!!! (link)
I think you should just forget about it. She's just really excited about having a boyfriend and she isn't acting like a real friend, but these are things she needs to learn. In time when her boyfriend does break up with her or she realises how far away she's grown from her friends, she'll learn to balance both her relationships and her friends. It's hard to know how important it is to stay close to your friends when you're younger, but in a few years she'll understand.
Don't tell her they'll break up, and don't talk about her behind her back. She's happy and this is what she's chosen, so leave her to it. I would say try again to talk to her and tell her that she's upsetting you, but otherwise just let her be. Enjoy your time with your other friends and use this experience as a reminder for when you're in a relationship to not avoid your friends the way she has.
I hope she realises she's slowly losing some great friends, but until then focus on yourself, your school work, your family and your other friends. She's not worth the exhaustion.
Someone in another country is harassing me and calling me names.|
I've blocked him on everything possible but he is still finding ways to contact me. Is there any legal actions I can take if he doesn't live in America?
Help please. (link)
I'm guessing it's online? Remake accounts for anything and do not give out any of your details. If you've given him your number, get a new number. Also make new email accounts and use those for websites as he may be using your current emails to find you.
want to lose 20 pounds but every time I try I cheat on my diet. This summer I kept cheating and telling myself that Id just start my diet over the next day, but when the next day came I always ruined my diet. People around me are always eating junk and when I see it I have to have it and I over eat. How can I stop craving junk food?
If eat a small portion of something I crave then I will want (link)
There isn't some trick, it's will power, and if you can do it at least once you're helping yourself out a lot.
One way I overcome junk food or bad food is to really force myself not to have it. I stopped and thought about what I was going to eat. I said to myself, "do I really need this? I could eat a salad and ham sandwich instead and be just as satisfied but be digesting less calories." You need to tell yourself that you do not need junk food or bad food, because you don't. You want it and you're giving in too easily for it. You don't HAVE to have it, you WANT to have it, so you convince yourself that you need to eat it and give in.
Just go a day without eating bad food. Once you've managed to go through a day with your will power, you can do it any day.
"Diet" is a bad word because you shouldn't be limiting your food for a short amount of time until you lose weight, you should be eating healthier food and only eating junk food about once a month as a special occasion. This is the way eating should always be. Junk food is a special occasion and should only be treated as such.
You stop craving junk food by using your will power to stop eating it. Of course you're craving it, you've fallen into the habit of eating it all the time and your body is used to it. It's also used to the additives and preservatives that make your body addicted and reliant on bad food.
Always bring your food to work/school and make sure it's healthy. Don't bring money if you're just going to spend it on bad food. Take all the junk food out of your house and have only healthy food. During lunch, walk away from people that eat bad food, even just leaving the room, because being around junk food is only going to tempt you.
The best thing that's helped me with better eating is just thinking about what I'm eating. I used to eat so mindlessly and without thinking about the consequences, but now I stop and think about what I want to eat for lunch or dinner and how much of what food I should have. Sometimes I still get tempted by junk food, but I stop and think it's better to buy something healthier and make myself do that, even if I really want a burger instead. Remember that you can still enjoy yourself and eat junk food, but in moderation.
Im going to explain my history with acne. It began when I was 10 or 11 and all the way up to 15 it was pretty bad. It wasnt the kind that was clustered and left craters, but they were scattered across my face. I got pregnant at 15, and for the first half of my pregnancy my face became worse, then BAM it cleared up. Maybe only having 1 or 2 pimples at a time. It has remained that way since.
The past few months, Ive been starting to get my acne back, and my face has been really oily. I have about 6 pimples right now (not THAT bad, i know). Its not as bad as it used to be but I miss my clear face :( I am a little stressed but who isnt haha. My diet, my lifestyle..etc has not changed at all. Ive been using clean and clear, the 3 piece kit, twice a day. Proactiv never worked for me.
Basically, two questions:
Why did my acne all of a sudden change to break outs and being oily?
What products should I use now that my skin has changed? For breakouts, oiliness, plus I get marks really easily.
I would guess hormonal changes. When you were pregnant your body went through a huge burst of hormonal changes and has taken some time to recuperate. Go to your doctor and talk to them about it, they'll have more information on how it's happening and how to help your acne. They may prescribe you medication and creams for it. You can also drop by your pharmacy and ask them what you can do if you don't want to go to the doctor just yet.
Hi I'm Haley I'm 13.Well yesterday my 15 yearold brother's friend came over and my brother wasn't home.Since I knew him we were just chillin in my room and talking and stuff.Then we didn't have anything to talk about and he asked if I wanted to makeout I said yes and we started kissing on my bed and my dad justs comes in my room after like 5 mins.He was pretty mad at me and today after he picked me up from school he told me I'm grounded.Why is my dad so upset with me?! Any advice is welcome (link)
Because you're his 13 year old daughter and you're making out with a guy, who also happens to be older than you which doesn't help. He's being a dad and getting upset that you're growing up.
Ok i know giving blowjobs and every other type of sexual acts are bad but what about masterbation? You cant get an STD from it unless you touch someone else's private then yours right? Is it the only safe way to be satisfied and if so PLEASE add a link to your answer to websites that give techniques and stuff like that|
Thank you to everyone who answers in advance.
oh and im 13/female :) (link)
STD means sexually transmitted diseases. You have to be having sex or doing sexual activity with another person in order for the disease to 'transmit' to you. So yes, masturbating is completely safe.
It's not so much technique for a girl, you just got to figure out what you like. There's a little spot I guess you could call it just inside the flaps of your vagina near the top. It'll feel like a little mound or bump. THis is the clitoris. This is incredibly sensitive and for a lot of women will cause stimulation and eventually an orgasm.
Here is an image showing you where to find it:
If you're still having trouble, just search "clitoris" and there will be photos and images of women's genitalia.
There's also a thing called a 'G' spot inside your vaginal hole. There are two holes in your vaginal area. One is your urinary hole that you urinate from, the other is a bigger hole that's for sexual penetration and what babies come out of. It's pretty easy to find because it's a lot bigger than the urine hole. Slide your hand down your vagina and move with the curve of it until you find a hole or opening. It'll be small and a little bit tender and sore if you've never touched it or had sex before. The thing is to do it slowly and if it starts getting sore then stop. Lotion or some kind of lubricant would be useful and will make it feel better. Naturally the vagina produces a liquid that acts as self lubrication but sometimes it can still be a little too dry. The G spot is located inside the vaginal walls (so, inside the vaginal hole). It's about 1-2 inches in I would say and is on the ceiling of the vaginal wall. It feels kind of coarse and bumpy. The vagina is really sensitive, and even if you can't find your G spot it can feel nice to touch yourself in or around your genitals.
Just touch yourself and see where it feels good. Use some lotion if you have to as it may be too dry. Be gentle at first.
If you're interested in your body, look at yourself with a mirror. If you don't have a mirror you can sit down in front of, just grab a hand held one and have a look at your vagina. There's nothing wrong with checking yourself out and seeing what it all looks like.
My boyfriend and I just broke up and I have never felt this horrible..|
I cant get over it. Theres times when I think im fine but it always goes back to wondering if hes thinking of me and wondering if he will ever come back.
Our relationship hasnt been good for a while and so I ended it. But now im regretting everything, I know he wont accept me back and honestly I dont think that I'd be okay if I had to chase him. It was a weird break up because we talked on the phone for like 2 hours and we ended with saying we'd prob get back in a year or 2 and that we love each other. But now that ive had time to think about it...Im doubting we will get back if its been that long. I cant stand the thought of him getting with other girls but this is probably going to happen :/ I feel pathetic and horrible and I really dont know what I should do to get over this. I love him so much but it just wasnt working out :[ (link)
What you feel is expected. Most of the time when anyone breaks up with someone they feel massive regret after wards and feel like they would give anything just to be back with them.
This decision is really up to you and what you think would be best for you, but I'll try and give you some advice that might make the decision a little more clear.
Sometimes two people just aren't compatible, but sometimes it's just timing and place. Sometimes two people just cannot work right now for whatever reason, and it's healthier for them to not be together.
This is my experience with incompatibility-
My previous relationship wasn't working out well, so we broke up. We had the same kind of thing you did, but we were sitting in a car talking for an hour or two and it was really sad. In a week or two we got back together because I missed him so much, and things just got worse. The problems I had with him before hadn't resolved and only became worse during the next few months. We broke up again, and still I had that regret feeling and wanted to be back with him. I think it's normal, even when you know you don't belong with someone or that it's not good to be with them, to feel utter regret when you're not with them any more and to want to be back with them. They were a part of your life, and for anyone to leave your life that you care about and have been emotionally trusting in really hurts.
You need to look back on why you two broke up and whether the better decision (which is a really hard decision to make) is to just let him go. It wasn't too good for a while, but why? Do you think this problem is going to continue if you get back together now? Are you willing to deal with this problem again, and also the possibility of having to break up again?
It's really difficult, but you have to force yourself not to talk to him in any way for a while. When your feelings start to subside (and they WILL after time) then you can consider being friends. Remember that too, no matter who they are you will always move on from them in time. Sometimes it can take a really long time, but eventually you will get over them.
If you know he won't want to get back with you now, then you just have to deal with it. It's so hard and it hurts so much, but the first two weeks are the hardest. It's critical in this stage to try to avoid him so you don't keep hurting yourself.
I honestly believe that if it's meant to happen, it will. My current boyfriend and I had been together before about 2 years ago. It didn't work out because of the timing and place. We were still in high school, he moved far away and we weren't dealing well with long distance, and we both weren't ready for a long term relationship. We started talking again a year later and became really great friends like we were for several years after we first met. After about a year, we finally told each other that we'd never gotten over one another and felt even stronger about each other than the first time we were together.
In this time I had another boyfriend, he'd had another girlfriend, and I think if we had stayed together it probably would have ruined the relationship forever. Sometimes things turn out a certain way in life so that they can work out better for you in the future. Sometimes a little heartache now will lead you to a better relationship or a more compatible boyfriend later in life. And breakups and things that hurt us make us mature us and make us better people.
Maybe it won't work out again with my boyfriend and I, but I think I'm okay with that. Because I believe that things happen for a reason and even though things hurt sometimes, they hurt so that we can have wonderful things later on.
I'm sorry this is a bit all over the place lol. I just want you to know that what you're feeling is normal and that it can work out in all different ways. You could get back together, you could never get back together, you could meet someone else you love a lot more, there's all different possibilities. It's up to what you think is best for NOW, right here and right now. Anythings possible in the future, but you need to make sure that you're happy and healthy in your current time and place.
And I know you want to know how to get over him, but I know how easy it is to get back with someone. And even though you say he won't get back with you, I think there's always a good possibility you two might. To help yourself get through it, you just have to be strong willed and avoid him for a while. Preoccupy yourself with homework, study or work and surround yourself with loving friends. Remember that it's good to cry, but after a little while you need to pick yourself back on and get back to being a happy person.
I have a really close friend who I've known for two years. Shes like a sister to me. I'm involved in a lot of the same activities as her, and we have a ton in common. Shes adorable, one of the funniest people I know, and just generally seems to be happily enjoying life.|
About a year ago, she started cutting herself. I didn't know about it till she started cutting her legs. I confronted her about it one night and she broke down and told me. She thinks the world is so horrible and corrupt and that life has no meaning, and that shes an awful, disgusting person who would be better off dead.
Her cuts are riduculously bad. She doesn't just cut her wrists. She has huge cuts on her legs (giant scabs)and long cuts around her thighs. She also carved die into her thigh. She has 25 or so cuts on her stomach. Her wrists are cut to the point where they're starting to look like big scabs. She has big scabs on her hands from cutting pieces of skin off. She has huge slits on both of her shoulders too. She uses this gigantic butcher knife.
Her parents found out, along with her band instructor and pretty much everyone shes friends with. Her parents haven't done a thing about it all except sit there and cry about it. Shes starting to talk to me about suicide. I've been trying to convince her to not do it, but I don't think I'm gettting anywhere.
She needs some sort of other help, and fast. I don't wanna see this beautiful, talented girl who I love more than my own siblings end it.
What do I do? (link)
I completely agree with the previous answer. Your friend is at a point where she is resorting to horrendous extents of self-mutilation and considering suicide, and at this point she needs to see a professional that can understand what's going on and decide how she can be helped.
I'm not sure where you live, but if you don't know who to go to, you could try your doctor. Ask them if they can refer you to a psychiatrist or an agency, and also ask them what you should do to help your friend. There are also depression and mental health agencies that you should find online if you search "depression help" or something like that. I just looked up "depression help" and an Australian helpline (I'm Australian) came up on the screen. Try calling these places and asking what you can do for your friend. If all of these fail, follow the advice of the previous answer and call social services.
If she does have to go into constant care, remember to visit her regularly and talk to her. Tell her how much you care about her and how much you love her as much as you can. The fact that she tells you about things like contemplating suicide and her cuts, from my experiences with other people, means that she does want help and is trying to reach out for it as best she can. It might seem like she's not listening to you, but don't ever stop telling her what you're saying now. Her problems are psychological; it's not that she doesn't care what you say or doesn't want to listen, it's because she can't seem to see it where she is right now.
You are such an amazing friend for caring so much about this girl and doing everything you can to help her. I sincerely hope that she is able to find some professional help that will get her back to her healthy, happy self.
Edit: I also had this other idea, that you could ask her to call you every time she thinks of cutting or thinks of suicide. Still call professionals to help her out, but this could be good for rehabilitation. I know it's a lot to ask, but always be there for her in a heartbeat if she needs someone (which from what I read I think you're already doing). You're her rock, and even if she hates you for trying to help her, never let her forget that you're her support unit and will always be.
Well yesterday i was woken up to go school clothes shopping. While we were there my guardian(she is my actual grandmother) Asked if i could fit into 0's in women. I said no because my thighs are too big. She then proceeded to say "Because your fat, you need to quit gaining weight" and I left the store crying. She has been saying that since 4th grade and i'm currently going into 8th. |
Anyway. I am somewhat overweight, but not very much. I have so access stomach weight. and my thighs are somewhat fatty. I have allot of stretch marks on my thighs. But my doctor informed me it was because my skin has no elasticity in it. So its not from getting 'too fat' in that area.
I'm usually home and i'm not really aloud out of the house to go on walks or runs or anything. I don't like to be out of my room because i don't get along with my cousins that live with me or my female guardian. And my room has no space at all. I'm wondering what i can to loose weight? I can't walks to school because i live 7 and a half miles away from school. I can't play sports because no one is willing to pick me up after practice. Eating healthy is nothing i can control because i can't choose whats being bought as food in this house. Every time i ask for something they refuse to get it.
F/13/4"11/about 128 lbs (link)
The worst part of this to me is the way your grandmother treats you. My heart absolutely sank when I read those first lines.
It's not nice, and it's certainly not acceptable to ask you if you fit into a certain size and then to proceed to insult you. That to me says that she only asked so she could hurt you and bring you down, and that's just so awful.
For some reason, I've found that mothers, grandmothers, sisters and other female parental figures use insults and direct language to get an issue across to younger females. Growing up my mother and sister used to insult me constantly on my weight and tell me that I needed to exercise and eat better, but they would do nothing to help me. It's the wrong way to go about advising someone that they should lose weight, and it's only going to further damage the situation, not to mention completely destroy your self esteem.
You're at a really young age and I don't want to give you too much dieting advice because I know growing up that myself and a lot of girls around me went about dieting and exercise the wrong way. But because you don't have anyone there to help you out, I'm gonna try to do the best I can to give you some solid advice.
First of all, forget what your Grandma says. I know it really hurts, especially after such a long time of insults and put downs, but you can't let people make you feel like that. You don't think you're fat, and I think that's wonderful. It's not about being a certain size or looking a certain way, it's about being happy with how you are. If you're comfortable and happy with your body, then you don't need to change it. If you honestly are not personally happy with your body, not because of your grandma but because YOU aren't happy with it, then you should absolutely take steps to changing yourself. But regardless of how you see yourself and what size you are, you're absolutely beautiful in my opinion JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! You should tell yourself every single day that you are beautiful and deserve to be happy, and don't ever let yourself think that you aren't.
If you want to start eating healthier, here are some tips:
- Remember to eat 3 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) and normally about 2 snacks a day. Always eat breakfast because it gets your metabolism going. Your metabolism is what helps you break down food and fat. Some people are born with faster metabolisms than other people (people with fast metabolisms are those people that can eat whatever they want and don't seem to gain any weight!)
- Think about the size of your meals when you're going to eat. Put your hands into fists and put them together. That's how big each of your meals should be. To help you eat smaller meals, use a smaller plate instead of a bigger one for dinner. Avoid adding too much salt, sauces and dressings as they have a lot of calories in them.
- I usually make snacks about the size of one fist. Snacks should be things like fruit, nuts, yoghurt and things like that. If your family won't provide these things for you or healthier snack alternatives, just remember the one fist rule. Some great snacks for school would be apples, fruit and nut bars (the kellogs crunchy bars are delicious), mini fruit salads, sultanas, salads or your favourite cut up vegetables, dried fruits, low-fat cheese and crackers, rice cakes with your choice of topping (like vegetables, spreads, cheese), mini tubs of low-fat yoghurt, nuts and trail mix, and there might be some other things your family can think of. I know they won't listen to what you ask to buy, but ask them nicely what they think about this and if they have any tips on healthier foods. A good recess snack would be an apple and a yoghurt tub, or some cheese and crackers and some carrot sticks.
- For lunch, stick to healthy foods like sandwiches, salads and fruit. Sandwiches can seem pretty boring if you have them too often, but try to change it up every day with a different sandwich. Maybe one day a ham sandwich, another day a turkey sandwich, another day a lettuce tomato and cheese sandwich, and so on. It might even help if you offer to make them at night or in the morning before school if your grandma buys the meats and vegetables for you. A nice piece of fruit or some nuts would be a good addition to your lunch.
- Your schedule should be
Mid-morning snack (recess)
After school snack
Possibly after-dinner snack.
And remember that even if you decide to eat an after dinner snack you should be eating a healthy snack (so, maybe some milk and a low-fat biscuit or a tea if you like it). Remember you're 13 and some of your fat can be baby fat which will go away in time. Just keep eating healthy food and thinking positive thoughts!
- Also, avoid fast food, fatty food, fried food and only drink water. Bring a big bottle of water to school every day and don't drink soda's or juices because they're high in sugar. A glass of juice a day is okay to have, but stick to water mostly.
If no one will buy you these foods, still remember the food size and to drink lots of water.
These are some exercises I used to do in my bedroom when I was younger. If you don't know what some of these are, just youtube them or look at google images and it will explain the proper way to do them.
- Jogging on the spot.
- Dancing to music.
- Push ups (for really small spaces, you could do push ups against your wall).
- Sit ups.
I know that no one will really let you go anywhere, but if you have a backyard, front yard, courtyard or a nearby park you could try:
- Running on the sport or in short circuits.
- Bike Riding.
Also, go onto youtube or google things like "exercises for small spaces" or "quick exercises" and there will be hundreds of videos and websites with people who will go through it in detail. I think a great exercise is dancing, and you can look up dance exercise, leaning hip hop, learning belly dancing or just turn on some music and do your own thing for half an hour. You can also look up yoga and aerobic or exercise videos, and they'll go through step by step different exercises you can do. Try to do about half an hour of exercises a day where you're sweating constantly and your heart is always beating really fast.
Why don't you also try talking to your friends at school and seeing what sports they do or if they'd be interested in joining something with you? They might be able to get their parents to take you home in the afternoons so your guardian doesn't have to worry about it.
There's something I would like you to do, and if it doesn't work out I'm sorry. I'd like you to speak to your guardian and have a polite, long talk with her. Tell her that you want to lose weight but you need her help in choosing the right food. Just be really nice and friendly, and ask her if she could please help you pick foods that would help you lose weight. You could also ask if she can think of any ways you could do some regular exercise. If she's mean or rude, or it just doesn't work out, then you hold your gorgeous head up high and do the best you can on your own.
Sometimes life can be really hard and it can be so difficult to try and stay positive when you feel like you've got no one around to help you out or make you feel special, but I promise that it'll change in time. Just remember that you ARE beautiful exactly how you are, and I swear one day things will look a whole lot brighter. Just give it some time. Even if the whole world is against you, you can always come out of it. You just have to keep reminding yourself that you're an incredible girl and that you deserve to be successful and happy, and never let yourself forget that.