Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom? (link)
You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT in keeping your daughter in your home.
The history that you just gave me sounds almost exactly like my life with a few minor detail changes; I was Alyssa. My mother was not on drugs but was an alcoholic. She started out with custody of me but when I nearly ended up in foster care my dad and grandparents swooped in and saved my life. While I was still in my teens my mother ended up marrying a man who a few years later was imprisoned for child molestation. My mother asked me when I turned 12 to return to her care. I had been living with my dad for over a year and was able to recognize that her lifestyle was less than desirable and chose to stay with my dad.
Because I was raised by my dad and grandparents my life has turned out quite lovely. I live in a very nice community, am an active member of a large church, have many respectable friends, have been married to a great man for almost 13 years and we have 3 awesome kids together. My husband is a professional with a master's degree and I am on the road to finishing my degree in nursing. If I had been raised by... THAT woman I cannot bear to think too hard about what my life could have turned out to be.
To this day my mother wants to have a relationship with my own kids. I look at it this way: If my mother was a stranger, or aquaintence even would I want her low-life, immoral, alcoholic self being a huge influence on my kids? No! So why would I let her be that influence just because she was my personal human incubator? She was never a mother to me. She did not teach me to love and have respect and be a productive member or society. It was my grandma who did that. The only lessons my mother taught me were the hard ones.
Your ex-wife should not get any more than an occasional supervised visit with your kids. You should have very open conversations with your kids (they are old enough now) allowing them to ask questinos and give them complete honest answers. This will help build trust and understanding between you and as they get older and more mature they will better understand who their mother is and what she is all about.
I was devastated when removed from my mom's care. I went into a terrible depression, cried all the time, and even suffered symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder at the age of 9 to 10. I have only about 5 memories of those 15 months of my life. Your daughter may be upset initially at not living with mom or seeing her too often or whatever your personal situation becomes. But as a survivor of that type of situation I can tell you that your daughter's quality of life will likely be much better the less influence her mother has on her.
Assuming your ex wife is in fact sober- good for her. But the fact that she is trying to control your kids by telling lies and spreading rumors means that she still has not grown up. She should be made clear that unless she can become more mature than the children- she cannot continue to have regular contact with them. Your kids are at ages (their teens) when they need to have intelligent, reliable, mature, "healthy" adults steering them through these hormonally emotional times. Not a woman who has never developed a firm grasp on reality telling childish lies to, under false pretenses, control others into doing what she wants done.
Your daughter may get sad and confused. This is going to have an affect on her for years to come. The best thing for her is to learn to make the adjustment with having a step mother. Especially if what you said is accurate- that your fiance is a great lady and will make a great mom. I had my grandma. That was the best thing ever. She died almost 5 years ago and that has been incredibly difficult as my "mom" is no longer around to give me advice and recipes and play with my kids and go shopping like we used to do. If your daughter can form a bond with your new wife she will be much better off than ANYTHING she would get with her own mother.
So your main question "am i right to NOT let my daughter move in with her mom?" You are 110% correct. You should NOT let her move. You should protect her FROM her mother and do not give in. You have been a great dad to her for all these years and you are all she needs- with perhaps a little extra love and support from your new wife. Keep the incubator out of it.
And feel free to contact me if you need to discuss anything else regarding this situation.
I'm a first time mom and I feel so lost. I have no idea if and when my baby is hungry. :( and I feel like such a terrible mother.|
My baby is 7 weeks old, and he will breastfeed for around 10 minutes. and then come off and latch back on. but once he latches back on he just cries and cries. so i feel like maybe hes still hungry but hes just not getting enough from me. If i give him his pacifier though he happily sucks it. but then i feel guilty thinking well maybe hes sucking it because hes hungry.
I just would like a straightforward answer as to how to know when my baby is hungry and how to know when hes full and just crying for the sake of crying.
because now whats happening is he'll cry and i'll check his diaper..and its fine. and then try to feed him and he will latch on.. i dont have to coax him. but once hes latched on he starts to scream.
PLEASE please please someone help me! (link)
The "simple" answer to if your baby is hungry is- if he is crying and you try to feed him, he will eat until he is satisfied. Then he will let go. If he still needs to suckle, a pacifier is perfectly adequate and you do not need to let him suckle on you until your breasts are sore. Let him eat and then let him have a pacifier. Babies have a natural need to suckle and this does not equal hunger. So pacifiers are okay.
However, as I am sure you have learned, babies are not simple. Now, let me start by saying that all babies like all adults are different. There are "rules" but then there are exceptions to every rule so what I say next may or may not apply to you.
What concerns me is you said he will latch on and then start to scream. This could suggest a few things that you may need to discuss with your pediatrician. 1. He may have acid reflux. 2. Colic. 3. Some sort of lactose intolerance or milk protein allergy.
I have three children ranging from 5 1/2 years to 11 months. It has been my personal experience that my children never cried "for the sake of crying". It is an old wives tale that babies cry to "practice using their lungs". That was what we heard when I was a kid. When babies are content and have what they need, they generally don't cry (until they are a little older and are not getting their way or are just being ornery... but at 7 weeks this is not usually a problem).
Your pediatrician should be kept informed of all of this. They can do a very easy test to see if he is getting enough to eat by simply having frequent weights. If your baby is gaining weight appropriately, he is getting enough to eat. If he is uncomfortable, however, there may be other tests they need to do to see if there is a problem such as those I mentioned above.
Above all else, remember that you are NOT a terrible mother. You are clearly a very loving concerned mother who just wants to do the best by her baby- which is what WONDERFUL mothers do.
Things get a little easier in the coming weeks. When my oldest was born I had never even held a newborn, let alone all of the "mothering" stuff. I also did not grow up with a "mother" so I didn't have anything to draw from. I spent a LOT of time feeling inadequate and less than the other mothers I saw who seemed to know exactly how its done! You'll get there. It may just take a few months (or a year or two haha).
One extra little side thought... I don't know exactly what you are feeling but you mentioned you feel like a terrible mother, and you do seem a bit overwhelmed. Don't forget to take a little care of yourself too. If you are feeling extraordinarily upset or "down", you may want to mention this to your own doctor. You may need a little pick me up for potential post partum depression (PPD). I had it with all 3 of mine. You may not have this but if you do and if you get help, you will be an even better mother because of it.
Best of luck, and HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!!! :)
Hi, I'm 17 and think I may be pregnant. I'm not sure yet so I am scheduling an appointment soon for the doctors. I was with my boyfriend for two years and September 2nd was the last time we had sex. I had my period September 11th and it was a regular flow-no 'spotting'. Now I'm not even sure if it was my period because I feel sick liked I've caught something, have gained a little weight-but that could be diet related, and my stomache feels chubby even when I flex it-its like jiggly and mushy feeling(so wierd).|
Me and my ex are no longer together and live 300 miles away from eachother, and don't speak much but still love eachother deep down- yet I have no intention of being back with him. I'm scared I may be pregnant but am not sure and although I'm waiting to see a doctor I'm still freaking out! I should be graduating my last year of highschool this year early and moving on with my life... But does that include a child?
What I want to know is if that stomache jiggly/fat thing is a pregnancy symptom or if it is... Should I be seeing this now? I've only noticed it THIS last week.
& If I find out I AM pregnant do you have any suggestions on what I should do...(Keep it, abortion,adopt..ETC.)???
I don't care much if it's constructive criticism, as long as its a true opinion. All I'm asking for is your suggestion because I am still young, but yet could regret this for the rest of my life and have a guilty concious.
Please answer HONESTLY.
Your mushy/jiggly thing is not a baby. Your belly actually does not start to change size until around 12 weeks and even then, even though it is getting larger, it gets harder! Not mushy and jiggly. The reason is it is your uterus that is pushing up against your abdominal wall and your abdomen gradually gets tighter and tighter as it grows.
I definitely agree with your other answers that you need to take a test. They are over 99% accurate and only take 5 minutes!
As far as what you should do if you are pregnant... that is something you need to discuss with your parents. This can be hard... EXTREMELY hard because of what you are admitting to them. 1. You are not a virgin. 2. You were not as careful as you should have been. 3. Pregnancy is only one of many concerns. You could have an STD that have no symptoms.
I do not believe in abortion as a form of birth control. That is why we have pills and condoms and abstinence. But adoption would be a beautiful gift for a couple who cannot have a child.
Last but not least... use this scare as a lesson. This is an incredibly unpopular viewpoint but it is what I was taught and it is what I teach my own kids... Respect yourself enough to wait until you are ABSOLUTELY ready... meaning out of high school, out of college... engaged... possibly married before you have sex. The truth is sex was designed a LONG time ago for the soul purupose of reproduction and therefore... women get pregnant when they have sex. If you dont like the side affects you should avoid it.
Does the amount of times the guy ejulactulates determine the ammount of kids? like if he only does once you will have one kid..if he does twice you will have twins/2 kids etc..|
thanks =D (link)
I see you have already received some great answers, quite complete too! I just want to add a thought to this...
A man does not actually have to "ejaculate" for you to get pregnant. Many couples try to use a "pull out" method where the man pulls out before ejaculating (during an orgasm). This does not always work. The reason is there is a pre-ejaculate fluid that comes out first, even before an orgasm. It is to clear the penis of any urine. Urine is deadly to sperm. Pre-ejaculate contains sperm. Therefore, even if a man pulls out before orgasm and does not acutally ejaculate, he could have already released his pre-ejaculate depositing MORE than enough sperm to get the lady pregnant. Remember, it takes only 1 sperm. A teaspoon of sperm contains MILLIONS of sperm.
One last little thought... It is extremely uncommon (possibly impossible???) for a man to have multiple orgasms just given the nature of how their organs work. A man ejaculates once with each orgasm and then has to "take a coffee break" before he can go again. Therefore, if he has an orgasm and ejaculates, he needs to stop for a while and if he deposited just one sperm which fertilized the egg, the egg immediately shuts itself down to recieve any more sperm. The job is done.