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Are my parents overprotective?
So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do?
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Maybe your parents are afraid of you growing up too fast, try telling them how upset and restricted you feel, do it in a mature and grown up way so that they know you are ready to grow up. If all your other class mates go out shopping further away maybe get your parents to talk to their parents. This could help them understand how it's ok and safe for you to be going out alone and with mates. I think you just need to be honest with them instead of just feeling like a child. If they think that you are keeping them informed with what and how you feel they are much more likely to respect your social needs and also your privacy. Good luck!!!
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A lot of their rules do seem overbearing, especially for a teenager. I can tell you a few things though: one, when you move out and away from your parents, you're going to appreciate them a lot more. I never thought I would feel the way about my mom the way I do now that I live over a thousand miles away and see her only every 3 months or so. Secondly, I think your best bet is to reflect on times you may have disappointed, angered, or disobeyed them. Try and think if they have anything to hold against you. Either way, your best resolution is to communicate with them. In all relationships, you never get anywhere without communication. Ask them the reasons why they hold those rules, (try and be as calm and respectful as possible), because if they see that you can act more like a mature young adult, they may treat you like one. If not, ask them what it is that YOU can do to obtain and earn more freedom. Tell them what you would like to happen, and ask them to help you get there. After all, they are your parents, and if they have rules at all they've gotta love and care about you and would most likely be more than happy to help you grow.
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My parents acted very similar when I was in my teens. Caught my mom talking to my friends online pretending to be me, she demanded that I give her passwords to my email, I almost never went out with friends and when I did I had to bring back receipts or movie tickets to prove that I was where I said I was. Insanity.
A lot of these things are outside of your control. It's a frustrating and sometimes demoralizing part of being 14. The first step to resolving something like this is always communication. To be honest, it is likely that it won't work, but you need to be mature and do your best to take that responsible step. If they want to hear your ideas on how to make the situation better, don't try to put them in their place and explain how grown up you are, as a parent, it makes your child sound even more childish.
Be willing to meet in the middle. Would they be more comfortable if you checked in every hour on the damn hour? What if they got to speak to friends' parents before you start going on outings with them? Please understand that they aren't this way to ruin your life. Parents can mess up, and horribly...My parents did, and have acknowledged that. But right now, they really are trying to protect their "little girl", their young woman who they fear for and want everything good in the world for. You need to acknowledge the concern that they have for you and at the same time express your need to explore a gradually increasing level of independence in order to mature into a capable, level-headed adult.
Now, talking doesn't always work. And if you decide not to take that road, there are ways to attempt to take back your "freedom". But, be aware that it can, and often does make things worse. Typically, these types of responses give you that personal achievement of angst for pissing of your parents and refusing to play along, but it does very little to encourage actual progress.
Don't use the phone. Can't have a single text conversation without your parents demanding that you tell them everything that was said or let them read it? Fuck it. Don't use the phone. If possible, pay for your own.
Second,don't use the home computer if they require your passwords. Can't do homework because the won't let you on until your passwords are in their hands? Guess school's fucked then, huh?
I started taking that road with my parents and guess what? I was able to use the computer, but I still had to deal with the sneaking behind my back and complete lack of respect. It caused more damage overall, but as a fed-up young woman, it felt awesome for a while.
I really hope that this helps you deal with these final years as a "child". It certainly isn't easy, but you're probably going to find yourself looking back with more fond memories than you'd expect.
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Easy peasy!
Wait four years, then move out, get a job, and support yourself
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I can feel you sweetie. Your parents are so overprotected to you. Whilst on the other hand, mine too even I'm at the late teens already. You are a girl, you are still at mid-teens and perhaps you only have lilttle siblings or you are the only child so your parents must really be over protective on you. That truly means thta they are after for your safety and security. They don't want you to mingle with other bad family-background friends so you won't get in trouble. And they won't allow you to hangout at night because teenage pregnancy rate are really high in England. I can understand you and I know you that know that they are just after for you safety. But one thing that makes it wrong is they are really being over protective to you. You need to tell them that you are responsible enough to take care of yourself and you need to show it to them. Explain to them that there will never be wrong in using other social networks aside from facebook. You need to tell this to them "Mum, dad, you know I'm smart right? You know that I won't get myself pregnant and ruin my future by just using such teenage social networks over internet right? Pls allow me I'm 14 already" I told this to my parents too when they forbid me to use ask.fm and rpg dragon of atlantis. And also another thing is that your dad views your messages on facebook. That also happened to me a few times when my mum always sneak to my mobile and read my convos on fb messenger then she found out that I was still talking to a guy at 3 am so I was grounded and after it I put lock but still she wants me to uncode it and this what I said "Mum you know I'm 17 already and I have no privacy because you never let me have it. It seemed that you won't let me use my own brain and you made me so powerless and makes me feel that I'm not capable of being your daughter because it feels like im just your robot. Being a teen is so complicated and I can't manage to handle this even to just really small things you break my privacy. This will be over or myself will be over? Choose" that was what I said to my mum. I wrote an idea for you to speak out but you should not tell what you wanna say in a rude way like mine. And also last thing is that they choose your friends, I think that is just fine because you are still teen and you need their guidance in choosing your friends but don't let them take your friends away from you.
You need to speak out because you can no longer breathe by their overprotectiveness. You have your own mind and don't let them manipulate you. All you need is guidance and care but not manipulation. I supposed that there are some states that have a law about teen's privacy.
I hope this helps.
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Your parents have a strong desire to protect you. Love moves them to say yes when they can but no when they have to. When you ask their permission to do something, they ask themselves if they can grant the request and then live with the consequences. They will say yes to themselves—and to you—only if they are reasonably convinced that no harm will come to you.
Try to see your parents’ point of view. Example: Suppose your parents are reluctant to let you attend a certain gathering. Instead of arguing, you could ask:
“What if a mature, trustworthy friend came along with me?”
Your parents may still not grant your request. But if you understand their concerns, you have a better chance of suggesting an acceptable option.
When you talk with your parents, (parents want you to talk with them), try yo keep these points in mind:
Control your emotions
Don't get an attitude
Be honest
Pick a good time
Don't be vague, have detail tab...where you want to go, who's gonna be there, what time you'd be back...
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Ask them if they have any suggestions for you for how to be more social and get out more, given that they have imposed all these restrictions on what you can and can't do and who you can and can't see. This may help open their eyes to the contradiction in what they are asking you to do. Try not to get emotional when you speak to them, remain calm and reasonable and show that you want to work toward a compromise.
Unfortunately at 14 you will have to abide by their rules for some time yet!
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dad reads texts and messages...this is not done..but on the other hand.. they are trying to protect you from the evils of the world..so that you don not face any danger..But a person cannot learn to defend oneself until and unless she is left to explore..but again.. You are just 14 !! life is much big...it may also happen that once you are 2-3 yrs older they may let you venture out... So as far as now.. Its best to wait atleast for a year or two.. and if they dont open u until then then you have to start reasoning with them.. As for now sis, dont worry and be happy ..have a little more patience... Your parents are right in their own ways!!
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Your parents may be overprotective, it's hard to tell... At 14 we all felt like that. Trust me! The way I see it you have two choices. First, go to your parents as an adult. This means no temper, no yelling, no whining, NO CHILD LIKE BEHAVIOR. And try to present a level headed well supported case about why you deserve more freedom. If there is something your excelling at like school bring that up. If your very good about helping with chores mention that. Use every single responsible and trust worthy quality you have as evidence for your case.
They may counter your argument by bringing up times that you have NOT been responsible. It's very important that you acknowledge their concerns like an adult and say something to validate their side. Say something like "I understand where your coming from, and please know that I have learned from my mistakes and plan on making better decisions in the future." Then give more support for your argument.
This should be a new angle of your argument. One you didn't bring up before. This time talk about how the present situation is making you feel trapped, unhappy and worse of all, it's pushing you away from your parents. (your parents want you to be close to them. They want you to talk to them so they can know your safe. Use this as your leverage). It's making you feel alone and like you cannot talk to them. You want to talk to them but you feel like they don't understand you. Tell them if the present situation continues you will be pushed so far away emotionally that you will never be able to be close to them again. Then see if you can start some negotiation over small things. Like longer internet time or more social media. If it goes well see if you can negotiate more freedom from there. Another point you can bring up is that your generation is that of the age of digital social media. It's different from when they grew up but it is the future. Just because it's different doesn't mean it's wrong. You can't help the generation you were born into and it hurts when they are so judgmental about it. (expose the way your feeling and they are more likely to empathize with you).
If this does not work you have one more option. Do whatever you can to get through the next four years until you're 18. Get a job as soon as you can and start saving your money. If you can buy your own phone they wont know about it and they wont be able to read your text messages. If you can support yourself by the time your 18 you can move out and do whatever you want.
I suggest you try the adult negotiation first. If it does not work start finding some work and saving your money now. Take jobs babysitting, dog walking, whatever you can find. Then when your feeling trapped at least you'll know that you are doing all you can to get away from this ASAP!
Good luck honey!
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That is very unfair I must admit!
The best way to sort it is to sit them down or maybe talk over dinner when they are relaxed and tell them exactly how you feel.
You seem like a sensible girl so I feel it should go down well.
Start small and say you don't like that they're reading your texts as you are 14 now, same with Snapchat and Instagram. Tumblr can be quite an explicit site though.
I can understand with them not being comfortable with you going as far as Exeter and Brisol as you are young. My parents only started being comfortable with me going that far with friends when I was 16 and even then they weren't keen!
Show how you've matured and be sure not to raise your voice or complain, simply tell them you need a little more space and that you respect their concern for you but you should be allowed to choose your friends and should be able to use your phone and ipad when you wish as they are yours.
Hope this helps! Feel free to ask me more questions if I haven't answered all your concerns on this!
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I understand where your coming from because I remember having friends at your age (girls), whose parents were just as overprotective. At 14 you see the world much more differently then you do as an adult. You see the good in everyone, going out at night could never deliver a bad consequence or a situation you can't handle, talk to anybody on the internet, date whoever you want. This is how you and every other girl in high school thinks and unfortunately gets them into trouble.
I'm not saying that what your parents are doing is right because it really isn't, what I'm saying is that you need to show your parents that you are more mature than all your friends. You are capable of making adult decisions; working (when your of age) who to trust and who to stay away from, what type of conversations to be having with people over the internet, prioritizing.
To do all the things that you want to be doing with that amount of freedom you need to become an adult, a child who's day revolves around hanging out with friends, texting friends, thinking about how to make more friends is not mature enough to have the freedom you want to have.
If you know what is important in life already; studying hard, looking into what college to attend, working towards goals you will meet in the future then you should be allowed that freedom because you won't make dumb mistakes that could hinder them.
Think about it; teens your age make every mistake in the book, you are not an exception to that rule unless you are the person I described above. At 14 I wasn't that mature, neither did I know anyone that was, but at 18 when I was working hard and not getting the respect I wanted from my parents we butted heads until I got it, pretty much through telling them how hard I work and not talking to them Until they started looking at all the responsibilities I had and not at my age. It was a tough fight that lasted a long time but now we get along very well.
When you truly deserve that kind of respect from your family you fight for it, you don't complain about it
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Being a 14 year old, it's difficult to help you with your parents. It does seem as though they are overly protective, as well as quite smothering, especially since you are now at the age where exploration and social living is becoming more and more of a needed thing. Perhaps try talking with both your parents and calmly explaining how you are feeling, and hope that they will take your feelings into consideration. Other than that, there's not much else you can do. Especially since they are your parents. To an extent, I can relate to them, but I also understand that confining and restricting someone can lead to a much more problematic rebellion issue. Just do your best and calmly, I cannot stress this enough, CALMLY, explain to them how what they are doing makes you feel as well as how you feel you are ready for privacy, meaning they don't invade it and a later curfew as well as perhaps being allowed to go out with friends. I honestly don't know what else to tell you dear, other than best of luck.
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That's a toughie. They do sound kind of overprotective, but at the same time as parents it's their job to protect you.
Have you tried sitting down and talking to them maturely? Maybe offering to do more around the house in exchange for these privileges?
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If I was in your position I would show them that your a young adult and can take care of yourself. By doing more chores doing stuff that you don't have to be told to do. This will make you look more responsible and mature. Also if I was you I would make deals like say for instance my grades are good that I can play on my computer or go hang out with friends something like that. Look at it this way your only 14 your parents are trying to teach you how life is. Yes you parents are kind of strict now but in 2 or 3 years they'll give you more stuff
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ok sorry for the late reply, lap tops acting up. Your parents care about your safety obviously more than mine ever did. Rumors can kill and it probably hurts your friends reputation that her mom would have such a horrible reputation. You are 14 and so am I and its ok we cant do everything. Do you enjoy your parents company? I you do try having them take you out with your friends well behaved of course so they can see that you really don't do anything risky. Delete anything you don't want them to see and replace them with filler type texts so they seem legit. try and help around the house more so they can begin seeing you as a trustworthy young adult.
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Just tell him that if you don't give me freedom, I will not grow mentally. I will grow up but will not be able to take my own decisions which is required for survival in outer world. But don't force him too much. You are not too old to disobey him.
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I have a 14 year old son who feels the same way although I am much more lenient with him than your parents by the sound of it.
Have you sat down and talked to your parents? I mean when you're not upset and yelling at them. Make a list of the privileges you would like and think of some ways that you can show your parents you're responsible.For instance, see if maybe they would be open to allowing you a trial period to stay out later. Don't ask to stay out till 10pm or something but start with maybe 5pm or 5:30pm. Check in by phone or text if that makes them feel better. Make sure you are home on time though or it won't work. As far as the ipad and phone hours, it sounds like they are just concerned that using these electronic devices instead of real socialization will be damaging to you, which unfortunately I agree with. However, it doesn't make much sense for them to want you to socialize outside of computer apps but they won't let you stay out later than 4pm so you can actually socialize with real people.
Parents worry about their children, it's our job. At 14 years old, you are becoming a young lady, no longer a child. Show your parents that they can trust you, show them that you are responsible and talk to them honestly and calmly about how you feel. Most parents are reasonable and when they see you acting responsibly they are generally open to increasing your independence.
Hope this helps. Good luck.
Let me know how it goes..
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Your parents aren't allowing you the freedom you want likely because they still view you as a child. If you want more freedom your best bet is to show them your maturity. Tell them you'd like some of their time to talk, and let them set a time that works for their schedules. Then let them know that you feel as though they are controlling you in ways that are damaging to your development and that you'd like to work with them to show you can be trusted with your privacy.
If you just complain about it without showing you can handle it, it won't get you very far. The fact is that you are 14, and while not all 14 year olds can handle responsibility, a 14 year old SHOULD be able to be trusted. Try to approach this issue as an adult at a job. Your "boss" has you in a position at your "job" in which you are not able to take on the responsibilities and tasks that you know you are capable of. Talk to your parents in the same way you would talk to that boss to ask for more responsibilities at work. Acknowledge your parents concerns and show them that you can address those concerns in a satisfactory way.
While it does not matter at all, my opinion is that by controlling every stage of your life as your parents are doing, it subconsciously will give you the message that you belong to them, when that should never be the case. Your parents need to understand that you are not their minion to be controlled, that you are your own person and a future adult who will be required to show responsibility by virtue of being a citizen of this world. By denying you the ability to be responsible for yourself, they will inevitably leave you ill-prepared to handle the real world.
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Controlling parents can be difficult to deal with. If you haven't already, I would recommend you try to have a discussion with them. Explain calmly that you feel like you have no privacy, that they won't let you be friends with people for reasons that don't make sense, and that you can't go places with your friends. From here it's all about compromise-if your parents are mature, they will probably try to make some concessions, and you will have to make some as well. Maybe 2-hour trips are out, but you can get your curfew extended. Maybe they won't let you have snapchat, but they'll let you get a tumblr account. You won't get everything you want, but you will get some perks out of this.
The one thing I would be adamant on is your privacy, particularly private interactions with friends. That means that they stop checking your messages. It's kind of insulting when parents refuse to trust you enough to not look at your private conversations.
If they don't prove to be understanding, there isn't a lot you can do. Do not get angry at them-that only shows that you don't have a handle on your emotions and they will use that against you. Handle the situation as calmly as you possibly can. Best of luck.
Regards,
Harley.
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The situation that you are facing is severe. But the first thing that you should know is that you are not the only one facing these circumstances. Here in India there are many places where even boys face harsher homemade rules than you. However, neither does this justify your condition nor does it mean that your problem doesn't have a solution.
You are suppressed by your parents' overprotectiveness. But that is the symptom of the problem. Just like sneezing is a symptom and not a disease in itself. The root cause of the problem as far as I can understand is that they feel that you aren't mature enough to understand that who's good and who's bad, what's good and what's bad for you.
That's why they are so overprotective. For a moment, just to calm yourself, ponder over this:
There is a sense of care and love in your parents towards you. However, it has taken a monsterous form !
So be calm. There are parents who don't care whether their children are hurt or even whether they are alive or not. You are lucky that your parents care for you. The only thing is that this care has made them a bit blind.
The remedy that you can use is that somehow show them that you are mature and you can take responsible decisions relating to your life. How you will show this is upon you to find out. You are 14 - Big Enough ! If you'll remain calm you will soon get the opportunity.
तथा अस्तु
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Okay. Can I just say right now that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. I'm 17, and my parents used to do the same.exact.thing.
My advice to you is to just talk to your parents. Don't throw a hissy fit, don't yell and kick and scream like a 5 year old, and ESPECIALLY don't whine and lose your temper. If there is anything i've learned being a teenager, it's that parents ALWAYS respond better to calm, responsible DISCUSSIONS than loud, obnoxious, angst-ridden fights. I know it's frustrating, but trust me on this. Parents like to see that their children are growing up to be mature, responsible young men and women. Why don't you make this your ideal opportunity to prove to them that you are, indeed, a smart and mature young woman?
One more thing: I know it's annoying, but in the end, your parents are just looking out for you. Try to think of it this way: there are kids out there with wither totally unattentive parents or no parents at all. Be grateful that you have that never-ending source of unconditional love.
Good luck!
Rosieposie
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Absolutly not. You are only 14. Still a minor. You should not be able to run free like your 20. You are way too young to need privacy from your parents
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This is a perfect thing for me. This same thing sort of happened to me. But I would talk to them about joining a school club or activity. It is important not to whine when you ask. Just bring it up like, "Hey mom and dad could I possibly join school club or a sport?" Ask them what they are afraid of and to ask them, "How can I show you that I am responsible and deserve your trust?" And ask them if they could try to give you a little space like read your texts every other day while you promise not to erase them. And ask that when you turn 15 if you can get one of the social networks that you really want. Remember that you must approach this topic with your parents with an even tone and must not wine complain, shout or get angry you want to prove that you are RESPONSIBLE!!!! And ask to have your friends over, things will get better trust me. your parents are protecting you because they are plenty of dangerous people out there. Check the Meghan's law website you would be surprised.
Plus I am in college and only really use Facebook and twitter on a regular basis.
P.S. Just a suggestion but next time do not write up were you live because then creepy people can find you.
P.S.S. Yes your parents are over protective but they should be trust me. In this day and age i would be the same too, actually probably worse because I would use the kids pone to track where they are or like me my kids wouldn't get a phone until they could afford the bill or were 16.
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Hi, I'm going to try to help you as clearly as I can.
Here's the thing: you are fourteen years old, and yes, your parents are a little overprotective. But it's mostly fine. There is no right way to teach your son, each parent has its own path.
There are things you've told me you will be grateful when you grow up, things you're learning to value because of the limitations your parents are putting you through.
Rules like schedules are going to help you be organised in your life and you have to learn them from a young age, and as for the trips to other cities I'm sorry to tell you that you can't do anything but accept it, I'm sure you will go eventually.
But here's the thing: as much as your parents are aloud to control in some ways your life, they shouldn't read your texts or tell you who you can be friends with. No doubt here. You have to surrender in the camp of schedules and trips, but not on this. They have to trust you as you trust them. This is a two way relationship, and even though they are doing it in what they consider your best interest I really think it's not. Fourteen or forty everyone has the right to privacy. So I really encourage you to talk with your parents (and see that I'm saying talk and not yell), to make them see that yes, you are a teenager, and yes, you are a minor and they are your parents, but they have to trust you.
I know you're probably thinking talking is not going to help, but you have to try, I'm sure they will come to accept it eventually.
And, please, contact me and tell me how is it going.
You can count on me :)
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It sounds to me like they are worried about you. BUT, they are pushing their worries too far onto you.
I think you will have to talk to them about this. Or if you know that you will all end up in an argument; write a letter saying that you know that they worry about you and don't want you to make huge mistakes. But you need to make some to learn from them otherwise you won't know what is good or bad to do when you are 18 living at uni with no parents.
Also if the rumour about your friends mum is just a rumour, surely they know it could be a huge lie? I don't think its fair to teach that. I've had loads of rumours about me while I was in school and it hurt enough that people were talking about me let alone if I had children and it was affecting their friends.
Maybe you should let them know the people who have found to be the safest online, making their profiles more private are our generation. We know the risks! If you do write a letter, tell them what you know about being safe online. Because it's probably more that they are worried about bullying and adults who prey on girls your age. I presume your a girl but I cannot be sure .
The summer is coming up so instead of somewhere like Bristol, try and gain their trust, by perhaps going to Woolacombe beach or somewhere close with a lifeguard so you will be supervised. If you want more independence I think in this case you will have to prove you can be trusted- sadly.
In reference to your messages: delete them! That way nobody can see them. Explain that you need some privacy. You are a fourteen year old girl. If nobody understands this get one of your friends to have an in depth conversation about your periods through text; because it might make him think twice about why you need privacy.
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Mayb they are being a little.to over
Protective but its only cause their are alot of Th people with bad intentions and us girls as teens are very naive. U might not understand now but its good that they want you to be different although you feel leftout .maybe you can use your time and take up some classes. maybe they wnt you to invest your time in something positive that will.make you succed.
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In my opinion, that is going a bit to far. I understand they want to keep you safe from "bad" people and safe from possible "dangerous" situations but this is an issue of invading your privacy. It almost sounds like they don't trust you which isn't fair to you. Also, not allowing you to hang out with friends but tell you to get out more is a hypocritical statement. The best advice I could give you is try and do your absolute best to talk to them about how they can trust you and how it isn't fair that they invade your privacy in such a manner. I hope this helped.
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I understand exactly how you feel, but just know that with age all of this gets better. You just have to prove to them that they can trust you. If that doesn't help..I'd just try and sit down and have a talk with them and see how they react. I know you probably feel helpless, but they're just being over protective because this world is really cruel and they care about you. Sometimes parents go over board. If you could stick it out for 2 more years, you could just get a job and save up to get your own things..then they couldn't tell you when to use your stuff. ;) I also rebelled against my parents though so that might not be good advice haha. I would definitely sit down and talk to them about it though. Just tell them you're asking for a little more freedom..like instead of going home at 4 ask if you can come home at 6..just ask them to give you a little lead way to be able to prove to them that you won't lie to them or do something they wouldn't want you to. Then as time goes on you could gain more freedom.
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I'm sorry to hear what you're going through :( to an extend my parents were like this as well when I was growing up. I got a little privacy and I always made sure not to take advantage of that which meant maintaining or earning more privacy. Even in private, I still had integrity because I knew if they caught me in some shit I would lose their trust and be miserable. But at the same time, I had to be home by a certain time (until I started driving) and I hardly went out with friends, which was mainly my own decision because I knew some of them weren't a good influence so I steered clear at times.
The best thing I can tell you at this point is to talk to your parents and ask them what you have to do in order to get some privacy. Maybe have friends come over to your house so your parents can see that they're not bad kids you just want to have fun. Either have a pizza/movie night or go to the movies and invite them to stay over or something.
I can easily tell you, normally kids in your situation tend to rebel once they reach 18 or move out on their own which is never good. I don't think your parents understand that and its hard to tell them without having them freak out any more than they already are. I would definitely express that you want to make them happy and you don't want to let them down because you know they just want what's best for you. But at the same time you're growing up and need to learn to live life. I know you're only 14 but maybe start looking for jobs or see where you want to start applying to when you reach the age of work. Good luck!
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I had super strict parents as well. I hated it but as I got older I learned to appreciate some things because I just see teens these days who are spoiled and have no respect and appreciation for things, and I start having the same thoughts that my parents would probably have!
Do you mean AFTER 8pm? It's kind of harsh but people my age have sleeping problems because they cant stop going on their phones when they should be sleeping.
Friends is a hard lesson that your parents will have to deal with. They can control who you can/cant see now, but in the future they will have no control. It's going to be your decision who you want to be friends with so just take into consideration of why you wouldn't want your future kids to be friends or be friends with someone.
But see I can tell you are doing pretty well. You're 14 years old and you have an ipad AND an iPhone. Unlike some students in high school who weren't allowed to have ANY social media account, you have two yet you are upset that you don't have accounts on all social media.
That's just my take because I have been to Africa. Plus being an advicenator on this site I have seen so many sexual activity related questions on this site from girls that are your age (which shouldn't be happening but still) so I can see why your parents are uneasy with technology.
SO my answer is quite split. Obviously your parents are thinking for your best interests, but I don't want you to turn into some spoiled brat in the future. Just try be happy with the things you have for now and really value your time when you are with your friends.
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Being 14 is really a hard time for a teenager. You are no longer a child yet you are anywhere close to being an adult. I refer to this age as being a tweener. This age is also tough on us parents for we are not sure how much freedom to give our children at this age and like it or not boys will get more freedom than girls for the simple reason that boys cannot get pregnant.
Now I have read what you have written and hearing your side of the problem I could agree your parents are being a little over protective of you. My question is do they have a reason to be this protective? Have you given them a reason or do you have older siblings that might have given them reason to be more protective with you?
If children came with operating handbooks like cars and appliances do it would be so much simpler for parents. You guys don't come with manuals we parents learn on the job. Some of us feel that if we put a total lockdown in place and control everything and anything then everyone is safe. It doesn't always work that way. A couple of us warned a friend about doing this with one of his girls, he didn't listen. First semester at University she came home pregnant. That can be the result of overbearing parents.
The best advice I can give you is that you are not going to talk your parents, especially your dad into giving you more freedom and privacy; you are going to have to earn it. How you do this differs with each parent though there are almost always two constants; respect and responsibility and they are about equal.
I don't know your parents but you do. We both know the meaning of these two words and by knowing your parents you should know what it takes to earn their full respect and what they want to see in you as far as being responsible.
Just remember one thing about you and your dad and this will be true your entire life. When he looks at you he does not see a 14 year old girl. He sees his little girl. He will always see his little girl even when you're all grown up and have children of your own. That is just the way it is for fathers with their daughters. They will always want to protect them. This does not mean you cannot earn his respect and trust. This is what you must do to earn more freedom.
I know my advice sucks because it is not instant satisfaction but it is the truth and in the long run will work for you. You can talk with your parents and tell them how you feel and that you have to grow and stretch your wings. That doing so while there standing behind you to pick you up if you fall is better than if you have to learn to stretch your wings when you become an adult.
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Hi there. I can see you're feeling more than a little over-controlled. You've given me quite a bit of info and I believe I can see a little into the reasons why your parents are being rather over-protective by piecing it together. A lot of it involves social networking. Now there's a lot of media-fed paranoia among parents of young ladies regarding the internet. I'd imagine your parents could easily believe that your trip to Bristol with friends is just a cover...you're actually going to meet some old perv who's beeing grooming you for sex via the internet for the last month or so. Do you see where I'm going, and how they might be thinking? Because 'you hear about stuff like this all the time' and they (naturally) would hate their daughter to be caught up in stuff like this. So, they want to monitor and censor your use of social networking, not let you wander too far from home and vet your friends for suitability. It's also true to say that the period from 13 to 16 is a notoriously 'difficult' time for loving parents to have a daughter. And it is really through love they are acting, because love wants to protect the loved one. But that's not how you're seeing it, right? They're seeing 'have a laugh' as 'get way out your depth and into big trouble'. Now the internet did NOT invent this, parents have always had the same fears. The dangers have always been there. I think it's made the PERCEPTION of the danger greater, rathter than the ACTUAL danger if you see what I mean? Possibly this is something you could point out to them? Maybe point out that chatting about potential boyfriends for instance, was something girls did face-to-face. Not via Facebook. But it wasn't something they'd really want mum listening in on either way. Try to show you are a good judge, know what is and isn't a good idea and show plenty of maturity of outlook when you get the chance. Show them your messages freely maybe? You're chatting with your mates about rock stars..celebs..sending a picture of a cool fashion oufit you snapped in a shop and want to buy...and so on. You don't actually WANT to send a sexually explicit photo of yourself to some internet paedophile or spread rumours about your mates mum! What you need to do in effect is to prove that the desire for a little privacy is a natural part of growing up (which you ARE) and NOT because you want to indulge in shady pratices with shady people and keep things from them. Try to show you appreciate their feelings and fears too, and show that you really only want to use your Facebook and Twitter etc like the vast majority of young ladies around your age do. Try to (what we call) 'negotiate terms' which give you a little more freedom. That doesn't mean have a tantrum and sulk if they say 'no'. It means you both give a little. And make it a progressive thing. Meaning re-negotiate later. If you've used your freedom well for a month or so, you're in a good position to get yourslef a little more. If you've abused it (and been totally 'found out' in doing so)...you'll have to back down a little, but try to show you've learned something from the experience. Best wishes, hope I haven't sent you to sleep with my (long!) reply! Have another chat if there's something here you think you can work with? C. xx
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Ask them to give you more space to prove you have good judgement - because if they are constantly making choices for you, you'll never have the space to practice making choices yourself - especially when it comes to your selecting your friends.
Frankly, I'm all for parents checking phones, texts, and emails and limiting social media use. They have the legal right to do so and I think a parent should keep some idea of what a young teen is doing online. You are in the process of earning their trust in that capacity, for now, if I were you, I'd let that go and focus on the right to choose who you want to be friends with.
Because your parents are taking it a bit too far with their rules about who you associate with. It's not respectful of them to hold a grudge against another child for over two years. It's a bit moronic for two reasonable adults to actually BELIEVE a rumour like 'Your mom's a prostitute', and even if they actually believed such a stupid playground-variety insult, that should mean that they don't allow you to be under that mother's supervision, not that you can't be friends with the child.
The question that might help you get your parents thinking about their boundaries is to ask them WHEN and HOW. When do they think you're old enough to make choices about who is your friend and who isn't? When do they think you'll be old enough, or mature enough, to travel with friends for shopping trips out of town? How will they decide that you've shown enough good judgement and sense to be given more freedom and respect? How will you be able to show that judgement and sense if they don't give you a chance to make additional choices for yourself?
Obviously your question can't give the whole story, but in my opinion your parents may have their own reasons for the curfew and the checking your phone - but they take it too far when they refuse to allow you to be friends with people. Unless they perceive a very real threat to you - that is a choice every human being should be free to make, and that is one area were I think you should start pushing back.
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ok lets go over a few things. first off, your parents DO have the right to worry about you. you will always be their baby and speaking as a parent i know that i would worry about my young teen going out an HOUR away from home with other minors. THAT part IS a bit worrisome and i myself was not allowed to do things like that as a 14 year old either.
BUT i DO understand feeling like you need more privacy. maybe when you feel its the right moment (and without arguing) YOU COULD calmly TALK TO THEM and say that you are really starting to feel like you need more privacy now that your getting older. (if they are understanding of your feelings, and remember being your age) then they will need some time to think about it. ask them if they want to drive you away from home sooner rather then later, because when your parents smother you the way they are, kids will want to leave home and NEVER come back as soon as possible. ask them if they WANT you to come home for holidays and birthdays when you ARE older enough to move out?
what they are doing now will only drive you away as an adult and never make you want to be around them because of the way they are acting now. they need to cut you a little slack, and have some faith in you that you can make at least SOME choices on your own. tell them that if they have faith, and believe that they've raised a good, smart child then they should have little no fear that you can take care of yourself out there in the world, at least when you go out with your friends. try to start re-assuring them that when you go out if anything happens youll call right away, and that your aware of the rules but you feel like their not "age appropriate" because they seem like rules you would give a 10 year old, not a teenager.
((remember once they DO actually give you some space or room to do things you will still need to prove that you can be trusted, so that they'll continue to give you more)) and ask what you can do to get them to give you some space and room to grow.
and them telling you "its not you i dont trust its the people out there in the world" is a poor excuse. they might as well keep you in a padded cell your whole life, or in a cage like a hamster.
((i know what this is like ive been there))
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