ask familyfirst

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

Good day everyone.

I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.

I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.

If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.

Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 16764

Main Categories:
View All

My husband and I have been married for almost two years. We have a one year old baby boy and another baby on the way. Last night I confronted him because he seemed distant to me... he admitted that he missed being single... he said he felt guilty for feeling that way and that he wanted to be with me because he loves his family and his son... but not in so many words did he say he loved me...
I am completely at a loss. I know there are things I could do better as a mother/ wife... but I don't know what to do to rekindle what he must've lost for me. (link)
Congratulations on the coming of your second baby! Children are such a joy and a blessing. I doubt I have to tell you that since you already have one wonderful little boy fulfilling your days (and nights!)

Without having a history and the lack of your husband's point of view, this is difficult. However, there are a few things you said that made an immediate impression on me.

You are coming up on your second anniversary. For the first couple of years of marriage you cannot escape the title of “newlywed”. There are so many bumps and bruises involved with this time of your life. Even if you and your husband have been friends since childhood, you never really know someone until you have been married for a while. It would seem that you are beginning to reach the point in your relationship where your husband is settling into the idea of the life he now has, and perhaps is not entirely satisfied with it. This is not necessarily a profound “problem”. Often this could just mean you need to add a few extra date nights here there or something else just as simple.

Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship and I cannot stress this enough. Developing healthy effective communication will help you get through anything. Your comment about “confronting” him stands out to me. No one wants to feel confronted. This can cause the person with whom you are speaking to shut down completely. He may get defensive and confrontation only leads to non-productive arguments. There is a communication technique called “I feel” statements. This is where you own your feelings when discussing your problems. Consider how you are truly feeling. Not just “mad” or “angry”. A few others could be enraged, irate, desperate, lonely, feeling powerless... etc. You could then approach your husband and ask him to please sit with you for a few minutes because you would like to have a discussion with him... not “I need to talk to you...”. This could be translated as “I need to lecture you”. The need for a “discussion” gives the suggestion that he has a say. An example of how to start the conversation based on the information you gave could be:

“I feel that you have been distant lately. When you spend more time in your office than with me I feel discouraged that you may be unhappy with me or something I have done. Would you please tell me how you are feeling?”

Now, you mentioned a conversation has already taken place where he has said he misses being single. This is not so uncommon. I have been married for almost 14 years. I admit there are times I have the passing thought that if I did not have a husband or three children I would be able to go where ever I wanted and do what I wanted when I wanted to do it. That does not mean that I actually want to give up my life. I hope the same is true with your husband. Two years ago he was care free. Now he is not. You have been married for less than two years. I presume he is at least 20. Two years out of twenty is not a huge percentage of his life that he has had to adjust to these MAJOR life changing events.

The two of you developed your present life very quickly. Within a 2 to 2 ½ year time span he went from being a single man to a man with a wife and two children. That is a lot of life changes in such a short amount of time. You two did not have a chance to get to know each other as a couple before you had a child. You did not have a chance to get adjusted to being parents before another baby was added to the picture. We all adjust to life's circumstances differently. I do not mean to suggest you are feeling this way but should you be feeling that you have adjusted to your circumstances, why hasn't he? This is an unfair assessment for him. He is not you. There are different stressors in life. Some are expected, others are unexpected. Your husband expected to marry you. This is a positive stressor that was expected. Did the two of you expect or plan to have a child right away and then another immediately after the first one? Children are wonderful. But they are stressful. As much as he loves them, if they are unexpected stressors he may be feeling very overwhelmed about this. My husband loves our children but with each one of my three my husband could not sleep at night thinking about the financial ramifications of another body to care for and another mouth to feed. Men think differently than women. Women get pregnant and anticipate what to name the baby, cry when they hear the heartbeat, love to look at clothes and room designs, daydream about what their little round faces will look like, what their voices will sound like. Men wonder if their car is big enough for another child, how they will finance a second crib, car seat, health insurance to cover another set of well-child visits, vaccinations, child care if/when you go back to work, and how on earth he will ever be able to love another child as he loves his first one which seems unfair to the newest little bundle.

You feel that he has lost something for you. Does he know you feel this way? Did you tell him that you are feeling as though his feelings toward you have changed? You need to be open minded for whatever his answers may be. You cannot begin a conversation assuming the answers and then chastise him for answering differently than you had hoped. This is one of the dangers of open communication. You just never know what the other person may say. The reality is his feelings for you may very well have changed. You are not the same woman you were before you two got married. You have a few years of new life experiences under your belt. It is expected that once we have experienced new things we grow; emotionally, mentally. The hope is that his feelings for you are even deeper. You are no longer the sweet, pretty woman he fell in love with and married. You are now his beautiful wife, the mother of his own children which without you he would not have!. He is no longer “in love with you”... he would die for you.

Finally- you are pregnant. All mothers know first hand how emotional pregnancy can be. Having the above discussion with your husband can help you to determine whether what you are feeling is irrational because of fluctuating hormones, or whether you two truly need outside help. If you DO need outside help, go get it. For the love of your family, your children go get it. Do not let your family fall into the trap that 51% of all families in the United States fall into where the relationship is simply ended because your feelings have changed. There are marriage counseling facilities all over the place! They will help the two of you learn the tools that will lead to a rewarding life together. If counseling is not possible because of financial limitations there are religious institutions that offer couples counseling at a greatly reduced price, often even free with just the price of materials; $25-$30. It is worth it. Either marriage therapy or a church affiliated support group will offer you communication skills, a mediator who can help you understand your spouse's point of view, etc. You have no idea what amazing things can come out of the two of you spending time together getting to know each other better. It is confusing to try to understand this but: You don't know what you don't know until you know it... This means that unless you know what your problems are, you cannot fix them because in order to fix a problem you have to know what the problem is, where it comes from, and the tools to fix it. If you have a puddle in your living room you cannot fix it unless you know whether it came from a spilled glass of water, the ceiling above, a pipe from below, or your adorable little puppy. Once you know, you can grab the tools you need, clean up the mess, and hopefully not have the problem again. Relationships are just like this. You cannot fix what you do not know is broken and do not have the right tools for the job.

What's the difference between History and Social Sciences.
I want to be a history teacher, but not sure if I should major (community college) in history or social science education... (link)
History is the study of collections of past events.

Social Science is the relationships of individuals within a society.

If you want to be a history teacher I suggest majoring in history, while taking Social studies classes as the relationships of individuals within a society very often times creates significant history! They are closely related. You will also need education classes. At the community college level you would probably want to take as many history, education, and social science classes as you can.

Talk with a counselor in the "history" or "education" department of your intended college. They can give you a great rundown of the classes you should take to keep you on the right track.

I asked the question about the song, and came up with the artist is Iris. I cant find anything lol can you help by sending some links? (link)
three links to youtube. there are more options on the right side of the screen once you are at youtube.

the only part is have is:
come true
you _____
you ______
heart beats fast in ____
We can get ______
you say you want it all

(_____ means i dont know the words lol)

And the website says its called: Iris.
Its like, a techno like song and im in love with it lol. i have a bit of it you can listen to. (link)
I have discovered the artist is Iris. If you look at Youtube there are tons of songs there. I have listened to about 9 of them trying to figure out which one this is and I have googled the lyrics based on Iris being the artist but no luck. This is not a complete answer for you but knowing the artist is Iris may help you get started.

I am taking care of my 86yo. father and he smokes a pack a day of cigarettes. I hate the smell and I don't want them around my 12 yo. daughter (his grandaughter), but he suffers from dimensia and he forgets to not light up in the house and I am afraid of a possible fire risk. He can't drive anymore and I have contemplated just not buying him anymore smokes. But I feel it would be torture for him yet ultimately good for all of us. Should I force him to stop smoking even though he has enjoyed this privaldge all of his life? (link)
Tough situation! On one hand he has been doing this all his life. He understands it will kill him but he's 86. Something's going to kill him, why not let him die doing something he enjoys. (I hear that a lot).

But on the other hand you have every reason in the world to say enough is enough. You have a daughter that is at serious health risk, he has dementia which clearly means fire risk...

If he is just a little forgetful then this does not apply... but if has true dementia, has been diagnosed, and shows real symptoms then I might suggest something:

It sounds like you are the enabler. It was suggested that without you he wouldn't have any. So, you keep them. Don't let him have free access to them. Then when you are with him you can allow him to sit on the patio and have a single cigarette away from your daughter, outside, and you don't go anywhere until he's done (or keep a slight distance to be away from smoke but able to observe for danger). He may be forced to cut WAY back and may not be happy about this but he is still getting to smoke without exposing your daughter and catching himself or the home on fire. He may only get 3 or 4 a day rather than a full pack but he still gets some.

This is what nursing homes do in Ohio where we are now smoke free. Ohio is a smoke free state where you are not permitted to smoke in any public business. If there is a resident who smokes but is unable to get out to the designated smoking area on their own, they simply have to wait until the staff can get them outside. They are not being told they cannot smoke. They aren't being permitted to smoke when ever and where ever either... but they do get their chance.

Dad is likely going to be cranky. Be supportive and caring and compassionate to his situation. He's old. He can no longer do things on his own, his life has changed and will never be what it used to be. But try to let a lot of what he says roll off as noise. Don't take offense to everything. When he isnt getting all the cigarettes he is used to he will get extra cranky. I just don't want you to get discouraged and upset because you are being responsible and doing what really needs to be done.

Well school just started. Lately I have been really tired, I have also been avoiding my friends a lot. My mom keeps thinking I'm mad. I feel less energetic than I used to be, The girl I like doesn't seem to like me. I have been Extra Lazy, I'm M/15. I'm also losing interest in sports & video games, I feel dead & lonely, my parents think I'm dumb and think I don't know what goes on when I really do. I've NEVER felt this blank. I feel like there's no point in anything. I feel like I'm impatiently waiting for something. I feel as if my dreams will never come true. I'm usually never like this, but the past few weeks I just haven't felt the same about things. I wish I can start a new life & forget everything & everyone I know. I just don't know. I would never do it or wish for it, but I like to wonder what would happen if I died & what It would be like. IDK... (link)
I think you have two things going on. The first thing is depression. This is completely normal but you do NOT have to suffer. There are interventions for depression such as medications, support groups, or lifestyle changes.

There's a website that can help explain depression and how to cope with it.

But ALWAYS inform mom and dad. You stated that your parents think your dumb. You feel this way because lots of teens feel their parents just "don't get them". The truth that you need to remember is that your parents love you more than life itself and would do anything to help you feel better. Trust me. Im a parent. Tell mom and dad you think you may be depressed and you would like to seek help. If you are suffering they will see it in your eyes and want to be there for you.

The second thing I think I am reading from your history is you are growing up. You are a maturing teen boy. Symptoms of a maturing teen are anger, loneliness, depression, and not enjoying the things you used to enjoy anymore. You know why? Because you aren't that person anymore. You are growing up.

It can be confusing when you no longer want to play your favorite video game or you cant be bothered riding your skateboard anymore. Then dont. Maybe you've grown out of it. Maybe your interests have changed. Think about something that might give you a spark of energy. Gardening, animals, writing, sports, building something, volunteering somewhere, singing, painting... anything. Think about anything on earth that sparks an interest. Maybe you should check it out! You are at a developmental stage right now where you are becoming a man but aren't quite there. it's a tough place to be. Explore this feeling. It may end up leading to a decision about what you want to do with your life.

The girl you like doesn't seem to like you? Then either settle for being friends with her or don't worry about it. There are tons of girls out there and if one doesn't like you... well... you can't win them all but the ones you cant win aren't worth the time of day anyway. Hang on until one that is deserving of you comes around. Believe me... just because a girl is pretty and catches your eye does NOT make her worth pursuing.

So. First thing is approach mom and dad about how you are feeling. Suggestion: It is much easier to talk if you aren't making eye contact. Talk in the car when you can look out the window or some similar situation. Just say "hey mom... i dont feel good. I think i'm depressed. not like sad but like I may actually need a doctor". Your desire to get help will get her attention. She'll listen. Once you get that taken care of- reevaluate your life and if you dont like your video games anymore... then do what you DO like!!!

Most of all- just remember you are norrmal. You are important, i guarantee it! You are in a very difficult developmental stage right now but it DOES get better. Hang in there. NO ONE WILL BE BETTER OFF IF YOU ARENT AROUND. You really want to get people talking then do some super awesome things.

Good luck. It's hard to be 15. I've been there!!

I am a sixteen year old girl and im in a serious relationship and i have been for a year. I recently discovered my noyfriend wants to give me a promise ring. I've been in one serious relationship before and I never felt this way Is it too soon to be given a promise ring? Am i too young? (link)
You should probably ask yourself a question: Are you taking the promise ring seriously?

If your answer is no, then you could accept it now and if your relationship takes a turn for the worse you can always give it back to him when you break up. Think of it as back in the 1950's when boys used to give girls their letter jackets or class rings and it was simply a symbol that they were "going steady" and therefore the other boys should stay away from the girl because she had a boyfriend. If the relationship ended, it was customary to give the ring back.

If your answer is yes then you should very carefully consider that a promise ring will, a few years down the road lead to an engagement ring and ultimally marriage. This leads to more questions.

-Are you 100% certain at 16 this is the boy you want to spend the next 60+ years with?
-How are you going to handle it as the two of you get deeper into puberty and deeper into making your life choices as you approach 18, 20, 25 when you want to go to colleges 100's of miles apart, or you want to go to college and he doesn't? Do you know right now if you both want kids? Are you set in your religious beliefs and is he? Can you live with these possible differences?

You can be as serious about this promise ring as you want. If you are both very serious about it then realize what it is you are saying by accepting it. You are commiting to this boy at 16!

The "promise ring" is a vague term. Be sure you both understand the full ramifications of the ring. It generally refers to the promise to be monogomous with the one person until you are officially engaged and ultimately married. It can also refer to a ring otherwise known as a purity ring. A "promise" to remain sexually abstinant until married. There are laws of marriage. "Promises" dont have official laws. Just be sure you both have an understanding of what is appropriate behavior for each of you since there arent any official guidelines.

Making decisions about who we want to marry, whether or not to have kids, what we want to do in our career... these are supposed to be very difficult decisions that a 16 year old is not generally equiped to make. Whats important to you now at 16 is probably NOT going to be important to you at 25 or 26 when your brain has reached its full development.

It is always concerning when young people want to make adult decisions to get married or have children when you still have several years of maturing.

This is hypothetical... but right now you know you are in love with your boyfriend because he is nice to you, compliments you, buys you gifts, is gorgeous, popular, sporty, and drives a nice car. You may decide when you are 21 that you really want to go on a humanitarian mission to Africa. He has no interest in giving up his life here to live in the jungle with no electricity or running water. He wants to finish his Engineering degree and go on to do something great and wonderful in his field. Or vice versa. What if he decides with his given career path his best location would be on the ocean because he is a marine biologist but as an archaeologist you need to be in the desert (again- all hypothetical but hopefully you get the point). There are major sacrifices that often have to be made.

When young people ask me about relationships I generally give this advice: Have fun as a teenager. Leave the adult stuff to the adults. Leave sex, children, marriage, all the big stuff out of the picture until you have lived out your childhood. You only get 18 years to be a kid and then you have to make career choices and other major life choices. Be cautious getting involved in "serious" relationships because it is unnecessary to choose "the one" when you are still a kid. Date. Get to know the type of man you want to be with. Different boys are going to have different things that you really like or really dislike. The point of dating is to figure out what you can and can NOT live with so when you are an adult and meet a man, you know and understand whether he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Be extremely cautious about commiting yourself at 16. Just be a kid and have fun. You only get 2 more years and then your decisions really count. There is a lifetime left for sex, marriage, having babies... but you only get to be a kid for a little while longer. Why cloud it with excessive drama and worry?

Loads of babble here. Hopefully at least one sentence of it will apply to your life or situation and make some sort of sense.

Good luck on whatever decision you make. Above all else; love your self and love your decision.

Okay, so here lately I've been really wet 24/7, and I haven't been horny AT ALL! I don't understand why I've been so wet for. My discharge doesn't have a smell, or a color. Its clear.

*Kind of personal information below, but I don't care.

Today I was taking a poop, and before I wiped, I pee'd. Well, when I went to wipe, I noticed something long, thin dangling from my vagina hole, and I wiped it and it was like gel, or jelly.

It was clear, and no smell, && I rubbed it between my fingers, and it didn't come apart. Kind of like the silly putty that farts when you press it in the cup and it makes a sound. It didn't leave any access discharge on my fingers, it stayed together.

Im alittle scared, because I don't know whats wrong with me. I showed my mom, and I told her where it came from, and she goes "Get it away! You got some kind of disease!" But I dont thank I do? (link)
You asked a follow up question but you are "anonymous" so this is the only way i knew how to answer you; to edit my original answer. Anyway, we are women which means there is nothing normal about us including our cycles. You ovulate every month but you may not get this mucous patch every month. I have always been fairly regular with my mucous patch and found it helpful in conceiving my children. As luck would have it, we are trying to get pregnant again and now that i NEED a sign that i am ovulating i only get the mucos about every 3 to 4 months! Most inconvenient lol but thats the way it is. But i want to stress- there is nothing wrong with you. You are a normal ovulating woman who just got her first (gross lol) mucous patch. I actually encourage you to see a doc like mom wants. You can get further educsted on this and as it seems mom is not in the majority and is not familiar with this phenomenon, it could help her too.

You did not mention your age but you just described 100% what many women's discharge is like during ovulation. It is called a mucous patch. After your period you start to devekop discharge which starts a bit watery but gradually gets thicker and more stringy the closer you get to the 14 day mark. It will be much like egg whites from a chicken egg; long and stringy and does not immediately break apart. This will last maybe 2 or 3 days when you are ovulating and then will gradually get less the closer you get to your period.

I hope your mom was just playing with you. It sounds as though you just have the same thing that probably 80% of all women have that is their sign of ovulation and it is these kinds of things we really need to have a woman in our lives we can discuss this with.

You do not have a disease- you are simply maturing.

I'm 20 years old and I thought I knew what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Turns out, I don't. Big surprise! I'm currently a transfer student and I'm now attending Penn State University for my Junior and Senior years. At first I thought I wanted to go here, I did since I was little. But now that I'm here I don't think I like it. It's so big, way different then what I'm used to, and I feel like I can't get the proper attention I need to focus in class when my classes have 200+ people in them. I don't have a lot of friends up here because I always sit beside someone different and I never get their names. But I don't want to regret leaving if I do decided to go to another college. So I'm confused.

I am currently majoring in Veterinary and Biomedical science. I'm an animal lover at heart and I would love to work with them, but after taking a few course I've realized I suck at chemistry and I need to take a lot of chemistry courses for this major.

I really have no idea what I need advice on I know you guys can't say "go to this college and major in this major" I just want to know if any of you have been through this, what you did to figure it out, and just anything else that could be helpful to me. I'm really just getting super stressed out and overwhelmed and any kind of advice you could give me on this subject would be helpful.

Thanks so much for your time! (: (link)
I dont really have any advice on your first issue; going to a school that is too big and you dont have a whole lot of friends. The obvious would be to start a study group in one of your classes or go to a social event, even go alone. Then practice leaving your comfort zone and meet new people.

But I do want to address your second issue of wanting to work with aniimals but chem gives you trouble. I have been in healthcare since 1996. I have changed jobs a few times and am finally completing my nursing degree. My primary experience was in working at a pharmacy. Let me repeat that... a pharmacy. While there one of my friends/co-workers was a pharmacist. She told me something once that really surprised me... she hated chemistry and was glad she never really had to use it anymore. A pharmacist who doesnt need chemistry??? And she was right. A pharmacist needs to know the ins and outs of the drugs they dispense and knowledge in chemistry is certainly a help- but their main objective is pharmacology.

You are concerned about veterinary medicine because of chemistry. Take the class. Study hard and get the best grade you can. But do NOT let this subject determine whether you switch majors. Once you get through it you will likely have the core knowledge you need to become a great vet.

If you decide there is another major that can tie in your love of animals and takes away chemistry at the same time- go for it. But don't let it stop you. I started my nursing degree 14 years ago. I switched majors because when I took my nursing class that dealt with geriatrics (the elderly) I HATED it. My nursing instructor told me the class would "make us or break us"- if we didnt love that class and what we were doing we ought to get out of nursing. Now here I am completing a degree I started 14 years ago because I have not been particularly happy in my line of work since I changed. I WANT to be a nurse. And you know what? The elderly is only one aspect of nursing. Theres the ER, the OR, pediatrics, oncology, hematology... a loads of other areas. I regret leaving nursing because of what that instructor said. You don't need to be convinced to leave veterinary medicine just because chemistry is not an easy subject. Pass the classes. Do your best. Then you can become a licensed vet and move on with your life and forget you ever suffered through those classes.

The idea of what we want to do for the rest of our lives, especially at the age of 20 is overwhelming. You are young!!! fight for vet school if that is what you want. But don't forget also that people change their minds about what to major in all the time. That is ok too.

Best of luck.

i finger myself all the time and im really kinda young and i dont want to get prenate. can you get pregnat from sticking fingers in your vagina? it feels good and i dont wanna stop but i dont want to have a baby because of it. i do it until i cum if that makes a diffrance. and if that can get u pregant then what about just rubbing it on the out side??? is that risky to? (link)
The only way you can get pregnant is if sperm fertalizes your egg. Sperm only comes from a male's penis. You will not get pregnant by fingering yourself.

I am really young and just had my first baby. My parents keep telling me how i need to be responsible and take care of my baby like a real mom and im trying here. I am really freaking out about stuff though because of this one thing. How do i know if my baby is still hungry? I dont know how much he can eat without getting too full and i'm afraid to keep giving him more milk in case he gets sick and throws up. how can you tell if a baby is full? I heard that if you don't stop feeding a baby they will just eat and eat and then the stomach will split inside or something? :\ (link)
Rest assured that your baby will NOT eat until his stomach splits.

First of all, the stomach is incredibly elastic and can hold more than you can imagine. If you are familiar with the show Mythbusters, they did an experiment attempting to burst a stomach. If you are interested this link should take you to a very brief snippit on their experiment.

Secondly, our bodies are designed so that our brain works with every part of our body to work as a "well oiled" machine. Without getting into a major anatomy and physiology lecture- There is a portion of the brain called the hypothalamus. This is responsible for many things including regulating our body's temperature, hunger, thirst, our "human clock"... but, to keep it simple if we are physically in need of nourishment there is a message sent to our brains that says "feed me". So we feel hungry and we eat. When our bodies have had enough our brain is sent the message "thank you. I feel much better now" and we feel full and stop eating. In infants and children this works very well and they either eat if they are hungry or don't eat if they are not. Ask the parent of any child and they will tell you 1 of 2 things: either "I don't know how my child survives! She eats next to nothing!!!" OR "My child eats us out of house and home!"

If your baby has a tendency to throw up you need to talk with your doctor... but you may need to try a few things. One would be to give him smaller amounts more frequently. Rather than 4 ounces every ... 3 hours??? I have already forgotten what it is for babies... but change it to 2 ounces every 1.5 hours. He is getting the same amount in the same time period but his body is able to digest the smaller amount easier. He may need to remain seated in an upright position for a while to aid in digestion. There is a difference between being "spitty" and "vomiting" which you can discuss with the doctor. He may need reflux precautions and even treatment. This is very common.

You should never force your child to eat if he is simply not interested in eating. He's fine. He knows what his body is telling him. Likewise, as long as your child is being offered healthy food options, you should let your child eat until he is full. He needs the extra nourishment for a growing body. (Note I said "healthy" options).

Your baby's hypothalamus will tell him if he is hungry and he will tell you by crying nonstop until he is full. Feed him. If he isn't crying, he has had enough.

All that being said there are certainly a few conditions to put on this hunger, brain signal thing. One is- this is all said assuming your baby is a normal, well developing baby. If your doctor weighs him in at his well-child checks and is not concerned you probably should not be either. If your baby is gaining too much weight or too little weight, your doctor will give you suggestions to overcome this. But in general, if your baby is hungry he will cry and you should feed him.

Now for the exception to the rule: It is possible to eat until you rupture your stomach! It is extremely rare and usually involves a genetic disorder or a major illness, but it can happen. This is why I have said that "as long as your baby is a normal, well developing baby..." because the chances of him having one of these problems is EXTREMELY slim.

Then of course there is the high incidence of childhood obesity... but again, I said "healthy food options". Clearly if your son is 5 years old and wants to get two or three value meals at the local fast food chain, the answer should be NO. This goes in line with one other issue which is learning how to override the signal that our hypothalamus sends. As we get older, we tend to ignore when our brains say we are full because that hamburger or piece of cake is SO good we are not about to throw the rest of it away! Have you ever heard someone tell their kid "you are not leaving the table until you have eaten all of your (enter food item here)" This should not be done! Give your child smaller portions in the future but do not force your child to override the message his hypothalamus is naturally giving him.

You said you are young. This is your first baby. I was not so young when I had my first; I was 25. He was our first, and the first baby I had EVER held!!! I was clueless. BUT, I love reading parenting books and magazines and books on child psychology... all of these things are important. I have a philosophy that when I am in charge of the world (you are allowed to laugh here) I am going to require every parent to take at least 1 parenting / child psychology course. You clearly have your baby's best interest at heart. Good for you. It is not an ideal situation to be a young single parent but we have to make the best of our situations in life. You are trying to do just that. The fact that you are "really freaking out" and are asking for advice shows how much you care about your baby and want to do what's best for him. This tells me, and I don't even know you, that you want to be a good mom and will try very hard to do just that.

Let me suggest that you get a copy of "what to expect the first year". It doesn't have to be a 2011 copy... I mean, kids have been surviving for a long time so if you are able to buy a brand new one, great. Otherwise pick up (even borrow from the library) a copy that is just a few years old and read through it. That was my bible with my first son.

I now have three ages 2, 4, and 6 and I am not ashamed to say there has been the occasion that food has fallen on the floor and I did NOT stop them from eating it! My point here is that... it does get easier.

The more concern you have the more research you do so go with your anxiety. Read about babies and parenting.

I feel like I left something out but I think I have said enough for a while LOL...

Good luck. Parenting is the hardest, scariest job you will ever do but in the midst of all the fear, look down at your little boy. Kiss him on his little nose. It will all be ok.

My husband has pretty risky cancer. The doctor has told me that it's likely he won't make it to see his next birthday. This frightens me and I'm unable to cope with that news. I have been crying day and night over this. I feel like I'm trapped all alone in this mess. I don't want him to die. How can I make this better and just stop being so...miserable? I keep telling myself, "He's not dead yet!" but it feels so hopeless. (link)
The first thing I want to say is don't let the doctors scare you into believing your husband is going to die. If your husbands body is strong enough and he gets his treatments or surgeries or whatever is prescribed, he may have a chance of fighting this!

Now that I have that laid out on the table- You don't need advicenators. You need a support group. You need to be in a group of people who are where you are emotionally and dealing with the possibility of losing a spouse or someone else just as close.

Grief is not something that anyone can tell you how to deal with. You have to go through the five stages of grief on your own time and in your own way. You may want to surround yourself with friends and family or separate yourself and be alone for a while. There is no wrong way to feel what you are feeling.

You and your husband will go through these stages; Denial, anger, resignation, bargaining, and depression but may not be on the same stage at the same time and you may return to the same stage many times. You need a support group to be there for you and talk you through this regardless of your stage. The AMerican Cancer Society may also be able to help you find the support you need. They will have connections in any area and can point you in the right direction:

Hospitals usually offer some sort of grief counseling or support and certainly if you go into a church (a good church) there will be someone there to sit and talk with you. I dont know about all churches but I know if you walked through the door of mine, ANYONE would drop what they were doing and sit with you as long as you needed to talk.

My heart aches for you and I have never even met you. I wish I could offer you some brilliant piece of advice to either resolve your stress and sadness or tell you I know a place your husband could go to have his cancer cured. The truth is I cannot. This is a very difficult situation to be forced into.

All I can offer is feel free to write me any time if you just want to talk or have a question. If you would like to contact someone at my church and gain a penpal (or even me) all you have to do is ask. Talk to your friends and family. It's great to have a shoulder to cry on... even if everything turns out ok with your husband.

I wish you the best of luck and will be praying for your family.

ok so i am f/17 and i want to become closer to God i mean ive been baptizted before bt i really want to become closer to the lord i guess i just got baptized because i felt i had to at the moment i was close to the lord before i got baptized after that everything went down hill =[ i just want to be closer to the lord because he is my confort bt im scared to talk to him for some odd reason
soo how can i become closer to the lord like i was before?
what can i do ?
and will god be angry at me because ive changed? (link)
God loves you. Regardless of what you have done or how you have changed, He loves you and wants to be closer to you.

The best way to be close to God is to do things for Him. One way would be to get involved in Sunday School classes to learn more in depth information about him, and do volunteer work to continue doing the work of Jesus.

Remember the popular saying WWJD? What Would Jesus Do? Well, sort of keep that in mind. Jesus was friends with the sick, the hungry, the people in his society who were shunned. You could volunteer at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or hospital. If there is a "drive" at a local church you could participate.

During the school year we have a "Backpack project" where we pack up bags of food to give kids every friday. The kids who get the bags qualify for free or reduced priced lunches at school. We feel if they cannot afford school lunch, they may not get much on the weekends either. During the summer this continued and we met up in neighborhoods around the area serving lunches to those kids who receive the "backpacks" during the school year. You could have had a role as simple as preparing the food, helping to serve it, etc. This is just one example.

It is certainly important to find a good church. Attending Sundays is important but even more important are the classes. Particularly if you have a pastor who can be long winded (lol) you may not get a lot out of that lesson. But if you can participate in a class, you could be reading, doing projects with, and having deep discussions with a small group of other people who are just as curious as you.

My church offers various classes such as Disciple. There are 4 levels of this and they are a long term commitment (an entire school year long). You go step by step through the bible understanding the background of the books so that it puts everything into context and helps to understand why the people did what they did.

Another class I took about 4 years ago was called "Serious answers to hard questions" which dove into things like the terrorist attacks, science versus religion, why do bad things happen to good people, etc. These kids of things you dont really learn that much during a Sunday sermon.

I was in your place about 10 years ago. I was so "thirsty" to learn more about God. I still don't know anywhere near what I want to know but I have grown as a Christian since I joined my church 7 years ago and am much more fulfilled in my life. It sounds like this is what you may need as well.

It is always ok to pray. Pray to God and discuss with Him that you are confused and need help. You may find something bizaar happens soon afterwards such as an advertisement from a local church needing help with a food drive. I have had this sort of thing happen. I was having financial difficulties and prayed to God that there be some relief to my situation. The next day I had an E-Mail from my children's pastor that they were in desparate need of help with Sunday Morning child care and it was a paid position... would I be interested. Sometimes it isnt that obvious. Another example is I was in the car one time complaining to God about some rediculous circumstances in my life that as I look back on were pretty pathetic. As I was praying I had a christian disc playing. I suddenly became aware of the words to a song that was currently playing "I asked for myself (he showed me a friend in need)" and I realized... stop being so selfish and realize there are other people in much more need than myself!!!

These are all just examples of my personal experience but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

I hope this was helpful. Certainly if you have any further questions I would be MORE than happy to discuss christianity with you.

Everything being said: Pray to God. Don't be afraid. He will tell you what you need to do. He loves you. He misses you.

I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.

I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?

Sorry if this is too long! (link)
This was not too long... the more history I have the easier it is to give an appropriate answer :)

Unless he is willing to come clean and discuss what it is that he is hiding and why he is hiding it then you clearly cannot trust him. Without trust in a relationship there is no reason to save it. Relationships are to be built on trust and communication and without either one- there is nothing.

As far as the proof... you have seen the page. that is proof enough. Just because you cannot access it does not mean it doesn't exist. If you walked in on him making out with another girl but forgot to bring your camera to get a picture for proof... he still made out with her whether there is proof or not. He created that page. "You dont have proof" is a very weak arguement.

You mentioned "if he didn't think it was wrong, why did he hide it when I found out?". He must HAVE thought it was wrong which is why he denied it to begin with.

You should be able to trust him not to spread around information regarding your relationship if you do not want the information shared. He should respect you enough to keep your personal info private. People make mistakes. If he had posted information that you did not want shared but he did not realize it then it should have been as simple as "sweetie, I feel that info is private and would appreciate you removing it from FB" and his response should have been "Im sorry. I didn't realize it bothered you. I will remove it immediately".

You felt you had to try to trick him into admitting his secret page. This does not suggest a long history of trust in your relationship. And then to find out that once he found out you knew about the page he made it unaccessable to you? There is just one thing after another that tells me the two of you either need to have a serious discussion regarding the lack of trust and lack of open communication happening in your relationship. If he is unwilling or you don't feel that you are able to make improvements... then this relationship is only going to bring you misery.

I would never want to tell you what to do with your personal relationship. I just want to suggest this... Are you happy with him? Are you ok with him having this secret page and then hiding it after you found out? Are you ok with him being dishonest about even knowing what you were talking about? If you are ok with this then you should probably figure a way that you can accept his flaws. If this makes you unhappy then you should probably do something about it; make him understand how you feel and that you will not tolerate this, or else find someone who is more deserving of your attention and affection.

No one should settle in a relationship. There is someone out there who can be perfect for you (note I said perfect for YOU... not a perfect person)- if you know what it is you want. If you want someone to confide in, share your jokes, go on adventures, take care of you when youre sick, someone you can be truely happy with- you can find him. But dont settle on someone you dont trust and who sneaks around just because you have been with hiim for a while and it is comfortable. Comfortable does not necessarily equal good.

Best of luck.

Ok so im gonna be homeschooled and i heard that there are online virtual schools that are free. I live in Georgia and i really need to find one that is free and and can teach high school. Please PLEASE help me. This is really important. Thanks in advance! (link)
There are a number of options. I live in Ohio and homeschooled my son until this year.

One option in Ohio that is great and I know several people who have used them and swear by them is Ohio Virtual Academy. I did a google search and apparently GA has the same thing. Georgia Virtual Academy's website appears identical to Ohio's so I assume it is the same thing.

The virtual academy is a charter school. It is a public school... just the classroom is your living room. You have to log on so many hours. You have online chats with a school teacher. you will have assignments due, you CAN be considered absent if you do not log on to chats and at testing times. If you miss testing times and other important dates you can face disciplinary measures... just like public school. I cannot get into the GA website without registering but what OH offers is EVERYTHING the child needs to complete the school year except the "disposable" stuff like pens, paper, ink for your printer, etc. They provide you with a computer, fax machine, science stuff like microscopes, etc... everything you need. These items are not yours to keep. They must be returned when you either leave the virtual academy or when they update things and send you new stuff you have to return the old stuff. You are given funds to help out with certain costs. For example, they give you a refund on your high speed internet access... a certain percentage anyway. Once you have met certain attendence requirements they have a certain formula for reimbursing you for field trips... literally everything you get in public school you get with the VA because they ARE a public school, just charter.

Again, I cannot tell you with 100 % certainty about GA because I cannot access the website without registering but the main page looks just like Ohio's. homeschooling&gclid=CMe409OJ7KMCFVjW5wodVkfl2w

There is another great option for Ohio which is OHDELA. This stands for Ohio Distance and Electronic Learning Academy. This is available in PA, CO, and other states but I do not immediately see it in GA.

Try a google search for Georgia Homeschooling. There are a number of options that pop up including Home schooling support groups who might have suggestions.

there are options and we loved homeschooling. May go back to it in the future. It is only the end of the 2nd week of school here but things are going great so far. But as a previous homeschooling parent I know all too well there is most CERTAINLY a plan B for education and would go back to it in a heartbeat if things werent going as well as they are so far.

Best of luck.

hi im 15 years old and i have being seeing this whitish clear slimy discharge coming out of my vagina.i have being seeing this from i was 13 or 14 and i don't even know what is going on with me am i sick are something.and it never stop what should i do. i want to tell my mom but she is going to think im having sex but im not help? (link)
This is actually a sign of your ovulation cycle. It is referred to as cervical mucous and it is completely normal and absolutely ok to talk to mom about.

Many women use this as a tool to get pregnant. Generally the way it works is you have your period. Once it is over you begin to have a clear, sticky discharge. Eventually (around 2 weeks after your period) this discharge may become less sticky and more... pliable in that IF you were to actually hold it between your fingers or using toilet paper it would string out a good 6+ inches without breaking. It is usually the most prolific and the most pliable during the 24 to 48 hours that you are ovulating. You will continue to have the thick discharge, though possibly less in amount until you start your period again and thus eliminating the unfertalized egg.

Here is a link to a website that gives a tremendous amount of detail regarding your menstrual cycle if you are interested. Some of it you may find boring but if you skim over it, you may find bits and pieces that will sort of fill in the blanks of things you may have never been taught.

You are normal. You are not in trouble. Talk to mom.

I am worried about the egg recall. My family eats a LOT of eggs since we bake all our own bread and deserts and have full breakfasts every morning.

The news reports have us really scared.

Can anyone explain it to me in simple terms?

Thank you!

Peggy. (That's right, there is even an egg in my name! LOL!) (link)
I am probably the wrong person to give you advice on this one since I tend to think the media should be tarred and feathered for most of their mass panic exploits... However... You sound concerned and I am going to put my 2 cents in here...

Salmonella is dangerous and no one wants to get it. It can be fatal, especially on certain types of people (old, young, suppressed immune system).

You need to practice clean and safe food handling and if you know for certain you have an affected lot of eggs, return them (or do whatever the instructions are for this recall).

Generally speaking, however, the salmonella is going to be on the outside of the shell. Therefore when you touch the shell, your hands are now contaminated and should be carefully washed. If you cook eggs so that the yolk is still runny, there is a chance that the egg touched the shell on the way into the frying pan and the yolk could be contaminated.

However- cooking kills the salmonella. Heat over 140*F kills salmonella. Therefore, if you are baking bread or cakes, or if you make scrambled eggs, you should be ok whether the eggs are infected or not. Just be absolutely certain that once you break all the eggs and get them into the mix, the pan, whatever you wash your hands thoroughly to prevent cross contamination.

And no tasting that cookie dough until you have a fully baked cookie.

Be aware of the problem, take precautions, and return eggs if you know for sure they are infected. but do NOT stop baking that yummy homemade bread. The news is really good at causing panic.

I have a club at school that I am president of & this is my junior year in highschool, its the Breast Cancer Awareness Club, I would like to know of any ideas the school can do to raise money and awareness without the actual school having to raise the money because we cant do that, also any ideas for the shirts? Guys and girls go to the school and out school mascot is an eagle, thank you in advance! (link)
Have you tried going to National Breast Cancer Foundation, Inc.? Their website has a "fundraising" link where you can fill out some information and they will mail you information and materials regarding fundraising. They may... "expect" some of your earned funds to come to their company. This may or may not be ok with you. If they do not "require" you send them the funds then you could do with the money whatever it is that your group does with the money... but either way, it might be a nice place to get some information and ideas.

There is also a website that helps give fundraising ideas...

I was involved with a "feed the children" thing last year and I just on a whim decided to make some off the wall phone calls. I didnt expect anyone to get back to me. I was kind of just having fun with the planning. Believe it or not, the local news paper picked up on it and free of charge put a little article in the paper advertising it, the fire department showed up in conjunction with our "feed the children" to pass out fire safety things like pencils, stickers, erasers and such to the kids who showed up and let the kids look around the fire trucks... and our mayor even made an appearance to show his support!!!! Call famous people. I don't necessarily mean George Clooney but perhaps local celebrities, government people, public service people... or even try to contact singers or actors!! You just never know who might see your request for "help" with your fundraiser. Granted Extreme Makeover Home Edition is a popular tv show but they get famous singers and actors to help them. Its a long shot but... this is BREAST CANCER and EVERYONE is affected by this.

My last suggestion is to discuss with the principal allowing occasional "behavior" that is not otherwise permitted. For example, I was the organizer for charity events when I worked for a privately owned pharmacy. Our dress code was scrubs. With the help of the March of Dimes organization (they help educate women on the ins and outs of conceiving and carrying healthy babies to term) we began doing a "blue jeans for babies" day. The first monday of the month (our busiest day of the month) we were allowed to wear blue jeans that day to work. BUT if we wore blue jeans, we had to pay $5. The customers caught on that everyone was wearing blue jeans and asked about it. THEY contributed on those days as well.

I don't know how much help this is but hopefully it at least gets some creative juices flowing.

Good luck with this and good for you to be involved with something so remarkably good.

Allergies towards sperm is possible. I need someone who actually knows this....If someone is allergic to sperm, do they have a better chance of having a miscarriage? if someone is allergic to sperm, does that mean their body will react badly to fertilization ? please help (link)
I dont really have anything to add that your previous poster didnt go over... I just wanted to give you a link to a website that really goes over sperm allergy and pregnancy really well.

I dont know what to do, my brother doesnt listen to me or my mom. He says that hes not doing anything, but my family knows he is. He brings drugs in and out of the house at night. MY nephew found a bag of weed in the kitchen one day, my brother also lets my cousin come into his room and count drug money. My brother hangs out with this big gang of bad people. They have guns, do drugs and sell them, one of his friends even raped a girl. Im scared that my brother might get killed one day because he hangs out with them and drives around with them. My brothers three friends got killed in a car, the car was shot up. The same person that killed these 3 people, The guy hasnt been caught. but people are saying they know he killed those people. shot my other cousin in the foot, while he was actually trying to kill my cousin. My other cousin just got out of a jail and when he first got out he acted good, now hes back in thesame neighborhood, hanging with the same people that got him locked up, he was hiding a couple of days ago from the guy that shot him in the foot a year ago ( the same guy that killed those 3 people). My cousin lives with my grandma, hes 18 and he just wants to live a bad life. Im scared he might get killed by that guy, or someone will shoot my brother when hes with his friends. My brother wont listen to my mom, hes 21 yrs old and has no job and hes dealing drugs, my cousin is doing the same thing my brother is. I even heard my cousin and his friends beat up someone so bad that the guy he beat up is on life support and the police are looking for them. They think because they are grown no one can tell them what to do, but they still live at home. MY grandma is scared someone will come to our house one day and shoot up our house because of our brother. The police our calling my house the heroine house and they said they are watching our house.Im scared one day they will raid our house and my mom gets into trouble for what my borther is doing. My mom does not do drugs. MY cousin sells and they wont listen. They might get killed or get us into trouble, but my mom doesnt wanna kick him out. She keeps telling my brother she wants him to leave, but he wont. He even got into a fight with my dad and my dad told him to get out, but he said he wasnt going anywhere. How do I get them to listen to me, my grandma or my mom?
This is one of the most serious posts I have seen here on advicenators.

How do you get them to listen to you or mom? You dont. Their drug use does not allow them to think like normal human beings and therefore you are not able to do anything yourself.

There are a few steps you MUST take or you will NEVER rid yourself of this problem or be able to save your brother.

#1. Your mother needs to become super mother. She has been ignoring... allowing this to go on. She is an enabler. If she allows this to continue in her home she is telling your brother she doesnt mind what he is doing. You can start by visiting a website. It is a federal program designed to help families save their addicted loved ones. It is a "partnership for a drug free america" and the website is:

One of the first things you will see at this website is a link to "time to talk" which will take you to This is a great place to start.

Your situation has already escalated to the point of guns, murder, rape, etc. You do not have time to waste.

You should not be afraid to go to the police. Your brother is no longer your brother. The drug is talking FOR him. It does not matter what comes out of his mouth- it is all lies, hallucinations, etc. and should not be listened to.

He needs a smack in the face like being forced into rehab or else mom WILL turn him in and if he does not like this he will not only be turned in but thrown out of the house. If he chooses not to get help his friends should be turned in, lists of people and places should be given to authorities, his room should be raided, computer confiscated, locks on the house changed. He should have one option: Getting sober. If he does not choose this option then he is no longer allowed to be "a part of the family" or to reside in the home.

You and your family cannot and SHOULD NOT do this on your own. This has become much too dangerous a situation. If approached by you or mom or dad, your brother could begin to feel threatened and because he is under the influence, you do not know him or what he could do. He has a... "demon" inside him that needs to be "exercised" so to speak.

If/when your family decides to pursue this- it needs to be done without anger. Everything that comes out of your mouths needs to be said with love. You need to swallow all of your aggravation with him and let him know you are doing this because you love him, not to hurt him. You want your brother back.

I do not know all of the laws surrounding this situation but I could see the possibility of your parents getting into some sort of trouble if there has to be a raid. However, IF your parents go to the police letting them know there is a problem and they need help, the police should have information on services to help you and they will know up front that your parents want the help rather than being personally involved with the drug dealing.

This is NOT going to be easy. This is why it is essential that you get professional help from a rehab facility, intervention specialist (you can google "intervention specialist" for more information). There is also a reality show on A&E called "Intervention". The link is below. I mention this for a couple of reasons. The first is if you have no experience with this type of thing you could watch the show to see what they do and get an idea of how it works. The second is that their interventionists are terriffic and should you be intreseted in going this route- you could apply to use one of their interventionists. The downside could be that you may end up on the show and this may not be something you want.

Go to the police. Speak with a rehab. This is going to cost money but they have services to help families is there is a financial hardship. Speak to an intervention specialist. This is your brother's life, your life, mom's, dad's, and grandma's life. You all deserve to have your brother "normal" again but you can NOT do this on your own. It is bigger than your whole family put together.

FInally there is another government website you can visit for help as well as the drug free america website mentioned earlier:

This is going to be the hardest thing you ever do and a major fight to save your brother's life. But in a few months/years if you can "get him back" it will all be worth it. Swallow your fear. Swallow your anger. Get Mom and Dad to save the lives of your entire family. That gang that your brother is involved in could turn on your brother. This has to stop HERE and NOW.

I wish you the absolute BEST of luck.

read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>

eXTReMe Tracker