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My girlfriend and me have been doing it for a few weeks. I notice she is really scared of me finishing in her. It's weird because she says not to at least 2 or 3 times every time. I really kind of want to do it anyway but I think she'd just freak out all over the place over it. What should I do about this? How risky is it anyway? She seems to think she could get pregnant instantly and I keep telling her that one time isn't going to knock her up.
Not to be blunt, but you really have no clue about the female anatomy and how it works. LOL! One time CAN and HAS gotten a women pregnant. There are alot of factors to pregnancy, that I guess I can't expect a man to understand, but as long as she is ovulating or right before she does, which can last 7 days or longer, she can become pregnant. Not to mention, when a women ovulates can change each month depending on how regular her cycle is. Stop being so selfish about wanting to "cum in her". You need to respect her wishes and stop thinking about those last couple seconds of pleasure, and imagine the pain she would go through of 9 months of pregnancy and a lifetime with a child. Her life would be changed forever if she had a child, so her being nervous about getting pregnant is completely legitimate. And you should be understanding of that.
I was friends with this woman who was married and always flirting.I flirted back,thought it was a game,and nothing ever happened between us,even though she said she wanted to.Well,long story short,I was in the hospital for a lung infection overnight.While I was gone,she sent,like 4 e mails,all talking about how her husband ran marathons for some mega-corporation,knowing I was in the hospital.She didn't say anything about how she hoped I would get better.Also,I think she is a swinger.I stopped talking to her..Do I need a friend like this? What makes a person be like this,and what happens to them? Now she is stalking me.
She is probably not happy with her relationship. Her and her husband have probably agreed to stay together for whatever reasons, like having a house, financial situation, etc. But have agreed to live an open relationship, where they can go outside their marital vows of staying true to one another. Regardless as to the reasons why she might be a swinger, or maybe she is just a cheating wife.. Either way, that type of women should not be someone you want to be involved with as a friend and especially anything more. She sounds like nothing but trouble. And also a thing to consider, she might take your flirting back and "thinking it is a game" as you being legitimatly interested in her and that is why she is sending you these emails and supposedly "stalking" you. If you want her to leave you alone, tell her too and STOP flirting with her. It is not nice to toy with someone's emotions.
so my boyfriend and i have been going out for about three months and on friday he tells me that he's going out with friends for the weekend so he thinks something is gonna happen( meaning he might mess around with another chick) and he says if anything happens he will be honest with me about it so i'm like wtf is he being honest saying he cares or is he just taking me for granted
please help
It sounds like he might cheat on you someday. If he really cares about you he would not put himself in any position that might jeopardize your relationship. And he just blatantly went out and acknowledged that he knows something might happen, which shows that he truly believes he might cheat and wants you to think he is honest about it, which I truly believe that is his tactic of making you think he is honest and truthful, by saying "he will tell you if something happens". When I truly believe if he sleeps with another girl he won't tell you, and his response if you question him will be, " I told you I would tell you the truth if it did happen, baby..." It's a clever tactic to make you feel like he is being truthful. Beware of this guy. He seems like a player. Don't put up with that. You deserve a guy that appreciates what he has and doesn't go out and prepare to cheat on you. Screw him hun, and don't waste anymore time on this loser!
My girlfriend is really pretty and we've been dating for 4 months. Before we started actually dating she told me about her passed and that she's hooked up with a lot of guys. She told me that it was "more than a dozen" guys she's had sex with before. I love her though and I told her it didn't matter and I loved her anyways. Well, lately she is been hanging out with these groups of guys. I know for a fact she's had sex with some of the guys more than once because she told me that before. I told her that it hurt me she was spending time with these guys that used her and she told me that it makes her happy to be able to spend time with these guys. I'm really actually getting mad because I'm hurt by all this and she doesn't understand what it's like to hear her laughing on the phone when they're out and me not knowing if she's REALLY safe from these creeps. I want her to have friends, boys and girls, but not the people who she has had sex with? especially that this one guy she keeps hanging out with told me (at school lunch break) he's been having sex with her when they get together. I don't believe him but I do think he's been hitting on her and that pisses me off that she lets that go on.
What do i do about this mess?
I will be brutally honest with you. I have been there from a girl's stand point. My ex 5 years ago was hanging out with a lot of girls from his school and taking them out to lunch, some of which, he had admitted to having sex with before we dated. So when I started hearing rumors that on his lunch breaks he was having random "friends" over and they were having sex. I didn't want to believe it and made excuses for his actions. The same excuses you just used.. "Those people are just trying to break us up..", " It can't be true because they are hitting on her.." If you are making excuses for her actions and these rumors then the sad truth of it, is that it probably is true. I, unfortunately, kept myself blind to my ex's actions by making up these ridiculous reasons to make myself feel better about the situation, when deep down inside, I really thought it could be true. And 2 and half years later I married that guy only to find out a month after that, that he had gotten 2 girls pregnant. I divorced him when I found out and when we talked after I filed the papers he told me everything he had lied to me about for the past 2 and half years, including the fact that he cheated on me almost every other day with several girls he was "friends" with during his lunch breaks at school.
Moral to my story is this: I wasted 2 and a half years with a guy who never cared about me because he was always cheating, when I could have just left him after 6 months when I heard these rumors and found someone 10 times better!
I believe she is cheating on you. If she has the nerve and disrespect to hang out with all these guys when she has had sex with them and knows that it makes you upset, then she is selfish and really doesn't care about you. You cannot be friends with a guy/girl that you have had sex with. Sorry, but you just can't. Friends are strictly platonic. That is what defines friends and a boyfriend/girlfriend. And I might also add, that she probably doesn't care much about herself either because she has slept with a large amount of guys. Girls that sleep around alot have very low self confidence and sleeping around makes them feel like guys like them and helps boost this insecurity. So that is another reason why she likes hanging with these guys regardless of how you feel about them hitting on her. She wants to feel attractive and likes the fact that these guys are hitting on her and showing interest.
I really am sorry about how honest this is, but you have been with her 4 months and I really would hate to see you waste a year, or two years with a girl that doesn't care enough about herself, let alone, enough about you. Best of luck and I really hope you take what I say to heart. If you have anymore questions about this or anything else feel free to message my inbox.
Ok, so the story is that I live on a military base because of my dad. While I'm out here, I met a marine that I like a lot, and he likes me. Unfortunately, it's not exactly...allowed for us to be together. He's not the kind that is only interested in me for sex, especially since he hasn't gotten any and it's been two months. But since it's against the rules, he refuses to ask me to be his girlfriend, even if we keep it secret. He says it's so that if people ask me if I'm with him, I can honestly say "no." At least for the next two months, which is when I turn 18. I want him to be mine, which he says he is, and I believe him, but that title is important to me. Should I tell him that it's either all or nothing? Or that I should wait until I'm 18, and see how it plays out. Help please >.
This is hard to answer because he could be stringing you along. But you say that you truly believe he is interested in you as a person and not for sex (which in all honesty I suggest you keep things platonic and not sexual until you are 18 for his sake and also to ensure that his interest in you is legitimate.) If you really feel that he isn't just stringing you along and not be honest about his feelings, then I would make him wait until you are 18 and then bring it up again. If you are 18 there will be nothing left for him to say as a reason why you guys cannot be together. And in 2 months he still doesn't want to make it official then he wasn't being totally honest with you as to why he wasn't wanting to date you in the first place. I really believe he is just not trying to jeopardize his career and getting in trouble legally, so if you really care about this guy and are willing to put your heart on the line for 2 more months, then just wait it out and see what happens when you turn 18. He may also want to wait a little bit after you turn 18 so it doesn't seem so suspicious that as soon as you turn 18 you both are dating out of nowhere. So just try to consider those reasons first and good luck!
20F.
I seem to have the worst luck with guys. When I meet a guy that I think will work out for once, we hang out for a couple weeks and then things just basically die. Like neither of us will text or call each other and then basically that's the end of it. I think it may be because I never text the guys, so maybe then they just feel like I'm not interested? But don't you think it goes both ways, they could text me too? Do guys text or call girls first? It seems as though the guys I always like don't ..does this mean there not good guys? I just always feel annoying texting or calling guys first I probably shouldn't feel that way? Maybe I don't make an effort, but I feel like they don't either. I don't know any suggestions, this has happened with the past 3 guys. I'm a pretty girl with a great personality, I know how to keep a convo, I'm not cocky but I am confident in myself, I'm not annoying or clingy. I don't know what my problem is..maybe it is the communication. Any views?
This is a tough question to answer because there are many reasons why guys don't text or call back. It depends on each individual guy and the situations you were in with them. In general though, I think that after hanging out with a guy you really like, you may want to wait until late afternoon the next day or the day after that to text a guy. That shows that you aren't too eager, but that you are definitely interested. Every guy is different so in regards to them not texting you back, it doesn't mean they aren't interested in you. They may be trying to feel out how you feel about them by playing the waiting game with you too. And all the while, you both are waiting on the other person to text. And when neither of you bite the bullet and go for it, you both assume the other is not interested and move on. Normally I would expect a guy to text me first, but depending on how confident and interested you are in the guy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with texting him first. From there, analyze how the conversation goes. Is he sounding interested, or are his texts short and brief? This is not full proof because some guys just don't like to text or may be busy at the time, but if you are getting short responses like "k, idk, ya..." then I would assume he may not be interested. So from there, stop texting and let the guy make the next move. Also, if you are outgoing and pretty you may intimidate the guys you talk to, so they might be nervous to make the next move. So that is something you should consider also. Hope I helped you and if you have anymore questions about this or anything else feel free to message me :)
Yes, I know I'm stupid, Yes, I know it's illegal but I don't care!
I been talking to Gio, Hes 19, I'm 14.
When my sister was 15 she was dating an 18 year old. My mom gave her an okay for it. But one night my dad caught him in her room. So he called the cops. He had no idea my mom gave her an okay. So when a cop came, He talked to the guy and talked to my sister and they couldn't do anything because my sister wouldn't say if they had sex or not and because my mom said it was okay for them to be together!
So nothing happenedd.
Now i'm in the position where I'm messing with a 19 year old.
He thinks he could get in trouble for being with me though!
i want to convince him that he can't get in trouble.
When he was telling me all this stuff about how much he likes me and wants to be with me but he cant because he could get in trouble, I just stayed quiet and didnt say anything. But the whole night i was with him i couldn't stop thinking about how he can't get into any kind of trouble if its okay with my parents!
I'm confusedd, Should i explain to him or what?
Okay you are a very immature,although that does not surprise considering you are 14 years old, but that is besides the point. Having sexual contact with anyone under the age of 18 IS AGAINST THE LAW. He is correct to not want to be involved with you anymore, although he should have drawn that line before having sex with you in the first place, so shame on him for that! Your young little mind might be too cluttered with small insignificant things like boys and school, but this man is 19 years old. He probably has a job, possibly considering college, trying to get out on his own and get his own place if he hasn't already. Those are REAL world problems. And guess what goes along with those real world problems? Making sure that those important things do not get jeopardized. If he is caught having any sexual contact with you, regardless of what your stupid parents say (and shame on them for allowing you at such a young age to have such contact with an older person), then he WILL go to jail for 3 to 5 years and be put on the National Sex Offenders List which will ensure that he will not be able to get a decent paying job or possibly any job for that matter for 20 years or so... So Hmmm... Why don't you look at it from his stand point. Have sex with an immature 14 year old and go to jail for 5 years and be listed as a sex predator and be jobless with no money for 20 years, OR Stop having sex with a 14 year old and find someone over the age of 18 and have a good job and nice place to live...? Wow... That's a tough one.. lol! Grow up and stop posting this stupid question because you WILL get the same answer from everyone. Shame on your parents for allowing you to have sex at such a young age and shame on you for being so selfish and immature that you can't even realize the reprocussions from this kind of nonsense.
I am trying to redecorate my room and I want to find a dresser where I can store my clothes and put a TV in it (not on top of it - don't have room on wall).
I am looking for a dresser like this: http://picklemedia1.scrippsnetworks.com/pickle_media1/media/HGTV/100626/Photo_Video_51643126233638724095486_medium.jpg?0 - notice that the TV is hidden behind the two cabinet doors on the top of the dresser. Where might I find one of these and what would it be called (only thing I can think of is TV dresser, I guess).
I know that a lot of hotels have them in hotel rooms - the kind where they have tons of drawers in the dresser and then you can pull the TV out on a board from inside the dresser itself. Like this: http://woodworksofcs.com/images/log%20dresser%20with%20tv%20in%20out%20position.JPG
What you are looking for is a TV Armoire with cabinet storage below. There are many options for these online. You can also go to a local furniture store and see what they have. Also, it maybe cheaper to use a piece of furniture, say a TV Armoire without the cabinets below. I noticed there are alot more cheaper options if you purchase a TV Armoire without the cabinet space below. This cheaper option still allows storage for clothing. The only difference is that when you sliding the cabinet drawers back not only would your TV be exposed but also your clothing. So it just all depends which look you are going for. Here are some links I found for these. I am not quite sure which style you are looking for but here are several options.
http://www.hotelsurplus.com/arm_dressers.html
http://www.jcpenney.com/products/C040672.jsp
I have been teasing my boyfriend through texts and when we're together about sex. We've been sexting for a few weeks and talking dirty for awhile too. I guess I just thought it was cool to get him all hard and turned on wanting me. I told him we could totally have sex this weekend when we were talking about stuff and I was thinking. My parents are gone for all of saturday and part of sunday and he knows it. The truth is I really don't want to lose my virginity yet. He's all worked up over it and even told me he's bought condoms today for this weekend together. How do I tell him I'm really not ready to start having sex? We're both 17 if it matters.
If you are not ready then be honest with him. Before Saturday comes either in person or through text, just tell him that you can't wait for this weekend and maybe sext him about doing something other than actual sexual intercourse, maybe like doing oral with something different than you guys normally would do to still make the weekend special and different. I am sure you guys have messed around before but have just not had sex yet, so just make messing around different, by using edible things, warm water, etc. If you are a virgin he should understand how important that is for you to be ready. So try to casually play it down a little bit and not let the sexting get too carried out, especially if he is sexually active. He will just feel like you are being a tease and that can really be offensive because he might feel like you are playing games with him. Then when Saturday comes and you are in the moment just be sure to say you don't feel ready yet, BUT you have something even better in mind. And there you go, you guys get to fool around and have a great time, he gets to try some new stuff with you even if it isn't sex, and you are able to avoid feeling pressured into having sex. After this weekend though, I do highly suggest that you tone down the sexting until you are ready for sex. It is not nice to toy with someone's sexual emotions if you are really not ready to fulfill them.
I am dating this one girl and have been for like 2 years now. She's been a good girl and I love her a lot. The problem is that when we first had sex like 6 months into the relationship she told me she was a virgin. It was and is important to me. And then today I was kidding around with her about she ended up saying she had gave a few guys head and had anal once or twice before me and her got together. Now to me that means she wasn't a complete virgin and it makes me really upset. Im so hurt. I really don't know what to do. I was a virgin before her and it was important to me that she be one too. I know I can't change her past but she flat out lied to me. She knew what I meant by asking if she was a virgin and she kept it from me. Should i brake up with her now? i don't think i can get over this lie. She should have just told me the truth and been honest.
Honesty is very important in a relationship and that is understandable to feel hurt and betrayed. You feel like you have doubts now on other questions you might have asked her that she might have lied to you about possibly too. But do not let one lie affect an entire relationship.
It is bad that she lied, but look at the full picture and not just this one small issue. She WAS honest now and told you the truth. And that is what should really matter. Let me throw a scenario at your from my personal experience.
A friend on mine began dating a guy and after 5 months, they began having sex. Before they had sex they started discussing their sex partners and such. At one point he asked her if she had ever done anal. She lied and said no. He eventually found out about her lie from other people 6 months later, and they got in a huge fight over it that almost broke them up. After a couple months of constant fighting and bickering they broke up after her finding out she was pregnant. They decided being together would be too stressful on the baby because all they did was fight, since he could not let her lie go and constantly accused her of hiding things and being dishonest. Now fast forward two years, and they are back together and very happy. Now those two years they spent apart instead of being together was all caused over one stupid lie and their lack of communicating to fix that issue and move on from it. When I asked her why she lied her response was typical of most women/men that lie about sexual experiences: "I was new to the relationship and I knew if I told him I did anal he would probably think I was a slut because that is what most people think of when girls do that, right?" And honestly, she was right. People tend to judge others on their sexual experiences, especially women, so a lot of women lie about their partners and experiences to avoid this (I am not saying it is okay to lie, but I am explaining the reasoning behind it.)
What my friend and her now husband did was communicate with eachother and understand eachothers fears and problems with the lie. They put the past behind them. They were mature enough to address the lie, understand the reasoning behind it, put the real truth on the table, and then put it in their past.
If you really love her then I really think you need to sit her down and explain how you feel and why you feel that way. Then find out why she lied in the beginning and ask about the real truth. Don't turn it into a fight. TALK about it. And after discussing it and understanding her reasoning and learning the truth, agree to have both of you let it go and move on. There is not point dwelling in the past, because if you do, you can never move on to the future. Hope I helped and if you have anymore questions about this or anything else, feel free to message my inbox :)
My dad hates my boyfriend with a passion. You can see it in his eyes every time my boyfriend comes over to pick me up. It's weird because my dad does this thing where he drills him on stuff. Like he'll ask him for his full name, his parents names, his phone number, his address, etc. etc. It's sooo annoying and stupid. How can I make this stop? My bf is irritated by it and hates coming over to pick me up. It's making things weird. I was going to see if I could spend Thanksgiving with my bfs family but my dad would totally freak out how can I get him to just chill and calm down about my boyfriend and know that my boyfriend is a GOOD guy?
Sit your dad down and talk with him. Communication is key to any good relationship, parents included! Tell your dad that you understand he is protective and wants what is best for you, but that he is going overboard! Tell him that you would love for him to sit down and actually TRY to get to know your boyfriend and maybe he would actually like him. I am assuming the reason why your dad repeatedly asks your boyfriend for this personal information is to catch him in a lie. He wants to see if his story changes from the last time he asked him. Which is ridiculous! But he is still your father and wants to make sure his little girl is safe. So if you sit down and address his possible issues with your boyfriend and then explain how it is bothering you and tell him why you love your boyfriend so much, maybe your dad will lighten up a bit. I think after your dad sits and has a NORMAL conversation with your boyfriend, then just maybe he will see that this guy is not so bad and then you can go on to asking your dad about Thanksgiving. AFTER you talk about the whole boyfriend issues first. One thing at a time :)
My gf and I just started having sex 2 months ago. She's been with 6 guys before me and all that. I can't make her cum and she said it's because my penis is too small. She wants me to make it bigger by taking the pills they sell the stores. I am only 17 and I think you have to be 18 to buy the pills. What can I do for her instead? I feel bad because she's so sure it's because my penis is too small and that's embarrassing. Shes really into having sex and if she can't get off she is really unhappy. Should I just break up with her so she can be with a guy who is bigger? I get hurt feelings because after sex every single time she goes on and on about the problem
Your girlfriend is being immature and extremely insensitive. She doesn't need a bigger penis to be satisfied. In all honesty, she probably has never orgasmed before anyway, because most girls don't even know how to get themselves comfortable enough let alone understanding what parts of sex get them aroused enough to even cum. Have you ever heard the phrase, "Size doesn't matter, it's the motion of the ocean.." That applies to this situation. Different positions can make sex one thousand times better. Try doggy style, but have her cross her legs and have her arms all the way flat. This will tighten things up for her and you and allow you to go deeper, which is generally what will make a woman orgasm. Also, be sure to try and choose positions that you can rub her clitoris at the same time while having sex. Most woman need both penetration and stimulation of their clit.
Now off the subject of sex, I suggest that you have a talk with your girlfriend and tell her you do not appreciate her saying those rude comments all the time. Explain that you are not small and would appreciate it if she stops over exaggerating and sounding like a rude bitch. Ask her how she would feel if you told her you thought her vagina was loose from the 6 penises she had before yours, and maybe that is the reason she thinks you are small. I am pretty sure if you said that, she would be VERY offended. So tell your girlfriend to get some tact and apologize and then maybe you will let her have some of your new sex moves in bed :) Hope I helped!
As you might have guessed, my girlfriend is pregnant. She's freaking out, and I'm thrilled. She's thinks about an abortion, and I want to keep it. Not the way we pictured it.
The reason she's freaking out is that I'm in the USMC, and will be deployed for all of her pregnancy and probably a lot of the child's life. In fact, I'm leaving in about a week for my latest deployment.
She's worried that if something happens to me, she couldn't handle being a single mother. But I know she could.
Don't get me wrong, I am pro-choice. But I never considered my child to be on that line. If she wants to terminate the pregnancy which she has every right to, she can do that, I doubt I could speak to her again.
I love this woman! I want to marry her! But,I am at a lost. It's her body, but my child. I feel I should have a say, but I seem to not.
(Late-teens/early-twenties couple)
Lazyconfessions
Being pregnant is a VERY hard and emotional 9 months. And going through this ride ALONE is even harder! I can tell, based on what you said, that you being in the Marines is a big part of the problem in all this. Her being away from you is hard enough. And being away from you with a child is even more scary for her. I understand you want to have this child and she doesn't. And I can understand both sides of the argument. If you love her as much as you say you do then talk about this as a couple and fully embody her reasoning. Everything changes when a child comes into this world. And it more than likely effects the relationship negatively, especially when there are separation issues and distance. You being deployed is stress on her, and will be major stress on YOUR baby too. Everything that happens with her emotionally and physically will affect your child as it is growing in her womb. If she is not ready then she should not have this child. A child is not just a cute little baby. It takes a lot of hard work and commitment, and she is scared because all of that will be on her. Waiting until you are no longer in active duty (4 years or so) will allow you and her to adjust financially for a child and allow your relationship and bond to becoming stronger. I have been a military wife to a US Marine, and that was scary enough. I could not imagine being pregnant during his deployment either. If you love her then do NOT give her an ultimatum to either keep the child or lose you. That is wrong in every way. You are fully capable of producing another beautiful son or daughter in the future. This is probably not the best time for you, her, and the unborn fetus. The stresses you can imagine experiencing in the future with your deployment and distance between you two will affect that child. So consider ALL of you, the child included, in this. Hope I helped! Best of luck and if you have anymore questions feel free to message my inbox anytime!
F-18
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I was only 15 and he was the first person that showed real interest in me. He is the only person i have dated or loved. But now we live together in our own apartment i have been living with him for almost a year now but we have only had our own apartment for about 6 months.
Within the past few months i have begun questionioning the relationship. Only because i have never been with anyone else and am wishing i could have dated around awhile before sticking with someone. I have never kissed or done anything with anyone else and all i can think about is what it would be like. I really want to try and date around for awhile before i become considered an adult and finish college. I want to be able to be a teenager and maybe go to a party or two. My boyfriend has kept me from drinking and as sweet as he is i lost alot of my friends due to that and the fact that it seems like i can't hangout with others.
up until July i could say we had an amazing relationship and loved every minute but now that i look deeper into it just because we never fight & seem to always get along doesn't mean its great. I want to go out with friends...unfortunately it seems like i only get along with guys and he won't allow me to hangout with guys. I would like to end the relationship i think just so i can stop being a shell and be the pearl i should be(got that from Katy Perry's song Pearl) i feel like i could be so much more and this relationship is holding me back from doing what i truly want to do. I don't know if i can break it off because of the fact that it has been three years and i don't want to waste it all and end up missing what i had.
I have recently befriended a guy i work with and he thinks i am awesome and i am trying to be his friend and not have to shut him out whenever he wants to hangout and play video games with me. (yes im kinda a nerd like that lol) So i have been playing video games with him and have been feeling myself pulling farther and farther away from my boyfriend unitentionally. i don't go to bed when he does anymore i just join later in the night and i don't cuddle i just sleep on my half and have the hardest time getting to sleep because all i can think about is our relationship and if its going to work.
I don't know if i can throw away 3 years of love, I'm not sure what we would do with our apartment for the next 6 months because neither of us can afford it on our own, And we bought a puppy together six months ago and im not sure who would get him. I think the main reason i havent broken it off is because of those 3 things i don't know what i would do without my pupppy.
Also we rarely ever have sex or anything virtually close to it. I cannot get turned on by him it seems almost impossible at first we would always be kissing and having fun but now it seems like we could try forever and never get me anywhere near horny enough to actually have sex comfortably. I have to force myself to do it every now and then like once every couple months which is pretty terrible.
Sorry i wrote a book but i really really need some form of advice. Please no rude comments or anything.
I talked to him the other day about it but it still doesn't seem to be okay with him that i want to hangout with people and how im feeling he doesn't understand...and the guy from work is nothing more than a friend i have yet to hangout with him i have just played games w/him and talk...about nothing i shouldn't either its purely innocent.
It seems to me that your relationship is as cold as a bag of ice. That young love you had at age 15 is now matured to it's end unfortunately. I like to say there are different stages of love. Every love you have in your life will never compare to the next. Some people meet a person when they are 15 and they stay together forever and get married and have a family. But more than likely most people experience what you are experiencing right now. You feel trapped, like you can't breathe. You don't feel like you even know yourself and what you want anymore because you have been with him so long. You feel like you are being held back from being who you are and what you want to do with your life. Sometimes part of life is loving AND losing. We learn a lot more about ourselves by what we lose. If you have already thought about who gets what when you break up and you can not even feel psychically interested in him anymore than that is a major red flag. You may not fight and may get along great, but being intimate is one of the major things that defines a relationship between a friendship. And since he was the only person you have been with for 3 years and you are finally going out on your own, it is perfectly understandable to want to do things for yourself and discover who you are and what you want.
My first love I dated when I was 15 and we dated for a year or so. And then I had an epiphany like you did. I sat back and thought, "What do I want with MY life?" It seems like a simple question but in all honesty, it's a big question to swallow. Especially when you realize that the potential you see for yourself is being held back by someone you love. I realized that in the long run I knew that he would hold me back and that I wouldn't be able to be myself. I thought about the fact that if I stayed with him this whole time I would waste even more years with him when in the long run, I didn't see myself staying with him and being happy with who I was. I have been in this same predicament several times since I was 15. And every single time I left was because of one sole reason, "I didn't think I could be who I really wanted to be and I didn't want to waste years and years of my life with the wrong guy." It's hard to let go of someone you truly care about, and three years may seem like a long time, but sit back and think for a second. You are 18 years old. You have 50, 60, 70 years ahead of you! So 3 years is not that much when you consider the rest of your life.
The biggest struggle is finding out how to make yourself happy and how to discover who YOU really are. So many people begin dating someone and fall in love with them so much that they forget about themselves. Your whole relationship becomes just what the two of you do together, and you forget about what you want and who you are. But that comes with another fact I would like to point out as well: That sometimes you WILL have to sacrifice things when you are in a relationship. You will have to compromise. But when you know yourself well and you can prioritize what is the most important to you and what you are willing to compromise when you get into a great relationship again. It is all about balancing what makes you truly happy, and figuring out what things (guy friends, partying, etc.) are not worth sabotaging your relationship.
With that being said, I think the best thing for you, based on what you said and my from my own personal experiences, is that you need to move on from this relationship and discover what things make you truly happy. Find out who you are as a person. Find good friends (guy/girl) that will truly be there for you. And after you discover yourself and what you want out of your life, then focus on getting into a relationship again. No matter how well you know yourself, relationships will always be complicated. But knowing yourself first before being in one, will certainly help ALOT more! I hope I helped you and if you need anymore advice about this or anything else, feel free to message my inbox. :)
Okay, So me and Gio? of course i havent been listening to anyones advice.
Hes 19 I'm 14. I was ignoring him at the party, he went to his ex. I found out nothing happened that night with them and I was relieved.
We didnt talk for like a week or two.
Outta no where last night my phone rang and it was Gio. He wanted to see me. So i went to kick it with him. We drank a little with some people at his friends house.
Then all his friends left except one but he was passed out. So me and Gio just sat there talking for hours.
And heres EXACTLY what he told me.
"Okay, i really like you a lott, The first time we ever kicked it, it was just like a little crush, then we stopped talking and i said whatevers, Now that we've been kicking it a lot lately, i like you hellla, and i do wanna be with you, i want you to be my hyna, but fuck, your 14. I know i could get in trouble for that shit. I dont wanna risk getting in trouble. If it was legal, I'd let the whole fucking world know that you're my hyna. But your 14. Whatever we got going on, well i dont want it to end because pues i really like you."
Then i said,
"So you can fuck me but you can't DATE me?"
He said,
"Neta, when i got a girl i let the world know, and i dont keep that shit on lock, and what we do nobody has to know. your just damnnn, too young."
i just stayed quiet, and he kept looking at me asking if i was okay, and i just said yeah.
But my question is, Should i just let him go because i know we're not getting anywhere because I'm 14?
Or should i just stick around and see if maybe we do stand a chance. How is he REALLY gonna get in trouble if its okay with my parents?
I just have no idea what to do!
Help?
Please do not be one of these silly little girls on this site that posts for "advice" and hopes that everyone will agree with them. You KNOW you are doing something wrong. And I highly doubt your parents would be okay with you being 14 years old going out to parties and drinking and having sex with a guy 5 years older than you! If he is having sex with you but not dating you because he doesn't want anyone to know, then LISTEN to that statement. He is HAVING SEX WITH YOU but WONT DATE YOU.
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom?
One of the worst things any parent could do to their child is to trash their other parent. This leaves the child alienated and stuck in the mess and not knowing who to believe. It is extremely damaging to a child's perception of relationships and self being. You have full custodial rights and you have more than enough documented reasoning behind it to back up your concerns. Your ex wife is also, by law, not allowed to talk bad about you and their future step mother so she is stirring up trouble for herself. It is important that your children have a relationship with their biological mother though, as long as it does not adversely affect them in a negative way. This is how the court system sees it as well. It is all in the best interest of the child. Your daughter might not be to the age to request the courts to see her mother, but if she were to do that and said you were keeping her from seeing her mother, that would be another mess that could cause major effects on your relationship with your daughter. I suggest you sit your son and daughter down and have a long talk with them. Explain to them that a lot of things that happened between their mother and you are things you do not want to go in detail about because you do not want to say negative things about their mother. Then make sure to let them know that you love them and you want what is best for them. Let them ask questions too. They must be extremely confused, especially after hearing the ridiculous comment your ex wife is saying. So letting them be honest with you about their concerns will help them get what is on their minds out there and allow you to have a chance to set things straight. This isn't a choosing game. These are your children and you have every right by law to protect them. If you feel in your heart, that them seeing their mother will harm them, then you must do what you feel is best. But make sure to allow you children to talk to you and not keep their feelings about this inside. Their mother is being immature and damaging. So if you are the bigger person and in a vague way, without explaining in gory details why she does not have custody of them, you can explain your concerns and listen to theirs, then you will not lose your children. I hope this helps!
I just had a baby girl who is 6 weeks old and was never married to the father. I live in NY. I am breast feeding and will be off of work possibly until she is 4 months old. My question is what is a common visitation schedule when the father lives an hour away. Currently he comes about 2-3 days a week for about 3 hours. I would like to avoid overnight stays for as long as possible. Any advice?
I am not sure what the state parenting guidelines are for New York, but generally when a child is younger than 4 months, it is vital for the child's perception of it's parents to see them consistently for shorter periods of time. Because newborns do not have recollection of their memories, him seeing his daughter for 2 hour intervals every other day, at least 3 days a week is the best way for his daughter to remember him as she progresses to an older age. At 5 months old, she will have a lot better memory and can fully remember objects and people, so at that stage in her life, longer periods of time, say three hours, four times a week, would be important for him. Generally overnights are not granted until she is over a year old if he has been consistently in her life. Before that age, your daughter needs to be nurtured in one comfortable environment, especially when she sleeps, so that she feels safe and secure.
Im a 22 year old female..
my question has to do with the question i asked before.. im sorry but im just confused and i dont know who else to ask for advice. so im getting to know a 22 yr. old male who recently got out of a long term relationship due to his ex cheated on him.& he has 3 kids with her. so i took the advice of getting to know him not minding he has kids, cause i started to have feelings for him. he just today told me he had to tell me something that he couldnt text me or call me anymore. because something happen and he had to be there for his family. but that he didnt want me to take it as if he is a bad person. he said he enjoyed the time we spent together and that hopefully we can see each other soon so he can explain everything to me, but for now he had to say bye. i was so confuse & still am. i told him i understand he has to be there for his family. but i dont get it. he is not the type that would try & hurt me intentionally. but i dont know what to think. a few days ago when i was with him. his ex called him. & i could hear her sort of clearly through the phone. she called him "baby" and ask him where he was & with who, he told her so i think it bother her. but he didnt want to talk to her then and told her it wasnt the moment so he hanged up but she kept on calling him. he apologized. and told me had to answer cause his son is sick. but he doesnt like talking much about his ex or that situation in particular.i dont know if to think this has something to do with what happened today. i made up my mind & decided to not look foward to the day he calls me back & "explains everything to me" cause i fear it will never come. im sorry for the very long long story/question. do you guys think i should just forget about him?
It sounds like a very complicated situation. I am close in age to you and am currently dating a man with a young child with an ex, so I can relate to this. In the beginning of our relationship we did not talk much about his child or his ex. But I knew there was a long past between them, and through out the 6 years or so that they had known eachother, they had always gone back to eachother after being broken up for a while. I was the first girl he had dated that he had not cheated on and left to go back to her. But in the beginning I could tell that when she would call and try to see where he was at and who he was with, he would lie to her and not be honest. And when we officially began dating and he told her about us, she tried sabotaging it. From my experiences I will say that your initial instincts about him having such a complicated past with children is perfectly understandable. Everyone has ex boyfriends and girlfriends. But having an ex and a child with that person is very complicated because he will always have to be in contact with her to see his children. From everything I have been through and from what you wrote, I think he was very sick of her and tried moving on with you. But it seems that his ex still has a hold on him and he is not quite ready to let go of her and their relationship. He may also have fears of her retaliating against him and not allowing him to see his children. This may be another reason that he may give her a second chance to avoid the drama and confrontations. With that being said, yes, I believe you should go with your intuitions and drop him for good. Whatever his reasons are in the future, if he ever comes clean to you about them, it should make no difference. I do not think he is being fully honest with you. And I do not think he is the type of relationship you are looking to get involved in. You are very young and deserve a change to be in a healthy and honest relationship with a man that knows what he wants, which this man clearly does not. So forget him because I truly feel all he will do is string you and your heart along for a ride you might not be ready for.
I recently lost my virginity in September. I expected the first time to be painful but the next three times were also painful, but the initial pain went away after a minute. I understand this could be because the times I have sex are usually spaced out by a week or two. The problem is, I don't get much enjoyment out of sex. I have feeling, but it just feels more like pressure than pleasure. Other activities give me more pleasure than sex, such as oral sex.
I don't know if this could be related but about a week and a half after having sex I got a yeast infection and then after the second time for having sex I seemed to get another infection of some sort. I'm not at risk for any STD's because we were both virgins and we always use condoms.
I'm really not sure what to do or if theres anything I can do. I feel like sex should be more pleasurable and not cause me so much trouble. If anyone has advice or can relate I'd appreciate it.
Your first couple times can be awkward and your mind focuses on so many things, not just the act of having sex. So because of this, you might not find much enjoyment from sex right away. Other factors that might add to this is the condoms you are using. You may be allergic to latex in the condoms which can cause irritation and itchiness that could be mistaken for a yeast infection. Condoms are also known for desensitizing female satisfaction during sex. The position you were in may also play a huge factor in enjoying sex better. Here are some ideas that might help you enjoy sex a lot more in the future.
You mentioned you enjoyed oral sex a lot better than sex. Well most woman cannot fully enjoy sex without stimulation to their clitoris, not just through penetration (which is why you enjoy oral sex more). Try to do positions that allow for easier access of your clit and allow for intercourse at the same time. Missionary (man on top, woman on bottom)is not a good position because entry is very shallow, and woman get the best pleasure with deeper penetration. If you lay on your side and he lays behind you, he can enter deeper and stimulate your clit with his hand at the same time. You can also switch from this position to being on your hands and knees with him behind you on his knees and his hands on your hips. You can alter this position by arching your back and also by going from your hands down to your elbows. This will allow even deeper entry so if it is too deep before, stay on your hands and knees and do not change to this version. Now for condoms, I suggest using an ultra thin condom that does NOT have any lubricant. The lubricants on most condoms can increase you likely hood of getting infections, especially if you are allergic to latex. The thinner the condom, the less desensitized you are during sex, and the more you both will enjoy it. This also means it has a better chance to break though. So in order to prevent breaking the condom, make sure to buy a bottle of lube, I would try using KY brand for Female Satisfaction. You can get them at any local drugstore in the condoms aisle.
I hope this helped and if you have any more questions, feel free to message me.
I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
Sorry if this is too long!
Hello! Sorry it took me so long to respond. My computer crashed a month ago and I haven't got my computer back until recently. It seems that your boyfriend is not being honest or mature about your relationship. That being said, I do think that you guys lack communication that is very important in having a healthy and long lasting relationship. This facebook group he made is very immature to make, especially if it goes in detail about your relationship. It seems to me, that his lack of communicating with you is being used towards this venture instead. Men tend to not be very open about their feelings and problems they may have with a relationship, mostly to avoid causing a fight. So they end up bottling things up and going elsewhere to try to solve these issues, instead of communicating it to you. Although you avoided telling him that you already knew about this group in hopes that he would open up and tell you the truth, I am assuming he knew exactly what you were trying to say because he made it private now. Not only was he unable to fess up and tell the truth when confronted about this secret, but he in turn still kept the group and made it harder to see! This shows me that he is perfectly fine with keeping this secret and has no realization to your feelings. That being said, I really think you need to try a new tactic to work for his honesty. And when I mean "work" for his honesty, I mean demand it. If he loves you he needs to be forth coming and honest up front. If he can't be honest over something as immature and as small as a facebook group, then there might be a lot more he has been hiding, especially if he is so comfortable lying to your face about it and then privatizing it to cover his tracks. I suggest sitting him down and being point blank honest with him. Tell him you know about the group and you are extremely hurt and offended that he would post personal things about your relationship online and then lie to you about it. Explain that you gave him a chance to be honest about it and talk to you, but that he lied. Ask him this: What is more important? That group, or us? And if you must, flip the situation. Most strong headed men only see things through one side. So give him a hypothetical situation, where you were the one posting these things and hiding them, and he was in your position. If you can make him see it through your eyes then maybe he will realize he is wrong. Be stern, but not confrontational. If he gets defensive and it starts turning into a fight, then walk away and let it go. His reaction is what is important. If his pride does not allow him to consider your feelings and admit he is wrong, then you might have to be the bigger person and let him go. Every person wants to be with someone they love and can be honest with. So if he can't be honest and talk to you, then do what is best for you and what you want. It seems to me that he is very selfish, so considering your feelings and if he can't do the same, then it is your turn to be selfish and do what is in your best interests. Hope I helped you! Again, sorry it took so long to post back! If you have any more questions or comments, feel free to write me back.
~Sherah