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*boy problem.. pleeeease help me before i do something stupid
15/f
this is a VERY long story, but im gonna try to lay this out as short as possible and please, im desperate here, you have NO clue what i've been through these past few months, and i need all the help i can get..
last year i met a REALLY sensative guy. he was 16, about to be 17, and i was 14.. he was soooo shy, hes VERY insecure. when we first started dating, all he said to me was how i saved him and pulled him out of his misery because he has had no luck with relationships and was treated like shit by girls his whole life. hes not even that cute and popular, and i have a waaay higher social status in my grade/ school then he does in his grade.. but ive been known to have wierd taste and i can look beyond looks and things like that very easily. i think when we first started dating him i was just excited over the fact that he had a car and he was a junior and i was only a freshmen.. but i actually did end up falling in love with him. and he was COMPLETELY in love with me. we lost our virginities to eachother and ill tell you, im smart, and not at all a bit naiive.. i knew this kid loved me. & we did NOT have a sex based relationship whatsoever.. we became eachothers best friends. both of us lost all of our other friends because we were only with eachother 24-7. he called my mom 'mom' and i did the same with his mom.. we were incredibly close.. and sense he was older, i felt so comftorbal and secure with him, and i went to him with all my problems, and he would help me.. ive been suffering from depression for years and me and my mother never had a good relationship, and my father left me, and i was molested as a baby.. but when i was with him, he made me feel so comftorbal. we told eachother EVERYTHING. and i was postive he was there to stay. he promised me forever every single day. we dated for a year. i messed it up, biggest mistake of my entire life.. he started getting very annoying and up my ass. you know when youre in a bad mood and you just want to be left alone? well he would never leave me alone. he'd be like 'its okay babe i love you' bla bla. all mushy, when i just want to be mad!. i tried talking to him about this many times and all he could say was im sorry i just love you soooo much i cant help it.. all my friends called him whipped cream and everything.. it was BAD. but anyways, one night i was out with my friends the day before a cheer competition, and my ex was there.. and somewhere along the lines, we kissed.. my boyfriends friend was there and told him that if i didnt tell him, he was going to.. i knew he wasnt going to break up with me or anything.. so i told him.. but the thing is.. i think i was looking for a fight with him because our relationship was so boring. when i told him, it pissed me off how he was crying instead of being mad, yelling at me. so i started saying things to make him mad.. i said TERRIBLE things. like i was gonna keep cheating on him because he basically lets me, and how i know i take advantage of him because he trusts me so much but i shouldnt.. and he was like well maybe i have to break up with you then.. and he was like i really dont want to. and i was like fine just do it idont care! yelling at him and stuff.. and then he did. i was thinking we would get back together in a couple weeks.. so after we broke up, we still talked because we obv. still loved eachother and everything. we acted like we were going out, and we even 'hooked up' a few times.. but when he asked me back out, i kept saying no, i wasnt ready.. because the relationship was SOOO akward after we broke up.. he was acting so different. and i knew why. it was because i broke his heart. and i did, bad. so one day after we hooked up, my friend told me that her brother saw my 'boyfriend, x-boyfriend, whatever u wanna call him' at a store.. and he was saying how he was done with me and he was trying to get with this new girl 'leesh'.. i was FURIOUS. i called him up screaming at him asking for all my stuff back and it was over for good and everything. but really, i wanted an appology from him, not my stuff back. btw, i was very remorsful for cheating on him and saying what i said to him, i mustve appologized a million times.. but he didnt say anything, he justgave me all my stuff back and acted like it was nothing.. and then i kept trying to get him back, but he kept rejecting me. i was litterally down on my knees for this kid. until one day i found out he had a girlfriend. not just some girl.. the girl who dates ALL the boys that i date after me.. but thats a whole nother story.. anyways, i was devistated. i couldnt eat, i couldnt talk, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt go to school,, nothing. all i did was cry and cry and cry and cry. i tried talking to him seeing if we could be friends and stuff, but he hates me now. if i send him one text, he shuts his phone off. he goes all different ways in the halls so i dont have to see him in school, he wont even look my way. he saw me practically drown in my own tears and he didnt even care. i wrote him long long letters, i tried everything i could just to be able to talk to him when i need to, so i wouldnt be so hurt about the situation.. now, i have two weeks left of school and im failing 4 classes.. and im an honors student. i DONT fail. its not me. and im grounded because of it, so i cant even go out and try to forget it. its been sense thhe end of february... and still,all i can think about is killing myself.. people say they are heart broken.. but this gives heart broken a new definition. there is litterally a hole in my chest. and i keep getting maaaassive anxiety attacks in class, and i do go to counceling wich is sort of helpful but we mostly talk about my parents.. three days ago, she broke up with him. and he was very upset from what i heard.. he hasnt tried talking to me or anything but i dont know what to do, i want to talk to him but he'll just ignore me.. i love this kid and care about him with my life. today i thought i was going to DIE. it was the last day of school for the seniors. the last time ill EVER see him again. the last time ill ever get to look for him i the halls so i can walk by him.. that was the only time i ever got to see him, and today was my last day. and when i walked by him for the very last time of my life today, he didnt even look at me. it was so painful. he couldnt even have the heart to say bye to me considering im his first love and helll never see me again. i havent been able to stop crying sense i last saw him. i dont even know what to do with my life any more. someone PLEEEEEASE tell me what to do to get him back. ANNYTHING. I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP. we had such a good relationship till i cheated and we Never ever had one fight. but you dont even understand. this kid wouldnt even look at any other girls, deleted all the girls in his phone book, couldnt go an hour without texting me just saying he loved me, couldnt go a day withouth seeing me, brought me flowers randomly, did EVERYTHING for me. how can you love someone so much and go through everything we've been through together, and then just completely shut them out of your life?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Wait, so you're saying that you mentally and emotionally abused him and that you cheated on him so he broke up with you. And then you're saying that you wanted HIM to apologize?
Here's my advice:
Lose the control issues.
Realize your feelings aren't all that matter in the world.
Realize that by using and abusing you get burned.
Get a life.
Oh, and if he's smart, which I bet he is, you CAN'T get him back. As a guy I can say that no matter how much we may have loved someone, if they treat us like you said, we detach ourselves from them. Even if it hurts, we hate them.
The world doesn't revolve around you. You had your chance, and you blew it.
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This is why I don't agree with relationships that have an age difference of more than a year. And I was in one, I wa 14 and he was 17. You're in different stages of your life. He's preparing for life on his own in college and is a young adult looking for a serious relationship while you are a young teen obviously still playing mind games assuming the other person will react the way you want so you can get your way. you said the relationship got boring but most adults know that a dull patch in a relationship is just another stage of falling in love. Its when you've finally become truly comfortable with each other to live your life with the other person. You don't see married couples having exciting days everyday of their marriage..yet they're still happy and don't find the need to start a fight or cheat just because they're bored. For me I think cheating is the worst thing you could do in a relationship and then you yelled at him and made it sound like it was his fault? And you're still wondering why he tried to move on. I would have done the same without another thought about going back, he doesn't deserve that even if he is less popular than you..who cares! He's still a human being and the real world isn't a populatity contest. Your relationship was over when you cheated. Even if you did get back together you can never expect it to be the same and for now and a long time everytime he sees you he's going to see 'the girl who cheated on me'. If you do see him don't try to act mature, you have to be mature. Which means you have to look deep inside yourself and change your way of thinking. You wanted a fight and you got one but you got way too far over your head with this one.
So, my advice is to move on. You caused this man so much pain he can't even look at you. I've been in his shoes and the best thing you could do for him and in turn yourself would be to move on and grow up so you can prepare yourself for the next relationship. Mature relationships...honest and true love relationships are the best thing ever and you will not be in one if you are 15. It just won't happen. Its something that comes from wisdom of the ages.
I know you're grounded and can't get out with your friends which would help with the healing process. So try and discover a hobby for yourself. Discover the arts or writing. You have to live your life.
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well, the advice given below me is one way to go, but i wouldnt risk it. it looks like thise relationship hjas a gash in it, and forgive my description but i dont think you want i to lose any more blood..or it will die.
you need to let him read this. if you have a friend that is friends with him, get them to give a copy of this to him. you have to lay everything on the table. stop beggin for him.. and tell him. ya know..say look..i love you, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. youve changes my life, and i cant life my life without you. i need you..ans so on. SHOW HIM THIS MESSAGE! ..
but then if you love him, you want him to be happy, and that if its what he wants..u will let go. (even if it will kill you inside, he needs to know that ur not going to wait forever)
and if i may evaluate your situation...i think that why you were getting bored with him and wanted to fight with him is because you were inexperienced, you probably could get who you wanted, and relationships were easy, nothing you had to work for. he was the first time you fell in love, and this is new to you so you didnt know how to handle it. you were testing the limits and trying to figure out what this feeling was...tell him this.
he is probably scared.
i would say that after he reads this...you need to tell him to his fayce how you feel. tell him that whatever he decides to have the decency to say it to your face like a man. and then leave. let him think. if hes smart hella act upon it. gotta tell him its now or never. and your serious.
its tough girl i know..ive been in a similar situation..i can tell you about it if it will help you just message me. but i hope things go well for you =]
xoxo Alyssa
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Dear 15F
There is no quick fix for this, but if you can be patient. My advice is to stay away, and do NOT try to contact him, to not text him or go to his face book page, or try to run in to him.(believe me, he will be wondering why you haven't been trying to see him.) Then in about 6 months or so, make plans to some how run into him. Make sure you arrange to be SEEN by him. Look your absolute best. And be like..."oh Hi, how are you." And just get a conversation going. Act confident, and more mature. Like that person who was all busted up over the break up is long gone and you are more mature and less emotional. Believe me he will ONLY remember the good times and not the bad times. And he'll have had more experience with girls and know that at your ages, it is hard to know exactly what you want, and sometimes you/we/he get confused and do and say things that we are sorry for later. You'll both be older and more mature and more experienced in affairs of the heart, and maybe ready to try again. And this time be NICE.
Hope this helps.
- Michele
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Im not even sure what to say. Your whole situation is just sad. I cant say I completely understand but I can sort of relate. Many people can say its time to let go. And I wanted to say the same thing to you but I understand that it is hard to let go and sometimes you feel like you just cant and even tell yourself its impossible. How do you let go? I honestly dont know. I think its a process of time and self-thinking. You really need to concentrate on yourself rather than his life and his girlfriends and graduation. thinking of how to make yourself feel better does not involve him because if you guys were to ever get back together and break up again, you might wind up worse than now. So now is the time to get rid of anything reminding you of him, wether that be songs in your ipod, cards, notes, gifts and more. Keeping the memory of him alive only makes the love you have for him seem stronger. And shutting someone out of your life that you once loved..it seems like 'how could he do that' but sometimes that is just the way people handle things. Shutting someone out is a way of saying I care about you, but i need to care about myself more right now. Shutting him out is the way to go. You will definitely experience love again because you are only 15 right now and have so many wonderful years to come. Enjoy your youth and try to stay away from adult problems. I think love is even harder for young people like us to handle. We have these raging hormones and its easier for us to not think rationally. Just always love yourself more than anyone else. If you love yourself first than you realize in some situations its better to take care of yourself and let the other person take care of themself. If you need anyone to talk to I am so gladly here for you. So dont be a stranger. -peachykeen
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Well every1 else pretty much hit it dead on! But firstly you're only 15, slow down shorty! I don't think you love him as much as you hate losing! If u don't relax a bit ure going to give ureself a heart attack! Every one loses at some point every1 that's how you grow and learn. What trips me out is that after he told you every female he's messed with has done him dirty, you went and did the same thing! Remember karma, cause now ure feeling some of that pain! Which will happen to you again probably a couple more times in you're life. So give him some space, if you really care about him!
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Well I know you love him. But its time to let go. Maybe eventually he'll let you back in. But he is doing the same thing you did to him. You need to accept the fact that he didn't want to break up with you at all. You wanted to break up with him. But you hurt him so bad. Think about it the other way around. If it was you...wouldn't that hurt. If it was me, I'd totally cut you out of my life. So just give him some time and he might come back to you. He won't if you keep bugging him. The most you can do is say your sorry. Then that's it. Good luck!
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First of all, you are 15 years old. You will have many many many many more boyfriends. You need to realize its over. When you act shallow like that & think you can just push people around & say mean things, you cannot expect him to want to stick around. If a guy cheated on me, that would be the end. But, he wasn't even going to break up with you for that. If you didn't like him anymore, all you had to do was tell him that. He probably thinks your psycho. (no offense) but why did you act like that? have some dignity. Obviously, he didn't feel as strongly about you as you thought he did. It seems like you are the one who is obsessed with him. Move on, your 15 years old, start acting like it.
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The following is not mine, but I pass it on to
you in hopes that it helps. Change every "her"
to "him" and read it that way.
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It's that time again. It's been 1.5 years since the last time, and I'm slightly disappointed that I've been dumped 2 times in a row. Oh well, it's hard to reign in those youngins' This one was a good one, though. I'm very sad to see her go.
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Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the fuck out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry ass, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
# ? Mar 15, 2006 21:22
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lushka16
Apr 08, 2003
Doctor of Love
Dump
RULE 1
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll fucking kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the shit out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional shit for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't fuck her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do shitty things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really shitty. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T FUCKING STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
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I have the same problem girrrrrllllll :( I push people away and then want them back. I can't keep a guy or a best friend.
I did the same shit.
I asked Alex for my crap back and he never gave it to me. He totally started a whole new life without me. It's amazing... I mean like how can these guys do this shit to us? Just forgot about us? I wish we could just forget about them.
I went psycho just like you. I ACTUALLY SET HIS CLOTHES ON FIRE. Just to get revenge. All I ended up doing is was making a fool of myself.
The best advice that I can give you is to just try and understand his point of view. Think of if HE wrote a question on here and if we heard HIS side of the story. Everyone would be replying and saying that "once a cheater always a cheater" and making you seem like the bad guy and the terrible one. You may think you are a terrible person now, but your not. Your an amazing person. You deffinatly aren't Bi-polar because this is NORMAL. I hope you understand what I'm trying to explain to you. I hope the best for you and I know you can feel like killing yourself but that's the total wrong answer. That wouldn't accomplish a thing. THINGS WILL GET BETTER. Just remember this will make you stronger in the end.
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well i can tell you ive been in you situation how someone is so in love with at the time... you think you're starting not to like him but when thrre gone it feels like you just made a huge mistake but this what i told mii ex i said "look, i like you alot but i can stand to be stalked and i didnt mean to kiss him(this part is for you)it was just the heat of the moment but you ned to give him sometime to think about and let it blow over and if you can if you need anymore help please send me a message and know im always here to help
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When I was younger (17 or so) I was dating a guy. We were best friends, did everything together, never fought, and were completely happy. Then he did what you did. He got bored. He cheated on me. When I finally did find out, I was stupid and took him back. And he did it again, and again...
You can never go back to that time when you were completely happy. You can have absolutely no idea how painful it is to have someone that you love cheat on you. And then to have them basically laugh in your face when you get upset and cry instead of getting angry they way that they want you to.
He will never be able to be with you without thinking about you cheating on him. Even if he ignores his feelings, there will always be a fear. He'll be jealous, angry, always alert when your near other guys, etc. And this will make you and him miserable.
I'm sorry, I know you made a mistake and it's human, but I think that your mistake ended the relationship with this guy for good. Do you really want him to be miserable if he is with you and is constantly reminded of the heartbreak you gave him when you cheated. If you really love him, then you wouldn't want him to go through that.
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Your 15. He might be your 'first love' but he won't be your last. Your not even a quarter of the way through your life. The only reason your so upset is because things didn't go the way you wanted for once. Your talking about how you were more popular than him and how your higher in your 'social class' to him. That just shows how conceited you are, especially that you pretty much only wanted him because he was older than you and had a car.
Frankly this is karma. You acted horribly to get what you wanted and it turned around and bit you. He's not going to want to be with you again because he thinks your a unethical, terrible person.
If you want any shred of dignity and respect for him you have left, you should accept what you did and let him be happy. And it is you that's letting your marks down, you Do fail, you let yourself fail, so stop being a coward and face your fears. He's not coming back.
It's a horrible thing to say, but you can't get it into your head any other way. You need to grow up and accept whats happened, do the best with what you have.
Now that that's out of the way, you need to think positive. You'd be surprised how far it will get you. Find something so insignificant in your life, something like a friend, a counselor, a teacher that has been kind to you and realize you do have something to be thankful for. If you want a successful and happy life, YOU have to make it happen, so start doing that. You can't just sit there and wait for things to fall back into place or sit around wondering what if's, take a deep breath and dive in.
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I want to start off by saying a few things. Im very sorry for everything you have been through and that you are still going through. People make mistakes. Its human nature. And all the people who are critisizing you for it probably need to take a look in the mirror themselves. So dont listen to them. You have gotten an overwhelming amount of responses and may not even really be reading them any more. But I really hope you read mine because I have been through a situation very similar to yours and I made it through. And I want to tell you my story.
When I was 14 (Im now 21) I started dating a 15 year old boy who also happened to be my best friend. He was amazing. He would do anything and everything for me. He loved me more than he loved him self and I was perfect in his eyes. And I loved him very much too. We were extremely close. We both dropped all of our friends because he said we didnt need anyone but each other. So we spent all day everyday either with each other or talking. About a year into it I got bored, just like you did. I didnt want to lose him but I wanted to experience other things. And I started cheating on him. It was mostly just kissing a few other guys here and there but I actually did go all the way with one other guy. He never knew about it and still doesnt till this day. I stayed with him because he was all I knew and I loved him. We stayed together for a total of 3 years without breaking up once. About a month after our 3 month anniversary I started developing feelings for a coworker of mine. He was 22 and I was 17 at the time. He was very different from my boyfriend. He was older and he was the type of guy that every girl wanted and I was so flattered that he was interested in me. We started hanging out and about the 2nd time we hung out we ended up having sex. My feelings for him grew stronger and we started talking about me leaving my boyfriend and us being together. I was very skeptical because my boyfriend was all I knew and I loved him. He was my safety net. I eventually told my boyfriend of my feelings for the other guy. I didnt tell him we hung out or hooked up but just that I had feelings and was confused and needed time. My boyfriend started doing everything he could think of to get me back. He would show up at work with flowers, bought me a ring, write me letters, leave me amazingly sweet voicemails, but for some reason I couldnt get the other guy on my mind. It was like when I was with my boyfriend I was totally in love with him. But when I was with the other guy I had crazy feelings for him. I ended up going with the other guy but not completely cutting ties with my boyfriend. I played games with him for about 6 months after we broke up. I didnt do it intentionally and I didnt realize what I was doing but now I do. I would pop up out of the blue and tell him I loved him and wanted him. And whenever I would hear he was talking to another girl I would show up at his job and tell him he was who I wanted ( and I did mean it at the time) but then a few days later I would say no I wanna be with Dave (the other guy). I did so much reeeaaaallllyyyy messed up sutff to ghim that Im not even gonna get into but I was heartless to him. I didnt realize it but I was. After about 6 months of putting up with my bullshit he finally said its me or him and thats it. I picked the other guy. I still remember our "goodbye" like it was yesterday. He said he would always have a special place in his heart for me and he knew I would look amazing at prom(my prom was in a few weeks) and he hoped I end up happy. And to this day it brings tears to my eyes thinking about it. After that I was ok for a few weeks. But then I got terribly depressed. I missed him more than I could even put into words, even tho I had this other guy. I started basically stalking him. I would chase him through town just to see him. I would call him all the time with my number blocked just to hear his voice. I would send him emails everyday, even tho he never replied, just to tell him how my day was. It all ended when I drove past his house one night and he was standing outside and I looked in my rearview mirror and he was standing in the middle of the road waving me back and I got super excited so I backed up and he basically screamed in my face and told me I was dead to him and to leave him alone. So I did. Me and the other guy were together for almost a year and then we broke up. I started college at the same place where my ex went and it all started again. I started texting him again, having my friends ttry to talk to him for me. Looking for him all over campus, but still he did not respond to my attempts. So I basically gave up. To this day, I still love him and I always will. And I am currently in another realionship which I have been in for 2 years now. But it doesnt change my feelings for my first true love. He still holds my heart. And tho I havent talked to him in years, I still feel a connection with him. I still cry over him. I still look at his pictures. I still even try to call his old number every once in a while to see if he will answer.
It took a lot of time, accepting, and learning to love myself to heal as much of my heart that could heal, but I got through it. And you will too. Believe me, I know how much it hurts emotionally and physically. I cried millions and millions of tears. I tried taking pills to drown the pain. But none of that will truly help. You have to just come to terms with it and have faith that whats meant to be will be. Cory (the boy Ive been talking about) is still an option in my mind. I still wonder about us getting back together even tho we havent talked in years. But if we dont, im finally okay with that. It takes time sweetheart, but eventually you will be okay, just like I am. You have made mistakes, but thats ok. Your human, just like everyone else. Have faith in yourself.
I wish you the absolute best and you are in my prayers. I hope you will email me anytime and I would be more than happy to talk. Stay strong.
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Sounds like you were very close at one point. Immaturity on both sides led to the break-up and it's now affecting you. You guys didn't know when to be firm and when to control your emotions.
At this point, if i asked 'would you put up with his annoying points?', you might answer 'yes'. And that's not exactly the problem, but it is troubling. My advice is:
1. Have this in mind: 'You are still young and obviously had traits that made you popular. You don't need to let one guy give you so many problems in life because you will probably find a good guy if you cheer up.'
2. Move on for the time being, spend more time with your friends to get your mind off things. Don't let your smarts go to waste either.
3. When you truly have a clear mind, ask yourself again. "He was important to me at one point in my life, but do I really need him? Was he truly one-in-a-million?"
4. Tell me your answer to that question and what reminded you to ask yourself that last question.
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first of all i want to same i'm so sorry about your break up. it does hurt and it hurts ten times more when you know they have moved on. but you shouldn't have cheated on him especially if he was as sensitive as you say he was. that's probably why he cried instead of getting angry. i believe he really loved you and he knew you loved him he did everything for you because you were his princess and by judging all the things you said to him that night he probably thought "wow she doesn't love me anymore or maybe she never did love me" it hit him extremely hard and that would probably be the reason he doesn't want any contact with you whatsoever. that really stung him and he probably thinks taht seeing talking to you would just bring the hurt back so he wants to avoid it. im not dogging on you but just trying to explain why he could be acting this way. you aren't a bad person you just made a pretty big mistake. but don't go looking for fights anymore since you may not get the results you wanted. they might be ten times worse. i think you shouldnt try to talk to him at least for a while so he can forget about it and try again later. when i say try i mean try to be friends. take it slowly with him so you can earn his trust back dont do anything extreme like harming yourself its just not worth it
hope i helped
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youre 15. youre still young. & hes a senior thats already graduated. im sorry, but you got to let go. hes moving upp to college or to a new path, do you really wanna tag along? he needs a new life away from high school. he needs to meet new people. you both do. youre 15; hes not the last guy you were going to be with. youre going to have plenty time to experience REAL love. & its not worth wanting to kill yourself over...no guy is.
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Aw I'm sorry you screwed up. There will be other boys, don't do the same thing next time. And apologize to him, but don't try anything else. Just tell him your sorry and how awesome he is and how wrong you were. Goodluck.
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Play hard to get. works everytime. guys are the most jealous creatures in the world and if another guy comes into the picture for you he will want to work for you. guys dont want back a girl who is depressed and down all the time. why let a guy effect your grades? it sounds like youre obsessed. id say get over him, there will be other guys believe me. but if you really want him back then get your act together and make him want you back. making him feel sorry for you wont work. tried it. does nothing. guys want what they cant have. remember that
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I read this like three times and each time I read it I had the exact same thought... Now you aren't going to like me for saying this but here goes: You need to move on.Here's the harsh reality, life doesn't stop for a broken heart and you shouldn't stop doing what you do because of it. You are failing 4 classes! You need to get your act together. First loves are hard to get over yours will be especially hard to get over because it ended really badly. You weren't happy in the relationship so you sabotaged it... You guys had problems in that relationship.So what makes you think that if you guys got back together those problems wouldn't be there? Ignoring them makes its worst. And think about it you hurt this guy just to get a reaction out of him. That's not a healthy relationship.
Here's another thing to consider, you are young you should be having fun and chances are you will meet other boys and possibly have amazing relationships with them.
Right now you need to sort yourself out, pull up your marks, have fun with your friends and remember how to live your life before this boy was in the picture. You can do it. And you will be so much happier.
He is moving onto a new part in his life and I think you should too. I think you should sms him and have one last conversation with him for closure. Say your proper goodbyes and tell him how sorry you are. This could even help you guys to become friends.
Right now I don't think you guys are going to be able to get back together.The time is just not right. But I do believe in fate and I think if you guys are meant to be that eventually you will find your way to back to each other.
I know this wasn't what you were looking for but I just thought you should consider it.
I hope you sort everything out!
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-Stares- So many words.
This kid (ur bf/ex/love of ur life) seems like the perfect guy, but you said he'd been trashed by other girls before. Thats not good, you used his own past against him, by doing it to him.
You Also said you got bored with the relationship cause he would never fight, but also that he was up your ass twenty four seven. In a relationship like that, it's hard to keep it standing especially if you're one that likes to be alone, occasionaly.
I don't like to say this, because it hurts.. But you may not get him back, you might have to wait it out, till destiny finds itself back to you.
Maybe he's suppose to be with you, but it's not yet.
Give it time, more time.
You can't apperently talk to him, see him.. Can't just sit back and watch the world go around...
You want it to happen faster, you think its what you need, go to his house. Knock on his door, try to talk to him. If he won't why not pull that old routine? Sit out side his house? Until he'll talk to you.. Do you two have a song? Play it nonstop. Worst thing, you could have the cops called on you.. but when love is that special, that deep.. You need it like a drug? You'll do anything for it.. You have to get him back? Do it, you're not naiiev?! SO... put some brains into it, you want him back.. Okay, but you better make sure you want him, don't want him cause you don't have him, and once you have him again you don't want him. Don't hurt him, if you think it'll fall back into the same steps.
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This is a tough advice to give because you can go on it two ways. I must say you definetley hurt the guy. First of all he is sensitive so he will take certain situations like you cheating on him a different way than other guys. Not a lot of guys are sensitive so you have to be careful. In most situations like yours a girl will blow up because she wants her guy to be like most other guys like your ex.
Many people may have a high relationships from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriends. You need to know that if you care about someone you put put them ahead of yourself. You hurt the guy and now you feel guilty.
You need to analyze what you did. First you made a mistake of not talking to the guy. He cared about you so much but you have a shield. From your story I can see that you both helped eachother in hard situations, but when a complicated one came you ignored it.
You made a big mistake on ignoring it because things kept happening and your problem blew up that you did something so unforgivable to the guy. I can tell the guy was very hurt but look at this way....
You feel this awful but how does he feel you hurting him so much in addition to losing the important girl in his life. You may not know it but this is hurting him so much that he doesn't want to remember you which is hard cause if he's that sensitive then he is still in love with you.
Try letting him be a lone for a while. It will ease his pain which maybe will help him understand that losing you guys relationship is not a good idea.
lifescomplicated
live your life to the fullest because the next day might not come.
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Honestly, you blew it. He will most likely never take you back because you were selfish and hurt him and, in turn, yourself. Try to move on.
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You know the only reason you really want him back is because he found someone else. We have all done it, and every woman over the age of 27 can describe all of your feelings to you because they have all been there, themselves.
The absolute best, classiest thing you could do is this: "Hey, I know I wasn't a very good girlfriend to you, and I'm sorry for all the times I disrespected your feelings, especially when I kissed my ex. I learned my lesson, but I learned it too late. I am really happy for you that you are in a relationship and you're happy, and I have no choice but to move on, even though I wish I could be with you."
Saying this will accomplish two things. 1. He'll get to thinking about you moving on. Right now it's pretty easy for him because he knows you want him back, but if he had to question whether he could get you back it will put his head in the direction you want it to be in. 2. It will show him that you really and truly care about him, and not just yourself. You have been wicked selfish in this relationship, and all those times you put him down to give your ego the boost, he was the one feeling the pain. The only way that you can get him back is by being a girl he would want to get back with, and you haven't exactly proven yourself in that department. You are expecting him to go back to feeling like you always made him feel just because now you want him.
If I were you, I would chalk this one up as a lesson learned.
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Right, well. First of all, you keep saying “you have no idea what ive been going through, you don’t understand” when this happens to girls all the time. You’re not the only one with a broken heart. In fact, this same exact thing happened to me last year. And I gotta tell you the truth: it doesn’t sound like hes coming back. Hes a senior, hes graduating, hes just gone. Im sorry. Besides, the poor kids heart was broken by you. He was feeling like you do a while back, but somehow boys manage to move on quicker. When my boyfriend broke up with me, I went into a deep, robotic depression. I rarely ever smiled, and I cried myself to sleep every night for 6 or 7 months. Actually, I cant remember any activities I did or anything I said or how bad I felt every day or anything. All I know is I was depressed and nothing could heal me. My ex still talked to me every now and again, but most of the time, I had to try my damned hardest to get him to say 2 words to me. This breakup was draining me of everything and taking out all of my will power to get up in the morning and put on a fake smile and say “no, im fine” to everyone.
But like I said, we talked very rarely, and when we did, I was the happiest person on the earth until he had to go or couldn’t talk anymore. This went on for 7 months, and then one night in December, he asked me back out. I cant even say how happy I was. We’ve been together since then.
I’m not saying that he’ll ask you back out, or even talk to you, all im saying is TRY. There is no possible way to MAKE someone come crawling back to you, after all that. Keep doing what you’re doing, text him, call him, keep trying to talk to him and tell him how very sorry you feel. Don’t try to get his pity. Just try to talk to him. It worked for me. It might work for you. Keep talking to your counselor. Hes not the only boy in the world, and if he makes you want to kill yourself, hes definitely not the best for you. On average, girls go through many many breakups and broken hearts until they find the right one. You just have to find the right one for you, and don’t give up on life just because of a boy.
Keep trying. Its not worth it. And you can take my word for it. I learned that a long time ago. Take care.
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this is a hit answer but try emailing this link t o him. it will takes somne guts but he will probably get a good insight into your perspecitive. its possible the reason he's 'moving on' is because he thinks its what you really want.
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Aww...that sucks.
But maybe he isn't the right type for you. If you think this guy is boring, maybe you should date a guy who can give you excitement instead. I think you love him because he loves you A LOT and you think he's sweet, but sometime you are going to have to move on. This kind of thing won't only happen once, so let this be a lesson :)
You should also tell the counsellor the whole thing, I'm sure they can help you.
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Aww honey :(
I'm so sorry you had to go through all of this. Life can be so cruel at times. But in these times we have to be strong.
I really believe that things happen for a reason. At times life has been so unbearably difficult for me too, especially when it came to relationships. But judging from what you said near the beginning about the relationship being boring, maybe he just wasn't the RIGHT guy for you. You probably love him like crazy, but sometimes we fall in love with the wrong person. I'm not saying that you or him are bad people. From what I've read the two of you seem to be really good people, and were able to build a great bond while it lasted. However, sometimes we tend to idealize how the relationship was when we are no longer in that relationship. Right now you believe that this was an amazing relationship but before you thought that it wasn't exciting. I don't think that the lack of excitement is his fault nor is it your fault. This was your first love and you will of course feel really upset about it for a while. But I think that if someone doesn't want to be a part of your life anymore, you just have to let them go. A similar thing happened to me and a few months ago I still used to cry about it but I have finally realized that there is no going back in life, only forward. So please don't do any more harm to yourself. You and I are nearly the same age and we have a long long life ahead of us. I can assure you that one day you will meet a guy that you will never feel bored with and that will fit very perfectly into your life. And the two of you will have a healthy and beautiful relationship together, without all the drama attached. Right now the best thing for you to do is to release all the frustration, sadness, anger, and unanswered questions from your life. Find yourself again. You aren't the same person you were before the relationship, so you have to rediscover what it is you want for your life. You have a beautiful future waiting for you to live it. Please do not waste this opportunity to live a happy life. I feel that I really can relate to you. :) I hope you make a full recovery for you.
PS: Don't listen to all the haters below. They don't matter. Right now the most important thing is your happiness. Take care, okay? <3
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Well, I am the mother of a son that was in an identical relationship. He was so in love and catered to this girl. I wondered if you were her, actually. (same age and everything). It was awful when they broke up and it took alot of him crying on my shoulder and trying to understand what was wrong with him. He didn't realize that he wasn't the problem. It took about 2 months but he did find the sweetest girlfriend (who didn't THINK she was "better than him" or higher socially - THINK being the key word). They both graduated a couple weeks ago. I wonder if he saw the other girl in the hall before he left! They are going to college together and plan to start a family afterward. I am so glad he started with the first girl even though it hurt him like hell, because now he can really appreciate what he has which is true love. they cater to each other and still have other friends. If it's any consolation, I think he probably still thinks of "what's her name" every now and then but she was his first love and lesson on love!! I hope you find happiness too. Please appreciate a good guy, cause I'm OLD and I know they are few and far between. It's only boring if you let it be. It is what you make it.
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From what i can tell you is this. Move one, forget about him, if he dont want you or dont want to have nothing to do with you theres nothing you can do about it. If you said everything to him and he still act the way he act then just forget it. I understand how it feels to love someone so much and you just cant forget bout them. But if thats the only choice you got then you gonna have to take it. And plus, no guy is worth the pain you been through you need to wake up see the main point here. If he put you through all this pain then he aint worth it. IF he got a girlfriend then leave them be. As i read through this i could see you been through alot, going to counceling, getting panic attacks, failing you dont need all that. You still young you have your whole life ahead of you. There are other boys out there, but what you really need is to stop thinking about him and get your life together before its to late. And another thing im not trying to blame you for yall break up but what you did was wrong. Cheating on him then thinking it was okay knowing how he felt about you. All i can say is just move on live your life dont let no boy control your life or get the best out of you.
Good luck :)
let me know how things goes!
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Honey, you ARE naive. He's probably just waiting for you to calm down. I know this is your first time to go through this, but it's going to happen plenty of more times. You have to learn to go with the flow and back off when people need space. You always wanted him to back off, now it's your turn to do the same. You've just got to stop and think clearly. Both of you do and say different things than you really mean. All this will be over someday, and you two will talk again. But when you're begging him, you're just feeding him the satisfaction he wants. He's going to keep doing this until you change. You have to MAKE him WANT to talk to you. I think it's your turn to ignore him now. People always want what they can't have. You think you can't have him, so you want him. Now you've got to turn this around and make him think he can't have you, and they will make him come crawling back. After time you'll learn how to play the game. And here's something you should remember: just because a guy cries and acts upset doesn't mean they're REALLY upset and it doesn't mean that they'll be upset later on. When they get home, they're going rethink it and their minds can change in an instant. So when he got home, I'm sure he did exactly what you were yelling at him to do.
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i've made huge mistakes like that. he stopped talking to me for 8 months. then again, we did end up going to the same school for the rest of high school.
i think you need to give it a lot of time, maybe the whole summer, then one day at the end of summer, just go visit him .. at his house? and say you wanted to talk. make it casual, etc..
maybe he was afraid that since hes a senior and youre a sophomore, you cant be together as often because he's going to college, maybe?
i understand its so hard. but what you need to do is stay out of your room as often as possible unless you feel confident enough not to cry or break down; you should be out with your friends and meet new people (not saying boys), and just enjoy yourself.
there are plenty of fairs going on since it's june, almost july. bring a friend on a family vacation with you. have a movie night with some close *friends*.
i get that you made a mistake, and like the other user said, you're lucky he talked to you at all. but thats what happens when you love someone.
"we love the ones who hurt us, and we hurt the ones who love us." it happens :/
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OK. This is your total fuckup, you broke his herat, tore it to shreds, and cheated on him, and expect him to take yuoou back, you were lucky that he talked to you at all. Move on. teres no chance that hell take you back unless hes a total dumbass, it seems that you basically walked all ver him, so hes better off with someone whos not controling, it sounds like he was great to you, so its your fault that you cant have him back, its over.
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OK, here's my recap.
You dated an older, less popular guy because it was cool he had a car. Then, you fell in love with him and dated him exclusively for about a year. Which I agree, is forever when your in high school. The relationship was not healthy however - the relationship was too consuming and damaged your other relationships. You report being "bored" but the rest of your language and your actions suggest that you were feeling smothered.
You started acting antagonistically and broke off the exclusive dating relationship. You tried to maintain a less close relationship, but I'm guessing neither of you had examples of healthy, loving friendships (with or without a sexual dimension) to work from. He continued to attempt to resume the relationship, but you kept stalling. When you heard gossip stating that he was ready to move on, instead of attempting to open a dialog with him, you threw a temper tantrum and broke off the friendship.
Shortly after that, he moved on and started dating again. You however, have not been able to move on.
I agree that you should bring this up with your counselor. I suggest you specifically ask the counselor to see if perhaps you show signs of passive-aggressive behavior or codependency. If so, your counselor should be able to help you modify your behavior so that future relationships will be healthier and more successful. They are not disorders or illnesses, they are unhealthy relationship patterns that our society encourages women to develop. I don't have enough information here to determine if you fall into either of them, but I do see hints of both in your description.
Honestly, very very few people fall in love once and stay with that person forever. Most people have a series of relationships where they learn how to be in a relationship before they settle down with someone for a long term relationship. Especially considering most people don't just mimic their parents relationships anymore, it takes some trial and error to actually learn how to be in a healthy relationship.
I don't suggest that you try to restart a relationship with him until you are mostly stable. His love can't fix what's broken in you. If you are religious, you may find solace in your beliefs. You should also talk to your parents and counselor about getting affirmations from those around you. It is reasonable to assume that you need to be reassured that you are loved (and loveable) and valued (and valuable). It's ok to ask your family and good friends to affirm this for you to help you build your self esteem. This is another topic that your counselor can discuss with you better than I can over the internet.
Also, give yourself time to grieve, but realize that the stages of grief are also applicable to the end of romantic relationships. Yet another topic you can discuss with your counselor. You can get through this, and you'll be stronger at the end of it.
Good luck with your healing process.
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Hi there,
I am glad you realize this is a self inflicted wound. I read the whole thing... more than once now, and there is something you should know:
Wounds like this don't heal. Sure, they hurt less with time, but what you did to him is something that will never allow him to trust you again. Sorry to put it just this way, but he would be stupid to take you back.
Why won't he "just be friends" with you? Well, I am guessing that he is smart enough to know that he will only be hurt again.
It is VERY obvious that he loved you with all his heart, right? And you cheated on him because he was too perfect and you couldn't get him to yell and scream at you no matter what? Because you were "bored" with the perfect man? Did I get that right? So why would the guy who loved you want to be "friends" with you, so he can watch you date other people?
Do you see where I am going with this? It is a rare soul that can just completely turn off their feelings. This means that seeing you with someone else will hurt him.
When you see him with another girl, how does it make you feel? Imagine what it would be like to be the one who didn't cheat, the one who did NOTHING wrong except love you too much and "bore" you with his love... watching you be with other men?
Your main question seemed to be about how it was possible for him to not care about all your efforts to get back with him: He is protecting his heart. He knows you = pain and he is smart enough to do the only thing that will stop the hurt: Get as far away from you as possible as fast as possible, never look at you again and never contact you again.
Let me ask you a question, and please answer with the truth as you only hurt yourself if you lie:
Do you really love this man? (Everyone who read your question knows the answer here)
... or do you just want him because he is something you can't have?
If you answered that you love him... then prove it! Leave him alone. If he ever wants to talk to you again, he will find you.
I don't know if you have, but if you haven't, please read your question to yourself, and do so out loud. You may see what the rest of us are seeing here:
He did everything for you.
Perfect gentleman.
Cared more about you than himself.
Gave you everything you asked for.
Loved you enough to be patient with your outbursts where you were trying to pick a fight.
... and you cheated on him just to piss him off.
Then he loved you enough to show his feelings and cry for the loss of his ability to trust you.
What did you do? While he was crying, you did what? Cry with him? Apologize? Get on your knees and beg for forgiveness? Nope:
"...he was crying instead of being mad, yelling at me. so i started saying things to make him mad.. i said TERRIBLE things. like i was gonna keep cheating on him because he basically lets me, and how i know i take advantage of him because he trusts me so much but i shouldnt.. "
... and he STILL loved you at this point.
So... exactly who wanted to break up? You screamed at him, saying terrible things and he said:
"...and he was like well maybe i have to break up with you then.. and he was like i really dont want to. and i was like fine just do it idont care! yelling at him and stuff.. and then he did."
He said HE didn't want to break up. YOU made a DECISION to break up. Even though he was willing to talk to you with all you put him through.
Remember this for later please: You decided to break up, and YOU said "...do it idont care!"
So what happened when he overlooked all you did to him and asked you to get the relationship going again? This:
"...but when he asked me back out, i kept saying no, i wasnt ready.."
... So, he asked you out and you said NO. You decided to make the break up happen and now you decided to refuse his offer of dating again.
Now what?
You told him it was not going to happen with you, so he told a friend he wanted to move on. This gets back to you and what happens? This:
"... i called him up screaming at him asking for all my stuff back and it was over for good and everything. but really, i wanted an appology from him, not my stuff back."
... and you wanted him to apologize for what exactly? What did he do wrong besides loving you, putting up with you and trying to get back together with you? You turned HIM down, remember that. That means you don't get an apology, capice?
Is it dawning on you yet that in each situation he did what you asked of him? You wanted to break up, so he did. You didn't want to get back together (you told him so) so he didn't try again, and respected your wishes.
I am guessing that the "hook up" idea was yours. I say this because he only "hooked up" with you until you told him that you would NOT date him again. After that, he went rebounding (which, is always a bad idea by the way) into another relationship.
Which brings us to this:
I don't think you love him. I am sorry to be so blunt, but I will bet in just 2 minutes you might agree with that statement, blunt as it is.
This:
"... i was devistated. i couldnt eat, i couldnt talk, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt go to school,, nothing. all i did was cry and cry and cry and cry."
... when did THAT happen? Was it when you told him you cheated on him? (Did the lightbulb come on?) No... it wasn't. When you told him you cheated, you were the hateful person on the planet towards him.
So when did this happen?
When you found out you couldn't manipulate him any more. When he PROVED that he was moving on. Basically when you found out that this was a done deal.
That means that the crying didn't come when YOU hurt him... the crying came when you lost the ABILITY to hurt him. I hope that doesn't hurt too much to realize.
Look back over your question, please?
He doesn't want to be hurt any more. Please consider leaving him alone to try and heal his heart.
I know from experience that you don't recover when a woman does something like this. It isn't possible to be the same person you were to the next person you love. You are only the broken version of yourself and you have to find someone who understands that and loves you the more for it.
Think of it like this: You only have one love to give. Let us think of it like a very fine vase.
It is beautiful and perfect at first. Then someone chips it a bit. :-(
Now you have a vase that is less pretty and perfect, even thought you did your best to glue the chip back. That means that the next person you offer your love to gets a damaged version.
Well, you took a sledgehammer to his love.
He cried instead of yelling when you broke his heart, so then what? You made it even more painful for him and ran over his love with a steam roller.
He offered to get back together with you and you dropped a bomb on the crushed fragments, which were all that was left of his heart.
So you see: Now he has to find someone who doesn't mind that his love is a pile of dust instead of a beautiful vase, perfect in every way.
It comes down to this:
You were playing games with his heart. Maybe you didn't realize it, but you were.
When you completely destroyed him, you didn't apologize... you screamed at him! You screamed the worst things you could think of to scream at him... because YOU screwed up.
You screwed up, and he gets screamed at. Does this sound like an incredibly unfair game, or what?
"...we had such a good relationship till i cheated and we Never ever had one fight. but you dont even understand. this kid wouldnt even look at any other girls, deleted all the girls in his phone book, couldnt go an hour without texting me just saying he loved me, couldnt go a day withouth seeing me, brought me flowers randomly, did EVERYTHING for me."
... and what you are now calling "such a good relationship" is the same thing you said sucked earlier, and the same reason you gave for cheating on him then telling him you would do it over again.
Do you see now? He did everything right, and you ripped his heart out for it. Now, the same reason you ripped his heart out is the reason you are telling us the relationship was so good!
It is like playing a game with no rules. Whatever he does, he gets hurt.
When he finally figured out that all you were going to do was keep hurting him no matter what he did... he cut all contact with you. He did it in self defense so you would stop hurting him.
Ok, enough here I guess. If you don't see what you have done at this point, nothing I will say will help make it clear to you.
Summary:
The bad news:
If he is smart, he will never talk to you again for the rest of his life except maybe to forgive you.
The good news:
You have real life experience in what NOT to do in a relationship.
Next time you feel "bored" with someone, just tell them. Break up with them and find someone who doesn't bore you.
Be advised: What you are doing is the "bad boy" thing. By your own admission here you wanted someone that would treat you badly. It only ends in one way: With your heart looking a lot like what is left of the heart belonging to the guy you tried to destroy.
You lucked into the guy that women always complain is too good to be true, or doesn't exist... and you threw it away, making him no longer that same person in the process.
Please leave your now ex alone. You have hurt him far more than anyone had a right to. His heart isn't ever going to heal, without a miracle, and there is no future between the two of you.
I hope you get over this, recover from it and learn... but that you never forget the pain you caused, so that you will never do it again.
If someone else is ever brave enough to trust you with their heart, please take better care of it.
Take care,
DN.
P.S. Please, please PLEASE discuss all of this with your therapist. Ask about Borderline Personalities and what those are like.
]
I don't mean to sound rude, but how come when he wanted you back, you didn't.
Now you want him back, and he doesn't- and somehow that's right?
Sorry, but you can't have it both ways.
If you want to talk to him and not beg for him back [because he's probably really annoyed by it now], then do it. Wait a few weeks. Call him, apologize for how, for lack of a better word, immature you've been, and maybe he might have a conversation with you.
In the meanwhile, hang out with your friends or keep up on your studies. You need something to keep your mind off of this kid.
--Jack
(17/m)
]
Your a drama queen bitch. Grow the fuck up and leave him alone.
]
hahaha, we're going to go at this until hell freezes over. awesome. Last time I checked, you're still the bitter little child, and I'm still the bored paratrooper who can't visit any more adult sites because his army computer has restrictions. You have no concept of valuing anybody's life but your own. try having to pick up the scattered parts of a five year old child after a suicide bombing, I'd like to see if that would even affect you. would it? probably not, since you've said you're so experienced in the ways of the world. if you were in any other place, you'd be either dead, or well into your fourth pregnancy, with half of your kids dead from malnutrition. now go play with your dolls, because clearly you're not ready to be a member of any society.
listen here, you little Harpy I'm not the one fucking up the lives of people I supposedly care about. Don't ever assume you know more than somebody half a decade older than you who's covered in scars. at least I have the courtesy to put my enemies out of their misery. maybe you'll find the person you deserve at some point in your so far self inflicted life, you certainly didn't deserve him.
good god, how much of that novel do you expect a drunk paratrooper to read? put this through a still and chop the bullshit out. dude's crazy. and trust me little girl, until you've been where I've been, you don't know a thing. I assure you, I understand, I understand that you're a self centered drama queen that loves to shit her problems onto other people. maybe he just got smart and got the hell out of dodge when he saw the chance.
-gunner
]
Your drama is so long and self indulgent that I only read half.
Leave this boy alone.
You are some animalistic being feeding off of good people. You need to be in a cage.
This "kid" loved you, and you couldn't have cared less, until he didn't. And you think he is some kind of whimp who will love you til' the end?
You, my dear, are dellusional.
He is Bill Gates, and you, well, you are a stripper at the nudie club by the airport, that nobody remembers but freaks.
Get over yourself. You think someone is lucky to be with you?
Why?
You think he had no life before you?
Now you want him back so you can make his life hell again?
He saw what a game playin' girl you are, and wake up sweetheart...he's NOT in love with you anymore.
HAHA.
I wish I knew his number to warn him that you may be jumping out of the bushes.
Bla, blah bla blah
On a more serious note:
If you can ever find someone who loves you like that again,
don't SCREW it up.
HaHa at your feedback. Truth is hard to take, huh?
You have the mouth of a stripper too, you'll fit right in at that nudie club by the airport in AnyTown, USA.
And hey, good news, you don't need to know how to spell to work there either, so you're good ! :)
]
This is tough...
On one side, I want to tell you to do what you can to get a hold of him and ask for once more chance to talk to him to see what he wants.
But on the other, I would say it might be better for you to just leave it go all together.
While the second might seem a bit harsh and even tough to consider doing, I think that you need to re-examine your feelings about him and about the relationship you had. If what you really want back are the things he's done for you and how he treated you, then rest assured - you can find someone to do the same for you again. However, if you feel that what you really did love was him as a person, then it might be different. Realize that what you did to him was, as much as you regret it now and can't undo it, very hurtful for him.
Try to find it within yourself to see if you can let go. Getting him back might not be realistic. More so, you've already been trying for some time now. It might even complicate things further now that he is going to college. Are you interested in just talking to him as friends? Or are you looking to get back to that cloud nine relationship you had? If you really are looking for a relationship, then don't keep trying for it.
But if you really are just looking to talk to him as a friend, then try to get in touch with him to let him know that and ask him if he'd want that. If he rejects talking to you or shows no sign of wanting to continue at this point in time, then do not continue to waste your time - you will regret it. Prioritize your family and friends, and make sure you give yourself time to enjoy the things you do. Relax with music, games, whatever! Continue your counseling and make sure you don't lose yourself over this. If you need help later on or maybe even sooner about this, feel free to get a hold of me. Hope that helped and good luck!
]
Oh my :(
I felt sad reading this.
It could be a dramatic love story or movie.
You just have to finish it with a great ending.
My advice, go to his house. ring the bell, ask for him. If you acctually are able to talk to him then tell him how badly you messed up and how much you want him back, start crying. It's harder for people to ignore you when it's just the two of you alone. Trust me.
I really really hope this works.
I want it to work.
I want to cry for you honey.
This is one of the saddest things I have ever heard.
If you do get him back don't do anything to hurt the relationship ever again.
He sounds like such a sweet guy.
I can tell you still love him.
I have been (still am) in love with the most amazing guy ever the other day I was at a party and my ex was there, so I left with my boyfriend.
I feel so sad for you.
I hope things work out.
If he doesn't want to go back out with you at least ask if you can be friends.
It may seem awkward at first but it's better then losing him for good.
Please rate.
And tell me how things work out.
I am praying and crying for you.
Email me. :)
]
Obviously you understand that this was wrong. Cheating because a relationship is boring is stupid. You should've talked to him about it so that something could've been done to make the relationship better.
I honestly DO NOT blame him for shutting you out. You cheated on him, took advantage of him, and then said things you knew would hurt him so that he would dump you. Do you honestly think he would let you back in & be your friend again?
You broke his trust. You do not deserve his trust. I don't know why you think that he should forgive you when what you did is terrible. I think if you want to get back into his life, you need to slowly ease your way back into his life.
I suggest just sending him a text. Nothing like "I LOVE YOU, PLEASE COME BACK." Just send him a text that says "I heard about what happened with you & so & so. I hope you feel better, and if you need anyone to talk to, I'm always here. Just so you know." If he doesn't respond, I would just back off. If he does respond, then get to talking with him again and see what can happen.
If you do happen to get back together (which I honestly doubt), make sure you have an open communication with him. Things cannot work if you do not communicate. And communicating is not yelling at each other about the things you hate. Communicating is sitting down and calmly discussing the issues at hand & finding a solution or a half-way point so that things can get better. And if you find yourself wanting to break up again, tell him things aren't working out but you'd like to stay friends. That way you're still in each others lives and you're not left with an empty feeling.
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