Carolena's advice column

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Q: Everything I have ever learned in life as I was growing up I threw out the window the moment I moved out. This included going out, drinking, and having sex. I had promised myself to keep my virginity until I was married but I couldn't accomplish that, I ended up losing my virginity to a guy who is in a committed relationship with another girl... and I can't (don't want to) stay away from him. You can tell me what I'm doing is wrong, and karma is going to bite me I KNOW THIS. but there is something else about him that keeps pulling me back for more. My question is how reliable are condoms really? and which birth control method do you use/recommend?

thank you..

If you continue to have sex the best method of birth control is the oral contraceptive (pills) AND a condom.

Let me explain. No method of protection is 100% effective when you are sexual active. Using both methods helps not only protect against pregnancy but also some STDs.

You already know that he is having sex with at least one other woman. You have no idea if he is having sex with more than one other. She may be having sex with someone else too. It is very important to protect yourself from STDs as well as pregnancies.

If you are going to continue to have sex with him, then it is best if you separate what your family believes from what you believe. Guilt is not helping you here. Neither is feeling bad about your choices.

There is a good possibility of you getting emotional hurt in this situation. So while you may make the choice to continue to see him examine why. See what you are getting out of it emotionally, intellectually and sexually. Learn from this so when/if this relationship ends you can walk away with more than just regret and pain.

"him that keeps pulling me back for more"

You keep going back for more. It is your choice also.

Good luck and I hope you get what you need.

Q: 20female.

I've always wanted to have sex in the shower ..but isn't it kind of unsafe? I've been on the pill for 3 years now I take it on time every single night ..and usually we wear a condom every time but I don't think it's possible to wear a condom in the shower because it will just come off? What would be the chances of me getting pregnant if we tried it in the shower ..at least just once so I can fulfill this desire :)

Good news - you can most certainly use a condom in the shower. The condom won't come off if it is properly put on. Water does cause condoms to lose its elasticity making it more likely to break. To prevent this buy a good lubricant and use it.

Don't use the withdrawal method. It's not effective for protection from either pregnancy or stds.

Q: My chem professor wants us to find a scene from a movie, tv show, novel, etc. that could be used to teach chemistry. He says it cannot be published or presented and must be unknown to him. Is there any abstract references anyone can think of that he might not have heard of? If not just give me any references, he says that if he's heard of it he'll just give us an extension.

There is a book called "Reaction! Chemistry in the Movies" that may help you. It talks about the movie and the Chemical theme.

Here is an article written on it.
http://www.scriptphd.com/?p=1395

Q: Okay well my Mom has caught me eating those powders you put into your drink. I know it's gross but to me it's sooo delicious! But Im not sure it's to healthy. I used to have the lemonade stuff but the nestea stuff that comes in the bucket thingy is way better. Do i have a problem? Should I be concerned about this? How will eating the powders affect my health?

Well as you can guess it's not too healthy. Powder drinks have tons of chemicals and sugar. That said if you do it in moderation (and brush your teeth to avoid cavities) It's not less healthy than eating tons of candy.

Ease up and leave it as a treat.

Q: can i get pregnant if i had sex on 3, 4 sept and my periods are due on 11th sept.

During ovulation times you have the highest chance of conceiving but you can get pregnant at any time during your cycle even during your period. To avoid unwanted pregnancy always use protection. Condoms are important to protect yourself from most STDs.

Ovulation calculator -
http://www.babycenter.com/ovulation-calculator

Q: I been drinking a lot the past few days because my boyfriend broke up with me and I'm heartbroken because I loved him and tried to make things work and I didn't make him happy and he dumped me a few days ago for another girl. My mom is on this trip thing with her work and so I just got my friend to buy me some vodka and stuff and been drinking a lot to get rid of the pain. I haven't really had food for awhile now but then I went outside and just randomly threw up and it was bloody. is this dangerous? what does it mean when you throw up blood after drinking alcohol like vodka?

First stop drinking. Second go see a doctor and tell him/her what happened.

Throwing up blood after drinking is from gastrointestinal bleeding. Meaning one of your organs - mouth, the pharynx, the esophagus, the small intestine or the stomach has some damage. It could be minor or serious the only way of knowing is going to a doctor. Even if the bleeding stops the damage to your organs may need to be treated.

Don't be afraid just stop drinking and see a doctor.

Alcohol may mask emotional pain short term but when you sober up you still have the same issues. Sometimes more issues. While it feel like crap when someone breaks up with you let yourself feel it. Curl up, punch things, exercise, go out, sleep but let yourself feel and get through it. Mostly take care of yourself. If someone hurts you it makes no sense to hurt yourself also. This will pass, and you will be stronger and healthier when it does but only if you don't hide from your feelings.

I hope the doctor gives you good news and that the pain passes quickly and easily from your heart break.

Q: If a fraternal twin boy and a fraternal twin girl meet somewhere, fall in love, get married, and have kids would they have a chance of having twins, triplets, or quads etc easy five points

If you are a fraternal twin, you have a 1 in 17 chance of having twins. The rates go up with the maternal line has a history of fraternal twins. If fertility drugs are used the rates go up.

Q: My sister went to the doctor and they are removing her Gall Bladder today because it isn't doing what it's suppose to do or something. I am just wondering what the gall blader does then. I haven't really heard a lot about gallbladder so I guess you don't need it or something since they can remove it and not have to get like a donor organ. What does the gallbladder purpose then? if we don't need it there then why do we have it anyways? I am confused

Well fat can not be dissolved by water. The liver produces Bile to break down fat. Bile is secreted by the liver and stored in the gallbladder until it needed. When fat is introduced into the digestive tract the gall bladder contracts and the bile flows into the intestines.

The gallbladder is a storage room letting the bile concentrate and a delivery system to release it. So digestion of fats is more effective. When the gallbladder is removed the liver still produces bile and it goes directly to the intestines. It's less efficient because the bile is not concentrated.

Q: I was going to apply to this one job opening but the thing is that the employees are picketing the place right now and are on strike. I heard that if you go over the picket line, especially if you're applying for a position there for a job, that they will throw eggs at you. My boyfriend was joking but said, "Well, eggs are really good for your hair!" and my mom said something about them making your hair shiny and grow better. I am just wondering if the egg thing is really true? Because if it is then I can do that right at home and get really pretty hair real cheap. Anybody know if eggs are good for your hair?

Yes eggs are used on hair. The results vary from person to person. They are like conditioner. Using a scramble egg mixture can increase volume, shine and texture. Some find it makes their hair grow in stronger or thicker.

Important: rinse out with cold water. If the water is too warm or hot then the eggs will cook IN your hair and it makes it a pain to get out.

add Honey for moisture.

Q: My mom just had a baby and they gave her a c-section to get my brother out. I don't really know a lot about pregnancy or delivery or birth so I don't really know EXACTLY what a c-section is. Anyways, my mom said she was hoping to never have to have a c-section and then she had to this time. Why does a person need to have a c-section when they're having a baby?

A C-section is a surgical delivery. The baby (or babies) is delivered through an incision in the abdominal. The basic reason for this is it was decided by the medical staff that it was safer for the mother or baby or both.

One or a few of these may be the reason -
the labor isn't progressing

The baby's head is too big for the birth canal. Or it is a very large baby

The baby is in a abnormal position and the dr can't move it (feet first)

the baby's heart beat is irregular

If there is more than one baby the dr will do it for safety reasons. Mult birth can get complicated.

Problem with umbilical cord - it is wrapped around the baby or tangled

The mother has health issues such as heart condition, diabetes, etc which makes a long hard labor dangerous.

If the mother had a previous C-section a second one might be done.

These days many moms elect to have them to avoid a regular delivery and to know the exact date of the birth before hand.

They are common but can be painful.

For the first two weeks moms that have had a c-section are advised not to lift anything heavier than the baby. They should also use extra pillows, drink plenty of fluids, take what ever medication the dr gave them and call if there is an infection.

Congrats on the baby brother!

If you would like to know your mom's personal story ask her. I'm sure she will tell you.

Q: How can you find out how tall you are? I'm 14 and I'm a girl and I'm white or caucasian or whatever. Everybody says I'm really short and I hate it because I'm only like 5'2" but I keep saying I'm only 14, right? and I got time to grow I think. Anyways, how tall is the average 14 year old girl then? && if I'm not that tall should I see a doctor?

How healthy your growth is depends a lot on your growth through the years. Doctors keep a grow chart to keep a record of progress.

According to average growth patterns for 14 yr old females you are right smack in the middle of average. Humans come in all different heights. So average in a 14 year old female ranges from 4ft8 to 5ft5in. Yes you still have plenty of time to grow. In females, height slows down at 17 but the body continues to grow and change until 21. So you have at least 3 years to grow taller possibly more.

If you are concerned speak to your family doctor.

Q: Ok well i had sex like monday and saturday and i wuz wondering if i wuz pregnant. My nipples and around my nipples are darker than they normally are and they have occasional hurting flashes. like it hurts for 3 seconds then doesnt hurt anymore. I wuz wonderingif it wuz normal for the boobs to switch color? Also if i could very well be pregnant.

Darker Areolas and soreness are one of the first signs of pregnancy in some women. The bumps on the areolas may also be higher.

That said stress and a regular cycle together sometimes mimics the signs of pregnancy.

Is it normal? yes. Are you pregnant? the only sure way of knowing is to take a test.

Q: I recently found out a friend I have has genital warts. I have tried to look up information on it but the internet has so muc info that I cant find the answer I am looking for. All I want to know is how contagious is it? Like can you only get it if you have sex or can you get it from just touching? I am in NO way sexually active with this guy. I'm worried cuz I hug him a lot. Like what if he touched his dick and doesnt wash his hands then touches my hand or skin. I really dont want to get it so I'm just curious if its possible to get it from him even if I dont do anything sexual with him.

You friend, who is not your sexual partner, shouldn't pose a danger of spreading the std to you. You do not need to have sex with him to get genital warts BUT there does need to be some skin to skin contact where the break out happens. In other words no touching his infected area (shouldn't be an issue)

Genital warts are one sign of some types of HPV. They are spread through skin to skin contact meaning condoms do not always prevent the spread of it because a condom does not always cover the infected area.

Millions are infected by HPV and it is the most common sexually transmitted disease. The group covers 100 different types of viruses.

You may consider HPV vaccine for future protection with sexual partners. Ask your doctor more about HPV prevention and the vaccine.

Q: 18/f

me & my boyfriend of 5 months had an argument a few days ago. it's our second since we have been together. i had been getting quite moody with him recently for no reason, so i brought it up. i said i wondered if it would be best if we ended our relationship because it wasnt fair on him. he begged me to stay with him. i said i would think on it and decide the next day. the day later he said he now thought that we should break up.

at first i thought he was testing me, because i had said it to him. but he went all the way and we broke up. i asked why and he said because he didnt want me to have doubts about our relationship. i explained i didnt have doubts about the way i felt, and that i loved him etc.

any way i asked to meet up, he agreed, and said he wont tell anyone about the break up until we have met up. but he said he doubts anything will change his mind. we spoke for hours, and i was really honest about everything and he said the only thing stopping us getting back together is he doesnt want to get more hurt if i decide in 2 months time to doubt the relationship again, i asked him to give it a try and if he had faith in me he would.

we left on a good-ish note. it got late, so we went home seperately. he said he is going to come and speak to me later in the week if i want. i agreed, but said it was pointless if it wasnt going to change anything. he still said he didnt think anything would change, but a lot of things i said make sense and he said "i could wake up tomorrow and feel differently about it all"

the next day, i log onto facebook and he is listed as single. it seems like hes already made up his mind?!?! i sent him a message saying i dont know if i want to wait until late this week for a decision, because i feel like i'm still going to get hurt from it, am i going to? and he said i told you i just dont know

sorry this is so long, but what can i do now?? i do really love him

After 5 months and only two arguments you were ready to break up with him but changed your mind. Yes he is going to wonder about going out with you, especially if you have been moody

Men want the woman they love and care about to be happy with them. You haven't been. No one wants to be dumped. You were ready to dump him. Men and women want to feel it's safe to disagree and have their own opinion. The fact that the "almost" dumping came after an argument makes things worse.

So now he's gun shy. ok. Wait. The truth is that love hurts. It takes brave people to love. He waited for your response, give him the same respect. Let him know that you care for him, love him, have the intention of working it out and will give him X amount of time to decide. In the mean time avoid facebook. It will only drive you crazy. Do things that make you happy. Happy is attractive.

On a side note Give some thought to why you have been moody. If there is something that needs to change in your life this extra alone time may be the perfect time to handle that.

Q: 16/f

im a little on teh heavy side, about size 10
well i love the style that girls style that looks boyish but still girly. i dont want to look tomboy, but i want to look nice.
i love buttondown shirts and converse adn aviators, but i still ahve a girly side. my family doesnt have a ton of money so i would like a cheap look please, but fashionable.

links are appreciated. thanks so much.

The best advise is pay attention to your body shape not your body size. A size 10 is in every store so you have plenty of choices.

Think thrift shop and vintage for high quality fashions for little $$$$. Great vintage fashions are couture quality but without the prices.

Try it on, Try it on, Try it on. Ok so you say you are a size 10 but the item you love is a size 12 or even *gasp* 14. Try it on. Really sizes vary by manufacturer and where they were made. Try on smaller sizes too. Don't get stuck in a "I'm a size 10" mentality

A great way to get the tomboy look is a men's shirt with a belt or a feminine tank underneath.

To not look like a boy don't go too big, let the lines of the clothes follow or form your shape.

While I don't have any specific stores to offer (almost all stores have a tomboy style)

Big Girl in a Skinny World writes great review on items for all sizes.

http://www.marieclaire.com/fashion/trends/articles/plus-size-fashion-ideas

Q: Years ago I was acused of something somebody eles did I spent jail time and prison time for this I even have proof of what. Had realy happend to clear me of this but its a little complicated you see I had this court apointed lawer who realy did nothing for me when I was in jail all she wanted was to end the case she told me I had no chance in hell on wining the case that the DA already had his decision .I had proof that I was innocent but nobody listend to me nobody wanted to see what I had as evidence .so now my whole life is ruined all becase I was scared into taking a plea bargin big mistake and now nobody will listen to me either they see a felony on my record and won't even give me the time or day I can't get a decent job but fliping burgers .I don't want this but what can I do sit around and face the music .people used to tell me so are you rehabilitated but I never did anything wrong .so how would you feel if you placed in jail and prison for something you didn't do tookin away from the people you loved and have 2 years to wonder why you are locked up I. Think I have no where to turn nobody will listen to understand what iv gon through and still go through everyday I'm labeld and can't go forward with my life I'm not sure what advice I need I just need understanding

It's horrible that you where falsely accused. Did you know that 95% of people in jail are there because of plea bargains?

Did you know that you may be able to get your criminal record expunged or cleared? The method and rules vary from state to state. So check your local laws.

Basically if you are NOT a repeat offender(seems you are not), your crime did not carry a life sentence (It doesn't look that way) and it is not a sexual crime you may be able to show that the crime was a one off thing and have it cleared.

Juvenile records are the easiest to clear.

Check with Legal aid, in your state.

Q: I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.

I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?

Sorry if this is too long!

It's one thing for him to have a secret group page on facebook. After all BF's don't have to share every aspect of their lives. It's quite another for him to be sharing private information about your relationship to a group of people without you knowing or consenting. By private information I assume you mean something more intimate than what you ate together.

The issue here is that he shared it. Lied about it and tried to hide it. At any point he could of deleted the group instead of making it private.

Physical evidence is only important for a third party verdict. You already know what you saw. What else do you need? He knows what he did, he can deny it but it doesn't change the facts.

Be straight forward. "Look I saw the group. I don't like you sharing private information about our relationship. Please take it down" If he denies it or refuses to take it down you have a decision to make. Can you enjoy this relationship knowing that anything you may do or say is being shared for the entertainment of others? Knowing that his relationship with the people on facebook takes priority to you and your comfort?

If he is that disrespectful it's time to cut your losses. Find someone who keeps your private life private and knows how to be upfront when they mess up.

Q: Alright well i just lost my virginity today, and i wuz wondering if a condom could be too big for a guys dick. Because my boyfriend put on an extra ribbed trojan condom and it wuz big. wuz it supposed to be? also, it kinda slipped off after a half hour, and we DIDNT put it back on and use it. Do yu think i am pregnant? My boyfriend told me he didnt feel a rip or tear. It wuz tighter on the top of the dick, not as much on the bottom. It wuz our first time having sex also. I made sure he wuz careful also. Do you think i am preggo? cuz if so, ima crap myself. I wont know what to do. i cant drivee. help mee....

The condom needs to be snug around the shaft of the penis. The tips should have extra room it is the reservoir for the sperm. If the condom is pulled down too far and there is no reservoir the condom may break.

Slipping could be a number of different things -

If there is too much lubricant.

If he had cum and continued to remain in you for quite a long time the sperm can act as lubricant.

If the condom is not snug on the shaft if could slip off. (different brands and types will fit differently)

It could also be the sexual position.

Yes there is a possibility you could be pregnant. Take a test just to be sure.

Here is instructions on the proper way to put on a condom

http://sexuality.about.com/od/contraception/ht/putoncondom.htm

Here is interactive demo with drawings

http://www.sexualityandu.ca/multimedia/demos/condomapplication/index_e.aspx

Condoms are only 98% effective if everything is perfect. Consider adding another form of birth control also.

Q: My boyfriend is 23 and in college. He lives on his own, rents two apartments, one in the city (kind of in the hood) and the other at college. He's not rich or anything, but he has enough money to get by on his own with no help from anyone. He used to be a drug dealer, but he's not anymore he tells me, and I believe him. The thing is, when I ask him what he does for a living, he says he's just a college student. I've asked him numerous times if he does something illegal, and he says no.

There's a few suspicious things about him, like he has to go to the city every weekend (although he did invite me to come along once). He is constantly selling his car and buying a new one, and always tints the windows. He has two separate phone numbers, one for "business" as he calls it, and one for friends. He was adamant about not filling out the US Census. He's very private and doesn't like sharing details of his life (although we have a lot of very intimate talks, that's just when it comes to other people).

I know he's a good guy (he goes to class, he's come to my rescue every time I've needed him, he takes care of his mom, etc) and it breaks my heart that he could be doing something that's immoral to get money (oh and I forgot to mention, he takes out loans for school, and he's on food stamps, maybe that enough money for him to get by on?). Right now, its a touchy subject with him, and I make sure I am never dependent on him, especially financially. I also avoid going to the city with him because I know that if he does something that's illegal, he does it in the city, and I don't want to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I've known him for nine months now. I love him, and because there's no proof that he's doing something illegal, that's why I'm still with him. This is the only weird thing about him, in regards to everything else, he's just like any other regular guy.

Any tips or advice?

When trying to figure out if a person is being truthful, look at their actions don't listen to their words.

If seems you already know what you boyfriend is doing but you love him and seem willing to look the other way.

Here is what you need to know. Morality aside - Drug dealing is illegal. That equals dangerous. He is not only in danger of going to jail, so are you. If he is transporting drugs or weapons in his car while you are in it you can be charged, depending on the amount it could be a felony.

Since it is illegal he is not protected by the cops, which means that he needs to protect his merchandise himself. That can mean guns + violence. You have no idea how far someone is willing to follow him to hurt him, get revenge or steal from him. Staying out of the city limits may not keep you safe. If you are around him at the time you can get hurt. If he hurts someone or kills someone and the weapon used is found in the car while you are there you can be charged.

Someone could try to hurt you to hurt him. So even when you are not with him you can be a target.

Dealers are quite often users. That can lead to a whole range of problems.

It is time to tell him what you see. Ask him if he is not a dealer where is the money coming from. He might have money saved from his drug dealing days. Or he is working another illegal venture.

If he is dealing drugs it is unloving and disrespectful for him to put you in danger.You should know all the consequences of dating him and have the freedom to decide what you want to do.

Q: I had unprotected sex and was scared about pregnancy since my period was 1 day late. My period finally came 2 days ago and was REALLY light and ended just today. Usually I have a heavy period and go for about 6 days. I was telling my mom about my weird period and she jokingly asked if I was pregnant (she doesn't know I had sex). I'm confused now because I thought if you get pregnant you don't have your period at all? Is this a sign of pregnancy? Should I do something like take a pregnancy test anyway? Please help!

No. You can't have your menstrual period while you're pregnant. Menstrual period is the shedding of the blood and tissue that lines the uterus.

BUT that is not the only type of bleeding you can have. women do have vaginal bleeding during pregnancy. Some women even have intermittent bleeding that seems like a regular period to them.

Light bleeding or spotting early in the pregnancy around the time their period is due is called "implantation bleeding" because the fertilized egg is making a place in the uterus which is rich with blood. It's a lot lighter than a typical period and usually lasts just a day or two.(hench your mom's joke).

So you could be pregnant or the light bleeding could be a physical reaction to stress.

Take a test just to ease your mind.

Use condoms in the future to help protect you from many stds (not all) Combine that with a second birth control.