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Is it wrong for your boyfriend to fantasize about other girls?
Well i used to be really really jealous and me and my boyfriend of four years broke up because of it, because he kept lying to not hurt me, and it bothered me when he watched porn and stuff, but later he begged me back and he said he loved me & wanted me back. So now that we were together i asked him not to look at porn and if he wanted pictures or something i would send him some and even though i'm trying to get un-jealous like before i wouldn't let him go out without me(yeah i was psycho lol) but now i let get him get away with a lot but i still have jealous thoughts every once in a while, so the day before i wanted my moms number that he had on his phone and i had just gotten a new phone so i asked him for it and he didn't want to give it to me so i got suspicions? And i was like are you doing something wrong? Later he admitted he had porn on it, and i got kinda upset in my head, and later i couldn't stop thinking about it and i was sad and basically said told him i know it's because they look better or you fantasize about other girls but i was saying it not asking it.It was really supposed to be a rhetorical question. And he said well i do fantasize about other girls cause you're the only one i've been with, ( i told him he wasn't supposed to answer and he said he didn't know) and that hurt me really bad and i was like so you'd go with another girl and do her and he said "i just want to" and i was like so you do want to, and he said yeah. Like is that normal? Should i be mad or break up with him? Like now it disgusts me cause we're not even married like i know that happens to married people that have been together for a long time, but us i'm young i have the same body as the porn stars except without the fake big boobs mine are real so i just don't know how to react or what to do. i Just hung up on him cause without saying anything cause this happened right before he went into work so he didn't call back.
Please just tell me your opinions.
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Sorry it took me a while to answer this one. I took some time off to visit family for Thanksgiving :)
The standards that you and your boyfriend set for your relationship are up to you two individually.
Personally, I don't have a problem with my fiance looking at porn so long as I know he's keeping his fantasies in his pants. I figure it's better for him to get his curiosity about other women out of his system this way.
However, you might not be as comfortable with this as I am. In this case, you need to discuss with your boyfriend exactly why you are uncomfortable with him looking at porn. Between the two of you, you need to come up with a compromise. Note that I say compromise: you can't just order him to stop looking. He will lie to you and conceal his activities like he has been doing. If he has some say in the boundaries, he'll be far more likely to follow them. Like maybe if you guys watch porn together instead of him doing it alone.
Don't be too worried about this. Guys get curious about other women, and not just when they've been married for 20 years. They can't help what they feel, but they do have choice in their actions. A good guy will keep it in his pants, and that's what it sounds like your boyfriend is doing :)
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Hey there,
No, for the most part it isn't wrong for a guy to fantasize about other girls. Guys tend to have something in their brain that forces them think about other girls and therefore they like to imagine being with them.. which is completely normal. But, if he is not sharing what he is doing with you.. such as: doing things behind your back, actually being with someone else, lying to you, and not treating you right.. then you should be calling him out and asking 'why are you doing that?' or say 'I'd like it if you stopped that... Now'.
You shouldn't be mad, you should just talk to him about it and let him know it really bothers you. He probably won't stop doing it completely, but you could ask him to look at it in private and to not bring up the subject/comment on other girls when you are around. He should be treating you with respect and care about how you feel inside. Yes, guys will make comments about other girls and if he does that, tell him straight that you don't appreciate it.
An honest guy will listen to you and put an effort into what you ask him. Do not break up with him over this, unless he continues to lie and do it behind your back. And please, don't compare yourself to a porn star, you are much better than that. He should listen to what you say and work with you to make things better... If a guy doesn't do this, he is not the right guy for you <3
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Hi, Im a girl and i watch porn. My boyfriend does as well but we dont watch it togeather.
There is nothing wrong with porn, it has been around as long as there has been people. Not just on film but drawings, and carvings. Nudity and sex have been apart of peoples cultures and lives for thousands of years.
Yes its wrong that he told you he wants to have sex with other girls. But its not wrong to watch porn. Guys are visualy excited. They like watching sex, as much as they like having sex.
I dont know if you've ever watched porn, but i would suggest you check it out. You might find that its not as bad as you think.
Talk to him, and find out if he needs to take a break to get over these feelings he's having. If he feels the need to sleep with other girls just because your the only one hes slept with, then hes a waste of time.
But heres a word of advice, wether or not they tell you, EVERY guy watches porn. So good luck finding one who doesnt.
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Should your boyfriend fantasize about others? About winning the lottery? About being a race car driver in an illegal drag race in Tokyo?
Yes. You are not entitled to policing your partner's fantasy world. They get to have it, and whatever is in it. It's unkind and counter productive to blame them for it.
Sexual fantasies about others (and yes, porn) is normal, natural and healthy in most cases. Some people do engage with it badly, and neglect their partners, get stupid ideas about sex or watch porn that is not created ethically, but most people who watch porn are loving boyfriends, husbands and even fathers. They understand that fantasies are fun and great, and that porn isn't real, and that their relationships are a different, and better, kind of thing.
If you dump every guy in your life who watches porn or fantasizes about others, there are three possible outcomes for you:
One, you will always be nervous, suspicious and insecure, waiting to catch your partner in doing these things that they deserve to be able to do without blame.
Two, you will find one of the very, very, very few men who never watch porn. But don't kid yourself - they will still have sexual thoughts about women other than you - unless they are almost completely disinterested in sex all together and will never make you feel desired either!
Three, you'll end up with someone who is a good liar, and will hide their interest in porn and their fantasies, however large or small, from you, forever. This is the most likely - and the most sad - since you'll never truly know that person.
If you are a jealous of fantasies and pornography, you will be miserable for the rest of your life. You will never trust and never feel wanted. Guaranteed.
However, just because you are wrong in being jealous of fantasy or healthy engagement with porn, doesn't mean this is the right guy for you. He's obviously a bit clueless- and still figuring things out himself.
If your trust is broken and you no longer want to be with him, don't be. But please consider what I'm saying. You might have made great progress in dealing with your jealousy, but you are still trying to have waaaay more control over the thoughts and actions of your partner than you will ever get.
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fantasizeing about being with another girl is wrong but i think watching porn is alright my husband and i watch porn together.
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Dearcandore is by no means an "advice guru" or "life coach." I shudder to think how someone's life would turn out with them doing the coaching. Dearcandore is misinformed, wrong, and not qualified to give advice.
Anyway, he shouldn't be outright telling you that he wants to fuck other girls. But that's the only instance where he's in the wrong. He should be able to watch porn. He should be able to go out on his own. He should be able to have a life that doesn't have a psycho bitch girlfriend freaking out every ten seconds. Chill out, get a hobby, get a dog; be less crazy and maybe he'll stay with you, because at this rate he's better off bailing.
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I don't agree with the below poster really, most guys that you ask will tell you that they get turned on by porn, that doesn't make them addicted to it. Its a boy thing, my husband likes porn, and its normal to fantasize about other people. I mean I'm sure you think about hot celebs sometimes, most people do. Maybe you should try watching some porn with him, role play some of the scenes from the porn, try and understand where he is coming from. There is no reason to jump to conclusions about porn addiction or that he is cheating, wants to cheat, etc. Just because he fantasizes about other women and likes porn doesn't mean that he doesn't love you. Does he still act the same? Are you sexually active, if so has your routine changed any?
I think you should call him back and try to talk to him about it, and I mean really sit down and talk to him, listen and try to understand where he is coming from.
Hope I Helped :))
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Nope. You're wrong. People have been married for a long time don't turn to porn to get turned on. People who are "sick" turn to porn to get turned on. I can't say for sure, since I really don't know your relationship, but its my guess that the real issue isn't you at all. I think your boyfriend has a porn addiciton. Yes, porn addiction is VERY real and destructive. You say you are pretty attractive, so obviously its not about looks for him. He has other things he's dealing with. So in a way, you can feel a little better knowing its not really you, but the flip side of that is that you have a bf who is addicted to porn! Do an internet search on porn addiction and start finding out what the "signs" of addiction are. Maybe you'll be more clear about the situation and what to do about it if you understand a bit more about it... but in the meantime, to protect yourself and your heart, break up with this guy. He doesn't have your best interests and heart, right now.
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