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I want to be able to tell my parents how I feel
Hi, I'm 19/F. I'm deeply in love with my boyfriend of almost 2 years now but our relationship has been kind of private due to my parents. They are not allowing me to start dating until I get at least a bachelors degree but I love my boyfriends so much. He wants me to tell my parents about us so do I but I'm scared that they'll get mad and start drama. His mother knows about us and I just want to be able to tell my parents about anything. What should I do?
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Alright, I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Now don't get me wrong I absolutely love him. I broke up with him because neither of our parents knew and I didn't like lying to them. He WOULD NOT tell his mum and I did ask him several times.. I ended up telling my mum about him after we broke up. Please, please, please do not make the same mistake I did, tell your parents. I swear its worth it, love.
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It's unrealistic to think that you're not going to date until after you have a BA... You'll be a really real adult by then...
Easiest thing to do, if YOU (not your bf... he doesn't matter in this scenario) if YOU want to tell your parents that you're seeing him... here's a good way...
Tell your parents you'd like to go to dinner somewhere... drive separate from them and show up with your bf. You introduce him and say, "I want you to get to know him, because I've been seeing him for two years, and I don't like that I've had to hide him from you."
You have to be super adult. If they say something that upsets you, you have to hold down the rage and sadness, and just tell them, "He hasn't had any effect my studies yet, so I don't see what my BA has to do with our relationship."
BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY CALM.
You have to act like an adult. You're TELLING THEM that this has been happening and it's going to continue... you're not ASKING THEM if it's okay. You've proven it's okay. You're showing them how you're a responsible adult, but that you also have a life of your own.
The more adult and calm you are, the less you respond to anything negative they might say with rage or upset, and the less nervous you can manage to seem, the more seriously they'll take you. They just want what's best for you, but you're growing up, and they'll have to deal with that.
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It shouldn't always matter what your parents say. When you love someone, you fight for them.
Yes, I understand that your parents care for you, but is it really call caring if you do what they say and it breaks your heart? They wouldn't want to see you upset. You have to make them understand that you're in love with him. And there's nothing that can tear you two apart. And if you two shall ever part it is because of you two, not anyone else.
I was in the same situation as you are in now. I fought against my parents to be with him, but you know, sometimes parents know best, but that was in MY case. Even if you do fight and in the end, it didn't turn out the way you wanted, at least you could say you tried and it made you stronger.
Never give up on your love because of other people.
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Sweet heart you are 19 years old. If you love this man then tell them. I was married separated 4 months before I meet the love of my life it was rocky I wasn't sure I was ready to give it my all he waited and proved how much he loves me we have been together 6 months and I'm taking him to meet my mother in 2 weeks. You can do it
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My parents were really against me dating too (more of a double standard thing) but once you hit 18 it's your choice. You're an adult. I would try talking to your mom first. Woman to woman, tell her how long you've been dating and that it has effected your priorities and that you love him and would like if you guys met him and could invite him to dinner. And see where it goes from there.
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Don't tell your parents until you are ready. Their reactions to what you say is something only you have to deal with not your boyfriend so while he wants you to tell your parents it's not him who will suffer the consequences. Although you are an adult as long as they are providing for you financially they will continue with their expectations. They only want Whats best for you. As most parents they just want to shield you from aanything that might have negative consequences. If you are content with your relationship and are able to maintain the relationship without disclosing it to your parents then why say anything and upset them. Now if you are constantly having to sneak around and fear getting caught living in edge every moment of your life then it just might be easier to tell your parents. If you are at the point where you are fed up and just want them to know I think you should make sure your grades are up and that you are doing well in every other area of life so that when you tell them they can see that being in the relationship is not interfering with your studies or other life goals. However if your desire to tell them is based solely on pressure from your boyfriend then I would hold off and take more time to decide if this is something you truly want to do.
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And they want you to wait until that point for what reason? Did they ever say? Perhaps they came up with that because one or both of them never completed their degrees because they met and fell in love and that distracteducase them from their schooling? OR made them decide to drop out.
As your parents, they had every right to make rules about your dating while you were not yet of the age of consent. But at 18, you are considered a legal adult and all they can do at this point is make a suggestion, but your parents can not make such a restriction as not allowing you to date.
The only situations in which I think they may still believe they have a right is if you willing agreed to their plan at some point. Now that you are older, if you have changed your mind, the thing to do is let them know that you no longer want to be held to a promise you made in the past to wait until your bachelors degree to date. You let them know that you are breaking that agreement and will begin dating, or have begun dating.
The only other reason I have seen often is when the parents are totally footing the bill for college and make rules they expect you to follow if they are paying and if you break those rules, they threaten to stop paying. If this is the case, you had a choice to accept their offer exactly as stands or disagree and try to renegotiate with them for something different if you still wanted their funding college. Or just not agree at all to their rules. If you did agree and have changed your mind, then you must be willing to lose the financial help.Thats just how it goes. Hope this helps you decide whether to tell them or not.
If you do share this info and they are not supportive or don't approve, Do not despair. Keep in mind that your life is only yours to live, not for them to live through you. You must do what you believe is best for you. Its hard for some parents to switch from parenting mode when their child becomes an adult to a more supportive counseling mode but many eventually figure that out. For parents that dont get it, we keep in mind that they say what they say cus they love us and want the best for us. good luck.
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I think that since you've almost been dating for 2 years, it would be okay to tell your parents now. At first, they might be mad since it's gone on for so long without them knowing, but you're technically an adult now and could move out and get married if you wanted to! Ultimately, if you love your boyfriend and plan on staying together for a long time, your parents will learn to love him too because he makes you happy. I don't know if your parents are the type to disown you or stop talking to you when they find out things like this, but in the end it is your life and your decision. I know it must be hard for you, and I wish I could help more, but I'm always here to talk if you need follow-up advice when you tell them. Best of luck!
-Holly :)
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