My mother is against my boyfriend and she has never even met him.
Question Posted Tuesday June 23 2015, 10:55 am
20/f
I have been dating this really sweet guy for a few months. But my mom won't accept him cause she thinks I deserve better. In her head she thinks I'm something special just because I'm pretty,quite intelligent and study medicine. He may not go to college,but he is hardworking and he really cares about me. The main reason she won't accept him is that he wears hearing aid,which to her makes him disabled. I honestly couldn't care less about that,just because he lost his hearing due to an accident doesn't make him a bad person. Also she minds because he is from a village and I'm from a city. She thinks he wants to take me away from them and trap me as a housewife. In short,she demonizes him because of some prejudice and she has never even met him. I tried talking some sense into her but she sticks to her opinion.
Additional info, added Tuesday June 23 2015, 11:16 am: P.S He even has a job that he is really good at and always takes me out on dates and pays everything. We are,as I mentioned,from different places but he comes at least once every week to see me. He is really making an effort to stay with me. It hurts that she just won't see how happy he makes me. Will she come around or should I give up on her acceptance? I'm afraid she will stand in our way and separate us.. Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category? Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life? MrWombat answered Friday July 3 2015, 10:53 am: How many times have we seen this movie? This man will sacrifice everything to put you through med school, and you will dump him the second you start earning more than him. [ MrWombat's advice column | Ask MrWombat A Question ]
lightoftruth answered Wednesday June 24 2015, 1:11 am: I think you need to stop trying to get your moms approval. You won't be able to change her opinion because she has these opinions for no reason and she is being unreasonable.
She's never met him and is making all these assumptions and doesn't trust your judgement.
Razhie answered Tuesday June 23 2015, 1:40 pm: Why are you taking her seriously?
She's not being serious. She's being a bigot and you know it.
Stop trying to argue with her. She's not being serious and you know it. You can't argue with a bigot. The truth doesn't matter to her.
Give up - for now. As long as she isn't openly disrespecting you and trying to interfere with your relationship, just ignore her. She is not behaving reasonably or respectfully, so you should ignore her. It would be nice if she supported you, maybe one day she will, but until that day, don't give her credit and power she doesn't deserve. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
Violettree answered Tuesday June 23 2015, 1:26 pm: That sounds like a really difficult situation. Your mom may come around, or she might not. Either way, you've got a few options. You could break up with him for the sake of keeping the peace, or stay with him and tune out your mom as best you can. it doesn't sound like you want to break up with this guy at all, and I'm with you. You like him, he treats you well, and you're happy with this relationship. That's not something to give up lightly. So, it looks like you're going to have to deal with your mom's prejudices about the situation.
I recommend a direct approach. Find a time to sit with your mom alone and talk with her. If she interrupts you a lot, ask that she not talk until you're done saying your piece. Tell her that regardless of whether or not this guy is "worthy" of you, you like him and you're happy with him. Ask her if she would consider reserving judgement until she has met him and had dinner or something with him. If she agrees, there's your opportunity to show her that this guy makes you happy. If she refuses, then there's not a lot you can do. Say that you don't care to hear her opinion of him, and ask her to keep it to herself, at least around you. You may not be able to change her mind, but you don't have to listen to her spout her prejudices about his hearing loss or where he lives. Even if she refuses to stop saying these things, you always have the option of leaving whenever she starts talking crap.
As for standing in your way, you're an adult. You're entitled to make your own choices about your relationships, and your mom does not get to weigh in. She can try all she likes, but ultimately your relationship is down to you and your boyfriend. No one else. [ Violettree's advice column | Ask Violettree A Question ]
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