|
what to expect when losing virginity
I am a virgin and am considering having sex with my boyftiend. Can someone tell me what to expect painwise. How long will it hurt. Will iy hurt the whole time. Will i bleed?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Virginity?
It's different for each person. It would be more helpful to know your age. The younger you are, the more pain you'll feel. Because you're body will still be developing.
For me, it was actually very painful. I didn't bleed though.
Just make sure you're on birth control and use condoms. You don't want to get STDs or get pregnant.
]
You didn't mention age, so I want to stress that if you're a teen, discuss birth control ahead of time, don't count on the guy buying condoms or even being able to purchase them. Perhaps one or the other of you should make a trip to Planned parenthood to get some free condoms. If the two of you decide to make this a regular practice and become sex partners as well, then another trip to PP is in order to get on a better birth control like the pill, shot or IUD.
That said, now on to pain. I will explain in general and then add a link to video with a visual prop to give you an idea of what the hymen is like.
The hymen is extra skin that is stretchy and elastic to a point and covers a portion of one side or both of the circumferance of the vagina. Only in rare cases are there variations where none are at the sides but a strip going down from top to bottom at the middle in effect creating two much smaller openings to the vagina. In medical cases of this occurance, called Septate hymen, the girls could not even get a tampon in or out without extreme pain and difficulty and in some cases having to see a doctor to have tampon removed. The septate hymen skin is easily removed at a dr office with a couple snips and none of the females having it done reported any discomfort after wards. Other than that, if you have normal hymen, it needs to be stretched out slowly not abruptly.
A penis entering too fast will cause pain if not ripping also. The tearing is something that will heal easily on its own. Other causes for twinges of pain, though not extreme is not enough lubrication. Use liberal amounts of personal lube products like KY jelly or others. Most teens are too embarassed to purchase such a product let alone condoms and try to have sex without lube. While human saliva has been used on occasion to lubricate it isn't the best way and not preferable for other reasons. Best to use a proper lubricant that is also compatible with the latex of condom and wont make it deteriorate. When just beginning to enter, the sides of the penis can grab at the skins surrounding the entrance to the vaginal opening and kind of try to drag that skin inside along with and thats a pinching, twinge type of discomfort. Everyone has a different pain tolerance level. I can tolerate great pain so it may be a twinge for me, and great pain for you. Depends on the person. Lube applied before hand to your labia and the entrance and onto the condom clad penis will make all the difference in the world along with him entering slowly like just a 1/2 inch to inch at a time and stopping and waiting until your body and hymen stretches and adjusts, and then you give him the signal to move a wee bit further and continue this way until he's all in.
The hymen is a first sex pain experience. Being too dry can happen any time in your life so always be willing to communicate well with your sex partner including letting them know to adjust what they are doing and how if one things uncomfortable, not arousing you etc.
Another cause for pain is the woman not getting enough foreplay to be aroused. Arousal brings the following changes in a woman to prepare her for sex, a rush of blood to her genital area to engorge it, a release of lubricating fluids inside the vagina (though it doesnt necessarily make it to the point of lubricating the outer ring of the vaginal entrance before sex.) and the other change is that the vagina changes in length from its usual length of 3 to 4 inches to 5-7 inches because the uterus pulls upward pulling the length of vagina with it. Most men are average size in penis 5-7 inches erect. So if the average female is not aroused when that length of penis goes in, you can imagine there is possible discomfort. In this case, more of an achy pain due to the head of penis slamming against the cervix too hard. If you've ever felt your cervix with your fingers, it kinda feels like the end of your nose, skin over cartilage rather than bone but it doesnt feel good being hit too hard. A penis that is longer than the vaginal length even when you are aroused, substantially longer, can cause the only awful pain I've ever felt. The tip of the penis in my case slipped past the cervix to either the right or left side pounding into the skin there which made it hit a nerve that gave me what i'D describe as charlie horse cramping, or like hitting your elbow--the funny bone with its electric shock pain, or that pinched lumbar nerve that sends pains shooting down your legs. And it was extreme, out of every possible sexual position we could try, there was only one that kinda worked to not produce much pain. Needness to say, we broke it off cus we could not work out a way for both to enjoy sexual part of the relationship. I'm in my 50-s and through all my life, thats the only one time I ever had this problem so compared to the percentage of partners I've had, I'd have to say its very rare but still a possibility worth mentioning.
The bleeding part is like a couple drops, no more than you'd get from a paper cut.
If you mentally are not ready though, you will subconsciously be tightening all your muscles including those in your pelvic region and that will make it more uncomfortable for you. First sex is not a very memorable thing for the majority of people because they didn't know enough, it hurt or they weren't ready.
Your wanting to consider having sex because you have a boyfriend you trust just to see what it feels like, or because you don't want to be a virgin at your age are both not good reasons to have sex. A boyfriend asking you to become sexual with him is not a good enough reason for you either.
There needs to be a desire to have sex such as being aroused sexually by being with your boyfriend. You are excited sexually and you can feel your body already going through those internal changes and feel comfortable with him and both of you want to share this expression of your feelings for each other as a way to mutually pleasure and satisfy each other. It should never be all about one person only getting their sexual needs met and not the other ever. If you both feel this way, have taken preparations against pregnancy, then I'd say you were ready. If not, don't force yourself to do something you aren't ready for.
]
Every woman's experience in losing their virginity is different! When I lost my virginity, I didn't feel any pain, and I didn't bleed. Other girls that have told me their experience have told me that it hurt a lot, and that it hurt for a little while after and some bled a lot. Not to seem weird, but it sometimes depends on how big his penis is! I hope this helped you a little bit, and I hope you get everything figured out!
Stay Golden!
xoxo
]
Okay...
I feel like (as an 18 yr old girl myself) you want an answer based on experience and no disrespect to Adviceman-but he can't give you that from a gals view!
The first time I did it...was a one night stand. Like as soon as I started Uni. So my first tip would be to ensure you're ready. You may be 'considering' it, but do you think emotionally you're ready? Will you be upset because its got, or will be happy because its gone?
Pain wise. It hurts, but not as much as being fingered in my experience. I don't know why, but that's the case with me. I didn't bleed-that's because you only bleed if the hymen tears a lot. However if you do a lot of physical activity particularly cycling (moi) then it tears anyway.
So you'll bleed if you don't really exercise and have never been fingered or anything like that before.
It hurts straight off, but only um a kind of stretchy pain. So you should get used to it after a minute or so. I'd say just breathe through it and if after a minute its still not pleasurable and kills, stop.
I guess the great thing is its your boyfriend. Its not a one night stand. Like me. I wish I waited to do it for the first time with my boyfriend currently. He'll care about you so there should be less pressure there to 'perform' because a) He loves you for YOU and not how good you are in bed b) He should already know you're a virgin, (if not-do tell him) so he'll be aware the first time could be painful.
Just make sure you tell him to be gentle and don't feel pressured into it if you know he's really up for it. To be honest if you're not totally up for it be honest and say, because then you'll be nervous and everything will seem a whole lot harder.
Hopefully I've given you an insight. The best piece of advice I can give you is go with the flow. Its the not knowing that makes you worried. So I guess just by trying it'll make you more clued up. oh and always wear protection.
Good luck :))
]
You have not given your age so answering your question is not going to be very definitive. The reason for wanting to know your age is as simple as it is somewhat a bit disturbing.
There are two reasons your parents ask or tell you not to have sex when you are young. Young meaning while you're still in school or even waiting until you're married. Which to be truthful is a bit hypocritical as most of todays parents were not virgins when they married. Still the reasons behind their requests are valid.
Of course the most valid of the reasons are accidental pregnancy. Regardless of what someone may have told you it is possible to get pregnant the first time you have sex. I don't know how old that line is but I have reason to believe it was some guy that made it up so his girl would give him her virginity.
Now as to the age thing, and this is where the pain and bleeding come in. Some girls start to develop at very early ages. some as young as preteens. While there is nothing out of the ordinary with early development it is mostly an external development. You develop the curves and breast of a mature woman. Internally you are still underdeveloped or underdevelopment.
In the case of sexual intercourse your vagina is still that of a young girl. The hormones needed, produced by puberty, to allow your vagina to stretch and accommodate a males penis have not yet been released. Yes you may be getting your period this comes long before the hormones needed to unlock the muscles of your vagina are released. If you cannot comfortably insert a Tampon while sitting on the toilet you're not ready for intercourse. It is really that simple.
will intercourse hurt the whole time depends on the above.
The bleeding, if you bleed generally is from the tearing of your Hymen. Now you may or may not still have your Hyman. You may have torn it while trying to insert a Tampon, or during physical activity like bike riding or Ballet. You could even dislodge your Hymen during masturbation.
since you have not given your age my advice is to wait until you are at least closer to graduation if not in college to have sexual intercourse. There are other ways to satisfy both yours and your boyfriends sexual urges. There is mutual masturbation where you give him a hand job and he fingers you. Then their is oral sex. Neither of these acts will produce a pregnancy as long as you make sure his sperm does not come anywhere near your vagina.
]
More Questions: |