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Why do I feel this bad?
I'm 19 and I broke up with my boyfriend after 1 year of going out, and i haven't stopped crying. Thing is, i dont know why i feel like the worst person. Me graduating year 12 was the proudest moment of my life, because i dropped out the first time due to mental health issues, and when i went back the following year(2009) it took a lot for me to actually stick around, but i did it, despite all the hell i had been through during the year and before it...My boyfriend ruined my grad night by getting drunk with his sisters and house mate and making me look like a complete fool. It was also right after 2 of my closest friends passed away too so I was heartbroken that he'd do such things.
On Christmas day, which was our first christmas together, he spent the day being drunk and flirting with another girl who used to have a crush on him then he got violent because i told him to behave and stop being an idiot.
Then, earlier this year, he beat me. Of course he was drunk, but that's no excuse. I ended up having to call my dad at about 1am to come pick me up, there ended up being a fist fight between them.
There have been other things too, like him defending his housemate/friend instead of sticking up for me when he was being a jerk. drinking behind my back then lying about it even after i caught him...etc.
Why am i feeling like this? after everything he has done to me and the hell he put me through time and time again, why am i feeling like the bad one here? :(
I don't want to go back to him, because i know it will just start all over again, but i hate hurting people, i really hate seeing people cry.
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hey there.
Okay firstly let me commemorate you on being so amazingly strong.
Im so sorry to hear about all the stuff youve had to go through thats a huge amount that many would not be able to cope with..but you it seems as if youve come through it as a strong brave independant person.
You ask yourself why you feel this way?I don't know you but I think its safe to say from reading this its because you are a truely kind hearted good willed person. it almost seems as if you care for others more then yourself even if they have done you wrong.I get that I used to be like that.
Its great to care about others it shows what a loving person you are but there comes a time when you have to learn that some people genuinely don't deserve that or arent worth your time or effort.I'm sure you realise that you wouldnt have left your boyfriend otherwise.You need to think of your self for once.Your not being selfish by doing that..you are just having self worth. thats natural and we need that..we don't need people abusing us or taking us for granted.
This jerk used your good nature and took advantage of it don't in a second feel sorry for him or feel bad because you are one million times better off without him. remember that you deserve so much more in life never forger that :)
Youl find someone who will actually respect you and love you..I know that sounds cliche and everyone says that but honestly if you keep possitive and strong the right person isnt far away.
I really hope this helped and that things get better for you :)
don't sit around feeling bad for a jerk who hurt YOU get out there and live your life & enjoy it..
Good Luck & much <3
Jess
16/f
x
p.s anymore quesitons please don't hesitate to inbox me.
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I believe that the reason you feel so bad is that you had so many hopes and dreams about this relationship. Afterall you have been going together for a year. So you thought the relationship had what it takes to become a lifelong, loving, committed relatioship. He believed that he loved you and cherished you and would always respect you and protect you.
Well it certainly hasn't turned out that way, so it is no wonder that you feel that way. But if I were you. I would thank the gods above that you have recognized that this boy is not going to make you happy. He is incapable of being in a loving relationship because of his drinking. His emotional growth is stunted. You are growing and maturing, evening though you are having a hard time, and some bad things have happened. You still want a future and I see a bright one for you. You are a smart girl. I wouldn't worry about him crying. Did he care that he made you cry, did he care that you were upset about the death of your friends. The alcohol makes him feel and act like a child, so all he can do is fight, lash out, argue and cry. Don't let him manipulate you.
Know this my dear. Life is full of disappointments. Can't avoid them. But don't be a disappointment to yourself. Find another man to love and cherish you and don't settle for less.
Good luck to you
Michele
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