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Pregnancy: He wants kids, but I am not ready because I want to go out and have fun!
Me and my boyfriend have just started dating, and he already wants a kid. I am 17 and he is 18, I love kids, BUT I'm not 100% I'm ready. I am a girl to likes to go out and have fun. Any suggestions on how to handle it?
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Oh HELL no.
You have JUST started dating this guy, and he wants you pregnant?! You haven't talked marriage, education, finances, or anything else related to having a kid, raising a kid together, or anything of the sort. If things don't work out between you two, you've got a baby to take care of and no way to support them.
Do NOT get pregnant. If I were you, I would be running from this guy as fast as possible. It's possible he will use the baby as leverage to keep you in a relationship that could even turn abusive. Leave now. Do not pass GO.
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Firstly you both have only been dating not long so having a child isn't a wise idea as having a child can cause alot of pressure into a relationship but the main thing is it sounds like he is moving abit fast in your new relationship and that you do not want a child is a fair statement for your age but you need to talk to him about this if you want to carry on in this relationship and just tell him your not ready for a child you feel your to young and want to live life abit more before you consider children, and ask him does he truly think its wise to have a child so young and in such a new relationship? Can you financially bring a child up and support a child? And that will make him think more realistically about the decision. Hope it goes well
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Im going to put this simply. If you dont want to have kids dont. Its your body and your choice. Think about everything your mother ever taught you and did for you, would you be ready to do that at this age? You're still in the mindset of a teen ager, you still want to go to parties and things of that nature. If you're not even worried about college yet then how would you raise a child. A baby doesn't stay a baby for ever, it's a person with feelings and a life just like you. Do you think you could handle being responsible for another life? It's all about what you feel. If he doesn't like your decision then he can kick rocks. You're only 18, you do not have to tie yourself down to anyone..you have years to settle down. From the ages 17-19 you'll most likely change very drastically, I'd hold off on the whole baby thing.
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There is so much wrong here I'm not sure where to begin.
We can forget about your ages for the moment. You two just started dating and he is already talking about having children. Does he mean now or some time in the future like after you two have been to college. If he means now then I suggest you find a new boyfriend as this one is being unrealistic. His desire to have you get pregnant is also a desire to control you. This is not good.
You're right not to want to be tied down to children at your age. Not just because you want to have fun. Children are a big responsibility. Children need a lot of maintenance, there is clothing, shoes, diapers, formula, food, medicine, doctors, dentists, toys to play and learn with, books and a host of other things. How does he intend to pay for all this. At 18 he cannot possibly have gone to college and with a high school diploma finding a job is next to impossible.
Many of the traditional jobs that were there for the high school diploma only people are being taken by those coming out of college as they are the only jibs available and they need the money to pay off student loans.
No now is not the time for you to have children. When you are ready to have children it has to be a decision that both you and hopefully your husband make together and you both want to have a child. Other wise you will have problems.
As my mother would have said; "There are plenty of fish in the sea." So find yourself a new boyfriend, go to college and have fun as well. Hopefully when you finish school the job market will be better. Then when you are ready you can consider bringing a child into this world.
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First of all congrats on your new relationship.
As for having kids, what is the rush? You two are very young have fun together. Having kids isn't easy and you will have to give up many things you enjoy doing.
I would suggest you talk to him and make him understand you want to wait until you are more older to have kids. Also, is their a reason he is rushing into having kids?
A good way to make him see how hard it is to have kids would be to spend time with kids. The more you are around kids the more you will see what a handful they really are.
Enjoy your teenage years and don't do anything you don't want to.
Email me if you need more advice.
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Wait, he wants to have kids right now? While you guys are teenagers or does he just want to have kids in the future?
If he wants kids now, then there is something wrong going on. I mean besides the fact that you want to go out and have fun, it's also that you both would not be able to financially take care of a kid.
I don't understand why he'd want kids right now. I mean you guys have the rest of your life to plan that out and you only started dating.
If he means that he wants kids in the future, then there isn't really much of a problem. I mean you might want to settle down in the future and when the time comes and you still don't want kids, then fine.
But seriously, if he wants kids now, you don't want to be with someone who you barely started dating and wants to get you pregnant. It's not normal.
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Razhies right. I agree with all she said. There is something very wrong with someone that age wanting to produce children right now. You would do best to break up immediately with him.
I am only writing in to give one more piece of info to support why two people your age are not ready to have kids yet (I had my first at 27) other than you not wanting to be tied down that way and wanting to be free.
It has to do with the development of the human brain.
The prefrontal cortex, is a section of the brain that weighs outcomes, forms judgments and controls impulses and emotions. This section of the brain also helps people understand one another. The prefrontal cortex section of the brain in teens is still a little immature as compared to adults; and it doesn't fully develop until your mid-20s. Thats a scientific fact.
I've also read that for whatever reasons, some males these days are not mentally maturing until into their 30's or by time they turn 40. Perhaps its something in our environment that affects and slows down normal brain development and some people are more affected by it than others.
You will be ready to have kids when you are older, have found a Mature man who is in love with you, loves children, and is financially able to provide for you and the kids. Before that...don't let anyone force you into it to prove that you care about them or love them. That is not proof of love, that is only proof of stupidity or at least immaturity of the brain.
Good luck dear.
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He wants kids NOW? While you are teens, and only just got together?
Or he wants kids at some point?
If he wants kids NOW, at the beginning of a relationship between a 17 year old and an 18 year old - dump him.
He is either too stupid to have sex with, or he thinks if he gets your pregnant, he can bind you to him and own you.
I'm sorry to be so harsh, I really am, but an 18 year old (of any gender) who is putting any pressure on a 17 year old (of any gender) to have a baby right now, is someone you run screaming from. At best, they have no idea what parenthood really entails and no aspirations or plans for their life beyond parenthood. At worse, they are seeking false intimacy, or to control and isolate their partner by impregnating (or getting impregnated) by them.
If he wants kids at some point in the future, and you are also open to have kids someday, then you don't really have a problem you need to handle at all. You've got years to figure out what works for you both. But if he wants kids now - run. Run far and run fast. That is a HUGE warning sign.
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I of course can not tell you exactly what to do. At the end of the day it's your decision. Just keep that in mind before making rash decision. You two have just started dating and I don't know how well you guys know each other. A child is a lot of responsibility so you need to make sure that this is a person you want to spend the rest of your life with. The child deserves a home with happy parents. You say you like going out and having fun and of course that is what a girl your age should be doing (not to lecture you of course). Since you are not a 100% positive be honest with him. Sit him down and tell him you're not ready. Tell him that you guys are both young and can not give a child exactly what it needs right now. You can spend more time getting to know each other and if the feeling lasts in a couple years then maybe you will be ready. He will love you exactly the same...or rather he should love you the same without a baby. Just be open and honest to him about why you're not ready and why not wait. You guys have so much time. I hope this helps. All the best
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