cloudy_conscience's advice column

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Q: I see my ex every day at school and i relize i still like him. I have a boyfriend and it makes me feel really bad that i still like my ex. How do i keep from thinking about him during a typical school day?

Missing an ex is a very very common thing, especially if you were together for any length of time. Once you start spending alot of time together they become intertwined in your life and separating the strands once they're gone can be tricky. First you need to figure out how you really feel about your current boyfriend, if you're just with him so you aren't alone then you should probably break up with him. You may need some time to yourself to think and figure out how you're really feeling about your ex, if you're thinking about him alot there may be a reason why. If you're just missing hi but know that things will never work then I recommend focusing on you, your wants, your goals, stay busy with friends, hobbies, sports whatever. Don't force yourself to move on before you're ready.
Hope I helped!

Q: I have been dating a guy for awhile now and we recently started having sex. Everything is great in that regard except for one issue. He likes me to go down on him every time we have sex. I don't mind it and actually enjoy it, but I think every time is a little much because in my opinion, it will get boring and repetitive. On top of that, he does not go down on me. I don't believe that to be much of a problem since I've never really been into it, but I'd feel better if he'd at least offer. How do I navigate this touchy situation in a still new relationship? 25/f

The biggest thing in a relationship is communication. Sit down with him and talk to him about it, it may be awkward at first but if you can't talk about it then you probably aren't going to last. Ask him if there is anything that he wants that you're not doing, and then let him know that you would like to try some different things, such as you receiving oral or 69. Also if you're worried about a blowjob becoming boring it probably never will, men aren't usually that hard to please when it comes to oral but there are many many things you can find on the Internet about it or buy a Cosmo magazine every month. They always have loads of tips about spicing up your sex life and ways to communicate with your lover.
Hope I helped :)

Q: my bf put his penis in me when we were fooling around. it felt real good and so i wasn't thinking to tell him not to do it. he didn't cum inside me but my period is late. i took a pregnancy test and it says +. i got scared and my friend bought 2 more tests and they both say positive too. do you think they're right? this was only the 2nd time he put it in me (the first time was only the head) and both times he didn't cum in me. how can you get pregnant like that? i havent told him yet because hes gonna freak out. im 13 1/2 and hes just 13 in this passed august.

Yes, you are most likely pregnant. The likelihood that 3 tests were false positives is next to nothing. The next step is telling your parents, then you can decide, with them, what to do next.
You can get pregnant from precum, which is uncontrollable for the guy, sometimes they don't even feel it come out. Any time a penis goes in a vagina you can get pregnant, whether he comes or not. If you did'nt know this, then you probably should not be having sex to begin with. It is not to be taken lightly, as you now know. You are 13 and going to be a mother, you are still a child yourself. Whatever you decide to do, you really need to realize that sex is serious and you should always use some form of protection. Good luck you have a long and turbulent journey ahead of you.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: Me = 17/m
Her = 16/f
Dating = 3 yrs

I want to tell my girlfriend the truth about me cheating on her recently. There was this girl I knew all through school and she texted me one day and asked if I wanted to hang out. I feel so guilty because I was attracted to the girl for a long time but never acted on it before. I did meet up with her and lied to my gf about it, telling her I was going to go down the road and look for a job. I met up with the girl and I told her upfront I had a girl already. Things still happened and I KNOW I am to blame for this because I couldn't be a man and control myself right. We didn't have full sex but it was pretty close at one point before I was like "Hey, I can't do this" and all.

How do I come clean with my girl? I don't want to just be like "Hey, I cheated on you" because I really am hoping she'd forgive me and give me another shot at this. What do I say? How do I tell her I cheated?

Honesty is the best policy, yes it will hurt her and she is probably going to be REALLY pissed, BUT its better for her to hear it from you then from someone else. She is more likely to give you another chance if you come clean then if you keep it from her and she finds out from someone else. Just sit her down and be like "Listen, I care about you alot, but I made a mistake. I met up with another girl and some things happened. I realize now it was a mistake, but I want to be honest with you and hope that you can forgive me and give me another chance. I understand if you need sometime to think, just let me know when you are ready to talk." Something along those lines, and tell her in PERSON, not through a txt or over the phone, thats just rude. Don't turn it into a screaming match either, if she yells let her, she just found out her long time bf cheated its tough. But be honest with her and hopefully things will work out for the best.
Hope I Helped. :)

Q: Well i used to be really really jealous and me and my boyfriend of four years broke up because of it, because he kept lying to not hurt me, and it bothered me when he watched porn and stuff, but later he begged me back and he said he loved me & wanted me back. So now that we were together i asked him not to look at porn and if he wanted pictures or something i would send him some and even though i'm trying to get un-jealous like before i wouldn't let him go out without me(yeah i was psycho lol) but now i let get him get away with a lot but i still have jealous thoughts every once in a while, so the day before i wanted my moms number that he had on his phone and i had just gotten a new phone so i asked him for it and he didn't want to give it to me so i got suspicions? And i was like are you doing something wrong? Later he admitted he had porn on it, and i got kinda upset in my head, and later i couldn't stop thinking about it and i was sad and basically said told him i know it's because they look better or you fantasize about other girls but i was saying it not asking it.It was really supposed to be a rhetorical question. And he said well i do fantasize about other girls cause you're the only one i've been with, ( i told him he wasn't supposed to answer and he said he didn't know) and that hurt me really bad and i was like so you'd go with another girl and do her and he said "i just want to" and i was like so you do want to, and he said yeah. Like is that normal? Should i be mad or break up with him? Like now it disgusts me cause we're not even married like i know that happens to married people that have been together for a long time, but us i'm young i have the same body as the porn stars except without the fake big boobs mine are real so i just don't know how to react or what to do. i Just hung up on him cause without saying anything cause this happened right before he went into work so he didn't call back.
Please just tell me your opinions.

I don't agree with the below poster really, most guys that you ask will tell you that they get turned on by porn, that doesn't make them addicted to it. Its a boy thing, my husband likes porn, and its normal to fantasize about other people. I mean I'm sure you think about hot celebs sometimes, most people do. Maybe you should try watching some porn with him, role play some of the scenes from the porn, try and understand where he is coming from. There is no reason to jump to conclusions about porn addiction or that he is cheating, wants to cheat, etc. Just because he fantasizes about other women and likes porn doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Does he still act the same? Are you sexually active, if so has your routine changed any?
I think you should call him back and try to talk to him about it, and I mean really sit down and talk to him, listen and try to understand where he is coming from.
Hope I Helped :))
If you have another question or would like to talk more, send me a private question or email.
bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

Q: I really want to get pregnant. Its not that I want to have a baby as much as just have that feeling of being pregnant. All pregnancy women are so pretty with that pregnancy glow about them and everybody is always rubbing their bellies and so excited about them having a brand new baby. I talked to my bf and said i really wanted him to get me pregnant and he was like kind of unsure but said he would think about it. I was thinking of going on and throwing away the box of condoms i have here so he'd like HAVE to do it with me without them? But then I'm just kind of unsure. I mean a baby is pretty time consuming and I don't want people to think I'm evil if I give it up for adoption. Being pregnant really is so cute though. Advice?

Okay sweetheart you are 15 years old, which means you are high school, I doubt you have a job and you really really can't take care of yourself let alone a baby. Being pregnant is very very serious, you can't just get pregnant to be pregnant. If you get pregnant that baby is your responsibilty, that means you have a LIFE depending on you to take care of it. How do you expect to do that when you can't take care of yourself?? Babies are more than time consuming, they completely change your life. Its no longer about you, its alll about that baby. You don't get to go out have fun, hang out with friends, do after school activities, nothing. I am really surprised that you can get on here and talk about having a baby like its a dog. Its not.
You really need to sit down, research how much money babies are, how bad it HURTS to have a baby, the complications that can arise, how it will change your body, and alll the responsibilities that go along with it. It might also be a good idea to talk to someone from planned parenthood, they can give you brochures and lots of information about pregnancy and motherhood. Honestly, it would be pretty stupid to try and get pregnant at your age, it would completely change your life, in ways that you at your age aren't ready for.
Hope I Helped :)
If you have any more questions or just want someone to talk to or give you more information about teen pregnany you can send a question to my inbox or email me at bacardii_caddy@yahoo.com

Q: im 17 i have had my period when i was 11 so it should be regular. im on birth control i missed just one day and took two pills later then usual thiss week. so on sunday i had some brwon discharge blood. happend to me before like during my period or after now its like days before my period and i googled it and it could be a pregnancy sighn which is possible i do have sex. but its soooo annoying i hate having this brown blood coming out and im supposed to have my period next week or sometime thiss week. im over it and want to know what i should do. does anyone go through this? should i get off the pill? missing one day seriously messes my period up like that it does this when i miss a couple days and when im supposed to get my period it lasts forever! i dont know what to do and if i tell my mom shell just think im pregnant.

Yes, missing one pill can mess you up. Brown blood before you period, such as spotting before your period is common, I wouldn't worry about it. If you really think about it most pregnancy symptoms can be period symptoms as well, so you can't really know unless you take a pregnancy test. If I were you I would just keep taking my BC like normal and if you don't get your period when you are supposed to then I would get a pregnancy test. You don't say if you had sex, when you had sex, etc. But if you are sexually active and missed your pill then there is a small chance that you could be pregnant. It is crucial that you remember to take your pill every day to prevent pregnancy.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: okay sooo what happened was in august i was supposed to get my period towards the end of the month but because my boyfriend was going away to university, i kept taking my pills (started a new pack) to postpone my period so we could have sex. Spotting occurred but whatever. because i started a new pack too early the period that i was supposed to get after that new pack i didnt like the timing of, so i waited a day and started the next pack, hoping to change my cycle back to the way it was. Now, i have to problems..
1. my period has been spotty for like the last 2 weeks and every time it seems to go away, it comes back. How long before the spotting goes away? hopefully by this weekend seeing as i have a wedding to go to :(
2. I thought i was okay to have sex so i did and there was a little blood, but my boyfriend came in me... do i have a high chance of becoming pregnant because even though i am on the pill, i skipped a day like the week before we did it to try to change my cycle

Missing a day and skipping the inactive pills in a pack of birth control can screw around with your period, as in making you spot. Also if you did miss a day then yes there is a chance that you could get pregnant because the birth control is not going to be as effective if you have missed a day. I would continue taking your birth control and see if your period straightens itself out and the next time you have sex use a condom for a month just to be sure that the birth control has had time to become as effective again.
If you do not want to wait you can always go to your doctor and talk to him about it. Or if you feel as though talking to a doctor would make you feel better then go, you can never have too much information or ask too many questions.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: My period is normally very regular. Every 28 days for 7 days. Last time i had it, i got it right on time, same as normal. . Well, i ended up getting it the other day, which was the 16th day. It was very light the first 3 days, almost not even there, and now its more "normal". But i haven't changed my exercise or eating habits, i don't know whats wrong. Should i see a doctor? Whats going on!? Thanks :)

You don't say how old you are or how long you have been having a menstrual cycle, but that could very well have something to do with it. If you haven't been having a cycle long or are young then it could change, when you are young it tends to change a few times. Another thing could be stress, if you are feeling extra stressed then it could also change the timining.
If you are feeling uncomfortable about it or would like some more information then definatly go to the doctor. You can never have too much information. Also if you are not on birth control then that could help make you regular.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: How do I get my mom to buy me a dog?

You don't say how old you are but I think the biggest thing that parents worry about when getting their child a pet is that they are going to end up taking care of the animal. Convince her that you are going to take care of the dog, now dogs aren't easy. You have to deal with potty training, nipping, baths, feeding & watering, taking the dog out to play, walks etc. And its a long comittement most dogs live to be in their teens, so its not to be taken lightly.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: What are the odds of getting pregnant with unprotected sex?

VERY HIGH, if you have unprotected sex it is very very likely that you will pregnant, because there is nothing stoping the sperm from reaching the egg. If you don't want to get pregnant then you need to use some form of birth control, the pull-out method is not effective, I am talking the pill, condoms, etc.
Do not have unprotected unless you want to have a baby, it only takes one time.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: Hey there can you help me get the right mentality i need to go through with this... me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years now and we are still very fond of each other, i love him more and more everyday and we are pretty close. We talk about forever as if we'll always be together so if things go well, we'll get married in the next few years. we just have a bit of a physical problem, that we keep coming very close to having sex even though we decided we'll keep it for after marriage. We both want to have sex, but we cant because we also both want to stick to our decision. I asked him what he thinks we should do to prevent it, like physical barriers or whatever haha and he said no, it has to be our minds that stop us. Any advice? Thanks in advance

Abstinence can be a very very tricky thing and your boyfriend is right your mind really has to be the thing that stops you from taking that step. The best thing that I think you should do is keep in mind WHY you have made the decision to be abstinent, keep going over it in your mind. Now its going to get really tough because if you are alone at all there is going to be temptation. You could also try avoiding the temptation, try to stay in groups, like watch tv in the living room, go out on group dates, etc.
It is great that you are making this decision, sex is a very very serious decision and should not be taken lightly. There are many things to take into consideration, stand strong in your decision and do not let yourself be pressured.
Hope I Helped & Good Luck :)

Q: About a week ago, I had sex with my boyfriend and the condom broke. And last night I was using the restroom and when i peed, there was legit little blood on the toilet paper.. and i whiped again and there was nothing? But when the condom broke I was on the back end of my period so I wasn't ovulating or anything i don't think :/

That will happen sometimes and there is a possibilty that you could be pregnant, it is probably a very very small chance but a chance still. The best thing for you to do is just wait for your period, do not stress out about it, stress can cause your period to be late. Just stay relaxed and you may want to think about talking to your doctor about other forms of birth control, such as the pill. Also, like the answer below, be sure the condoms are stored properly and are not out of date before you use them.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: I haven't had My First period yet and I'll be 14 early next month. I have got some cramps but they onl last from like 30sec-maybe 1 or 2 min but they are short mostly like 30 sec. Also some times if I fart they go away. Could they be related to my period? And someimes my nipples itch. Is this a sign? Please help asap!!!! My mom started when she was 12 and my cousin and aunt when they was 14. So what is it?

The age at which you will begin your period will vary, every girl starts at a different age, more active girls usually start at a later age, whereas some girls start as young as 8 some girls don't start until age 14-16.
Here is a website with some good information about your period.
http://kidshealth.org/kid/grow/body_stuff/menstruation.html#
Hope I Helped :)

Q: how do i stop i dnt want to lose her out of my life cause i love her so much

The best thing to do is just take a step back, don't call and text her constantly, don't quiz her about where she is, who she was with, who she's talking too etc. Also try talking to her, let her know that you really do care about her and tell her that you are really going to try and take a step back and let her live her life.
Hope I Helped :)

Q: I can't get horny for my boyfriend anymore. It feels good when he touches me and I still love him, but I just can't.
If it helps I haven't had my period since July 21st and I started the BC shot in August ( my periods are always irregular). Also. I;m 100% not pregnant ( got tested).
What doctor do I need to see?
Do I need to take hormones?
Is it the pill?
Please help!

I don't think you need to resort to a doctor just yet, maybe your boyfriend just isn't doing the right things. Talk to him about your problem and work together to find a solution, let him try using different parts of your body to see what works best for you. If that still doesn't work then I would talk to your gynecologist and they will be able to point you in the right direction. Birth control can deplete your sex drive so that very well may be the cause, if it is I'm not quite sure what they can do about, but I'm sure the doctor can figure something out. You probably do not need to take hormones, most of the time they are just for people who are extremely out of wack and not producing nearly enough estrogen or people who are trying to get pregnant, if your birth control is regulating your period just fine then I doubt thats the answer.
Talk to your boyfriend and your doctor and you should find the answer.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: Am I supposed to wipe every time I use the bathroom even though im on my period?

Yes, just because you are on your period you really do nothing different in the restroom, except change your feminine producte when necessary. Do not throw pads or tampons in the toilet, always dispose of them properly in a trash can and yes always wipe.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: 17/f
has anyone ever expierenced a bad relationship with a boy/girlfriend? Broke up.. didnt talk for a year or two met eachother again later in life, rekindled the love and are together today?

My husband and I sorta had this, I don't think it was really a bad relationship, but we dated when we were younger and it just never really worked out. We stayed close friends and then when I was a Junior I broke up with my long time boyfriend and he and I rekindled, we are now married and couldn't be happier :))
All relationships are different, you can't break up and always think that you are going to rekindle down the road but there is that possibility with some relationships. With my husband and I, it just wasn't the right time for us. If I were you I wouldn't worry about it, if its meant to be then it will work out and if not then he wasn't worth it in the first place. One day you will find that person that you are meant to be with and no one else will ever cross your mind again.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: Yesterday(September 18th) I had unprotected sex, but he didn't quite finish. I was expected to get my period on the 20th but I started bleeding today(19th). I have all the symptoms of period(cramping, sore breasts, etc)but still not sure. Does this mean I got my period 1 day early or is there a possibility I'm pregnant? If It's my period then I'm supposed to be getting the birth control Implant put in on the 3rd day.

If you started bleeding then I would say that most likely its your period, especially since it was the day before you were suppose to start. Keep in mind that you can get pregnant by precum, so there could be a chance that you are pregnant, its very slim. When you go to the doctor speak to them about it, if they think you should get tested before you get your bc implant then I would most definatly do that, if not I wouldn't worry about and in the future always use a condom whether he finishes or not there is still a risk.
Hope I Helped :))

Q: I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.

I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?

Sorry if this is too long!

Boys often don't think about things the way that we do, I think that he didn't think that you would be angry then once you found out he kinda panicked and hid it and is denying it. I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down with him, tell him you saw it, and then tell him why you are upset about it. Let him know that you don't appreciate the lies, because if he can lie about something this small he could lie about something bigger, therefore its hard for you to trust him. I totally get where you are coming from, but you just have to try and think about it from his point of view. My husband and I have had this problem before, and once I sat down and talked to him about it things are much better. Let him know that you will not stand for him lying, relationships are based on honesty and trust, there is no place for lies. Communication is key to a happy healthy relationship.
Hope I Helped :))

bio

I am a 19 year old female. I am the least judgmental person you will ever meet. I am funny. I am free-willed. I am a lover. I am a friend. I have been through alot & many people call me their guru. & I will try to give you the healthiest advice possible. I may be young but I have a lot of life experiences in many areas, and since my career will be giving advice I figured I'd give a head start. I can be blunt and will give you my honest opinion, although I will do it in a nice way.
I am married to an amazing guy, we have been together since my Junior year & we can't be happier. I have 2 dogs & they are my babies, life wouldnt be the same without them. I am going into my 2nd year of college, I plan to get a degree in Radiology.

I am currently really busy in my life but I will answer any and all questions that are sent to my inbox. I do my best to get on & answer as many questions as possible whenever I am on. If you wish for me to answer one of your questions please submit them. Thanks.