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Is it fair to be mad at your girlfriend if she hangs out with other guys?
My girlfriend is really pretty and we've been dating for 4 months. Before we started actually dating she told me about her passed and that she's hooked up with a lot of guys. She told me that it was "more than a dozen" guys she's had sex with before. I love her though and I told her it didn't matter and I loved her anyways. Well, lately she is been hanging out with these groups of guys. I know for a fact she's had sex with some of the guys more than once because she told me that before. I told her that it hurt me she was spending time with these guys that used her and she told me that it makes her happy to be able to spend time with these guys. I'm really actually getting mad because I'm hurt by all this and she doesn't understand what it's like to hear her laughing on the phone when they're out and me not knowing if she's REALLY safe from these creeps. I want her to have friends, boys and girls, but not the people who she has had sex with? especially that this one guy she keeps hanging out with told me (at school lunch break) he's been having sex with her when they get together. I don't believe him but I do think he's been hitting on her and that pisses me off that she lets that go on.
What do i do about this mess?
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I will be brutally honest with you. I have been there from a girl's stand point. My ex 5 years ago was hanging out with a lot of girls from his school and taking them out to lunch, some of which, he had admitted to having sex with before we dated. So when I started hearing rumors that on his lunch breaks he was having random "friends" over and they were having sex. I didn't want to believe it and made excuses for his actions. The same excuses you just used.. "Those people are just trying to break us up..", " It can't be true because they are hitting on her.." If you are making excuses for her actions and these rumors then the sad truth of it, is that it probably is true. I, unfortunately, kept myself blind to my ex's actions by making up these ridiculous reasons to make myself feel better about the situation, when deep down inside, I really thought it could be true. And 2 and half years later I married that guy only to find out a month after that, that he had gotten 2 girls pregnant. I divorced him when I found out and when we talked after I filed the papers he told me everything he had lied to me about for the past 2 and half years, including the fact that he cheated on me almost every other day with several girls he was "friends" with during his lunch breaks at school.
Moral to my story is this: I wasted 2 and a half years with a guy who never cared about me because he was always cheating, when I could have just left him after 6 months when I heard these rumors and found someone 10 times better!
I believe she is cheating on you. If she has the nerve and disrespect to hang out with all these guys when she has had sex with them and knows that it makes you upset, then she is selfish and really doesn't care about you. You cannot be friends with a guy/girl that you have had sex with. Sorry, but you just can't. Friends are strictly platonic. That is what defines friends and a boyfriend/girlfriend. And I might also add, that she probably doesn't care much about herself either because she has slept with a large amount of guys. Girls that sleep around alot have very low self confidence and sleeping around makes them feel like guys like them and helps boost this insecurity. So that is another reason why she likes hanging with these guys regardless of how you feel about them hitting on her. She wants to feel attractive and likes the fact that these guys are hitting on her and showing interest.
I really am sorry about how honest this is, but you have been with her 4 months and I really would hate to see you waste a year, or two years with a girl that doesn't care enough about herself, let alone, enough about you. Best of luck and I really hope you take what I say to heart. If you have anymore questions about this or anything else feel free to message my inbox.
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Ask if you can come out with them, and be polite and friendly.
You are worried for your girlfriend's safety - and that makes sense. However, you can't change the fact your girlfriend has made some really bad choices in the past, and you can't give her orders about who she can or can't hang out with (yes, even if she has slept with them in the past, and even if they are creeps.)
The only thing you can do, is either be supportive and respect her choices and what she says to you OR dump her.
If she feels safe with these friends, you either have to trust that she is right about that or break up with her. Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make her understand if she simply honestly doesn't see it your way.
But give hanging out with her friends a fair chance. You might find that they are harmless jokers - a bit offensive - but not dangerous. Also, having you near might help her see any inappropriate treatment she might be receiving.
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Oh dear... Well, it's good that she's got some friends, but if they're hitting on her, I think you should let those guys know big time that she's your girlfriend and that you really don't like the idea of people crushing on her. You need to sit her down and tell her that this entire thing is bothering you. If she starts to retaliate, you should tell her how much you care about her. You can't tell her never to hang out with other guys, but tell her to show these guys that she's already taken... Not to mention, she shouldn't particularly be talking about past relationships as she's dating you now and only you. Hopefully things will go smoothly after some good communication, but if not, if she keeps hanging out with these guys in a fashion that you KNOW she might be doing something, I'm afraid you'll have to drop her as a last resort, but keep trying to talk to her, and the guys too before you ever think of breaking up with her!
Best of luck to you!
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eeekkk i think you have to put her in a situation where its either your or them...ofcourse you should be angry these are guys that she had physical contact with and ofcourse you trust her but do you trust them?no i didnt think so!
I think you should lay it all out on the table,tell her that i know they make her happy but you should be the one making her happy...also let her know that other things make her happy too,she doesnt need anyone to make her happy she just needs you.tell her that you trust her but dont trust them because they spread rumours and just tell her about what one of those guyys said but mention that you dont believe them...she needs to realise that your the one getting hurt...i would be too!
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