Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84123
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i feel suffocated around my family because i ALWAYS hang out with them and it is boring and whenever i hang out with my friends my mom WOULD keep calling me and annoying me about what time im coming home, always worried about me even though i dont go out with my friends that much because of my mom and my family, im already 19 and its still like this and thats why i dont feel happy when i hang out with my family because i always hang out with them anyway, is there anyway i can hang out with my friends longer? sometimes i cant enjoy hanging out with my friends because my mom would call me asking where i am all the time. (link)
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Trust is the most important bond that you need to create with your family now. I am surprised to hear that you are 19, and your mother still calls you often when you are out with friends. Time to let go. You're mom may just be overly cautious and have a lot of anxiety about you getting in an accident or something. Well not much you can do about that. I mean the chances are slim to none, but if she doesn't believe it now, when will she ever.
But if it is just a matter of trusting you to do the right thing, when confronted with drinking too much, or drugs, or guys who are jerks...then you need to verbalize to her that you are smarter than that, and not about to jeopardize your future over something like that.
Good luck to you
Michele
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is in normal to skip your peoride if you dont get enough sleep
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You will skip your period if you don't eat enough. If you suspect you may be abusing your body by not getting enough sleep, you may also be abusing your body by not eating enough. Women need that layer of fat to begin to menstruate. Gymnists and runners often will miss periods, or begin their cycles late in life because they don't have enough body fat.
If you don't think it is from not eating enough, then I can tell you that STRESS can cause you to miss a period once in a while.
Michele
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What does it mean when a guy says he wants to teach you about life? We are both 16 and i'm not sure what he means. I have been friends with this guy since I was in second grade. He has always been like a brother to me, so I dont think that this has anything to do with sex. We have never dated or done anything. He helps me when I'm in trouble, but i'm not a bad peron who gets into trouble either. I've never had any desires or urges to become sexual with him and he hasnt either, sometimes he tells me I'm like one of the guys.People keep telling me its only about sex thats why I'm sying its not. He keeps our relationship non sexual, fully respects me, never says anything sexual and is always being nice to me,so what did he mean he wanted to teach me about life?
(link)
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It could mean that he thinks you are going down a wrong path, a path that could bring you pain and and sorrow, and he wants to talk about it with you. You seem to have a mutually respectful relationship, so he may think that you will listen to him.
Or he may want to clue you in to what guys are REALLY like. He may think so much of you that he wants to help you protect yourself against guys who are just out to use you, and the ones who could really care, and how to tell the difference.
Which is very important. If that is what he is trying to do, then you should listen, because only guys know guys best!
He sounds like a good friend and you are lucky to have him.
Good luck to you.
Michele
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My mom is very controlling and easily jealous. My freshman year of highschool I did very bad in school. Ever since then I have worked very hard. My cummalitive gps is now a 3.6 I worked really hard and pretty much gave up a big portion of my social life. I've always wanted to go to college away and live there. I'm a junior now and I was talking to my mom about colleges I'd like to attend. Her response was "what you can't leave me, if you go away I'm not giving
you any money for college" so I later said to her "me and Hillary are going to get an aparment and go to a college close by and it will be cheaper anyway." my mom says "what no I don't think so, your not living with her. If you two want to live at our house then that's fine and you should just go to the college down the street." it's literally right down the street, I could walk there. That was how the conversation was
pretty left. But then one time we were talking about where i'd like to live after college and I move out. I was like "when I'm older and married I'd like to move to south Carolina, or somewhere like that" my mom had a very similar response
to the one about college. I can't tell her when I have boyfriends or anything because she gets crazy jealous. She also tells me way too much and wants too much from me. This one time my friend and I were going to this concert we were excited about for months. The day before my mom goes "I don't really want you going there I'll buy you a new coach purse and matching wallet if you don't"..how could I pass an offer like that up? She does this all the time and I just don't
know what to say or do anymore...help!? (link)
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Hi Dear,
You're going to have to learn to pass up offers like a new coach purse and matching wallet. If you don't understand yet that all offers come with strings attached, then you will be accepting gifts from people who are up to no good.
You want your mom to change and become more flexible, less controlling, less jealous and less needy. Well she has to want to change, you can't change her.
But I agree that you should go away to college. (assuming there is money for that) And that of course you should spend some time sharing an apartment with a friend so you learn about supporting yourself and all the responsibilities that go along with that. You're mom should be encouraging you to do that. Not holding you back.
If you were my daughter and we working hard to keep your grades up enough to get into a good college, and/or were living on your own and supporting yourself by working hard, I would buy you a matching coach bag and wallet as a gift to show you how proud I am of you and to acknowledge that you are smart enough to realize that you have bills to pay and responsibilities, and they come first...before you can buy your own coach bag. (I hope I am making myself clear.)
Your mom's problems with neediness and control started long before you were born. You can't fix them. Be sure that she will also start to use guilt to keep you at home with you, when the promise of gifts stop working.
If you let your mom win this control game using guilt or wonderful gifts, you'll never have a life and you'll never be your own person.
Stand up for yourself. This world is a wonderful place and with an education you can go far and have control over your life and destiny.
Don't settle for anything less.
- Michele
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Hello, I am very shy around girls typically. Im in highschool and I play football(Im pretty built- just to describe myself- not to act conceited). Anyway,Im very shy around girls, and cant even talk to girls. There is a girl that I have my eye on, I see her at school and in the halls (she isnt in any of my classes). Also,I see her at the gym every now and then and she walks by me twice while im lifting. I dont know if thats her way to walk or if she is giving me a signal. I have never talked to her, but I think she knows my face because I see her at school and the gym. Also, I cant stop thinking about this girl. What im asking is, should I talk to her? if so where(gym or school)? what should I say? I dont want to come of as weird although im very shy. Please help me change my life for the better.
I really appreciate it. (link)
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Yes I think you should talk to her, and at the gym would be best, you can say, Hey don't I see you around at school? I know that sounds lame, but if he is hoping that you'll talk to her, it won't matter what you say.
The other way to break the ice is to pay a compliment, or ask a question that would indicate that she knows something more that you do about something.
1.) you can say, hey you look really good in that color. (but sort of a "come on"
2. you could say." Hey I see you are wearing a pair of "Adidas (or whatever)" I need a new pair of sneakers and haven't made up my mind yet. would you recommend that brand?" Again I know it is kind of lame for young people, but adults use those kinds of "ice breakers" all the time.
Another way to break the ice maybe at school, is if you know she showed some guy up, or bitchy girl, you know, I mean stood up to them, you can tell her. "I though it was so cool that you stood up to that person." Or if she did well in a class and aced it. you could say. " Hey I heard you passed chemistry. Way to go! I have always had a hard time with that class"
This is "small talk" it is an art, really, and once you master it. You'll be able to use it in so many situations. If you are still nervous, try it on someone you are not attracted to romantically, and see how it works.
Here is the secret: PEOPLE LOVE TO TALK ABOUT THEMSELVES TO ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN.
Hope this helps dear and good luck to you.
Michele
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Ugh it's so annoying; my ears have been all blocked up since a school trip on Wednesday. We took a plane and my ears, of course, got blocked up. Really bad. It's getting pretty hard to hear.
And on top of all that, I have a cold. My mom says it's from my cold, I think it's from the plane....anyways...owN
How do you pop your ears? Other than holding your nose and blowing, cuz that hasn't helped. Also, a way to decongest yourself.
I apreciate all comments :]
-M (link)
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I think it is from both. And you probably got the cold from the plane. They re-filter the same air over and over so if someone on board has a cold.....guess what. You (and everyone else on board) catches it.
Try chewing gum.
Michele
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I have asked you about if this guy likes me the one who has the race car? Well last night I got drunk and I just wanted to stay with him just wanted someone to cuddle with he was like you want to stay or just need somewhere to go I said I wanna stay with you hes like let me shower and see whats up. So I text him back he was talkin to a buddy. He was like the place is a mess laugh out loud. And I said if you dont want me to come over just say no ive been told worse he was like I have tried gettin you over here before silly. Well he quit textin I got upset and got my dd to ride by his house. His truck wasnt even there. He does have a garage where he keps his car maybe he was changing is oil or something? I text him tonight what happened last night he never text back. What do you think is going on? (link)
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Well, saying the place is a mess and he doesn't want you to come over because he won't have a chance to clean it...that is like something a girl would say, and it is something she would say when she doesn't want to see someone, because it is more polite. And even though you said to just come clean and tell you the truth, some people just can't bring themselves to say what they think might hurt their feelings.
My guess is that he is still interested in you, but he already had plans, and most likely with a girl, but he didn't want to tell you because he wants to keep the chance that he has with you open. So he let you down easy. If I were you, I would stop calling him and texting him, and wait for him to contact you. Because then and ONLY then, are you sure that it is you he is interested in. Then say yes or no, but at least it will be you making the decision, or making an excuse. I hope this is clear. It really is the only way to stop the guessing. Wait for him to come to you, it won't be when you want him to, it won't be when you are ready. It will be when he is ready, and that will be the best time. Because then you will have his undivided attention. And don't drink when that happens, so you can be sure you understand everything, as well as how you are feeling.
Michele
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I worked all week, on a computer and watch tv and am alwasy reading or focusing with my eyes. Recently my right eye has been hurting me especially when i focus for long periods of time or when i look up? What is this and how do i stop the pain?? Also when i close my eeys and gently push on my eye it hurts??? (link)
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This is what works for me.
Get some ALL NATURAL green tea, in tea bags. Brew a cup. then cool off, cold is best so put the brew in the refrigerator. You'll need an eyedropper or empty visine bottle. Just to be safe I cleaned mine with alcohol, then let it dry. When the tea was cooled off, I put it in the eye dropper, then put drops in my eyes. the relief was IMMEDIATE. Don't ask my why it works....I am not even sure why I tried it. I was desperate, and had already tried visine. It wasn't working. So I tried the green tea, mostly because I knew that tea is safe to use in or on your eyes.
I still use it today and it still works, every time.
Because I have the same issues with pain from too much computer time, as you do.
Michele
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I'm 19 and I broke up with my boyfriend after 1 year of going out, and i haven't stopped crying. Thing is, i dont know why i feel like the worst person. Me graduating year 12 was the proudest moment of my life, because i dropped out the first time due to mental health issues, and when i went back the following year(2009) it took a lot for me to actually stick around, but i did it, despite all the hell i had been through during the year and before it...My boyfriend ruined my grad night by getting drunk with his sisters and house mate and making me look like a complete fool. It was also right after 2 of my closest friends passed away too so I was heartbroken that he'd do such things.
On Christmas day, which was our first christmas together, he spent the day being drunk and flirting with another girl who used to have a crush on him then he got violent because i told him to behave and stop being an idiot.
Then, earlier this year, he beat me. Of course he was drunk, but that's no excuse. I ended up having to call my dad at about 1am to come pick me up, there ended up being a fist fight between them.
There have been other things too, like him defending his housemate/friend instead of sticking up for me when he was being a jerk. drinking behind my back then lying about it even after i caught him...etc.
Why am i feeling like this? after everything he has done to me and the hell he put me through time and time again, why am i feeling like the bad one here? :(
I don't want to go back to him, because i know it will just start all over again, but i hate hurting people, i really hate seeing people cry. (link)
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I believe that the reason you feel so bad is that you had so many hopes and dreams about this relationship. Afterall you have been going together for a year. So you thought the relationship had what it takes to become a lifelong, loving, committed relatioship. He believed that he loved you and cherished you and would always respect you and protect you.
Well it certainly hasn't turned out that way, so it is no wonder that you feel that way. But if I were you. I would thank the gods above that you have recognized that this boy is not going to make you happy. He is incapable of being in a loving relationship because of his drinking. His emotional growth is stunted. You are growing and maturing, evening though you are having a hard time, and some bad things have happened. You still want a future and I see a bright one for you. You are a smart girl. I wouldn't worry about him crying. Did he care that he made you cry, did he care that you were upset about the death of your friends. The alcohol makes him feel and act like a child, so all he can do is fight, lash out, argue and cry. Don't let him manipulate you.
Know this my dear. Life is full of disappointments. Can't avoid them. But don't be a disappointment to yourself. Find another man to love and cherish you and don't settle for less.
Good luck to you
Michele
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Me and my wife have been together 3 years. We have an adorable 8 month old son. We love each other and care about each other. But we fight badly, and up until recently it had never gotten physical. I have never hit her or done anything physical back, until today. We were arguing a little and I was holding my son while she was getting ready for church. The fight kept escalating until she came up and hit me twice in my left ear(have ear infection there) I was infuriated. I set the baby down and walked over to her and threw a glass into the wall. She said keep it up. So I snatched her makeup case and threw it into the wall. She then attacked me. And I held her down. She wants out, I don't (link)
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This is not OK, and it is never OK for either one of you to resort to physical violence. But I need a lot more information in order to help you. I think any of the advisors here would like more info also. What are the fights about? What were they about before, when the marriage first started, and what are they about now. It is the same subject matter. It is the same things over and over again. Any more details you can give would be helpful.
And don't think that the baby is too young to realize what is going on. They can tell. And since having the baby didn't stop the arguments, then I guess that we can expect that that child is going to grow up in an abusive home? That is not good.
Please write more info if you want some constructive answers.
Michele
ADDENDUM
OK, something still sounds odd here. Something is going on. Normally people can get upset about being late, but how long does that last, five minutes?!?!? Then they get over it, it shouldn't escalate into physical fights. When you love and respect someone, you should never say or do anything in a fit of rage, because it cannot be taken back. It hurts. And you are hurt, I completely understand.
Something else is going on here.
Since you are the one that is writing, and you are the one that is interested in staying together and you certainly seem smart and reasonable.
I think it is time to play detective. No I don't mean fall her around to see if she is cheating on you. I mean use your intuition. Think about the way she behaved all these years. Did little things like this get her upset? What made her the most upset? Do they compare with the way she is acting now. I mean you need to determine if this is something outside, or something inside like depression. Maybe someone is bothering her at work. Maybe she had too much pressure on her at work or home or with the baby.
I hope the birthday surprise puts her is a better mood and makes her realize how much you care.
But most of all, when things are good between you, you need to talk to her in a kind way, and tell her how much these things hurt you, BUT you must validate her feelings, or you'll put her on the defensive. Acknowledge her anger and say something like, " I know you wouldn't get that angry over this", or "you wouldn't say something like that to hurt me, unless you were real upset about something. and I want you to know that whatever it is, you can talk to me about it. I want to be there for you. And I will do my best to help."
Then maybe you'll find out that it is just something easily fixed, like more time for herself.
I hope this helps.
good luck to you.
Michele
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hey, i've noticed that i get really depressed around my period, or like right before i get it. I cry at everything, i feel so sad and depressed and i'm also really irritable. I tell my mom i'm getting my period and she understands so that helps but its really... inconvenient i guess haha. i mean it sucks to feels depressed and hopeless for like a week straight, and i'm always snapping at people around me. does anyone have advice of how to help these PMS symptoms or anything??? thank youuuu (link)
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Yes what you have is PMS, Pre-menstrual syndrome.
It is caused by your hormones which can fluctuate during the month. Spike up, then down, then up again. There are Over the Counter medications for this, but I can't verify that they work. I am all about natural remedies. I would recommend that you take Oil of Evening Primrose. It will help with many PMS symptoms, and even helps with cramps. (if you get them) Take one a day, every day of the month, even when you don't have your period and whether or not you feel good. It is an all natural product. For more info and remedies you can go to www.earthclinc.com And look up your symptoms, PMS, what ever you like and you will find natural remedies that worked for other people.
Oh, I have been taking Oil of Evening Primrose for 20 years. And when I went through menopause, I never ever noticed a difference and I never ever had a hot flash. So tell your mom about it too. It can help her. It is good for your skin and hair too.
Hope this helps
Michele
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I just broke up with my long-distance boyfriend 2 days ago because I couldn't handle the distance. I really do still love him, and I'm not handling the break up well.
We decided mutually to be friends, but it's not really working. He's being unusually mean to me (which is to be expected I guess, since it's only been 2 days). This is too hard on me, and every time I end a call with him I end up crying. My feelings for him are still strong, but I do want to stick with my decision. Today we planned to chat at a certain time, and it's about 2 hours past & he's nowhere to be found.
My question is: should I cut off all contact? I really would like to be friends, but I can tell it is clearly going to take me some time. Also, if I do decide to cut all contact..should I tell him or just do it?
Btw, I'm leaning more towards the 'just doing it' option, without telling him, because after I talk to him it usually leaves me wanting to talk to him again. If I just stop contact, I won't have a chance to talk to him first. My only concern with this option is that when I am ready to be friends (maybe a month or so down the line), he won't want to speak with me/be my friend because I did the no contact thing without telling him. Ahh, please any advice would help!! I just want to be happy again. Thank you.
(link)
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HI afvs,
It is always best to end as friends. Because you are right, you will some day see each other down the road, and you'll be glad that it ended in a friendly manner. And there is no reason not to be friends, you have not done such horrible things to each other that you would not want to be friends some day. The decision to break off the relationship because you didn't like being in a long distance relationship is a mature decision to make. No one likes long distance relationship. And many of them do break up for the same reason that you want to break up yours. And of course it is sad. You had a lot of hope when you met him and thought that you would both be able to overcome the distance thing. There is no shame in not being able to overcome it. It does not mean that you are selfish, it means that you are normal. And yes it is going to hurt. There is no way to get through life without experience the pain of lost love. We have all gone through it. There is not way to make it stop hurting any faster, than exactly what you said. YOu guess you need some time, and yes you do. It will take time. But instead of breaking things off completely why not suggest the date and time of your next call and make it three days or a week from now. It will be easier. You'll have a few things to share, and then say goodbye again. If he asks again about when he could call, give him a later date and time. And it will all just fall off naturally. Because he does understand the relationship is over, and he is going to find other things to take up his time.
And if he is being mean it is because he is hurt. But that does not make it acceptable. Call him out on it. And don't copy him. Always be kind. But firm, and you will get through it.
Good luck to you dear.
Michele
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What is the conflict in Iran about? What happened with nuclear weapons or something? I have to do an assignment about Iran, but I don't know anything about it so I thought it would be good to find out be fore i started :) If someone could give me a brief summary?
Thanks! (link)
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Iran says it does not have nuclear weapons power, and does not want nuclear weapons power. They do however want nuclear power for electricity. We don't believe them. We and other nations believe that Iran will use it's nuclear power for domestic use, to build nuclear bombs. It is a stand off.
Not over yet.
There is lots of info about it all over the internet. check out MSNBC.com
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You responded to my question about a guy I have liked forever and being a race car driver...thanks for the info it really helped me out. About the whole sex thing...one night I did stay with him, we both have been drinking, he started kissin on me and felt me up and just touched "areas" it didnt offend me but he did stop and we went to sleep. In the morning when I woke up, he was downstairs on the couch. He acted weird for about a day but then things went back to normal. Did he possibly feel bad for the kissing and touching? I was talking about that night to him tonight and he said he was enjoying it that night. That night we also rent for a ride with one of my friends and got something to eat, he said I want you to stay so take your friend home and come back. So I am willing to wait for him because I have had a big crush on him and I actually got out of a relationship a month ago so im not trying to rush into anything. Thanks for the answer to the first question I asked! (link)
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Sounds like you are both being cautious and careful. That is good. You both have a wonderful life ahead of you. And maybe together, maybe not. But wonderful nonetheless. If you both put off sexual intercourse until you are ready. And when and if you do decide to start having sex, please get on some form of birth control, and also use a condom. It doesn't make you cheap, it makes you smart.
Thanks for replying to my answer. It does encourage me.
Michele
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okk..there is a guy in my life but he is my bestest friends brother....i told him about my crush on her bro but she hates me for liking him...the other thing is that he is 7 yrs older to me..am 15...but i dont mind the age...its been since 4 yrs since i have been in a serious crush wd him...
now i am talknig to him through messages on facebook but suddenly he has deactivated his acct??i duuno wht to do..
help...i love himm..!! (link)
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HOney, I am sorry, but you are way to young for this guy. He is a young man, and he know that you are what they call "jail bait". Sorry, that is an old fashioned term, not used much today, but it is still true. He can get in serious trouble with the law if he seeks out a relationship with you. He is a man in the eyes of the law, you are a minor. Even if you consent, even if you chase him, even if you lie to him that you are older, (I know in this case you cannot because he knows you thru his sister) But even if you did all these things, and he gave in( because I am sure that you are attractive) HE could go to jail, and be branded as a sex offender for life. His parents would spend a fortune on lawyers defending him. For the rest of his life it would affect what jobs he could take, where he could live, and maybe even whether or not he could go to college.
Now these laws are waived when two 15 year olds get together. He would not be exempt. I implore you to leave this young man alone. Some day you too will be 18, and these things won't matter. Now they matter a lot.
Good luck dear
Michele
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I like an 18 yr. old junior at my high school. I'm a 15 yr. old freshman. He smokes cigarettes and pot, and drinks. I do none of these. He is nothing like most druggies. He is caring, friendly, smart and motivated. He has plans of college and later life. I promised myself I would never get involved with a guy that does drugs but I have an attraction to him. Should I keep trying to get him or just stop because of how different we are even though we are friends? Thanks. (link)
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It is good that you are both friends. Use the time and friendship to get to know him better. Watch to see whether or not he is going to let drugs and alcohol cause problems in his life. Many of us have tried drugs and alcohol, the attraction to some thing that is forbidden is so strong. Which is probably why you are attracted to him. If he is as nice as you say he is. He may realize that drugs and alcohol will close more doors than they will open. Smoking too! I mean it is sooo expensive. Most smokers started at a young age. Nicotine in cigaretts is one of the MOST addictive drugs on earth. When you are an adult with a 3 pack a day habit at $7.00 a pack. That is 21 dollars a day, that is $7,665 a year. A three pack a day habit is not unusual among adult smokers.
So, if you see him getting in trouble due to being high on drugs on drunk on alcohol or just not caring what happens when he is under their influence, then I think you should stick with your original plan and not date anyone who drinks or does drugs. Your original plan was sound and made good sense then and makes good sense now. You are going to be attracted to a lot of guys who may not be a good influence on you. Stay true to your plans and your convictions and you won't go wrong. Yes some day you will meet and be attracted to a guy who has the same values as you do. It rarely happens at your age. Guys just don't think like girls at this age. They do mature later. Now they want to play have fun and experiment. Push the envelope, so to speak. It is normal. But they can leave a long trail of broken hearts behind them, before they mature and really start to think about what they want, and what they are willing to change and/or work at to achieve it.
Good luck to you dear
Michele
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So i used to like this guy since the beginning of the school year...five months later he found out from one of my friends that i liked him...we started talking and then ended up haning out...he doesn't drive so one of his friends was going to drive us to the movies....it was me, him, and a whole bunch of his other friends all squeezing in one car....we ended up going to one of his friend's houses and then all his friends left to go pick up their other friend...i didn't want to stay at the house alone with him because the whole time i was thinking...oh my gosh...i feel set up, i feel like they are are going to make up lies about the whole situation so we should have never stayed.....while we were at the house, we talked...and he ended up wanting to do stuff/get down...but i told him i'm not that type of girl that i have to get to know him....so we ended up just kissing/making out....a while later he decided that since i wasn't down for anything he was going to call his friend to come and get us....so they all came back...and they thought we had done something but we didn't do anything....the next day i started hearing all kinds of rumors that he had spread that he and i had gotten down and i had given him head!!! oh my gosh i was freaking out...but i decided to keep calm and just ignore it.....i knew he was just saying all that stuff to look cool.....so now a month later.....i hear more rumors that he is still talking about it saying that i was in love with him and the same things about us getting down...it really hurts me, and i have dealt and ignored with it long enough......so i feel like it time that i confront him about it....if you guys have any advice about the situation please tell me because i am so desperate to know what you guys think...i know the whole thing is my fault...i should have never agreed to go to his friends house and let them leave us there because anyone would think we were doing stuff...and i know no matter how hard i try people will keep thinking that..even though nothing happend....it just hurts to be called a slut, which is something i know i am not...i just don't know how to deal with this so whatever advice you guys might have thank you so much...sorry if this was long (link)
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Well confronting him may feel good for a few minutes, but it will show him that he succeeded in bothering you. And it could give him incentive to continue. Ignoring him is best, because eventually he will be talking about someone else. What would be best though would be to get him back. Starting rumors about him, especially his manhood would be a great way to get him back. Maybe not start a rumor at all, just make a joke about it to his face in front of his friends. Some like. "give you head???? Yeah sure, if you could get it up! Can you actually get an erection? Maybe you should try Viagra. Then walk away, real fast. with your head up and your nose in the air. If you could have a couple of friends with you who start to laugh at him, that would be great. And his friends will laugh at him too. I don't know, with this you are taking a chance that this problem won't go away until you are both out of high school, but it is fun. He may try to get you back. But continue to ignore it. But don't trust him either, and never, ever be alone with him again, cause he may try to force himself on you, just to get back at you. Guys can be real jerks. You already know this guy is a jerk.
Michele
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I have my first ever appointment coming up.
Can someone just walk me through a typical appointment? What should I expect? (link)
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Ok, it is has been a while, but I think I can give you some idea. First of all, your age is important. Are you going with a parent or not? But, I guess I'll have to answer without that knowledge. If you are going with a parent, then you can request that your parent NOT be in the room when you talk to the doctor. Also a nurse should be present during the exam.
She will ask you if you are sexually active? She will ask you if you perform self-breast examination for lumps. she will ask you if you have any questions. She will ask you about your menstrual cycle. When was the last one, how long did it last, how many days in between, etc. She will ask you if you have any pain upon menstruation.
If you have not been sexually active yet, she will want you to have the HPV vaccine. If you have already been sexually active, she won't be able to give it to you. If you are sexually active she will want to give you an internal exam. (hey I am saying she because I am assuming that you are going to a female OB/GYN)
She will ask you to strip and give you a johnny coat to wear, Tie it in front, and a paper sheet to put over your legs while sitting on the examining table. she may show you how to correctly perform a self breast exam. She may listen to your lungs front and back with a stethoscope. She will ask you to lie back. She may palpitate your stomach to feel if your liver or spleen is enlarged, and ask you if it hurts. Then she will ask you to put your heels in the convenient stirrups that are on either side of the table.It is a very uncomfortable position. Not painful,just awkward. Then the part of the examination table that your legs were on drops down. She sits down and is now facing you. You can't see much of what she is doing in this position. She will insert a tool called a specula. It is cold and metal, but nowadays some doctors heat them up. Once it is inserted they expand it. It doesn't hurt. There is also a bright light shining on you. Then she does a visual exam of your uterus and ovaries, then she inserts a little wooden spatula sort of thing, and takes a small piece of your cervix. You will feel a small pinch. This tissue is sent to the lab to test for cervical cancer. (A major killer of women, so this is most important.) Then with the specula still in there she will insert her fingers and feel around while pressing on your stomach. She is feeling around in there to be sure that everything is normal, and looking for any abnormalities or cysts on your ovaries. If you feel any sharp pains during this part, you must let her know. Sometimes we have cysts on our ovaries, and they come and go, and can be painful. Sometimes they don't go and have to be removed. Then she may also do a rectal exam. On or two fingers, very fast. just to check for polyps.
Exam over. The whole thing does not take long.
I know it can be very nerve wracking. I hated going when I was young, now I don't think twice about it. I agonized about it for weeks. But I went every year, once a year, especially for the pap smear. And in order to get a script for birth control, you need to have this exam.
Then if you are interested in birth control, be sure and ask her all about it, so you can decided which method my be best for you.
Hope this helps.
Michele
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I noticed a bumb under my eye (like a little less then an inch from my eye) and its gotten bigger over the course of when I first noticed it (two days ago) and it's tender when I touch it. My aunt is a retired nurse and when she looked at it she said it may be a sinus infection. I have had a headache recently. Is a bump in this area normal for a sinus infection? Has anyone had this before?
Thanks (link)
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I don't think it is a sty. If you aunt was a nurse, then I think she would recognize a sty. A sty is a bump right on the rim of your eye and it swollen and painful and red and can interfere with your sight. It does sound like a sinus infection. You have sinus cavities on both sides of your nose, in the area under your eyes. They can indeed cause swelling and they can cause headaches. For a true diagnosis of an infection, you need to see a doctor, because you'll need antibiotics.
Michele
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I have known this guy forever. A guy thats like my big brother and him are best friends and I guess one day my big brother gave him my number. We usually text everyday, we have hung out some times too. I really have a crush on him. We havent had sex and we flirt and theres tension between us, and he has even got drunk before and wanted me to come over to have sex and he will joke on me but still talks to me. He has a racecar and is usually busy 9 months outa the year and I understand and accept it, but do you think he might like me or not? (link)
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Well I think it is obvious that he would like to have sex with you. But if it is love that you want, then don't settle for sex. The more you hold out, the more he will desire you. He will come to understand that you are not easy and that you don't just take your clothes off for anyone. And since he is a race car driver I would guess that he has a big ego and that lot of girls are after him.
He will come to believe that you are special. And he will always think of you that way, if you continue to avoid having sex with him. Flirt all you want, and tell him you think he is special. that is OK. Then some day, (and it won't be soon) he will want to settle down, and I can assure you he WON'T be interested in any of the girls that he has already had sex with. So it is up to you dear. You can hold out until he is ready to commit, but you'll have to be patient. Or you can let him sweet talk you into going to bed with him, and soon after that, you'll never hear from him again. And when you do run into him and he barely acknowledges you.....you'll feel cheap and used. Men have not changed, not for hundreds of years. They always want free, unencumbered sex, they will always ask for it, and always make you feel like you are the most important person in the world, at that moment. But when you give in, they soon forget you. I guess it is just their nature. Sure some day they grow up, and realize that is not the kind of life they want to live, so they change for the better. That is when you want to be around, and that is when, the less "experience" you have, the better your chances. (I hope I am making myself clear.) And please allow to me say here. Of course they are exceptions to every rule. We all know some high school sweethearts that got married and years later are still crazy about each other. But that is rare. The chances that this guy is looking for a long term relationship and already knows that he wants to marry you some day and you be the mother if his kids, well those chances are slim to none. So don't go there, girl!
Hope this helps
Michele
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