Hello. My name is Harley. I have a well-recorded history of not being complete shit at advice, and am particularly good with mental health, most kinds of relationships, and LGBTQ+ issues.
Website: My Personal Blog
Location: Canada
Member Since: September 8, 2012
Answers: 32
Last Update: June 23, 2015
Visitors: 4056
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well i was talking to this guy i love and he loves me too but earlier he got mad bc i left the room to spend time with my friends and i didn't really see him today so he wanted to spend time with me but i left. and now he thinks i don't love him or care about him yet i keep saying i do. he doesn't believe me ): and he keeps acting dry and saying yep & mhm. i don't know what to do anymore. then i am like look it looks like you wanna be alone so i should leave you alone and he's like sure do what you want. i don't understand. just bc of that he is really sad and stuff. now he is ignoring me after i said i love u. (link)
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You're saying you love him, but he's not hearing it. Actions speak louder than words-do something romantic for him. Flowers and chocolates, or a romantic dinner, something like that.
What concerns me here, though, is that he's getting angry at you for spending time with friends. He's important to you, but it's also important to have Friendships. One person cannot be all things to you.I may be misinterpreting "he got mad bc i left to spend time with my friends", though.
So, if you really haven't been spending time with him lately, it's time to change that. If you're not sure if you're not spending enough time with him, talk to him about it. If he straight-up doesn't want you to have friends, though, that's not ok, and you need to talk about boundaries.
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The other night my roommates had a party and one of their co workers was over. I went to bed and the next thing I know is he is coming g into my room asking if he can sleep in my room because his shoulder is out. Feeling sorry for him I said yes but made it clear that I was not gonna have sex with him and that he needed to stay on his side of the bed. The next thing I know he is kissing me and touching me and I told him to stop and said no but he just kept going so I tried to stop him but he them held me down knowing that he was stronger. I kept up with asking him to stop and saying no but of course he kept going. He then pulled down my pants and pinned my legs to were I couldn't move. I tried kicking and my pleas became more but he just kept going. He was telling me I was teasing and that I liked it. Even though I wasn't teasing and I didn't like it. The thing that made him stop for awhile was my daughter waking up. I was able to get up and put her to sleep again making sure she was safe. He followed me and still tried to ha e sex with me. Finally he stopped trying and went to sleep but I feel dirty and ugly and that I put myself in that situation. I don't know what to do or were to turn. All I see is it happening. I can't sleep or eat. I can barely function (link)
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What happened to you is rape. Any situation where someone tries to have sex without consent is rape. I strongly recommend you go to the police and report him. You don't have to, but it might put him behind bars. If you choose not to, or he doesn't go to jail, stay the hell away from him.
It sounds like you're having trouble dealing with this on your own. Whether you report it or not, you should strongly consider going to therapy. A therapist can help you deal with the aftermath of this, far better than people on this website can. If you can't afford therapy, there are online resources, as well as crisis hotlines you can call. Rainn.org is one I've heard good things about, and there are many others out there.
You could also consider taking self-defense classes, which can help with feeling scared and/or helpless. It helps to know that you can kick ass if you need to.
If this happens again, call 911 or yell as loud as possible.
This is not your fault, and you are never responsible for someone else's actions. He is responsible for what happened. End of story.
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20/f
I have been dating this really sweet guy for a few months. But my mom won't accept him cause she thinks I deserve better. In her head she thinks I'm something special just because I'm pretty,quite intelligent and study medicine. He may not go to college,but he is hardworking and he really cares about me. The main reason she won't accept him is that he wears hearing aid,which to her makes him disabled. I honestly couldn't care less about that,just because he lost his hearing due to an accident doesn't make him a bad person. Also she minds because he is from a village and I'm from a city. She thinks he wants to take me away from them and trap me as a housewife. In short,she demonizes him because of some prejudice and she has never even met him. I tried talking some sense into her but she sticks to her opinion. (link)
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That sounds like a really difficult situation. Your mom may come around, or she might not. Either way, you've got a few options. You could break up with him for the sake of keeping the peace, or stay with him and tune out your mom as best you can. it doesn't sound like you want to break up with this guy at all, and I'm with you. You like him, he treats you well, and you're happy with this relationship. That's not something to give up lightly. So, it looks like you're going to have to deal with your mom's prejudices about the situation.
I recommend a direct approach. Find a time to sit with your mom alone and talk with her. If she interrupts you a lot, ask that she not talk until you're done saying your piece. Tell her that regardless of whether or not this guy is "worthy" of you, you like him and you're happy with him. Ask her if she would consider reserving judgement until she has met him and had dinner or something with him. If she agrees, there's your opportunity to show her that this guy makes you happy. If she refuses, then there's not a lot you can do. Say that you don't care to hear her opinion of him, and ask her to keep it to herself, at least around you. You may not be able to change her mind, but you don't have to listen to her spout her prejudices about his hearing loss or where he lives. Even if she refuses to stop saying these things, you always have the option of leaving whenever she starts talking crap.
As for standing in your way, you're an adult. You're entitled to make your own choices about your relationships, and your mom does not get to weigh in. She can try all she likes, but ultimately your relationship is down to you and your boyfriend. No one else.
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In my life I have never been what you would call normal. I have social quirks: I don't like looking people in their eyes, I move awkwardly, I take things literally, I talk to myself when I'm alone, I'm overtly sensitive, I don't understand all of the norms well and I perceive things differently. I have my issues, I get angry and I have known to tell or break things and hurt people's feelings. These outbreaks happen once a year. I have been perceived as a monster or a villain. Personally, I'm not innocent but I'm Christian as well and I've worked hard to control myself and not give up. I haven't killed anyone or anything unless you count insects and spiders. I haven't done anything that's taboo or horrible to people but over years I have given up to be normal and be happy. After one incident , in which I was perceived as bizarre and different I have become depressed and hopeless. I have lost a lot of things. I want to meet a psychiatrist but I'm not wealthy and I want it private. Is there anyone who can give me advice (link)
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Any psychologist, or doctor, or medical professional you meet with is obligated to keep your sessions private. If you don't have a lot of money, it's possible to meet with someone and get a diagnosis, then use online tools as a way of helping yourself. I personally found this a lot easier, since I have a lot of problems sharing my feelings.
If you want my personal, unlicensed opinion, it's possible you may be autistic. The trouble making eye contact or understanding sarcasm/metaphors, sensitivity(particularly to sensory input like light, sound, smells, textures.), the trouble understanding social norms all point to something on that spectrum. I recommend you look it up, and see if it seems to work.
Good luck, friend!
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by saying there's such thing as "male" or "female" behavior? You "feel" like a boy because a company, trying to make a profit, designated toys as "for boys" or "for girls"? I don't understand what's wrong with interpreting sex as gender.
And no, I'm totally against abuse against LGBT people, and also find the suicides heartbreaking, but when I see Laverne Cox, I see a man, not a woman, and I think it's ridiculous to say it's "an act of violence" for me to have that belief, supported by science.
One can get a boob job, but that doesn't make them any more of a woman, just like getting a mastectomy doesn't make one less of a woman. One can get prosthetic privates, but their DNA still reveals their true gender/sex. Sexuality is different. As of now, and possibly forever, there's no evidence of a "homosexual" or "bisexual" gene. But sex/gender is identifiable.
Trans issues have really been public this year, in 2014, and I support people's happiness, but these contradictions have just been plaguing my mind... (link)
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Alright. Since you brought up DNA, let me break this down for you.
Doctors define your sex at birth by looking at your genitals. That's it. There's no chromosome test. You have no idea what your DNA is based on what the doctor says at birth. Genitals can be altered surgically. There are also people with ambiguous genetalia. It happens, and usually are operated on without their consent, even if the ambiguity wouldn't hinder their development.
Another aspect to biological sex is the gonads, which are the internal reproductive organs. You can have either set regardless of genetalia-I remember reading a story about someone with both sets-and sometimes this causes hormonal issues. W
Hormones don't get produced until puberty, which means those problems don't come up until then, but imbalances in sex hormones happen pretty often. Hence, men with gynecomastia, and women with beards.
And finally, back to DNA. Even though there is no way of knowing what chromosomes you or anyone else has without a test, which you are probably not able to give, you seem to believe that you can define someone's gender with that made-up information. However chromosomes in humans can be XX, XY, XXY, XXX, XXXY, XXXX, or even come in combinations, ie part XX and part XY, or any of the chomosome groupings above. The stats, while somewhat vague, put chomosomal combinations outside of your narrow perspective anywhere between 1 in 1000-1 in 2000. Basically, everyone with red hair, or if you prefer, the population of Australia.
So, pop quiz: If a person has a combination of XX and XY chromosomes, a vagina, and a pair of testes, which will produce testosterone, is that person, by your logic, a woman or a man? Or is it possible that when you claim "trans ppl arnt real bc SCIENCE 11!!!! !11" you're not just spouting bullshit? If you're going to use science to support your argument, at least do it right and do your research.
While we're on the topic of science, studies have found that many transgender people actually have brains whose patterns match those of their identified gender, or at least are markedly different from those of their assigned sex. So, if it makes it easier for you, trans women have female brains in male bodies. Trans men have male brains in female bodies. Nonbinary people have relatively neutral brains in male or female bodies.
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I want sex with my boyfriend but I'm lucky if I get a kiss of him. Im a girl and I only got my first bra today and I'm not finished with puberty I've snogged and my ex showed me how to have sex but he left my school my other ex dumped me for two girls in my class. My boyfriend isn't that serious and I want more but the ex that is still in school won't go back out with me. (link)
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I like how an identical question with a different age was posted minutes after this one. A+ 10/10 would be trolled again.
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Since past 2 months, I have encountered difficult in breathing, fast heartbeat especially reach 11pm.I have encountered few times, awoke from sleeping and cant breath (just feel like dying). I tried to lie down, sit or stand but it just cant help. I feel like I am losing my breath in next second.This cause me worry when to night time. Hope can get advise, I am desperately looking for help.Thanks. (link)
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Go see a doctor immediately. Hell, go to the emergency room. Any sort of breathing problem or heart problem is, in medical terms, a Big Fucking Deal and you should get that checked out.
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I'm a 15 year old girl and I feel like I don't eat enough food. When I eat, I eat healthy non-processed food (my mom has a fruit and veggie garden) it's just that my portions are so small. I usually skip breakfast so I can make my bus that comes at 6:30 (I don't want to get up any earlier than I already do to get breakfast, so I don't). Then around lunch time I'm not really hungry so I'll have some carrot sticks and maybe a sandwich. Then when I get home my mom makes me eat dinner, but I sort of have a loss of appetite sometimes and only have about half of my plate. Part of the problem could be that I drink a lot of water and it sort if suppresses the urge to eat. And most of my time after school is spent on homework (all of the teachers say "this worksheet will only take half an hour", but if we have half an hour of homework in all of our classes.....) for the record, I'm not anorexic, I love my body. How to I get a better appetite and how can my habits effect me in the future? (link)
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If you can, snacking while doing your homework could help you with eating more. Also, eating more protein, such as meat, dairy, and nuts, could help you feel more full. Vegetables are made up mostly of carbohydrate, so you need more veggies to fill you up than you do with things filled with protein.
If you aren't feeling hungry and are concerned about your eating habits, talk to your doctor. Illness can affect your appetite.
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I've been married to my husband for almost 2 years now. When he proposed to me i left everything and stopped everything to be with him. I moved to upstate ny and after 3 months of being married he had to deploy. When he came home 9 months later things were still good then around jan of this year he was diagnosed with bi polar schizo effective. My life changed 369 on me and i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like i do everything from cleaning, cooking, paying bills, running errands, taking care of him, making sure i don't act a certain way around him or it triggers his anxiety/manic stage and badically i just feel so neglected. I don't get any type of emotion from,his moods are always changing and its just so hard not getting any support or care out at least done type if emotion from him. Now today he says out of no where he feels to tied down. But when his therapist rasa to me she says he tells her that I'm his rock and I'm the only one that cares for him. I just don't know what to do our how to deal with these rollar coaster emotions. So please any advice would help. (link)
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Being with someone with mental illness can be very challenging. There will be good days and bad days. I wish I could tell you that if you hold out for it, things will get better, but I don't know enough to be able to tell you that.
What I can tell you, though, is that it will get easier to deal with, both for him and for you. In my own experience, mental illness becomes more difficult to deal with after diagnosis, but over time you learn to recognize what is happening and how to best manage it. For me it took more than a year, and I only have social anxiety. For your husband, it may be much longer.
It's good to hear that he's in therapy. If he's not on any medication, I would recommend trying it out. A combination of medication and counseling is generally he best treatment for schizoaffective.
If you have the resources, you may want to consider visiting a therapist as well. It may help you. If you can't, see if there are any support groups in your area or online that you could join. You are going through a difficult time as well, and if you can't get support from your husband, there are other places you can look. Best of luck!
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Here's a picture of me: http://i.imgur.com/e2uF7w6.jpg
I have a stupid haircut and i don't look good.
I have no idea what hairstyle would look good for me, but could someone tell me what hairstyle would look best with my face? Every time I've asked this, people have just made fun for how I look; I know I'm ugly, but I just want legitimate advice as to what would look good for me. (link)
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You have what's known as a long or oblong face, which is good because it actually suits a lot of different hairstyles. The biggest problem with your current style is that the sides are really short in proportion to the long, floofy top, which makes your face look longer. You may want to grow out the sides a bit. You could also see about getting the top cut shorter, but I wouldn't go for a buzzcut since those can be risky. You may also try brushing the front down, see how that looks.
If you want someone with legitimate knowledge to tell you what will look good with your face, talk to the person who will cut your hair. Ask them for opinions. They are there to give recommendations, as well as the actual haircutting part.
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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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This is very troubling. You have a few options.
1) Break up with her. She will lose her job, permanent residence in your country, and pretty much any chance at a job in her own country. You will be free of her current and future emotional backlash. You will sit her down, tell her you know about the cheating, tell her you're breaking up with her, quietly sit there for a couple hours while she flips her proverbial shit, ignore her for a month, and be done with the whole affair.
2) Stick with it. Just put up with her bullshit for another 18 months. She will keep her job, break up with you, and pretty much waste your time with pretending not to be cheating. You will get hurt. Big time. You probably won't be able to get over her, living in close quarters. In this situation, the best you can do is minimize. Don't talk to her more than you have to. Don't go out on dates more than you have to. Put the absolute minimum effort into the relationship, and rest assured that she isn't even matching it.
3) Lie to the government. Probably not a great option, but if it's the best you've got, it's the best you've got. You will sit her down, tell her you're breaking up with her, that you will still let her mooch off the Partner Visa, and that you know about the cheating.
If she acknowledges the cheating, she will live with you for the 18 months, and you will ignore her to the best of your abilities.
If she doesn't acknowledge the cheating in that situation, you should run. Fucking run. Because that means she's manipulationg you for reasons other than the PR-most likely for fun. And suffice to say, that would fucking suck.
I can't tell you what to do here, but I wish you the best of luck.
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I am a girl,age 23. my father has died in 2009, my mom is alive but she never take care of me. i live with my elder sister,she has 3 kids. she always quarreled with me. if i don't do any household work, she got angry with me. i have boyfriend,who never let me cry,he love me so much.i didn't meet with him for last 3month because my sister never allowed me to meet with him. i stay my room whole day lonely.nobody of my family call me or ask me anything. my study is also hampering day by day. for my condition my boy friend also feeling very bad for me and his study also destroying day by day.i cant tolerate this anymore.it is seem to me that my death is the nice solution for all.my family will get rid of me and my boyfriend will get a better life.i have no way to live.what should i do beyond this?
(link)
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If you are in immediate danger, call a suicide hotline, check out IM Alive, or go to a hospital. Suicide hotlines and hospitals can both help, and IM Alive is an online text chat alternative to a telephone hotline. Your life is worth living, and you deserve the chance to see that. If you are not in immediate danger, talk to your doctor about it and see if they can recommend a therapist to help you work through your problems. Hope this helps.
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Someone is blackmailing on kik. I sent him nude photo of mine, he want me to send again if I will not he said that he will post it online website wherein all country can see it. I dont know what to do. He said that he will spread it and all my friends can see it. Im afraid Im fron Hungary. Need help (link)
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If you are under fourteen, that nude photo is considered child pornography. If not, then you can and should take this to the police. Blackmail is illegal. Solicitation of sexual acts and/or photos is illegal. It may be embarrasing, but he's just going to want more and more, and have more and more blackmail material.
He is trying to control you. Do not let him.
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Hello, I'm 18/F and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost two years now and we are deeply in love with each other. He wants to get me a promise ring but I think it's a bit childish and I want an engagement ring instead. What should I do? (link)
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You are allowed to propose to your boyfriend if that\'s what you want. Keep in mind though, you seem to be at different places in the relationship-he isn\'t quite ready for the commitment that would come with an engagement ring, whereas you don\'t particularly want to wait. You need to sit down and talk it out with him. Good luck!
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So, this weekend just gone I had sex with a guy. Him and his girlfriend were split up at the time and he said they weren't getting back together so I didn't see much of a problem. But the next day he said they sorted things out but he didn't tell her about me and him.
I'm really not comfortable about this as I'm friends with alot of her friends so I'm gunna see her about alot and I hate keeping secrets and lying.
I've tried persuading him, but said I won't say a word until he says something to her 'cause she should really hear it from him not me or someone else. But this also means I can't talk to any of my friends about it, which sucks.
He won't tell her though as she has alot of family problems at the moment and doesn't think she'd be able to handle it and isn't sure what she'd do (guessing he means self harm etc).
Some sort of help would be great as I'm really not keen on this situation and can't chat to anyone! Thank you! (link)
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Yeah, he really needs to talk to her. However, it seems that he\'s not going to do that until something presses the issue. This is not a healthy attitude to have about things in relationships, and has the potential to cause a metric shit-ton of tension and trouble between all of you.
Since he probably isn\'t going to talk to her, it\'s up to you what you want to do. If you want to just leave it, and let them deal with it on their own time, then that\'s a perfectly valid decision. You do not have to deal with his mess, so long as you understand that it may come back to bite all of you in the ass.
If you decide to talk to her, do it when you two are alone and in a way that isn\'t confrontational. Tell her the situation directly-you slept with her boyfriend while they were split up and you thought she would want to know. Then see where it goes from there.
Honesty in a relationship is really important. This guy needs to understand that.
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So, I'm a 14 year old girl and I honestly can't cope with the way my parents tell me to live, I feel like I am trapped in my home and I can't do anything!
They have these rules that I cannot go on my iPad/phone until 8pm every night, even at weekends I'm not aloud to use them. They say I'm to antisocial and I need to get out more, I go almost everywhere with them! I do go to town with friends aswell. They won't let me out of my town, I live in Barnstaple, devon and I'm not even aloud to Exeter or Bristol to go on a shopping trip with friends which is only about 2 hours away. Also I'm not aloud to be friends with a few people I know, one of them because there is a rumour going around that her mum is a prostitute and the other one who is my best friend and I still hang out with her secretly because she said something rude on Facebook like 2 years ago! It annoys me how I can't be friends with who I want to be friends with. My parents won't let me go out after school and I always have to be back home at 4pm if I go anywhere, which means I can't go out in the evening or at night and have a laugh :(
They also won't let me use social networks other than Facebook and Twitter, I want to be able to use snapchat, Instagram and tumblr but I'm not aloud to have it on my phone, another thing is that my dad still reads my texts and my messages with friends online!!! I'm 14 and I literally have no privacy! It's really annoying I want to just tell him "no, I won't give you my phone" or just not tell him the lock to my phone but he always makes me! :(
This is really annoying me now how I feel like I am stuck with nothing to do and no privacy at all :(
Anyone know what I could do? (link)
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Controlling parents can be difficult to deal with. If you haven\'t already, I would recommend you try to have a discussion with them. Explain calmly that you feel like you have no privacy, that they won\'t let you be friends with people for reasons that don\'t make sense, and that you can\'t go places with your friends. From here it\'s all about compromise-if your parents are mature, they will probably try to make some concessions, and you will have to make some as well. Maybe 2-hour trips are out, but you can get your curfew extended. Maybe they won\'t let you have snapchat, but they\'ll let you get a tumblr account. You won\'t get everything you want, but you will get some perks out of this.
The one thing I would be adamant on is your privacy, particularly private interactions with friends. That means that they stop checking your messages. It\'s kind of insulting when parents refuse to trust you enough to not look at your private conversations.
If they don\'t prove to be understanding, there isn\'t a lot you can do. Do not get angry at them-that only shows that you don\'t have a handle on your emotions and they will use that against you. Handle the situation as calmly as you possibly can. Best of luck.
Regards,
Harley.
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Me and my boyfriend have just started dating, and he already wants a kid. I am 17 and he is 18, I love kids, BUT I'm not 100% I'm ready. I am a girl to likes to go out and have fun. Any suggestions on how to handle it? (link)
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Oh HELL no.
You have JUST started dating this guy, and he wants you pregnant?! You haven't talked marriage, education, finances, or anything else related to having a kid, raising a kid together, or anything of the sort. If things don't work out between you two, you've got a baby to take care of and no way to support them.
Do NOT get pregnant. If I were you, I would be running from this guy as fast as possible. It's possible he will use the baby as leverage to keep you in a relationship that could even turn abusive. Leave now. Do not pass GO.
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I am involved with a married man (or was, or is?). Last week we spent two days together. On the second day, he told me it was over. He couldn't see me again, he hated the fact he was cheating on his wife, and it was killing him inside. We held each other and cried and said our Goodbye's. I felt as if the world came crashing down on me. I told him how sorry I was that we got involved in something that was against both our morals. He said he wanted to remain friends but we had to stop our flirting, texts, and messages.
The weekend went by and I barely ate or slept. Today he calls me (we work for the same department, different locations) and tells me he's not sure he's done with me yet. That he just wants an extended break. Why did he change his mind?
Some back story (without going in too far). I am married also. We started out as friends, talking back and forth at work to resolve the same problems. We are both over forty, with children, he loves his wife, I am with my husband because I am too afraid to be on my own (not financially, just physically alone). This is both our first, on cheating on our spouses. I've done massive research on why people have affairs, what happens in an affair, how does an affair end. I know that women believe they're in love, when they are really not (thanks to hormones!) and for men it's a break from the obligations of married life.
My problem is, now I'm in it, blind and dumb, but we click on so many levels (more than just sex). Why didn't he just end it and be done, why do you think he changed his mind?
Before you reply to my question, I know I am wrong, I know he is wrong. We are two selfish individuals, I deserve this, we are going to hell, etc. Try to refrain from putting me down more than I already do. (link)
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As you said, you two click on various levels. From what I can tell, you are important to him. That being said, he also loves his wife and cares for his kids. He probably needs to step back for a moment and see if this relationship he has with you is worth risking any longer.
Your current situation is difficult. You seem to understand this, so I won't tell you what to do about things. If he chooses to end it, though, it's probably for the best.
I wish you and everyone involved the best of luck.
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A little background, my boyfriend and I are 24 and 25. A month ago he got his second DUI. He does not have the means to pay for a lawyer so I offered to help. I gave my card to him to give to the lawyer but I never signed anything allowing my permission and what not.
Anyway, today I find out my BF has lied to me for about the millionth time (my fault I suppose for sticking around). I became so livid and the first thing I could think to do was to text him and tell him I am canceling the payment to the lawyer. So, I e-mailed the lawyer and got the card canceled. I have calmed down a lot since and feel like the biggest bitch in the world for doing that. I feel that I overreacted and am looking for advice on how to fix it. Thought about emailing the lawyer explaining I just didn't want anything charged till I could read an agreement. I don't know what to do just feel bad for actually going through with it.
I understand my BF was in the wrong for lying but ultimately I could have reacted differently. Just need help please. (link)
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Your boyfriend is constantly lying to you. Don't blame yourself for that. You had the right to be angry-heck you STILL have the right to be absolutely furious with this guy.
You can't trust him. He isn't honest with you in matters that directly pertain to you-in this instance, your finances. He has no right to touch any of your money without your express permission, and doing so is a HUGE violation of your boundaries. Treat it as such. Get angry, stay angry. You can't trust someone who refuses to tell the truth. He is not worth your time any more, and to be quite honest, you need to break it off with him. A cycle of hurt(caused by lying) followed by forgiveness and self-blaming is indicative of an abusive relationship, and the fact that he would use your money to pay for his lawyer is just plain problematic. Not to mention the fact that YOU are the one trying to apologize instead of HIM.
Get out of the relationship. You've dealt with enough of his lying.
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17F
So I like this girl from work. She is just a very refreshing person to talk to and be around, not to mention I think she's incredibly beautiful. It started off with pure infatuation but has calmed down a bit. So I have a couple questions I need answered.
1. She is 21 and I am 17, is that too much of an age difference? I turn 18 in August
2. She agreed to go to prom with me as a "friend" but she already had her prom so is there something more there? She seems into it. Already got her dress, wants to go pick out corsages...
3. Should I make a move? I already told her how I felt and she said on occasions she felt a little more for me than just a friend but isn't sure if she could be in a romantic relationships with a girl (she has hooked up with girls only) I was thinking maybe if I take her on a date, it could open up her mind
Any other comments, just make them :) (link)
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1. Age difference is not a problem, as long as you aren't having sex/doing sexual stuff until you're 18, or whatever the legal age of consent is in your country.
2. This doesn't prove anything definitively. She could be totally into you or is just willing to go with you as a friend. Best to take what she said at face value and see where it goes from there.
3. If she's not sure she's down for a romantic relationship with a girl, then y'all need to talk it out. Tell her you're into her. Ask her if she wants to go on a date, or not, or if she wants to wait while she figures things out. If she says yes, great! If she says no, try and move on. If she wants to figure things out, be patient, and then act on whichever answer you get as described above.
I wish both off you the best of luck
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