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< I am a Christian and I am a mother >Hello all. I am a 36 year old married mother of three boys. I have my degree in Forensic psychology and business management- human resources, I work in social services while juggling my three children and a marriage. When I originally joined this community I was excited to get back into what I love and that is helping people through listening, understanding, and guidance. However I quickly found that through my desire to help others, others are helping me. I have found my advice column beyond rewarding. I have found myself getting extremely passionate about each and every question that I read and respond to. The more the questions the greater the connection I have found between people of all walks of life, ages groups, races, gender, and religion. What I have found to be our greatest bind is love. Love for others and the love of being loved.
advice
So I'm gonna make this quick. My mom keeps trying to force me to go to church. For reference, I'm 19 years old, in college, and live at home. I've been away from church from the past month mainly because I like just being home on the weekends, and catching up on homework, studying, sleep, or TV. My mom is trying to force me to go again. The only sold reason she can give me is that, people at church keep asking about me, and she can't keep lying for me. I never told her to. Me resting at home is the truth. I couldn't give two shits about people at church, they don't pay my tuition bill and neither does my mom. So as far as I'm concerned, I should be the one calling the shots. How do I get my mom to just leave me be? Thanks.
Get used to it until you get your own place. I'm 39 my mother won't allow anyone to be in her home on Sunday during church services. She's never going to change and I doubt your mom will either. She's doing it because she loves you and believes it's the right thing to do. It actually sounds like she's trying to be subtle in asking you to church. It doesn't sound like she's trying to force anything on you just trying to nudge you back to church.
20/F here. I've been struggling with my mental health for the past three years or so, but I can't give a name to it.
At first, it was a lot of depressive feelings. I saw my doctor after about a year, he told me I had dysthymia and basically told me to get exercise, take vitamin D, and see a counselor. I already had a counselor but wasn't getting a lot out of it. It felt good to talk to her for the time I was there, but as soon as I walked out of her office, everything went back the way it was.
I had some pretty bad insomnia, and had messed up eating habits (sometimes eating way too much, sometimes hardly eating, but never purposely starving myself).
I had a couple panic attacks which terrified me because I had absolutely no idea what was happening to me.
I developed a habit of self harm, but convinced myself it wasn't a big deal since I was just digging my nails into my arm, I never drew blood (but I still have scars), and I only did it when I was really stressed.
About 16 months ago I suddenly got super stressed and anxious all the time. I was having panic attacks or breaking down in tears literally every day for a couple months. It got so bad that there were a couple days where I had slightly suicidal thoughts (I didn't have any plan in my mind, just a vague concept. I've never told anyone that). Was still talking to counselor weekly, but nothing she suggested helped matters. Went back to my doctor, got put on a mild dose of a "mood stabilizer" (venlafaxine), but he didn't really give me a diagnosis?
The past year I've had days and weeks where I've felt depressed, or where I've felt anxious, or both, or neither. I've had a few panic attacks. I've stopped seeing my counselor because the situation just wasn't convenient anymore. I've been back to the doctor and am still on the meds he gave me last year.
I just don't know what's wrong with me. I know something is wrong, but I don't think I have major depression, or really dysthymia, or anxiety disorder, because none of it is constant enough or severe enough. I just...struggle with mental health? I don't know how to phrase it.
What am I even asking here? I guess I just want advice on how to approach this topic with myself and with others. People like labels, and i don't have one, so what do i say?
I'm completely against prescription medication without a definite diagnosis and in your situation I'd get more than one opinion. The meds could actually make things worse. You're so young actually going through big changes from youth to adulthood I think you're just having a difficult time transitioning. More than anything I feel you need to keep a journal and try to figure out your triggers. What is going on when you have these anxiety attacks. Do they seem to happen around the sms time of day or after certain activities or being around certain people. Once you get a sense of when they occur figure out what helps calm you down. Is it time alone, talking with someone, having your favorite snack, taking a break etc. Often things aren't as complicated as doctors or others make them out to be. It's just a matter of figuring out how to deal with feeling over whelmed and letting those close to you know what you're dealing with so they are helpful and not harmful.
I'm a late-30s woman with an unsuccessful dating history. I've been seeing a man for two months that I was initially THRILLED about - he's age-appropriate (early 40s), fun, sweet, silly and handsome. But only 8 weeks into things, he has begun canceling plans often - four or five times in just the last few weeks. It's really bothering me.
He always has a legitimate excuse for cancelling - a bad cold that came on suddenly, an old friend popping into town, forgetting about tax day, etc. When we're together it feels wonderful and authentic - I don't doubt his affection! But his flakiness means we only see each other once a week, at the most. I'm almost 40 and lonely - I'm looking for something serious, not someone I see every 10 days.
We are dating exclusively and I have met some of his family. He talks about the future with me, and says he wants a wife and kids. But his actions speak differently. I find myself worried about whether there is something going on that he isn't sharing with me. And the more I worry and feel rejected, the more my own excitement about the relationship is starting to fade away.
I've brought up my concerns with him twice already. He was defensive both times, reminding me that all his excuses are legit and that he really likes me. He says I shouldn't be dumping on our wonderful new relationship. I certainly can't bring it up again, so I just sit alone with my feelings. I can't shake this sinking feeling and this disappointment. I thought this relationship had SO much potential, but now I'm seeing red flags everywhere.
Am I being oversensitive? Are these REALLY red flags, or am I imagining offenses based on my own baggage? (Guys have lied to me and ghosted me a million times before.) Should I give up on this guy and cut my losses, or keep trying to work through it? I hate wasting my time at this age. I feel totally confused and crazy and I have no one to talk to about it.
Thank you for answering. I really need help.
You already know the answer. He's seeing someone else. None of his excuses were a reason for not being around you. He's sick you could have been there to care for him. A friend in town he could introduce you two. Things are only going to get worse. Move on before you invest anymore time. You're too old for those games.
I don't really know where to start, so I'll just jump in. I really, really, REALLY hate myself sometimes. I'm a 31 year old college drop out, I have a dead end job that my mom got for me after I'd gone unemployed for a while, I've never had the balls to go after my dreams because I'm afraid I'll just screw them up like I screw everything else up, I can't emphasize enough how I screw pretty much EVERYTHING up, I have no useful talents, and I feel like an absolute nothing. I wonder sometimes why I was born in the first place.
I think what feels the worst is feeling extremely unloved, unwanted, and unimportant and having no one to talk to about it. I have a terrible relationship with my father, and I'm afraid I'm about to have one with my sister (my only sibling) as well. My mom loves me, which is great and nothing to take for granted, but I feel like no one else really cares. My dad's made it clear that I'm a disappointment to him and he and I have very, very little contact these days because his life revolves around my sister and nephew and he ignores me. When we are around each other, he treats me like his own personal human emotional punching bag. He gets angry extremely easily and takes it out on me. He'll get angry at my sister, but won't say a word to her about it because he wouldn't dare risk hurting her feelings or anything like that. Instead, he comes after me because my feelings don't matter to him and he doesn't care how he makes me feel by attacking me when I haven't done anything.
I feel like, aside from my mom, everyone who has ever cared about me much is gone. I had three grandparents who used to make me feel loved who have all died. The only one that's still alive ignores me like my dad does. I had this old school counselor once who I saw once a week from the 7th grade to the week before I graduated high school. She was a very sweet, loving, Christian woman who was the first person outside of my family to tell me she loved me. I was walking out of the room where she and I met at the time and I actually went straight across the hall to the bathroom and cried when she said that. It meant so much to me. But she died nearly three years ago. I feel like any friends I've ever had have moved away and I have a hard time making more because I'm so overly afraid of being judged as a loser that I don't let people that close to me. I feel like I make bad first impressions anyway and that also makes it hard to make friends.
I feel unsafe talking to anyone about this because when I've tried in the past, people have shamed me hard for my feelings and made me feel like I could never open up to anyone ever again. They don't listen, they ignore details, they put words in my mouth when it comes to my feelings, they let their own past experiences cloud their judgement, some of them yell at me, they call me whiny, they shame me, they make me hate myself more than I already do, and worst of all, they make me feel more unworthy, unimportant, and insignificant than I already do.
I didn't have a great 30th birthday. It was alright, nothing to complain about, it just wasn't special. My dad and sister ignored it, which hurt because I acknowledged and helped celebrate my sister's 30th and she actually planned our dad's 60th. It didn't sit well with me that after I did that for her and after she did that for our dad, showing that she does care about some people's milestone birthdays, she just ignored mine, showing that she didn't care about it. When I made the horrible mistake of expressing my feelings about that, people shamed me, called me self centered, and made me feel like I wasn't worth my sister's or my dad's trouble anyway.
Speaking of my 30th, my mom felt bad that she didn't make a bigger deal out of it as she typically goes over the top for birthdays, especially milestones. I told her that she did well on my 30th and didn't need to worry,. But she still felt bad, so she asked me what I wanted her to do to make it up to me. I said I didn't want anything, but she kept asking. SHE wanted to do something for me, SHE asked me what I wanted, so I came up with one idea. We had several movie nights over the course of a long weekend. I'm a big nerd when it comes to movies, especially scary movies. The ones from the 90's are my favorites, particularly the Scream trilogy I call it a trilogy because that's what the creators meant for it to be. Scream 3 was a perfect ending to the series and Scream 4 was an atrocity that should've never happened. This isn't relevant to my problem, it's just something that really pisses me off. Anyway, I stayed at her place that weekend and we watched the Scream trilogy. When I made the mistake of mentioning this to anyone, the next thing I knew, I was being berated for being emotionally manipulative for "guilting" my mom into doing this for me even though SHE was the one who said she didn't think she made a big enough deal about my 30th, SHE asked me how she could make it up to me and I at first told her I didn't want anything. This makes me feel like everyone always thinks thinks the worst of me in every situation, which makes me have a hard time not thinking the worst of myself.
Everytime I have a moment of any kind, my sister takes it away from me. If I lose a bunch of weight while she's struggling to do so, she gets mad, calls me a bitch, and makes me feel guilty for it. If I accomplish something, she puts it down and makes her accomplishments seem better. If I celebrate some big event in my life, she finds a way to make it all about herself. I can't vent to anyone about this because they'll just defend my sister and say that if it makes her feel better to do this, then there's nothing wrong with it. However, if I ever did the same thing to her, I'm the devil in the same people's eyes.
Another example would be when my maternal grandfather was in the hospital having surgery to repair a ruptured bowel. His chances of survival were very poor and I was alone in having to deal with the stress of his illness all day that day. My mom was out of town at the time and was trying to get home, but it took her like sixteen hours to do so. My uncles we're trying to get here as well, but the only relative of mine who could be with me anytime soon was my paternal grandmother (the one who doesn't care about me). Someone called her and suggested she come down here to be with me since I was alone and scared out of my mind. She called me to ask if I wanted her to come to town (she lives less than an hour away) and I said yes. She sounded disappointed and put out, but claimed she'd be here soon. Then, she called back several hours later and said she wasn't coming. If I open up to anyone about this except my mom and maybe my sister, they ask me what I did to my grandmother to make her care about me so little or accuse me of being too passive and not letting her know I wanted her here even though I specifically told her I did. Despite some relatives not being there for me when I need them or when I'm celebrating something important to me, people tell me I'm stupid for caring about those things or thinking they give any indication of how much those relatives care about me. They may be right about the birthday thing, but when it comes to the story of my grandfather being in the hospital and my grandmother not coming when I asked her to, I can't believe that this story does not indicate that my grandmother doesn't care about me very much. I mean, maybe if there was a reason she couldn't or shouldn't come to the hospital, I wouldn't feel that way, but there wasn't. She just didn't want to come. Aside from some people claiming that people can treat me this way and still love me "more than I will ever know," others have called me self centered for wanting love anyway and make me feel like I'm not worth it.
I want to be married someday and have children, but a few people have recently made me feel like I wouldn't be worth a damn to my family either. Some man stated a while back that dads were better parents than moms. That bothered me, so while searching the internet like an idiot to try to find something expressing equality between parents, I found a couple articles claiming that fathers are more important than mothers and one claimed that mother's aren't important at all. That they have no impact on their children at all unless it's a negative one, such as if they're abusive. Now, I know people can be morons and the internet is full of them and that I'm probably a moron for looking all of this up. I also know that whoever wrote that article is probably some butt hurt dad that gets pushed around and made to feel unimportant by his family, causing him to feel insecure and feel the need to make dads more important than moms, but it still bothers me. It makes me wonder how much my kids would need me if I had any. I also wonder what man would ever want to marry me. Everytime a guy seems interested in my, part of me almost judges him for being interested. I think so little of myself that I can't see why anyone would like me.
I hate people for making me feel so unimportant, but at the same time, I feel like anytime someone does seem to care about me and want to listen to my feelings, I don't want to tell them. I feel frustrated because I have all the feelings I've mentioned and more, but while my mom's asked me to confide in her, she tends to interrupt me when I try to. As for other people, I have this odd, incongruous feeling of being irritated with them when they ask me to talk. I can't explain it. I want so bad for someone other that my mom to care about me, but when someone does, I want to ask them why. Why do they care? Why do they want to hear about my feelings? Why do they think my feelings matter? Why do they think I matter? I don't get it. And I know I'm insane for feeling this way. I'm grateful when someone shows that they care, I really am, but I've been made to feel like I don't matter for so long that it causes me to feel this way and have no idea why I would feel this way (I hope that makes sense).
Lately, I've been having dreams about my future. I had a dream back in March that I was married to a great guy and that I'd just had a baby boy named Roman (my favorite boy name). I had a dream another night that Roman was grown and was so sweet, charming, and handsome and was taking care of me and showing concern for me when I was sick. I had a dream that I'd had a baby named Aaron and he was so cute I wanted to eat him up, but when I wake up from these dreams, I feel that I don't deserve the things I dreamed about. I had a dream last night that I shot myself and it scared the hell out of me. That's why I'm on this site today. I don't think I'd ever actually commit suicide, but that dream really scared me. Does anyone have any advice for me about how to handle these feelings?
P.S. Sorry this wound up being so long.
I haven't been on this site in forever. I'm not even sure what led me to get on. As much as I want to answer your questions I am completely freaked out had I told someone I was going on this site I would swear this was a practical joke.
My name is Aaran I have 3 sons although I love them equally my youngest and the one I have the best relationship with is named Roman. My sister is a doctor and of course everyone falls all over her while I've been the "disappointment" dispite my accomplishments.
I'm sitting here like WOW. I can understand your situation very well and I have some advice.
First you have to accept that you're a grown adult and only you can make your life what you want for yourself. No one owes you a special birthday although it would be nice. If your family isn't treating you the way you want to be treated then move on. It may hurt but you'll become stronger and open yourself up to being loved by others who deserve what you have to offer. I honestly think you're suffering from depression. From reading your post your complaints and concerns don't read as if they are from someone of your age group. I am curious about your childhood. You really need to start taking responsibility for yourself which includes your own happiness and realizing you are a special person all by yourself and you don't need the aproval of others. I would seriously suggest seeking help from a psychiatrist. You may even need some medication to help pull you out of this sad emotional state. I think once you start feeling better about yourself you will become more productive and find some goals and dreams to shoot for. Until you feel better about yourself I wouldn't suggest bringing any children into the world. However I do believe that when you have confidence in yourself and get to believe how important and special you really are the more others will see that. You've heard of the self fulfilling prophecy. I think that is really the problem going on. You're allowing what others say or think of you to actually create what you have become. You are the only person that has to live your life. Don't let negativity of others dictate your future. If it's truly gotten to the point where you really believe you're better off dead you definitely need medical help and there is nothing wrong with getting help. Everyone needs help at some point in their life. You are a blessing from God for someone you just don't know it yet. Give yourself some time to discover just how wonderful you are. The people in your family may be dealing with their own issues that you may be unaware of. They may be hurting and pushing their hurt off on you. You just never know what's going on in the minds of others.
Please get some professional help. Don't make permanent actions based on temporary circumstances. Things will get better.
Hello, this is in regards to what should I do and is this even my place to say.
My boyfriend is 32 and I am 26. We met almost 3 years ago and knew we both have kids from previous relationships. My boyfriend is very involved in his child's life but it was limited due to him living 45 minutes away from her mother's home. He is paying $650 a month for one child.
Well my boyfriend and I bought a home that is approximately 15 minutes away from the mother of his child, he is now more involved in his child's life. The only thing is that the child, per court order, does not stay the night at our home during school nights. (The child is 7).
Now my boyfriend and I had a baby together (he was born in June and is now 4 months old), wouldn't my boyfriend be able to modify his child support and family sharing plan agreement now since he lives a lot closer and his child can actually stay the night at our home? Can a child support payments be reduced now that he has a new dependent?
I also know this is all between him and his ex but me, being his current girlfriend and now the mother of his 4-month-old baby, do I have a right to say for him to change things? Any advice?
Thanks in advance!
It depends on the state you live in. Each state has their own method of calculating child support. Now that he's closer I would strongly assume visitation would also change which would probably also change the child support amount along with the additional financial responsibility. You may need to actually put him on child support to prove that his income has changed even if he puts the money right back into the household it still shows proof of a change in his financial situation.
I sacrificed my life for my daughter. Her father who I divorced because he,was,abusive, physically and emotionally. I moved away when the divorce was final and concentrated on my new job who gave me the opportunity for a good life to support my child because her father never helped. To this day he has never admitted what he did and I minimized what he did. So my daughter visits him like he was the one who sacrificed for her. I left my family, friends a familiar place now many years have past. Daughter got married to a multi degrees ass. He doesn't respect me and she goes along with him but acts like that's not the case. A mother knows. I tried to remarry, he died 14 months after we wed. Put me in financial turmoil. I'm crawling out but so tired. You are nothing without support. Nothing without family. I was there for my daughter but wasn't rich enough to pay for all her college degrees. She has three degrees and student loAns that she blames me for. I paid what I could trying to keep a home for her to come home to on breaks. She went to best schools. He got yet another degree but can't put her in the same life style she grew up in, I grew up in. The other day I got fed up and told him whAt I thought. I can't stand him. He lunged at me once before , he did it agAin. And he is a Professor. He is a piece of suit. His family are ghetto snakes. I look around me I have nothing to live for . I'm sure he continues to turn my grandson against me. The pain is too much . This is my last entry. Anonymous so no cry for help.looking for how to leave here without pain. Ill miss the Lord's blue skies.
Please understand there are people who love and care a great deal for you. Although it might seem like it this isn't the end of happiness for you. I strongly believe you should step back and allow your daughter to live her life make mistakes and arrays know you are there for her. Often young women will put up with so much for a man's love even allow him to take her through hell and back all while pushing those who truly care for them away. The time will come where she will need you. Believe me when I tell you it's only a matter of time. In the mean time why not focus on yourself? Find friends you can spend time with. Join a club sports league or take a fun artsy course. You could join a gym. Get fit and compete in fitness competitions. I'm just throwing ideas out there. Please know how special you are. This moment of hurt and pain isn't worth taking your life and entering the unknown.
well i been heartbroken over this guy named josiah for 4-5 years, we were close and almost dated. he led me on and used me til didnt need me anymore, and is my first love, kiss who lost virginity to etc. we ent from talking alot flirting etc to all sudden it stopped. idk why still, and foundout from someone that is married now. i tried sending a friend request on facebook, playing it off as dont have these feelings still, but denied request but didnt block. want talk to him so badly, as did have a miscarriage of his child and never griefed properly as kept it from my family cause they lecture me about having feelings for him tho thats not something i can help , tried everything i could think of to move on, and now in a relationship with lance, who treats me like queen do care for just not as much as do josiah. he knows had thing for him in past, as told him how he hurted me badly emotionally dont think it was intentional tho cuase he's best guy i ever knew before lance. what should i do? and want make my current relationship work though im just settling for lance since cannot have josiah like we were...
I don't think Lance is the one who will bring you past Josiah. Having such strong lingering feelings for Josiah yet trying to fill the void with Lance is really not fair to either one of you. I understand it's a painful and very difficult situation but to drag someone else through this just isn't right. Knowing how much you are hurting I'm sure you wouldn't want to hurt someone else. Okay, I'm wondering if Josiah's wife has access to his FB account and that's why he wasn't able to accept your request. But I also think the reason you were not blocked is either because his wife wants to keep an eye on you and see what's going on in your life or he is still interested in what's going on in your life. You said that you just heard he was married I'm wondering if he might also have a child on the way. Let's look past all this for your own sanity. You deserve happiness and a relationship with someone you genuinely love and who loves you as well. You need to let Lance move on and open your heart up to other options. Perhaps some time as a single person just enjoying life with your friends would be the best thing right now. Let your heart mend so you can give another person a fair chance at true love with you. You'll never get to that point if you continue to worry about your ex. I promise you the time will come where the right man will sweep you off your feet and make you forget all about "what's his name again". You'll even laugh at yourself and the time you wasted. I wonder if it's even more about the chase. I know in my own past experiences I just knew for certainty I was so in love with someone. However, as soon as I "got the guy" my feelings quickly left. I learned a lot about myself when I was younger that I enjoyed the chase or challenge of it all. I wasn't doing it or feeling this way purposefully but subconsciously I suppose. You may be the same way and not even realize it.
Ok so I'm gonna be 15 very shortly so I get my 'ladies' exam next week. I was curious so I checked out my hymen and saw it kinda looks like its broken/torn.. but I'm a virgin.. like I've fingered myself before but no dude has entered me. I'm terrified that the doc will see it and say something to my mom who will flip out and not believe that I'm still a virgin.. any help you can give? like any excuses to give my mom and the doctor?? I'm desperate here!
Generally all doctors I've known of request to see their patients with out their parents because they feel the patients will be more honest so they can make a better diagnosis and treatment having more accurate information. They also understand your concerns. Secondly, no two people are just alike. Without a more extensive examination there's no way to be sure why your body is the way it is. There's a number of reasons the main one being that you used tampons. Just relax, you'll be fine.
My son just turned two months and I recently found out that when I was five months pregnant my boyfriend was on social media asking other girls for their numbers. He obviously deleted any texts so I'm not sure what exactly they were talking about. I know he didn't physically cheat because he was home straight from work. I somewhat confronted him about it. (I couldn't say everything I wanted to because my son was present & I don't like arguing in front of him.) The conversation was pretty much "I know you did it" showed him screenshots. He admitted but didn't say anything that was said. He kept apologizing over and over again & was saying how he doesn't want to lose his family over it. He'll never do it again blah blah blah. I told him I needed time to think and made him move to the spare bedroom. I'm torn. I'm too angry/hurt to bring it up. All I talk to him about is our son. I want to know WHY he did it, what was said, and to who. Should I ask him or would that be pointless? My son deserves to be raised in a complete household and not a broken family but at the same time I deserve someone who's gonna stay faithful. How would you guys make him prove to you that he's worth giving a second chance? Or would you guys just end things now? Advice very much appreciated. Thanks in advance!
You really need more information. Was it just online/texting flirting or full out relationships or meeting up. I think it's worth keeping your family together if it's just a flirting online type of situation. However, if he's involved with someone else that's a whole other thing. I think you will have a good idea soon what is going on. If he's secretive about his phone or not answering when he should be able to or not at home when he normally would be there's more to it. Now it's his responsibility to prove he can be trusted but if you decide to work things out you have to be open to allowing things to be worked out. You can not be over bearing, constantly checking on him and questioning things. You will drive yourself crazy and drive him away. After so long if you just can't get passed the hurt or he didn't prove himself it may be best to go you separate ways rather than making each other miserable. It'll be easier for your child to adjust sooner rather than later if that's what you choose. Don't stay in a miserable relationship for your child. Two happy parents that are separate is much better than two miserable parents together.
Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.
I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.
My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.
I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.
My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!
Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!
I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.
Please help me with some ideas!
Don't worry about that oil change. You'll be fine for awhile. You can apply for a credit card. College students get them easily. Call your car loan company and make arrangements. You can also ask to get lower payments for awhile. Ask if you qualify for something like a hardship payment arrangement. Next time, pawn something in person at a store. You can get the money right away and later pay to get it back. Try a go fund me account. Also talk with an advisor or financial aid at your college. They may know of resources for emergency funding. But you must be smart with your money from now on. You're doing great getting in college, having your own car and job. Don't worry so much. You'll be okay. Unless you are a couple months behind on your car payment I highly doubt they will repo it. You might also look into a cheaper car insurance. Did you buy any books for classes you dropped or don't need? You could return them or sell to someone else. I hope this helps.
I met a guy on deviant art who was 20 (I'm 13 but I turn 14 on January 7th) and we started talking. I never had my age or name up on my profile. Or how I looked like. So he didn't know how old I was or any of that. He saw my art, though and thought I was so great. He had a fan fiction series he was writing and I suggested he made a Wattpad account for it. So he did. And we chatted on there more. One day I suggested he added a cover to his fan fiction and he said he wasn't too good at making covers so I offered to draw one for him. I finished it within a week (I think). He loved it and even told me I did so well, he kinda wanted to give me virtual kisses because of it. I was kinda shocked and didn't know how to respond at first. Then I replied- "That's cute. *virtual kisses* 😘" He did the same. Ever since, we'd been giving each other virtual kisses and I was had been so into him while we were talking as friends so I went along with it. Later on, we got pretty close and I lived it. However, one day I was just looking around at his profile and I saw it. He was 20 effing years old. I didn't know what to do because I was already so into him and thought my age could scare him off. But I ignored it for a while. Months later (and quite recently) he asked me how old I was and my hear freaking SINKED. I freaked out big time and didn't know what to say. I was thinking "Should I tell him my real age?" "What if he never talks to me again?" "What's gonna happen?" Eventually, I freaked out and told him I was 15, thinking it would freak him out a little less (again, I'm 13). His reaction wasn't really good at first but he said he'd wait for me and he thinks I'm turning 18 in 2019 but I'm really turning 18 in 2020. So instead of 3 years, he'd have to wait 5 years for me to turn 18. It's almost been a month since then and I'm in love with this guy. I know how he looks, how he sounds, and everything. He has a YouTube channel as well but anyways yeah. We've been texting on Kik for awhile now. But idk what to do, PLEASE HELP. WE'VE BEEN FLIRTING A LOT AND WE ARE SUPPOSED TO MEET EACH OTHER ONE DAY. IM SCARED HOW HE'LL REACT AND THAT HE'LL STOP TALKING TO ME!!! HELP!!!!!
I don't even CARE if he doesn't want a relationship. Just having him still talk to me will be enough.
Do NOT meet this man! I beg of you!!! Just last year a student at a school I taught at was killed by someone she met online. She thought she knew him, she was positive she loved him and now she is dead! She was only 14 years old. Please please please DO NOT meet up with him. I understand your heart is already into this and it's not easy to just get over your feelings but honestly it's best you end your friendship. There's no problem being just friends but you won't be able to get over him if you keep chatting. Although he thinks you are a little older he's a grown man that should have put an end to all flirting immediately if not the entire friendship for your sake and his freedom. You'd have to ask yourself, what's wrong with a grown man who's carrying on a flirtatious relationship with a young girl. Believe me when I tell you, he's not waiting on you. He's going to continue his life with Lord knows who in the mean time. Love yourself first. You are worth a real relationship with someone your age, someone you know from school and someone not looking to settle down in a serious relationship. You have so many years ahead of you to enjoy with different people you meet along the way. Don't settle at risking your safety and at the very least if you care about this person you don't want him to get in trouble.
A lot of things have happened over the past year. I've had a lot of up's and down's. My ex boyfriend of three years cheated on me, hence ex-boyfriend. Its funny how things happen. I never thought that I would get cheated on. I guess I fell off my high horse. It hurts to know that the person you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with would betray you in such a manner. In results to the infidelity, I decided to move on. I gave it my all! I did everything in my power to save my relationship but I couldn't do it alone. I've always had insecurity problems and this situation made me feel worse about myself. I released my anger in the wrong way. In order to move on, I decided to get with another person. I've always found this person attractive. I felt honored to have his attention. I felt like it wasn't the time for me to move on but I needed to, for myself, in order to distract myself from the pain I was feeling inside. I felt like there was a better person out there that wanted me. It was another chance. I never really let go of my feelings for my ex. He was my first love. Now i've run into a dilemma. My ex has promised that he would change. Even though he has lied to me countless of times about other situations and etc; I feel like I can trust and believe his words. But I feel like I can never look at him the same. Every time that I see his face, all these negative thoughts arise. But he makes me feel loved. I see a real future with him because that's all I thought about in the past. Once you know what love is, its hard to let it go. Now that I'm single, I'm wishing to be in a relationship with him. I see so many couples happy and it reminds me of how it used to be. Yes we argued but what couple doesn't. With the current guy that i'm "talking" to, I find myself comparing what I used to have with my ex. And everything that he doesn't do, I question. I feel like, he's not doing what he's supposed to do. I know that everyone's different but it feels weird. I yearn for this love that I'm not receiving from him. It pushes me to want to go back to the past because I'm comfortable with that. I'm forcing myself to feel love and affection. I'm pushing the current guy to give me more than he's willing too. He tells me to be patient and i'm very understanding about his feelings but it puts me in a tough spot. I'm left with a man who is willing to fix everything he ever had with me and love me more than ever. Which comes with a risk of getting cheated on again, reoccurring arguments about the past and possibly having more trust issues. OR being with a guy who doesn't want a relationship at the moment, who wants everything to be his way, calls upon me when he feel its convenient for him and etc. I want to try something new but I don't want to let go of the past. I'm scared to move on because I don't know what the future will entail with this person. I'm scared of going to the past a losing a possible future with the person i'm talking to now. The guy said "be patient" but will this patience be worth the wait or will I be making a big mistake? What should I do? I am lost? I am sad? I am scared!
Who do I pick? What do I do?
I honestly don't think either one of them are "the one". In my opinion I feel now that you're with someone else and not available is the main reason your ex is interested and saying he's willing to make some changes. Your ex has already shown you what type of person he is. Generally people don't just change. Taking him back is only telling him that he can treat you anyway he wants to and know you'll eventually get over it.
As for the new guy; he fulfilled his job. You needed him to help you deal with moving past your ex. He's clearly not looking for the same things as you. He's lacking in some areas of interests which is why you compare him to your ex.
The right guy will come around eventually. He'll be just what you need with his own style and way of doing things that you'll rarely even think about your ex let alone waste time comparing the two. Just give yourself some time. Get to know yourself better and learn to enjoy life outside of an intimate relationship. Enjoy your friends and allow things to take place naturally.
Don't limit yourself and feel you must choose now. Don't feel your only options are between these two guys. If you settle now you'll never know what you're missing out on.
Hello! I am 17 (about to be 18 in a month), and I have recently been talking to a family friend who I have known for over 5 years now. I graduated high school in May, and he came up with my cousins to go to my graduation party. We have known each other for so long because he's been my cousin's best friend since they were children, and he is almost seen as part of the family at this point. They live a few towns over (about 3 hours away) so we see each other a lot at family events, but not too much otherwise. Since my graduation party late May he has reached out to me on multiple occasions just to talk. He gave me his number, and we've been texting a lot this past month. He is usually always the one to initiate a conversation by texting first, and he throws in a lot of flirty compliments really nonchalant. The other night he told me I was stunning, and he loves how much I make him laugh. He pays so much attention to what I like, and he is always throwing in little things he remembers about me into the conversation. He also told me that he can open up to me so easily, and that a future with me in it is a bright one. He's very cheesy, but I adore that childlike sense of wonder about him. I think the biggest issue is his age because he's 23 (which is a big age difference for me). I really like him, and I enjoy how fun it is to flirt and talk with him. I don't expect this to necessarily turn into something so I'm going with the flow to have fun with it, but there's a small part of me that hopes it could potentially turn into something more. Am I being naive to think that an older man would want to be more than friends with me because he genuinely cares for me? In the hypothetical situation anything did happen it would be strange for my family because of how close he is to my cousins and my uncles. Is there any way to work around that or would it be smarter for me to stay away from the situation altogether? I understand he is in a completely different stage in his life, and I am also understanding that I may just be asking for trouble by getting myself involved with him. Thank you for listening, and I appreciate/am open to any advice! :)
I'm still very close with my group of highschool friends and we are nearing our 20 year reunion. Of all my friends and myself included we have been either married and/or in long term relationships that all ended badly. Coincidentally just last week we were talking about our failed relationships and questioned why we never tried dating our good friends we grew up with, the guys that are genuinely nice guys that know our families well and who's family we all know and love. We seemed to always look for something new, different, and perhaps exciting rather than looking right there in front of us.
I tell you all this to basically say, I think it's a great idea to pursue a relationship with your good friend. You aren't going to be risking the chance that he's putting on an act pretending to be something he's not. You already know his history, and his family. You'll already have so many memories and things to reminisce about. If for some reason it didn't work out I think the ackwardness will quickly run its course and leave you right back as friends. However, based on what you said it seems like he sincerely cares for you and wants to move forward towards something more than friends. It also sounds like you're being smart about this by taking things cautiously and slowly. Enjoy and appreciate this exciting time in your life. And YES, he definitely likes you to say the least.
I'm 14 almost 15 and my boyfriend wants to have sex this weekend it's his birthday. I feel that I'm ready but..people say we're to young and I'd never be able to admit it to my mom.. Any advise?
Do not have sex with him! Using his birthday as an excuse to do so is just his way of manipulating you. You are absolutely not ready to have sex at all and neither is he. You have so much more life to experience before you could possibly be ready to take such a serious step. Give yourself time to meet other young boys and to grow up before you choose to lose your virginity. As much as you won't want to hear this there's a great chance that you will not be with your boyfriend for much longer. Young people usually move on to another relationship very quickly. Wouldn't you hate to give up your virginity to some one who just moves on to another girl a couple months from now?
The next and greater issue is teen pregnancy. Do you have any idea how difficult your life will become if you get pregnant so young. Raising a child is hard at any age but to be so young is even harder. I promise you if you get pregnant you will be suffering and struggling alone. That boyfriend will be out with his friends while you are home alone with a crying newborn. That alone will cause you to breakup with your boyfriend simply because he will continue having a fun child hood while your child hood will be over. Trust me when I tell you birth control is not 100% effective. I got pregnant using condoms and while on birth control pills. You might think it won't happen to you but it will happen to you so just WAIT. You have the resy of your life to think about sex. Sex is going no where. Enjoy being a young teenager. There is so much more you can be doing with your boyfriend. You can go to parties, dances, movies, arcades, football, basketball, baseball games. If you want to get close with him then just try kissing and holding hands. You can hug and snuggle together while watching a scary movie. Life is so full of things to do other than sex. Please don't limit yourself into thinking you have to have sex to keep this guy. If thats all he wants then you don't need him. You are too special and worth way too much than to let some guy take away your virginity something that should be saved for that one special person you are spending the rest of your life with
my boyfriend and i dont have a way to hang out anywhere and school isnt really working. we dont have any classes together and its hard to find time. do you know any cute gestures that can be done at school. i mean like the gesrure of letting him know *what's on your mind* without saying it? cause hes really sweet and i want him to know that i love him, but we cant show affection.......PDA! thanks!!!! ASL-16, female, U.S.
You could make him a little note and tape it to the handle of his locker. If you know what kind of snacks he likes you could bring him one for lunch. If either of you are driving if you're able to you could surprise him with movie tickets on a Friday after school. If you get the okay with both your guys' parents you could drive to the theatre right after school or if you aren't driving yet you could see if your older brother or sister or parent could drive you over. Perhaps you could meet up in the library after school to study together. You could always make him some different things like for example take white shoe strings and dye them cool colors that match his shoes or clothes so he can change them up from time to time. But of course the easiest is text messages if you both have your cell phones avaiable.
I feel absolutely shattered and like my world came to an end. My boyfriend of 5 years dumped me and said he didn't love me anymore and needed to make things work for himself. I don't feel like anything I can do will help and I'll always feel this way. I'm not used to this hookup culture and don't want to sleep with someone before I know them. I'm so lost and scared :( he was my everything and I feel broken. But there's nothing else I can do.
I was there through everything for him. We had a rocky relationship because he struggles with addiction but now that he's actually bettering his life, he doesn't want to date me.
Plus we have been long distance for about 3 years and it was finally gonna be long distance no longer. How can he be so sure that he wants this? He said he hopes I find peace with it.
I feel severely depressed and like I won't find someone for me when I have so much love to give :( sorry for this rant. I just don't know where else to turn
I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's very unfortunate that you struggled though the hard times with him only for him to turn his back on you once his life took a turn for the better. I honestly feel strongly that he is seeing someone else and has been for some time now. I'm venturing to believe that due to the fact that your long distance relationship was nearing an end he was pushed to end it with you before you found out he was with someone else. Generally people don't leave a relationship unless there is someone else in the picture. I have found the best way to get over a lost love is by finding someone else you enjoy spending time with; someone you can refocus your time and affection towards. It may just be a rebound relationship or just a friendship but if it helps get you over your heart break then thats what you need for the time being.
Now as far as hooking up. Please do not engage in casual sex and don't feel like that is what you need to do. You are worth more than this and you obviously hold higher values standards and a great set of morals. Stick with these morals and don't settle for anyone. Before you engage in sex with anyone be sure he is the one. Not just the one right now or in the heat of the momment.
It may take awhile before you get past all this hurt but I promise you will get there before you know it. For me it took me awhile to smile again when my fiance left me three months pregnant. It hurt so badly. I felt like I couldn't go on. It was my first child and I couldn't imagine being alone to raise a child. He never came back and till this day he has never seen his now 8 year old son. But I was blessed that when my son was almost two I feel in love with a great guy who loved my son as his own. We married and have three sons total and just celebrated our 6 year anniversary. If it weren't for the incredible heart break I never would have met this wonderful man and had two more beautiful baby boys. Everything happens for a reason. You deserve to be happy and you deserve more than what this guy has given you. You will find that one man who loves and cares for you as much as you love and care for him. It will become more than obvious. There will be no questions. You will just know he is exactly the one for you. I promise you will be happy.
I was diagnosed with costochondritis during the month of May this year. Before that, I had always had slight chest pains that had simply incremented this year thanks to the fatigue and mental stress I went through in the science fair. I am currently eighteen and female, recently having gotten myself into some Karate clases which I have found I actually like. However, last time I went, we did so many push ups, sit ups and punches to the stomach, that now my entire chest and abdominal areas are sore to the point where everytime I breath or move too much it causes jolts of pain - no doubt this is costochodritis coming back for a vengeance. I already bought the uniform and everything, but should I keep going to the clases or cut on the exercise? I admit it was partly my fault because I am pretty stubborn and I do push myself a bit too hard sometimes.
Please ask your doctor specifics about the different things you do during karate class to be sure it is okay for you to continue with each activity and to what extent. You don't want to over do it and really pay for it or not realize you're hurting more than you know. I think it's great you stay active and if you enjoy karate I feel you should definately stay envolved but slow it down. You know your body and what you can handle and by the sounds of what you wrote you know you have been doing way too much. I also feel you should let your karate instructor know what you suffer from just so they understand that at times you may not be able to do certain things or do them as long as others might be doing them but also let your instructor know that you don't need any special treatment. You don't want them to take it easy on you. You don't want anything changed in the way you've been doing things just maybe take more breaks or do less or even sit out a class here or there to let your body heal and relax a bit. I think you're doing great! Many people would just use their condition as an excuse to gain sympathy or mope around feeling sorry for themselves. But you're staying active enjoying life and putting your pain aside. Keep it up and have fun.
Lately I've been feeling extremely insecure about myself. I know its wrong, but I feel like whatever Major I get or university I graduate from will speak too much of me. A cousin of mine didn't manage to get into the one I did, which is a nice college, and my mom Heard that apparently his mother (who is also my godmother) was talking about me behind my back. She said in a discreet way that I would either not make it through college or that I would end up like my two cousins - pregnant. It really hurt me and everytime I think about changing majors that pops up and restrains me. I'm in the science department, in Geology or Earth Sciences. I like it, but its not my passion. I would prefer going into journalism or graphic arts. In the college I'm in the closest things I have to those are either a Major in English or in Plastic Arts, since this college doesn't give much emphasis to arts, but more to the sciences and mathematics. There are other colleges that are even closer to my own home, one has a program on Technology on Tele-Radial Communications and the other has a program in Graphic Arts. I'm afraid of not finding a job with these though. Any suggestions about any of that? Preferably if its worth following my dreams in the "arts" business.
I'm not sure how you are paying for college but seeing as college is incredibly expensive I suggest that you attend a community college or state college just to complete your general ed. prerequisites. This way you can spend the least amount of money while figuring out exactly what major you are truly passionate about. I know for me I changed my mind a hundred times before choosing a major and even after graduating I ended up in a field that has nothing to do with my major. Having said all of this you should definately go with your heart and your passion. Unfortunately you will always encounter people who talk behind your back and try to break you down. This is the world we live in. But whats more hurtful is that it comes from some one close to you that should be building you up. Most people talk badly about others out of jealousy. The best thing for you to do is to succeed. You are not your cousins and your future is all up to you. You have an incredible life to look forward to. You can be and do anything you like. Please don't let one hateful comment slow you down. Use this as ammunition to fight back and prove how strong you really are. Look how far you've come so far. So many young ladies never even graduate highschool but you made it and you are on your way to bigger better things. College can be tough but you can do it. Like I said you may want to take it slowly in a community college before choosing your major just yet. However, I'm sure you'll do great which ever path you choose. Journalism is a great field with so many options for a career. Arts can be a tricky field to find employment so you may want to do a double major such as business with arts. Having a business degree opens up an incredible amount of opportunities for employment. You should have no problem finding a good paying job with a business degree. Then you add your art degree you'll be an incredible asset having all this knowledge and education.
Please don't be discouraged. Remember if someone is talking about you behind your back then your life must be more interesting then their own. While you're busy concentrating on yourself others are busy concentrating on you because you are just that special. Stay focused and enjoy your life and prove them wrong along the way. There's no better way to shut them up then by living an incredible life.
So I am 16 f and I have been self harming for about a year, yesterday my friend noticed some cuts on my arm and called my parents, they were so upset as they had no idea that it had been happening. I think that they are angry at me and at themselves and they keep asking me questions about it. the problem is that is why i didn't tell them in the first place, I didn't want to hurt them or make them disappointed in me. When they ask me things like why do you do it and are you happy I don't know what to tell them, I do feel happy and I don't know why I do it. I guess it's just hard to know what to say to them to let them know it's not their fault and that I am just weird.
You're not weird you just have something going on that makes you hurt yourself. As a parent myself it hurts more when our children aren't honest or won't open up with what's going on with them. They want to help you but it's hard to help without knowing the details. Please go talk with them and I'm sure they will get you some help to figure out what is causing this problem. Maybe you're just bored and need to get involved in some fun activities since you say you're happy I hope that's all there is too it. If that's not the problem perhaps a doctor can get to the root of the issue. Maybe you are hurting or perhaps you have repressed memories. But your parents are definitely hurting feeling hopeless. They just want to help you. They aren't mad at you or disappointed. They are worried and afraid. So help yourself by opening up with your parents.
I am 24 years old. My father has done everything he can to provide for my family and myself and he has definitely succeeded. We have not had a good relationship since I was in middle school maybe 12/13 years old. Nothing he did just never really bonded or gave him the time of day I suppose. I know this hurts him. Fast forward to present day, I have been dating a sweet boy for almost 2 years. He has tattoos and because of this my dad refused to meet him in the beginning. A few months into the relationship, he asked me if we were sleeping together and I replied honestly that we were. This pretty much ruined whatever little bit of relationship I had with my dad, he said he was ashamed and no longer had respect for me and not to mention even more refusal to ever meet my boyfriend. For the past 2 years we have had several arguments over my boyfriend. Yesterday, my dad told me to end the relationship (we had a previous fight about egg donation, i signed up my dad wasn't happy with it and said my boyfriend has no respect for supporting my decision to possibly donate eggs) and if I didn't he would disown me. So I broke up with my boyfriend right after that conversation. I feel this was the wrong decision for several reasons:
1. I still love him
2. The relationship is succeeding
3. Boyfriend had no say of our outcome
4. My father made the decision
5. This was also said out of anger
6. Dad still has not met boyfriend
So I suppose what I am seeking advice for is what I can do in a situation like this. He pays for my school (I am in my last year for my BA) and I still live at home. I am hoping to move out within the next year but would like to do so peacefully and mutually. Was I wrong for ending things with my boyfriend because it's what my dad wanted? I am so torn, I don't want to lose my dad but I also don't want to lose this relationship especially on these terms. I feel my dad is manipulating me, help!!
I'm wondering if there is more to why you broke up with your boyfriend than simply due to your father. If not then you know you shouldn't have broke things off and if you love your boyfriend and he loves you treats you with respect and you see a future with him you should mend your relationship right away. However if he isn't treating you right or if you just aren't in love with him anymore there's no problem moving on and meeting new people.
As for your father let his issues be his issues. Unless your boyfriend is mistreating you in some way or leading you down a destructive path your dad needs to stay out of your relationship. Although we all want those we care about to approve of our relationships it isn't always the case but it's your life and you need to be happy. If you're afraid your father will stop paying for college with just one year left you could always take out a loan which won't be nearly as hard to pay off as 4 years would be. In another year you'll have your degree and on your way to a successful career. He needs to realize there are boundaries he shouldn't cross and if he just won't you've done your part. Don't spend your life worrying about something out of your control. Trust me your father sounds like someone who is going to find a problem no matter what. If it's not your boyfriend it'll be something else. For your own happiness you might have to distance yourself if he's only going to make you miserable.
I lived a situation where my mother absolutely adores my sister who could do no wrong while I've always been the disappointment. No matter what I said or did my mother never really seemed to like me. It really hurt. Finally I had to let go. I told my mom I was done trying to gain her acceptance and from that day forward I started living for myself. And strangely enough in her own way she kinda let her guard down and allowed us to have a better relationship. Don't get me wrong it's not all smooth sailing but it is better. So perhaps you're going to have to stand up to your dad and say look, I love you and respect you and your feelings too. But I'm a person with feelings as well. Please allow me to make my own choices and learn from them. I appreciate everything you have done for me but who I choose to date is just one part of my life and who I am. If you don't like who I'm with please just love me for everything else that I am. Let me show you how proud you can be of what I am and what I've accomplished without over shadowing. Let him know how much you love him and need him in your life but need to learn from your own choices.