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I want an engagement ring instead
Hello, I'm 18/F and my boyfriend is 21. We've been dating for almost two years now and we are deeply in love with each other. He wants to get me a promise ring but I think it's a bit childish and I want an engagement ring instead. What should I do?
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You are allowed to propose to your boyfriend if that's what you want. Keep in mind though, you seem to be at different places in the relationship-he isn't quite ready for the commitment that would come with an engagement ring, whereas you don't particularly want to wait. You need to sit down and talk it out with him. Good luck!
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It is your boyfriend's decision when and if he decides to propose to you. He is making a beautiful and loving gesture towards you. You are the one being childish in this situation. It is up to you whether you accept the ring or not but you can't force the poor guy to propose!
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You should be gracious, respectful, and talk to him about the future you want together. You should NOT demand an engagement ring. That's not okay.
I am sorry to be so harsh, but if you are asking is for a way to toss a lovely gift back in your boyfriend's face, and demand a marriage proposal instead... the answer is that is not okay.
It's not gracious. It's not respectful. It's not loving.
If it's important to you that there is, at some point, a down on one knee proposal, then talk to him about that. If you want to talk about the next five years, or ten years together, you should absolutely bring up what you want and hope for!
But you don't get to be rude and reject a lovely gift, just because you wanted a wedding proposal instead.
Talk to him about the future without making immediate demands, and appreciate what you have together now and the lovely expression of love he gave you.
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Firstly, is your 21 year old boyfriend READY for that kinda thing? i hope your not trying to pressure him into it.
a promise ring and an engagement ring are basically the same thing, only a promise ring isnt as expensive (or doesnt have to be) as an engagement ring would be. a ring is just a symbol that you are betrothing yourself to someone and that you will ONE DAY (hopefully whenever you guys can both afford it) be having a wedding.
I was engaged to my now husband of 13 years, for about 5 years! just because you have a ring doesnt mean there has to be a set date either! me and mine didnt have one. we just knew that once we were BOTH ready money wise and had finished school that we would start planning a wedding. theres not shame in wearing either a promise ring OR an engagement ring with no set date. Infact the only thing MY engagement ring did for me was put pressure on us to set a date and start making plans from his side of the family and mine! ((and hes seven years older then me!) so you could obviously gather from THAT, that we were not both in the same place for that yet >>>points at myself<<< lol.
If hes willing to give you a promise ring, you should honestly just take what you can get from him, your both still to young in my mind at least, and you should be focusing on getting your lives together so that when that big day DOES come you can BOTH contribute to the beautiful wedding that you want and im sure DESERVE. so dont rush it cause an engagement ring only puts the wring idea in peoples head that your gonna be getting married at just 18 years old. you might get a bit of a backlash from family or friends that dont agree with it too. ; ) if you love each other youll wait. my husband waited for me and we're still together! good luck sweetie.
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So you want an engagement ring instead? You must have some idea's in mind as to how your life should play out. How long do you think is a good time for you to be engaged? How big of a wedding? How many kids do you want to have and how soon?
Your time frame may not match with his and he has a perfectly good reason, a practical, logical one that Breezy hinted at, for not going for an engagement ring yet. So hon, I suggest you have a good heart to heart talk with him, not to try to convince him to go your way, but find a compromise if one can be found.
I know it may hurt to be told that instead of your boyfriend coming across as childish that perhaps in reality your expectations are too high for your boyfriend and when others hear your story it can come across to them as you seeming immature, even though you may not in actuallity be so. But your statements could easily make you appear so.
If there's more to your story as to what, if anything, the two of you have discussed for the future for you as a couple that may help shed light on your situation, we can help you better. If he has shared why he wants to do this in two steps, promise ring, then engagement ring, it would help for us to know. If he simply popped the surprise on you and said he wants to give you a promise ring and you never said anything back to him or questioned his actions or thought behind it, then you still need to do that.We cant guess what he was thinking. Communication is an important part to a healthy relationship. 18 is young to be engaged. 20 is early to get married. I know cus I did at 20. And it turned out to be a disaster. But if you are mature enough at 18, then do the mature thing and when he says or does something that brings up questions in your mind, or doesnt sit right with you, then come right out and ask him. Be careful to not speaking in a harsh tone of voice, or point the finger or condemn or ridicule or any other negative thing.
If you do decide to talk to him, a good thing to avoid is saying you thought he was childish. Make any statements be about yourself, not him, so saying "You disappointed me cus i was expecting an engagement ring" is out of the question because it starts with the word "You" and immediately puts the other person on the defensive, same as you would react if someone spoke to you that way. Instead, When you gave me the promise ring, "I" felt disappointed. I guess I was expecting that after 2 years together an engagement ring was more likely what you'd give me." This doesnt blame him for his choice...just informs him how you felt so now he can realize he needs to discuss things with you. Hope this helps you some.
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You should be grateful that you are getting a ring from your boyfriend. Honestly, I think it is a bit childish of you to say you want an engagement ring instead.
I think it's appropriate for any couple who wish they could be engaged, and cannot, for whatever reason, be it age, financial issues, or anything else. It's a symbol that says "someday, this will be replaced with the real thing," and is a reminder of the couple's love.
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